The Frank Skinner Show - Frank Skinner's Radio Days: Poncho

Episode Date: July 16, 2025

In this episode of Frank Skinner's Radio Days there’s the time Frank’s family met his Radio family, Gareth is down the line from the Edinburgh Fringe and Lee Mack is our guest. Enjoy being transported back to 2009! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Life's the trip. Make the most of it at Best Western. Book, direct and save at bestwestern.com. Hello and welcome to Frank Skinner's Radio Days. We're still in 2009 and this week, well, everything goes wrong. You know when you hear those radio shows and you think is anyone actually running the station it's one of those so enjoy our distress and embarrassment and I hope you like it We've taken over radio shows and done a bit of editing and typing. It's a walk down memory lane I know, cause people find new things quite frightening. Someone has texted in to say, who was the bloke in the bow tie next to your edge baston?

They haven't said their name. That's a very good question. Who was it? I should point out the reason they asked me that is because apparently I was on, I went to the test yesterday and I was on telly. You know they have a shot of like celebrities in the crowd. I had about seven texts saying you've just been on telly. It shows how long since I've last been on telly. People text me about a three-second shot during the cricket coverage. Nevertheless I was sitting next

to a bloke yeah with a bow tie. So I spoke to him for quite a while, no idea though who he was. The bow tie meant, obviously, he was somebody who might have developed the atom bomb. Because it seems to be those kind of scientific ties. Or the late Frank Muir, I always say. I don't think it was the late Frank Muir. They're very fashion now, their bow ties. The new Doctor Who's wears bow ties, doesn't he? Yeah, but it's not right.

It wasn't him. I don't think it was him, though, bow ties. The new Doctor Who's wears bow ties, doesn't he? Yeah, but it's not right. It wasn't him. I don't think it was him, unless he, unless, you know. Did he have an assistant? No. It wasn't him. He didn't have an assistant. He had a small metal dog with him, looking back. Maybe, just maybe.

Someone else has tweeted to say someone called Stimson Corner. I don't know if that's their real name but that's their Twitter name. I like the fact they call Stimson Corner. Are they a character from an Oscar Wilde short story? So Boothby Stimson Corner has arrived. Oh how tiresome. Anyway. And I believe this is in a sort of Brummie accent. I can't do it. So I'm gonna give you this is how I would read it Airbnb our Air kid loves y'all Loves y'all show he says it's Boston Love Liz of Langley now uncle Ben

I liked it How should he should say a should say, I've been your kid love Joe shall we says it's Boston, lovely's a Langley near Uncle Ben's Bridge. It's a complimentary. Oh is that good? There's something called Uncle Ben's Bridge. Uncle Ben's Bridge is where I had underneath that I had my first ever Under the Bra experience. Yes I know I've said Bra on Absolute Radio. I feel the David Cameron has set a dangerous precedent. Under the bra under a bridge, was it with a troll? I'm not prepared

to answer that. We were in Birmingham last week. Oh, I love Birmingham. Oh, yeah, God, we were on air and everything. Yeah, in case any of you are not regular listeners to the show, how come? I went down to Birmingham to be inducted, that's what happened. I was being inducted on the Birmingham Walk of Stars. So we turned up and the whole radio family came down as well and my real family and my radio family met. The two worlds collided. Yeah, in a terrible, drunken, ponytail based explosion. That's exactly what I was like. My brother's got

a ponytail which, I don't know, I've never really took him to one side and spoke to him. I've never took his ponytail to one side either. Oh, I loved your family. Oh, I loved my family. I loved Arnora, your sister, she was brilliant. Yes. I like seeing you on your own manor though. It was like seeing Alan Sugar when he's at home in his casual slacks and his chunky knit cardigan. Does he do that Alan Sugar? Yeah sometimes on The Apprentice you see him in under their manor and you looked quite sort of sweet and vulnerable I thought. I imagine he smokes one of those bubbly pipes that you get in the middle of the lace and blah blah blah blah. You're fired! And perhaps when the tobacco, whatever's in there, starts to take effect, he'd start not taking the

pipe out of his mouth and going, whoa, fired! And they're all going, oh god, it's like one of the aquafibians from Stingray, Sir Alan. Oh, you'll be bled out! Yeah, I hate it when he does that. He doesn't do that that often. No, it was a splendid day and they give you a star to keep as well. So have you got it at home now then? Yeah, they gave me Ronnie Corbett. He's in the fridge. Because he looked like he was on the verge of going off. I mean, I drove home like a madman. Because he was on the turn, I knew that.

