The Frank Skinner Show - Frank's Going To Change His Name

Episode Date: May 25, 2026

Frank and Emily are joined by Steve Hall! Frank has been to the open air theatre and Steve's got a new kitten. If you want to message the show email us on [e-mail] or Whatsapp us on 07457 417 769. We're currently sponsored by BT - behind brilliant things! Search 'Why BT' to find out more or click on the following link: https://www.bt.com/broadband/why-bt Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Wayfair, every style, every home. It's Frank off the radio. It's the Frankskinner podcast, don't you know? Renada, you've got me under your spell. Sorry, I was just found in my TV rental. person. This is Frank Off the Radio. I'm joined by Emily Dean and Steve Hall.

Follow the podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via Frank Offter Radio tavel on UK.com. What's up? What's up? What's up, Nick? Oh, come on. I'm pressing the...

I got up. Radio gold every time laugh so strong They should be a crime Yeah That's what it is on the end I was thinking of changing my name By deed poll

To Jim Pansy Do you know At first I was going to say Oh my God But I actually love it Jim Pan Z It's a brilliant Also just that pause

And you go Oh this is my friend Have you met him Jim Yeah exactly Pan Z When you walk into Mr Pansy, there was a message for you. Oh, yes.

What was it? They said, oh, that would be such a great. You know, I use false names on the road. Yes, you do when you check into hotels. Yeah, I was... I love that tradition. I think there's something very old-school Hollywood about it.

I was Milton Keynes for two hotels, but they just didn't buy it. It was too well now. I had a famous... Light and Busset, I've been. Have you been Laten Buzard? Oh, Frank. That's some of you. There was an agent, comedy agent who had, before he'd become a comedy agent, he'd changed his name by Diedpot and his name was Joe King.

Oh, okay. He was a really good agent to be fair to him, but he'd come up with that name like a good 15 years before he worked in comedy. So when people met him, they said, you must be joking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think he sort of slightly regretted the rod he'd crafted for himself. Oh, Rod was the middle name. Did he write a book? Only Joe King. I think they could, I see.

Rod Forrestbach. Forrestback, don't sound like to say. Forrest back. It sounds ridiculous. They're German. Do you know my German friend, Rod Foley's Back? There are a few gigs where I would get challenged. If I was opening for people more famous...

I thought you got challenged the most kids. Yeah, that's true. You get challenged a lot here. The person I was supporting would say, do a false name just for this gig, invent a false name. And what was it? So for one gig, the one that sticks out was I introduced. Keith Eopia. That's a bit racist.

Was he? It's a bit racist. It's the name of a contrary. I know, I'm very sensitive to these things. But what happened was I didn't realize Was it E or middle official? Yeah, Keith E. I don't like it.

But where it came up to back was it got reviewed in the student paper. It was like a student union. And the review said, Keith Eopia provided solid support. They just be able to be able. Yeah, there was no comment on it. They just thought, oh, that.

That's the of that blah, that's Keithiopia. But when I started, there was lots of people with those kinds of names. Yes, who's the one I saw the funny documentary on, Frank, recently? Oh, that was Ian Cognito? Yeah, Ian Cognito. Was that quite common to do that, to give yourself a funny... And for tax avoidance purposes, I always imagined. Oh, was that right?

Well, you know, I tied with the idea of where's bromid. It's the best thing you've ever done not doing that. I know, that would have been a mistake. Because the thing is it's fine, but then you can't be... you know, you can't be going to the Archbishop of Canterbury's house being introduced as West Promise. It's all right. Someone in London's heard of West Promise. There was always like Mark Hurst, who's a really good sound,

but he was formerly Mark My Words when he was a poet. Oh, was he? Yeah, he was, yeah. It's basically comedians and porn stars. M-I-W-U-R-D-Z, what was his surname? My words. It's true enough. Yeah.

Anyway, how did we get here? Well, that's a big question, isn't it? I think you want that. That's on the philosophy podcast that comes up after. Oh, imagine doing the philosophy. One of our science friends help us. Frank doesn't like the science friends. I don't have any science friends.

Who's your worst science person? Well, I don't want science. But who's your worst that you know of? I probably. Who's the boat that got the perpetual smile and goes into space. Tim Peake? No, he's my friend.

I love Tim. I want to say he goes into space. I mean, in a sort of... I know who you mean. Brian Cox. Brian Cox, yeah. Oh, don't you like that one? I don't like people who smiles all the time when they're talking to it.

