The Frank Skinner Show - Frank’s Radio Days: Cardinal Rocher

Episode Date: June 17, 2026

Frank, Alun and Emily are in 2014 and it’s the Winter Olympics! They discuss missing rings, television bedroom scenes, whether you should ask teachers for dating advice and if Alun is handsome enough for Holby City. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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It's the same combo you love, just with more ways to enjoy it. So whether you're snacking, sharing, or just treating yourself, nothing else is Reese's. So I watch the Winter Olympics opening ceremony. Oh, me too. What do you think? Wow, there's a lot to discuss. Did you watch it, Alan? I didn't watch it, no. What's wrong with you?

Can I say general overview? General Alfa view, better than the opening ceremony of the Summer Olympics in London. No, it's not. More expensive. I thought it was better. Why? I just thought the dancing. You know, the dancing was better. Was it on ice?

Was it on ice? Some of it was on ice. There was a ballet. Ought to be really. They shouldn't be allowed on any firm surface, I don't think, if it's the Winter Olympics. What about when the... The other man from the Austrian delegation fell over. That was awful.

Did someone fall over? You know when they're all coming in. They're all coming in and representing their teams. One of the Austrians fell over. See, that upsets me that I didn't watch it now. I didn't watch it because I thought they'd all be really good at slipping. I've got... I have problems with winter sports because it's basically all versions of slipping, isn't it?

It's like skiing, slipping, snowboarding, slipping. It worked, though, because, as I've said before, there are certain countries, which I call the Danny Monogue countries, which are the countries are the less... the less famous sister of another country. Austria, obviously, Kylie, is Germany, and Austria is Danny. So if one of those guys slip over, it's sort of, no.

But if it had been a German, you'd have thought, yeah, well, that says you right, Kylie. One of the rings malfunctioned. Yeah, but you know, you know what? Can I say this? On our cooker, exactly the same ring we're having problem with. What is the chances of that,

exactly top right. I actually liked the Olympic symbol better with one snowflake in the I think the Winter Olympics one should have one snowflake in the corner and the Summer Olympics should have the sign, you know, with sticks coming off it like in a Charles drawing. So when you see the Olympic symbols, you know which Olympics you're talking about? That's a good idea. We should write that down and put that to the board.

I watched the opening ceremony. I thought it was fabulous. and my girlfriend, who I watched it with, when the flags appear, and she said, oh no, our flag, our flag never looks very good next to all the flags. It's too busy. Is it?

Oh, really? And it is quite busy. In my design perspective, I just think it's a bit, yeah, it's just a bit British bulldog, isn't it? I know, we all... We could start a campaign to have it revamped, couldn't we? Yeah, I just think it needs simplifying a bit. Maybe just the Red Cross on the White House.

background. Hang on. Hold on a minute. Well, listen, if the Scotland gets in the pay, if they vote for independence, are we going to have to tip X the St Andrew cross out of

the Union Jack? Well, these are the questions that haven't been answered yet in the big debate. It seems a bit mad to have the Union Jack with the St Andrews cross if they're an independent country. We might as well have a red dot in the middle for Japan. Yeah, you can't have it both ways. Yeah? Well.

Did we take the Japan at some point historically then. No, but exactly. But you'd agree with me. It shouldn't be in the union, Jack. I don't know. Quite... Yeah, just leave it as it is. It'll get me wrong. I want them to stay, but if they want to go, they're going to have to take their insignia?

I don't. I think it's all right. This is the weirdest episode of question time. I've never been known. What about some of those sailors, Frank? Oh, I love the sailors. They had little vests on... When was this? Oh, this was last night.

Oh, on the telly? I thought you meant in Scotland then Can I just say? We had a fabulous weekend once we had Emma in England in Scotland with I think was it nine saying us? For a country that's having Let's see some issues with gay rights at the moment

It was very camp I thought about opening ceremony I don't know if it was intentional I was a bit I felt a bit They tip X out Speaking of TIPXs They tipXed out Stalin

They did He didn't go are looking. It was almost Stalinist. Even the communist, the whole, you know, communist thing, obviously I was looking for, I couldn't wait for the communism to compete.

It was all about the history of Russia. Yeah. And I thought, oh, this will be, you know. And there was some missile action, but, I mean, generally they... Some missile action. Generally, they played it down. Even the space race, I felt, was played down.

