The Frank Skinner Show - Frank Skinner's Radio Days: Hotels

Episode Date: January 14, 2026

We're nearing the end of 2011 for our radio best bits. This time Frank has been filming the BBC Christmas advert and the team discuss the 36-hour rule. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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We're approaching the end of 2011 for our best bits. This time we're talking about the 36-hour rule. You know. Oh, I tell you something, I'm feeling proper Christmassy. Oh, why, Frank? Oh, I tell you why, I did the BBC One Christmas advert this week. You didn't. You're in the taste of Christmas?

It was lovely. I think this year it's, I don't know if I'm allowed to give this away, but anyway, it's consider yourself part of the family is the theme, as if we're all one big family. Do you know, that's very up your straza, Frank. I can see you. Yes, I am, because I'm, yeah, exactly. I think the idea is that we're going to share out the licence money right across the nation to help people with heating. Oh, nice, well, yeah.

But, oh, it was, I think Mrs. Brown was in it. Frank, that's one of your, that's like the meeting the Dalai Lama for some Tibetan Buddhists. meeting Mrs Brown. Yeah, I talked about some of his previous lives. I wish he was worshipped by the Buddhists. I think they missed a trick there, the Buddhists were Mrs. Brown. Yeah. But, yeah, in the advert, he sits on my lap for the duration.

I say he, I should say, she. He, she, yeah. I was just about to say. Oh, what? Yeah, I know. We got on like a, oh, man, we got on like an Irish pub on fire. It was the case of me and Mrs. Brown. We got a thing going on.

Wouldn't that be the best tabloid story ever? If there's a thing going on between me and Mrs. Brown. I'd be so happy about that. He's a superbrain, though, isn't he? Isn't he? One of those brainiacs. Oh, is he? One of those brainiacs.

Obviously, he was in character for the whole day. Oh, was he? Oh, good. He's very method, is he? I was a terribly serious actor here. Who else did you meet then? Kevin Bridges was there? I like Kevin.

I tell you me and Kevin Bridges. We both had Christmas jumpers on. I had red with Christmas pudding on it. I mean, a knitted Christmas pudding, not just Christmas pudding on it. And I think he had snowflakes. And we had to take out our picture take and eating mince pies, and we'd had the Christmas. And there was a sofa to relax on,

and we both just sat on the sofa with our legs stretched out, not speaking. That's how Christmassy we'd got. In the middle of October. It was just, oh, that lovely. Christmas, glowy. Nice. Did they give you a bit of dinner to help that?

Just mince pies, really. There's lots of sadness in the middle of January when I eat the final mince pie that's left, because I always overbuy mince pies. No, yeah. You can't over buy mince pies. They sell them all year, though, don't they? That's the weird thing.

Yeah, I think so. Well, they sell turkey all year, apparently. Oh, yeah. They sell presents all year as well. To the presents. Yeah. Really? That's amazing.

Is that a hint? Is it Emily's birthday coming up? I've never owned a Christmas. I don't buy her Christmas clothing. No. I don't have wardrobe space for something you can only wait once a year. You know what I'm talking about? I don't buy Christmas clothing.

Like you'd have an entirely separate section of your wardrobe. I have a separate bank account for Christmas clothing. Sox jumpers. I thought you had a separate bank account for Christmas. I was thinking very conscientious savour. He's putting something aside for the Christmas presents. No, I don't buy Christmas presents, so it's quite straightforward. Really?

No, I'd tell you what, no, I had some Christmas socks that someone bought me, and I remember, like, realizing about December the 30th, I hadn't worn them that year, I was absolutely good, you really don't want to miss that window. No, because it's once a year. Yeah. So after that, I had to get rid of them. They were burning a hole in my sock drawer, and I ate it when that happens. Oh, and I was with it.

So it was me, Kevin Bridges, Mrs Brown, and the kids from our numbered, as they're known. Oh, they're quite nice children. They are nice children, yeah. At the end of it, they stood in an orderly line, and then they shook hands with each of us and said, thank you, it was very nice working with you. Thank you. It's very nice working with you. Lovely.