What do you mean? It's a sort of... Rictus... I went and saw... I saw Sherlock Holmes this week. He's made up. At the outside, what's it not the outside theatre? The Regent's Park Theatre.

Open Air Theatre. Oh, is that where you saw Sopy Dick? Richard Arnold. I did. That's what he calls himself. Does he call himself Soaping? Yeah, because he does the soaps on GMB. Oh, I didn't.

So he says, hi, darling, it's Soapy Dick here. That's his name. That's a real name. This was up there with hands-on cocktail. No, that's his name. He gives himself. It's a nickname, Soapy Dick. If you shout that out when you see it.

But you're asking if you saw Soapy Dick in the park, That's where it's doubly confusion. He saw Richard Arnold, who's lovely. Okay. I did see Richard Arnold, but I went, I mean, it's always nice to see him, but I went mainly to see Sherlock Holmes, the play, which was brilliant. I don't know how we got on to this now, but anyway, I went to see it.

This one is called Sherlock Holmes, the mansplainer of Baker Street. It isn't really Well it would be a good title Would it be great Because he took it I mean through the ceiling Mansplaining Like you had to pull up a chair

It was like Steve having a way You had to sit down Also the fact that he was mansplaining to a doctor Medical professional Anyone Anyone The police The police

About detective work I mean he was utterly single-sighted. Anyway, it was played by a... Do you know this actor Joshua James? Oh, hang on a second. That does sound familiar. Googling him doesn't count.

Oh, okay, no, then I don't. But I know the name. He's in Down Cemetery Road. Okay. Is in that? I know what it is, but I haven't seen it. But he was in... I have read like three Agatha Christie's in my life,

but there's one where the title is so delights me. I will never read it because he cannot be as good as the title. You won't even find it's funny, but it cracks me all. The title is, why didn't they ask Evans? Yes, I like that. I love that. It's just, when did you write at the end of it? You thought, we'll have a quote from the book.

Yeah, what about why didn't they ask Evan? No, that's a bit too, like just organic conversation. No, no, I like it. oh fuck you know what she's like when she picks one anyway he was brilliant yes but um and it was good there was a lot of smoking in it and stuff which I always love some tobacco some opium

but all that but and as it's the open air theatre that we're more tolerant of that exactly but I'd tell you what happened to me I'd tell you somebody was fucking freezing oh it's so cold did you what did you wear oh well I thought I'll wear my top My Uniclo thermal top And I thought then nothing can get to me

I was wrong about that I was absolutely I had a kill for a deerstalker And I would have took the flaps down And knotted underneath Honestly I was Really? Who did you go with by the way?

I went with my son Oh that's so lovely Yeah And he'd never seen the show like I was before He loved it I don't know what he made of the Alpia We didn't talk about it once. But I lost the plot.

I mean, I literally lost the plot. Oh, because you were so cold? Well, I don't know if it was hypothermia. I think it was. That can distract you. You've got to be so careful with the elderly. Yeah, I could have been found. I don't want to be found.

I think the hypothermia, actually, that's what happened, Frank. I mean, as we should say, Frank didn't really have hypothermia. No, but I was so cold. Was bus cold? He said he wasn't because 13-year-olds won't be cold. It's true. Oh, I see. It makes him make some sound a bit weak. But I could see was, you know, the blueness of the lips.

That's always, as I was saying to Mega Mind just the other day. Anyway, I did lose the plot. The story, I thought, there's a show comes called The Gang of Four. And it's about four blocs who are in India and they make a pact and then stuff happens. But I think that they got so worried that it was in India and involved the empire. That the whole second half was basically telling us off for the empire. I don't feel that. I mean, what could I do?

No. But anyway. had no influence. It was a lot. You know those plays that tell you off? Yeah, yeah. You get a lot of them at the Edinburgh Festival in the 80s. We used to go to them.

Oh, I think they're still. That was a great thing when we went to Russell T. Davis. Even though it was about, you know, gay people, trans people, I never felt told off. We weren't told off. No, at any point. I'm sure if Woodspotenters at Polanski, you'd have told us off about something. But this was very, you know, the second half became how bad the empire was. and then I couldn't follow the plot.

Right. And in the original... The phlegic interferes in the original. There's a pygmy in the original who fires poison darts. Is that okay? He's a friend of a one-legged man. I thought they can't use this. They just can't use this plot, right?

