The Frank Skinner Show - Frank's Got Anecdotes!
Episode Date: June 22, 2026It’s another week with Frank, Em and Ruth. Frank’s got anecdotes, Ruth decides she needs media training, and Michael Bublé might be in need of a new marketing team. If you want to message the sh...ow, email us at FrankOffTheRadio@AvalonUK.com or WhatsApp us on 07457 417 769 We’re currently sponsored by BT - behind brilliant things! Search ‘Why BT’ to find out more or click on the following link: https://www.bt.com/broadband/why-bt Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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It's Frank off the radio.
It's the Frankskinna podcast, don't you know?
You'll have no regrets hiring your color sets from Granada.
This is Frank Off the Radio.
I'm joined by Emily Dean and Ruth Hosko.
Follow the podcast on Ex and Instagram.
You can indeed email the podcast via Frank off the radio at Avalonukk.com if you were wondering.
And if you were wondering about WhatsApp,
Now that Frank's not on, cast away we go.
So what's at...
Is your time valuable?
Yeah, you should ask.
You should ask the corporate look at my marriage company.
It's quite valuable.
Good to know.
minute. Any round
we're here again, how we?
We are off.
Oh, we are more.
I'm sorry.
We a half, that's what you say.
What do you say, we A half?
Means like really.
Oh, like you'd say, was Frank in good spirits when you met him?
You go, we wore off.
Let me try.
So ask me the question.
So is it out there today?
O'R off.
Oh, I can't do.
Well, it was in the ballpark.
I can't do it.
You go, oh, it's I-R.
Tye-R, Fott-Muh.
Oh, it's A-R.
Yeah, exactly.
T-A-R-Fot-Mov.
Yeah.
Another race.
Is it how they would say in London, ain't, kind of?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, okay.
A-A.
Ain't, yeah.
Oh, I don't know what it is.
What am I, David Crystal?
Not in the way, Frank.
You know my worst thing, we hate this.
People who aren't Cockney who use the word ain't.
Oh, do you know that?
Yeah, you know what I'm going to say.
Alexander Armstrong did it once, didn't he?
Pete Waterman.
Oh, yes.
Who are the top three aints?
I definitely think Alexander Armstrong.
What did you say?
On his album, when he said, I'm doing Golden Brown, he said,
and who was it?
Stranglers.
He said, and Strangler's light, it ain't.
I just love it.
And then he went, Frank, golden brown.
Golden brown.
Oh, they're like, get off.
Wearing a scarf.
I just come on.
Are you going to Scarborough?
He did do that one.
Yes, I know he did, because Frank, you said,
Not if you are.
Walking through a field, yeah.
No, but he got into also,
when he was singing Golden Brown
wandering around Winchester Cathedral.
Is he still bringing out albums?
Zander.
I don't.
I'm not quite sure.
I mean, people are buying them, in fairness.
Oh, no.
Yeah, he does well with it.
They were hits.
Yeah.
Who were the other a ints?
I think Pete Waterman is a great shout.
Like what would you say to...
I think Clarkson might say ain't.
Oh, do you think so?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It would be things like, that ain't going to happen.
Do you think you're going to be a star sweet?
I'll tell you right now.
It ain't going to happen.
Yeah, that's very Waterman.
You're right.
Yeah, in fact, I did a Waterman impression on when we had Britney Spears on,
we recreated Pop Idol with me as...
Did you Waterman?
Darling, yeah, you ain't never going to be a pot.
I remember saying, yeah.
She was very good with it.
I told you, Frank, what Pete Waterman said.
Insane now, of course.
He said.
What, Pete Waterman?
She's lovely there.
Did I tell you what Pete Waterman said?
You hear that, kids?
Frank, I'm telling you something.
He said there was a girl, we'll just say there was a girl we knew in North London who had aspirations to be a pop star, but didn't really want to do any of the work.
Anyway, it was arranged for her through contacts.
That's how we did things.
We didn't need pop idol.
We used contacts.
and to go and see Pop Waterman, Pete Waterman.
Pop Waterman is why he should call himself.
When he became a father, he should have been known throughout as Pop Waterman.
That's brilliant.
