The Frank Skinner Show - Frank's New Year's Resolution

Episode Date: January 26, 2026

Sara Barron is back to join Frank and Emily. The team discuss moving songs and Frank's teeth. Plus there's some Outside World. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

At Desjardin Insurance, we know that when you own a nail salon, everything needs to be perfect from tip to toe. That's why our agents go the extra mile to understand your business and provide tailored solutions for all its unique needs. You put your heart into your company, so we put our heart into making sure it's protected. Get insurance that's really big on care. Find an agent today at Dejardin.com slash business coverage. It's free. off the radio, it's the Frankskiller podcast, don't you know. If you see her say hello, she may be in Tangiers.

Oh, dear. That's my chances have seen her in fucking Tangiers. Well. Anyway. I mean, it sounds a bit Brexit. I mean, you're a man of the world. Oh, no, but international representation. Even if we're both in Tangiers, the chance.

I don't even know where Tangiers is. Is it, I don't even know if it's Tangiers or Tangiers? Is it Afrique? Has he got an S on the end? Why, you ask me? Why do you ask me? Sheponska, we? On Nord de lafrique, yes.

Okay. What about Joponska? Jeponska was pretty cool with me just then. This is Frank Off the Radio. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm joined by Emily Dean and Sarah Barron. Yes, Sarah Barron. It wasn't Miray Matthew.

You can follow the podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via Frank Off the radio. on UK.com. Meanwhile, I don't remember ever playing that one before. Frank, do you know what that reminds me? That was Louis Freeman's WhatsApp jingle, by the way. Some very middle-class friends of my parents. The mother was German.

And the father was quite a well-known actor, who you would have known called John Ringham. And his, the mother, the son was in a heavy metal band. Buzz would have loved it. And we'd watch these videos, and it was really hardcore. And she'd say, so much. Energy. Right.

So whenever I hear that kind of music, I think so much energy. Marvelous. Yep. I was at a party recently. Okay. Wow. I know. Do you do that a lot?

Do you know, he's very sociable. He was at the Savoy. He was at a party. Yeah. And I met this guy and we started talking. And you know that feeling when you think, oh, maybe I'm supposed to know this guy. who it is. Uh-huh, uh-huh.

It was one of those. It was really nice. And then I said, what do you do? He said, I'm a bass player. Now, I bore bass players to death if ever I meet one. Because the bass, to me, the bass guitar, is like St. Vitus' Dance or some sort of strange, slightly mythical, folklorish thing. I don't know what it does.

I don't. I don't know. My favourite band, The Lovely Eggs, doesn't even. have a bass. I can't ask a question. Who in the Rolling Stones, for example, is bass? I know that. Who is it?

Bill Wyman, he was based. Well, that says it all. No offense, but it says it all. Yes. Okay. But so I started saying to him, you know, and I always do this with bass players, you know, what does it do?

What's it for? So when you say you bore base players, do you mean you offend them? Well, I don't know. My New Year's resolution is to stop offending people accidentally. No, Frank, you're a comedian. No, no, no, I don't know. No, I said accidentally.

Oh, okay, okay, okay. Please don't discourage him. Oh, okay, okay, okay. Anyway, so we started... We started talking, and I said, should I know who you are? And he said, no, he said, if you was a bass player, you might have heard of me, but I'm not like a famous person. Oh. I said, what have you played that I would know, not that I would have noticed the bass?

It's already quite rude. Whatever it is. And he said, well, I played bass on Earth's song. Are you joking? Wow. I told my mother-in-law that, and she said, that's the most moving song I've ever heard. Is that What About Us? Yeah.

You and David did a sketch about that, I seem to recall. Maybe, I think we did. One of my favourite ever sketches. What's the most movie? The most movie. See, hers, Earth's song. is about, you know, the world, what's happening to the planet. My most moving song is probably old ship by Elvis,

is a bloke who has to shoot his dog because it's so old. Uh-huh. I can't listen to that. That and hopelessly devoted to you, I cry. Oh, yeah, that makes me go. Are you the same? Do you go? To hopelessly, from Greece?