So what they did, he was neelie, like, so there was a... What do you mean he was near? Well, they can't, you know, have you ever tried casting a pygmy? No, exactly. but that's discrimination not giving the pygmy the job I mean I don't know Steve you know things Are they still operational the pygmy nation

Community I know that Because I know Royal Dal had to rewrite Oh he's safe and totally non-counted Charlie in the chocolate factory Right There was like a second About 10 years after the original

He had to rewrite the umpalumpas Because I think he'd presented them as overly pygmy Oh okay Overly pigmy is one of the other names use of hotels. And so it's one of those, if Rale Dahl is, if something is too bad for Rale Darl Dahl

and if Rall Dahl goes, yeah, that was too much. Yeah, that's kind of be pretty bad. You're really in trouble at that point. I don't know. I don't know enough about the pygmies. But anyway, they didn't make him a pygmy. I don't know enough about the pygmy. It's always tricky when you take on a Sherlock Holmes, whether the idea of apologising for Sherlock Holmes is odd.

Well, because he doesn't feel like a representative of the age. because he's so different from everybody else in the blood. Well, I think he was, yeah, one of the first celebrated neuro-spicy heroes. But Joshua James did the whole thing in shirt sleeves. You love that Joshua James, mentionitis. I was in awe of him. He was in shirt sleeves and a waistcoat. I had like five layers.

I was trembling. I wonder if Doctor Theatre applies to freezing temperatures rather. Oh, I think it does. Not that much, though. Also, the young and the worked out. They don't feel like we do, Frank. They don't feel the temperature drop like we do. No.

I don't, I mean, I don't know. He had like a pink, pink trousers and a pink waistcoat. You remember everything about him. He was brilliant. Was it? It's a brilliant, I mean, it was a brilliant production. It's very exciting, the open air theatre. You really feel like you're in a magical world.

But I couldn't follow the plot. The only thing that were, are there cushions on the seats? No. Oh, forget about it. You could take one. I can't do that. Yeah, you'll bring your own cushion. You've offended me today.

You've offended the pygmy community. You're right. Both of you. I haven't offended the pygmy community. Imagine if Frank had to issue a formal apology now to the big me community. I would be happy to do that. Would you? No, I don't think you have to be.

I know nothing of their culture. I have to admit that. Right. But they, I mean, they're real. things. They're not made up by Conan Doyle, like the fairies. You know he believed in fairies, don't you? Who believes in fairies? Conan Doyle believed in fairies, the bloke that wrote

The Bloke? The bloke who wrote show-hawk? I've just never heard him refer to as the bloke. Did you think I met, Russell T. Davis? I've just never heard of refer to as the bloke. There was a big scam in Victorian times. The Cottes and Fairies? Cotterdale.

We can't know what it's. The ones at the bottom of the garden. Yes, the ones at the bottom of the garden. Where else you get fairies? Anyway. Cottingly, cottingly fairies. I'll take your word for it. But he absolutely brought into it and stayed in.

It was like me and Superstore. He absolutely staked his reputation on that. They were real photographs. This episode is supported by TV licensing. Your TV licence means you can watch a whole range of live TV channels, including BBC, TV and Channel 4. Plus, you can catch up on any shows you've missed on IPlayer.

Well, Frank, I need to talk to you about something. There's been a lot of David Attenborough-based shows on TV recently. Because as you may know, it has been his 100th birthday. Incredible. As an Attenborough obsessive, I can't quit the man. Ah. I went straight over to BBC Eye Player to watch a documentary called Making Life on Earth Attenborough's Greatest Adventure.

Now, I think you would like this. You actually made life. God. Can I tell you why I think you'd like this? A hundred years ago, you made life on earth. Is he an American religious figure? And apparently he said it was good. It's a deep dive into how that show was created. Why I think you'd like it is that, and it had me at this,

there was lots of 1970s footage of sort of BBC meetings in those days where there's women in knee-high boots bringing in coffee and papers to lots of men in Paisley shirts going, thank you very much, Cheryl. Yeah. And lots of interviews with producers now in their 70s or 80s are all called almost exclusively Martin and Geoffrey. So, well, of course.

I mean, Edinburgh is numerous. And everyone's smoking. Everyone's smoking. But I tell you what was genuinely fascinating was to see how they captured all that footage before all that camera technology existed. There was a poor cameraman who said, I had to stay awake for 15 days.

David made me stay awake. to capture a male Darwin frog giving birth out of his mouth. Don't ask me to explain the biology of that. I really recommend watching it. It's on BBC iPlayer. Well, I've been watching the Eurovision Song Contest and I'm damned if I just mean the final. I mean both semi-finals as well. You went deep.