And she said, he said, well, let's hear your stuff.
And she said, oh, well, I only do own stuff.
I don't do, you know, I won't do sort of popular songs.
I only do own stuff.
He went, look, darling, I don't do own stuff.
I do La, La La.
Yeah.
And he did it very well.
He did la, la, la.
He did well for Kylie.
He did well for a lot of people.
He was the pop factory or whatever.
Was it a hit factory they called them?
SAW, wasn't it?
Some great ones.
Yeah, probably.
Scott Ake and Waterman.
You don't hear so much from Scott and Aiken these days.
No, I hope they're all right now.
Waterman's big into the trains.
It's got Aitken Waterman, wasn't that three Thunderbirds pilots?
But it was department store.
Anyway, how do we get onto this, Aint?
There you go.
I don't know.
Oh, because it's saying,
Men who say eight.
Tosk.
Tosk, no matter.
Okay.
It woe it.
Okay.
Right.
Let's go.
Should we go straight into the outside world?
Okay.
Outside's a bigger word to take on than I thought.
Struggled with it.
We've had a few people.
Stop knocking the mic.
Sorry, I'm sorry.
Oh, do it again, Ruth.
Sorry.
You was knocking it the other way?
Oh my God.
It's a Birmingham,
I've knocked it twice in two and a half years.
That's all I'm saying.
I feel like I've wandered into a black country pub and it's all kicking off.
I haven't been media trained.
I'm sorry.
Oh, I like it when the footballers are media trained.
Yeah.
They over-trained them, Frank, don't you think?
Did they still do it?
Yes, they say, oh, they do it a lot now.
But I think they over-trained them.
You know, like with Ryan Giggs back in the day,
they drained the personality out of the man.
I think what they've made, someone has sat them in a room and say,
you'll be saying things.
that you think are startling and new.
But people at home will be thinking, oh, everybody knows that.
So it would help if you say obviously every four or five words.
So they know that you are saying something which they probably know.
And so they're trapped in a great ring of obviousness.
Yes.
And then the managers came over and in broken English started talking about
the moment of the game. Yes, it is special moment. And then everybody started, all the English
players, everyone, talk about the moment. Yeah. And the one that gets me is when they call it,
they say the football club. They don't say the club now. They say the football club, as if we
don't, as if we forgot what they're talking about, a little reminder. Yeah, the thing is, you know,
he has to look after his role in the football club. Oh, the football club? Oh, I thought he was on
about the British Leading Club.
of down the road.
I know it's the fucking football club.
This is a football program.
Oh dear.
Anyway, sorry, carry on.
Do you want to hear from Pharmacist?
Yes, very clever.
Yeah.
Is it spelled with an F or a P.8?
It's spelt.
Is it Mr. Farmer cyst?
It's spelt farmer with an F.
More star, pharma sauce.
Well, that's going to come in useful.
Okay.
in a minute, you'll see, and it will be relevant.
And cyst is spelt in the...
C-Y-S-T.
Yeah.
Sounds quite at RuPaul's drag race.
Yeah, that would be...
Yeah, yeah.
Anyway, farmer cyst has got in touch.
Uh-huh.
Frank, I saw you at the mind-blowingly fabulous, the fall,
futures and past recently in Manchester.
We befriended many fans,
and the whole experience felt like being irradiated by
New Dawn.
Oh, wow.
Would you agree with that?
I don't know if I felt irradiated.
Okay.
Unnecessary honesty, maybe.
Maybe.
Okay.
I was thinking about it.
It's to do with light or heat?
I'm assuming it's light and it sounds positive.
Well, I'm thinking radiance, but also radiator.
But he was saying a nice thing, Frank.
You don't need to go, I don't know if I felt that.
Just say, oh, yeah, it was lucky.
Well, you're asking me to agree with something and I haven't read the contract.
Yes, I am.
Our friend Michael Nath was promoting his new fall novel.
I'm looking for ponds there all the way.
His new fall novel.
Okay.
I was about to approach you, Frank, and say, I have a new book from a friend,
and he would like to share it with someone he's admired forever as a cultural icon
and the nation holds dear to its art.
