The Frank Skinner Show - Frank's Catchphrase

Episode Date: November 21, 2025

Pierre is away so the team are joined by Steve Hall! Frank has had tea with the Poet Laureate and Steve has been to a rare bookshop in New York. There's also more train liars, a familiar sounding orchestral scoring and a correction many of you spotted. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It's Frank off the radio, featuring him and that posh ladyo, and the one with the French name who from South Africa came, they're all here open brackets, array, close brackets, today. Dun dun da-da-da-da-da-da-lun, dun-da-da-lun, dun-da-da-lan. This is Frank off the radio. I'm joined by Emily Dean, and guess what, Steve Hall is with us today. I know what you're thinking. Don't bully him this. I'm Frank. I'm not going to.

Follow the podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via Frank off the radio at Avalonukk.com. As for WhatsApp. That was from Nicholas Hemingway, the pen man. Oh, we love him. So, I don't if I told you that my child, who I think is going to be a professional comedian, he was saying to me about the BBC being sued by Donald Trump.

Did I mention that? And he said, this week he said to me, I don't know, he said editing Donald Trump to say something, terrible. He's like editing Hitler to make it look like he's doing a Nazi salute. He said, why not just use him doing a Nazi

cell? And I thought, I'd use that on stage. That's terrific. And you will, Oscar. So proud. Oh. Oh, yes. You were singing Grangell, I noticed earlier. Yes, Grainchill, that theme,

da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-l. It's got a distinction, which I'm not aware of any other TV theme ever had. What is this? Because I was saying to Frank, I danced to that in a gay club once. It was the greatest night of my life. What is the distinction? The distinction

is there was also a TV show with Lionel Blair called Give Us a Clue. And it's had the same theme tune. They were on at the same time. It wasn't exactly the same was. It was similar. It was exactly the same theme tune. Really?

Now, do you think someone would have, There's no copyright. I just wondered if they use library music. No, they must have put some differences in there. I'm sure I'm just... Really? Was it a tune that already existed and they've just... It wasn't bespoke written.

That's a complicated philosophical thing. Maybe all tunes already existed. Because the theme tune to kickstart. At the end, I'll give us a clue. They didn't end on a cliffhanger of, oh, no, McCluskey. which was the greatest thing that happened. If they got Gwyneth Powell to be on. Who played McCluskey, by the way.

I think that's how they end the meeting of the trade union Congress. Oh, no, McCluskey. They're out now, now. Is that the noise that when the BBC learned they were being sued by Trump? Just Tim Davy looks to the camera. It's too late for him to look to camera. I'm afraid. I feel sorry for all the people that start to him.

He has to look to pot plant as it goes into his brown collar. But imagine if you were somebody who'd really, really sucked up to him. That would be annoying now, wouldn't you? Oh, to Tim David. Yeah, because the boss, I'm just saying when a boss leaves, it's a bit annoying all the hours. Those kind of boxes are they? They're not there, are they? Oh, are they not?

I think he's too high to be there. Oh, okay. Too high to be there. That's the title of my new memoir. I say my memoir. The best of Sid Barrett. I, I know, I watched the clips back. We put clips out every week, Steve,

and if you know this, I'm desperate attempt to get more people. And there was one of me saying, talking about how people, ugly people like me, find it difficult to hear people who look like Lily Allen saying, talking about being dumped and whatnot. I think you could refer to her as a 10 and you said threes like me. I don't think I've ever scored anyone ever. She is very... No, that's a compliment, but you give yourself a three.

I think you call yourself a three. I thought when I watched it back on that clip, I could see in my face a longing for you or Pia to say, I don't think you're all right. Nobody said it. It was one of the few things I've sat on this show and had no dispute. Fantastic.

The one time. At last, at last we broke. The elephant in the room has been released. Do you know what? I think it's nice when you can all agree on some of the things. If I had an elephant in the room, I'd want it to be on one of those whole circus stalls. They have to stand up. Oh, and I'd want it in a two-two.

Oh, yeah. Oh, I'm walking. I do follow those. You've got a tutu, didn't you? Yeah, I didn't even get that. Oh, you didn't get that? So the elephant's got better grade than you did. Of course, their memory in exams.