No, they give you like a proper marble replica of what will be the paving stone. Where can I go and see it then on Broad Street? Is it near Noddy Holders? Because I saw his. No, they try and put them in themed places. They're not all together in a lump. So Noddy Holders is outside a 70s themed disco called Flares, which obviously seems to fit. And I asked, they said said where would I like to be

and there's a, I said outside the Westwood Ho. Right. Do you know the Westwood Ho? I'm assuming it's a bar. Well it's not a woman if that's what you're wondering. No, no, it's a pub. I used to go to a punk club in Birmingham called Barbarella's and before I went to the punk club I used to go into this pub called the Westwood House so I thought it'd be nice. Oh that's sweet. As I'd often been flat on the pavement outside the Westwood House it's nice that I would be there eternally. Very fitting.

Yeah so that's where I'm going to be but it was, it was a splendid day out and an honour because I thought I'd be all ironic and giggly about it, you know, and it wouldn't matter. But in fact, you know, my family were so pleased and proud. They were so pleased. And the mayor, I got to see the mayor with his shirt. The Lord Mayor, go steady. And there was a Lady Mayoress who was wearing lilac and had a patent clutch bag. I liked her. She was nice, the Lady Mayoress. She looked a bit like Princess Margaret.

She told me that sometimes, in their intimate moments, she... She didn't really say any of this she did she said in our intimate moments i sometimes look to one side and say oh i'm having a mare she did say that and i said lord mare and she said oh well that kind of kills the line so i've had to drop the lord element i said well the joke works but i'm not happy with your um disrespect for officialdom at which point she went off in the opposite direction, her handbag wafting behind her like some terrible purple rodder.

But he was nice, the mayor, with his heavy chain. I didn't get to feel his chain. No. So I didn't mean that to sound negative. No, I tell you something about his chain. I examined his chain. And the actual big thing on the end, with the Birmingham City crest on it

opens up and it opens up into a like a gold a golden scroll thing and And when I looked at it, it's got a list of all the mayor's Lord mayor's has ever been at Birmingham So that's that's quite a nice thing, yeah. And he's not on it yet, you don't go on it until you hand it over. Which seems a pity, really, because it'd be nice to have your name on it while you're actually wearing it. Then if you got very, very drunk, or if you were to think of someone, one thing, if you're the Lord Mayor, you never have to say, do you know why I'm outside a club? Because you're wearing a three-cornered hat and a chain.

I'm hoping, Em, I could be wrong, but I'm hoping that we have Gareth Richards live on the line from Edinburgh. Are you there Gareth? Saturday morning! People don't know now whether you're there or whether I've pressed the jingle. It is you isn't it? Saturday morning! Oh see, is this going to do that now? No it's not. Yeah it's me, hello, how you doing? Hi Gareth!

You sound a little quiet to me but maybe you're alright aren't you? We really miss you Gareth. Yeah, me too. It sounds like it's going ever so well there. Oh it's going fabulously. I suppose you're sitting there gloating, are you? I've actually sweated blood. Really, like the Garden of Gethsemane. My headphones are soaked

in my own plasma. What about that? Well that's a lovely image. Good. So how long have you been up in Edinburgh now? I came up on Monday so I've been up since then and yeah it's going, it's good. And you're doing, you're doing the Comedy Zone is that right? Yeah I'm doing the Comedy Zone, which is, so we've had three of them so far. We should explain what that is, it's a sort of showcase for hot new comics isn't it? Yeah there's four of us who do it, a compair and three acts, it's a great night out, 10.45, Pleasant's Courtyard.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, alright, I mean for God yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Decommissioned three years earlier. I'm not saying they ever did that. They never did that Ant and Dec, obviously they're great guys. Formerly conjoined twins apparently and a successful operation. I never knew that, I read that the other day. And that's Frank's manager who's called you on laughing at the idea of someone having professional problems.