And I chose Belgium from the very beginning. I absolutely knew that was going to do well and it did very badly indeed. But we do that. Me and my family, we sit and we have our skis. score cards and we score every person and at the end, you know, it's a proper, it's an event in our house. People are so cynical about it. And I love, you know, music of a more, I suppose, a more respectable kind. But people who look at that disparagingly, I just don't get it. It's joyous.

What did you think of the UK entry, Frank? I like that. I thought that was classic Eurovision. a bloke singing Einzfei dry I liked it there was a bloke sitting behind me who kept making comments that really got on my nerves like at the cinema

and then I realised that was Graham Norton But it was overall A fabulous contest And I have to say I was quite pleased with the winning song You like Bangoranga I love Bangorang none of your business I absolutely loved it

Did you like it? I was really When she overtook it. We were all relieved. Let's not lie. I think the word that describes this year's Eurovision was relief. Yes, it was good. And it would have been spoiled if the thing had ended in a terrible riot. So it's great, though.

I think it's so easy to be cynical about Eurovision. I wish it was on every week. And also, if you miss Eurovision, and you're thinking it's no good telling us now, it's on iPlayer, you know, with so many other marvellous things. Don't forget your TV licence covers you for over 400 TV channels and everything on BBC iPlayer on any device. For more information, visit tvl.co.com.ukes slash pod.

When were you last duped, Frank? You weren't duped by Lance Armstrong, were you? I was always suspicious of him, may I say? I don't think I had any thought. You know, it's a fucking cyclist. But were you duped by anyone? Was I duped by someone who I thought was... Like the Cottingdale fairings, Cottingly fairies.

I always got the impression when Yuri Geller was on Fatt nature football that you saw through. Did you? No, but Dave said, Dave thought that he had definitely got magical powers. Did he really think that? Yeah. Because when we first met Euregela, he said, have you got your house case with you? Like in a real sort of, I need to get into your house. kind of a way.

And we were all going to go, hold on. I didn't know. We were going to have to... Steve, he never said we had to bring out. Anyway, Dave got his housekey's house and he just fondled them slightly and Dave's house key bent like 90 degrees. And how does he do that, Steve?

I have no idea. Do you know? And it was suggested. There was a... Someone secretly filmed him. Right. And it was suggested that he's got techniques that are basically not real.

He's got techniques. He's a shy. not real. These are shister, basically. Well, that is magic. I was trying to pick my words delicately. The technique that is real. I'm delicately choosing my words because I'm nervous about saying he's an absolute fraud.

Oh, you don't want to slagging off the pygmies. But you're worried about him. You're protecting Patti Arbuckle. How have I been dragged into the pygmy disrespect? I will only slag off Richard Curtis. Look, nobody here is disrespecting any pigmies. Not on my watch. No.

Okay? Let's go back to Steve. Gary Geller. He was being filmed for something like a gotcha Oscar. It was like a... What does that mean? Like Noel's House Party. Remember Noel Fielding's House Party? No, it was Edmunds.

Noll Edmund's House Party. That was very different, Noel Fielding's House Party. Noel Edmund's House Party, he did the gotcha, where they were sort of Steve Pink pranks. Oh, yeah. Do you remember that? Steve Pink, a purple suit. Yes. Anyway. And so Geller doesn't know.

know that he's being filmed and so he's showing off with some of his tricks but he's a lot more lax about about how he does them so it's like he gets a key and you can sort of see

it's like something like he pushes it against the table and it's more obvious that he's cleverly using I have to say I mean I I didn't think it was magic but have you ever tried

bend in a house key by pressing it against the table no does it not work they don't just because fork I think if you get a very weak cheap fork you could do it.

Oh yes. If you can get a cheap fork, we're in so. Please. I think it was suggested that Gellner, because when Gary McAllister takes the penalty against Scotland, against England, sorry. Yuri Geller said he moved it.

He was in a helicopter above the ground and he made the ball move. The ball does move. But does he only say that after the things have happened then? Well, of course. Otherwise Gary McAllister would have just let it move. I remember there was a documentary about him and he's in, I don't know where he is.

Is it the Louis Theroux one? No, this is, he's in some Central America or something and he says to this kid, I said, nice dog, it's a nice dog, you have a nice dog. And he says, right, it's just there you got a lovely dog. It's five. And the mom says, it's 12. I mean, rubbish.

Seven years. I mean. Get closer than that. In dog age. In dog years, that's a 50 year difference almost. But it was the cut, the woman didn't even like, that was 12.