Yeah? That is nice. And I watched him go across the car park, and they got into a small spaceship. We've taken. I can know where radio shows and don't have been of editing and tidying It's a walk-down memory lane

I know because people find new things quite frightening I understand her agony though Because I'm on tour currently And I've been staying in quite a few hotels Are you really? I've been staying in quite a few hotels Oh I think they might be Yeah

But I've been staying in hotels And some of them are quite frustrating I find it a bit annoying when the layout is wrong and when there's ambient light I get annoyed by ambient light You like ambient light? I don't like ambient light And I was in one where, you know,

there's a light inside the coverage. I love ambient light. I don't like light full stop in a hotel room I like to put my head between two pillows in the pillow sandwich as I've discussed before. I'll go anywhere for ambient light I'd say I'm an ambience chaser Oh, very good

But I was in one the other day and you know there's a light within the cupboard and when you shut the doors the wardrobe light goes back off Do you know that for certain? The wardrobe light wouldn't go back off So the doors were glowing There was a glow in the middle Oh I've had that

It was only like four feet from a bit So I got up and took the bulb out I had to take the ball out I never do any DIY in my own home No but that's quite bold I've stayed in a place for 12 hours And I took the ball back in before I left I wouldn't be able to leave it there

I didn't. What if they're clean, a lean, honey? Well, whatever. I stayed at a hotel. Actually, it wasn't actually a hotel. It was, remember I said a few weeks ago, I think, that the first date I had with my girlfriend was actually a holiday. Oh, yeah.

I just said, do you want to go on holiday? Well, we hired this place, this sort of country cottage place, in the Lake District. And when we got there, in what I would call the master bedroom, if you can still say that. Oh, no, you can. Oh, yeah. Shouldn't it be the mysterious bedroom as well?

The mystery's bedroom is a bit somewhere else, isn't it? Depends who you are, darling. It depends what sort of holiday it was. Yeah, exactly. No, anyway, there was, the bed was there, and in the middle, in the middle of the room was the toilet. Oh. I mean, in the middle, they must have moved,

they must have knocked one into the other. In the middle of the room, and what they'd done is they'd put a Japanese lacquered screen around it, as if that would make it all. all right. Yeah. Yeah. This is exactly the problem. Now, obviously, we weren't sleeping in the same room, so it wasn't a problem. What? No, it was, you know, it was our first date, bear in mind. Oh, I see. So... I still don't understand. Anyway. Oh, and then we went, we went to Mexico once, me and my girlfriend, and I got sick on the

plane. I mean, really sick. I wasn't actually sick on my own, but I knew I was going to be sick. One of those, the car to the hotel, I'm really gripping the armrests. One of those. And I still stopped, I remember at reception to have an argument about the price of the room, even though I knew I could be sick at any moment. I won't tolerate that. But we got into the room and they had like really loud and like house music, real thumping.

And I was being really being sick. and I was going, turn a music off. The music was making me feel worse. And Kath couldn't find the way of turning the music off. And she found something, it made it louder. Oh, man. It was one of those occasions when things literally went a bit peat-tong. Oh, it still makes me feel terrible just thinking about it.

I'm glad you mentioned that toilet, because that was another problem that I had. only this week, it's when they go trendy. The layout of the hotel room I was in had a toilet in a separate room from the bath and shower and sink. Well, it is all right, but it was miles away. Not miles, obviously, it wasn't a suite or anything, but it was, I counted. It was eight steps. So you go to use the bathroom.

You got to use the toilet. I'm glad you counted. Two corners, two corners. I mean, I'm not a hygiene freak, but whilst I was walking, there was long enough time to feel germy before you even get to another room to wash your hands. It's too far away. Yeah, and the other thing is, I find that those hotel slippers are not very good for cornering. No.