Oh, Frank. I do enjoy those. Those social media, I do follow the Frank off the radio Instagram page, because the last time it was on, The caption they put it's because you talked about being interviewed by the Sun and the captions played across it said the Sun interview with Steve Hall and it made it, I had people phoned me up going, you haven't sold out.

Oh, why didn't say that? Because I was the guest because I was filling in. Oh, okay. We're not involved in any of that. So obviously the level drops. Frank. You know, I used to be like the showrunner in the old days across everything. But no, I just think.

Oh, but that was fun. I just think. Oh, I'll just accept that that'll be six out of ten that area. It's your next, but autobiography can be called That'll Do. By Frank Sinner. That'll do. I remember Brian Moore saying that once when England scored a goal. That'll do, one-nil.

Oh, anyway. What about outside world? Let's start with the voice of the people, Vox Populi. The Voice of Reason. Who was the voice of reason? It was Woodrow Wyatt, wasn't it? Was it? Did you remember him?

He had a column in the news of the world. Wonder if Woodrow Wyatt used to buy Wolverhampton Wander's merch and claim he'd add personal insignia made on Saville Row? Even though, he was, it's a bit posh for that, wasn't he? Andy and Linfield has got in touch. I was listening recently to the segment

about Frank witnessing a liar on the train. Frank talked. They claim to be in a restaurant. Exactly. I can't talk now. I'm in a restaurant. Yeah, he was a terrible liar. I once passed through Kings Cross St Bankras and my attention was drawn to a very loud man

talking in a condescending tone on the phone, saying, well guess what? You couldn't have seen me at Kings Cross just now because I'm at Liverpool Street. I'm not sure if there's a connection between the railway environment and male deception, but I'd be keen to get funding to run a study. All the best.

All the lies that go on, Frank. That's a rubbish lie, isn't it? To replace it with another railway station. Which isn't even that far away. It depends how old this conversation is because there was a time that a man on his own being seen at King's Cross could mean that he was in business.

He wasn't going to a trendy cafe for Palenta back there. He's deflected his infidelities by claiming he's at a different train station. Yeah. Gateway to the Fens, Liverpool Street. That's what they called it. The cat flap to Clacton. Paul Thomas Walsh has also got in touch.

Okay. He sounds like an American actor. He does. He does. He says, Frank spoke recently of the cost of his first pint of mild back in the day. And he said it cost one and eight. Sorry. Yeah.

He says, or pre-decimal points, as Pierre memorable put it. Oh, did he? I miss that. Imagine my surprise. Pierre left, by the way. No, he's not. He's doing one of his business. He's a way on business. Yeah, he's being successful.

Yeah, he's a way on business, Frank. Okay. Someone told me he left. Left what? This? Who told you he left? Anyway, never mind. Perhaps we shouldn't discuss this on air.

I mean, Frank, if he has, which I don't think he has, why are you raising it in the middle of me? We created Schrodinger's Pierre. Oh, very good. Very good. I don't get it, but I know it's clever. And that's good enough for me. Paul Thomas Walsh says,

imagine my surprise when watching an old episode of Downtown. I love it when people say, imagine my surprise. Imagine my surprise. That's where people say, I am reminded off. After the dinner, Peter. It's always Peter Eustonoff. Imagine my surprise when watching an old episode of Downton Abbey

set in 1917, that year again, 1917. Someone was paying for a drink in the pub and the barman said, one and eight, please. It can't have been that much in 19. No, people got that are a week. Quite the historical continuity figure is off, Frank. Well, there you go. One and eight.

in downtown abbey frank When is it set? Well in this episode was 1917 No That would have bought You could have got drunk With three friends In 1917

That's bad writing is what I'm saying Julian fellows You've got some explaining To do fellows Exactly You know why Because Julian fellows only knows The posh stuff

He doesn't know What the horny-handed Sons of Toil I remember When just before Decimalisation It went up to One and nine

And there was a bit of a kerfuffle about it. I don't know why I find pre-desimalisation so funny about it. We were so worried about it, you know. Everyone said, oh, nothing will work anymore and all that. The planes would drop out of the sky. That was a millennium bog.