Yes. No, that makes you cry? Me too. No, no, no, no, no. I told Ian Wright, the footballer. Yeah. This is all getting very strange. And he didn't believe me.

And I sang the song and he watched me cry. Yeah. What's getting to you guys so much? I have also any Carly Simon song, generally. She makes me cry a lot. But do you know about Carly Simon? No. I think she might be like one of the most insane celebrities alive.

The way that I know that, respectfully, is because I used to teach this. writing course, you know, for people like adult continuing ed. And this one was like, the story I want to try and write is that, was Carly Simon's personal assistant. And I think she might be the most insane woman who's ever lived and I'd like to tell her story. You know, just in a, whatever. So I've heard some stories about her. I think she's sort of crazy, which then affects the ability to do into the art sometimes.

I completely understand that. But remember, it's the mark, not the maker. Fair. Okay. Well, bear that in mind when we listen to Marla. Yeah. Did he do bad stuff? Oh, yeah, I think so. Did he? Frank Is there someone that you

I mean it's going to have to be your wife or child But I'm going to ask anyway Like who do you When you hear the song hopelessly devoted to you Are you picturing your own hopeless devotion Or is it that you have Toward your child or something Or is it like someone else's hopeless devotion to you

Or just love more generally I'm just picturing Olivia Newton John And you're crying Yeah Because it's the context of the song It's the way she begins. This is a broken-hearted young woman. She begins by saying, look, I know this isn't special.

She says, I guess mine is not the first heartbroken. Yeah. Her eyes are not the first to cry. Yeah. I do it at karaoke sometimes. I had no idea you guys felt this. I tell you why we like it and it makes us cry. Her voice breaks a lot, Karen Carpenter style in that song.

Does it? Yeah. When she says, I'm not the first to know. There's just no getting over you. The voice goes. Wow. You know what's interesting is for me, Olivia Newton. John RIP is someone who takes me away from the emotion of the song.

And you guys are saying she brings you in. She does. There's a moment in Old Ship where he has to shoot the dog. And I can't repeat the lines without Christ, but he says, he came to my side. Oh, God, no. He came to my side and he looked up at me and he laid his old head on my knee. I stroked the best friend that a man ever had.

He's crying. And I cried so I scarcely could see, right? But there's a bee in it, which always throws me. And he texts him to the doctor because he's ill, you know. Not the vet. It was a small community. I mean, that was the problem. That's why old Shep's no longer with us.

Well, this is, but this ship, so Shep's growing up. The years did roll, Shepie Goral, his eyes were fast growing dim. And one day the doctor looked at me and said, I can't know more for him. Jim. And I think, oh, who the fuck is Jim? Where did that come from? Jim? Why didn't you leave it?

So him ended. I can't do. I cannot do. I can't do any more. Just make it scan. But he thought this doesn't scan. I'll put Jim on the end. Yeah.

So at first of all, 50% of the population, I can't really identify with this song because it's obviously a man. It's a man's story. Anyway, that moves me. I get it. That makes so much sense. This guy also played based on Like a Prayer.

I'm obsessed with this guy. We're on some absolute classics. Are we allowed to say who he is? Well, I'm going to Google him. Well, I'll be Googling him. Like a Prayer. Yeah. But I don't like it when.

like, like, you know when you introduce the story by saying you could tell this guy with someone. I don't like people who carry themselves that way. Carry yourself like you're nothing. I don't know. He didn't really. You do that to be fair. I'd say he carried himself like someone who didn't need to carry himself. Well, that is attractive.

There's a lot of caring. Did you like him? I did like him, actually. Apparently he does a stand-up show talking about his musical reminiscency. That's he? That sounds bad. Stand up? Oh, sir, we like it.

Wait, someone who doesn't do stand-up doing stand-up, tell me more. But, you know, if he's got some good... Can I tell you, I have four number one? Also, you know what? Like a prayer and, what's the other one at Earth's song? Yeah. I mean, those are big songs. Do you guys...