Can you pass this on to Simon Armitage in the green room, please?
My wife said to me, please don't.
He will tell you to F right off.
Was she correct in thinking this,
i.e. because it was rude.
Kind regards pharmacist.
No, because I don't like to affect the traditional structure of fuck off
by putting right in the middle.
Oh, I like that.
But would you have been offended?
I don't think you would have.
No, certainly not on the outside.
On the inside, it would have been like somebody twisting a knife into my kidney.
But I've got so used now.
to that kind of
humility.
Humiliation, I was trying to be kind.
But I think, I like the sound of pharmacist.
Sounds like a nice friend for you, Frank.
I like the sound of breaking glass.
Well, I just think pharmacist sounds like
it could be a nice friend for you.
Well.
I think it's a positive thing being irradiated by, what was it,
a new, irradiated by a new dawn.
I said, I felt really good.
I felt really...
That sounds like it should be originally in German.
I love you and die of Pete.
It sounds like he should have come from that, which I don't.
It unsettles me.
A new dawn is Boubley, isn't it?
Is he?
Is it?
A new day.
Oh, it's a new dawn.
Yeah, yeah.
He's always going on about a new...
Do you like Bublo, Frank, when you met him?
Yeah, he was very nice.
Very nice.
I like Bobble tea.
Is that related?
Bubele tea.
Let's give him one of them boobla tis.
Why doesn't he bring out of you down?
Hasn't he brought out booblay too?
Yeah.
He could bring out loads.
And he could, what are the bubble thing could it?
What about the little bubbles that children have?
There's not so much money in those, maybe.
They're more joke shop.
Or the ones that you blow blowing bubbles.
I've thought of a good booblet tribute act name.
Oh, double booblo.
Double bubble.
Double bubble slash double booblet.
Double booblet, no room.
It's not quite right.
No, but it's like double bubble guy.
What about I'm forever blowing boobler?
Right, that's something else.
Oh, no, it won't work.
It won't work, better.
Frank, that's horrible.
What if his wife brought that out as a Christmas single?
Oh, a little bit of the booblay.
Oh, I don't know what that means.
A little bit of the bubblay.
Oh, is that person saying that?
No, it's someone said it in wrestling.
I can't remember the guy.
Really?
Yeah, it was a wrestling thing.
It doesn't matter.
You can't have a I'm forever blowing booblay, Frank.
It's so disrespectful.
It's so disrespectful, Frank.
You could have a booblay personality.
Oh.
Yeah, but I don't like it if you get called that
because we all know what that means.
Yeah, do you know, I've been called Bubele personality many times.
Yeah.
It's really offensive to me.
I always go straight on the Ackin.
It means stupid, doesn't it?
No, I think it means fat and loud.
We go, if I get...
One of the best double acts I ever saw.
I don't know if you remember I'm on the West Midland,
Mike Fat and Steve Loud.
P-H-A-T.
Do you know, when I get called,
if I've been called Bubbly, straight on the Atkins.
Really?
it means.
She's so bubbly.
I think of a big floral dress.
So do I.
Is it maybe a 1950s dress,
cinched at the waist?
I've been there.
No, I'm thinking of a particular woman
who used to come around my Uncle Terry's
and she's quite loud
and wore a floral dress in the 80s slash 90s.
I like her.
And she had red lipstick
and a very cropped blonde hair cut.
And I remember coming in the kitchen once
and she was whispering to my uncle Terry like this.
And then I came in,
shot the kitsaria and I had to walk out again.
Oh, I wonder what?
She was whispering.
I remember I mean, Tehr Maria.
I bet she loved a fag as well.
Oh, God.
I loved a fag.
I had a brief fling with a woman who drank tea and maria and cider.
Did you?
Yeah.
Get some drunk quit, though.
You know what I'm saying?
No, Frank.
No, no, no, no.
Absolutely not.
Absolutely not.
Okay.
Did everyone in your family smoke, Frank?
When you were growing up?
My mum never smoked.
Did your dad smoke?
Oh, yeah.
My dad smoked?
my brothers.
Okay, thank you.
My granddad used to smoke 70 a day.
What about that?
Really?