Yes, so how's the show's been going Gareth? Yeah really good. It was a slow start but I'm getting there yeah I'm having a lot of fun. It's good and I've got another show starting today in my other show. Are you doing two shows? I never knew that. Yeah yeah. You don't tell me anything. Well you don't ask. Obviously I don't ask. So what's Gareth? So maybe you'd like to give us the box office number for the old show. It's called Packer Richards and it's on at 10 to 5 at the Cairns Gate. What is the nature of this old show? It's me and a guy called Henry Packer and we're just mucking about really.

Just mucking about and people have to pay for that? No, it's free. Oh, well that's fair to pay for that? No it's free. Oh well that's fair enough then. They get their money's worth. It's a free... do people know you're in the hall? Are you squatters? No it's part of the free fringe. Oh that's it, so you have a bit of a whip round afterwards. Yeah we take a collection. Can I ask Gareth a question that's not related to one of his shows for a second? What's the weather like? Because I want to know what clothes to bring. What shall I wear? Well actually it's been lovely so far, but you have to be very careful with Edinburgh

because it gets very very rainy and when it starts raining it doesn't stop for weeks. So I've had a plan about this. What? Right, my plan is to get a poncho. What? I'm liking the sound of that. That's a terrible idea. An army poncho. Like army men. An army poncho? Oh I had an image of you as the man with no name. Let me just move to the mid-light. Just for one second girl. I'm just going to move to the mid-light of The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. Ding ding ding ding ding! Oh! Oh!

Okay, that's better. Yeah, Laura wasn't sure about getting a poncho. I don't know. Laura is Garrett's wife. What was your advice? Well, it's funny, I had a bit of a poncho incident once in Edinburgh. This is a fabulous link. I went into a shop, it was absolutely throwing it

down with rain, and I went into a shop and I thought I'm going to get one of these plastic ponchos that they were selling. Quite cheap, but I'm not on about a military one, this was like a, just a plasticky thing, like you might see worn at Wimbledon in time, before the roof. Steve And amateur poncho. Paul Yeah, exactly. And two women came in, two middle-aged women, and they said, oh, Frank, we're from West Bromwich. And I said, oh, I said, do you want a poncho each? They were like, they were probably two quid. And so I bought them both a poncho.

And I think it's the closest I've ever felt to how Elvis must have felt when he bought Cadillacs for complete strangers. What you should have done is you should have just got a big tarpaulin and put it over the whole of Edinburgh for everyone. That would have been lovely. You know when I was a kid there were vehicles that never ever peaked out from beneath their tarpaulins in our street. Every house had a motorbike and sidecar covered in tarpaulin that had never moved, ever. It had organically become part of the garden. I don't, I mean, this is no time to wander down memory lane, I understand.

I don't think you guys should wear ponchos though, I think they'd look a bit post-operative on you two, no offence. I mean someone like Noel Fielding could get away with it but... Oh yeah, but he's going to be wearing a black crush velvet one with studs and... Top hats. Yeah, I've got no time for that. We're gonna have some adverts, but then we're gonna come back to you, Gareth, so don't go anywhere. France comes with your bass, France comes with your bass.

France comes with your bass, the yeas are with the lace. We've had a couple of Texans... Couple of Texans? Yeah. What, bragging about stuff, were they? Yeah, wearing big old hats. Yeah. Laurie from Bracknell says, Dear Frank, I've tried to ignore it since the first show but it feels strange that when you introduce the show you do not say the surnames of your co-hosts. Not that I really want to know them, but it is something about their first names. They

are not those you can leave hanging like Brian or Rich. Just once would be enough, I think. Right. Okay. Oh, and who's that? That's Laurie from Bracknell. And Laurie's surname is what? Doesn't give a surname.