You know what I mean? You can't get purchased, Frank. That adds another half a second. I don't know if they're radials, they got on them, but you could go over. You could go straight over on a tight corner. Imagine that. You get blood on your robe. And it adds an ironing board in the toilet

Why is it in there? In the toilet Why is it ironing board? Well I don't know But if you've ever dropped toilet paper down the toilet And it goes horribly crinkly It'd be quite nice

Ironing board in the toilet I was at Disney Lamparis once And they had in the child's bedroom They had a Mickey Mouse ashtray Which I thought was very French I swear that's true Don't let's put an idea That's Euro Disney

that was that. Disneyland Paris, yeah. Yeah, that's put an idea in my head, daddy, ironing books. Could there be any more pleasant sensation than using freshly ironed toilet? Oh, yeah. Still warm. Well, that would be nice.

Oh, actually, I might get a, perhaps a small microwave in the toilet. Oh, lovely. Oh, cozy. Well, you wouldn't want to let it go. There's been a rather hideous revelation this week. It's called the 36-hour rule. and this refers to Is that how long you can leave butter on a t-shirt?

No. Okay. It's to do with, it's the length of time that you basically have to hear from a guy now. It used to be called a three-day rule. You two might be familiar with this as old players. Oh, after first day. Exactly.

Old players. I like the fact that I've somehow ended up in the bend diagram bit of old players. Is it the man that has to call? Yeah. Oh, that was... Yes. When I think of the opportunities I've probably missed then, waiting. The man absolutely has to call.

My role was always if... I mean, it was much less than that. It was like 40 minutes. If I didn't have a call from the woman after 40 minutes. If they called later than that, I'd always begin. Who is this? No, I never had the courage to be the one who called, I think. But also 36 hours.

That's so harsh. I mean, three days was bad enough. Three days of pacing up and down like a lunatic. Yes, nightmare. But now, if he doesn't call you with him, that's one and a half days, that's it. Isn't that better in a way? No, because... No, because I like those three days of kidding myself.

You want three days of deluding yourself, thinking he's had a terrible accident, and there's a paramedic leaning over him. It's so anxious, isn't it? It's awful. Absolutely. I tell you what I get as well is if you go around someone's house or see someone and have a nice time, And then you say, it's been great to see you, you know, lovely, take care, I see you soon and blah, blah, then you say goodbye, and a bit of a hog, and you go.

And you're in the car on the way back, and the text goes, and it's the same person saying, great seeing you tonight. Have a lovely time. I thought, well, we said that. He said that at the end. Why have you text me? And I really don't, there's something going on there, I think. I think it's all about getting something in writing in case I'm killed that night. It's establishing that I've left their house and on good terms.

Why else do it? We've had the conversation. It's the alibi text, isn't it? Yes, I always text back. You've got a nerve saying that after you've just threatened to kill me. Thought of my edge. Yeah, 36 hours is a weird amount of time. I don't know who's drawn that up.

I mean, what is it that people are doing? Well, no, it's to do with technology, Alan, isn't it now? Because it used to be three days. for the postman to arrive. Whereas now with texting, you can't really fool yourself anymore. That's the trouble. So is there a point like after 36 hours

where someone, if they haven't updated their Facebook status saying in a relationship, then they're in trouble? Is that what happens? I don't know. I don't do any of these things. I'd be worried if after a first date, someone went to in a relationship, wouldn't you? That's like, shall we get a dog together? No, I think you can. That's like basically waking up the next.

morning looking into a copy of Brides magazine. Yeah. No, I think, I'm surprised it's that long, to be honest. I think that's a hell of, yeah. Really, fine. I thought it would, five minutes these days. After first day, I would, honestly, that would be, as far as I asked, if I didn't hear in 36 hours, if I didn't hear it in the next day, it's gone.

I'm almost surprised that it isn't the taxi text, the taxi text that you were just talking about. That was great, let's do it again on following Friday or whatever. That's just lecturers drunkards. The taxi text. Yeah. I think I used to... I'm happy to be off that.

Was that part of your game? That was part of my plan, yeah. I think I used to end... Well, that's the thing. That's the advice I'd give to any woman. It's the bloke who only texts you when he's drunk. Is that not good then? Maybe there's no future in that.