Although, very exciting when Valentina Tureshkova came out. First woman in space. Oh, yeah. The only person to say that, in the world. No, I was genuinely, properly excited by that. I do love a cosmonauts, don't you? I do love a cosmonaut, but a female cosmonaut.

Yeah, exactly. She's ticking a lot of boxes for you. Yeah, and she looked... Out of this world? Sturdy. You know what I mean? She looked like a woman even now, who you wouldn't want to elbow if he was getting on a boss with her. 760s texted us. You mentioned

TIPX earlier, Frank. Did you know it was invented by Mickey DeLenz's mother? That's from Dan in South Mickey Delenz, of course, was in the monkeys. Yes. So was Mike Naismith, whose mother invented Tippex. Yeah. I'm afraid you've got the wrong monkey.

Oh, is he? I hate it when people get the wrong monkey. When you get the wrong monkey, it's one of the worst things. Yeah. Mike was the one I fancied. Who was the one you fancied? I think mine was Peter Tork. Oh, okay.

But, you know, I just like that because he was so cheap. Yeah. Speaking of cheap, I watched, you know, I've been about to watch the musketeers. You have been about to watch the musketeers. Because it's got Kapalding it, so I'm interested to see it. Why did he take that part? That must have been before Doctor Who. Yeah, it would have been, yeah.

But he was, I thought he was good, actually, but I think here's another texting for this morning. Who actually likes bedroom scenes in TV dramas? Why do they have those? You're going to sound prudish here. Why don't you like them? It's a sort of prudishness in that I just find them tedious and embarrassing. And if I wanted to watch a bedroom scene, I would turn to the internet. Right.

Whereas. No, but I'm not saying I do want it. Oh, my sweet. It's not going to have it, George Harrison. I, uh, I, uh, I just think that I don't want, I don't want, it's a romp is what it is. It's good-looking actors and actresses in bed talking about Cardinal Richelieu. I mean, who wants that?

I'm so dis-perfrofowardly. Well, don't come around to mine then. Pardon? Don't come round to mind if you don't like that. I'm sorry. No, but it could have been such a, I bet there's none of that in Alexander Dumas. Was there a couple of bed scenes were there, then? You don't think there is.

You don't think there's some... Some bed scenes in the book, you don't think? I doubt it. You know what I hate about that musketeers? It's British and it's free. And those are my two worst things when it comes to tell you. I can't bear that. It's just that cheapness.

I don't know if it's cheap in fairness. All I saw. I'm sure it costs a lot to make, but don't put it in the bedroom scene. Honestly, if anyone enjoys a sort of bedroom, you know, talking to a wench in bed and the bloke's showing his scars from some. dueling scars or it's like that. And they all look like... And they'll feed each other grapes.

They all look like Oliver Martinez. Every one. Remember who went out with... Yes. And Frank, why do they end the bedroom scene? They laugh. They laugh throtally. And then they get back to the business again.

Just why? Why? Why can't we take... You know, if you watch Challenge Channel, there's a big question mark in the corner. Can we just bring that in over the bedroom scene? So just say, why are we having this? Radio Base, France comes with your ways.

688, Fiona agrees with you. I hate TV kissing scenes. Yeah, why do they bother? That noise of sucking, she says, that's made. And also, there's like music and everybody's beautiful. Mm-hmm. And also, I find that the sheet doesn't tend to stop just above where it gets rude. The sheet goes where it likes.

The sheet? Yeah. It's like the sheet. I find the sheet ends up in a crumpled ball at the end of the bed. They always have one sheet. They never like have a duvet. Because you're watching the musketeers. I'm thinking, surely it was freezing in those old houses.

And they've got a tight. One silk sheet, they've got on the bed, that's all. And why does the silk sheet go at the angle where it covers the man's, his sort of central half, let's call it, and the lady's some top half? Yeah, exactly. Always that angle. So that's today's texting.

45 degrees. If you two hurt the rude bits on telly, texting on 812. Well, they're not rude, are they? It's like teenagers Oh, watching this John in Telford says I agree about the bedroom scenes I also hate them in a novel

I skip past them I do Do you? Yeah, I hate them in the novel That's why I love your copy of Lady Chattley's lover It's immaculate It is, yeah

Well, I had an argument with David Bada He was on about the bad sex awards You know, when people get condemned And I said, I just wish there was no sex in books at all What does he say? And, well, I think we came close to off an argument about it.

Because he likes John Opdyke and stuff. Oh, God. Yeah, that's all there is in there. Well, I wouldn't go so far as to say that. But it's not for me. But that's not for me, as they say in Germany. Right. Okay. We've also...

