The Frank Skinner Show - Frank Skinner’s Radio Days: Toothache

Episode Date: February 25, 2026

It's 2012 and the team discuss the London Olympics Opening Ceremony, Frank being papped with baby Buzz, goldfish and leftover chips! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Frank Skinner's Radio Days, it could go on. Hello and welcome to Frank Skinner's Radio Days. We're in 2012 for our best bits. Now, this time, we're talking about stealing leftover chips. I mean, it's got to be good. There's a theory with babies that you play them music. Oh, love me. And that makes them, you know, more intelligent and calm and stuff.

Mozart, they often recommend. Good. Mm-hmm. Like some of his old stuff. Yeah. His new stuff is... Quieter, in it. He got a bit commercial for me.

I went off him. So I got this... Well, I got it. My girlfriend, Kaff, bought a CD to play to the boss. It's not the fall. No, no. Don't play how I wrote Elastic Man. Even I thought maybe it's a bit early for the fall.

I thought that that might freak him out. But, no, I'll tell you what, I have it in my hand here. It's called nurturing music for infants. It might be called nurturing music for infants, but nurturing is much bigger than the other three words, so I'm giving it its own special place. And it's by a man called Thomas Scherneberger. Oh.

Okay. It has a picture of Thomas. And can I just give you a brief extract from the sleeve? notes. They still call them sleeve notes on CDs. I feel we can. We're amongst friends. It's not really a sleeve. It's more of a cough nowadays when I think I big the LP ones. What does Schoenberger have to say for himself? Well it says Schenberger is internationally recognised as the leading infant composer worldwide. Right. Yeah, I think he did

Rock in a Bible. No, he didn't. He did. So it says that Thomas Schoenberger explores the many moods of an infant's day to the delight of both parents and child. Can I qualify that? Not to my delight. I love the idea that they have moods. I've got a lot on today. I'm very stressed. They don't have moods. They just wake up and go to sleep. His music has won best of the year. That's best of the year in inverted commas. His music has won best of the year acclaim from Dr. Toy. Oh, I love Dr. Toy.

Who is Dr. Toy? Is he a child psychologist? I think he's a consultant at Anne Somers. In addition to rave reviews, well, why not put them on the sleeve? And positive endorsements from Parent magazine, Billboard, Good Housekeeping and Bay Area Parent. Now, it has long been my opinion that if you've got a good review from a magazine that no one's heard of, don't put it on. Because it looks like you're scratching around. Billboard, also.

Bill, but he could have left in a billboard. Good housekeeping, parent magazine, fine. But don't bring him Bay Area Parent. Funnily enough, I've got my five-star review for last year's Edinburgh show from Bay Area Parame.

Yeah, well, that's not saying with them. They never have anything bad to say any of it. Ouch. Yeah. So anyway, this is what, so we got him in his... Oh, we're going to get to hear him? Oh, good.

Oh, exciting. Excellent. Imagine 7.0. I got this, by the one, I got this from T.K. Max. Lovely place to go. Yeah, it is lovely. T.K. Max, you may know. Do you wear this?

In America. Do you wear this? No. I don't. In America, it's T.J. Max. That's right. And they didn't, they changed it to T.K. here because they thought that the British public might get mixed up with a shop called T.J. Hughes. Oh, yeah. Because they've got the same.

same initials. Do you know that's one of the best retail stories you've ever told? Like any story of the British public being treated with utter contempt. Oh no, they won't be able to work that out. Different surnames are going to throw up. Like, well, you're going to go into the blacksmiths

to buy magazines, thinking it's W.H. Smith, rubbish. Anyway. I want to hear this music. Here we go. Now, I'm a patient, man. And I want, you know, obviously, I want the baby to develop well and be happy and intelligent

but also I think it would be bad if I threw him up the wall I've been listened to at 20 minutes of this it wasn't what I was anticipating it's a bit silent movie villain I thought it was going to be acoella the wheels on the bus car round the road no it's just that it's I mean no disrespect to Thomas Schoenberger who's you know got rave reviews

and positive endorsements all over the place particularly in the big area I can't. I'm afraid he's going to have to be a bit less intelligent than you could have been. We should just say if people have just tuned in while we're playing that. You're listening to Absolute Babies or something like that. I'm actually that would be the next one. They're probably not going to have classic FMs. Come up. I was absolute babes, the late night one.

