The Frank Skinner Show - Frank Skinner’s Radio Days: Gardening Trousers

Episode Date: September 2, 2026

It’s 2014 and this time in Newcastle! Frank is thinking about taking up gardening. There’s chat about Homebase trips, the loss of the pen knife and guilty pleasures. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Two and five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca.ca. So, yes, we're in Newcastle. I can see the Tyne from the window.

Can you? No. We're on a roundabout. I can see Tyne Daily. She isn't doing a local theatrical performance. We're on something of a central reservation, so Frank should feel very at home here. Yes. Oh, I suppose we are a bit.

I noticed there's a bar next to this studio. We are in Newcastle. Yeah, called Budabar. Oh, yeah. And then just down the road, there's a thing called at the Cafe Cross, which has got like a crucifix outside it. All the world's great religions being reduced to just places for refreshments. Sale of alcohol.

Yeah, very depressing that is. They're lovely and friendly the Jordies. I met a pug already this morning. Well, it's true. I met a pug already this morning. And to celebrate almost the fact that we're in Newcastle, I see the Daily Mirror giving away a free love. I know.

Today, yeah. Just felt, I don't know, to me that feels very northern thing to do. Give away a love. Out come the cliches. It's a bit, um, it's a bit le Miserables. Yeah. You know, Le Miserables. I do, yeah.

Yes. It was what happened when Amanda Holden left him. I give away free cake. Like the meat cake, I say. Do you? That's because you wouldn't eat cake because of your strict regime. Am I right? Yeah, possibly.

We've got a lovely, we're at the, um, The Metro Radio Studios, I don't know if it's all right to plug enough. It's probably owned by our overall bosses. This is nodding. But there's a lovely clock in the corner. It's much better than the absolute clock. I love it. I'll tell you what, I'm on tour at the moment.

One thing I've enjoyed more than anything is the occasional public clock. So glad you said that. They're rarer than they used to be. When you think of what I used to enjoy on tour. And now it's shared timepieces. But you know, you used to always get the town all clock and stuff. Yes. There's not so many a bear, but when I see one, I really find it reassuring.

That's nice, darling. Because sometimes there's... You see lesser ones on churches. They haven't even put the time right. It's a public clock. It's broken Britain, Frank. It is. Yeah.

Broken clocks. Broken clock. Britain. That's what it ought to be called. It had some lovely... That's what they used to call Fern Britain at school, apparently. But I had an interesting experience this week, which is something I've heard of,

but I never knew it could happen. It rained. And I honestly thought to myself, oh, this will be good for the garden. I honestly, unironically, thought that to myself. Good. You're thinking in the Titchmarshian way. I am.

I mean, I love all things, Titchmarsian, with the possible exception of Titchmarsh. You do do a very fine impression of him, though. But, you know, I've moved, some of you may recall that I moved in December to a house with a garden. And yet, for the first time, I felt the gardening thing. So that could be my new crazy trend. What do you think? Gardening.

Yeah, that would catch on. Yes. He was listening, you said. Yeah, my next thought is that I'm... Like my dad, I might get some, well, not some must get them, must declare a pair of gardening trousers. Oh, yeah? Gardening trousers? Yeah.

My dad had his gardening trousers, which he only ever wore in the garden and which were never washed ever. Right. And the pockets always had, like, string in them. And always a penknife. Oh, nice. That doesn't sound worrying. No, well, everyone carried a pen. Everyone I knew carried a penknife in those days.

I don't know. It's dyed out the penknife. No, I think it's still pretty much... Don't see so much string these days either. You got one, Al? I bought one recently, actually. Really? I think you've gone Swiss, though. I did, yeah. Oh, he's very penknife. These were old basic penknife.

Just had, like, maybe one blade or two. My father-in-law has one like that. Can I say, as well, it must be a good 15 years since I've seen a ball of string. Really? You just don't see such things in the ball. I actually implied a ball of string this very weak. Did you? Yeah, because...

