The Frank Skinner Show - Frank Skinner’s Radio Days: Red Hoodie

Episode Date: December 3, 2025

We’re in 2011 with Frank, Emily and dear Gareth for our best bits. This time Frank has been to a party with the AB of C and he's worried he’s offended the West Brom Albion manager. Also, Emily has had a wardrobe malfunction in a TV interview. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Commissions fees and expenses may apply. Read the funds or ETF's prospectus before investing. Funds and ETFs are not guaranteed. Their values change and past performance may not be repeated. We've taken all my radio shows and done a bit of editing and tightening. It's a walk-down memory layer and I know because people find new things quite frightening. This is Frank Skinner and I'm with Emily and Gareth. Good morning.

Hi Frank. As I am every Saturday morning, really. If you imagine we went off like the Apollo 13 mission and now we're just floating in space, just the three. and we're wondering if there's a voice out there if anyone is listening, if anyone will speak to us. Anyway, look, we're just talking for the hell of it here. That's what we're paid for, isn't it? According to the Guardian, I read about us in the gut.

We were in the Guardian. Don't read things about us? Well, I got the producer to check it was positive. Oh, first of all. Oh, okay. It was the same things with my tests from the doctors. And, yeah, it was this time it was good news that it was positive. and I had a look, and it was nice about us.

Oh, thanks God. It was nice about me, if I'm going to be specifically. It didn't actually mention that you to exist. No, I read it as well. We weren't mentioned. But, you know, there's only so much room in an article. So there I was driving out of a tailbridge. Oh, yeah.

And, you know, when you're driving along on the police, you can see the blue light. the bad ground. Don't I ever know that? And you think I'll have to pull, you know, I'll pull out. Some people, they keep going. I don't know what it is with something. They don't seem to notice.

I pulled right over into the gotter. And the police, they pulled over as well behind me. And I thought, I mean, who's coming through if the police are pulling over with a blue light? It was Simon Kell. I don't think of anyone else who the whole of London would move out the way for. turned out I'd been pulled over

Now this hasn't happened to me for many years And I must say I felt I felt a little bit A little bit G, a bit gangster Oh, okay Yeah Were you on your own in the car? No, no, I had I wasn't at all on my own

I think some of you may know that Currently I live with my girlfriend But her sister is staying with us as well so they were both in the car with me in fact her sister rachel came up when i was talking to the police she came over she said to lighten the mood and he said i said i must admit i you know when i saw you i thought you were i thought i thought i'm surprised you saw them because you're more or less blind

aren't you and i thought no this is like when at an airport we'll say i just got the bombing no it's like that you don't do jokes with the police Can I ask why were you pulled over for him? You know, they have to give you a reason. Well, apparently it was because I represent British television and they're still angry about the bill being. They were living about it.

Yeah. They did the walk for me as well. I had to play on a harmonium while they walked up and down Tower Bread. I mean, apparently I was driving more quickly than one is supposed to. But it was opening. I had to get over the gap. So what did they do?

Did they just talk to you then and tell you off? No, they actually breathed them. Can you believe that? Amount of your character. He said to me, have you been drinking? I said, I can tell you now. Officer. Yeah, I haven't had a drink since September the 24th, 1986,

and he just looked at me, disbelief. And I thought, I've never been more confident of passing a test. in my life than I was in passing this one. But then, having said that, because he got it out, and it looked, it looked like, it wasn't a bag. I was expecting, the last time I got breath of ice, it was a plastic bag. It looked like an iPhone. Yeah, it's like a little credit card machine.

Yeah. That has happened to me, I have to say, I was clean, I was clean. Did you hand it back to the merchant? I said, I said, it was, like an enormous sort of eastern man in a turban and silk and clothes selling spices. I had to give it back to him. I hate it when that happens. No, it was like, it was like an iPhone with a tube on it.

I thought it was going to be, you know that, is it the clavvy cord? A app, when you go, ooh, I thought it was going to go like, that, it didn't. And also, he said, took a really big breath and let all your air, all your air out your lungs. And towards the end, I thought, I could go down here. I could, if I fall, are they ever going to believe that I was. Don't ask Michael Stipe to do that, finish him right off. There was a tiny grain of doubt that I might fail, the breath of eyesight, even though I have another drinks. Why is that?