Well, my point exactly. Next text. Well, there's someone a bit... There's a Laurie from Bracknell. It's not for me. I think you put it round the back... what is it? Timber? Take it round the back! Round the back!

Sorry, you want... Me and Emily don't have surn... oh, sorry. I'm just going to sign this chitty. I'll be with you in a minute. Sorry, you don't have surnames? No, we were raised in a lab. Oh, is that right? Someone else has texted him. And this person is Cross with Gareth.

Oh, Cross with Gareth? What is it? Some terrible high place that happened in the lab. He says, I come from Edinburgh and tell the guy who's on now in the festival that it does not rain for weeks at a time. That's rubbish. Tell him to get his facts right, Mr E Macmillan. Mr E Macmillan. See, he's just given us a surname. Well, I'm sorry, Mr E, if Gareth's upset you. Mr E, is he some sort of local drum dealer? That's what worries me. He's a relative of Harold Macmillan's.

Is he? What? No, I've just made that up. They've never had it so good. So you've upset Mr Macmillan, Gareth. It rains all the time. Once it starts, last year it started raining and rained, it must have rained for two weeks. You can, I like that text because you can hear, even though the accent's not in it,

you can hear the accent. The angry Scottish accent. Yes. Well let's not alienate Mr Macmillan. I mean he's, I'm glad he's joining in. Well he's starting something, I'll finish it. If Mr Macmillan wants to start it, I'll finish it. I know, don't say that about, Mr Macmillan might be one of those red-faced men with beards that stop you in Edinburgh and shout about

Bannockford. Scottish men. Yeah. Now he sounds like an elderly man who has loads of borders. Mr Macmillan. Well I don't know, I think you're, I'm not going to have you ganging up on Mr Macmillan. I'm going to defend his right to defend his city, the city that he loves, that's in his veins. Those cities where in the old days intelligent young men leaned out of the window of their apartment and shouted, leave it by the bins to Birkenhair. So yeah, well, so Mr Macmillan, I've been to Edinburgh and it's been lovely and sunny, and we should both – we all agree, don't we? Certainly Gareth up there, it is a very beautiful city. It is lovely, yes. It is lovely and sunny at we should both so we all agree don't we certainly Gareth up there it is a very beautiful city it is lovely yes yeah it is lovely and sunny at the moment well there you go then mr mcmillan is not as incorrect as some might have suggested on this program good for you mr

a i'm calling you mr e i bet that's it is some sort of rapper figure it's mr E! Yeah, I'm singing about Sunshine Edinburgh, it's coming down! Um, so that was Mr E. Oh my goodness. Yes, there's nothing worse than a 52 year old man rapping, I always think. Especially if it's GIFs. So this is the point where the news comes in, but it hasn't come in. Shall I talk about the news? I met Peter Andre last night, he point where the news comes in but it hasn't come in. Shall I talk about the news? I met Peter Andre last night, he's in the news.

Yeah he's not happy. He's done that thing though, you know when you're in the middle of a terrible split and you lose weight. He looks good. Yeah he's really slim and all that. That's one of the pluses of a big horrible split. Oh they never come out and sound bitter. Be bitter by all means, but don't sound bitter. I thought he was quite sweet about it really. I'm wondering now that someone has tuned in for the news and thought, well this is in the news, but I didn't expect it to be this in depth about Peter and Katie. I thought that would just be a mere passing thing. It's been a morning not dissimilar if instead of having a band playing on the

Titanic there'd been a DJ. This is what the show would have been like. So what happened to the news? The news we decided. Is there no news? Well... The news is so last season. Is something being covered up? up Something big happened. What's happening out there basically? Aliens have taken over the capital and I thought it sounded odd. Yeah, exactly. There was a tension Yeah, we didn't what does that I'm actually doing this show with a man who's essentially ectoplasm Standing behind me pointing some sort of ray gun. You're doing a tentacle point.