I don't think you should speak about runners on television programs like that. It's not nice. My girlfriend was in the garden with her mother and our son, and I went up to my Garrett, where I work. And I got his panda, portly panda. I tied a string to his Miss World type sash. From a proper ball of string, and I lowered him the four stories to the ground below.

So they were sitting and suddenly a panda appeared in their midst. That's the sort of lens I'll go to for a laugh. Yeah. Brought the house down. That's good. And answered the question, how long is a piece of strings? No, it's four stories, minimum. Yeah, but it was, I mean, one minute you're sitting there next minute and suddenly there's a panda.

Brilliant. Come on. So where are you going to get these trousers from then? Don't go Sunday supplement. No, you can't. You can't. He's got hundreds of pairs. Yeah, you can't bind.

You've got to buy. You've got to pick your least favorite trousers and then make them, that you don't mind getting soil on the knees. I'd go for a pair of combats from sort of... Yeah, I'm thinking maybe combat. Those ones that used to have, like, string in the, in the bottoms of the chest. Yeah, oh, yeah. Yeah, and you could tighten those up.

Adjustable cord, yeah. Tighten nose up if it was rat in country. Yeah, the handy of those. I like you going a bit Gary Green fingers. I'm definitely getting a penknife. That's my... Yeah. I'm going to see if I can get one in Newcastle.

You'll probably get sent one now. You've said this. Well, I'm in Sheffield soon. That's the place, isn't you? For cotlery. Yeah, yeah. I think they still do. I think maybe they're probably, I don't,

I have a feeling that they've probably been lumped in with, you know, the bad knives that people. Yeah. That would be a worry. I don't want to think that knife, obviously knife crime. We are an absolute disapprove of knife crime. But I don't think penknife should be dragged in. No. On that.

I saw a, I saw a youth on the telly talking about his life. of knife crime. I must have told you about this. And he got out, he said, yeah, this is what I carry, and he got this knife out. And it was a big, nasty looking knife. But the blade was a word. It formed a word. You know, it had holes in it. It formed the word pizza. It formed the word pizza. It said pizza, honestly. And this was the- Did you dream this? No, this was the knife that he carried and terrorised the local streets with. That doesn't sound like an appropriate pizza cutter. That's usually a sharpened wheel, isn't it? Yeah, it's a slice.

That'd be great if somebody pulled the pizza wheel on you. Yeah, one. That's the Chicago way. And a margarita my way out of there. Yeah, you say that again and you'll be segmented. I think we've had some texts. We've heard from the outside world, 8, 12, 15. I bought a penknife on a school trip when I was little,

didn't really know what to do with it, so I cut up my pajamas just to ensure it got some usage and wasn't a total waste of money. My mum wasn't very happy. Is it from Vivian Westwood? Yeah. A lost, pop-pulip chic. Punk rock were bought us born.

The rest, as they say, is history. Yes. Not this fortnight. We've also had a tweeting. I'm not sure how I feel about it. Okay. A character called Simon Gosden. He looks nice in the avatar.

He has got a hat on. You look nice in the avatar. It's something you wouldn't have heard. You know, you look great on the dance floor. Yeah. He says, my Saturday morning guilty pleasure listening to Frank on the radio

oh thank God for that I thought he brought up but how do you feel about us being a guilty pleasure I'm not sure about the whole concept of the guilty pleasure I think we all agree on this probably what do you mean well because for me I mean I have had guilty pleasures in my life but they are pleasure

about which I feel genuinely guilty like vandalism I once completely destroyed a bus stop with a massive lump of concrete, I feel guilty about that pleasure, and that's a genuine guilty pleasure. Yeah. If I listen to Ghostbusters by Ray Parker Jr., I don't feel guilty about that. I feel erotic.

But that is a classically named guilty pleasure. Is it? Yes. Brilliant, though. It's just good. I think people should have to be tried to decide what is a guilty pleasure and what is it rather than be able to pick it themselves. Yeah.

