The Frank Skinner Show - Frank Skinner's Radio Days: Haribo Ring

Episode Date: September 16, 2026

This week, it’s 2014 and the gang are discussing puddings! Frank acquires some new jewellery, and a love for beanbags. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Do not text today. Otherwise the studio explodes. That's what we've been told. We can't leave. What was it? Don't phone. It's just for fun. That's what Chris Evans used to say. Did he? Yeah.

I think that was to ex-conquest, maybe. Don't phone. But you're saying Doug texts. I've got Jerry on the line again. I've told you. Tell their don't fall. It's just for fun. I've got told you that. Get that polka dot shirt out

Now then Charlene, where were we? Wow So, yes, it's because we're not live So if you text, you'll be throwing money down the drain And the studio will explode, as you said And the studio will explode But you know what, I'm more worried about them losing money Than I'm perishing

That's the kind of a guy I am I'm not factually I'm worried about the perishing Okay, worried about the perishing what? I thought there was going to be some old night On the buses? I'm worried about the perishing

Clippies. Did you introduce us? Yes. Oh, okay, I forgot. Did you list that bit? Yeah. I normally listen when my name comes out, but I didn't... What about this? Can I start off with a bit of a bombshell? Oh, yeah. I did chatty man this week.

Did you? It went out last night. You're doing well for yourself. Oh, very good. And we had to do a trailer. You know, I used to do a trailer where you sit with all the other guests on the sofa, and he says, oh, come in this week. And off you go. And it was me, it was Esten Blumenthal, and it was Cardinal Burns. So some listeners not in the Birmingham area are aware he does have an H in his name as well.

Who? Esten. Yeah, okay. Anyway, so, and it was Paloma Faith. So they all assembled on the sofa. And Paloma said really quite loudly to Alan Carr, God, your own standard of guests dropped a bit, hasn't it?

Last time I was on it was Nikki Minaj. It was like a real... I felt... I laughed, but inside. I don't know who Nicky Minaj is. Well, exactly. And that... Doesn't that show the priorities of that woman? Doesn't it?

Yeah. But it was... She's a rapper. It left me feeling... You remember, Nikki Minaj is... We've talked about her on the show when she insisted that... No, we've talked about her caravan at a festival.

I've heard some eutphemisms in my time. Yeah, exactly. She has a big behind. What? I've said it now. Some of the best people in the studio have one. That's a bit of a worry, because I introduced the first song today by saying this is for Kath, there's my girlfriend. But of course, we go out on all the other absolute channels as well as Absolute Radio.

I might have said, oh, this is for Kath. And then they might have played Fat Bottom Girls by Queen. When I get back, the house will be on fire and she'll be long gone. Hell, she'll be long. That's really put me off below my face, you know. Has it? Yeah, how dare she? Well, I didn't feel she was being light-hearted.

I just felt she was being... I'd say your moments away from a nighthood. Was she being self-deprecating? No, I don't think she was being self-deprecating. I think she was genuinely saying that she just happened to come on a bad night. I'm not going to dress it up in any other way. Here is a funny story. I was... I don't know quite how to put...

but I was in the bathroom this morning. And I'm wearing a pair of Calvin Classics today. Of course you are, they're basically bootleg pants. Not boot flare pants. Although that would be not. They're actually the opposite of that. I find that Calvin Classics cling really tight at the thigh. Except then the waistband comes asunder, doesn't it?

This current pair are still holding up pretty strong. Well, they're intact. They're fairly new. But yeah, that's what happens. You pull your waistband up and it's just robbing your armpits. Anyway, so I looked at the label. I've never really looked at the label before, but I was sitting there.

I could see the label from where I was sitting, if you received my meaning. And it said on it very clearly, do not, let me get this right now. Oh, yes, it says, keep away from fire. Oh, is that an instruction to men in the Vauxhall area? So I thought, I should say that fire is a well-known club in the Vauxhall area. I've always said there should be a pub next door called the Friday Pack.