Okay. So Frank, would you say in general any texts after 10.30, 11 o'clock as well? Well, I used to end the first date by saying, so shall we meet again? Oh, that's lovely, Frank. Nice. Lead with your chair. It wasn't always lovely. Sometimes it was like, you know, those proposals,

you sometimes see on the internet, like televised proposals where the woman says, can we talk about this? Well, sometimes it was a bit like ourselves. Shall we meet again? You know, that's terrible. Yeah. I can see why people want to put it off.

You see, you two don't strike me as game players, I have to say. No. I can't remember. It's been so long. I don't think texting existed. I think it was all done by landline at best. The last time I was playing the field, as it were.

Me too. Moi Ossie. That looked very nice. I believe. Hi, me. Lecoqsportif, ladies and gentlemen. When it comes to French, I'm now out. Okay.

So, but basically, guys, your... But basically? Well, your advice to me, I'm slightly stunned by your last... If you don't hear her in 24 hours, forget about it. 24, yeah? 24, yeah? Never ask, never ask, I believe that. Oh, okay.

Okay. How do you know there hasn't been more than one? I've got the death stare again. Oh, God. Don't often get the death stare. It's gone very cold. I might have to put another couple of layers on. You didn't comment this morning on my hat.

No, I loved your hat. Did you? You looked like the old Chelsea girl logo. Oh, fine. You look so 60s. I'm in early 60s. How dare you. I thought you looked really like a 60s Chelsea swinging girl.

Swinging? No, well, I am quite on trend at the moment because the hats are very big now. Hats are very big. Very big. My hats are very big. That's because I've got the biggest head in British comedy I've been told. Can you tell me? What are you rooting around for in there?

I bought a hat with me. Oh, did you? Yeah. It's all right. Keep going. Okay. Well, I'll give you some stats, Frank. What are you doing?

You're wrapping Christmas presents? No, I'm looking for my hat. Sales of flat. They love this, the listeners. They love a bit of on-air, chaos. Frank. Yes. This is crazy.

Oh, there we go. Oh, is he got a hat? Let's have a look. Oh, Frank. That's nice. I've gone for the flat cap. David Badeel said that whenever I put on a flat cap, I look like the most working-class person in Britain.

Do you agree? I like it. Sometimes you say it best when you say nothing at all. Yes, exactly. We should tell the listeners, Frank has got, it's your classic flat cap, isn't it? Your handicap. What, would we call that a tartany?

That's a Harris Tweed. It's a Harris Tweed. It's a Harris Tweed. And Frank looks... I've rather... I feel such tremendous. tremendous affection for him at this moment. I look in the mirror, I see Will Tappers and Shontas Club.

And is it new? Is it a new hat? No, no. I've had the... The thing is, you see, I've got a very big head. And so none of my... I can't really wear hats. I'd love to be able to wear hats. I think that works. Yeah, but it still feels a bit... It's easier. You see, I'll have a red line around my head.

Oh, right. When I take this off and you see the red line, it looks like a lid. Oh, now... Everyone about me, he's got a hat off. You haven't got a hat. I have. I've got a beanie in the bag. I'll get my beanie out if you want.

Beanie in the bag. Yeah, get your beanie out. Not you, eh? No, I've got my red line now on my head. You see that? It's sort of separate. I look like a novelty Frankskin and a biscuit barrel. I think you look really sweeten.

See, I worried a bit about my hat because I thought I looked a bit like a singing teacher. But that's not a bad thing. Isn't it? Oh, that's good. You're a theatrical sort of person, aren't you? Quite dramatic. Well, yes.

I think that's fair. But apparently, because now hats are really trendy, so sales of flat caps have gone up 75%, Frank. That's quite a big stat. I read that, but I can't help but think that is a newspaper being behind the curve. Because I think people have been wearing flat caps for the last five or six years, haven't they? Surely that's my... No, it's very strong.

ACDC. All the caps. Well, it's like a cap exhibition, ACDC. Yeah. And I think it's also a generation thing. I think men of my age, I'm 36, and I think there's a point where you think I'm past the baseball cap now. I can't be wearing a baseball cap anymore. And that's why the flat cap is...