Why, if you're going to prove your magical pose, there's not going to guess in dog ages. That's rubbish. They're the hardest age to guess. Ben the keys. The dog's mortally offended. How dare you?

Oh, but have I ever been duped? ask me in the afterlife. Oh, do you know, I will, Frank, because that is going to be the biggest test for you. And if there isn't one, I have. Oh, Frank. I'm sure there is one. Yeah, it'll be fine.

You'll be all right. And you know what? Either way, what I love about your little plan is you're covered. Well, I'll be covered in soil. And that'll be it. I've got the full song I've been duped in my head now. Yes. Yes.

What were they duped by? What were me? I thought you were drowning now. I'm frightened to death. Sorry. Do you know what they're duped by in that song? Is there at... Well, it's Elaine Polu who's on lead vocal.

So she's been duped. And so many were by bark. Oh, man. Anyway, what's happened to your... You haven't told us about your week or anything. What's the mix? So the big thing we've been doing, so this Sunday just gone, we got a kitten. And the kids were very, very excited.

This was, I had grudging. We've got one cat already. What a new kitten? And the kids have been asking to get a cat for ages. And I was, I ended up, I look after the cat all the time. I'm the only one who ever does the litter tray, et cetera. All right. So I'd said, like, if you can, you know, if you're willing to muck in.

And then my, so my wife found, my wife really loves this particular. breed of cat. What's it called? So it's a Somali. Okay. The working title for the cat is for the name is Captain Phillips. Madonna has to have a couple. Yeah.

But the breeder that my wife found, they had to do a Zoom chat to see if the... The ethical breeder, I hope? The ethical breed, yes. And the thing that swayed it, the thing that meant that she was delighted to allow us to get one of these kittens. What, you had to be interviewed. if you can have one of her cats.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, it's a big thing now. They're so strict about it. So it was going to... Do you pay for it now, do you? Yeah, yeah. But she funds... Sorry, you're interviewed

to see if you can pay for a cat. Yeah, yeah. Yes, Frank. It has to be ethically homes. And she's got a rescue... So she funds the money she makes from the breeding. She funds her rescue cat, so it's quite nicely...

Does she know? Yeah, no, they met the rescue cats. She's got a real... But the thing that swung it was, this place is in South Birmingham and the thing that swung it was my wife on the Zoom chat. Can I say no one in Birmingham

would ever say South Birmingham? Do you think it's a scam? No, I just... She didn't say this is my... No, it's just... You wouldn't say... It's not like North London and South London. Oh, okay. I'm going down to South Birmingham.

Oh, they're such a South Birmingham thing to say. Go on, sorry. So the thing that's right on the Zoom chat with... So I wasn't there for this. It was my wife and the kids. And I said, oh yeah, well, my husband a comedian, he works, he's just been touring with Frank Skinner. And he's, I love Frank Skinner so much.

Oh, she didn't say she loved you. That's hard. Well, she wouldn't have heard of me. That's a pretty, I'm pretty much accepting of that fact. I'm sorry. But you swung, her love of you was basically the thing that swung it in our... Yeah, that got us the kitten. The chance to spend your three grand on the cat. Isn't it? That's pricey, isn't it?

It wasn't that much. It wasn't that much. It was also the kids, it was paid for out of the kids' pocket money. Well, I got you a cat. Basically. Yeah. Hang on. You use the kid's pocket money to buy the cat. That's disgusting. This was disgust between the wife and me. I had nothing to do with the financial decision. Disgusting. I had parents who ripped me off. Stole my acting money. You never talk about it.

I know I talk about it quite a lot. I've never got over. You never used to talk about it. This was all arranged with, I had no idea we gave him that much fucking pocket money. Don't mention the frames lie lieutenants for me. Oh my God. Well, I'm glad you brought it up now. Is this a documentary in waiting? Yeah. Yeah. Well, listen, I hope you enjoy it.

Have you got the cat? So we got it on Sunday. It's a tiny, it's beautiful little thing. What are they, what's the look of one of these? So it's sort of, it's quite sort of, so this one, it's silver cream is the, apparently the official phrase. It's got quite perky Egyptian ears. Has it got a fluffy tail? Yeah, little, and fluffy, weird little sort of Victorian sideburns on the side.

Oh. Oh, I love that. Like for Victorian philanthropist? Yeah, yeah. I love that kind of big. But the current cat is not happy at all. Current is not that. If I was being called the current cat, I wouldn't be that happy.

