The Frank Skinner Show - Frank Skinner’s Radio Days: Handshakes

Episode Date: October 22, 2025

We’re still in 2010 for our radio show best bits and Frank has a moral dilemma. There’s also chat about chef’s recommendations, domestic thrills and being dumped. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Tim's new Cravable Raps are made for the times your boss said the what now? Or your teacher mentions that thing I'm a bob. Need to pick me up? Snack back to reality with Tim's new Cravable Raps, available in Chipotle or Ranch. Plus, tax, at participating restaurants in Canada for a limited time. Frank Skinner's Radio Days, it could go one with two ways. Hello, welcome to Frank Skinner's Radio Days,

the best bits of my former radio show. We're still in 2010, and this time I have a moral dilemma about a train journey. Enjoy. Look, I've got a moral dilemma. Oh, I love a moral dilemma. Have we got a jingle for that? Gary, do you normally sing them? Moral dilemma, moral dilemma, moral dilemma.

Yeah, I was thinking maybe this. I think one should be able to do that at any time in life. You know, say if you get up and you walk downstairs as a strange man in your kitchen, And you look to your right. He's standing there, you know, and he looks a bit aggressive and frightening. He looked to your right. And there's the bread knife lying there gleaming in the sunlight.

And then you make your decision. I think that's fine. So here's my problem. Go on. I'm going to the Edinburgh Festival in August. We'll still be doing the radio shows. Can I point that out? Yeah.

And I've got, because I'm doing it, I'm doing a sort of, of a talk show thing up there, right? It's all, you know, I'm being paid, and they're kindly supplying me with first-class railfare as part of the deal, right? Lovely. Oh, that's good. My girlfriend and her sister are going up on the same train, and she's going, because they're both agents, they're being sent up by their company, but they're standard fare. Ah, right. Oh. Now, is it all right to travel on the same train with me in first class and them in standard fare? I mean, I can always nip in. Do you know what I'm? You know.

Yeah. Well, I have to say, I mean... Don't jump to any. Okay. You know, don't jump and then make me feel bad. And I sense there's going to something reprimand. Well, you sense wrong, my friend, because I was about to say, I'm sorry, but no one can turn down the opportunity of sitting in first class.

No. And I think your girlfriend would understand that. Yeah, I don't think it's the idea is what's plaguing me in the early hours of the morning. It's not that I should go and sit in there, but that maybe I should pay for an upgrade. Well, there is, you could do that. But she's with her sister, so we're talking, I think we're talking two upgrades. I can't just, I can't plot one out and leave the other.

You could do what I tried in a time. You know what the Nazis used to say you have to choose which child? I mean, I'm not, I'm not playing that game. Frankie's choice. Yeah. Well, what did I do last time? Emily's advice to me when we were sat nervously in first class was style it out. Yeah, just style it out.

And what happens? I mean, listeners who remember this story will, remember. But if the guard comes round, the move is your girlfriend just needs to sort of hold her tummy and go, I'm actually not feeling very well. So I just sat here. That's what I did. She's like that all the time. Perfect. I think it's good though. The way I'm justifying, I think it's good to have different experiences in life. You know, you don't want to be one of these, you know, these teachers at school that were married and you think, well, do they spend the whole life together? What do they ever talk about? Because they know what's going on. So I thought then I'll be able to tell her what, you know,

what first class was like. It's good to have different experiences in life, but that does not include standard class travel. I'm sorry. Well, I used to like standard class travel, but then people started saying to me, where do you get your ideas from? And I used to have long conversations

about how jokes were born. And I became, I found, sullen and aggressive. And that's not the side of me. That's not a good look, no. Yeah. I don't know quite what to do about it. The thing is, obviously, Because we're both being paid for,

if I'm being paid for and I'm then going to pay for an upgrade, I feel I've corrupted the sacred thing that is a freebie. Sacred thing that is a freebie. You don't want to mess with a freebie. You don't want it to be freebie. I don't want to be sitting there thinking, well, I've got a freebie, but I've had to pay for two upgrades.