Exactly, yeah, so I'm doing my best, but to be honest he smells of, well, space more than anything else. Well, you're doing very well with it. Thanks very much. You should think yourself lucky you're in Edinburgh. Mind you, I say that I've only got dangerous aliens. You've got Mr E Macmillan who I think has texted us again You've wound him up Gareth. That's what you've done. Well what he's saying he says Mr. Macmillan again

He doesn't say dear Frank. He's dropped an E now. He's dropped an E. No wonder he's hysterical He says, for your info, I am not red-faced or a drug dealer or a old person and, and that's an ampersand, and not related to H Macmillan. Thanks for your vote, Frank Skinner. Oh, we see he appreciated me sticking up for him. He might be being sarcastic but I think he did appreciate it. The thing is about E Macmillan, if I may revert to E Macmillan, which is, I know, he's a bit like Prince, he suddenly thinks, don't call me Prince anymore, I've adopted this squiggle in the losing of the Es, he's now song E, but I still think of him as E Macmillan and the trouble is with E, if

I may call him that, familiarly, is that, I know what he isn't but I don't know what he is. And I hate that in a person. So what I'd like, if you're listening, E, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say Eric. If you're listening, Eric, I would love to know what you are because I think there's a bit more to E Macmillan than might meet the eye. I think he's an interesting person. I'm getting a feeling for what he is from the text. You'll see, he'll be after you. He's on the way to the studio that you're broadcasting from, so if I was you I'd start

saying nice things about E Macmillan. Someone said something nice about me. Did they? What, by text? Or once? Are you just reminiscing? Something that happened in the late 80s? Yeah, I think someone said something nice about me once. I know an interviewer this week said I looked like Caspar the friendly ghost, which I could have done without. Oh, that's quite nice.

You think? Yeah. What, affable but no longer with us? Slightly ghoulish. Yeah, a little bit ghoulish. But friendly, you are friendly. Declan Fallon says, what a voice. No not yours Frank. Emily, your voice is lovely, slightly posh and ever so sexy. That's good. Yeah. Why doesn't. Macmillan say things like that? Why don't we see his compassionate side for a change instead of all that rage? Georgina Frank, Gareth, E is for Ewan, I'm on my way to

Edinburgh. Karl Oh my, so he's not in Edinburgh? Oh, okay. Oh, Ewan, okay. Ewan Macmillan. I like him. So, um, look, it's been lovely talking to you, Gareth, but, um, we're bored now, to be honest. Yeah.

You've been joined by Lee Mack. Good morning. Good morning. Hurrah! I'm trying to do that professional thing where I talk to you and changing my headphones, because the headphones aren't working, I'm afraid. You probably don't need headphones, really. The last thing I said before you started speaking was I'm really impressed that you're driving

this desk, Frank. Yes. And, unfortunately, I was at my headphones, aren't we? Yeah, well, I'm not driving the probably don't need headphones, do you? The last thing I said to you before you started speaking was, I'm really impressed that you're driving this desk, Frank. Yes. And first of all, I was at my headphones, weren't we? Yeah, well I'm not driving the headphones, for goodness sake. How's that? Can you hear me now? I can hear you, but just you, your voice. I'm not hearing it through the headphones.

Oh, OK. So it's you, but slightly muffled. Do you think people at home want to hear a sound check? This is why people sound check before the audience comes into a theatre. I actually said to my careers officer I wanted to be a roadie and she said why I said because I want to. I want to. I want to. We're off! We're off! Look at that.

Da da da da da da da da da. There's nothing wrong with the headphones, I just did it to get into that joke. You rascal! So, erm, Lee, it's lovely to see you. The last time I saw you, I think, we erm, well actually the last time I saw you was at Heathrow Airport. Yes it was, wasn't it, because I'm just so, every time I see you it's a ridiculous time of the last time I saw you was at Heathrow Airport. Karl Yes it was wasn't it because I'm just so, every time I see you it's a ridiculous time of the morning and I'm hungry. Steve Yes. Karl We went across, we went across Europe.