Yeah. Ring me, guys. Come on, guys. Do another bit when they switch the microphone on. Come on, guys. Why don't you ring me? Because I'm going to have to go in about 10 minutes. This is your last child. I have an email. I'm reading an email now. It's come to this. Wow. I'm having to do my own cleaning.

Ian Baker has sent in an email. Ian Baker lives in the Netherlands. Lovely. I think that is rather. I do. Everybody, when it's spring again, I'll bring again. Chulips from Amsterdam. No, I said, everybody.

We couldn't join in. We didn't know the little. Carry on. Okay. And he is an enthusiast of the show. We'll leave it at that. And he's actually gone as far as to create an MP3, which is a sort of jingle for email corner, which leads us into our discussion. Oh, lovely, Frank. What about that? I have it at my very fingertips. Would you like to hear it? Yes, I would. We'll gather you around. Here it comes. This is Ian Baker's email corner, jingle. I love it and it's actually picked up on the on the old absolute dun-dun-d-d-dun-d-d-d-dun.

And we've got the C-Tart. It's all the George Harrison. I'd like to extend my thanks to Ian Baker. Yeah. For that. Yeah, good old Ian Baker. Frank, he's not the only one who's been in touch. I think we should pay him, but all share the cost. We should go Dutch on that.

There we go. Fantastic. Oh, that was good. At last, you've lifted us up by our bootstring of which we all aspire. Okay. Are you going to read an email? Is that what you're about to do?

This is from Kelly. She says, Dear Frank, Emily and Alan, following on from TV shows that were only commissioned for their title, because we've discussed this a lot. Yes, we talked about aid in Britain was only made because it sounded like made in Britain, for example.

There are some films where the title may be causing harm to revenue of the film, as it tells the entire. story in the title itself. So you don't even need to see the film. For example, we bought a zoo. Can you guess what happens? Is that a film? Yeah, we bought a zoo. It is a film. Yeah. What's it about? I've seen trails for it. I've seen trails for it and had exactly that thought. She's right. Yeah, we bought a zoo. I watched on my... What happens then in the trails? Can we afford it? I don't know, honey. No, no, you just see some people who've got a zoo.

This is not a film that culminates in them buying the zoo. Surely they buy the zoo early on and then it's their adventures thereafter. I think it is that. I think it's they buy the zoo and then, oh, guess what? They can't keep all the animals in it and, oh. Well, Kelly goes on to say, on the other hand, some film titles are misleading, such as Mission Impossible. As far as I'm aware, he completes every mission he gets. Thoughts, Kelly?

Some of them are misleading. Well, I watched the film on the way to Montreal and it was called Man on a Ledge. guess what? There's a man on a ledge all the way through it. That's fair enough. Spoiler alert. Is he standing on a ledge, as in the kind of man who calls Frank a ledge? Frank's a ledge. That's what people in the street call press. Yeah, he's standing on the neck. Two leisons do gymnastics.

Yeah, what about the Great Escape? Spoiler alert. Yeah. Oh, that is such a spoiler alert. Yeah, we don't want to know, do we? Also, don't say it's great, because then I know it works. The Great Attempted. An escape is what it should be called.

We'll see how it goes in brackets. But really you could take that another way of going, if you like escape films, this is the best of them, because this is the great escape. It's a really good film. Call it an escape film. Calling an attempted escape film, otherwise. You're right, or just men in prison?

Yeah. I'd watch that. Or... That Glenn Ritchie film, Snatch. Completely misleading. Well, I thought it was about... I don't want to know what you thought it was about... I don't shoplifting.

I want to know. You people, you. You drag me down. I saw a very weird thing the other day that I need to ask you. I have a feeling already without even mentioning it that I think Emily will be horrified when she hears this. I did a gig. You know, I'm still a stand-up comedian.

I'm not just sitting on my laurels here as a co-presenter on Saturday mornings. I've heard some names for them. I did a gig, and I was a sport act. How did it go? He was a visiting American guy, and I'd said, oh, I'll go on as support. Oh, I thought you just went right to his house. No, no, it's an American stand-up, and I went on as his support. And I was off stage at the back watching, and the bar venue guy had said,

oh, I'll bring you a burger when you come off. So he brought me a burger. I ate the burger, and loads of massive wedges, but I wasn't hungry enough. Unusually for me, I left the wedges, right? I'm not a fan of the wages. Huge the worst. They were huge. I don't, they're a bit work in progress for me.