Can we circle back to the old chef dog stuff? Or should we just draw a line? No, because he cries. He literally can't survive. John Barerman got into big trouble this week for doing a video. when he cried over his dead dog, which included the shot of his dead dog.

But I couldn't work out when I watched that, prank. I thought that must have been his living dog, the dog that's still alive. Was that actually his dead dog? I don't know. That was what the story said, but I always liked to give John Barron

the benefit of the doubt. Unfortunately, I'm not one of the judiciary. Hello? Yeah. I think you could do, Doctor Who could do anything. Well, it was a great thing. He was a great character in Doctor Who.

And also he did a very nice thing for me once. Well, that's all that counts. I was on a children. I think it counts. I'd rather take my own experience than secondhand one. Okay. Anyway, let's not go there. I just, this is, you know, despite everything I've...

What are you going to ask about old ship? Well, I just think it wasn't a question. It was just a sad thing. This is what about dog ownership I find... Oh, I'm excruciating. It says. Is I've got this little puppy, and she's... is so cute and I'm just sort of like despite everything and that I don't think I love her and it's

performed and this is all for my husband and my son. I am still, she's this tiny little puppy who like hugs me with her little paws around my neck and then I look at her little face and I was like, oh God, this is the deal with dogs, right? Is that I'm having this moment with her right now is a 13 week old. And if things don't go as I sort of hope they will, I'm going to be staring into her face when I put her down. No, thank you. What the fuck? Like, why do any of us do this to us? It's I'm afraid it's the great floor of the dog. Well, it's a great floor of the dog. You could say it's the great floor of the human being.

Well, exactly. Well, you could say it's the great floor of the showbiz career. Oh, I don't know. I had a bunny rabbit when I was. That's the saddest. But you see, I think with human beings, we get to live in denial and ignore the inconvenient truth because it's buried in the T's and Cs.

Whereas with a dog, because their life is so much shorter, we can't ignore that any longer. Yeah. It's also, it's about likelihood. Yes. Like the unknowability of if my husband is going to make it to 95 or 65 or less or I'll go for. You just don't know. But with a dog, you're like, I think I know.

God, I hope I know. Well, my dog was swimming in the Thames. Your dog is swimming in the Thames? Yeah. Why? We were walking. Me and Kath were walking the Thames path and the dog likes to swim. So it went in the river.

And then a very sort of posh couple came up and said, I can excuse me, but I don't think you should let your dog swim in the river because it's very polluted nowadays. And I said, if anything happens, I'll just get another one. Oh, my God. They didn't take it well. No. I mean, clearly it was lighthearted, with some truth.

Yeah, with some truth. How's the New Year's Resolution going, Frank? Not to make people feel uncomfortable. No, I said this before. The New Year's Reyes. The year's resolution is, what was it? It was not to offend people. Do you think you do that sometimes?

Oh, God, yeah. Do you? Yeah. I like to probe and I know what I've started doing is backing off a bit. Do you? I've taken on a sort of don't go there approach to conversation. So with the probe, you mean, I don't really like probe. Maybe we should choose something else, but you mean sometimes you get a bit investigative?

I think I'd just go after people. You poke aggressively. Yeah. Yeah. Not aggressively, but probingly. But in other words, it's not about what you're not doing is making someone feel really interesting. You're ultimately going to make someone feel a little stupid. Well, I worry that I might.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like I say, if you deliberately, if someone pisses you off and you want to piss them off back, that's fine. But, you know, afterwards I'll have a conversation, which I think has been a lively, colorful conversation. and Cath will say, I can't fucking believe you said that to him. Does she give you examples? Because that's sometimes quite helpful. Yeah, she gives me examples. Oh, that's, okay.

She keeps notes. You, because you're not a... She'll say that. For our arguments, Kath will say I was looking back through an argument we had in like 2017, and you said, what do you mean looking back through? And she kept notes. She's kept notes for all of them. Literal notes for your argument?