So is it a freebie? Not really. That, to me, would kill the whole thing. Well, Dexton, should Frank go first class? or not? It's not whether I should go first class, but what I should do. Also, can I just say, we might be coming back on different days. It gets even more complicated. Oh, dear.

I've thrown everything in, so there's all the ingredients. All you have to do is to bake that into a moral souffle. Isn't it great to be back? Another text in saying, Hi, Frank, of course your girlfriend and sister should go first class. You can afford it. Let them travel in style and comfort. They deserve it.

Is that from my girl? Yeah, I think it might well be. It doesn't a tone about it, I find. Well, maybe that's right. Maybe I should just go for it into the honourable thing. I mean, it's only money. You can't take it with you. Although Luke says people would expect a man of your status

to be travelling first class by training, would be disappointed if you didn't. Yeah, but that doesn't get me out of the upgrade. No, it doesn't. No, we're not suggesting you should go in standard class. No, that's... I don't think anyone's going to suggest that. That's ridiculous.

I mean, they could just, as long as you're moving through first class, they can just walk back and... forth. All for the whole trip. It's four and a half out of journey. Oh, it'd be good exercise. It's an idea, though. People could do that. Couldn't they spend the whole trip as long as they keep moving? I always think that, you know, when you pull it to a...

Like a shark? Well, you know a yellow box on the road. Oh, I know a yellow box. You can't go into it if your exit's blocked. Well, I always, what I do, I'll go in and then I think, oh, I'm stuck in it now. And I move incredibly slowly, because then I think if they show me, when they show me the camera footage in court, I'd say, well, I didn't stop. I was just very slowly making my way towards the exit.

I don't know if that would work. I hate it when they take those traffic pictures. I had one taken once. I was going to deny... You know what, I hate poverty. No, but... That's the difference between me and you. I was going to deny it was me,

and then you could see me in the actual car, flicking my hair with a cigarette in one hand and flicking my hair with the other. I couldn't deny it after that. No, that would be wrong. So, now, there's been some terrible news. I don't know if you're aware of this, but the BBC have made...

made a decision that they are not going to commission the fourth series of the restaurant which of course features Raymond Blonde I mean I don't know I don't know if you knew about this

Gareth I'm sorry to break it to you so sadly well Raymond's gone very quiet recently maybe that's why I thought he's upset about something yeah maybe that's what it is commissioned they've had three good series I would say I've never watched it

but I'd just like to know that it's on You know, I can feel that it's on. Yeah. I can feel it in my marrow. Sort of it. I like Raymond's got very quiet recently. What? You haven't been into his cafe as a punter.

Yes, you haven't been anywhere near him. Because you don't know him. That's why he's been quiet. I find a lot of people I don't know are quite quiet. People are quiet when they're far away from you. Yeah, I don't know you at all. They are. What is it with people that they're so offish about that?

What an event I had this week. Oh, I ordered a whole crab. Wow. I was in a restaurant in Brighton. And I thought I haven't eaten a whole crap. Well, I've never eaten a whole crab. My dad used to come back from the pub on Saturday afternoons, often with a whole crap,

which meant for a very slow walk, imagine, and sideways. Just clutching it. Yeah, it was wrapped in news. And he used to sit and watch the sport, you know, the results and the horse racing results and all that. And he used to eat everything. I remember him cracking the very thinnest elements of the crab. And he used to get a little bit of crab out with a hair grip. Did he?

And he did a whole thing in the wood. You couldn't find a smear of white meat when he'd finished. He used to sock the pincers. I love that. I love fiddly food. I don't. Do you not? I like someone to do the dressing for me.

No, I said my favourite would be Blamange. Oh. Anything more fiddly than that? I'm not interested. I like chops. I'm always like the fact that chops come with a handle. Okay. I like this 70s wedding.

Le Monde's and chops. People still eat chops. Well, not really. What do you mean? Not really. Not with those little white chef's hats on the end, which I know you favour. I bet you're one of these people that just presses out the meat, like just from the centre, like a medallion.