But there isn't. And then I looked down at a towel that was on the floor, and it said on there, keep away from fire. Is this the new thing now that things have on the label? This is this feels like more your area, cock-rawls, the safety regulation. Advice to passing moths. It's the new advice is to keep away from fire.

We've tried getting really near it over the years, It's better to keep away from it. It doesn't seem very 21st century. It's a bit Leanderthal Man, isn't it? Neanderthal Man didn't need tell him to keep away from fire. But I just, it struck me. You're right, guys. You're really highlighting the infantilising of modern society.

Yes, the Nany State. That's right, yeah. Yeah. Good, well done for illustrating that point, guys. Thanks very much. Shium we can't have texting. What's happening to the show? It's gone awful. So...

This is the most awful show ever. That's the trailer, sorted. So I'm still touring. Are you? Still going on. I love it when you're on tour. It's been... I was in Glasgow this week.

Oh, how was that? It was very nice gig. Was it? Lovely hotel. Good. And a breakfast to die for. Scottish? Do you have the full Scottish?

I didn't have the full Scottish. I mean, the full Scottish, you don't know what that means. There was a porridge station. as they called it. What's the? Porridge station, which is a little table that just deals with porridge.

That's like you working on North Sea or oil rig? It's an actual station. But hold it. There's a bottle of whiskey on the porridge station. Yeah. There's not. So you can put a bit of whiskey in your porridge first thing in the morning.

It's not for everyone. It's not for everyone, no. Just your lot. I said to the waitress, I said, excuse me, do people act? I said, I'm referring now to the porridge station. Yeah. Do people actually put whiskey in their porridge?

And she said, I don't, but some people do. And she said to me, in a very proud voice, I never drink before midday. She was like 19. That's a good rule. And she said, oh, some days we have a Bloody Mary station. People have that.

I thought, what, Bloody Mary? What, this is the hotel I was searching for in the 80s. So I could have, it's sort of hair of the dog station. Anyway, I... Did you take advantage of the facility? Did they have a low alcohol? They didn't have that, sadly. They had a Serrano ham.

I mean, look, a big leg. Did they have a Serrano ham station? No, they didn't have a station. It was stationery. But it was a big let, a breakfast. But you could see the shape of the animal, yeah. And you had to go and slice your own Serrana. That's a hot breakfast.

That's not like me eating my parents' leftovers. I was a child. No, it was good. It made me feel again a bit, Neanderthal. Neanderthal, as they say. probably the low countries. Did you have that after your porridge?

Not answering that. What about this? I had an idea. Lovely. I haven't had one of those for age. No, I haven't. I was a bit taken about it. Can I just say it's quite a 70s thing to have?

I've got an idea. Yeah, because all the people who had ideas were like that Sinclair bloke who did the C-5. Those are ideas. Now we've had them all. Now people just do blogs. But I don't really have ideas anymore. But I was in a restaurant.

I was in a restaurant. Lovely, thank. Thank you. Boosy porridge and parma ham with a cider. And I said, wouldn't it be nice things about eating out is a bit of variety seeing different people. And wouldn't it be nice if there was a place that just sold desserts? Oh, yeah.

What would you call it? I'm thinking Frank Skinner's just desserts. Yeah. Many have been on the receiving end of those. Because then it would say that it was just dessert. It would also be a cent that I deserved. Having had an illustrious career early on and ended up with what I deserved, which is some minor role in catering.

I'm thinking neon italic sign. Yes. Are you, Cockroll? Yeah, all right. Maybe the S is falling off. What about this? I also thought, je sui. Jusui.

Absolutely, sick. Therefore, says I am, I am. That's how, it's not poor Sartre. That's so integral they are to you, the sweet thing. But also, I'm using the just sweets. No, Frank, it's too complicated. It's not going to work. Well, but that would be that bit of draw people in just to find out what the sign meant.

People wouldn't. He wasn't go in and say, I wonder what that sign means. I'll go and eat better. I'll see, I'll tell what it means. Why, you finish this lemon meringue pie, sir? You say, that's my method. I'm bearing mind I've got like a red and white striped apron on and maybe a false moustache. Oh, lovely.