Steve It's like being your milkman. Karl You could be a milkman. Someone told me I look like a 1940s greengrocer, how can you look like a milkman? We should do a sitcom like a, you know, a Confessions Of series. Steve What I like is that you do look like a 1940s Greengrass. I do. Why is it... I have to credit Noel Fielding. That's twice he's been mentioned on your show. Yeah. Noel Fielding and Julian Barrett said that.

Yeah. So I can't take credit for that observation, but it is true. Yeah, but you can take credit for that face. For that face! Yeah, they wouldn't be able to say if it wasn't for his face. Yeah, exactly. It's all very well... They're just commentators. So where did you two go away? We went across Europe for Children in Need and we went, we started off in London and

we ended up in the east of Turkey and on paper we had the easiest leg of the trip because the idea is that you hand the Baton over to, I'm sorry have you talked about this before? No no this is, this is breaking news. We could do with a bit of news on this show so I'm glad you've turned up. Well we hand the Baton over you see to the next two celebs, in inverted commas, you know. Don't be unkind. No, no, I meant us. Oh, OK, right, so.

Right. And so, and that was the plan. And we, on paper, had the easiest leg, didn't we? Because they were, like, going across Iraq and Iran, all this sort of stuff. We went to Vienna, I think. Exactly. Paris. And yet we complained, I think, the most, because we were up at four in the morning going to bed at midnight, spent all day on a couch. Yeah. Never saw anything.

Did you get on well? Oh, we did. We did get on well. That was the one safe and grace, because I didn't really know. We'd met before, but we didn't really know each other. We'd never shared a train cabin before, and I mean a sleeper cabin. Yeah. It was very exciting.

Oh, how sweet, all brokeback mountains. So, let's not punch you. Well, I wouldn't, no, I don't remember that bit, but, yeah, that part of it was great, but basically we did a ten day schedule in seven days, so it wasn't so much a travelogue as a race, a race against time. Yeah, it was, and you actually, you're fitter than me, I realise that. You're twelve years older but fitter. You survive, you woke up in a more sprightly way. I'd wake up and was just not happy till about 2 o'clock in the afternoon till I'd had my lunch and...

I'm a lark, you said, that's what I am. You are. So, Lee, I should, before we talk about anything else, let's get the plugs in. Yes. So, Would I Lie to You? Yes. How dare you? Would I Lie to You starts Monday the 10th of August, which is this Monday, Communist

Day, at 10.35 on BBC One. Unavailable Skin. Really? Was they unavailable? Unavailable. That's what they said. I know what unavailable means. I don't think she didn't want to do it.

Comes to something when I'm on Loose Women and not on Would I Lie To You. Well in case anyone isn't listening, as the new series started, it's a great time to tune in and get into it. So briefly, how does it work? Well there's me and David Mitchell, the two captains, new host Rob Brydon sits in the middle. Now I very much like Rob Brydon. Oh I like him. I like David Mitchell as well.

That sounded a bit like, it was half you and I, it sounded like Rob doing an impression of you, half of the you did an impression of Rob. Yeah, well we meet in the middle, me and Rob Brian. He's another one who looks a bit like an early greengrocer, doesn't he, from the early part of the century. It's more like he'd work on the rails, I think, on the railways. Yeah, in a lowly position, not too senior. A porter.

He'd be a ficious, but he'd be in a low position. He'd be very proud of his job. He'd want a ficious but he'd be in a low position. He'd be very proud of his job. He'd want a promotion. Anyway, sorry. And we give a truth or a lie, you know, you read out a card, and the other team have to guess if you're telling the truth. And it's a fact about yourself. So I would say, for example,

I used to be the stable boy for Red Rum. Yes. We'll let Emily, then. False False. Well you're supposed to interrogate him and you're going to play the game. Oh okay. It'll be a very quick half hour. I don't know, I think it's false. That's not stretching out my good I don't know it's false. We're not stretching it, this is not the show, this is the show in Mike's costume. It's actually true. Let me ask, it's not. No, it is. Let me ask you a question. I don't believe you. Go on then. Bit late now. We've really ruined this game. What's the question? Are you sure?

