The Frank Skinner Show - Frank’s No Influencer!

Episode Date: September 14, 2026

Frank and Em are in the studio with comedy writer Ruth Husko. Frank’s no influencer, and Em’s been to a wedding and brought treats for the team! If you want to message the show, email us at [e-mail] or WhatsApp us on 07457 417 769. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It's Frank off the radio. It's the Frankskinner podcast, don't you know? Whoa, we're halfway there. Come on, everybody. Whoa, living on a prayer. I don't think anyone should be able to sing that without people joining me. I agree. Man.

Listen, this is Frank off the radio. I'm joined by Emily Dean and Ruth Hosko. Follow the podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via Frank off the radio, tavel on UK.com. What's up? Did you get that band Meltzer to compose that for you? No, but they would have seen that as the first draft, I think. That's great.

Oh, yes. So, look, I'm no influencer. Oh, don't put yourself down, Frank. I'm no influencer. But, Abba, as they say. Aba, A-B-E-R, as in German. Not as in the group. But Superstore.

Yes. A TV programme that I have championed on it as the greatest sitcom of all time. And I have to say you were the first person, sorry, Frank to interrupt, but you were one of the first people to sort of create any awareness of that for not only me, but several of our readers.

Yeah, well, it was tucked away on Netflix. Yeah. Most of the people I recommended it to, which was quite a lot, I'd never even heard of me. It is now prime time Sky 1. It's on like 7 o'clock at night. There you go. All right.

I think that is. You know what I'm talking about? Also, stick around. Oh, here we go. More boasts. You know the Wild West Starbucks near my house? Sorry. I don't know the world.

You are getting desperate for praise. If it involves this, do you not know about this? The Wild West Starvation. Can you tell her quickly? It's the most down at heel Starbucks of the entire front. I can confirm that. You feel like you're taking your life in your hands going in there. Big splits in the upholstery stains and all that stuff.

Anyway, I went in there a couple of days ago. It's been re-upholstered and they got new furniture in. Oh, they haven't. Influencer, you said it. They got rid of all that. parra excrement. What about, no, they still go in there. They, it's only the locals.

They were making it look on time. I did the actual, the infrastructure has been improved. I tell you what, a Starbucks latrine is quite a thing. Oh, I can't cope. Have you never used a Starbucks latrine? Oh, I have, but I really resent having to ask for the code and all that stuff. Have you used a McDonald's Leroy? And also, imagine the bacteria on that code panel.

Oh, my good heaven. What about, have you ever asked for the key at the service station at the garage, at the petrol station? I have. Oh, do you need to do that? Yes, at the petrol station because it's an employee latrine. No, not anymore. No, sometimes. No, in the smaller rural, 1940s.

Oh, I don't stop at rural services. Do you not? Does your PA get your petrol, be honest? Do you get your own petrol? That's like saying asking for the key to outdoors. You don't get your own petrol, so you. I do get my own pet. I often get it.

They'll give you the key sometimes. I thought you had to have a key because it might, is it like 24 Evers? Maybe I don't. Oh yes, when it's shut. That's it. It's when they lock. Because they'll have truckers going in. Truckers use the key as well.

I've seen some signs. Oh, really? Anyway, let's move on. I don't like to go in there off post-trucker. Oh, you take chances, you know. So when I was in Edinburgh, there was a guy on called he was in, I told him went to see Shamilton.

Yes, you did. You did. I went to see the stand-up show of a man called Chris Grace. Right. Who I spent a long time with boss discussing whether it was a stage name, which was supposed to echo disgrace. But I don't think it was. Anyway, he plays Jerry in Superstore.

So we were both incredibly. excited that he was there, I can't tell you. And I was in the queue for Shammleton. Yeah. And a couple came up to me. They said, we've come over from Dublin, we bought you a present. We've come over to see your show, but we've come in to see this as well because of Chris Grace. And they gave me a Cloud 9 tote bag. Cloud 9 is the supermarket in Superstore. And he said, I actually, but we love Superstore. Yeah. So we know you do and we bought this bag I bought this bag for my wife

but we both decided that you should have it it's the best re-gifting I've ever had in my life oh that's a good bag and you'll get a lot of use it'll be a good friend to you that bag oh you know me I love a tote but anyway so Chris Grace came out

after the show and he was signing things so I had me me back I showed him me back and he looked to be you know sometimes people don't want to talk about things they did years before Yeah. Anyway, he said, oh, hold on, I recognise you. And I thought, no, you don't recognise me.