Yeah, yeah. I love that documenting them. Like some serial killer. I love that. But maybe that's healthy. Because then you know, from what I understand this happens a lot with people, you know, couples in long-term relationships with kids and stuff, you replay. You said this, Frank, haven't you, the same argument sometimes? Of course.

So is that very, that's useful to have Kath's comprehensive note archival system. Well, no. I like a sort of broader strokes than actual fucking footnote. I wonder, does she do that because she feels you have a real talent for avoiding facts? No, I think she does it because she loves to read through it. Wow. Interesting. Yeah. I'm trying to remember what that word's worth phrase is about thoughts seen in,

but it's about looking back on something that was very intense when you can relax and sort of wallow in it a bit. How interesting. Mm. At Medcan, we know that life's greatest moments are built on a foundation of good health, from the big milestones to the quiet winds. That's why our annual health assessment offers a physician-led, full-body checkup that provides a clear picture of your health today and may uncover early signs of conditions like heart disease and cancer.

The healthier you means more moments to cherish. Take control of your well-being and book an assessment today. Medcan. Live well for life. Visit medcan.com slash moments to get started. We should go outside world because I think we missed them last time. Yes. They're touchy. We should.

You know what they're like? They made a New Year's resolution though, which is good, not to be touchy. Do you remember you asked, Frank? I tried to explain this New Year's resolution to two people I know recently. And they said, well, I don't understand. I've known you for years. And you've never upset us. Oh, that's good.

And then I started giving them examples of ones. And then I thought, why am I fucking doing this now? I should have said, oh, good. That's my resolution. Not, well, what about that time? So, yeah. So 1-35 has got in touch. You were asking recently on one of the podcasts we did,

why high noon? You've just gone to see, I think, the theatre production, High Noon. Which was excellent, and I would recommend. Yes, highly recommend. But you were interested in the concept of High Noon. Well, I don't know what high noon. High noon is, as opposed to noon. 1.35 does, luckily, for you.

Okay. High noon is because the sun is at its very highest point. But that's true of every noon, isn't it? Well, this is what 1.35 cents. I leave this open to the floor. So then what is the number that if we attach 1-200 to noon, give me a number for high noon? Well, I can't provide you with that information.

Is there a moment when the sun is higher than it is at 112?0. The point is 1-3-5 suggesting that in those olden days when phrases like high noon were used, they weren't reliant on the clock so much. They'd say, oh, it's high noon. That's when they decide it was high noon, when the sun was at its high point. In medieval sort of agricultural England, people would say, so let's meet later, when the son is. You know that hill?

When the son's there, I'll meet you then. I was fabulously vague arrangements. I love that. No mobile phone. You know what? And I hope you don't take this a wrong way. And we always know that great things follow that caveat. But, Frank, I think you would have done very well in medieval England.

Oh, why? Well, I've got the teeth for it. I saw, I watched a bit of David Bedele's new show. cat, man. And my teeth. Really? Did you notice them? Oh man, they look yellow. I don't think they do. I just think you're the only person that's not whitened yours on TV and everyone else has. That might be true. Have you, do you, what is your, first of all, I think your teeth look grey, you look great.

Yeah, yeah. But what are, what, how much do you want to have different teeth than you have? Like, how much do you care? Well, I tried whitening. I heard, I heard this from your wife directly. And it was, it's a painful. It's painful? Yeah. What's painful about it? You have to put, let's like this sort of, I mean, whatever it is, it's got some bleach in it.

Sure. And you put those in like gom shields and you have to wear them for two hours a day. Your teeth have to marinate in bleach. Yeah. And it didn't feel a little bit, like what I'm thinking about is if I get the roots of my hair done, sometimes your scalp can sting, but you're like, yeah, but the roots, it's like, it hurts so good. No, but that's fine because you're getting your roots done. But I would go through that.

I'd have a week of that. I could see no change. Oh, I see. Oh, really? Not that... Do you know what, Frank? You need to go to Turkey, love. No, no, no, no.