Can I have another texting question? Yeah, go on. I'd like to throw out some questions out today, you know. This is based on the George Clooney coffee advert. which is it's George Clooney. Yeah. The George Clooney coffee adverts and the question for our readers is

how much money does a person need? Okay. 8, 12, 15. That's the texting. It was asked many years ago and a different guy, why was it Tolstoy? Well, I just, do you think George? I know. You're doing a coffee advert?

But it's George Clooney. I know, but if George Clooney lived to be 5,000, He would not run out of money. He might be worried about 5,019, though. That's the thing, isn't it? He might be thinking, what if I get to 5,000? What if I get to 5,019? Hey, there we go.

You know I looked at the door, then? I thought it'd come in with coffees for everyone. I do all the voices. What if he came in? Coffee! With a try. He'll be doing that in the next advert. If they up the money a bit,

coffee, hello, George, coffee, in a silk sheet, just hanging just below his navel. At 297, Chris has texted, Frank, there were certainly no bedroom scenes in Dog Tanyan and the Muskahounds, which sets the benchmark. Definitely not. And whereas we know dogs, they're never more than six yards away from the physicals. Oh, they love a bedroom scene, the dogs, don't they? I don't have to be in the bedroom. I'm glad someone's brought up Dog Tanyan, because that is one of the problems I've had watching the musketeers is every time they say D'Artagnan, I have a little bit of going, I thought they've mispronounced that.

Oh, no, this is the right way. You're coping with Scott's Dracula series. You're thinking, you know, that's docular, isn't it? I haven't watched that, yeah. My problem with the musketeers, you see, you talk about the bedroom scenes, too many clothes. There's hats, there's breeches, criss-cross shirts.

They're all trussed up like turkeys. Just have a cloak. But as a producer was saying, Daisy, during the break, that those scenes always end with someone having to jump out the window. It's been quite a bit of jumping out of the window. And there was plenty of that. Yeah.

And it's the same in any... It was the same in Robin Asgwit's confessions of a window cleaner. So it's the same trope. The only difference is, instead of, oh, it's my husband, it's, oh, it's garden or richly. That's the only difference. I wouldn't mind seeing the three chocolate ears as a show. There's a spin-off.

Yeah, let's do that. I'm panicking about this... Sorry, Al, I was going to say, I'm panicking. You know this tip-ex fact? Yes. Which started life as one of those things that everyone knows, which is Frank. Well, it started off from one of our readers who said that Mickey Dolenz's mom invented Tibbet. And the monkeys.

Yeah. Frank and I corrected him. Yeah, we've corrected him with Tippx, as it were. We were convinced it was Mike Naismith. We're certain. Woolhat, as he was sometimes known initially. He was known as Woolhat. Was he?

And then we had a couple of texts saying, in fact, it's Peter Talk's mom that we were wrong. Now, at first I thought, nay, nay, nay, Smith, I thought to myself. But now I'm thinking that maybe they talk. Sooth. Talk. Sooth. I'm not going to doubt. You know, we've always been anti-Google and the like on this show

because we feel that we should, well, you can Google stuff you don't know. Yeah. But not stuff you don't remember. But we think it now. to Google it, because I didn't know any of these things. I hate it when you're self-effacing. So, I think we're going to actually Google. Should we do a live Google?

Let's do it, the first time ever. Should you get a jingle for it? I'm going to, because 760 Frank also says, I'm sure it was Mickey DeLens. So are you sticking with Naismith? I'm sticking with Naism. 100% Naism. I have been slightly swerved, but it isn't DeLens. What they're thinking of, who was Circus Boy?

That's that fact. Also, Mickey DeLens, I think, produced. I think one of the finest television shows. Okay, I'm live Googling, Frank, as we speak. Metal Mickey. I'm punching in. Hold it. A bit of, a bit of music.

This is what I always Google to. I think when you Google, this should just automatically go on your computer. Monkeys, tip X. Yeah. I love typing that in. Okay. And the answer is? I think I have an answer.

Is it just like advice on how to get the peps off? of Tipx was Betty Naismith. Liquid paper it was called originally. There you go. Reson. Skinner and Dean triumph out. Absolutely marvellous. I once heard the right-wing historian David Irvin interviewed on the radio.