I had that and had me drinking, and I thought that. I think it's because I've, even though I haven't had a drink since then, I've never felt fully sober since. You might have had a liqueur, chocolate liqueur. I thought it might have been, you know, it lodges. I remember someone telling me once that they'd gone on some diet when you had to eat, like, sand or something like that, and it scratches all the stuff off your intestines.

And she said, like, big lump, said it looks like, It looked like a tube off of one of those. You know what Henry? Oh, yeah, yeah. The other tube on that. It looked like that. And what it was, it was like the hard inner lining that had formed on her intestine over the years

from just food that had sat there and gone hard like plastic. Any other intestine stories? Textile. Yeah, that's it. I'm looking for intestinal anecdotes. Intestinal anecdotes could easily be the name of the lead singer of some Eastern band. Oh, absolutely.

Yeah, that's what I. I'm thinking. Oh, thank you. You were breathalised then. The drama. Anyway, the great news is I passed. Well done. And it all ended very, with them saying stuff like,

So where are you off to tonight and all that? I love it when the police get all community. Yeah. And it was smashing. And, you know, we got back in the car. And... Off we went the three of us to a party. And we laughed.

Oh, what an adventure we've had there, we said to ourselves. And do you know, they let me keep the little tube as a souvenir? Yeah. And that's this week's prize. It's a smashing. And in fact, Frank, we have had a tweet in. And we've had a tweet. Which says...

Well, how 21st century is that? My favourite century. It says, Morris Stewart, Frank Skinner, and the Archbishop. Great Party. Now, that's not a sentence I ever expected to read us. Charlie Shee. The goddesses. Well, God.

The Archbishop. God are the goddesses. Yes, well, I went to a party. I didn't know this happened. I got invited to a party at Lambeth Palace, which is where the Archbishop of Canterbury lives. And when I got, I didn't know what I'd be invited or what it was. Now, can we just say you are his next door neighbor

in a sort of strange sitcom storyline here? I live next door. the archbishop of Canterbury. But I never see him about, you know what I mean? He's not like George of Mildred downstairs. Well, the most reverend?

Is he the most reverend? I think there was a competition. I think he's gone down. I think he's the second most reverend. Oh, gutted. Yeah, I think Desmond 2 came in with a late run on the outside rail. He is quite reverend.

When you turn up at the door then, Is there a big doorbell? How do you get in? Well, the door was open. Oh, that's terrible security. In Lambus, it's a risk, to say the least. But I went in and I was met by the press officer. And she said, oh, thank you so much for coming.

And I said, look, to be honest, I don't know why I'm here. And she said, well, I understand that on your radio show, when you were talking about celebrities you'd like to be friends with, you included the Archbishop. Wow. She said, she did. That's brilliant. And I said, yeah, that's true.

So I met the Archbishop, not at all arch, very open. Big old beard, that one. Lovely beard. I won't pretend I didn't notice the beard. Yeah, lovely. It was there. But it was, he was great. Was he?

I loved him. I have nothing bad to say about him. He was great company. Seems a nice fellow. It's a lovely way to meet someone that they know you would like to be their friend, and so they've invited you around to be their friend, See, that would put me up, if I heard someone saying they wanted to be my friend, I can't think of anything that would make me avoid them more.

My whole thing is avoiding anything other than very, very brief and superficial contact with other people. That's how I live my life. I noticed that at the Archbishop's party, everyone I met gave me a business card, the very antithesis of my attitude to life. People say, have you got to watch your phone number? I don't know my phone number.

And the reason I've never learnt my phone number is when people, People say to me, can I have your phone number? I can say, I don't know what it is, without lying. Oh, without a coming across as rude, yeah. Yeah. Oh. Well, I could lie, but I don't know. So now, everyone was so, look, and I'll tell you what they did.

This, I've discovered the secret of partying. I don't mean in the Charlie Sheen sense. Hmm. Not take you a while, isn't it? You discovered the secret of partying at the Archbishop of Canterbury Party. Yes. Wow. Yes. But this is what they did.