It leaves the string of fat. across the top, many ways, the best bit. Anyway, so it was a really very nostalgic meal. And you know, there's not, I discovered there's not that much on them when it comes down. It's mainly shell and bone. Really? So, you've been warned.

Okay. But I noticed when we went out for lunch the day, because we're very communal, Austria. There was a new thing, as we go to a place called Totten's which is in Coven Garden. And there was a thing on the blackboard I've never seen before. It was the chef's

recommendation. Oh. And you know, it put me off the whole experience, the fact that there was a chef's recommendation. Did it? Why? Because I had an image of the chef. Someone's saying, Luigi, we need your recommendation. What is this? No thing? Yes. And then he must have gone down the menu going, no, not recommending that. No. And then he finally recommends it. It made me think less of everything. Oh, so it made the emissions seem worse. Exactly. I know what you mean.

Yeah, you don't want any emissions on the menu. So, yeah, so I think the chef's recommend the chef. The chef's recommend that. That's how you say, isn't it? Yeah. Could have just as easily been a list of what the chef is not that crazy about and everything else. He did recommend the most expensive thing on the menu. Yeah, well, I bet he was lead.

I bet he was led by that. That's my very good. And I had a slightly embarrassing thing. situation I was I was well I've been doing press this week oh yeah I don't mean I've been making cider I've been doing press interviews yeah and so I get a car I get I get driven in I don't get a car I mean I get driven in and I was driven in by by Mark who's been driving me for a lot I'm just working my way around the language I'm sometimes thinking you know perhaps these pronunciations could be better so I'm just trying some

different one. And he's very cool, Mark. He's probably the coolest person. Oh, I've seen him. Yeah, he's very... We were listening to Absolute Radio. And they played London's Calling by the Clash. Oh, yeah. And the Clash is a quite a cool thing to and I said, you know, it come in with that d-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-d-d-and I thought, yeah, I'm going to sing this because

hey man, I'm cool, I like cool music, I'm into the clash. And I went, London's burning. And I accidentally said the name of a 1990s Sunday night drama series and I couldn't get out of him it's a nursery rhyme it was originally a nursery rhyme

oh how embarrassing Frank oh man it's the word you know sometimes this thing when you sing a song sometimes I'll sing a song and I'll realise when I come to the rhyme in the second line that I must have got the first line wrong because it doesn't rhyme anymore so sometimes I'll try and come up with a word

quickly That's really embarrassing With Amex Platinum $400 in annual credits for travel and dining means you not only satisfy your travel bug but your taste buds too That's the powerful backing of Amex Conditions apply

It's the matcha or the three ensemble Cicot of Cephora of the Fats that I've been to denichy who energize all the time? Mm, it's the ensemble. The format standard and mini regrouped? Hello, Ben.

And the embellage, too beau, who is practically to give to them. And I know that I should have these Summer Fridays and Rare Beauty by

Selena Gomez. Mm, I'm I'm sure. The most ensemble, the Cado of the Fettos'Cardos Rare Beauty,

way, Cifora Collection, and other part of Vite VIII. Procure you for a better quality of price. on Siphora.com or in magazine.

Whether it's a pair of running shoes or a new car, you check how well something performs before you buy it. Why should investing be any different? At Fidelity, we get that performance matters most. With sound financial advice and quality investment products,

we're here to help with accelerating your dreams. Chat with your advisor or visit Fidelity.ca. Performance to learn more. Commission's fees and expenses may apply. Read the funds or ETF's prospectus before investing. Funds and ETFs are not guaranteed. Their values change.

and past performance may not be repeated. Franks, I hate it when you're dumped and when the sympathy goes. Because you have about two weeks, I think, during which everyone's really nice to you. You can talk about it until the cows come home. Well, it's a great story of being dumped story.

Yeah. I mean, I love listening to a friend's broken-hearted being dumped stories. You know, they've got anguish. People, I'm in love and everything's going great. It's the dolly story you could ever listen to. but I've been mistreated. He was with my sister in my own house. I want popcorn when the friends are telling me those stories.