Brexit, millennium bog. Oh, do you remember? Did you worry about millennium box? Well, they got us to be afraid of it. It felt like civilisation could grind to a halt at any room. So our calendars went to zero and planes would drop out the sky. Mandelson wandering around looking stressed Oh we shouldn't mention him

That would be less likely to happen Wouldn't be if he was unapplied And it said actually I wouldn't mind a beer Okay that'll be one and a Oh no Actually it's Oh God to plumb it into the earth Who do you most associate with the millennium

I associate Peter Mandelson He's up there yeah Why? I don't know Because when I think of Millennium Who comes to mind I think of all that Domeville

Yeah, and because the dome had been such a disaster. And that was one of those first things under Blair, where it started getting more and more expensive. I associate with Eric Clapton for reasons I explained recently that we saw in the Millennium together on stage. That's pretty amazing. I love that story. And also Andy Fairweather Low was up there as well. What's he like as a friend?

It was friendly enough. Yeah. Very lovely stuff. Very lovely stuff indeed. I caught him on a good day. Did you? Okay. I don't like these gaps.

If you're going to read somewhere out, Steve, read something out. And I mean, now. It's because my phone went to screensaver. I mean... This is the worst 20 seconds we've ever... Have you come here to scopper this podcast? What about when I knocked a drink over just before we started to record? I know. I said five times.

I don't put drinks on the dashboard. who I'd be a call of things. And also be careful and then Steve not won over. That to me was rebellion. But what did you say earlier at the beginning? You weren't going to bully him. No, I'm not going to bully him.

If he doesn't read this thing soon, I'm going to actually leave. He still isn't reading it. Do you want me to do it? You know, strictly. And they start off doing like a bit of acting and they're sitting in a cafe reading the nose bypass. And you think, when are you going to start dancing? When are you going to start dancing, Steve?

Well, we've had a correctione. That was... Oh, thank God. We're back in the show. Perhaps the dance... You can just nip that gaping chasm of embarrassment out. It's not as bad. Do you think everything's so much worse than it is, Frank?

Right, come on then, Steve. So, this is from Marianne in East London. She said, regarding the last podcast, Frank asked if the theme to the Living Daylights, the Bond film, was sung by Duran Duran. Emily said she loved it when Frank got that stuff right. Oh, sorry, it's a bit patronising. No, it's fine. And Marianne points out it was actually A-ha, not Duran-Juran.

And apparently many people have contacted the show. Oh, we've had so many people. It's like it's the worst thing we've ever done. And I, for one, know I've done a lot of worse. Right. But people have, they're up in arms about it, Frank. Oh, dear. I didn't know.

They really care about James Bond. People do care about James Bond. And aha. No, I think they do. I used to live next to the lead. Walter Harcett. Are you joking? I know, actually, I live next to Hoxton Market.

Sorry. No, but you did have tears for fears. Wasn't there? You live next door to there? No, David Burdine. He bought their house. What's he called? Roland Orsabel.

Roland Orsabell. Remember him? He bought his flat. There was two tears for Fizz, curly hair and Kurt. And Roland Osabelle was curly hair. Kurt? Yeah, the other one was called Kurt. Oh, I thought he wasn't Kurt. By nature.

Oh, I see. No. That's what they called you and David. Oh, well, thanks for that correction. So that was the living daylight. Is the living day like the one with Grace Jones? That was viewed to a kill. That's view to a kill, yeah.

Which was the Duran Duran. Oh, see, I got so confused. We did it. I mean, people have been, you know, they understand that to air is human, to forgive divine, but they're still upset with us. Yeah. I don't know if they should be defending that organ of vile sexism, James Bond. I loved it when Victoria Corrin came on your show, Frank,

and she really laid into James Bond. Was it one and one and one? She did. On those grounds. And I wouldn't let James Bond in. And I felt I woke up next morning, rattled with guilt. And I found her up and said, you know what, I should have let James Bond in. I'm really sorry about that.