They're neither a chip nor a baked potato. Yeah, that's the problem. And they leave the peel on and, you know, it's like, well, you know, I can't be bothered to the chips. That's just, I also have a tremendous urge to, to reconstruct the potato. Oh, Jenga style, yeah. Like a Terry's chocolate orange thing.

Like a big jigsaw. Yeah. It's my version of the 3D chess used to, Mr. Spot, used to play on Star Trek. Oh, yeah. My dream is to, from one bowl, put together a complete potato that fits perfectly together. That could have happened. Well, these were in a little basket.

You know, like, sometimes in gastropubs, you bring you, like, the little basket. A little bit of, a little bit of white, absorbent paper in there. Yeah, yeah. With a yellow grease stain. It sounds like it was a classy joint. Well, it was. And the burger was delicious. I'd finish the burger, and I left the remnants, like, leftover food.

out in the hallway and went back in to watch the rest of the show. And then I happened to glance as a fellow walked out to go at the toilet. And he stopped, took a look at my left over, and helped himself to a wedge. Complete stranger's food, and he ate it. And he didn't even, like, do a sort of look around over the shoulder. But you'd discarded it? I'd discarded it. But I, he didn't ask permission.

Can I ask, was he a punter? Yeah. Okay. I just wanted to know the information. You didn't think it was the big name of memory. I thought it might have been. I thought it might have been. He was like a pedestrian. He was walking past the food. I don't see anything wrong. I've done that in hotel corridor.

Have you really? I've taken a handful of chips. I have. I've taken a handful of chips from it. Oh my God, you haven't. They're put outside because they don't want them anymore. But someone's room service and they've put it out and left it? Yeah. Yeah, it could have been in Charlie Sheen's room. Do you know what could have happened to those chips? No, but I don't see anything wrong with it at all.

Oh, well, I feel like I've... You'd rather it was thrown away than another human being consumed in? I haven't got a preference. I just thought the rule was that you don't eat other people's leftovers unless you know them. No, but dressing room food is different. I always eat people's dressing room food. I like to get my money's worth in a hotel. I often sit in those armchairs in the corridors.

Oh, yeah. I like that. I'll just think a hell of a corridor. This might... I might have a bit of a base camp one experience. Sit and watch the world go by. Yeah. No, I'm all for...

A bit of, you know, saving food. My dad said if you throw bread on the coal fire, the devil comes to your house. Sure enough, Catherine Jenkins, died a kid. Dad, just down the road. So, you know, listen to me. Simon says,

leftover wedges in a nice pub is nothing. My skanky mate Rich ate half a burger off the street post club in Sheffield. Oh, yeah. To be fair, Simon is an Alsatian. My skanky mate, Steve, and Airdale. I love postclub in Sheffield. Yeah, I think if you eat burgers off the street,

you are ending up with the nickname, My skanky mate, so and so. Yes. But, you know, there used to be a saying when I was a kid that you eat a sack of dirt before you die. Oh, really? So you might as well get the hell on with it. Well, it's only if you wake up in the Central Reservation.

No, but people are so careful now about eating... super hygiene. Yeah, yeah. Robbish. Nobody's eating mud pies anymore. I had the 24-hour rule if we dropped any food on the floor. No problem.

Those chips I had, though, it was about 7 a.m. I was leaving my hotel room, and I hadn't had any breakfast, and there was a plate with, you know, there's the remains of a bit of tomato ketchup that's been done,

and what may well have been a burger, just a gap, and then, I don't think the bloke, or woman, had touched her, chip so yeah lovely cold here's what i'm interested in did you have to remove like a uh a napkin was there a napkin just plonked on top of the foods i know i think if you if you're moving a barrier yeah especially a napkin some people think i just blow me the house at the end of that no i don't i'm perfectly i've come out of it okay i love that bit in a restaurant when you say

do you want to try this yeah do you do that to a friend said you want to try this and then you try this and that moment when yours is clearly the nicest even though I love that and then you think I've got a whole plate full of this now and all I've done is teased you with him

yeah I love that triumph of choice it's never too early to plan your summer's story in Europe with WestJet from rolling countryside to cobblestone streets begin your next chapter book your seat at westjet.com or call your travel agent WestJet where your story

Story takes off. We've also had a tweet in because people can tweet the show. Did you know? Tweet away. They can tweet us on... What is it? At Frank on Absolute. Thanks.