You're an American actor. He said, yeah. And he said to boss, is this your dad? He said, people tell me he's a national treasure. I thought, oh, my God. She's someone from Superstore. Oh, that's cool, isn't it? We've delighted.

I was like, as we used to say, like a dog with two dicks. Oh, he might be a nice friend for you. I don't think so. He lives in America. Do you know what? There's things like the internet now. You can have friends in other countries, Frank. You've got such a funny view of these things.

Friends in other countries sounds all right. I think that would be ideas. Yeah, that could be good. It would work perfectly for you, Frank. Yeah. Oh, I'm so pleased you got to meet your heroes. That was very good. And in this instance, it was no bad thing.

No. because they say don't meet your heroes, don't they? Who's the worst hero you've ever met? Worst hero? Well, the worst, I think the worst. I know what it is. I know what it is. Go on then.

I'm not saying it was your hero, but I'm going to say a disappointing experience for you might have been Gene Wilder. Yeah, Gene Wilder wasn't really a hero and he certainly wasn't after I met him. No, but in retrospect he's even left. And afterwards, when he wrote me a letter saying it's the worst interview he'd ever done in his life.

Do you know about that? Yeah. It's Jonathan Ross's favourite story that anyone's ever told. Well, he would like that, of course. I was going to ask you about when you interviewed Mark E. Smith. How did that go? Well, he arrived an hour late and said, all right, Stuart, how are you? That's funny.

He did it on purpose. Of course. But then he started to get a bit tricksy. And I put my hand. I can't remember it was his forearm or his knee. And I said, Mark, I love you. Do you know that? It was like when I met you.

I said, been nice. It was a bit like that. But I said, be nice. And he went, no, I am being nice, which he wasn't. But then after that, he was. So, straight, I think I got through to the inner mark. I think there was a lot of brittle outer shell to crack them. Well, there was a, yeah, certainly on his trousers.

I think there was an obligation. I think he felt a certain. I think they could walk themselves to the laundret. He felt, that's what I wouldn't go there. He felt an obligation to be a commodian, I think. You know, you know, when you feel you have to live up to young? Yes, that's interesting that, isn't it? It becomes, it was so his brand, wasn't it?

Yeah. I read Steve Hanley's book about him. He was the bass player in the four. And one of them. And a guy came up to him at a festival with a tom-tom and said, will you sign my tom-tom? I don't mean that sat-name. I mean the drum

and he gave him a byro and Mark just put it straight through the skin of the drum Well, that is signing it in a way And he said the kid was thrilled That he got this anecdote For the rest of his life I mean that's not great, you see Frank

I've got something for you both Oh yeah Okay You sound so worried What is it? It's a Claude nine tape bag He's already got one I, um, Godson's wedding last week.

Oh, yeah. Harvey. And... Is he a six-foot white rabbit? No. Okay. You're familiar with Harvey. You know Harvey.

Yes, I know, Harvey. And I got, they had a fabulously unusual wedding cake. Okay. They love Japan, him and his partner, and they go there a lot. So they had a Tokyo banana wedding cake. You familiar with Tokyo banana? No. No.

Okay. Well, I brought some for you. Tokyo Banana. It's the most popular souvenir gift that people bring back from Japan. Is it? And it literally means it's something like Tokyo Banana. The full name is Tokyo Banana Mitsuketa, which means Tokyo Banana, I found you.

But I would like you to try them to see what you think. They're small. They're edible. Oh, yes. They're lovely. There's four in there and they're small delicacies, so you only have one bite. Okay. I'll leave her to work away around cellar tape.

Yeah, I'll open the Tokyo bananas for you. It's got a banana on. Well, does that surprise you? Hang on. Given the title. Hold on. It's a banana. This would surprise you with a lovely little blue bow tie.

Yeah. Blue bow tie. No, would that surprise you? Surprise me. Yes. It's, well, my latest program now that we watch a lot. Go on. Is Young Sheldon.

Oh, yes. I've never watched that. So I've become used to... What is Sheldon? Small yellowish things. Who is Sheldon? You know, do you know Big Bang Theory? Oh, right.

They had a really good idea. I don't know if anyone... I think people probably... Is it a prequel then? So they've taken one of the characters and considered his childhood. Okay, I like this. I mean, I don't think there's a young Nospharatu.