Actually, Frank, you're very good. You've given me very good advice in the past. Frank said two good things to me, which all stuck in my mind. Once you said to me, I was talking and talking and talking as you do, and you said, yeah, you'll feel a bit like the ancient mariner with the need to tell your tale constantly, which I laughed. Well, I think you have to keep telling your tale until you're bored with you, and then you know you're getting over it.

That's my theory. And then you said something else which I really liked Which is I was in, my girlfriends and I call it the incident room Which is you go to the incident room And when you're in there, you don't judge, you just, all you do is analyse So again, you're allowed to be in there for about two weeks Until everyone starts getting bored And I was still in the incident room in one occasion

And I was over analysing and then I started saying But then I think I know what happened I think this happened and I think that happened And there must have been a phone call And you went, okay, you've moved on to the forensic stage That's progress That's when people saying, So when he said that,

he probably met, of course you've probably seen on that day, and that coat, that coat that he said belonged to his mother, then you're Colombo then. Yeah. I mean, it's... Well, that's good.

You should set up an incident room for those situations. So you have a whiteboard and you have all pictures and you can, like, make lists of all... Have you ever been dogs, Karen? Only when I was very young. How old?

No, I don't mean in a waist bin by your parents. I mean, I mean, I'm talking romantically later. Yeah, no, I was dumped by Beth and Jacket when I was about 11. Beth and Jacket? Yeah. What sort of a person is she? A jacket from Leicester. Hold on, was she actually a jacket?

She was a potato. That's what I'm worried about. I can imagine you dating a jacket in your teenage years. I just, I would not find that unbelievable. She used to say you were having me on. No, and I was very affected by it And I was, and I'd seen in films. You know how people drink a lot in films?

How old were you? I was, I reckon I must have been, it went up to sort of year nine, so that's about 13. So I must have been about 11. I'm sorry, that doesn't count. No, no, I think you can, you can have your heartbroken at 11. You know how people drink a lot in films? Well, not just in films, Frank, but that's another story.

Yeah. So, um, I used to drink a lot, but I don't think you can, no, not, I'll take that, but I don't think you can have your heart broken. I think one's heart at 11 is a bit like the bones of a child. They've got that robberiness about them, so they don't go easy. No, I wouldn't say she broke my heart. I was just going through the motions. I was trying to, you know, you try and act like you think you're supposed to act.

So what I did is I went to the school canteen, and I lined up a big tray of cups of orange juice. And I drank my way through all of them. You're joking. Why did you do that? Sat at the school dining table. I love that girl. Oh, hansed over the table. like a drunk in a bottle.

You really do that? Lined up a big load of... That's fabulous. I think you can combat heartbreak with vitamin C. You've probably seen J.R. doing it with whiskey or something on Dallas. You thought that's what you did.

Yeah, that's exactly what I did. I listen to Roy Orbison tracks whenever I've been dumped. You know, only the lonely and all that. I absolutely... I think you've got to make the most of it. I really try and make myself cry. You've got to have a good wallet

and then you feel better at the other side. Now, what was the thing you were going on about handshakes Garrett Yes Now some boffins I said in the paper Boffins were involved

I think in Manchester University Are those those very squat birds With the yellow beak That's right That's right yeah Ours are silly There's a lot of them And they've devised

The perfect handshake They've given you guidelines Because it can be awkward Greetings can be really awkward Not really I'm very good at this kind of thing Yeah I know This is partly why I want to talk to you Okay

So the guidelines guidelines they've given is dry palms. Dry palms is good. The mistake I've been making is oiling up first. No, but I shake... On a Sunday I go to Roman Catholic Mass, and there's a bit called the sign of peace where you all shake hands and say peace be with you.

And you'd be surprised how many clammy hands. Really? And I mean really quite clammy. Ones that feel like they've just been moisturised and not robbed in you. Are you supposed to eat clams in church? I think that's acceptable. Okay. So dry haptopar, a strong grip with fingers under the receiving palm.