Everyone I spoke to, right, it was a lot of mingling. going on. Oh, there always is. It the most reverence. There is. Everyone I spoke to, when they'd done with me, when they'd used me up and wished to cast me to one side, they wouldn't just say... That sort of party, is it? I mean, verbally.

All right. You know, normally you talk to someone and then you just go off and talk to someone else. And when someone leaves you to talk to someone else, there's that moment when you're just looking around to where you're going to go next. What they did at the Archbishop's party is they would, as they were going to go

off, they'd take you over to someone else and introduce you to them. So you were passed across. Oh, that's quite nice. It was like, do you remember tag wrestling? Yeah. Remember the royal, the battling royals and all those? Yeah. So they looked after you. They didn't make exit strategies. They were lovely. And I'll tell you something, there was 5,000 of us at the party and they fed the whole of us with three mini sausage rolls and two saturday sticks. How he did it, I'll never know. But there was five baskets of crumbs at the end of the evening, which we gave to the poor outside. It could go one of two ways.

Oh, yeah, putting the clocks back. Oh, yeah, go on. Or is it forward? No. That's it. It's forward. You leap forward into spring, and you fall backward. Yeah. Yeah.

Is that it? You fall backwards, because you're going into fall, autumn. You spring forward. Forward. Yeah. Clocks go forward tonight in case anyone's confusing. I don't want to mess that all. And that's a big moment in our house.

Oh, is it? I'll tell you for why, because where I live, you can see Big Ben. from where I live. Big Ben is the... Yes, we know what Big Ben is. No, no, he's the personal trainer that lives in Flat 17. I don't think he has curtains. And by glory is fabulous.

Is that Ben Alfie do, who goes out with Vanessa Feltz? It could be. He's just one of my favourite celebrities. You know, I once said to Mr. Motivator, do you still go out with Vanessa Feltz? It's the old... So many wrong things went on there. I felt... I had to be scourged.

I had to spend two weeks. in medieval France, being scourched by monks. And I don't know if you've ever tried buying a ticket to medieval France at Thomas Cooks. It's almost impossible. But the thing is, you can see Big Ben, you can't see Big Ben, obviously, because before someone texts in, Big Ben, is the bell, not the clock. But you can see the clock on that tower from our flat. And what they do, they never let you see that moment when it goes forward or back.

I think they think it might startle someone if they saw the hands suddenly, whiz round. So what do they do then? It goes completely dark. It does. Yeah. If you go past Big Band tonight, it'd be totally, totally dark. Frank? Yes. Can we discuss your attire today? Meaning? Well, it's quite, it's just a bit of a different direction for you. You've been sporting what I've been calling. It's a sort of 1960 sociology professor at a Redbrick University chic. Yes, that's what I've been up with. A Tweed jacket. Yeah, loving it. Before today you mean.

Yeah, but prior to today, thank you, Gareth. And today, it's all going to bit new kids on the block. Oh, have I made that mistake? Have I made that middle-aged crisis? A hoodie with a zip. Yeah. Hoodie with a zip. What else?

A hoodie with a belt. I know, I know. Yes, I'm wearing a black movie this morning. And there's a whole hoodie adventure I've been on this last week. No, really. You know, I'm on a quest to find out what I'm too old to. wear. I think I'm... No. Bingo.

I pulled the hood up the other night, which is a real mistake at my age. I put the hood up and pulled the string tight. Oh. You look like, if you can imagine dot cotton on South Park. Oh, the hoodie. So anyway... What are we going to do about the hoodie?

Well, what I did is I went into... I'll name the shop. I went into... This is a it's quite a youth shop. It's called American Apparel. Now, I went in there. Oh. Now, I thought I was like, well, you say that, I thought everything in there looked very reminiscent of, I'm not saying it isn't lovely stuff, but on first glance, it looked like Primark. So I thought, I'll get, you know, nine hooded tops.

Yeah. Be what, you know, tenor? Yeah. And, uh, no, no way, no way, Jose. Or no way, Jose, or no way, Joe say, for some reason, with Marino. I don't know why that. For years to get us to say Jose. And suddenly, it's Joseph.

again. Joe say on the pussy cats, that's what I say. Anyway, so I bought a red hooded top. You bought a red hooded top? Yeah, I know. I know. I have quite... For comic relief.