I don't know what the catering rules are. I don't look at the Victorian strong man. I don't want to put on a false moustache and then find I have to have netting around it for health and safety. Anyway, so I was... Frank skin has just desserts. Then you might increase the footfall because people might think, oh, it's...

We're allowed to get our revenge on Frank. People could turn up feeling... We get loads of people from television. crews. Maybe it's always been a bit of a git. A couple of Sony judges. Throw a broshe at him or something. You could put yourself at the stocks like it's a country fair or something.

No, you've taken this idea to a unpleasant extreme. What was the sweets one? I hated it. Pudding week as well, I thought. Just sweet. Just sweet. Just sweet. Hibon. T.S, you say.

Js sweet. Yeah, all right. So pleased with himself. I am. I've got another one. I've got another title. I might be the worst. idea you've had since that Got Quans show you decided you were going to do.

Well, I sent to the waitress in this restaurant I was eating in, which is a normal Japanese restaurant. I said, how do you think a restaurant would do if they just sold? Yeah. If they only sold desserts and it was called just desserts, how do you think? And she said, why are you telling me this? It's really awkward. Well, um, it's really awkward. Well, um, it's a little base. Just sweet. Or pudding week, I thought. Pudding week.

Just spelt. That's a pun. When I first started work, which was in a factory, back in the 70s, I really need some music for this, but I don't think I've got any. Let's just imagine. I haven't seen that porn film. So, I'll send it. It's not on the post like last time. You know you can send it.

They used to do this. They used to do this. thing where you got paid a week in advance, a week in hand, not in advance. Anyway, when you came up to your holidays, we all took the same holiday, nobody chose their holidays, the factory closed down last week in July, first week in August, which was known rather wonderfully as the industrial fortnight. But the week where you got your money for the holiday, so the week that counted for your holiday thing was called Pudding Week, because you did all the overtime you could possibly do.

so that you could afford pudding on holiday, was the theory. Oh, no. That's a nice priority. So Pudding week, again, people would come in to find out what I meant by that, and I'd say, well, I'll tell you that, why you eat this Eccles cake. Just some so you're aware, to be absolutely clear on this. I would never go in to find out what you meant by Pudding Week. No, but you're not a puddings person, are you?

Oh, I like it. It's just sweet. Don't get me wrong. Not part of your target market by now being a dessert. No, no, I'm largely after the clinically obese. They're my crowd. I've already thought about the doors. Have you? I'm going to have those like black...

You know, those sort of see-through plastic hang-down sheets you get in factories. So you can take a fort-lost. You take a fort-lift truck through this. And they just part, naturally. I'm going for that. We'll find a way of securing it after hours if that's what you're worried about at home. So I thought, you know, I don't have many ideas. But I like that.

And you can have takeaway, you know, someone's in a bit of a rush. Maybe on a diet. just have a couple of tonics. Lovely. Tonics. Tonics. Tonics. You could have gin and tonics.

That's what you could have. Gin and tonics. You could have gin and tonics. I've come up with the best idea of the morning so far. What's that? Gin and tonics. Because I said tonics by mistake. Did you come up now?

You threw down the raw materials, but I think it was assembled by... I fell upon it. By yours truly. As they say. Oh. It's priceless. Oh. Anyway, so, yes, so there's that.

I've got used to just live in the high life while I've been on tour, and so I started thinking in these sort of terms. It's very different from my level of tour. Well, you say that, but when I am a restaurant king... You is a restaurant king. Yeah, when I am like, you know, the little chef. You don't cook, though, and you're not that driven by food, are you? And you spend your time at home base trying to be freebies?

Yes. You've had one. Prank, you know what you're going to have... Yeah, but you're going to have to get some of those chef glasses like Heston. They all wear them now, the chemistry glasses. I'm not going in the kitchen. Oh, excuse me? What I'll do is I'll hang around.