Okay, Simon. It might not be the answer you're expecting, but there you go. Could you have an insufficient evidence pleasure, which is one which is slightly bored alike? Which is the thought? I'd like him to explain why he thinks that we should feel guilty, that he should feel guilty about listening to us and enjoying it. Surely that's the whole purpose of the purpose of the thing we're offering. You used it the guilty pleasure in some sort of rubbish category. Yeah. And it suggests that the guilt is our secret design for robbery. But I'm fine with that. I'm just glad he's joining him. What about that?

Yeah. What about that for a turn-around? He didn't see coming. Yeah. At the end of the day, humanitarianism has saved us. Let's get back to your garden. Oh yes. I was sorry, I think there is another text. Go on, Al. No, no, no. Don't make you. Don't get him salty. Oh, don't. He's already salt with me this morning.

Hi, Frank and the team. I'm an avid fan of your show, but I missed last week, as I was in Gretna Green getting married. Could you repeat it? I was in Gretna Green. I thought he was going to say, I missed last week. Could you repeat it this morning? It's good to be back today. That's from Joanna in Norfolk.

In Grette and the Green, is that going to be? I wonder how old she is. Is that going to be a marriage thing? She's done it, yeah. Yeah, she's got married. In Gretton the Green. Last week. That's all people do there.

Wow. So congratulations. I had to mate, who did that. He just got him and his girlfriend got in his college, just headed up and just did it just out the blue like that. Really? Lovely. The witnesses, there's two witnesses.

There's two witnesses, a cleaner and a woman had come to Bay O'Read. Brilliant. Brilliant. Both of them were in take the high road. Tacked the high road. That was the one when they had put carpet on the high road. Anyway, what about your garden? So this was one next step.

I went to Home Base. You did not. Yeah? Do you know Jerry Hallow went there last week? No. You kidding me. She was packed there. No.

Yes. What? Did she step in front of a car? No. She was carrying bags of soil and all sorts. You are, what? That's a burial being planned. If she's, hell have no fury like Jerry Halleywell scorned.

How did you find Homebase? Well, I just looked at now. I'm not going to do the Satnaf joke. Certainly not with your sense of direction, because it wouldn't help. I went to Home Base. I needed a lawnmower. You are a lawnmower man. Yeah.

What's Lord More Man? That's the thing, isn't it? It's a film with... That's right, yeah. His Prosnin? Dennis Leary. Oh. Who's a close personal friend of my?

Anyway, so I bought some gloves as well. I thought I'm going to get some gardening gloves. I thought, it's possible I could do the whole gardening thing just with my hands. Yeah. If I get some... Like a mole. Yeah. I think I could dig, rake, and cut the lawn just with my hands.

That Peter the Wild. Just throw myself into the garden and just roll around in a... friends who are like digging and tearing stuff up and... I love it when you go feral. Yeah, there is... Frank goes feral. But there's such sturdy gloves. I honestly feel like I could tear a house down with them.

How much are gardening gloves? I'm going to guess. I have no idea. 1699. Is this to do it's texting? They were cheap. Yeah. 799.

This was... I got two pairs. Because I thought if I'd get really good at it, I might wear a pair on my feet as well. I can do the lawn in five minutes. I'm just like going around like some terrible sort of starfish. It's like... Did you get two pairs?

One for gardening and one for falconry. It's a spare pair. I'm trying to encourage the girlfriend in, you see. So I thought I'd go his and hers on the gloves. I'm trading an ape to do the gardening. Those two weren't related, by the way, those two points. No. So I'm in Home Base, and suddenly there's an announcement.

And it says, In two minutes, we will be giving free gifts away onto the flashing lights area. I can't describe how incandescent I am about missing out on these freebies. Have some sort of disco area. This is the first time I've been in Home Base, and it just so happens to coincide with this, coincide with this moment when they're giving away free gifts. Please don't tell me you went over to the flashing lights.

Oh, what did I? I'm so embarrassed. Like a moth to a flame. You didn't. I can't believe that I get cold stingy on this shirt. I know, but a free gift. He's there. Come on.