One redid, one red hoodie you had. So that was all you had at this stage. No, well then I thought, I don't like, if, I tried it on the mirror, and I must say, I thought, this is me. I'm of an age now where I buy clothes where I think these could last me, fees would be the rest of of my life. So maybe I'll just

wear, I'll just wear hooded tops forever. So I bought a green one as well. Red and green? Red and green. A creepy Christmas elf. I wasn't thinking Christmas, but no, you can't imagine it. Asbo, elf. Yeah, so anyway,

a lot of people, well actually a lot of people, Kath and Rachel, who I don't know if I've ever mentioned this, but my girlfriend's sister is staying with us at the moment. And I don't know where Sandy Mason comes into this. She's sort of a represent a sort of composite of George and Mildred.

Anyway, they were both saying to me, oh, you look great in that red top. Really? So I thought, this week, I was hard at it. And I thought, I'll have a bit of retail therapy. I went back to, I went back to A.A. And I never thought I'd go back to AIA. But I've had my hand on the receiver before now, close. But anyway, I went to the AIA, and there wasn't a very nice man.

Actually, there was a very, I thought, quite sullen assistant. Well, yeah, that's not untypical. Let's leave it there. Well, I said I'd like... I don't shop there because I feel a bit old for that shop. Oh, don't say that. I haven't heard of it before, but I honestly thought it was a kind... Why don't you call me at times like this? So did you... Is this where the black hoodie comes into it?

I went and I bought a black and a brown. Oh, some strange asbo monk now. Exactly. That's a very bloke thing. I know exactly that. impulse that when you find something you like just buy as many as you can, because they might stop doing them. Well, when I went into this, this other branch, I said, have you got, I bought some hooded tops.

They have several colours, blah, blah, blah. And she said, no, when I bought them from this, she said, no, we don't, we don't sell them. Oh. And I said, well, that, I can't work that out. I'll have to go back. So as I was, another woman said, oh, can I help you?

And I said, yeah, I was just asking about hooded tops. She said, oh, there they are over there. And I thought, how could that have happened? She was like 10 feet away, this silly, silly girl. She's got other things. She's also in a band. People who work in that shop are also in a band. She's not in a band.

She's not sort of... She's in some sort of group at a local clinic. Being helped through her stupid life. Maybe she was trying to discreetly give you fashion advice. Well, that's true. I'm leaving it there. That is true. She did have her help the aged badge.

Now I look back. What do you mean, hoodie? such thing of a hoodie. I've never heard of it. No, maybe you're right, actually. I remember I went into a shop once I went, and the assistant came over to me and went, yes, mate, and I just turned around and walked out. I don't come into a shop

like this to be called mate by the, yes, it was a difficult time in my life. I think I had head cold. When you're flying Emirates business class, sipping your favourite a cocktail at our onboard lounge. You'll see that your vacation isn't really over

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I went to see Blind Spirit last week at the Apollo in Shaftesbury Avenue. And a man came up to me after, and he said, oh, Frank, Frank, can I have your ticket stops? He said, they're great for autographs. And I said, okay. So I gave him my tickets, so he went off with them to get them autograph. Oh. I didn't ask for mine. Can you believe it?

He's actually got something to get signed from me He asked for a pen He did ask for a pen So I would have put it right up his nostril Yeah That would have done some damage I wouldn't be surprised So what were you saying for you got lost or something

Or you were giving someone directions Why do you even try? No but I think I've said on absolute Before that I have no sense of direction It's really quite bad And I spoke to you may know a psychologist about it who said it's because I didn't crawl when I was a baby.

I don't believe that. Well... It's like David Badele says he's got insomnia because he was born in New York. Yes, he says that. He's got like he's got jet lag forever. Exactly. That's his theory.

It does look like someone who's got jet lag forever. He doesn't support it. He is. He's laid back in the extreme. Yeah, he is. But, no, that's probably... I mean, I crawled a lot in the 80s. Yeah, you do, yeah. But I never got that sense of direction.

back. But anyway, a very attractive woman came up to me in the centre of London and said to me, I'm sorry to do you know where China town is? And honestly, it was I mean, I bet it wasn't half a mile away, perhaps not even a quarter. And I said you go over there, then you'd go right and then you turn left. And she went away and I went off and I thought well I was I was actually going to walk through Chinatown on my way somewhere

but I she was a bit too nice looking for me to say oh well I'm going that way walk with me it would have looked like I was being salacious yes I know what you mean um so I didn't feel I could do that but I felt as I walked back I saw her just seeing a walk off so she's striding confidently and she was on the phone so she's probably saying I'll be with you in a minute it's Just, oh, and she was going completely the wrong. And I thought about running after her, but I thought I might get maced. Yeah, you might have.