What you're a chef? What? Our handground now and again, and then I'll sit at the table, save to just a couple of diners, and so did I have a tea about the time I used to be on television? So how would you describe your role? Right, if you're not a chef? It's cream filled. Oh, nice.

Oh, sweet. I'm going to wear this when I just wander around the restaurant, tell him. Oh yeah, you should. Is that going to be your signature look, is it? Yeah, there's always something sugar-based. Oh, be careful, don't get... Next to my skin.

Then go too near that naked hoblob. Too right. I've got a little tip for you. I've got a little tip for you for on the road if you're interested. Sometimes you can eat out too much, can't you? You just want something simple in your room. Here's what I've been doing lately. I've been buying, you know, in the...

Room service? No, in non-room service. in your local Tesco Express or whatever it is. You know, Sainsbury's local, you go in one of them. A supermarket, of some kind. A little supermarket near the hotel. You get a bag of salad, like the Watercrest or Rockaway. I don't like it so far.

A bag of salad? Perhaps £1.20? I'd use that maybe if there was no pillow in the room. It's the only reason I'd ever buy a bag of salad. I'll finish, see if anybody fancies it. Well, I won't if it's a bag of salad. You open it, right? Oh, okay.

Conventional. So keep it in a bag form. This is a complex recipe. And you get a small tin of anchovies in olive oil. That's all absolutely bilious. Antivis I like. Just tip it in. I know.

Give it a big old stir. You're kidding. You're a oil as well? Yeah. What do you use to stir it? A complementary pencil? Well, actually, I did tell you a story about how I used two little, um, stylus, like, plastic teaspoon stirers in one hotel.

But, yeah, just use the teaspoon out of the cup. I'm not worried about the stirring. I'm going to better consuming. And then you eat that? I eat that in the hotel. I'm worried about the date. Complete. I mean, it's lucky you're settled.

Because frankly... It's probably two pound for that healthy salad. That's disgusting. I'm just saying, imagine if I went back with a guy to a hotel room and I said, can we order a room service? Hold on one at a time, please. Sorry. I know this is a stereo studio.

No, but how, honestly. Ladies first. I'm not... No, but I'm just thinking, what would I think if I saw that? If I was with a man? And he was eating that. Yeah. Sometimes I have to dispense with the spoon because I can't quite get enough on it.

And so I just basically dip my head and my hand into the bag and eat it, you know, like the Chinese with chopsticks. I sort of flick it in my face. You've sort of married the idea of like horrible fast food eating, like people. But you've put that in, you've taken healthy food and drag that into the same mess. Yeah, I suppose. It's so functional. Very functional. I've been eating in the bathroom.

I've been eating a lot of mixed cereals. That's my thing. Oh. Which ones then? So I get a bowl and I'll have... Is this at the buffet? Yeah, so I'll have all brand corn flakes, rice crispsies. All together.

All in the same thing. I mean, you'd never do that at home. Think of all the boxes. It's gaping at you. But there they're in bowls. I'll just do what I like. Lucky charms. I don't top with yogurt.

Orange juice. I'd go fruit plate. I always go fruit plate. No, I have a couple of slices of Serrano on top. Like a lid. Of course you do. Like a pie crust. There's very little food.

wouldn't be improved with a bit of Serrano ham on top, I think. And I tell you, I was in Liverpool, and there was a lot of autograph hunters. Oh, lovely, that's nice for you, darling. Yeah, but the unnerving thing is, they were waiting at the hotel. Oh, that is unnerving. You don't want them to know where you're staying.

I don't know where you're staying, but not where you're staying. Not these days. But then they were at the gig as well. I'm getting slightly distracted by your harrow-mo ring. Okay, yes, a lot of, a lot of girls do. And, um... Like a strange thing. confectionery Pope. So the next morning

I was leaving the hotel and there were the same autograph onto us and I thought they're just crazy about me and as I was leaving the hotel, Helen McCrory the actress. She's lovely. Was also leaving. Lovely. Vampires of Venice. Is she? Peaky blinders. Oh really?