Because you pass a Tokyo banana to Franksena. Right, should we all partake in a Tokyo Banana? See what everyone thinks. It comes with a... Most popular snack in Japan. We might have people familiar with this. Do let us know what you think of Tokyo Banana. I should say, thank you, M.

You'll hear lots of Radio 4 sound effects here. I also came across a lovely concept, which made me think of you. I was having my makeup done, naturallylement. Yes. For the wedding? Yes. We had a makeup artist who was... One of those people that come to the hotel.

You've got it on one, Frank. And says, yeah, when it looks for me, I don't really need to do that much. But I'll just give you a little bit of a shaj. Was it one of those people? No, fabulously, because this was my friend Jane and she picks best people, this one was German. Oh, okay. And I like a German because we know we're going to be on schedule. Hang on.

Was it a male German or a female? No, I don't want a male, of any description. Right, take your first bite of your Tokyo banana, Frank. And I want to see the reaction to the TB. It's really soft, the outside. I thought it was going to be crispy. What do you think of Tokyo Banana? It's very banana-y.

But not that Tokyo. Okay. Well, I'll let you ponder that. Do you have any comments you would like to make about the Tokyo Banana from? Only one. Good good morning. Oh, it's the wrong. Good morning.

Oh no, this is what? This is my comment. Can we take two, Charles? Good morning, Tokyo. Everybody. Happy to be seeing you, banana. No accent. No accent at all.

No, we're not doing the accent. I didn't do any accent. Anyway. They barely did it themselves. That's so wary people, aren't? nowadays. I was so looking forward to getting my makeup done professionally bit. I specifically said to the hotel, we stayed in a hotel.

Did you have Simba? Now, I tell you what I had, Frank. I thought it was like one of those face paper. No. Good idea for next time. I might go, that mind. I did, maybe Mufa. Oh, the sparkly unicorn coming down the left side of the face.

I might go for Mufus. Let me rephrase that. Sparkly unicorn portrayed. Yes. On the right side. of the face. Very good. I asked specifically, the hotel very kindly said, do you have any requests?

I said, yes, I would like an iron because you know me for income. I'm creesphobic. I have to have an iron at all times in a hotel. I thought that was your specifications for the hairdresser. Well, she got that as well. She got that as well. That was a homophobic joke. Frank, please.

I take it back. I'll take it back. I'm pretending it didn't happen. See as a BBC archive. Yes, it's fine. And I also asked for a bathrobe or two. Got to get a bathrobe or two. I was given three.

Seems to me women cannot enjoy any kind of break without a robe. I had three provided for me, Frank. Blimey. What would you do with three? What do I do with one? I used all three. I thought of Frank when I got the robes. Every day, every night when I say my prayers.

And tomorrow, I shall try once again to find a window when I'm supposed to be wearing that dressing go. I found nothing but windows. I was like Hugh Hefner. I had one as a sort of... So slovenly. Lovely and slovenly. I had one as a transitional garment between daywear and pyjamas.

Then I had one for post bath and one for hair and makeup application or H-U-A, as we call it. Anyway, makeup artist-arad. I was in Edinburgh for a month. Good for you. And there was two robes hanging in the wardrobe. Neither of them left their hangers for the entire one. Oh my God, that so makes me sad. What's the point of them?

Well, you would have been no friend to Hugh Heffner if you thought like that. Well, that might be a good thing looking back. Oh, not in my case. Is this some source? It's silica gel. No, please don't. It's silica gel. I would not be surprised to find the Japanese had silica gel.

Did you like the joke? You haven't finished yours. You didn't like it. I haven't because I didn't want to be chew. No, I did. I was chewing and my jaw was clicking. I'll tell you what this German makeup artist said, which I liked. I thought you were typing. I'll tell you what this German makeup artist said, which I think you might quite like this concept.

Okay. I was talking to my best friend, Jane, who you know very well. And you know that familiarity you have with friends? It's a wedding. Everyone's quite, sort of highly strong. And I said to her, oh, I only got about four hours sleep last night. And she said, why did you only get four hours sleep? And I said, well, I didn't choose to.

It was my bladder. Don't make it like it's my fault. And she went, well, I'm not saying it's like it's your fault. I was just concerned. I said, okay, I just wanted to be clear, you know, because I didn't want to start the day off on the wrong foot. The German makeup artist suddenly says, I like this. I said, oh, what's this?

You like me having a spat with my best friend. She said, no, I like the way you talk to each other. This is German friends. I said, what do you mean? She said, Deutsche Freunde. It means, you know, you are very direct. She said British people just dress everything up in politeness and friends go around resenting each other.