And he said he launched what I think they're called nowadays as a diatribe, which I just thought was a very, very poor tribe. But he launched a diatribe against women in general And said, you know, they've never invented anything And the interviewer said, well, I believe they invented tip-ex. He said, well, they'd have to, wouldn't they? The implication being they made so many mistakes in the office.

And I suppose they type. They're the typists of the world, he was suggested. That guy. He was a dreadful man. Frank, and the three chocolatiers, that adversary would be Cardinal Roche here, shortly. Very fine, the 546. Yeah, very fine.

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They're called fans. Fans don't just listen to music. They feel seen by it, like it belongs. to them. So when your brand shows up on Spotify, that's who you're talking to. And you're right next to artists like me, Lizzo. So, are you ready to talk to fans? Spotify advertising. You're among fans. It's cold, Frank's Christmas, radio days. I don't mean days as a stupor. A mean days as in a seven for the week. So this is a take not a blooper. We need to talk about Jose Alvarenga.

I think I've got that right. He's not a football manager. Is that the first draft of we need to talk about Kevin? A bit of a mouthful, isn't it? He's the, I'm going to say, legend that has been on his boat for 14 months.

Oh yes, he's that man. The castaway? Can I just say that clattering sound you can hear? Is the producer? stopping her face with cake. I thought it was a Clooney coming in with the espresso. Yeah, so we should say this bloke, he claims.

There's been some doubts about this. Oh, yeah. Jose, yeah. That he's been on an open boat. La Chancha? He's been alone, alone, all alone, alone on an open sea. La Chancha? Are we going to quote the rhyme of the ancient mariner a lot?

The Daily Mail quoted the right of the ancient mariner. They said that Colerid says, jokerly water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink. I don't know, I'm not sure it's a gag. No. But anyway.

So yeah, they so they're saying that maybe he wasn't in an open boat for 14. No. He looks like a castaway, doesn't he? He had a big bushy beard. But it was more Adam Buxton.

It was more healthy. Yeah, I thought it looked quite good. when he got off the boat and then they gave him a trim and made him not so good. So that was a mistake. What I do not want is a castaway who's had a shave. You don't like your castaway to be made over straight away.

No, I just, I mean you've got to enjoy the castor white look for a bit to you know, till you've done a couple of chat shows and stuff. Totally, yeah. I'll tell you what I found a bit suspicious though, Frank. It's after, was it 14 months he was living at sea apparently? Yeah. What I found rather suspect was that when he drifted

shore and then found these villagers who ran towards him with coconut water and a papaya fruit. He apparently put up his hands and said, no, no, tortilla. Yeah. No, I think he said, hadn't he been living on turtle blood? Yeah, and raw fish. He'd misheard him. He said, never got any turtle blood. Yeah.

I've, you know, when I, I saw him without the beard, I really felt let down. Uh-huh. It was like a castaway, a clean-shaven castaway. I know. It was like, it's like when me and David Bersillo went to the Moulin Rouge in Paris and they didn't do the can-can. No. Yeah. That's terrible.

I mean, you know, why go? What about when the doctor examined him and said he has no cough, no fever, plus he's not that thin? I would have killed that doctor. Yeah, I felt that was a bit cool one. Can you imagine? Plus he's not that thin. I would just die. He gets off and you make him body dysmorphics straight away.

Give the guy a break. I have to say now. Tippedow around it for a while. I find it. Very fattening turtle blood. Yeah. The raw fish should counterbalance that, though. The sushi, sashimi, that should help, shouldn't it?

14 months of it. It's a bit semi after about 13 months, isn't it? It's a bit Nobu 2007. I liked it when they said that no sooner had he landed than locals looted his boat. And I thought, that's absolutely terrible. Then I read a little further and it says they took a knife and a long piece of wood. I thought, now, is that looting? Does that honestly qualify as looting?

If you only need two hands, it's not looting, is it? I didn't think, as well, has the writer never heard the word mast? That's what I'm guessing's happened there. Frank, you know, the best news of all, he had the old tattered shorts with the intact button Hulk style. He did, yeah. Yeah. But there were boxes, weren't they?

Just a pair of boxers shorts. There was one hole in a... Yes, well... He'd obviously not been playing sport on the day that he left, otherwise he'd be in a pair of briefs, wouldn't he? And also... You would. Also, they said he was in Mexico,

but he was an illegal immigrant in Mexico. But Mexico were letting him off because of his castaway. And then there was even more rumour, which I... This sounds like I'm making a joke, but I heard on the radio that there was suspicion that he was a trained guerrilla, and I misheard gorilla for griller.