The incumbent cat is, there's a leadership challenge underway. If you're the current cat and a shovel arrives on Amazon, you're going to be anxious. The kids have told me that I'm not allowed to interact with a kitten because I've got the smell of the current cat on me, Bonnie. And so Bonnie's been freaking out with everyone apart from me. So the kids, I'm expressly forbidden to play. with a kitten.

And what's the new kitten called? That was almost a rap, wasn't he? Well, there's a lot of debate about the name. I don't get Frank on this. He hates it and people go on about dog's names. He's like, whenever I walk with him and I say, what's the name? He's like, why do you ask the name? Who cares? People say that to me. It's a nice dog. What's its name? What's his name?

It's the only pronoun thing I get really angry. It's a she, actually. Anyway, I think it, do you know that? I think that honestly did give me an insight into why people get upset about pronouns. When you've got a female dog and it's called he, he thinks, fuck off. When people call Ray Shee, I get really upset.

I totally agree with you. But Frank thinks it's a bit silly to care about the names. He's like, what's the point in asking the name? What are they going to do with that information other than steal your dog? No, because I think it tells me about the owner, the name. We wanted the kids to be able to agree on a name of themselves. It was like their thing that they could do together.

and the original, the breeder, named it Bullet. You know what happened? There's a bloke at Channel 4 who, his wife was pregnant for the second time and they said to the first child, right, you can name the child. Very sort of media.

Modern parents. So the kids said, okay, Shrek. And they had to go with it, but they made Shrek the second name. Did they say Shrek? They stopped with Shrek because they're modern parents. They couldn't just go, oh. Shut up.

Oh, I know. That's all you got. I think Gary Delaney on his birth certificate, his name's Baby, because his parents hadn't decided. So he was officially... Baby Delaney. Which has got quite a nice kind of gangster into it.

Yeah, very gangster. Anyway, so you were going to go for Bullitt. That's a bit Premier League football with an XL bully. And we didn't like... What are you going to call the cat? Bullitt. So the breeder, it was originally called Bullitt, and we were going to rename it.

So the kids had The breeder called it Bullitt. Yeah, yeah. And we were going to rename it. And so the kids had agreed on Biscuit. Okay. And then it's arrived

and now my son is going, no, I've decided I'm going to call him Bullet. Oh, no. So the thing we'd hope would unite the kids is now tearing them apart. Oh, no. I mean... You thought you'd dodged a bullet.

Very good, fine. Why? You actually that was dodged a biscuit. But they want you... I thought you're jamminged out of biscuit. Well, they wanted to call it something beginning with B because Bonnie. Why?

They wanted another, because Bonnie was a rescue and so Bonnie, that was the name. But Bonnie now has been utterly rejected and shoved to one side, sleep's in your basement. Bonnie's got an awful life. It's only a matter of time before Bonnie lies over the other. The only other being. And don't bring back my Bonnie to me.

No, exactly. It's happened to me, we had a lovely dog Tiny when I was a kid. I don't know why the timing's extremely amazing. Anytime you talk about Tiny. It was quite small. Anyway, and then my brother's girlfriend bought him a wippy. So the wippy came into the house.

Tiny never got over it, simply. I think you described it as tiny became ill with jealousy. Tiny did. Tiny's fur started falling out and everything. It was terrible. Isn't that awful seeing that dogs are so capable of awful human emotions, like jealousy? It's so depressing. It is.

It's like, you know, it's like moving another woman in. Oh, we've all used. That'll be nice for you to have someone to talk to, excuse. But in the end, it always leads to upset. People have said that to me. They say, oh, do you think, you know, Ray's getting on a bit now? I'm just saying it's going to be very upsetting. If I have a three, sir, I always insist it's another bloke.

Frank, please don't say things like that. It's disgusting. Why is that disgusting? Because it is. I think it's very modern. I don't. I hate it. Wow.

Wow. I don't know because you're my friend and I just find it in but I'm not saying other people people are entitled to their proclivities Let a thousand blossoms bloom But I ain't You can't carry on the rest of that quote I can't because it makes me laugh

I don't know what this is I'm completely laughing It's the Australian politician Bob Katter Do you remember him? It's a cat of this cat a man I am He had strong views on Was it gay marriage No, that's why we didn't continue, Frank.

Okay. Well, we didn't, you'd express your arm. Anyway. Oh, where were we? So anyway, the cat. And so the name is still in limbo. The other name beginning with B that they like, because they watch Eurovision, is Bangoranga.

Oh, that's quite good. So that's a possibility. But the most frustrating thing is I'm still cleaning out the litter tray. So I've been lied to. The trouble with Banga Ranga is that it will date, won't it? You've got about two months in it. I'm going to use that as my hotel name.