Normally when you're about nine, I think. Do you think? Yes. I think the baseball, the flat cap, though, is worn. There's a lot of celebrities now wearing the flat cap. And I think it's, I don't want to be recognised, flat cap, which is why I'm not wearing mine. Chris Evans wears one. Because you do want to be recognised.

I do want to be recognised. Then some. You love it. Do you think I've worked for all these years and then not be recognised? Who wants to not be recognised unless they're up to something? Chris Evans wears one, Frank.

My case... In a nutshell. Is it now, then? Notchell, really looks a bit like a squirrel in one. There's a nice beer called flat cap now. There's a what? There's a beer called flat cap. There is.

I don't want to buy a beer that's got the word flat in it. No, I suppose it's not. But it's an ale, so it's not fizzy anyway. But I was amused when I got given a pint of flat cap And I said, oh, it's gone straight to my head Yeah, I was very pleased myself, very pleased myself That was absolutely tremendous I was really pleased

So I had a bit of a turnaround this week I was actually a guest on absolute radio Rather than the mine host role Wow In fact, I sat in your very chair, Alan This room Yeah, and I'd been doing the interview for about three minutes before I

realised I was in the studio we're normally in. Which is it was quite early in the morning. But also I, yeah, sitting there very different. You can see all the world outside and everything. Yeah. See, I sit with my back to the street I might tell everyone in it sort of

like while Bill Hickok did when he was shot dead. Oh. I remember he sat with his back to the swinging doors in the saloon and someone came in and yeah. Luckily the card hand he was holding was a losing hand.

Now known as a dead man's hand, actually. I can't remember what the actual cards were. Anyway, a little bit of Will Bill Hickok. Fact file. So this was on the O.C. show that you're on. Yes, Christian O'Connell's show. And I always do, if ever I do a radio show in the morning interview, I always like to listen to the show on the way in

because then you feel you can bat reference. Good tip for budding radio guests. Yeah, it is, yeah, always listen to the show on the way in. And obviously we used to have guests on this show, but I got fed up of it. You think he's joking? Yeah, we stop doing that. Yeah, it was like being at a fond teenage party

and suddenly your parents came home early. Of course, there have been exceptions. We've had some guests that were so funny, they became regular presenters naming no names. Oh. But on the way in, I had this, I was in a cab, and I said to the guy, could you put Absolute Radio on?

I said, I'm doing a radio show on Absolute. I'm about to be interviewed on Absolute Radio, so I'd like to sort of get into what they're talking about. He said, what radio? I said, oh, no, that's already a blow to the ego. I said, absolute radio, and he said, hold on a minute, and he started flicking. He said, what, he said, what frequency?

easy? Do you know? Exactly. I've no idea what frequency is. You just press the button. So, like I ever listened to anything else, so I need to know what frequency is. Anyway, he was driving with, steering with one hand, and his other hand was frantically going at the radio, and I started to think, we're going to perish here.

Eventually, this bloke said, I said, the thing is, I'd really be good if you could find it, because I'm going to be on it in a minute. And he said, will harp do? Well, how could it? That's going to help me in what way? Give me a general commercial radio feel. Pathetic.

Well, Frank, I know that you were on the OC this week. Do you know how I know that? I know that got it. He's only wearing a singlet. Do you know how I know that? Do you know he does the show in just a singlet? He doesn't. Does it?

Yeah. Quite long, quite long to be fair. Oh, like a nighty version of it. Really length. Oh, nice. Because I had the most horrific moment, and it concerned you in the O.C. Oh, okay.

I woke up about 7.15. I'm no, I'm no libead. What day was I on? Thursday. Must have been a Thursday. That's right, yeah. And I did that thing where my alarm went off on my phone, and I was half asleep, and I went to turn it off, and then my Twitter, you know, I'm a fan of Twitter.