This is from Maureen. Morin on 101, 11101, however it's called, from the advert that we play occasionally. I say occasionally. She says, Buzz looks so sweet and you very much hands-on. Great to see. Now, I know what that's the reference to. Yes, I should say that Buzz is my baby bull.

and I got papped. He had his first, well, he's had a bit of newspaper coverage, but his first photograph this week. Well, it wasn't just packed. You made it into what I call the column of shame. Yes, I did. On the Daily Mail Online. Daily Mail Online.

I love that. The column of shame. That's what it's called. Is it actually? Mm, that's what people call it. I don't think it's actually called that in the paper. No, in my head it is. Oh, I thought it was in the paper.

No, no. I thought it was like the circle of shame in the magazine. Or the walk of shame on, yeah. Oh, I'm very familiar with that. Week is Link. It is for the walk of show. But it's one of the little gossip squares, and there was a lovely picture, some lovely captions.

I thought I looked a bit grey. Oh, I thought you looked lovely. Strange captions. Doctor Walter, it said, repeatedly. Doctor Water, yeah. He's taken to it like a Doctor Water. Yeah, lovely. I thought, because I saw it in the paper and thought,

oh, Frank's wearing the outfit he had on last week. And then thought, oh, it probably was after the show. I have to admit it was the previous day. Oh, no way. Oh, my God. My showers are intermittent since I've become a father. Yeah, exactly. I'm glad that I was wearing a denim jacket, which I think is, I mean,

a 55-year-old man in paper with child and denim jacket. It's like, it's a midlife crisis. It's a bit Francis Rossi, but I was pleased. Can I say, though, I looked at that denim jacket and thought, oh, that looks a bit youth. And then I noticed there was a pen in the pocket. And the pen was the son-life insurance pen that Michael Parkinson says she could have free just for enquiring when he advertises death on daytime television.

So there was a fabulous mix of the art ones and the young in one outfit. I was pleased for that. I like that the denim, gingham combo got a picture to her posterity, because I like that. Not everyone can carry off, Gingham. No. It's me, Judy Garland. And one other Hollywood star, I can't know. Yeah, I can't.

And that's it. Kappa's on the phone. Yeah, my girlfriend, it's good that, because I'm carrying the baby in. the picture and she's on the phone and it looks like oh god he's you know his girlfriend's so media she's just it's just like it's just business as usual yeah yeah yeah she was actually phoning the doctor to see if she could come in and see him that morning about her gasto enteritis oh she'll love me for telling you that list doesn't make her sound all media anyway yes so did you watch the england game well i know you did yes i saw a

picture of you on Twitter. Yes, I watched it with David Badell at his house. And I haven't watched a game, an England game on telly with David Badele for a while, because we're usually at the tournament. I should have been at this tournament under the auspices of Absolute Radio, but I had a small child and decided it was impossible.

Oh, yeah. But it was... Well, you've taken to a parent I'd like a dock to water, haven't? I have. There's one example of them. I think I've taken to it more like a dock to the refuse left after an oil tank. It goes down.

I'm doing my best. I noticed one of the comments on the Daily Mail. Oh, no, you didn't. Oh, yeah, I had to look saying, he doesn't know how to hold him. He looks all awkward and nervous. I thought I've been doing this four weeks. Give us a chance.

And they are quite fragile. They are. They are. They might as well say, oh, that baby, he's only been around four weeks. He can't even use his net muscles properly. He has to have his head supported. I thought his head looked lovely, actually.

Oh, his head is lovely. Oh, he's got a lovely head. Can I just say on that? I'll just move it away from the football for a second. The story of me having a baby called Bos was covered in the tablet, which is a weekly Roman Catholic periodical I subscribe to. And the bloke in there, Christopher House, who wrote about it, took a very different line to the, he's a bit old, and it's a stupid name.

And he mentions that Boz's second name, Cody, is named after Buffalo Bill. And he said, this is a good Catholic connection, of course, because we all, he said, I'm sure Frank knows, which I didn't, was that one of the popes, I think it was somebody the 13th, Leo the 13th or something, went to see Buffalo Bill's Wild West Show in 1890, and he told the story of him. He said he was preceded by the Knights of Columbus,

and it was such an awe-inspiring spectacle the Pope arriving, that one squaw fainted, and rocky bear of the Sioux tribe fell to his knees and made the sign of the cross. Wow. Oh, see, that's how they cover these things. Anyway. Absolutely. So it was lovely around David Bedilson, until I spoilt it.