You did not. I did. I thought, it's amazing what they can do now, in it. I want to talk about this student who's doing this biology exam. Oh, do you? That is absolutely disgusting. Is it looker, is it? And I like it. No, he decided to ask his teacher for advice. Well, he didn't really. He was a bit cheeky. He didn't know the answer to his biology question. And can I tell you what the question was? Explain how a nitrogen atom in the upper atmosphere becomes useful to an archaeologist trying to determine

the age of a bone. And that's today's texting, ladies and gentlemen. No, because we have to sort of read us that we'll know the answer to that. It'll be something to do with carbon dating, weren't it? Yes. Yes. Do you remember carbon mating?

What was that? That was something we did on the show? I don't know if we ever did it. We were talking about it. Carbon mating was in one of the papers. It was an article. It was about people who always go out with people that look the same. Like Rod Stewart always goes out with like tall, blonde with me.

Uh-huh. So, yeah, so carbon mating. So anyway. Chew that over. You can use that in your everyday life. Yeah. Remember my theory was. What was it?

That Rod Stewart always goes out with women that look like that because he doesn't want to change the girlfriend picture on his wee. Carry on. Anyway, the student didn't know the answer. So he said, since I do not know this, I have a question for you. I just started texting this girl, and I know she thinks I'm cute, but I don't really know how to start a conversation with her. So I was wondering if you have any ideas.

He wrote that in his... In his exam. Yeah. To Mr. Jay. I love the sound of Mr. Jay. Sounds a bit children's TV. Do you know what Mr. Jay said? He said, impressive by talking about how atmospheric nitrogen can be used to age artifacts.

Works for me every time. Good for Mr. Jay, said. He's a bit of a comedian. He's brought him. But he could have responded in an angry way. Yeah. You know, but... Pull your socks up, young man, this is not a joke.

But, you know, the way he's taken, he's joined in a bit, but he's also reminded him, you know what, you get more out of them like that. Yeah. I think you'll find he's murked him. He's murked him? That's what the youths call it. Is it?

What does it mean? I don't know, but Rio Ferdinand did a sort of stunt show where he did pranks on fellow footballers, and he'd say at the end, you know. Pranks are great, aren't they? He said, David Beckham, you've been murked, son. That's what he said. Oh, dear. I bet David Becker misses that banter.

He doesn't miss the training. No, but he misses the banter. I think he still does the train. Can I just say I agree with Mr. Jay? I'd be very impressed if someone knew about atmospheric nitrogen. Really? Wouldn't you? I think they were a lot cleverer than me.

See, what that kid has done, he's thought, you know, this girl, she's not going to be interested in the academic side. It's all about, you know, whether I'm, whether I'm murk people or not. And I think, I agree, I think, although, you know, I remember sitting talking to a girl at Warrant University on a bench. Oh, yeah. And I was being at my most witty and fascinating. And she kept looking up at my shoulder and there was some man digging, literally digging a hole, a young man with his shirt off. And was he stealing focus somewhat from your witsons.

And honestly, I was on fire. If I had taped it, it would have been, uh, it would have been, uh, I could have just put it out as a one-man show, or would you? I worry that Mr. Jay has set a precedent now that if kids don't know the answer in exams, they just ask the teacher a stupid question, and then the teacher's sort of obliged to answer it. Yeah, but he wouldn't have got any marks, would he?

He'd have lost a whole section there. All right. So there's any children listening? All right, sir. A whole section. Would you ever ask a teacher, a teacher about dating advice? No.

I think I told you about Mr. Orchard, that teacher, when he brought his girlfriend to the school hockey. What? I love the sound of Mr. Orchard. Was he burning him then? He walked around, I think he's from the West Country. He walked around with his... I've told me, he had his hands folded behind his back

with one index finger sticking out. Just stick it out of the folded hands. And his girlfriend held on to that index finger. Like, you know when you see children doing the crocodile down the straight thing? She just held onto his index finger and walked with him. It was... Honestly, I thought I was going to throw up. Going to a science teacher for dating advice.

I know, but biology. Yeah, well, the question should be... I know what you mean. If I was having troubles with my relationship, I wouldn't found Professor Brian Cox. I can't imagine what I'd found him about. Why are they doing atmospheric nitrogen? We used to do life cycle of a fly. We never did that.

We did the fishing industry in Scandinavia. Did you? That's all I remember that we did at school. Rat autopsy. Love that. rat autopsy. Rat autopsy. They were a great thing.