I don't know if he found at the time.
Mind you, you could smoke in the factories then.
Maybe smoke four or five at a time.
Yeah.
Well, that's something we all had like a, yeah.
What did you call that winter blowpipe thing?
Oh, yeah.
Like the Peruvian.
Yeah.
Isn't that interesting?
That's something we all had in common in our childhoods, because my parents smoke.
There you go.
Everybody smoked there.
Kids smoke.
Yeah.
It was wrong.
Did it do us any harm?
Soon as the baby comes out.
There was the thing, David Houghtney died last week.
Oh, yeah.
And I love David Hockner.
I once cried at one of his exhibitions.
Did he frown?
I know.
I love that.
But he, every one of the interviews he didn't lay to life,
he'd say, anyway, I'm going to have a cigarette now.
He was really proud of the fact.
Was it?
But he was like 88 and had smoked for a bat.
70 years.
I was amazing.
But don't do it, kids, if you're thinking about it.
No, don't bake you.
Get a nice sheisha.
Bit of apple.
Bit of a lovely apple in it.
I think I'm really recommending sheishers.
Well, it's better than cigarettes.
You're right.
It's infinitely preferable.
Yeah, and it's better than the vapes.
They don't seem to have a health warning on the sheeshers.
No.
I see people doing those sheeshers, though, outside the restaurants all the time, do you?
Well, they used to be doing them inside the restaurants.
And then I believe there was some kind of bat.
Yes, so now they have to sit in the frozen,
I mean, they've come here from Casablanca.
Now they've got to sit in the freezing, bloody British cold.
Casa Blank.
Is there that people come from there and smoke sheeshers, surely?
Yeah, it's true.
It's just quite literal idea of where you smoke sheeshers.
Instead of like Tom and Jerry cartoon, I did it.
Well, the people come there and then they smoke indoors.
Or if they smoke outdoors in Casablanca, it's warm.
But what is the sheesh?
I mean, why is that different to a vape?
Because it's just, what are they burning?
Like, flavoured?
Is it better for you?
I've always had apple flavoured sheesh when I've sheeshed.
And then it's nice, very not.
And I also, I like apparatus.
I'm a very big fan of apparatus in all its manifestations.
That's what I think I used to like about smoking
was, you know, you had matches
and cigarette box you could get for them
and lighters.
You like the iconography of smoking.
A lighter, I've been to Egypt lighter.
I liked it when you could collect the tokens
from like Embassy or Lambert and Butler
and you could get a telly.
You know, remember that?
Oh, guys, I've just looked up.
Be an H umbrella.
Can we just say, Shisha's is not, to be.
recommended. I don't even think it's less harmful than vapes. It offers a richer, more social,
cultural experience. Okay. Than the vape. Um,
bit harsh on the British working classes. Wow. Blimey. This is Starmer's Britain.
A richer, more cultural experience. Yeah. Nice.
She shit. That shitty old working class people.
Oh, that's awful.
Shisha involves burning tobacco and charcoal.
Oh, so there is tobacco involved.
That's it.
So it does have high levels of carbon monoxide.
But that aside.
Yeah, you know, but the world does.
Yeah, exactly.
Some world does.
You can't walk down the right.
Always keep the engine running.
Warms the car up.
That's it.
When you have to finish, she's, you have to put it out.
You can't just leave it going.
Oh dear.
They had Shisha Pite.
I think they had them in Aladdin.
Of course they fucking had it.
Yeah, but in a children's film, they wouldn't do that now, Frank.
Do you know I re-watched Aladdin over the weekend?
You watched Aladdin?
Why?
Bear with.
I was with Adam Kaye and his husband, James, and their two kids.
And this was the remake of Aladdin.
Have you seen the remake?
Not with real people.
Yeah.
Why do they do that?
Will Smith.
Animation is.
better than
real people.
Will Smith was the
genie.
Tough shoes,
let's be
honest,
anyway.
Yeah.
You're say
something else
that.
Tough shoes.
I'm going to
start saying that.
Also,
you're going to say,
yeah,
oh,
I don't know,
I don't know
what we say.
Oh!
What's that?