Not worried about getting papped next to Jerry Halleywell. What was it free? I'm just imagining the long walk over to the flashing lights area. Maybe some girls are loud playing. There's all those girls are loud at that. There was a bit where I'm sort of looking around for the lights. While they're playing something. The lights weren't quite above the free gift area.

They were just to one side. So was that someone's day? to come through. No, it's a terrible 80s laptop, I've gone, sorry. Oh, okay, lovely. I saw four people carrying it in, for you. So, I went there, and a lady came out, and I was just ready for, just, my free gift,

then back to the lawnmow, that was how I saw it. Not knowing what it was, though. No. Yeah. had also gathered in the flashing lights area for the freebie. I'd say it was about six of us. Oh God, this is so embarrassing. Well, it was like early on a Tuesday morning, you know what I'm it?

Six of you, you're one of them. We'll call them the free gift six from now. Yeah, exactly. We are innocent. So this lady gave us a free bit of magic cloth each. I thought, am I going to end up with an enormous bean store? I don't want a result. Did you talk to the other five?

Well, we were, you know, we were very focused. I think we were, in one way we were bonded together, and in another way, we were arch-rivals. So she started then doing a demonstration. Of course. And I thought, oh, well, hold on. What, with the cloth? Yeah, with the cloth.

Oh, gosh, it's disgusting. It was, it was absorbent and then some. But even so, I thought, no, that wasn't really the way this was sold. It was sold that we were just going to get. get free gifts. I don't really want the demonstration. And the idea was that we bought a bigger piece of cloth. That was how it worked. So the cloth we were given was just a, it was a fragment. I'm calling it a gateway drug.

Yeah, it was like that. It's like a timeshare thing. And there's a bit where she said, and these bits of cloth are sort of like your ticket to buy the big cloth. And I thought, well, suddenly cloth has become a currency. It's become an entrance. document? What's happened with cloth suddenly? So,

I thought I don't want to be part of this anymore, this new cloth world. I'm not touching cloth, I thought for myself. 8.36. I was now in the difficult point where she was mid, I mean, feverishly demonstrating, the magic cloth. She was flogging that cloth. She was. And there was a big, where she compared it favourably to shammy leather.

Did she? What does she say? She was dismissive of shaming. She says, really? She said, look here, and she got out a piece of shami. I don't know what she'd done with it. It was in a terrible state. She said, look at this.

The magic cloth would never get into that kind of. I thought shammy has been, you know, that's an animal. That's a goat, the shami. Is that right? Yeah. The chamois. Yes. And also, the chamoire has been around for some time.

It's nature's magic cloth. It deserves a bit of respect. Even if it's been superseded, exactly. You know, respect to it. Yeah. But now she was completely dismissive. Anyway, we had to... I said we're going to have to go.

And we're going to have to go. And... It was issued to the others. I did, yes. I did that terrible thing. The Free Cloth Six. Well, I did that. We're going to have to go.

We're about to be going to go. The Vindicons. I like the fact was the self-style spokesman of the Free Cloth Six. But what I ended up doing... I mean, I had to leave, and she was like mid-demonstration, I had to just walk away. Oh, no. So she was, by now, feverish, in her pro-clothness. And I just wandered back to the, and I just caught her eye as I left, and she looked genuinely hurt.

And I might say disgusted. Two and five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcf walk.ca.ca. I think I bring news.

I think I've got an update on why Simon... Medieval Town Choir! That's right, yeah. I think I've got an update on why Simon considers us a guilty pleasure. Oh, yeah. He says, hi, Frank Allen and Forrest of Dean. I do my weekly show... I do my weekly ironing while listening to the show.

It gets me through an arduous weekly chore, like an iPod while jogging. So I think that's what he's saying, like it's a guilty pleasure because he's listening to the radio, but he's meant to be having the ironing. We'll try again, Simon. So what's happening is you're doing the task perfectly well. Yeah.