So I thought, well, if that's your attitude, get lost. But I felt, I felt properly guilty. I wish I'd just said, follow the lanterns, looking back. But it's irresponsible of you to give directions. I know, why do I do it? Can I just say, Gareth, isn't it true, when we come out of here, every Saturday, we come out of absolute radio, and Frank doesn't know where he's going?

And whenever you say goodbye, you pretend that you know, you go bye, bye, blah, and then you walk into a basement. I know, it is. You won't, the time's not been in the car, and eventually the passenger will say, are we lost? And I'd say, oh, yeah, we'll be lost for like half an hour. No idea. At least, you know, the sat never stop there.

But I don't, if I've got used to it, but I suppose the problem is, sometimes, by the way, I'll be out walking and I'll get lost. I phone my girlfriend, can. And she's on there saying, right, what shops are you near to? Can you see anything of a distinction? And she, you know, like in the old films when you're on a plane and they said, there's a green lever to your left? It's like that.

She talks me down. Well, Daisy and I did that to you in Edinburgh. We were going, River Island, keep going. I know, it's pathetic. I just can't do anything about it. You need Todd Lorraine's. Yes. Didn't he play The Invisible Man?

But I When they ask me I don't want to appear to be so stupid That I don't know where China tennis, for example So I can't, I think if I say I don't know It looked like I'm being deliberately unhelpful No, I think it would look like you don't know Yeah and I can't tolerate that

Being honest I won't be partied to that I think in future Frank If someone asks you're just going to have to fest up. You have no sense of great. Honesty is the best policy, I think. Yeah. What about if I carry a series of maps with me? And if anyone asks me, I'll just, I'll pretend I'm a mute. That would be a good thing for your, um, to have, you could have a little, um, selection of, you know, one of those little plastic holders for leaflets. Just have those on your belt. No, I haven't seen those. What

are they? But, you know, like in a, in a tourist office where they have a pile of leaflets and they're all... You know, when you're in the tourist office. Oh, yeah. Yeah, but I go in the tourist office to find the place half a mile away. No, I'm, well, I know what you mean, I know what you mean about the sort of, oh, I'm going that way anyway. Yeah. Because I do that a lot. She'd have thought you were not going that way. You'd deceive me, you're an opportunist.

Well, and I am an opportunist. Are you? You're joking. If someone's nice looking, I'll say, oh, I'm going that way anyway. If they're not, no deal. Has it ever worked? Deal or no deal. No, I've never actually been on a deal.

date as a result of it. Have you been in an Alice? We've had fun. Excuse me, Miss, I'm trying to find my way home. I was going that way anyway. So Frank, I did a TV interview this week. Did you? Well, I did.

I love to watch it when you're on telling. Well, there's a reason why I didn't tell you. There's a reason why I didn't tell both of you. There's a reason why I haven't told anyone. Oh, dear. Did it not go well? Well, you could say that Did they say how do you sleep At the end of it

How on earth do you sleep And I said Xanax No They I was asked to do It was a kind of You know like I think it's Associated Press

And they syndicate this All around the world apparently Really? Yeah America, Canada Europe 440 So a crew came in to the in-style offices

And I'd been asked to talk about Kate Middleton's style because there was a few stories have been going around about her wedding dress and who she might use and there was a suggestion it might be the House of Alexander McQueen

so who better to ask than in style's very own deputy editor indeed well obviously so I got my blow dry always get a blow dry when you're going on tell you thank I do as well oh no sorry I carry on I got mixed up sorry what I meant was always get a £7 £7 haircut

always get a blow dry I did my own makeup, but it was fine. Carefully chosen outfit, everything good to go. When I got waxed for comic relief, Jimmy Carr brought his own wardrobe person and all we had to put on was a white-tailing rope. All she did was Aldi, he put his sleeves in. She just tucked in the collar a bit and that was it, good night.