This is what we believe. Whereas with Deutsche Frunda, she said, and she's called it this. I don't think it's a, you know, standardised German. Well, they would never join several words together to make a longer word. God forbid the German portmanteau word. The portmanteau word. They don't have it in them, Frank.

And I love this though. Frank, please. Sorry. Stop it. That's how I speak to Ray. And she said, no, Deutsche Friend, we don't dress things up. When you're close to someone, we believe you should speak to them directly. And do you know what?

I thought of a lovely thing. You might find this too sentimental, but I'm sorry, I can't help it. I thought of you. I thought Frank is one of my Deutsche Frienders. Because I've said some... Yes, I must admit I've lost a few Freunders from being too Deutsche. I will say that. I'm not recommended.

Don't try this at home, Charlton. No, but I've said some things to you. Cruelty is my love language, as you know, and I've said some terrible things to you, and I like your bounce-back ability. I feel it's always okay. You don't hang on to grudges with me. I went, I don't hang on to grudges because I can't remember anything.

I'm also a very good, very discreet. Because people tell me their secrets. Yeah, you forget everything. And the next day, I can't fucking remember what that way. You forgot I worked at the gap. I've told you that. I know. I mean, who could forget that?

Exactly. God knows. I've tried. Anyway, we and Kath went to a couple counsellor because we were obviously not getting on very well. It's been a long time ago. And the first session we had, he said to me, so what do you feel about the relationship?

And I said, well, I feel I've really tried with him. I've really given it everything. But I've got to admit this last couple of months, I thought, fuck, you know, I'm flogging a dead horse here. Well, that's a bit really funny. And he said, I think there's hope for you to. And I said, why? We don't need to sit down.

I didn't even come for the tissues. Did I tell you about the magazines? No, stop it. I knew you were going to dismantle. I nearly didn't. You were going to dismantle a lovely thing. I thought, get the splinter out. You can't help yourself.

And that's why he had to provide the tissues. So he said to me any couple, because he said to Kath, what do you think about that? She said, yeah, I can understand that. I'm thinking that. He said most couples I have in here, if one of the partners said that, that would be the end of their relationship. If one of them said, I think I'll fucking flogging a dead horse. He said the fact that you two are fine with it, he said, people think intimacy. is all lacy underwear and touching,

but in fact it's being able to talk openly. That's it. There you go. Do you listen at home? Save you a few guineas. To your wife, like you're Terry Scott. If you're listening to June at home. No, I'm not her.

I'm not about other couples can learn. Other couples can learn. I see what you mean. That's good free therapy. But Frank, I like Deutscheferenda. And I think we should all be a bit more like this. Yeah, I might.

Are you up for it? I'm with Barclays, but I might switch. I might switch there. I'm not actually with Barclays. I just didn't want to say what bank, I know which bank you're in and it's... Not fucking coots, I won't say that. Oh, my God.

Let me just say that. Do you know your experience has put me off a life? I'm not rich enough to go there, but it has put me off. Can I say something also? What's your view on dancing? I was nervous about raising this. This is just my final thought of the wedding. Oh.

I don't like dancing. I'm afraid I dance. I do, Ruth. You know, women like to dance. I worry that I was too old to dance, Frank, but I really enjoyed it and I had a nice dress on. And the young people was so impressed by my vogueing. Because, of course, I knew...

What the fact you could just move about? Well, on my carer had gone home. Do you know, they couldn't really like a Vogue. And someone said, how do you know those moves? Did you learn it off TikTok? I said, no, it's from the video. He was going, what video? TikTok.

I said, not everything is TikTok. There were music videos that came out, and that's how we learned to daub. The original? They couldn't believe that that's how you learnt those things. Anyway, I do think, I did think at one point I got a, you know, that momentary Garden of Eden self-consciousness where you think, I mean, I wasn't naked, I hastened to it. I had more than a fig leaf. But I just think, oh, am I like a bit old to be dancing.

And then I thought, no, but I am really enjoying it. And I have got flip flogs. No, I think with women. You are really so young as well. Do you think it's right? With women, it's different. Is it? Women seem to have dancing in their bones in a way that.

most men don't. When women dance, it almost looks like they haven't thought about it. It looks like it's just in there and it comes out. I love that. They need to look incredible like me. Like, oh my God, I'm going to have to dance like an idiot or people who think I'm an idiot. Yeah. Or people, or it's incredibly performative and it's men thinking, I can dance and I shall show

them I can dance. But women don't even think about it. They just get up and it happens. It's beautiful. Sway a bit like they're at a festival. It is beautiful. Let me tell you something. I went to see Bon Jovi live at Wembley Stadium.