My surname's going to be in Japan. Well, also... Bangoranga, Tan. I think he's in a suite with jimpanzee. Yeah, he's the ginger one. You know, the redhead. You know the ginger one with the long arms? He's a little thick around the middle as well.

They tend to travel together. My wife's family are mostly redheads and they're all Australian. And Ranga in Australia is a sort of friendly slang term for redheaded person. Yes, that's right. But as a result, bang a ranger has become, it means something very different to an Australian. So that's the reason we're going to have to overrule that. But it's difficult to explain to a 10-year-old. You can't tell elderly Australian relatives.

We've called the cat Shagga Ginger. Yeah, you can't do that. It's so inappropriate. I think there's someone nice about me. People say worse things about gingers in my experience. Oh, that's true. The idea that they're sexually attractive, I think, is a plus. Yeah.

Okay. Good night. No, no, we're still on. But yes, but my wife and kids wanted to say thank you to you because they feel like you were an important part in securing the kitten. Yeah, if that cat blinds one of the kids, week one. Whose fault is it? Moggings?

We'll sign of a discreet. If toxoplasmosis spreads into the family, we will. Is that what you're calling it now? I think I prefer Bangoranga. What about Bangor Ranger? And then it could be named after one of those. We love the Rangers, don't we? Whenever I go to Hampstor Teeth with Frank,

we always see a lovely Ranger. What are that exactly? I was hoping you'd tell me, because last time I went, you went, oh, good morning. You always say good morning to the Ranger Like you're the sort of local squire Well you know It's nice as people

Clearing up the hypodermics Oh no And do they have Do they still do that And they use condoms I hear them sometimes in the morning Bringing in the sheath Bring in the sheath

I'll tell you what they're picking up more now Is that they still do the Noss The young people Oh yeah Yeah You know the Noss They love the Noss Is that we're looking up?

Is that we've been? We're sort of about the same. They look like air-fix glue containers. Well, it's not that, darling. It's nitrous oxide, okay? You sometimes do it, if you're doing a music festival, you'll hear. No. No.

Walking to the comedy stage at a music festival, you'll hear that. Is it called, no? No, it's called Noss. Oh, okay. Nitrous oxide. But you see, is that what that is? Can we say, if you're listening, don't try these things. They are what dull people use to make interesting.

I think that's the best anti-drugs advert quite genuinely I ever heard if you got a problem ask Frank that used to be a drugs campaign younger listeners I've seen so many good people anyway we won't go we won't go there oh let's not end on that

let's not go there please do people say that still Frank don't even go there have we done outside world no we better do some quickly oh my goodness why do you take it such a drama People take all that trouble.

Yeah, but you make it such a drama. Oh, my goodness. And we're talking about Somali cats. Oh, that's all right. There's room for both. There's room for Somalian cats. Not Somalian. Oh, I'm sorry.

Somali cats. He's hijacked our hearts. Oh, Sir Marley cats. Parents were a big Bob Marley fan. Some one of Jim Hansy. Jewish Lord, Sir Marley Cats. You've got to add all of these on your list, right? You've got some great names here.

Come on, give us an outside. So Frank was recently talking about hating broadcasters who use filler words such as like. And don't know. I thought he might find it interesting to know that Royal Naval officers and other forces, I assume, are taught never to use that type of filler when addressing the ship or making any command. So I was fascinated by this. I looked this up. So all these words are essentially banned from their vocabulary,

which is like sort of kind of... You know. You know. A big no-no is also probably, or maybe. Can't actually say those words. Basically, I bet that's it. Oh, they don't write basically the naval? Well, you can probably guess the reason behind it.

No. Oh, well, there are two reasons. The first is that it implies a lack of authority in that person. Yes. So it suggests, I don't know if I trust them. Sherlock Holmes never does it when he's mansplaining. No, but that's because he's mansplaining. He's never listened to anybody else in his entire life.

I don't think he ever asked. Can you imagine Sherlock Holmes saying, I wonder if you could help me? I just wanted your opinion on something. Has he ever said that? Never. Why didn't they ask Evans? Because?

Exactly. No one would listen to Evans. It's right now. He never consults other experts. Does he ever ask Watson's opinion? No. Doesn't he? So what's Watson's role?

Does he say really knows? He writes down what... He's a sort of a James Boswell. Well, what's the Samuel Johnson? He writes down what... He's a Gimt then. He's a Gimp, then. He's known as the Gimp of Faker Street.