Look,
I couldn't watch
Will Smith now
after that slap.
I just think
get my genie's name
out of your goddamn
math.
That's what I'd say to it.
Exactly.
Every time
Aladdin's it.
It's no,
too late.
No, Will, can't put it back in the bottle.
You've slapped him now.
I found it a bit weird.
I know what you mean, because the genie's meant to be,
you ain't never had a friend like me.
I'm not sure about that, actually.
Oh, the wife was caught between a rock and a hard blood.
That was horrible, that slap.
The slap is, if he'd hit him, if he'd punched him,
would have been horrible.
But the slap is also like, you know, I couldn't even be bothered to clench.
for you.
Well, we've all been in that situation.
I've been there, dear.
But you know what occurred to me about Aladdin?
Go on.
I think it's directed by Guy Ritchie, this version.
Was it?
Yeah.
It's so strange, the live actor.
And James is such a wonderful parent, James Kay,
because he does all that work that I wouldn't do.
And I would say, I've seen you doing this work
where they give them values,
regardless of the money.
They're in, you know, they want their kids
not to grow up entitled and that sort of stuff.
And so he's, you know, his daughter is,
saying things like, why can't she marry the poor man? I don't understand. And James is saying,
well, it's terrible that he's discriminated against because he's got no money. This is awful.
You know, you should judge them from the person inside and all this. Defending Aladdin,
I said, I'm sorry, James, I don't agree with you. I think Aladdin is awful.
And he was looking at me, like, you're not helping. I said, he's a thief. Like, I was looking
at this story. And I thought, he's a thief. He starts by stealing. That's how she means. Then he lies.
The miserable bloke starts with stealing.
Well, I've got views on him.
Okay.
And then he's a catfish.
And also, I don't know if you've seen McVicca.
McVicca?
Yeah, it's about a famous of 60s criminal.
Yeah, Roger Daltry was it?
That's right.
Very well remembered.
But then all I'm saying is he's thief, and you're right, similar to Jean Valjean steals the bread.
I don't remember, isn't it?
I think it's Jean Valjean.
I thought it was less.
What if the lead had been called Les miserable?
For ages, I did think that.
Did you?
Well, when I was little, the poster's so...
It's fair enough.
Yeah.
Didn't realize.
And then he catfishes, Jasmine.
He lies.
Did you think the people were all called Sing?
Oh, God.
You can hear the people sing,
and you know...
Lucky's...
Anyway.
Yeah, I didn't know any of the songs.
I'm just saying.
He's a bad boyfriend.
I don't know what you think, Ruth.
But he catfish is so.
He says, I'm a rich prince.
It's a lie.
And then the genie, in the live action film, which is really strange,
he gets together with a woman in the court.
What?
The genie does.
Yeah, but he's blue and he lives in a lamp.
How is he having a relationship with a human woman?
I don't know.
I went out with a smurf for two years.
Oh, God.
It was fine.
And you lived in a studio.
Free petrol as well.
Well, I've never seen Aladdin.
I've barely seen any films.
You'd like it.
It's a whole new world.
Don't you dare close your eyes?
I do know some of the words.
And Abu the Monkey.
I've used that light before.
Why do you do this?
We're having a lovely chat.
You're not helping.
We're having a lovely chat about a lad in a children's film
and you have to make it blue.
So listen.
You know I've got a boss timetable in my hallway.
I do. Do you know about this?
I do, and I'm really jealous.
I love it.
It looks great.
You can buy them from Rackow.
Yeah.
I think they look great.
Yeah, no, I would recommend it.
So I've got one, but we tried to reboot it.
And when we, it didn't come back on again.
Oh.
So we have to get the man.
So the man came and he did it.
Was it hashtag gifted?
It was, I only ask that.
But you can buy them.
Yeah, I was just going to ask if it's an easy process to get the man out as a result, but it is.
Oh, yeah.
I think they're very nice, man.
Yeah, good.
And they, the thing is, it looks great, but I do use it.
Like when I was coming here today, I looked for the time of the next train.
I mean, I do use it as a timetable.
And when you get it, you know, because it's what you normally see in a bus stop, you know, the sort of thing.