Did you? With my sister-in-law who grew up absolutely obsessed with Bon Jovi. I mean, she's got loads of merch. She went to see them loads of times. And my son, who is a current fan, and they bond fabulous. She bought them. When they got there, we went to the merch store and she bought them matching t-shirts. Oh, I love that. Not just a Bon Jovi, but the same Bon Jovi t-shirt. She is very generous, your sister, and all.

No, with Bon Jovi, I like Bon Jovi, but I'm not going to. I'd be lying if I said, you know, I'm crazy about Bon Jovi. Right. But we got there. And it was, it was, when I went to Abba Voyage, I got. I mean, it's the other thing with Abba. I don't really like Abba much. But I can see the joy with people. It's the same with Bon Jovi. Really?

It was, there was a bit, because we're at Wembley Stadium. And he said, yeah, we played Wembley and, this is John Bon Jovi, obviously. So we played there in 95. And I remember standing outside Wembley. And, you know, I was sort of looking at the arch and all that. And I thought, well, it didn't have an arch in 95. but he's American. Oh, yeah.

This blog suddenly grabbed me by the shoulder. She said, Frank, Frank, he said, there wasn't a fucking hard. I said, no, I know. Bloody hell. In the middle of the concert. I know, yeah. Oh, he was so quick to get in there. Because I interviewed him.

Oh, did you? Was he nice? He was very nice. He was the first person I ever saw on the planet who had the perfect teeth. He had the teeth on. He went early doors with the beliefs. It was like the early days with the teeth. Yeah.

You know how teeth have got like little indentations in them? I don't know what they're probably got a technical name. Yeah. His didn't have that. They hadn't really thought about it. They were just like these glowing white rectangles. And in the interview, I remember staring at thinking, bloody hell, that's absolutely perfect. Anyway, when Buzz got into Bon Jovi, I said, you know,

I interviewed him. He said, yeah, I had to look at it on YouTube. It's a bit laddish for me. Oh, like, really? Isn't that what Buzz says? I thought you're right. He said you were talking about strippers. Oh, no.

I've let him down. You haven't let him down, Frank. What a lovely lad, Buzz is. He is a lovely lad. That's exactly the right attitude. Don't think I've let him down. Think how great that we've moved on. Yes, exactly.

At least you're not saying. With your son. Anyway. We got the tube back. Now, I don't know if you've ever got the tube post-Wembley Stadium. But fucking up. It took you and a half. I mean, it's a queue.

But what was great is this security, a lot of the police and the security, they don't want to be down with us. So they're up on the raised bits looking down at us as we descend into the tube. Oh, I see, into the mouth. Yeah. Oh, God, it's like Dante's Inferno.

Yeah, it really is. So we're there with all these people plastered, in Bon Jovi forever merch. I'd say it's the only rock gig I've ever been to where there was more women than men. Oh, this I like. I'd feel very safe. Frank Skirr and a load of women. I'm safe.

Yeah. No face. So I think it was helped by the fact that Primark currently have a Bon Jovi section. Yeah, they do. Nevertheless. Yeah. This guy appeared, security guy, on the, up on the, up on the raise bit. Yeah.

And he had his phone next to the megaphone. You know the megaphone? Oh, yeah. By the way, it's a megaphone called a megaphone because it's like a big phone. Is it a brand? Oh, yeah. But that's what it's called a mega phone.

Yeah. Like Don Jolly. So it could just be called giant phone. Yeah, big phone it could be called. Anyway, he held his, I don't know if he connected it or if he just held it next to the mouthpiece. And what does he say? phone next to the mouthpiece and playing

living on a prayer. And we were all going under this tunnel or crammed in. Was it really loud there? And everybody started singing it, of course. Oh, I love that. I put a video online. It was actually, it was a beautiful community singing type thing. And living in a prayer you can just put down anywhere.

So we're all queuing up for the tube. Yeah, singing that. It was brilliant. James Bay was the support, by the way. Yes, I'm familiar with James Bay. I was thinking, how many, he's one of the great hat stars, isn't he? He loves the hat. Do you know him, Ruth? Do you know James Bay?