No, she had that fix now. Oh, I see. Yeah. And she stepped out and they were all over it and I just, they just completely ignored me. I felt like Jennifer Hanniston. Oh, no. And then Paloma Faith popped up. So you don't get the big celebrities at these hotels anymore. It shows that she was right, in hindsight.

But no, I didn't. I felt hurt by these people. I'd signed about 93 leaflets. I know it's Helen McCrory, Ellen McCrory. It seemed lovely, can I say. Just with that Damien Lewis? I've heard that, yeah. He was brilliant on the bosses, likely.

Oh, cool. Across Canada in a Volvo. Destination, Vancouver, turn left to leave. Travel west through, approaching. Continue toward. You've arrived. Adventure in comfort with Volvo. Whether you prefer gas, plug-in hybrid, or fully electric,

there's a Volvo for. for everyone. Learn more at Volvocars.ca. It's cold, Frank's Christmas, radio days, I don't wait days as a stupor, and me days as in a seven to the weeks old, this is a take not a glooper. I'll tell you what we haven't talked about. What about Harry? What about Prince Harry and Cressida? Oh, yes. Oh, it's all gone wrong. Did you like for Cressida? Well, I'll tell you why I ate for her, the statement. I don't know if it was an official statement, but apparently they're taking a breather

and one of the reasons cited was she's taking some time off to focus on her career Oh, that's not good Well, she can't focus on his I mean I know they did Jesus His head on the head of a needle But his would take a bit of spotting I must admit

That's a bit leaving to spend more time with the family, isn't it? Yeah, well I know that the very posh have feelings I'm not saying that they don't But I read a couple of, I read about this story in the Daily Mail. And I never bothered to write down a quote. But there was a couple of things and I thought, you know, these are not to be ignored. Go on. Including the bit about her focusing on her, whatever career.

Yeah. It says she recently graduated from the Leigham School of Dance and is currently working for a marketing company in Soho while deciding what to do next. How does that work? Cressida, could you do a bit of file in it? I'm deciding what to do next, thank you. Well, yeah, but we are paying...

Oh, oh, oh, are you? Look, I'm deciding. It's very hard work, actually. That can't be... You know, you can secretly decide what to do next, but you can't go to a job and say, I'd like to come and sit here while I'm deciding what to do next. I wish is just taking the money,

like she's deciding what to do next before 9 a.m. and after 5 p.m. Perhaps she clocks off and she's straight into thinking about it. No, but you're right. These people... You've forgotten how many options she's got. Deciding what to do next when we were young people didn't take long. That's like when my dad said to a posh friend of mine, he said, I'm taking a year off, and my dad said a year off, what? Oh!

Very good. Mikey? Shut up. But apparently they're still the best of friends. Are they buffalo to use one of your phrases, Frank? Exactly. No, they're not. Frank says you can't really be friends with someone,

once you've seen their gentlemen's excuse me. I don't think you can repeat that. But there is some truth in there. Can I give you another quote? No, you can. This is about Harry. I think it's fair's fair. We'll do one.

Last Tuesday, he was seen at a Mayfair club with friends. Wait for it. James Haskell, the England rugby star, stockbroker, Adam Bidwell and Viscount Early. Viscount Early. Viscount Early. His sister you may remember, a contracted worm.

That's some posse that he hangs with, isn't it? Can I say I wish I had Viscount Early on my speed dial? That's his gang. What about a stockbroker called Adam Bidwell? That's got a bit. That's his character from a short story, surely. That's a Dickens one, sure. Was Peregrin not with them?

He's always with them normally. Peregrine? Yeah. No. You know anyone called that? I bet you don't. Guy Pelly, wasn't with them?

Oh, Guy Pelly. He's getting married. He's getting married. Yeah. Peregrin's probably got an eye for the birds, don't he? Oh. Of course, when the Royals have a stag party, they actually kill some magnificent animals.

Yeah, so I know it's horrible being dumped and all that, but... Oh, stressful. But reading about it has really made me think, you know, I've forgotten now posh the wrong. family were. Really? Just have a look at that sentence.