Fingers under the receiver. Oh, yeah, I can see that. Maintain eye contact. Yeah, I agree. Now that, I'm strong on. I hate it when people shake your hand and look somewhere else. What sort of animal does that? I've never experienced that. I think they're looking to see if anyone more excitings in the room. That's what I was there. Oh, I do do that, yeah. Yeah. and I've had it before intimate relations

you know when you shake hands before yeah I always shake hands before the money changes hands no I always shake hands before making love just to put everything on an even keel and do you maintain eye contact throughout no well no not on a good night I like the last five minutes my eyes roll to the top of my head

oh god Anyway, look, so... Two to four vigorous shakes. What? Yes, what a night that was. You know, I haven't been to... I haven't been to Dubai since. They reckon two to four vigorous shakes for two to three seconds.

Two to three seconds. Actually, you don't want to be doing it. You don't want to stop much in the other hand. No. No. Chris Eubank used to pride himself on having a... Very, very firm. Does he have a vigorous shake?

No, well, he, to be honest, he's, he was, it was bullying, really. He used to shake your hand and he'd squeeze it. He'd really squeeze it, so it hurt. Oh, yes, I, do you know, I think I've been on the receiving end of him. Yes, I've heard that. Yes. Did you retain eye contact? Well, you couldn't, could you be covering in saliva?

I didn't mean that. No, we'd squeeze. No, no, no, I have, I've shaken his hand. I mess with a celebrity party. The surely he wouldn't squeeze a lady's hard. He did. I remember it being, he squeezed it. It was quite a vigorous shake.

Yes. No, I hate that. Do you remember Chris Ramsey, who was one of our guests? Yes. When I gigged with him one time. And we went to the gig, and the guy who was promoting the gig, shook our hands. And as he did it, he did the most painful handshake you've ever had. So, it was a crack.

Oh. And just, he did it to all of us, and then Chris arrived. It's when the outside knuckle touch is the inside knuckle. Oh, yeah. Really dreadful. And we all, you know, didn't know what, and we were all shocked by it. And then Chris arrived and he shook his hand. And Chris said, oh, what did I ever do to you?

Why did he turn into cookie monster? He's from the north. Oh, is he? Okay. But no, what I would say to you, Gareth, advice re- greeting, re-handshaking. I tend to practice the double kiss, as you're both probably aware, when I meet someone. But the trouble is it's becoming adopted by too many now. So I've had to do something else.

Are you saying that you pioneered the double kiss? Is that your suggestion? I was an earlier doctor in this country. So I'll kiss on one cheek and then I grab the minister of arm lock. You'll notice I do that. Really? Yeah, in a hug. So it's kiss and a hug.

Like a half Nelson? Yeah, half Nelson, yeah. Seems to work. So one arm, flung over the shoulder. I don't think you can do that to men though. It's a bit weird. Okay, well. You two shook hands the other day when you met.

Yes. It was a very warm hand cheek. Well, we would have, I would have, you, but there was a table in between us. I, the kissing, I'd hear my worst kissing experience is... Chris Eubank? No, I imagine he'd, even his lips would squeeze, yeah, he was such a, so aggressively. Anyway, by the way, Chris Eubank, I once saw him shake hands with Jeff Goldblum.

Oh, that would have been a good photo. Yeah, and you know Jeff Goldblum is, I don't know, I find him one of the most annoying people on the planet. Really? Why? Because his idea of acting seems to be speaking in a way that no one has ever spoken With all the stresses in the wrong. So his idea of acting would be, I, did I, did I, I went to the, the sharps at the, and the road. And I think, no, that's not acting.

That's just saying words in odd ways. I saw him, he's on in the West End, and I went past a poster. Oh, yeah. And I saw him, and I thought you'll just be going, Yeah, hi. I spoke to Marissa yesterday, and she said, and who wants that? Who wants that?

So anyway, he got his come-up, because Chris Eubank squeezed his hand so hard that his knees bent. Jeff Goldblum's knees actually. He buckled at the knee. He'd be buckled. He was suddenly four foot two. And he went, wow, that was hard at hand. And it hurt.

And I think it did And I was glad Anyway, I was in a green room Not a green room, but a room where one goes after a show And Elvis Costello was there With his wife of the time, I say of the time, Cot, she was called I don't know if you remember, she was in the...