It was the first half. What did you do? Well, I saw the picture, because David... Well, it was all happy then. He tweeted a picture, and I commented, I said it looked a bit morning after the night of our civil partnership. He did look a bit like that. It did.

But we're very close. Yeah. I gained a lot of football followers, which was interesting. Oh, yeah. But it all looked like it was going swimming with. Well, the first half, because Iverberdeal was here as well, David's brother. Oh, yeah. And David's next door neighbour, Jeremy, came around.

And it was... Well, that's very sitcom. It was very non-machow football watching. In fact, we spent quite a section of the first half talking about breastfeeding. Nice. And it's attendant problems. And then at half-time, I am not making this up. We all went upstairs to look at some kittens.

I'm not making that up. Dave's daughter, Dahlie has got four kittens, so we all went up to look at them, pick them up and stuff. I was told never to do that. What? No, no, it's, well, I knew Dave. So it's all right.

If there's anyone listening, if anyone you don't know says, come to see some kittens. Yeah. Unless you recognise him from fantasy football. Which case, it's fine. That's caveat. By which case, you'll be old enough to look after yourself anyway.

Yeah, exactly. Now, you're suggesting when you say it was all good in the first half that things took a turn for the worst. Well, I had to go awry. You know, I've done this today before. Am I going to have to do an arthritic claw? I don't think. Anyway, what happened was that many years ago,

I don't know if I've told this before, but I was on my own at Christmas. I had split up with a girlfriend, and I was going to stay in and just have Christmas completely alone. And Dave said, no, no, I'm going to a Jewish Christmas dinner, which I thought was a bit mocking. But anyway, and he said, why don't you come?

And I said, well, I don't know any of the people. He said, I'll phone up and clear it up. And they're all very, very old school friends and stuff. And it was really nice that they had me in, you know, as a sort of yock at a Jewish gathering. And so I turned up, and we played that game. You know, when you put names in a hat with that, And then you have to try and communicate what the name is on the paper without saying anything.

And I got Gandhi. Right. And I said very, very famous Indian statesmen went on a lot of... Oh, see, I would have said international model. Yeah. Well, he was on a similar... I was saying very famous Indian went on longer strikes. And he was saying, sit in ball.

I said, no, no, no, Indian, as in from the subcontinent of India. And he's played by Ben Kingsley. And no, can't get it. No. Also known as Bar Poo. but nothing. And in the end, I called him an very abusive name.

The first word was thick, and the second word can also be used as a verb. But I don't know to spell it out for you. But honestly, it ruined the day. And then it wasn't quite so bad, but Ivabedil said this thing that people often say that there's no point in practising penalties

because it's a completely different situation on the night, which always really winds me up when people say that. because it's not true. You might as well say, I don't practice anything because it's not the same on the night. You know, cricket as might as, I'm not going to practice in batting because it's much more nerve-wracking when you're out there.

Robbish. Robbish. And so I said that's a very stupid thing to say. Oh, my God. You did not say that. I did say, well, I wouldn't say it was stupid. I said, no. Oh, I feel sick.

No, no. It is stupid. Oh. And it created a slight. He didn't. There was a tension in this. It will create an atmosphere if you call someone stupid. I ever had said to me earlier in the night,

oh, I had a couple of mentions on the radio show. And I said, yeah, they've all been very nice. But then I spot the whole thing. But I did apologise to him after, at the car. And I said, I'm sorry, I called, I said, I said, I said, I didn't actually call you stupid. I said you'd said a speak of me. I don't like at the car like, high noon.

You met outside. It's some strange. Men did their apologies in lamploid. At the car? But it was, yeah, I shouldn't. It was out of the top. Men do their apologies in lamplight. That should be a quote with your name under it

in one of those books of the differences of men and women. One of the daily male comments described me as a great orator. Did they? Which I enjoyed very much, whoever did that. They usually give that praise to Hitler, don't they? What the daily male do? Yeah, exactly. Dr. Water, Hitler.

He certainly was. You can't take that away from it. Didn't you have a goldfish for ages? Didn't I want to say that my goldfish lived for a long time, but you've got a really... Is it you? No, it's not me. Somebody I know had a goldfish that lived for 25 years.