I hate that Turkish. Can you imagine if Frank got Turkish veneers? No. No, but my dentist said... I said, I don't want those super white, like Jimmy Carthiethie. No. And he said, Now, I'm just talking about trying to make them less yellow.

That was what my dentist said to me. Kath told me that they were sort of literal. off the charts, which I am sensitive to teeth. I've never noticed you had off the church. What does she mean by off the charts? She meant that they'd be like, hey, Frank, this is what I remember hearing. Oh, my God. Hey, Frank, the dentist says to you, here are the different categories that we could go to.

Yeah. You're like that you were off the charts in terms of yellowness. That's right. That's right. They didn't have to matching. They didn't, they couldn't correlate to how yellow your teeth were. But I, had I, had I, is that? If that was something that I had noticed about you, I would not bring up this anecdote.

No, well, it looks. They're not that bad, really. No, they're not at all. That's what I want to do. My teeth look like a council house ceiling in the 1970s when everybody smoked in the family, including the kids. That's very funny, but I don't actually think that's true. Okay. So, no, anyone, no teeth whitening for you.

I've always wanted to do it. But like I say, I make a somewhat serious point when I say the only reason you think that when you look at yourself on television, It's a bit like we'll all say, you'll look at people on TV and they're God, my face looks so saggy and old. It's like, that's because I haven't had a facelift or surgery. And so if you look on TV, a lot of people have. Yes. So I don't think it's that you're... But like I said, I tried the whitening.

You just look normal. Nothing happened. The whitening was beaten. The whitening was beaten. The system of whitening was defeated. It had to hold up its hands and walk away from my teeth. You're going to need... I've got my...

If we met Chaucer, I bet his teeth would be pretty much the same as mine. Oh, by that. Chaucer would be saying rotten teeth he did have. If we could have found that scale that I was on, the colour of my teeth would be called Chaucer. His teeth were rotten. Oh, Frank, but do you not think there's truth in that? That it's not that Frank's teeth are yellow.

We're going to stop talking about your teeth. Yeah, no, no. I just don't think they're that extreme. I don't think they're extreme. But I also think, Frank, when you're seeing that the whitening had to walk away defeated, I wonder if you didn't sort of, because of the discomfort you were in, you didn't commit.

I think because of the mirrors have normalized. Yes, which he feels to be. It's the normalization of fake teeth. Yeah, I agree with that. And you know what? I'm going to stick with you, Frank Skinner. Yeah, me too. And your yellow teeth. Next.

I can't stop looking at them now. I don't think that they're that yellow. Okay. You're looking at them as if they are. No, I'm not. I'm just taking them in. I'm just still loving the idea of the Canterbury Tales and Frank being a character in it,

like the whiff of bath. Just purely on account of your teeth. Simon Oak has got in touch. Following on from how born in the USA always makes Frank laugh. Springsteen's classic Thunder Road, are you both familiar with that song? Of course.

Always puts a smile on my face. The lines go as follows. Show a little faith, there's magic in the night. I imagine Springsteen doesn't have an accent like this, but nevertheless. You ain't a beauty, but hey, you're all right. Oh, and that's all right with me. A hardly a ringing endorsement of the poor girl's looks. Steady on, Bruce, have a heart, is what Simon Oak always thinks when he listens to this.

So this is why this song puts a smile on his face. We used to have a football player. West Bromwich Albion. Actually, I'll spare him his name, but his chant. When he first joined, he was not great. He really struggled. And then he started to improve somewhat. And his chant became, let's say his name was Charlie Charlie.

Yeah. It's only one, Charlie Charlie, Charlie. He used to be shite, but now he's all right. And it's that now he's all right. He's still only got that far up there. The latter, we'd give him a chance, but it's a chant about being all right. That's so much worse, isn't it? Oh, man.

You can't even muster off strong feelings about him. And also they brought up the fact that he used to be shocked. He used to be shocked. But is that not all right? Like, you're all right. You're all right. No, it's a judgment where it. It's like six out of ten.