She did. She made me re-evaluate him entirely. My niece, who's 11, has got obsessed with Bond recently. And it's been watching them all the way through. But it's apparently insane to my brother, like, oh, he doesn't treat women very well. Yeah, I tried watching him with boss. But I thought, I don't really, these are not the lessons. I want him to learn.

Yeah. Oh, really? Violence and sexism. He can learn that. The boss stop. I don't have to sit and watch it on the telly. Some execs want Gen AI everywhere. Others think it's basically a shredder for intellectual property.

And your people? Yeah, they're already using it. Okay, picture this. Someone paste the Q4 strategy doc and client list into a free AI tool, and it's no longer yours. Harmonic security warns people before. or they paste in sensitive data. So you can say yes to Gen A.I

and still protect what matters most. Visit harmonic.security before your cram jewels, end up in a chatbot. What's Steve been up to? Well, so since I last saw you, when I saw you last, I was just about to go to New York City. New York City? For three weeks.

NYC. A place to live. I love that. I feel like I'm in 1977. Good. Did you go? with your wife? Yes, a wife and kids.

Well, then you have lied to me. When was on tour, you said you and your wife took separate holidays? Oh, we normally do. We do a lot of separate holidays or she goes to conferences. That's not a holiday, isn't it? Unless conferences is a small seaside resort in Kent. Well, the cats are at a conference. What's the mice up to?

Exactly. This was the one we talked because we were dog sitting for three weeks. Oh, yes, I remember. It was the cross between a poodle and a Bernese mountain dog. Oh, what's that? What, do you know what that's called? It was called a Burner Doodle. Okay. And his name was Bernie.

There's so many that end in Oodle now, isn't there? Yeah, yours is a poo, isn't it? Not an Oodle? Mine's a poo. Apparently a lot of them, because poodles are very easy to train, apparently. So if you incorporate some poodle in the mix, it makes for a better-natured dog. But while we're in New York City,

I visited the Strand Bookstore for an event. And the event was taking place in the rare books room. of Strand books, which has been there for a hundred years. Oh God, you didn't have a glass of water in there, did you? My wife had phoned ahead. Don't let him carry anything. Yeah, I don't have a bucket of water. I think it's next to you, waiting for the fire.

But while we were, I was, before the event started, I was nosing through the, they're all in glass cabinets, the expensive books. And I saw a book. You're not going to say they had my autobiography. Not quite. Oh, come. They had. Can I just say, sorry to interrupt. stop Steve, but is it quite famous the Strand Book Store?

Is it like a... I don't. Steve said it as if it was famous. I'm just going with it to seem like I mean... Oh, yeah. Apparently, it's the last... I'd not heard of it. It's the last survivor. They used to have this whole thing called Book Row.

And this is the last surviving one. So people are sort of proud of it, because it's been there a hundred years. It boasts 18 miles of books. Okay. And it wasn't quite your autobiography, but priced at $300 from 1935 was Frank Skinner's new method of orchestra scoring. Ah, yes. Well, when I interviewed Alice Cooper once,

and he was, he started off by saying, I'm doing this show because your name's Frank Skinner. He's obsessed with old black and white horror films, which Frank Skinner was the main musician behind. So he did all those Bella Lagosian, Carloff and all those, yeah. Yeah, I was looking at his, amongst the things that Frank Skinner scored, because he did

Abbott and Costello meet Frankenstein and My Little Chickadee, the WC Fields. Oh, okay. Oh, we love WC Fields. Some strange ones, one called We've Never Been Licked, another one called Ride the Pink Horse. I might have known you would select that one.

Of all the films, you choose those two. Ride the Pink Horse ought to be a thing, though, Lee. You're going to ride the pig horse on Friday, Gary. Mind your own business. Now, no, no, no. You would, and your, it's not,

I associate with you, it's not your book, but Frank Skinner's book was just next to a signed book by Wyatt Earp. Wow. Wow. That was about $2,000. Wyatt Earp is one of those blokes that, you can't quite fathom when he was around because he was proper Wild West. Go and fight OK Corral and all that.