No, but you know when people watch maid in Chelsea and say, oh God, can you believe these people? They don't say that about the royal family, but the royal family are exactly exactly that, maybe even more so. But I couldn't work out who did the dumping, because it said that she

had broken off because... Oh, he did the dumping. Yeah, and then I read that he'd broken it off because she was too needy. She's needy. No, I think he said she was knee-deep. in dead partridges. That was there last weekend away. Yeah, but that's because if I count early.

Yes. It's not the kind of nickname you want if you're playing the field. True. So, Cressida and... I wish you'd go out with Egon Rone. Then be Egg and Cress. They'd be known as. Egan Cress.

There's still alive. There's still alive. Egan Rone. No, I don't believe so. Don't think so. in because we're not live. No. Yeah. Unless you're egg and roano.

Because if Egon Rona texts in Egon. Because if Egan Rona texts in today and then he dies before Saturday, we're going to read out the Regan Rone is live and he won't be. No, we can't have that. Can I say I felt for her being called Needy? Yeah, me too. By the royal family. The people that need the most of any family in the world.

I mean, come on. That's a bit rude. That's a bit harsh, isn't it? Well, they've got their own biscuit manufacturing company in Cornwall. They've got a lot of stuff, but isn't it all supported somewhat by them needing the money of everybody else? It's fair to call them co-dependent. Yeah, I suppose you're right. Says the man in the harrow-bo pinky ring.

But yeah, I don't like that. Needy to me, if you say someone's needy, I think that's the most off-putting thing to say of someone. Well, yeah. And strangely, I am quite needy, but I don't want anyone to say it of me. No, I would never say that if you don't worry. Needy sounds like the sort of woman that says, fine, I know. Yeah, there's fine women. I know.

Yeah. I know. That reminded me of the thing that the cast started doing now on the phone. What? She goes, I call her, and she'll go, hello? Hello? Before I've had a chance to reply, as if I've done something wrong, as if she's got this thing that's something wrong with my phone.

So, hello, hello. Hello? Oh, I can feel my, I'll get all tense. Oh, just repeating it. me the... Back off! That's what I say. Oh, the things that woman tolerates.

What about Clooney? Oh, what about Clooney? He's been snapped up. Sorry, girls. Brilliant. Oh, hold on. Tom Cruise is still available, though, which is the good news. Listen, you can hear Ahab doing his midnight walk.

Oh, is it squeaking? That'd be the captain looking for the big white one. People are going to think they've tuned into a Radio 4 play now. Well, no. It's great play. It's better than that. Also, I'm finishing my sentences, was they never do on Radio 4. What about?

Susan, you mean you didn't? I'm sorry, a guy, but you never really... And then it goes quiet, and the next tier is footsteps. Yeah. Oh, I can't bear it. I like them, so if anybody wants to cast me in the number of it. Oh, I'd love to be. If you've done any radio plays, right?

But even if I was in one, I wouldn't listen to it. I was in a lovely radio play. I was in the Rotters Club. Oh, are you? On radio. I was in a Swiss banker. Okay. It was called that.

Yeah. Adam Bidwell. Is that his name? I don't know. Some of Bidwell. What was your part? I played daughter. Okay.

Is that a Swiss name? It was about a race horse. Hold on. It's about a Swiss banker. It's about a daughter. It's about a race horse. No, the horse was called. Well, I think it's a sort of the very...

The horse was called the... The horse was called the Swiss banker. Oh, well, that. Why did you deliberately mislead doing? It isn't making a fool of myself. Because you're wearing a harrow-bo ring. Okay, well, that's fair enough. But when I take it off, don't let that happen again.

Okay. Of course, when I take it off, I'll suddenly become visible again. That will shock you all. I believe we're still in the corner. The corner of emails, the email corner here. Yes. Good. Greetings one and greetings all.