Did he like sugar lumps? When was it? Was it in the 70s? How old do you think I am? I don't know. I was at school in the 70s. You've established you were a grocer in the 40s. So don't get high too tight here, Manny. He used to like pearl omints actually, funny enough. Oh, okay.

Yeah, didn't like it. I remember once, er, Jeff Hurst came into the stables and gave him a polo mint, and I remember thinking, that's Jeff Hurst, wow, that's Red Room, I didn't know he liked polo mints, all in the same millisecond. That's a lot of information, big information. That's a lot of information to take in, isn't it? To take in, yeah, it is. Did he come all, did he, did he actually come into the stable or did he just come in bang into the door and you weren't quite sure whether he'd come into the stable or not? No he definitely came right in because I remember looking at him thinking, I was watching him

thinking that is fantastic, I love the idea of Geoff Urst saying to him I scored three goals in the World Cup and Red Room going I won the Grand National. Oh sporting heroes, I am going to top that, I am going to top that. I'm going to top that with travel. Now, as you may have guessed, the travel isn't happening either. Now, can I just say, I came in from Lambeth into Golden Square this morning in the heart of London, a large conurbation in the south east of England. I have to say it was pretty clear, but would be what 10 to 7. I came in about 40 minutes ago the exact same route. Oh yeah.

That's your flat. Oh right. Yeah. Tailback's gone all the way to the M25 now. Oh no. Avoid that area. Yes and if you're driving up to West Bromwich from London this afternoon keep out of my way! We're with Lee Mack who has already plugged Would I Lie to You which starts next Monday on BBC One at 10.35 and which is a very very funny program. I just wasn't available. That's the bottom line. And you're also going on tour? I am. I am. And, uh... When does that start? I love the fact you put two syllables in tour. I like that.

Tour. You've got a tour. What do you say? Tour. Okay. Yeah, but he says poo-er as well. Poo-er, yeah. Yes, well. Uh, I've got... There's 44 dates. Sorry, 44.

And, uh... And, uh... Yeah, no, I'm I'm going I'm not gonna try and list them should I just put a website Lee Mack live calm okay that'd be sufficient well you're opening in Norwich I'll tell you that case in case no one had told you so that's yes yeah that'll be very very funny indeed I have to say that I have worked with Lele has done the credit crunch cabaret with me which is the thing that I host and you absolutely tore the place up. Lee Mac In a metaphorical sense. Steve Yes, you did. You stormed it. So go and see Lee Mac live.

Lee Mac Thank you very much. Steve And watch Would I Lie to You, but don't ever go on an aeroplane with Lee Mac. It'll scare the hell out of me. Lee Mac I am a bit… Well, when I took this… Can we talk about this? We've got time. Steve Yeah, it's shimmer. Lee Mac When we did the children in need thing, I immediately said… Steve You know, we've got no news, we've got no travel, we've got bags of time.

I immediately said yes to it because I don't like flying and part of the rules were you're not allowed to fly because it's around the world in 80 days without flying. So I said, brilliant, put the phone down. Then remembered that once we'd handed the baton over, I'd have to get back. So then spent the next week trying to work out how I could get back on a train from the border of Iraq to London. You considered, I remember, a three day train journey.

Six days. Six day train journey to a wide flight. Really? Yeah, yeah. And then I went on a course, a flying course, a fear of flying course, and you get to fly the jumbo jet in a simulator, but it's absolutely real. Everything is so real you won't believe. And did it work?