Oh, there you go. So, I chose, you know, I had everything. I was very planned, I was very prepared. Of course. I spent some time thinking about the questions that might. come up, had sort of structured my answers as one does, sat down, did it, they love me, if I do say so myself, we laughed, I kept it formal and respectful with the odd little joke. Yeah. Did you use my Kate Middleton looks a bit evil bit?

No. Okay. No. Probably for the best. Everything was great. They left. I was still glowing. You know the afterglow when you've done a good little performance like that? Yeah. You think great. I talked very knowledge. It's been a while, but I still remember it. I talked very knowledgeably about her fashion sense, because I know a lot about this. I know.

Sat down, realised, my top was on inside out. Oh. They were exposed seams. No. Yes? A bit of a label. You're joking. No.

Not a label. No. A bit of a label. Yeah, but everyone now will think, well, that must be the way to... Well, I'm thinking that's why they didn't question me. Because the label was halfway down. It was halfway down. you know, in my sort of torso area.

So it was an... Oh, it was that one? Yes. Oh, you're talking about something what to do with fashion and the royal family and everyone's reading your washing instructions. And the seams, it was seams a kimbo. It really was.

But why didn't they say anything? Well, they thought that was, this is the new fashion. This is what everyone's wearing it in style magazine. Oh, I'm turphing in my cardigan inside that as we speak. I feel embarrassed that it's the right way around now. Do you think I should just style it out? if it is shown in Wyoming, which it might be. I mean, the embarrassment, I wrong her off.

I said, where is this being shown? She went to America, Europe, Canada, it's going to be everywhere. Oh. Well, that's quite traumatic. I know. I talked about the West Brom manager. Oh, Roy Hodgson. Yeah.

And I said, you know, I'm confidently will keep us in the premiership. I said, he's a wise old owl. And I said, funnily enough, he looked. looks like what? And the thing is he does look a bit. He looks a bit like the owl in the sword in the stone if you remember that owl. But now

I'm worried now because the last thing I want to do is estranged myself from the owl. Is it an insult to be likened to an owl? Yeah. It's not great, is it? Look, because if you said, well, you said a wise, you said the wise bit. The wise bit, you'll like that, but it's actually

the physical. It depends how vain is. I mean, how vain on a scale of one to tame. The thing is I sit behind where they sit, you know, the manager's dog out. Oh, and those big car seats, I hate those. So I might be spotted, especially as I've noticed, he can turn his head 360 degrees. And he only goes to night games. That's what I can't work out. Yeah.

Does he hoot with laughter? Yeah, I don't know, but it was, it was, I must, I was glad of him when that vowl got on the pitch. No, but I really. I don't know. Is that something? I don't know. I had to go. I went with that.

Then I thought, oh, that doesn't make sense. Sorry. I should have just trusted you. Yeah. I want to give you another go. You're coming up with another one, aren't you? No. Oh, sorry.

I'm quite happy with Twit, Too All. Too All. Oh, To It Too All. I see. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Yeah, that is good. Well, how does the Twit bit work?

Let's not, I mean, you don't have to go over it like it's some sort of crime scene. It's had an element of, we'll just put that. It was like when... The Twit's worrying me, because it doesn't actually... Yeah, but the two old makes up for it, is the last thing I said. Just let it go. I'm talking about a man being an owl. Frank said his head goes all the way around.

Gary Bushill did a review of Martin Chuzzle, wit. Yeah. Remember Martin Chuzzle wit? And he said, too much chuzzle and not enough wit. And I thought, I'm liking not enough wit. What's chuzzle? Exactly. What is chuzzle? If it'd be muzzle, that would have been fine.

What's chuzzle? You know, you've got to be... You've got to be... I've got no credit for a hoot with last. And I was fine with it. I didn't even hear it. I love Chuttle. I think it's brilliant.

Anyway, so you're worried you've insulted the West Brom manager. Yeah, I'm. I'm going to be drying up. Because I pay for my tickets, can I say that? Yeah, I know that shocked you. But I do. I don't want, I wouldn't take money from the club. It wouldn't be right.