Yeah.
So, you know, you get some very narrow plastic seating to put on your wall to sit on.
And a Coke bottle off for we're pissed to put in the corner.
Just to give you the bus stop, fear.
And a bloke, who you hope's going top deck.
Oh, yeah.
But anyway, so he reset it up and I'll be honest with you.
I let my PA deal with it.
Okay.
So when they come down, what we had on this.
there was...
Les Miserables.
We had local...
We have the trains that we use and the bosses.
And so can you request, I want the buses or I want the trains?
Yeah, so I'll say I want the 24 bus stop and the number one bus stop.
And they program it in?
And I want the Stratford train and the...
And then they put all those in so you get all those.
But at the bottom, we had Frank, Kath, and Buzz.
I think...
Lovely.
She calls herself Kathy, but...
I mean, 25 years.
Am I going to go to the second...
syllable. I mean, she's not impressed now. Anyway, so it says Frank Cath and Kathy and Boss on the
boss, which I like. Yeah. Anyway, when my PA misremembered what it said, so when I come down,
I hadn't even noticed, I heard Katz saying, that's got to go. I don't want that.
What happened? And I thought, I can't see anything. And it said, hello, Frank, Kathy and Boss. And
Cat said, I don't, I don't want that.
Why?
Too welcoming.
I thought, really?
She said, no, I don't want that.
So they had the bloc had to start again and take the hello off.
She didn't like the hello?
She wouldn't have it, it's gone.
Did she used to go out with Lionel Richie?
I think, I think she might have done, actually.
Why didn't she like that, her life?
I'm just, there are footprints on the ceiling.
I just didn't ask.
Oh, gosh.
I thought FCA Twigs was just passing from pole to pole.
Pole to pole.
That's what...
Paul to pole to pole.
That was Michael Palin.
Michael Twigs could do a show called pole to pole.
I don't think it's the same demographic.
Probably not.
You're the only crossover.
You're the unique crossover in the pen biogram.
The piling FKA Twigs.
Someone who's watched pole to pole and FACA twigs
writhing around on a bed.
Yeah, it's true.
Only you.
Not many of us around.
Can we just establish, Ruth, what does Kath object to?
What's her problem with hello?
I'm not totally sure.
Does she just think it's a bit live, laugh, love or something?
I think she honestly thought it made us look like we were going,
oh, welcome, coming to our lovely home.
And God forbid you should sound welcoming.
Whereas every, we don't actually say welcome.
We apologise first for the state of the house.
They always do that.
We do. That's my entire life is saying, sorry about the house.
But then I sometimes I'll lie and say we've had builders in, we haven't.
What about when...
They couldn't fucking get it because they're best.
What about when David Bidil came into Frank's house and said,
will it always be like this?
Well, I should hope that question is no answered.
I like it, Frank.
I think we need to rise up against the...
I think it's become an obsession, this house-prowed sort of cleanliness thing.
I think it's a bit neurotic and I don't.
don't like it.
Well said.
Okay, thank you.
So look, my son had his Lambda exam at the weekend.
You know, Lambda?
It's like an acting exam.
I do.
So to drop him off and then it's like an hour and a half,
I wasn't worth driving back.
So I went and sat in the park on my own.
It was a lovely sunny day.
And I've ever told you before about when you write in public,
people think, what's that?
What is that person doing?
So I was writing some jokes in this book.
Lovely.
I got some re- I think the fact there was women in their summer outfits as well.
I think people maybe thought I was making notes.
I mean, what I like is.
It's like a Victorian upskirts.
Yeah.
It's like a lovely lady.
No phone videos.
It's me writing very rough to aid de memoirs.
I mean, that's not a bit of them.
mini skirt, 11 a.m.
Lovely, sexy legs.
The 10.30s.
I suppose I could have been doing sketches, preliminary sketches.
Yeah, exactly.
And again, I wouldn't be troubled by sketches.
But you wouldn't sketch in a lined pad.
Men write, yeah, exactly.
Writing a diary is the least of your problem.
Look at that pervert writing about those women.
I think that's why.
But the reason I think you're seen as an, if you don't mind me saying,
an odd ball, you do that.
it is a bit sort of people judging you.