Oh, yes. So a tweet came up. The most recent tweet I had came up. I'm going to cough. It's a real professional, but I'm going to cough. Keep talking. Okay. And the tweet that I got,

Oh, it's terrible Victorian asylum. That's spittoons coming handy, actually. He's not got long, doctor. So, yeah, so a tweet came up, which said, Frank Skinner will be live on Absolute from 8am. And I was half asleep. Oh, my, I nearly ended my life. I felt absolutely sick.

I went, oh. He thought it was Saturday morning? Yes, I did. Oh. I staggered, I put my robe on, I staggered into the bathroom, I was like hyperventilating, I thought, oh, what am I going to do? Was your mind running through all the sort of possible excuses? What am I going to do? I'm going to need a cab, what am I going to wear?

Can I go in just in a robe? If the O.C can wear a singlet, surely I can go in in this. You could have turned up in your PJs. Well, it felt like about two hours. It's probably only about 20 seconds, but it felt like about two hours. It was so horrific. So many women have said that to me. Well, that's...

It gets the blood flowing, though, something like our first thing in the morning. I felt very relieved when I realised it was the O.C. It's a great wake-up call. It's like losing a wallet and then realizing, oh, I don't have to cancel all those cards. It's actually in my jacket pocket. Well, that's great. Finding the wallet you thought you'd lost is one of the best things ever. It's almost worth the loss, isn't it?

Oh, it's worth that 20 seconds of, oh, no, I'd definitely add it in this pocket, and then find... Oh, it's beautiful. Yeah. I sometimes I stage it. do you? Just for myself. I'm able to just blank now out, blank out the staging element.

Just for the thrill of, oh no, I've got it. Oh, God, I've got it. Thank God. Yeah, if you can willingly suspend your disbelief for theory, then you can for your own... You can for a staged wallet loss. Why not? What else happened around at the O.C.?

Well, I mean, the one odd thing that happened is I... First of all, when I arrived at Absolute, I thought, is it all right to use my dibber to get in because I'm a guest rather than a host. I feel like some sort of burglar. Anyway, I got in, I sat in reception, which I don't normally do, and a great amount of fruit arrived. I mean, about nine crates of fruit.

Wow. And I thought, is there an absolute elephant that's kept? The weekday is. Yeah. I'll take a home weekend. The OC likes an Ambongo smoothie. Is that right? Well, I asked someone, I said, is there some, you know, it's there a circus in town?

And he said, one of the great things about working absolute is they're getting a lot of fruit for the staff. No. Did you know that? No. It's not none left at the weekends. But what a fabulous policy. There's not. I written there's a deal with a local market, you know.

Oh, yeah. Don't throw it away. Anyway, so yeah, I was very. it, abs a fruit radio, I call it. I say, absa fruit radio. Oh, yeah? Yeah. The O vitamin C.

Oh, come on. Sorry, I'm dragging away. Anyway, so... So you enjoyed your time with him? I did. I, although, he did that thing that he always does to me at the O.C. He brought up the letter. The letter?

Oh, I know about all... I know about that. Don't you know about the letter? What happened was he... When he was an aspiring stand-up comedian, he sent me a letter asking for advice and help. Oh, did he? To which I never replied.

Oh. And... He hasn't moved on. No, he hasn't moved on. I always say, I'm sure, you know, I use it. Perhaps it didn't turn up. He's still, he's still beating away at him. Right.

He's still, all right. Every time, and I feel bad about it. Just write back to him and blame a postal strike. That's a good idea. If I can get back into an early 90s mode. If I can develop a youthful... vigour to my handwriting again. Rob Bryden did the same thing to me.

He got me on his show and then said to me, because you're a nice bloke nowadays. I said, what do you mean? So, well, I spoke to you in a green room like 22 years ago and you more or less ignored me. Blimey. Oh, dear. Yeah, it's no need for it, is it? You know what they say? Be nice to people on the way up

because you might meet them at Sky. So, great news. Apparently, reach is flat. What? Yeah. Reach is flat. I mean, I was, oh, was I relieved to hear that. That sounds like Beach is Brooke.

What is Rich is flat? When I arrived at Absolutely the other day, I saw one of the bosses here. And he said it's the radio yesterday. Oh. Which is when they announced the various ratings on radio. It's a big deal in radio. We haven't heard anything. I said, any news?