Yeah, well, it was at me, all right? I like that you thought it might have been frank. I had the very opposite experience, isn't it? A woman moved in with me some years ago, and she brought her aquarium with lots of little tropical fishing, and for a bit of a lark, I was on Camden Market, and I saw some plastic tropical fish, and I thought, when I'll get off, and they put them in,

and, you know, that'll confuse her. And I did that, and the next morning every fish was dead. Oh, Frank. I never explained it, and she tearfully scooped them out. And I could see the plastic ones amidst the corpses, and they were never identified. I never have given the game away, actually. She might listen to this.

Well, not now. Just realise. I've just said it on air. Oh, God. I, um... What was I going to say? Oh, yeah. I don't know. We had a, we had, if you remember about two weeks ago, we had some free lollipops coming.

Yes, I do remember. Yeah, and I had about nine. And we had a text or an email from a lady called Mary Draynor. And who said, she was in the dental business. I remember reading it, yeah. She warned against the perils of the boiled suite and the lollipop. In a stern fashion, which I thought was a bit over the top. And I laughed, I mocked Mary's advice.

You did. I remember that too, yeah, yeah. Probably used it as a clip, didn't they? They might have used it as a trail since then. I hope not. That was our finest work. Because this week, I've spent virtually the whole week wrapped with tooth pain.

Oh, I've had two dental trips. Have you? I've had the injection in the gum, the filling. I've been on the paracetamols. Oh, dear. I've had me nude tooth painted by the... different dentist with some anti-sensitive. Is that why Daisy had that tip-ex out earlier?

You had a tooth painted? You couldn't tip-ex one of my teeth. It's been the wrong colour altogether. Mine need to be criticoted to match the others. So Frank, what is it you've got, darling? Is it a... Tough-Eck. Oh, my goodness.

See, that's the other problem. My pronunciation problem, I've always called it tough-eg. What? Have you actually? Tough-thack. Not pretending, you've called it tough. I've always called it toughache my whole life. Oh, I hate that.

That's what you're saying in the West Midlands, it's toughache. Oh, toothbrush. So this week, people have... Every time I've taken a paracetamil in company, they've said, well, what's the problem? I've got toughache, and they say, you've got what? And I've had to say it twice. Yes, because you sound on strange Neanderthal.

Oh, I don't... But why is my way wrong and their way right? But isn't it evidently wrong in that people aren't under... understanding you, the point of language. No, that's absolutely incorrect. You can't go through life. People often don't understand great. They didn't understand E equals MC squared. Yeah.

Yeah. Does that mean it was wrong? Which is very comparable to saying Tuftahe. In this context, I think it works exactly as an analogy. Here's the thing. Why don't you save a little bit of time on the repeated explanations of what you mean by Tuftake? By just starting to say too thick Because you can't teach an old dog no tricks

Oh come on Don't I know that You're never too old to learn Well but learn what It's too thick It's a double O The clues in even the writing of the word It's not TU

I want about wood You wouldn't say wooed Wouldn't you I don't get woodache That's something all together I can't believe This is the worst It's 10 past 8.

Conversation you've ever had. It's not the worst conversation I've ever had. Not by a very long chalk. There's something fabulously 1970s about having two things. There you got. You did it? What? See, it can be done.

You've won't be over. I agree with you. No one really suffers from that anymore. No, because people prevent nowadays. People get it sorted, darling. Yeah, I thought I like to wait, I mean, I get to the dentist. Yeah.

Anyway, Mary, if you're... listening, I apologise, you were right, I should not have touched those lollies. Although, ironically, although they were packed with sugar, I've lost about £3 this week because I couldn't eat hardly anything because I've had so much pain. I'm thinking of bringing out a book called the tough egg diet. Well, people will be rushing to buy that. What we have to do is get tough ach and the next thing, you know. Frank, I don't think it's anything to do with the lollies. May I gently suggest that it might

be to do with the fact that you didn't brush your teeth to you about 15? Yeah, but that was then and this is now, as I think was the total of the Emilio Estabest of us film. Apparently I had decay under my filling. So they had to take out the filling and then get rid of the decay. And now I've got hot pulp, right, which I think is a 70s funk compilation album. It means that my nerve is, oh, you don't want to hear this.

I quite do, actually. Yeah, Mary is at home now opening a bottle of champagne. It's time of the morning With the biggest I told you so look Anyone's ever had ever Thank you do more Olympics because I love it I actually loved it Did you love it?

It melted my cynical Bitter black cold fashion heart And I loved it I think that's great I tell you what Frank I want to meet the man in the meeting Who said I know why don't we get the Queen's parachute down

With James Bond Because he's a genius Well Well It sounds good It's great Sounds great. It was the actual queen. The queen actually did a lie.