Oh, yes, what was her name? Cot, it's the Irish thing. Anyway, we were saying goodbye And I did the cheek kiss And she went, oh no. Did she? Yeah, and I thought, oh dear, what have I done? And she said, I'm sorry, she were, I mean,

she recoiled. She physically recoiled And she said, sorry, I just, I don't like the kiss thing And I was mortified. Did Elvis know that? Elvys said, oh, don't worry about it. Yeah, and then Jeff Gelt, I saw that. And I wondered.

No, it was, it was nightmare. I was stiff with stress this week. Because we'd been up in Edinburgh and I decided in a moment of madness, I don't know why I did this. I decided to go on this event called Festival in the Sky where you sit around a dining table

which gets suspended it goes up 100 feet in the sky up by Edinburgh Castle Couldn't it suspended in what way Well it's hard to explain really Daisy you're on a crane of some kind No it's a dining table And the crane lifts the entire

So you were on a crane It wasn't that hard to explain It was a dining table lifted by a crane You're not on the crane No, but you're at the dining table You're on the dining table Okay, okay So you're sitting around

Oh, it's horrible It was horrible Do you swing in the wind? Yes, you can your chair, she says the woman says The chair swivels 360 degrees I thought why would I be doing that?

Why do you want to swivel 360 degrees at a dining table? Well also, why would you want to look down that far? Anyway, as soon as I got on I started panicking because you know what I'm like, I make a fuss I do make a fuss And they started playing

Yeah, it's the only way is up which I hated. And I can't believe this is the last song I'm going to hear in my life. And she went, can you please not panic others? She actually told me off. Please don't panic others. It's that kind of sympathetic approach that has met the Scots

famous throughout the West of World. I got told off for panicking others. I did keep saying, we're going to die, we're going to die. You didn't say that. I did. But I often say that before meals. Before gigs you sometimes say that. Yeah, but I'm often right. No, you're not. So then you go

up there and you get to look at the castle but you can't really enjoy it because you're so terrified and are you eating at the time yes what's the food like oh it was very nice but i couldn't eat it because i was moving my head like a thunderbird puppet so i didn't want to look down okay so i didn't finish most of it was salmon and kind of cheese lots of cheese there's a lot of cheese up there don't talk to me about cheese i've been living on cheese but it was two weeks there i mean cheese every meal how come because absolute set me a cheese hamper Which is nice of them But someone else had recently sent me

I told, didn't I talk about this last week? Was it on the show? Was it on the Great Lost? Oh my God, was it on the Great Lost podcast? The podcast tapes. Yeah, I had so much cheese that my... I had veins coming up on my legs, which I realised were just like on blue cheese.

Blue Stilton veins. Yeah. I had this hard red skin on my shoulder. Yeah, it was... Oh, man. Cheese does cheese keep? Well, it keeps in a kind of a smell terrible kind of a way. Yeah.

Yeah. When I open the fridge, it's like I've gone into the home of a pensioner who's been dead for two months and been undiscovered. Oh, God. Get yourself a Tupperware. Get a Tupperware, put it in a Tupperware. Well, it's too late now. I think the damage is done. I've got chocolate in the fridge.

I thought I'll have a bit of chocolate. It tastes exactly like cheese. Everything. Everything is like cheese. The eggs, the eggs taste like cheese. It permeated the shell of the egg. Why did absolute send you that? It's a lovely thing I'm not condemning it.

But what occasion do you say with cheese? I think it was thanks for all your work at the World Cup. I like to say thank you very much. I wonder if Fabio said David Beckham some cheese. Isn't that exactly what it was. Thank you for your work at the World Cup. They preempted Fabio Capello's highly insensitive remarks. All right, no one in the World Cup squad got cheese.

Fabio said, no, cheese for you! No, exactly, he's strict. They like a bit of cheese. So the pie in the sky. It's not called pie in the sky. Well, it's not well, should be. It's called Festival in the Sky. No, I should say...