It's a bit like, oh, he was into poetry.
I think it comes from, why is he writing?
Well, it's interesting you say that,
because when I got like the fifth curious look,
I thought maybe I'll write another time and just read.
I think if you're reading, everything changes.
Then people, I think people sit next to me on the tube when I'm reading
who wouldn't normally sit next to me.
There's something non-threatening about somebody with a book.
Yeah.
That's my theory.
Because you're not going to stroke up a conversation.
No, no, never in a...
Never in a thousand years.
But if you've got a book, you're definitely not, if you're reading.
No, exactly.
So, the only book I had with me was the poetry of Rodyard Kipling.
Well, the thing is...
Is it now?
It's a bit...
No, I don't know if there.
There's a lot of progressives around there.
I don't want them seizing on me.
like, you know, sparrows and starlings on an exotic bird.
Shame, shame, shame, shame.
You know, all that Brexit rage has been bottled up all these years.
Come, just tear me apart.
Oh, mad, terrifying.
Where's he from, Kent, probably?
So in the end, I went into the cafe.
To read your Kipling.
Well, I fancied a cup of char.
You fancied your Kipling.
So what's that?
And the bloke come and sat next to me and said,
Frank Skinner, I thought, hello.
And then it's when you wish you had a chess clock.
You could just hit it with 30 seconds.
But anyway, he said to me that you'll be a bit surprised
when you see who's sitting at table 45.
And he said he'd pass it on the way out.
I said, okay, mate.
Anyway, I drank my tea.
I'm dying to know.
I actually can't wait, Ruth.
Should we try and guess?
I can't bear it.
Don't bother guessing, I forgot to look.
Why did you do that?
I'm sure my anecdotes used to have more closure.
Why is the point in telling us?
I really want to know.
It's a terrible sign of old age.
He meant such a thing about it.
My mind had wandered off to other things.
That could have been anyone, Frank.
That's like the alternative anecdote.
I know.
I never know.
Can I give you a tip?
Don't use that on Graham Norton.
No.
When they say what are your anecdotes?
No, no that the epidemic is finished.
The pandemic run.
What do you mean you don't go on there?
Well, I was on twice during the pandemic.
Did they get desperate?
Well, they didn't want to risk anyone that showbiz didn't want to lose.
So they just, they got, I was very popular on there during the pandemic.
Do you know, but you were so good on that show.
That's another thing he didn't like.
What?
Anyway, so...
You were very good on that, I must say.
I always feel so proud of the British comics on Graham Norton.
Because they're so funny compared to everyone else.
I just think they make everyone else look terrible.
Are you class in Graham Norton as a British comic?
No, I'm saying when you have the comic on the end,
so Greg Davis, you, Lee Mack, when I've seen, they always do the best.
I'm not on their list.
You are.
I'm not. I haven't been on, as I say, since the pandemic.
I am the forgotten man of the comic.
No, that's only because you said that thing to Marion Cottyar about flying ant
about, about Flying Anted. She didn't know what you were talking about.
None of them. None of them knew. Norton claimed not to know.
He wanted to side with the celebrity.
He wanted to keep in with the celebrity.
Exactly. He's prepared to deny.
It's universal truth.
Did the court crow in the background?
Three times.
Oh, man.
I bet if you could have just had a tiny antvoiced, I had too brutet.
Denied.
So anyway, you left the cafe.
He denied flying out day three times before the courtyard crew.
Before the courtyard crowed.
Very good.
What happened in the end then?
Did you leave the cafe after not seeing who that?
Well, I was halfway down the road when I thought, oh yeah, table 45.
Who could it have been?
Well, we'll never know.
in the hamster it could be a lot of people.
Well, he says you'll have a surprise.
Yeah.
It was still a black.
I think it was, let's be honest, it was a saving of a deal.
It was my first.
It was 100% Dave.
It was the queen.
That would have been a surprise.
It was a real.
It was a hundred percent.
No, it wouldn't have been dated.
How do you know?
You don't know who it was.
I just can't imagine him in there.
Why?
I don't know.
Oh God, you're going to say something rude.