She did a line. The queen has basically been in a Bond film. That's cool. The Queen said, good evening, Mr. Bond. That was cool. It was great. Of course, by that stage, I was already thinking, watch your cleaners, love.

He's always on the lookout for... Oh, yeah, fine. For rustling cleaners. Well, you've had previous. Yeah, David, can I say Daniel Craig? He took my cleaner away. If you don't listen to this program regularly. And there was a speck.

We couldn't believe. I believe that the Queen had done a line. I don't think anything's ever happened like that in the history of the royal family. From the very, very... Great-booking. Great talent booking. I think... Yes, you've got equity minimum, I believe.

I think William the Concorded did a two-inch section on the Bayhur tapestry. That's the closest itself. But it was so amazed. And then they got into the helicopter. It was going, the Queen, the Queen actually spoke. And then, of course, my girlfriend says, oh, there's our house. And, of course, it's always the biggest seat, the most excited in you ever. see on tellies, your own house.

Nothing like it. You can keep your Google Earth. So it was all downhill for you from there on in, was it? I thought the whole thing was... Oh. It had brilliant bits in it and then bits when I thought, oh, this is a bit... Oh, I already know a bit that I think you would have liked. What was there? Because as I said, I started watching around the NHS bit.

Yes. Quite soon after that jetpack. There was a jetpack. Were they on strings? Or were they real jetpacked? No idea. I thought I saw strings. So I was looking at thinking Frank's punch in the air now because there's a jetpack on the celly.

And also, and they hadn't tied it in with the James Bond thing, of course. No. No. I ever saw the jet pack. Hey, the ABFC had a good seat, didn't he? He was right behind the Queen and a peach sateen. That was his big chance to make a speech about the way society has ignored the poor and stuff. I didn't do it.

Just joined in with everybody else. I'm generally speaking, I didn't enjoy it. I'm going to be strong. Really? Oh, Frank. No, Frank. I thought it was like a school play. No, Frank. I'm sorry.

Because I liked that it wasn't... What about the pop music bit with the texting and all that? And the terrible dancing. That was a bit teenagers in Littlewood, Dad. I agree. It was a bit Danny thinking, we need another ten minutes. Let's just jump about to some 70s hits like a school... It wasn't just 70s?

Dizzy Rascal came out and did a bit. Oh, Mr. Rascal! Did he? Couldn't cope with any other. Oh, I liked that. And I really liked the... I suppose you preferred Mike Oldfield in his sat- suit's on his own. There's an old show business saying, don't that a heterosexual do a dance

routine? And that's his. Consequent. It felt like it had been done by a heterosexual. It was a bit... I like the purgo in punks. And the villagers, you know, the rustic villagers walking about. The brutal lot rooting of rural Britain, are you referring to? Yeah, but you see, anyone who's been to the countryside knows that that's a good thing. So I'm not going to bemoan the industrial revolution. We wouldn't, we wouldn't have got the Olympics if we were still a rural society, were we? Would we? No. Would we, were we? Well, it wasn't in the middle of nowhere, was it?

Like Mitt Romney's Olympics slam from Cameron. What about Mr. Bean, Frank? Mr. Bean, doing the same routine. He's been doing for 40 years. Frank? You don't ruin my Olympics? On an arguably bigger stage, actually, no. He's massive in it. I'm sorry. And did you see Bex on the boat?

I know we keep discussing it, but I can't get it out of my head. I told you I went to bed at Ghana. Hey, Frank, do you know who I felt sorry for was France? It was like they were smiling at an ex's wedding. It's the face I've done at an ex's wedding. They didn't want to be there. No. I must have cried during the NHS thing.

Did you? And I said, one time I got emotional, and I said to Kath next to me, I said, you know, that for all our military achievements and that, this is what this country should be most proud of, the NHS. Yeah, but then there was a man in a black cloak over the beds, which I didn't like. What was that? And then Kat said to me, well, you go private most of the time.

I said, no, you have to spoil everything. Why do people do that? So, no. There used to be a bloke who managed the comedy store, and every day and again, somebody would walk off stage and meets massive applause at the end of their act, and he'd turn and say, didn't work for me.

That was me last night. It's cold, Franks, radio days, I don't know days as a stupor, and me days as in a seven for the week, So this is a take not a blooper.