This one begins. Oh, lovely Bob Cratchett. Nice start. Frank, last week you were urging inventors to get into their sheds and invent a shoelace-tying device. Small fry. Hold it. Before you go, can I say, it was a sort of a shoelace-tying assist device. So the idea was it was an extending heel on the shoe, so you didn't have to find any way to put your foot.

I was so attractive that sounded. What? Ascending heel on the shoe. Just for the moment of tying the thing, and then it goes back in, it retracts. Although this person has pointed out. Horrible slayed boot. the foolishness of that in a way like if you're going to go through that trouble

to just have a little balance why not just invent something that actually helps you tie them and you don't even have to stoop over at all because I want to tie them you know why I want to tie them why it took me about two years to learn to tie my shoe laces I remember at school I was the last one in our class to manage it I'm not going to throw that away that's why I don't have a digital watch

took me a similar period to learn how to tell the time that's a good point well made Anyway, they continue. Small fry, there are bigger and better things, my friend. Years ago, on Tomorrow's World, James Burke, reported on work being carried out to extract sound waves embedded in artist's canvases. Wow. This is the kind of stuff we should be pursuing. Can you imagine hearing the actual words of Da Vinci as he painted the scream? I don't know if that's a deliberate joke there, because...

Yes, he didn't. That would be Edvard Munch. It would. You used to get very hungry after marijuana. Apparently. Also, I'm not sure the screen is painted, is it? I think it's... No, I think it is.

It is painted. What do you think it's a photo? I think it's some sort of lithograph? I thought it was chalk on board, but... Oh, no, you've opened the whole kind of... Well, thinking of a sky portrait show. Viscount Ehrliches. Can you imagine hearing the actual words of Da Vinci as he painted the scream? Or Rubens saying to an odelisk, is that right?

I know what that is. Odelisk. Yes. No, no, no. The bottle more towards... me. Oh, yeah. No,

Adelisk is a, it's someone who works in a... Now, hold on. Okay. I would say harem. What would you say? Harim. I would say Harim. Okay.

I think I've got that from... Heron Scareum, that's your pot. What about Haram? No, but there is an Elvis film called Haremscarum, which involves some action in a... No, but you say albino. And you said Bross are albinos. Yeah, you're saying they aren't? Brosser albinos.

No, but interesting, now you come to mention it, Elvis's film, Hairam Scareham, when it came to England was changed to, well, what I thought was Haram holiday. Oh, he told 3am, because that's a bit short on news today. Well, I'm sorry. I won't say anything else. I about that for a show. Oh, do I love you so dearly? He continues, Frank, get yourself a big button phone, some Velcro shoes, and free up your life for the good stuff. Bobby Knight, P.S. on which paintings would you eat?

each like to eavesdrop. He sounds like a bit of a free love character. Free up your life for the good stuff. Yeah. Dr. Feel Good. Yeah. What paintings would you like to be there? I'd like...

What about Franz Howells, the Laughing Cavalier? Oh, what would the joke be? Well, yeah, one of hear that. Oh, yeah, the truth is... What's the joke? It's not actually laughing. Is he the Laughing Cavalier? He's just smiling a bit, isn't he?

He's only just about smiling. Yeah. But perhaps he'd just finished laughing. So hang on, is it that you're meant to be able to hear what's in the picture or what's happening what's going on because it soaks up the sound waves why it's being painting. Oh, well, most paintings nowadays,

surely you'd just hear the radio in the background. I bet there's... I bet Tracy M.in, who's listening to this show, I bet she channel hops, listens... Do you see? While she's there going, oh, I want that bit over there. Yeah, but Franz Howells wasn't tuned in to Amsterdam FM. I imagine that you'd hear the cavalier laughing

in a sort of slightly dot your way. Ho, ho, ho, ho. True. Ho ho, ho. Yeah. Like that. There's a big picture in Manchester Art Gallery of a Viking funeral, and if you could actually hear that happening,

it would be really crackly because it's a boat that's on fire. I don't really want to hear fire, love. And some real swearing, I imagine. I bet the Vikings put that boat out with some potty mouths, didn't they? I want to hear talk. Well, far be it to me to quote the Calvin classics, but keep away from firemen. I watched,

But, Boz is just starting to get into watching the telly now. Uh-huh. And we watched his first ever wildlife program. Oh, yeah. This week. And it was, you know, the usual thing, leopards leaping through snow and... No terror.