I love that. You're not a beauty line. I've always loved that line. Do you like that? Yeah, it's like, I think I always heard it as part of Bruce's inner monologue. I don't like it. Reminds me like, you know,

beer goggles and all that, the blogs used to say. I think that a certain kind of British man projects a masculinity onto Springsteen that Americans don't see. Is that right? Yeah, like we think he's like working class Shakespeare, but British people are like,

oh yeah, born in the US. And it's like, no, it's a critique on born in the USA. It's not really born in the USA. No, I think we do miss that a bit here. It's like, there's an earthiness. You're all right. Life is tough. I hate myself.

You're not a beauty, but you're all right. But you hear beer goggles. You hear a masculinity. Yeah, you're not a beauty, but, you know, needs most. Now let's get in the car and not talk about feelings. Any port in a storm. I hear you're a poet, man. Really?

A realist poet. Maybe we need to give Springsteen another charm. Well, any poet in a storm. May I talk to you both About an incident I had recently I love an incident It involves my dog I think this came up on the last time you were on

About people asking the price of your dog Oh yeah How much the dog cost I get this regularly And I've started to have to come up with a strategy Because I find it quite rude I had it the other day There was an elderly woman approached me

let's call it. I would say she was leaning into her eccentricity era. You know, very heavily penciled eyebrows, pink hair. I quite liked her energy. What I didn't like was that she approached Raymond and she didn't even say hello, there's no opener. There was no ramp. It's just, how much is that dog?

Okay. I don't like that so much. What you would want is to go, what a lovely dog. How much did you do much? You cost, my little darling. That's what you want, isn't it? Yeah, just soften it up for me a bit. You know.

It's like that Zuplar advert where there's a girl doing catering at someone's home and she says, this is a lovely house. How much did it cost? And the world stops because she's asked the wrong question. It just feels a slightly medieval, we were talking about medieval, but a medieval approach to animals.

Like how much are those oxen in that field? I think your dog looks like an expensive dog. Is that honestly what it is? A fancy boy. But I also... So it's... So, so... Do you want...

I have a solution for you. Well, do you know what I'd be doing? Is it a large price tag? Yeah. Now, I tell you what this is. It's a conversational reframe is what I do. This is great. Which is very British and Vindirect.

And possibly passive aggressive. I answer with something entirely unrelated. So people never really challenge you. If you say, oh, he's eight now. You say South Carolina. You've got it in one, frankly. How much is that dog? Nine.

He's nine years old. Numbers are bad example, actually, because she could have said that. But just something completely unrelated to the question that she's asked. And I find people are too embarrassed to push it. What were you going to suggest? I'd say I found her on hamster teeth

and she had a collar and lead on. You couldn't work it out. That's good. I would say like, oh, she was a guest, gift. I have no idea. Have a lovely day. Oh. But then it's also fun to talk about like why

what is so horrifying about answering the question in an honest way. Because I have quite an emotional relationship with my dog and I think it's ugly to remind me that it was transactional and I did pay for him. See, I don't want to talk about the price of my dog

because I don't like to say I've got the money to buy a dog like this. But this is what I find out. It's doing what I do with the dog when it started pissing in the house. It's robbing their nose a bit. But if someone asks you directly, I just, I always...

There's another thing, say, if someone said I like your wedding ring, that's meant to be something emotional and personal to you and intimate, would you say to someone, I like that, how much was it? I don't think you would. No, no, no, I would never do that. You could say the dog is the same to me? Yeah, I think, and it's about,

I just always find, embarrassment. It's not, for clarity, it's not that I think you shouldn't bat it away or that I think it's appropriate for them to ask. But I always think shame, or not shame, but like discomfort. A lot of discomfort.

Around a thing that, of course, you can afford. Especially what's interesting to me is like, you don't have the means that you have to do anything you've done. because daddy hooked you up, right? You're like this guy, you built this thing, you were really successful. All right. I didn't get hooked up financially. You didn't either.