I love ironing with the radio on. That's all right, isn't it? I don't know. I've never ironed. I think I've ironed about five things. I've never ironed. It's like I've realised on the way up to Newcastle, I've never opened a train door.

What? I don't know. I've managed to avoid it. Someone's always done it for me. Oh? Just the other. person, I've relied on the kindness of the other person. It's quite a thing where the...

I worry we might be losing touch with the common people in this section of the show. I've never ironed. I've never opened a train door. Oh. No, I think you'll find there's a lot of men who've never ironed. And a lot of women who've never opened a train door because a man normally does it for you. Just another man, another commuter. Yeah. No, not your special man.

No, not my special man. Not your train door, man. Yeah. That'd be a job. A bloat with a really muscular right-art. You know, do you still have to do that thing when you pull the window down and pull your hand down? Well, that's what I couldn't work out. It felt very brief encounter and a bit retro. I thought you can't still have to do that.

What you need is the man who gets chased by the police dog in training, who's got the big padded forearm thing. Oh, I love that. You just put that at all right. Always an Alsatian. Or you, with one of your gardening gloves on. If you reached out the window and the Alsatia was still hanging on the forearm, just got back from a training session.

Never, oh, that's very interesting. It was terrible. Why didn't know what to do it? I went to pull the window down and I looked at some Newcastle student. And I said, do I pull it? Do I pull it? And he just looked at me blankly. Yeah. So I pushed it down, pushed the handle and then I fell out.

Fell onto the platform. But you've done it now. I've done it. I've done it. I'm really glad of myself. Oh, great to come up and have a new experience. Yeah. I love that. Thanks, Newcastle.

Text in if you've ever opened the train door. No, don't. Yeah. No, that's. Yeah. I, um, oh, the home-based thing. Oh, yeah. After I had left the cloth lady, about, I would say, five minutes later, another announcement went up to say,

we are giving away free gifts in the flashing light. And I realised what I thought, have I ever landed on my feet, I've gone into homebase, and it just happens to be. Turns out every five or ten minutes they were giving away, and it was exactly the same. That's terrible. The cockerel, while we were listening to the music there, had a very good idea that I could actually. actually have a gardening suit. Yeah. Because you do like a suit.

Rather than... Well, we established as well, you wore a suit to Homebase, didn't you? I did. Doesn't everyone? No, no one does. I think, you know, I can imagine a gardening suit. Wersel Gommidge wore a suit, didn't it?

Yeah. That's who you're basing yourself on currently, isn't it? You're a lot like him, is that what you think? No, but he was, you know, he was a man of the earth. Oh, he was certainly a man of the earth. Yeah, so I think I could get away with that. Of course, Russell Crowe's. Terrified of him.

I had a tweet from rather close to home. This is from Dan Black. He says, Engineering for Frank on the radio and his team on Absolute Radio, live from Newcastle today. Oh. Keeping it in the Bauer family such a laugh. That's nice, isn't it?

I like that, Dan. I like the cut of his jib. I'm just slightly worried now that he's completely eyes on the prize if he's texting. When he's doing the engineering thing. Well, anyway, you know, I suppose we'll make doing men. We've also had a text that I think you might want to prick your ears up about. Frank and Coe, my neighbour across the road where I used to live garden in a suit,

he was a weird man. That's from Jeannie. Frank, it'd be very hard not to look eccentric, gardening in a suit. No, but what happens is the suit, it takes on the characteristics of the landscape. That's what happens. It becomes a garden in suit, so then it doesn't look like you're being too showy. Because you've got things like half a pack of the seeds in the breast pocket. It's good for pockets, actually.

The suit, in it? There'd be plenty of nooks and crannies there to keep stuff. It's the kneeling. It'll smell absolutely lovely. There's a lot of kneeling. I'm thinking I might have a couple of knee pads maybe stitched into the suit, like Robocop. Can't I just buy you a nice boiler suit? That's what you want.

I don't know. What colour are you thinking? You're going to get me a Versace. Yeah, sort of a crush veils. Crush Velvet isn't around as much as it used to be. No. No. Well, done to that.