But he also, he refereed one of the heavyweight championships of the world. I don't understand. Was he a cowboy or something? Yeah. Yeah, he was that. Well, he wasn't a cowboy, so he's a Wild West. He's one of those people whose reputation has kind of been, it's a bit of a legend. So he apparently got arrested for pimping quite a lot.

Did he? What did he do? He's like Wild West influence. Or influencer or something. Yeah. Yeah, his brother, his brother was a marshal. Morgan. Morgan, yeah.

And... Why did the coward Robert Ford come into it then? That's Jessie Jane. Oh, okay, that's different. I don't know Wild West people. I love the Wild West. I know. You've always loved the romance of it.

You're very taken... That dirty little coward who shot Mr. Howard and put poor Jesse in his grave. So Howard was the... the false name that Jesse James was using. Oh, okay. So I got very excited about, very excited about, and the reason I'd gone to this event was that my wife had bought a ticket to a signing and a talk from an author.

She was really excited to see. Then on the day, she said, oh, look, I'm not feeling very well, but I really want to pick up the sign book, so can you go instead? So I sort of happily went, and I didn't really pay attention to what it was. I've heard some elaborate ways of getting Steve all out the way. why but that is a classic I mean that's brilliant I'd be very anxious about that I'd come back a bit early

just to have her look around so it turned out so I didn't properly look at the ticket until I arrived at the event and it was a book launch it was the memoir by Keely Hazel the former actress and former page 3 model and the book was called Everyone's Seen My Tits

and I accept that in life I bring an unintentionally sinister quality to most of what I do. I've accepted that I have just a sort of weird face. Another elephant released. Do you know what? It's getting a lot of room in and out. Stretch my legs a bit more. I feel cleansed after that.

Yeah. Thank God. We don't need to say it behind his back anymore. Because apparently she'd written on, she was in inspiration one of the characters in Ted Lassow, so that's why my wife wanted to. I was going out with Jason Sude Lakers, who's the star of Ted Lassau. I've never seen Ted Lassau. It was one of the more awkward hours.

A great review. Five stars, The Guardian. Only for Old Thro. It's one of the more awkward hours of Keely Hazel's life. What one? Me sat on the front row. Were you on the front row? No, no. I thought, would this be funny to sit on the front row? And before it started, I better move.

You can't go to a talk of a book called Everyone's Seen My Tits. it on the front of the van. And this is the book. Why did you buy a copy of it, Steve? This was already bought. So with the ticket, you buy a signed copy. But for the people listening, it has a cartoon pair of breasts. Stop showing it to us, Steve.

And it's signed as well. And she's signed with a little pair of boobs as well. But again, she was person. I bet the producer's husband ordered a copy of that. Because he's a birdwatcher. It could. It's an easy. mistake.

For God's sake. Oh, he's got a podcast and everything. What's he called again? Rock and Roll, Birdwatcher. Matt's Fracklin. Matt's Bracklin. This is like a late night to Ronnie's or something. I've never heard of Keely House.

So when she says everybody, I might not be in the group. I seriously doubt that. Where did she air them in the sun? It was on the sun quite a bit. But this is off, because you packed it in when you turn 50. That's all that sort of business. I feel important.

say as a woman, that she has written this, she's sort of reclaiming it, we should say. Yes, we all know the old reclaiming. Oh, it's not the old reclaiming, it's valid, Frank. And I think she, so to be fair to her, I can understand why she's written this book. Yes. And I don't

think she wrote it with the intention of Steve Hall, slathering in the front row, Frank. Well, there's no pictures in the book, is that? No, I mean, that's the first thing I checked that I'm past. My wife says it's genuinely good read. Is it?

My wife liked it. I bought the pop-up. Frank. God's sake. I was tempted to buy Frank Skinner's method of orchestra scoring to cover up the awkwardness. I made that sound like orchestra scoring. Yeah, you did. Even that sounded like trying to pull young women in the string section.

I don't know if you've ever pulled a young woman in the strict section, but they certainly squeal. Oh, anyway, so well. She, um, interesting woman? She was brilliant. She was really, really impressive. And it's good on you, Hazel. Because she's proper, she's proper working class. So she was, too, it was quite interesting talking about how she's been patronised for, you know, pretty much every moment of her. And was the majority of the people that, was it mainly male or female?