I knew a woman once who had a... She had a pig roast in the company. And she'd have any pigs. She used to have the snare them in the early hours of the morning. No, she had a pig roast. She used to do the pig roasts at party. You know, you're looking at me as if it's... Hog roast.

Oh, piggy roast. A pig roast? What did you think about me? Hog roast. You looked at me like I talked about some terrible thing involving seven or eight professional footballers. A pig roast on a spit. And she'd turn up in the morning. It takes eight hours, apparently, to roast a full-sized peep.

And it's a little, see, you've learned something to do for it. It's going to write that down. Yeah, we did recipe. That's not exactly a recipe, is it? Put it over a recipe. of pyre for eight hours. There you go. On a spit. On a spit.

So, yeah, on a spit. So, anyway, her company was called Pigs Will Fry. Oh. And I hadn't got their heart to say, they're not actually frying. Oh, it's still quite good. You're roasting at that.

Yeah. Oh, I think that's fair enough. I'm glad I have that. Okay, fair enough. Don't be so rude about her. Anyway, so I'm saying it should be called Piner's sky. You're all. But, you know, for those that like height, congratulations. Well done. You'll love it. For those that don't, Daisy, who works on the show,

oh, she turned around to me next to me. She's being so smug, sitting there in her aviators. She said, I love it, I love heights. How can you love heights? No, it's not right. I love depths. Why would you say that? I love wits.

I do quite like wits. Stop it. No, that is one of those... But when you're a bit frightened and the person you're with isn't a bit frightened, they don't just enjoy what they're doing. They enjoy the fact that they're not a bit frightened, and you are.

She's going, I'm so not frightened, I can't believe it. I can't believe you're frightened and panicking everyone. I'm not sure I'd like it. I was worried about you on there. I don't think you would have liked it, Frank. Well, also, I'm a sort of person who will occasionally say drop a knife or fork when I met a restaurant table. I mean, you could get, is it a net or something beneath you? No.

Oh, there's no net? Well, I was worried my phone was going to follow and put your phones on the table, please. They're very strict. You had to put all your stuff in the middle of the table. Right. It sounds like a seance. It would be a great place. If they did a night version,

they could do a seance, a hundred feet above Edinburgh Castle. I mean, what would be brilliant about it? Yeah, because it wasn't scary enough. I mean, how big is the crane? You could lower a seance onto people's roof gardens. So you could just nip out. I'll just let the dog out on the roof garden.

Go out, there's a seance going. I mean, how terrifying we're back there. Frank's kid is with your days. It could go one of two ways. And we've had some Texans. saying associations with music um sigh from pgle associations with music that's your summary of the family

yeah i mean for god fake i also like that the texts are saying associations of music well let's not pick on gareth it was his birthday oh why change the habit of a lifetime well about a lot it might seem like a lifetime to you no but i like it when he goes all john gilgood like that dramatic anyway

what of the text sigh from pgill in marchant's hill who is a regular texter. I think it's... Cy from PGL. Yeah, I think his parents get lost. We've been done this way before. Charitable organisation.

Yeah. Was dumped at a Good Charlotte gig. Gig. I've got stuck four years ago and now can't listen to Good Charlotte's Boys, Girls and Boys. Boys and Boys? Girls and Boys.

Dumped at a gig. How does that happen? Because it's a gig. There's not much room for conversation. I don't think it's working. Sorry. Sorry, what? I don't think it's worth.

That's what it must have been like. That's why they do it, so you can't have a proper confrontation. Did she go? Did she just go and stand in another part of the gig? I mean, she wouldn't have stayed at his side after that. That would have been terrible. Well, yeah, what would you do? Well, suddenly you're the only one who's not dancing,

because you've just been dumped. I once got dumped before a gig, though, because the guy just didn't turn up. It was a Paul Weller gig, and I waited and I waited, and he just never came. That's quite bad, isn't it? Yeah, I don't know if that class is. being domped.