That's this morning's texting. What happened to Crush Velvet? Crush Velvet. Where, question mark. I remember I went to an auction when I was on holiday once. Strange holiday pastime. I'll say auction, because it reminded me of this magic cloth. Okay.

Because we were all gathered around and he gave us a biro each. And already. And the auction? Yeah, I was hooked already. Free biro, I thought. who needs Michael Parkinson and his outlandish promises. On daytime TV.

Yeah. Advertising death on daytime television. And the idea was every time you'd go, oh, we had to pay a pound to be. Oh. I had it in my head that we'd got a free bio each, but we'd also paid a pound. I didn't quite work out that the two were connected anyway.

So we'd say, who's paid a pound? We'd all hold our bios in the air excitedly. And he'd start, He got this one thing, and he got like it was some fabulous high-fi equipment. I think there might have been a radio cassette play. Can I just say great pronunciation of high-fi? I love that. Where else?

How else do you say it? How did you say? Hi-fi? I don't know, but I loved it. Anyway, then he gave it to a man for like two quid. What the high-fi? Yeah, this high-fi thing. And we were all complete. We thought, this could be us next.

I'd pay more than two quits for a high-fi. And the man said... That's how they really win. could be you. Yeah, exactly. So he says to the man, there's your change, Dave. We didn't suspect to think. And I ended up, I bought three sealed boxes.

Did you? I didn't know how much I'd paid for them or what they contained. And all one of it, Noel Edmonds. Yeah. When I got them home, there was a glass fish, and then the next one contained the China Shire Horse, and then the next one also contained the same Shire Horse. And I don't know how much I've paid for them.

And that's why I've had to be something of a recluse in life because I'm too open to exploitation. We've had some texts in. Good. We had a tweet. Hi, Frank. Your pronunciation of hi-fi had me in stitches. Do you also say caravan and co-op?

Hashtag strange inflection. I'd rather like that. Do you have a few strange inflection. Star Wars. Oh, you do, Frank. Star Wars. So what about the, do you remember when Sven Gorenet, Erickson used to talk about the World Cup? They always like, have I got Stephen Gerard, I've been pulled up on.

Yeah, yeah. We've also had an email entitled Homebase. Morning, speaking of Homebase, yesterday in the Huddersfield store, my wife witnessed a guy to get a £125 lawn mower for £20 pound. as someone had moved an incorrect price sign on to it. The shop manager tried to say it was an error and he couldn't sell it for that, but the guy stood his ground and eventually got his bargain. Never has an email been more based in Huddersfield in all it's like.

No, but that is a great story. That's it. I love that story. It's up there with Gawain and the Green Night, as I'm concerned. 20 quid. Yeah. 20 quid. You're just into gardening as well. This is so you do this.

I wonder what model it was. I don't. It's not a cheque for tearing it out with your bare hands in your gardening cloth. That's true. I got a goat. What about if I just went, I'd so defied home base, I got a shammy goat. That'd be perfect. And so I didn't spend money on the lawn mower, and I defied their magic cloth in comparisons.

And then you could just wait until it was really tired and take out and rub the car with it. You know, with it, shammy. I probably said rob the car. No, Rob so difficult. Rob. He's up north. He's completely gone backward. Rub the car.

You meant mine the car. By the way, Shammie, is that one of those things where it should be Shammua? Should be Shammu. And we've always called it Shammie. It's a little nickname, isn't it? I thought it was shamaw. Yeah. Frank, do you remember you got slightly ripped off at that auction?

Yes. Well, I may have. I have no idea. You don't know? No. I think so. You thought you were getting a high fight and you ended up with some China Shire horses. A glass fish into China Shire horses.

748 feels your pain. Oh, Frank, I did the same thing in a church hall in Winchester with the same trick. I just wanted a radio alarm clock, and I ended up with a large floral china bowl in a white cardboard box. We are trusting fools, and they shouldn't be allowed in church halls. That's from Prisoners 748. So that's one of yours, Frank. Follows the Nazarene. In a church hall, that's just wrong.