No, but I did get contacts, which was helpful. But yeah, you're right. I didn't get financial help. There are no nepo babies at the table. If a nepo baby was like, look, I really get uncomfortable. I'd be like, yeah, I get why you would. But when you're completely self-made and there's discomfort, it's not that I think it's crazy.

It's just like, oh, but isn't that interesting? Like whatever you bought for yourself, whatever money you spent, you earn that money. So why the shame? Yeah, but I think I'm back to that thing of my New Year's resolution of not trying to... Like a friend of mine who was at school with was teasing me about the fact that I drove like a pension. And that's what he kept saying. You drive like a fucking pension. And I said to him, yeah, but I've got a lot more to lose than you have.

Yes. But that's fucking awesome. No, but it is that. He was hurt. No, don't encourage him, sir. But I do think, look, in that situation, I would allow that because what he said was insulting. Exactly.

So you're allowed that, Frank. Well, is it, was it insulting? I am a fucking pension. I also think I think I think. What does he think I'm going to drive right? I genuinely think that telling someone they drive like a pensioner as a compliment. Do you? Yeah, I do, because I think irresponsible drivers.

I said, did I say drive. I meant smell. Okay, now I see why you were upset. No, no, no, no. He did say. drive. But Emily, I think I think I'm very British about it and I think you're right, I find the subject of

money uncomfortable. It probably is that. But I get asked it a lot and this pensioner broke me. Because it was like Frost Nixon. She did not stop. She asked the first time, I tried whatever I said, I'm more of a bath than a shower person, conversational reframed. Then she went again,

but how much is it? And she kept saying it and I didn't like that. Oh, well that's ugly. Yeah, that's really ugly. More than you earn in a fucking. Yeah, that's it right there. Can you imagine? I mean, that's brilliant. But you're never going to do that. But I think you might say she was a gift, so I don't know. Yeah. Have a lovely gift. Okay, I might do that.

What about this? And I did a on questions, on the questions front, I did this. We're doing this improvised comedy show called Crowdwork. Yes. Yeah. And it's me and two other comics. and it changes. You'll be asked eventually. I've been asked.

Have you been asked? Yeah. Well, to be continued. So there are questions come up. We don't know what the questions are going to be. Yeah. And one of the questions, not for us, but for the audience, the question was, what is your biggest obsession?

Yeah. So I asked two people in the audience, what's your biggest obsession? The answers were Blackberries and equality. Oh. Incredible. I said, what can I do with equality? Fuck off. Are you obsessed with that?

And when they say BlackBerrys, are they talking about the handheld device? No, the actual... I happily no, because that would be a very desolate person if that was his obsession. Yeah, I'm obsessed with the Scion organiser. It was, in fact, the Blackberry. It was BlackBerry, yeah. Yes, okay. So what else happened?

Well, I'll see what's good about it, because I've done improvised shows before. You quite like improvised show, don't you? I used to do a thing called Man We Know show, which was just me on stage, literally with nothing. Did you say that might have been before you were with us, as it were, sir. But that was one of my faves. And then I did the thing called On Planned with David Bodeo. It's only on telly stuff. But this, it's nice.

I didn't know either. It's like Emma Doran and Ian Sterling. who I knew, I knew they were, but I didn't know them. So I'm on stage with two strangers, really. But it was very, it was, I see what I like about it, because I haven't heard any of the stuff that we are doing, including me, I'm like the audience and the performer at the same time. Like, you know, Paul Raymond, the sex porn king of,

I used to have a mirror above his bed. It's like that. You're the performer and the audience. I bet that was quite excited with him getting up in the morning. Sex porn king guy. I don't know who that guy is. He was a very tan man with a mustache. But what's the thing?

Exactly. You just said he. It's a thing you have to say about Paul Ryan. In fact, you know, you have to say he owns all of Soho, Frank. He owns a lot of it. Yeah, so I have heard of him. I mean, actually, the Duke of Westminster owns more of Soho, I would imagine. But anyway.