No. Thanks for the leaf. Forget it. No, it could work in Black Country. I think he's going to do Black Country. Oh, do you know, Bay, Bay, Bay. What does it mean in Black Country? He missed.

I don't understand your Esperanto. What does it mean? It's very old-fashioned, but you don't hear many. Many old blokes really would say, oh, Bay, are going down there, meaning I'm not going down there. Extraordinary. Yeah.

Okay. I heard of blocs say Bissent once, but that's really. That's really, yeah, Bist. That's going back. Yes, James Bay. He loves a hat. Who are the big hat stars, though?

Jimiracquai. Well, let's, excuse me. Boy, George. The Edge. By George. Oh, the Edge. Frank. Ferrell, Sandy says Farrell.

The Edge. We mentioned, Crows. Does he do a hat? He does a scarf. Oh, he does a scarf. Not necessarily he doesn't do a hat. Yes. What about Mark Rylance?

Does he... He's become very much the Trilby. Oh, we know why that is God love. Well, there's one main reason people do. I don't think James Bay is bald, is he? I don't know. I can't picture him. He Bay.

He Bay, bald. Oh, yes. Do we mention Farrell? Farrell? Ferell, Farrrell. Yeah, Ferell. No, I wouldn't have got that. You know who Ferell is, sir?

Thorell Williams? Yes. I don't know about the hat, though. He has a big hat. Does he? And obviously, boy, George. Yeah. I mean, he's the...

He's got a lot going on, though. He's not got the black neck anymore. I missed that now. I'm harking for those. No, the black net was his terrorist group. And he started. He's left the black neck. Yes, he left the black neck.

He doesn't do the blacknecks now. It was a great thing though. You know, you start getting the chins. You think I'll just paint your all that. He stepped away from Herod. That's not a euphemism about anyone's sexuality. No, he stepped away from Herr. He stepped away from Hedter's role as Herald.

Because there was a time people couldn't do that. What do you mean? He couldn't step away from Herod. He'd be held by his people. Oh, okay. I love the idea of that guy on that. So was it a policeman or was it a London Transport? No, it was like a security guy, bloke.

Okay. You know, for large crowds. Yes, I know. A marshal. I'm going to go martial. The fact that I'm not like mega fan almost helped. Because usually when I'm at a gig, I'm just thinking about the band and that's all I care of. Gave me a chance to stand back and say, this is fantastic.

People holding up their phone lights for, you know, for solo songs. Look, he did always at the end. you know that. Man, I looked around. There was loads of, like, big rough-looking, skin-ed blocks with tears in their eyes. Is he called, John Wont Jovi is his real name, so he just called the band after his name, his last name. So it's like you're calling it Skinner or something. Yeah.

Okay. I think there are precedents. Yeah, there are precedents. Yeah. And it's still a sex symbol then. He was in the 90s, wasn't he? Oh, he still looks pretty good. Oh, I'd describe him as fairly phenomenal on the looks front.

Mm. No complaints. Bos has got an action figure of him from the 80s. Skin tight and his massive, massive hair and stuff. And of course the son has married old stranger things, hasn't he? Well, yes. The son is... Married to what's her name?

Millie Billy. Of course, my brother-in-law knows the son. I mean, I don't have any special. Specialness anymore. Millie Bobby Brown, Frank. Millie Bobby Brown. She's married to the son. Sweet as sugar candy.

Yes. Oh, that was Millie Molly Mandy. Yeah. Do you remember that? Millie Molly Mandy, sweet a sugar candy, pretty little eyes are blue. Come on. I'm going to do the next bit, everybody would be. If they only could be going out with you.

It's still kind of okay. I always worry when it starts with... Never say what our age is. Millie Molly Mandy could be 58. Well, yes, but I think we know what the age will have been. Millie Molly Mandy sound just like... multiple choice girlfriend. It's like Mambo number five.

Manbo number five, yeah. Covering the little bit of Millie Mali Mandi in my life. Millie Mali Mandi. I haven't sung that for a long time. Well, as I say, we'll just have a check on the lyrics, Frank. No, it's fine. Yeah, I guess what? You can't be that confident of these things.

We just called them dirty old men. That's what you said about young girl get out of my head. Oh yeah, they were all like that. Yeah, there was a lot of it then. Oh my, oh my. Should we squeeze in an outside worldie? I wonder if we should. What do you think?