It was mainly female and mostly, yeah. So that made it doubly, doubly awkward. But he's an ally, isn't he? I think he is an ally in. You're both allies. Yeah. I'm Enoch. A-K, A-K and A-Ly, the Black Country Double Act.

Do you know what we talked about those? I'll show you some cartoons of A-Nock and A-Ly. Saying, oh, I've got myself a B, a B, that's a funny pet. I took me for a walk this morning, but the part was shut. Stuff like that. I don't know if we've never mentioned on here, but I did a podcast with a... the poet laureate.

Did you, Frank? Yeah, it's currently available. I will listen. It's called the Poet Laureate is in his shed. Oh. And Simon Armitage is the Poet Laureate. So I had to go up to Wakefield, which, as you may know, is part of the rhubarb triangle.

Did you know that? Less said about that about that. Yeah, exactly. Which I think is a chapter in Keely Hazel's book. Really? Yeah, Forced Rubarb. That's her story. Oh, is Wakefield where the Doctor Who lady's from?

No, I've got that wrong, Jodie Thingy. No, I think she's from Huddersfield. Nearby. Okay, Yorkshire. I think she's from Huddersfield. Okay. So it's less dramatic than the Bermuda Triangle. But it's quite a big deal.

I think it's the biggest provider of Forced Rubab in Europe. That's an enormous... Forced. Yeah, forced. I like my rhubarb to consent. Well, they're different up north. They're still catching up. No, what it is, is that if rhubob grows in a garden

and you put a tube around it and all that sign of stuff. But forced rhubob, they grow in darkness to make it grow quick. I believe, what about this? It's harvest. by candlelight. How romantic. I love that, don't you? It is beautiful. It makes it sound like the rhubarb has had some sort of Oliver Twist,

like upbringing where it doesn't see a shred of daylight and then suddenly... I don't think Oliver Twist didn't see a shred of daylight, did it? No, no, not the daylight, but, you know, he had an unhappy childhood. You're thinking of the kid in the under the stairs, cupboard that occasionally used to be in the newspaper or hadn't been laid out of all. No, but he was kept in appalling condition, you want to imagine.

Yes. Indeed. But as I've said before, a marvellous example of nature over nurture because he grew up in workhouses but still said, I say, I think I'll be very unfair. Amazing. Whereas Paddington is on a platform for 30 seconds and starts saying, hello, Mr. Where's his accent gone? Incredible. I only like Oliver Twist when he gets, when he meets the nice benefactor. I don't like the other. I like it when he starts... Oh, I like him with Fagin. No, I like it when he's like, Good day, sir. I like it when he gets, you know, things work out for him. I like when he's befriended by the Dodger.

Yeah. And all that. So tell me what happened in the shed with the Poet Laureate. Yeah, so he's, for a start off, he's sponsored by Yorkshire Tea. Hint, hint, hint. I went in his kitchen. There's a poet laureate.

He got like 30 boxes of Yorkshire tea. Because we drink it during the podcast, that's the thing. I love the poet laureate getting involved in the old farm. You have to sort of product place it. This Yorkshire tea is delicious. Does he write poems about Yorkshire tea? I don't think he does. But see, it was one of those things where, you know, I'll drink tea all day.

So we bonded over the tea. I approve of that, though, Yorkshire tea putting money into the arts. Get on them. Oh, yeah. So what was he like, Frank? Did you get on with him? Why, he was lovely. We had a slight gripe with him that he'd done this thing.

When he became Professor of Poetry at Oxford, he talked about poetry nights. He said, and then you get the stand-up comedian gets up with their truisms and their banal remark. And I thought, oh, all right. So I mentioned that on my... I would have literally thrown up. I mentioned that of my poetry podcast.

and he heard it. Oh my God, this is the most awkward thing I've ever heard in my life. This is a showdown. No, so he started by saying, no, to be fair, and it's very sweet. He said, I have an apology to me. Did he? He said, I don't know why I said that stuff. Something must have happened that week or something like that.