Well, exactly. I thought, is anyone listening to us, yeah? He said, don't reach is flat. I said, oh no. Reach is flat. I said that's... How did that happen? He said, no, no, it's good news.

I said, oh, brilliant. So, yeah, it means... Flat is never good news in my book. Well, exactly. I have to say, I've never seen the producer more amused by a conversation. It's a very radio joke. She likes an in-radio joke.

Apparently reach is how many people you reach. And if it's flat, it means it's neither gone up or down, so it's stabilised. Oh, like it's flat-lined. That doesn't sound good. No, not flat-lined. Flat as in, it's stabilised. Surely Reaches Up is better than Reaches Flat.

Well, yeah, but we didn't get Reaches-up. We only got Reaches Flat. Rome wasn't built in a day. Nor was it flattened. As it could have been flattened in a day. It's not flattened. It's still building, still standing. I've seen them.

I need to talk to you both. Don't worry. It's nothing that bad, but I have had one of my unfortunate incidents. Oh, okay. Can we get a cloth? Yes. I was at my sister's house and a friend of hers was there. Now, I've known this girl, I'd say eight to ten year stretch, at least.

I don't know her well, but, you know, she pops in and out of my life occasionally. What's the context? Is she a neighbour of your sister or something of that nature? I think it's child-based friendship. When you have children, you get friendly with people because they've got children. Baby friends. Not because you have similar interests. Absolutely nothing else in common except babies. Baby friends.

They talk about nappies a lot. Do they? So, um, anyway, so this... What happened to the whole fashion napies that used to wash? Oh, with the safety pins? Yeah. Yeah.

They got dirty. It's sort of punk feel to them. It's all gone now. Teddy bears at the front, I mean, who cares about where the teddy bears are? And don't leave them in the gutter. That's not right. Carry on.

So I'm talking to this individual. You can tell I do. I've gone off her. Because I'm a frost in us there. There's a foie deux. A what? A foie deau. There is.

Poitier. The snow. man, was very, that you go. She's talking. She says, oh, well,

yeah, it's been a nightmare trying to sort out child care. Sorry, sorry, I forgot on your name. What?

I said, it's the same it's been for the last 10 years. You didn't say that, did? I did. Oh, good on you. It got ugly.

It got very ugly, yeah. But I did think, Frank, so I couldn't look at her in the same way again after that. I'm sorry.

Why look at her at her at all? After that, yeah, get my name. Why do people get so totty about their name? I really too.

Oh, well, I got touchy this week in Hull. You got touchy in Hull. I did the whole comedy festival. They've got a backdrop with all the comedian's names on it, and mine is spelled Alan Contrain. C-O-N. It's not even a misspelling that happens. Like, I could understand A-I-N-E, but C-O-N.

Nobody's called Contrain in the history of the world. Did they get Alan with a U? Did they get that bit right? They got that bit right, the difficult part. Oh, that's the tricky bit. But, you know, they could have Googled me. So they got over Alan with the EU, they got complacent. Yeah.

That's what happened. Infuriated. It's just a horrible feeling. When someone forgets your name, it makes me feel very inconsequential and overlooked. I don't like that feeling. I agree, Sarah. Sorry, Emily. My problem is, when I first meet someone, I'd say I tune in about 25 seconds into what they're telling me.

They're like our listeners. It's a bit, well, that's it. You see, this is my point, is what it needs is a kind of a DJO. opening, you know, coming up, my name and what I do for a living. And then I'd be ready for it. But they say, oh, I'm something. And I've, oh, yeah, okay. Then I think, I didn't hear any of that. I was concentrating on that handshake and what you look like. And now, you know, Bob Monkhouse once said to me, don't do anything funny at the beginning of your act, because the audience like to spend the first couple of minutes just looking at your suit.

It's a great piece of advice. Oh, yes, I've worked with them all It's worked with them all It's called Franks, radio days I don't mean days As a stupor A me days As in a seven for the weeks

Oh, this is A take not a blooper Thank you.