I think you visited him back in your earlier years. That was Gimp Pattern Z. He's the brother of Jim. That's for late night checkings. Exactly. I wonder if he got a drip car. Oh, man. Oh, dear.

Anyway, I'm fascinated to discover that. So the first reason is that because it's dangerous, because imprecision is dangerous, obviously. But the problem is that people don't do it. You know, the people on Sky News who say, yes, well, Manperson has, you know, they're struggling. They haven't decided to say, you know. But I think it would be helpful for the people on Sky News.

I'm saying the good people of Sky News. Yeah. To know this, that this is actually banned in the military, for this explicit reason, specific reason, and I'm sorry, because it conveys a lack of authority. So if they said to them, just so you know, the military actually ban that because it suggests a lot. If it's in a journalist on Skynois and they say, yeah,

so Ed Davy said that, you know, I think I don't. I'm 100% agree with you. I'm through with you. Who is it Chris Mason, is he, the BBC one? He would start reports with things like, oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. Things couldn't get worse for Rishi Sunak. Oh, I don't like that. But that doesn't, that suggests confidence, doesn't it?

Yeah, I don't know. I just, I know what you mean. I like, I like them to sound very 1950s, my newsreaders. I want precision. I want, I'm not saying I want, you know, cancelable racism or anything. My worst thing is when they get those people on who are, they spend their entire life interviewing politicians in a really aggressive, Interrupting them like it's really horrible

And then they give them a human His interest story And they're talking to some poor woman Who's been involved in the tragedy And they're still a bit nasty Andrew Neil was tested He was the worst interpreter Andrew Neal interviewing people

Yeah but we used to quite like watching him on that politics What was the one we liked with Michael Portillo It's making us sound like Brexit voters But I just said we didn't agree with the politics always But we just liked the show I didn't actually listen to them Well, the weird things, my kids don't know that Portillo's a twat. Because they saw, based on the stuff.

Let's not just take that, I say. Now he's on train. Yeah, well, that's the thing. Well, I found that very difficult because I remember I had lunch with him, Frank. And I was very... Did you? Yes, I once had lunch with him. And it was very difficult for me because I liked him as a person.

This is where it gets complicated. Because these days, he's a likable buffoon in ridiculous trousers going on train journeys. How's not Frank? He was once asked when he was a... When he was a Tory MP in the 90s, someone, it was asked about the homeless problem. He said, someone said to him, look, can you imagine what would you do if you were homeless?

And he went, I'm too handsome to be homeless. So that's the measure of the man. Wow. He always looked like he was walking into a sandstorm. And other things that you can only say up until the age of 49. Yeah, well, I don't think you could have ever said it. I certainly wouldn't say it of myself. I wouldn't put Portillo in the good-looking branch.

I don't know. He was all right. Oh, well, we're all different. Don't put yourself down front. You're good looking. Oh, shut up. I am not. Just so you know, if someone pays you a compliment, it's best not to say, oh, shut up. Someone from a PR company. It's best just to say, oh, thank you for that, just so you know. I met a woman from a PR company and she said, we sent you all those photos and we haven't had your okay.

What do you say? And I said, why do you think that is? Why? Is that okay? I don't care What do I care? Are they going to pick one of me sneezing Or something like that?

No Anything else, I'll just take what I can get As far as photos are concerned That's not my brand Okay It's internal You can't see what I've got Thank God for that

Not yeah Right, come on then We're finished I think we're done now We should finish Nice to see you Steve I don't know about you but I'm bored now.

Yeah, I'm going to be bored. 35 minutes, that's me, Don, really. I think we've done enough. We've all said enough. It's nice to see you, Steve. Nice to see you. Can I say before we go that Sarah, our beloved producer,

leaves today, to go and have her baby? I mean, she's pregnant. She's not having her. Oh, my God. You thought she was just an arm buckle? No. Not proven. She's not having it, you know, today.

It's not like the old days when women went to work until actually... Did they? Yeah, yeah. People have... They'd have babies in the factory. Factory? What prey is a factory? Anyway, look, we love Sarah. We will really miss her.

But we got Sandy who seems really nice who's arrived today. So we continue. Yeah. We move. You know what they say? The dude abides. Steve knows what film that was from. I'm not going to let him say.

So anyway, Sarah, you leave with all our love. And next time we see you, you'll probably have a big smiley baby. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. A new winter change is blowing. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. I'm not totally sure how it's going. Thanks for listening. listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via Frank Off the Radio at avalonuK.com.