No, I'm not.
I'll ask him about it.
Okay, fine.
Someone else I was in a pub.
And actually, what about your week, Emily?
You've said, nout about what you've told you all about Aladdin
and there's only a minute left.
We will discuss it next time.
Should we just sing for the last minute?
Oh, can we?
I love singing.
Yes.
Actually, there's two minutes left.
Looking like I could have played it.
Oh, we used to sing now.
Can I tell you what I'm doing now?
As a result of spending time with Adam Kay's children
who are the most polite children I've ever met.
Can I ask you a question, by the way?
No, I've got one minute to talk about my week.
Can you see the way my t-shirt has creased?
Yeah.
Can you see it?
It's formed an arrow pointing.
You know what?
One of my shoulders is lower than the other.
I didn't know.
It's pointing to my disabled shoulder.
This is the weirdest content you've ever done on the proper.
Yeah, it's lower.
I think one of mine is as well.
You don't know, but mine's noticeably lower.
Okay.
Everyone has a little bit of asymmetry.
Have you got one slightly lower?
Mine are great.
You're perfect.
Mine are absolutely great.
Mine is not good.
It's for parrots with vertigo, that shoulder.
But it's almost like it's naturally formed that arrow.
Just in case anyone hasn't noticed my lower shoulder.
I find it helpful.
Yeah.
It is.
You know which is the back one.
This way here.
If you're listening to this, that's not going to be.
Well, I'll send a photo.
of the fold.
Frank, can I tell you what I'm going to start saying?
I was saying having spent time with Adam K. and James's kids, who was so polite, they're like
Buzz, no entitlement and very polite.
Frank's looking down in a very humble way, which I like.
I don't know if I'm looking down in a humble way.
Oh, okay.
Can you look down in a triumphant way?
Yes, I manage that all the time.
I suppose God does it.
Yeah.
They say a lot, which I like.
they've been taught to say
no thank you a lot
but what I like is I started picking this up
so I just went and sat beside one of the kids
and if they don't like you sitting there
he just went no thank you
that's good
I think it's great Frank
because it's very polite
you can't take offence
but you just if you do anything like I could probably take a fence
you just go and sit near them
or you'll start talking which I love
I'll say well I've got her
I know when I've got it home
because my little dog, he'll say, no, thank you.
That's the gracious decline.
Yeah, the gracious, don't you think, no, thank you's good?
If someone starts telling him an anecdote.
If Doctor No, he'd have been English, he'd have been called Dr. No, thank you.
If he'd be raised properly, he would have been.
Yeah, well, he was at Raised properly.
He was a brutal beast of a man.
Where was he from, Dr. No?
Where was he from?
Yeah, what was his background like?
I don't know anything about his parents or schooling.
He looks at Eastern.
What would you guess he was?
Malaysia.
Oh, was he?
I don't know.
I don't know if he's there ever time down.
Doctor, no, thank you.
I like that's what they teach in private schools.
I want it to be, you know, when he saw him go.
So, Doctor, no, thank you.
I have caught you at last.
You're going to prison for a long time.
No, thank you.
And then he just got out an escape hatch.
No, thank you.
One villain who came saying no, thank you,
every time you try to kill it.
I'd just like to be one woman in those films that said, no, thank you.
Anyway, what were you saying?
I was just going to, it's all irrelevant now,
but I was going to say that I want it to be like,
you know, when you saw Ringo, someone asked for Ringo's autographed
and he went, no, you're all right.
Doctor, no, you're all right.
I love that.
Doctor, no, thank you.
See, I'd watch that.
What about when Ringo said,
I'm warning you with peace and love.
What was it, October the 23rd or something?
It will be tossed.
No more letters to this address.
Frank, you just took a drink and you just slurped it in the straw.
So it was the last bit in the glass?
It's very hard to slur.
You know what I have to say to you?
What?
No, thank you.
Fair enough.
It's the Frank Skinner podcast.
A new winter change is blowing.
It's the Frank Skinner podcast.
I'm not totally sure how it's going.
Thanks for listening to the podcast.
Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode.
And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via Frank Off the Radio at Avalonuk.com.