Yeah, shall I do what you do? Go on the cusp. Straight on it. On the cuspo. She's got fired up by that to take it of an honor. I'm just going to go for one of these. They're both silverfish related. That's all right.

We did do silverfish last week is the only thing. Okay. So if you've got a different one, but just on the silverfish, Yes, we had them in our house. And I find them terrifying. Do you? I don't like them at all. I never found them beautiful.

But they do look like very small anchovy. They do sparkle. Yeah. But you know, all the glisters. Isn't silver fish. It's not silver. Yeah. So we'll do the...

Simon Sudbury, because he's one of my faves. Do you remember Simon of Sudbury, Frank? Of course. Thank you. And, you know, he deserves, as I believe Arthur Miller said, attention must be paid. Is that what he said? Of Willie Lohman, yeah.

No, someone said it of Willie Lohman. Attention must be paid. Wow. Yeah. I bet he said that of Marilyn Monroe. Arthur Miller. Come on. So, okay, so Simon of Sudbury says, back in my boarding school days.

Simon says. No, Simon of Sudbury, Frank. Put your hands on your head. Back in my boarding school days. Probably had to put his hand on his head in the boarding school days. Willie, now, that's exactly the kind of comment I don't want from you. Okay. I spent my first.

The first four years in Dorms in the old country of the Cornwallis. Do you remember Dorms? He was a nice lad. Frank, what did I just say to you? Carry on. You've flagrantly disregarded it. I don't know if I've said this right. The Cornwallis and Cadogan family.

Cadogan. Cadogan, thank you. One of my fondest memories is going down to the corridor to the large communal bathroom during the night and switching on the lights. You would be greeted by a scuttling mass of not silverfish. I thought he was going to say my own immortal. Frank, three times you said unacceptable things. That's all right.

I'll be the judge of that. You would be greeted by a Scotland mass of not silver fish but cockroaches. Oh, less fun. Towards the skirting boards. Different times. They're less beautiful. Well, do you know, in Australia, those things are, you wouldn't like it, Frank. They're everywhere.

Croachies. Well, New York used to be a bit of things. Oh, did it? Was it bad? What do you think about the theory? that if there was a nuclear war cockroaches are one of the few species that would survive. Well, it could well be true. We just have to learn to get along with them.

I'm back in silverfish. Well, that's still the range. What about earwigs? They've gone the way of silverfish. You don't see them anymore. No. They're very 70s. The last earwigs I saw was in 1977.

What I never see is, you know, the sort of Mohawk caterpillars that I've really like hair. Yeah, I never see them. Whereas slugs, they see them. survive everything. Oh, slugs. I haven't seen a slug for age. Oh, God, when I let the dog out at night. So do I. Does the dog ever go near the slug? No. Oh, doesn't she? No. I can see the slivers of them, you know, behind them. Although, having said that, like pensioners. Oh, Frank. Frank, I'm worried. I'm that age now. As we get older, I was reading about the

smell old people. Are we going to get smelly? Get that smell. Is there a smell? I'm not the person to ask I think you need to ask my associates I don't care I think it's all When I was growing up everybody stunk like fuck Everybody's houses Everybody's houses smell terrible

Back me up Ruth I don't if it's still like in the black country Well a lot of us had dogs But honestly I could I could have sat And if you'd have had A scratch card with friends family homes. I could have told you who it was from the smell of their house.

There's a lot going on. I don't think they had scented candles then, did they either? No, there was no diffuser. Well, we had, we had candles because of, well, it was Catholics. No, we're not like Joe Malone panels. No, no, there was no Joe Malone in nowadays. There's germaline, just close. That smelled strange. A bit like, I always think that Dr. Pepper's smells like, Coca-Cola with germaline in it. That's what it tastes like. They should hire you to do an ad campaign for them.

Yeah. Dr. Peppers, like Coca-Cola with germaline in it. Sorry, just lost that sponsor. Oh, well, that's two sponsors, gone. Anyway, listen, the next episode of Frank Skinner's Radio Days is out on Wednesday. This week, I always wonder what's coming. John, what is it? This week, it's another pre-recorded episode.

I mean, why bring that up? It doesn't matter, Frank. Just read what's on the thing. And I teach everyone what a full Scottish is. I hate the sound of that. I don't know what was going on. We got away with absolute blue murder. I bet there'll be a flat sausage reference.

Oh, God. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. A new winter change is blowing. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. I'm not totally sure how it's going. Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via Frank Off the Radio at Avalonuk.com.