Follows the Nazarene. When I settled, when I'd calm down after and thought about, hold on a minute, when the hysteria had faded and I had these three, And I didn't know what I'd spent. I thought, I remember my first thought was, thank God, I haven't been shipwrecked on a desert island with that man. Or he'd have me doing all the building and cooking. And I wouldn't even know I was being exploited.

Yeah. That's the thought we can all allow to simmer. You and this text are like sort of forest gumps of this world, aren't you? We are. Thanks. It's lovely. Very much. We don't always cover football stories on this show because of your... Only if they move to the front.

Front page. It's the front page, probably because of your history as a football. Pundit, commentator, comic. Fondit. That's what I was. Football, football fondness. Do you know what? That's under his photograph in Spotlight.

Football funded. But one story that has moved to the front page is, I think undeniably this week, is the jettisoning of David Moyes. I'm loving the word jettison. Thanks very much. Meet George Jethson. And his wife In fun headline watch His boy Elroy was it

The son went with Jane his wife Hank Sorry I don't know what the son Daughter Susan Daughter Susie Is by Levi

Elroy Okay I think Jane his wife Carry on Sorry It was no lyric up With a man screaming

Jane his wife The Jetsons It was a sort of Space Age version of the Flint instead of going back they went forward. The thing I've waited for my whole life, the hover car. There's never happened.

Yeah. I wouldn't mind, but some of the things that we were predicted in the space age, at least you can see we're moving towards them. Yeah. The hover car, we've made no advances whatsoever. Still on the... It was such an essential part of space age living, and it seems now no one cares. The tyre manufacturing industries have put the lid on it.

Yeah. Oh, do you think so? It's like the ladder tights. They can invent them, they just won't. The non-laddered tights, you know what I mean. Eye up, they don't invent. I love a laddered tight. Do you?

Oh, stay away to heaven. Ah, absolutely disgusting. You are disgusting. Sorry. Anyway, David Moyes, you were talking about. Back at the headline, I think this is in the sun. I have to slightly emphasise the last word in each sentence here. It was Moyse.

I was stabbed in the back, back as in red, 7.40 a.m. summoned for the sack, share probes when I start to crack. That's what they did. They did it. They did it. I think they should have gone a step further and said the problem was he never signed a Brazilian. That would have been the icing on the kick, wouldn't it?

Goodness sake. I don't think it works. The trouble with the pun here. It doesn't work. Tell you what doesn't work. You shouldn't have to say back stabbed in there. You can't do it the other way around like that. 7.40M.

summoned for the. Yeah. No. Yeah, they should have gone the other way around. You're right. Syntax is the problem here. I've often thought that. It should have gone the other way around with the back sack.

Anyway. It's very dodgy, and I'm surprised from that newspaper. I was thinking, I don't think, if you quite were, man against Moy's, if it was man from Man United. I was thinking a photograph of Fergie and him saying Moy's mistake. Because he appointed him, Moy Mistake. Well, you know, his wife has insisted, he ordered him. that they've got to have a two-week beach holiday now and just forget about the whole thing.

Who, David Moy's why? She's going to take long with the two weeks, I think. She's like me, that's what I'd say. So two weeks on the beach, and I thought the headline could have been Mrs. Brown's Moy's. Oh, I love that. I love Mrs. Brown's Moy's. Yes, so it was...

What about when he had to drive in for the sacking at 5am? That's humiliated. Oh, you know what's great, in the article? It says, as he guided his Chevrolete Capita SUV, down that long, bleak road. Oh, beautiful. Who's written this, Garth Marengi?

No, that's a fine piece of... And I think it's because the cars are sponsored, so they must be mentioning it. Oh, do you think so? It just makes me want more information about his sort of commercial decisions. Like, it should then say his M&S briefs clung to him under his Gant chinos.

I wish I brought that up. I've got my... I've got my Calvin Classics on to that. Have you? Yeah, I have, actually. You're going to prove it? No. Okay.

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