What did you say? Well, I was very pleased. I'm very good at accepting an apology. It was a proper apology. It wasn't one of these. Sorry, you feel that way. He flipped the knuckle-busters off your hand. It's not what I call a mortgage apology when people apologise so they can keep working.

I think he did. He meant it. Yeah, it was nice. And he gave me a section of the eucalyptus tree in his garden, upon which he had written some of a translation of the epic Gilgamesh, which he's working on at the moment which he said I think this is right for a stand-up comedian and it was all about like going into battle

and being courageous and all that and it's written on this big chunk of tree so I don't know I'm on the train how amazing but best of all he said I'll give you a lift to the station in the Laureate Mobile which was great and we had a long chat

I told him about You know, one of the reasons I did comedy full time when I did is because I worked at a, I won't go into this whole story, it's in my autobiography, it's available in any good charity shop, two quid. It's not just charity shop, Frank, don't put it down. But anyway, it's on Amazon. But anyway, it's someone had sex with the college goat. And that resulted in me making a remark to one of the states.

which she protested about and so I had to leave they didn't renew my contract that's become my catchphrase what was the remark you made what were you in support of it or condemning it it was you know this was in people forget I think that in the 80s

people going about woke and that now but in the 80s it was pretty full on then kids think they invented it kids you're talking about the goat again so she's very fine Now, this was a full growth. It'd have been a kid, we'd have... Frank.

There'd have been a lynch mob. Anyway, this bloke had gone in and had sex with the goat. And the caretaker, who owned the goat, said to me, well, we can't use the milk anymore. I'm not drinking milk after X has had sex with her. And I said it, I was saying to this woman on the staff, it's not often, is it that you hear someone has sex with a goat? They're worried about what the goat might have caught.

And she said, well, it's typical, isn't it? The victim actually gets the blame in these. Well, the goat. And I said, you should start a goat support group, which I don't think was a particularly controversial thing, but she went and complained. So I had to leave, and I just turned to comedy. Right.

And Simon Armitage was cracking up hitting the car and saying, just think we wouldn't be driving here now if someone hadn't shagged that goat. So it's such a poetic thought. When I first started comedy Oh God, what's he going to confess now? Well, never mind what you've just confessed. I didn't want to go.

Well, I hope not. There was a bloke. The reason I'm Steve Hall, I'd always been Stephen Hall. But there was a story, there was a bloke called Stephen Hall, who was caught by a train full of people having sex with a goat in a field. And for some reason, five or six different comics, they had material about it, but they would always name-check the blokes. They'd go, did you read about this bloke called Stephen Hall? And then the compere, the next act, would go, now please welcome to the stage, Stephen Hall.

Oh, no. And I'd have to go, it honestly wasn't me. Yeah. Did you know this, Frank? Yeah, I didn't know it wasn't him. I've been telling people it was you for years. That's why he likes working with you. Yeah, exactly.

I thought, keep getting him on the podcast. Eventually, he's going to spill the beans on that goat incident. I never spilled my beans on a goat. No, I'm glad to hear it. Do you know what, that laureate bloke is a nice friend for you, Frank? Do you think you'll stay in touch? I don't think so. He lives in Wakefield.

Well, what do you mean? There's modern communication. You've got rhubarb on demand. Yeah. Rubarb on demand was that show I used to do on iPlay. I know that's Frankskin on demand. I love that show. Shame they don't do it anymore.

No, I think you're fine. They didn't renew my contract. Hey, applause for the catchphrase. It's like the fast show. If I'd have been on the fast show, that was on the end every sentence. Here he is, contract, man. Yay.

Hey, frat in the street. Frank, have they renewed your coach? Yeah, yeah, all right. All right. Oh, man, you've got to have a catchphrase. My catchphrase now on stage accidentally has become, what was I talking about?

Oh, man, it's tragic. Oh, the... I wish they'd have merchandise for contract renewal mad. Like dolls. Yeah. With me opening an email. I don't think I even got an email. Anyway, it's fine.

There's, you know, one door shots and then another door shots. And then the poor Collis comes down. Yeah, exactly. It's Frank off the radio. It's the Frankskinner podcast, don't you know. Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via Frank Off the Radio at Avalonuk.com.