It was unbelievable. It definitely helped, 100 because the teacher about turbulence, stuff like what it is and you know you're not really dropping. You think you're dropping in turbulence don't you? Well let me tell you. I was like, Frank Scott, that look as if we were not all this again. A whole week of this. If you want some facts about flight, this is the map. But it's great but the thing is he's so realistic until the bloke started chatting to me and as he was chatting he turned casually to me and then paused mid-air. So the whole play just froze mid-air as we were chatting. I was like, can we not do this? But it was a simulator. I do forget.

It was a simulator, yeah. You can't pause a play in mid-air, famously. But you did say that if you turned all the engines of a plane off it would still be fine. Yeah, well that's what happens at the end. When you're landing you're effectively just turning the engines off aren't you? See I never knew that. They actually turn all the engines off. Well they don't turn them off when they're landing in case you need to go back up again. Oh okay. In an emergency. They don't literally go, oh we don't need these anymore, let's move

them off. Oh I thought they did. But it's effectively, so it's not being in neutral in your car. So if you turn them off it would probably be roughly the same. I'm saying this without being going on a one-hour course. I realised there might be trainee pilots listening go well Lee Mack says, so we'll try that today when we're landing at Luton. Literally before we went on the plane Lee would phone up someone for weather conditions, advanced weather conditions. I didn't phone this show.

Yeah, travel and weather, that would have been very helpful. France comes with your days, France comes with your days. My week has been, I returned from Edinburgh on Monday and then on Monday night I went to the Reform Club in Palmao, which is one of them posh gentleman's clubs, which I don't know, I don't know about you guys, have you ever thought about joining one of those places with a leather Chesterfield and old blokes were in the war? I don't think I've ever anticipated having the opportunity. Well anyone, I think anyone, there's a board when you go in of people who want to join and they have to be okayed by it.

Did you wear that denim jacket? I did, you've got to wear a suit and tie. What was I going to say? I say you have to wear a suit and tie, but the crew, because we were being filmed, this thing I did for Children in Need, we went around the world in 80 days. I didn't like how I went, ooooh, at the beginning of that, but I'm going to pretend no one probably noticed it. Just go with it.

Yeah, best not to draw attention to it. But yeah, so we got filmed and it was, who was there? John Barrowman was there, Myling Cllass, oh it was the night of a thousand stars! But the crew all turned up in t-shirts and stuff and no one said anything which I thought was wrong. There's always a big, when you do a charity thing, it's always, you realise you're always the only person who's not being paid, all the crew and that are all getting paid exactly the same as ever, right? Do you think that's right? I don't know. That's this week's phony. Mylene Klaas was there. Mylene Klaas, yeah. Why do you pull that face?

I just, I don't like, you know, hating celebrities and things like that, people on telly, but she's growing on me in the way that I'm starting to really think that she might be a terrible person. Oh! Gareth! Gareth, you've turned the tables upside down with your first statement! My link, class, is like the sweetest! Well the thing is, I think she might have talent at something, but I just don't think it's what she's doing, and she just seems to do everything, and just in a really cynical way. So let me get this right, you think she's got talent at something

but not what she's doing, however she's doing everything. Well apart from she can play the piano can't she? Yes. Well she doesn't do any of that does she? No, well I think you're wrong about Mylin. Really, did you meet her? I've met her many times, she's sweet. She's really sweet, she cried on my chat show. Did she? Oh look, everyone cried on your chat show, Frank. Oh well I know that, I certainly did. Most weeks.

And she cried because, you know that fleshy bit under the armpit at the back? I pinched that as hard as I could. She cried? Why did she cry? Because people were saying bad things about her. People like you, Gareth, were saying nasty things about her. That's why. I imagine she eats lizards. Live lizards. I reckon she just plugs them why. I imagine she eats lizards. Live lizards. I reckon she just plugs them down. Live, wriggling lizards. Oh yeah, I think she eats live lizards. I'm not arguing with that. But you know, everyone's got their foibles. No, I'm sure she's a lovely

person but she's just... Oh no, I'm sorry. But you can't, you can't at the end of that attack say I'm sure she's a lovely person. I you're going to hate her, just hate her.