No. Well, there was a bit... I had to cover his eyes now and again. There was the odd crocodile attack and things. But in the main, it was just, you know, beautiful photography, the usual stuff. Do you like it, then? I have to say, I've always...

hated natural history programs, wildlife programs. That's because you watch natureist. I just sit there just tedious in the extreme. But, you know, I could see them through his eyes. And he started really laughing. He was absolutely falling about laughing. I don't mean like meerkats. I mean things like lions.

Was he? And I started to think, you know, you're right. They are hilarious. Oh, well, they're doing a bit of business, were they? They've got stuff like tails. I mean, how ridiculous is that? And the figure. The figure of the lion?

Yeah. As we've discussed on the show. It has a big head and a very small whiz. Yeah, so I've discovered them are new now. Yeah. And I'd forgotten how funny wildlife is. So... I'd love a bit of wildlife, me.

I think the animal charity should cash in on that. Lay off the tragedy. Yeah, I'd in the comedy. Go from mask to mask, that's twere. Yeah, it's a good idea. Also this week, I spent a few bomb. What did I buy? Oh, go on, then.

Hang on, let me guess. Aston Martin. No. A beanbag. Oh, is that the guess that getting up? A beanbag? I felt you had a way to go. You started with Ashton Martin.

Sleazy 1970s University Professor. I'm in a big... That's the look I'm after. That's a look. You've got, my friend. No, it's not. It's a big, like a... I mean, a double...

It takes two people easily, so it's beanbag. Does it? It's a beautiful. Am I getting confused here? Or have you told a story about buying a massive beanbag before? Have you already got one? Is this how well you're doing? You're going, I've got another massive bean bag. Well, I have, I've had bean bags in the past, but this is the first one I've purchased for a while. Oh, God, I've had a terrible deja vu. Yeah, you've got another house somewhere with loads of beanbags that you've forgotten about it.

You couldn't use those bean bags with your back. You'd have no purchase. Oh, God, no, my sacrilyac. Why? I think they're good. I think they're good. They mold around you. Yeah? What, around the sacrilyac, I find, you know, sofas and settees, they're a bit dictatorial. Yeah.

They tell you how to sit. But a beanbag, you tell the beanbag. I think the beanbag would play havoc with my wardrobe. Because the clothes I wear, it's not suitable. Yeah, it's not suitable for those. No, it's more, how can I put this? I won't, actually. I just don't think it's suitable for me to have to spring off from the floor.

Do you understand? No, but it's a great, it's one of those things where I, instinctively, since we've got the beanbag, just stick out of hand. And whoever's in the kitchen will just reach out and pick me up from the floor. And it's a lovely bonding experience. Oh, like a footballer or as there's been foul? The gas man, I have to say,

just walk straight past. Can I ask who tends to be, I bet you're mostly in the bean bag, aren't you? Mainly me. Buzz likes the beanbag. You see, it doesn't discriminate by height, because you can flatten it right down to the ground. Make sure you give it a wash, though. I don't know why they've even bothered with

sofas and chairs when as beanbags. One wonders, Frank. You can move them around the house, you can make them any shape you like. They're absolutely perfect. This message is brought to you by Beanbags limited.

And the 1970s. I'm not naming any particular beanbag. I'm just saying beanbags in general. I'm more with, it's not like I'm working for a company. I'm working for the Beanbag marketing board. I think the people who make them are all deceased now anyway. That is not true. I'm going to start having them,

certainly in, um, means you're sweet Why bother with chairs When people have been sick all the time We've taken all the time We've taken all by radio shows It'll have been of editing and tightening It's a walk-down memory lane

I know because people Find new things Quite frightening I'm gonna go. I'm