No, I wouldn't. Anyway, I don't want him screeching at me. Oh, no. So, um, anyway, at the place, he's like a barn, like the ground. But, um, also, um, why is that, um, why is that player limping? He's got a torn knee. Oh, tremendous. Oh, yeah.

We're not, we can't, we can't top. We can't top that. That feels like a full stop. Yeah. Oh, anyway, what else? Well, I'll tell you what else. Um, I've had, you know, I've moved out of my old place. Staying with Friends

Celebrity Friends Staying with Celebrities SWC on the census form We already established that It's my box of choice But obviously I've bought somewhere And I'm waiting for it all to go through I should say that

Emily's staying with Duncan Norvel Chase me fame But I once saw a poster for a Duncan Norvel show About three or four years ago And it said Duncan Norville TV star of the 70s I thought, oh, no.

I'm not saying with, can you imagine if I was? People think I am there. Anyway, I found the place that I want, and it's lovely. So what I'm doing, Frank, is preparing, you know, before the big move, making some little key purchases, items I want. Also, I've got a little garden area, which I haven't had before. Frank. Sorry, what?

It's my first sort of patch. It's my first time I've had a little patch. Yes. We're never going to get through this. No, no, no, come along. And it's concrete. You know, I out sleeping in the concrete patch. I don't know about you.

Even the producers lost it. So, but it's a small area, Frank. Yeah. It's not a big area. No. Stop it, though. This is going to... I'm not trying to do this.

I'm explaining it. It's a small area. So, but, you know, what I want is the odd plant. You want to spruce it up a bit. I do. But is it concrete? If it's concrete... Well, when I say concrete, what I mean is in a really beautiful,

like it, the sort of Oriental garden, that sort of thing. It's got those slates. You know, those slates? Yes. Oh, no, it's not some inner-city thing. It's very pleasant looking, but it's small. So I need someone just to come in, maybe once a month, do a bit of tending. But, Alder, if it's that small, surely can't you do it?

No, absolutely not. So I think it's quite trendy. I think it could fit with your... I think I saw in the... I did Alan Titchmast this week, and they were advertising Armani kneeling pads. Oh, I don't want to get those. Well, they're coming handy. I mean, you're going to...

Look, I presume there'll be a housewarming party. So anyway, so it means I thought what I'll get, Frank, is a man to come in once a month, maybe, every three to four weeks. You know, just an odd job man. That's what I'm looking for, essentially, an odd job man. So I asked a friend who recommended us. someone, I found the perfect man, he's brilliant. He said, grey, he's just left his old job.

So he's got, you know, he's ready to start. I said, well, who is he going to have time to do it? Who is he working for before? You two? You two's gardener. Hold on, you two don't all live together after that. No, but he looked after quite a few of them independently, I think. Oh, I had a lovely feeling that they all lived in the house with the garden. But Frank, he's going to...

With a big spider, another big spider. In the guard, like a big spider green house that they all go in. But Frank, I can't have you two. It's going to turn out with some big, Chris, Eubank tractor coming up the street. It's quite exciting. But you won't be cheap.

Well, this is what? I don't have that kind of money. I have those kind of taste. I don't have that kind of money. No. He'll be good at the edging. Oh, Gavre. Absolutely fabulous.

I'm working on Bono. Just give me a moment. I know, but the good thing is I think I can be quite demanding, can't I? If he's used to the likes of you too, I expect they had very strong ideas about what they want.

I like a celebrity handyman though I think it's the way forward Nick Knowles It'd be good Get him in It's yeah I had a personal assistance once Who's been Renata John's personal assistant You know Renata John

Not from Renee and Renata No Renata John Who's married to Elton John Everyone forgets that Elton John Had a wife once And she'd been I remember her Yeah

And that's all. Did you quite like knowing that she's worked with her? She was very discreet, obviously. Oh, she'd have to be. I hope Ute's gardener's not too discreet, though. I want to find out some information. But do you think I should turn him down, though? I need to find out how much you charge.

I think it's a good brag. Okay. Yeah, I'll get some Joshua trees in there. Oh. Absolutely, Mars. We've taken over at radio shows and there'll have been of editing and tight. It's a walk down memory lane I know because people find new things quite frightening