Well, it's because I never really saw him again. I've never knew what happened. But that's the trouble with the internet, don't you think? Well, how dare you? That's all. Frank? Yes, carry on. Matt says I have a terrible link with most sting tracks,

don't we all? My wife, not wanting to waste money, she spent on tickets, made me go to a sting concert when I had proper flu. I hear Roxanne now. I break into a cold sweat. Yeah, I hear Roxanne now. I'm unable not to join in.

It's so high. You just think I'm really. I'm going to go with him, what? Even if you don't want to. I don't think he should anyway. I was at home in London in the week, and cussed my girlfriend's up in Edinburgh for the whole thing.

I was home alone, as it were. And I didn't do that screamy face that McCauley Colking did. And he shouldn't have gone to Neverland in the first place. Anyway. Franklin? Franklin? So, yeah, so I, I, there. The house gets a little bit untidy, if you're not careful,

when you're in on your own and being casual. So I thought, I'll fill the dishwasher, right? Something I don't do that often. I'll be straight with you. Oh, rock and roll. And I went around the house, and I gathered every little bit of dirty cotlery, and I loaded it up.

And I put it on, and I had a burst of absolute massive excitement. The fact, first of all, I was so proud of myself that I'd gone and gathered the dirty crockery and stuff. You know, you feel like a job well done. end of it. I actually, when my hands went, yes, that's that, put a why, thank you very much. Like a Disney character.

But the knowledge that it was in that dishwasher, cleaning, I found exhilarating. You know the things in life that you don't appreciate a lot of the time, and suddenly it strikes it. It was, like, up here I've noticed, up in Edinburgh,

there's a couple of roads that are, they're closed. They've actually got barriers, they're closed to traffic. They're proper roads, not pedestrian areas, but proper roads. or it just closed, I don't know, because the road works. And if I cross a road that's closed like that, so I know that I have the luxury of not having to attend to forthcoming traffic, I love it.

A little thrill you get. I was tempted to cross back and cross over again. Just not having to check for traffic. What a bonus. I get that fact, that domestic thrill, I get that, you know, when you've got a grimy hob, and I, why are people laughing? It's not nothing weird with that.

Isn't that that film with Johnny Depp? With that sort of gothic... You know what I mean about the Grimy Hop and there's all dirt on it and I quite like letting it build up. Grimy Hobb is a sort of like a fictional town from a Noel Edmund's TV show. All I was in the post office in Grimy Hobb. Grimy Hob.

Yes, a grimy hob. But you know, I quite like letting the dirt build up so that then I get the satisfaction of you put all the cream on it you put like the what is it called that stuff that product I don't know if I'm allowed to say SIF it's called SIF yeah and then and then you use a J-cloth and then it's clean it's all oh I love that one it's sparkling I've been putting cream on my SIF for years and has it killed it certainly not oh my God I'm terribly sorry everyone I seem to be picking up Emperor Roscoe in my right here can that be right yeah it's but then again there

domestic horrors, the worst thing ever is the failed battery on the smoke alarm. Oh, I'm glad you said the smoke alarm. I'll see that. I'll tell you what I can. But I find when it first goes, you know, it's when it first goes,

I think it's my training shoe against the wooden floor. And I think, and then I think, I've been done that over the years on. Yeah. And then I think, oh, it's that thing. And it means you have to get You can't get the top off the damn thing. Which I know is very responsible, but ages ago I wanted a fag

and I couldn't have one because he kept going off. So I disabled it. I must change that because that's very naughty, isn't it? Can I say on behalf of the absolute radio disabling your smoke alarms is a very, very bad idea. I love making things work when they didn't work before. I went around my mate's house and they had an extractor fan that they said when you go in the bathroom,

you have to keep the light off all the time. Because if you put the extractor fan on, it will stay on for an hour. And I was like, well, that can't be right. It must be on some sort of timer. So I got a screwdriver. You got a screwdriver. I got a screwdriver. You of all people, I can't believe it.

I opened it up, and I adjusted the timer on it, so it went off after about five minutes. And I was the king of the world. Well, I'll get to our house. We've taken all my radio show wasn't going to have been a bed in and tightening. It feels like a backwood step. I know that people find them. things quite frightening.