But anyway, it was good. I enjoyed it. And, yeah. Would you do it again? I'm doing it again tonight. I've got to say that. Who are you doing it with tonight? Tonight with Chloe Pets and Ahia Shah.

So it gets quite good people this, well. Oh, God, yeah. And it's, we had a Q&A at the end. First question, when's fantasy football coming back? Which every Q&A I've ever done in my entire life has included that. Not my entire life, but. the last 30 years has included that. You should launch it.

You could do a show, the rest is, or something. So what about this? I'm going to tell you this. There was a guy. We give prizes for the best contributors. There was a woman who shit in a carrier bag and put it in her garden because next door's cat kept coming into her house and she'd read that that would repel it.

It's a story that some men would pay. Some men living in Paul Raymond's properties would pay to hear. But it worked, apparently. And she said it. She said, not I heard this, but a thing I have done. I shit in a carry bag and put it in my garden. How in, like, I'm a pretty open person. And I don't think I'd have the ability to share a story that reflects on you in that crazy way in an audience like that.

That's interesting. Oh, I think she felt that it portrayed her as someone. No, someone who, you know, got things done. Fair. And I'm going to tell you this, though I know you hate puns. I don't hate puns, I just get do puns. We had it. Nicely handled.

Thank you. Me and Sarah had a long, me, Sarah, David Bedele and Josh Whittaker had a long debate about ponds. but this guy worked at a place with vaults, you know, like Gringotts in Harry Potter. Oh, yeah. So I sort of forgot these things existed. You can take, if you've got like a ring that's worth, I don't know,

whatever rings are worth, 600,000, you can take it there and say, I want to put this in a vault. And you pay for it to be kept in a vault. So it's totally safe. You're aware of this system? No, no. Yeah. Yeah.

So they've got these massive, those things where you're taking. turn a big wheel on the door. Like a bank vault. Yeah. So you put it in there. So he said a guy came in and he had he had these, he had these paintings and he wanted to put three monets in the vault. And I said, oh, mona, mona, mona. Very good. No, it made me happy. I can tell, I can feel the derision from Sarah Barron. I quite like it. I don't like it. It's never my, it's never my favorite it. No. I don't think you do like it.

I do. I do. You prefer a bag of shit anecdote. I prefer a bag of a shit. Or I prefer the anecdote about you like, you know, when you were talking about your Jerusalem Artaichoke. Yeah. Can we say for clarity, just for clarity, if someone hasn't heard the first podcast, that's not

some weird euphemism when you were talking about your Jerusalem Artaichoke. I was talking about a literal Jerusalem. It was a literal Jerusalem. I'm always, for me, I'm in it. I love a Frank Skinner pun. But I'm more in it for a French. Frank Skinner comparison. I agree.

A simile or a metaphor. That's when you really get me. When we had this discussion, something was, I can't remember who said it, but it wasn't me because I thought, oh God, that's a really good point. I think it was David Bedele. And it was about punning. And that is that people love a impromptu pawn, but they don't like one that's been written. Yeah.

I think that's true. I think that's a good point. I love it. It's no Frank Skinner Jerusalem Artochoke Day. No. It's not what is. It's not that famous bit about Jerusalem artichokes. Anyway, look, we're done.

Thank you, Sarah. It's always fabulous. Pleasure, pleasure, pleasure, pleasure. The next episode of Frank Skinner's radio days is out on Wednesday. We're in 2012 now. What about that? And this time we're talking about my sport relief swimming challenge. Oh, I remember that.

embarrassing. You know what happened? It's like David Williams swam the channel, I think, and then the Thames, and then I did a length. Yeah, but I think you came out of it well. Yeah, exactly. Yeah? Who laughs?

Who laughs last? Exactly this. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. A new winter change is blowing. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. I'm not. totally sure how it's going. Thanks for listening to the podcast.

Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via Frank Off the Radio at avalonuK.com.