Did you do that? They were. I'm not being rude, but that was a bit expensive for your school probably. No, I don't. Because we had to buy the animals there. I don't like that.

You are being rude, but you're probably right. No. One thing we had plenty of was rats. So, we did that. Looking back now, I feel so awful that we did that.

But at the time, I didn't even think of Bernie. At the time, it was great, wasn't it? We used to have an African... Claude. I loved Autopsy. I used to be an African... Claude, boiling, forever boiling in the corner of the biology lab, like an eternal flame.

Is that right? Yeah, like a boiling cylinder of water. It's all swollen up. I mean, I'm going to take Emily's tone here and say, I would have thought, that would have been a bit expensive for your school. Africa, Claude. I think it had fallen in. I don't think it was... You think it had just come to West Bromwich from Africa? I think they'd just put the kettle on and it took a short cut.

You know, when you have a soft drink and there's a nap, landing on the top of it. It's like that. France goes radio days. France goes radio days. That's one thing I found about the Olympic Open ceremony, and the bloke got up and talked about Russia, the Russian representative. Yeah. You never get people

statesmen being modest about their country. They never say, you know, we're nothing special, Russia, but, you know, we're trying out. It's always, like, the fabulous country we have a traitor to see. You think, oh dear. We're nothing special. I'm not sure it's in the Russian DNA to come out and go, hey, hey,

No, but any, you'd never even... In fact, I'm a bit of a bit of us. No, but, you know, David Cameron will say, and, you know, British industry, what, with the envy of the... You'd never say, you know, things haven't gone so well in this contest, if people aren't, you know, they don't care as much as they used to, but we're battling on, you know, and it's all...

You know, we're all friends. Why don't people stop showing off? Well, this is the sort of text that we're more likely to read out, although it does contain praise. Is it Stephen Sue? No, this is... Stephen Sue? This is 764.

Was he the Chinese detective? No. Dear Frank, I enjoyed the show last night, standing by the bar, but was mesmerised by your choice of shoes. I think that's someone that's seen your stand-up, but instead of saying, hey, it's really funny, you were well-shod. Did you have your caramel brogues on?

But it does make... I think I did a moment... It does make you wonder, doesn't it, if the mind has... You know, I mean, they've drifted away a bit if they start looking at your shoes. We got a text earlier about my hoodie that I wore for my game. I'm going to read it now. It's from Stephen Sue.

They want to say, good morning, to ask guys and girls. Morning. Also, they want to wish Alan a happy birthday. I don't know if we can say guys and girls. No, I don't think we can. I'm really sorry about that, Stephen Sue. We didn't know you said. We went to see Alan yesterday at the comedy bunker.

Alan yesterday. He's at the book who does imagine. We sat in the front row, and me and my wife enjoyed every minute he was on stage. Sorry, it's praise. My wife and I. Yeah. Oh. They want to go.

and see you now, Frank, but they've mainly said they love Alan's hoodie. It makes him look younger than we thought. That's nice. I do feel like, I've turned 39. I've turned 39 today. Let's not discuss people's ages. It seems a bit unnecessary. When I started this show, I was younger than you. That's a weird thing, in it. I have worn a hoodie, which I don't often wear on stage. With Emily, it's a bit like, you know when a 400 meter starts and you're on the on the outside line and you think

you think well you know I'm well ahead of you and then you find that when you get around to the straight it's all levels out and everybody's the same way what about when I lied about my age once and then... Once? I don't do it anymore but I lied once and then Frankie Boyle appeared in the room I was with some friends and he said oh you went to Sussex

I went there as well so you must be so who do you know someone so started talking about all these people I didn't know any of them because I'd lied Oh, no. I know. It was awful. I just walked out of the room.

I thought I can't be friends with him. No, he shouldn't have done that. Of all the outrageous things he's done. Yeah. That is, we've got him. That is right up there. It's Frank Skinner. Have you thought more about my special day?

We are, because Lucy Hamlin has tweeted us to say, I'm listening to Frank on the radio in a budget hotel. Who said romance was dead? Oh, nice. Not me. I woke up. on my 39th birthday. Well, think yourself looking for that.

In a 44 pounds a night hotel. Living the dream. Did you? Yes, indeed. That's not bad, is it? And it's a good bargain, but I'm not sure it's quite the high-achieving lifestyle I'd pictured for myself.

You own your own house? Yeah. Did you have a higher car outside? I did, yeah. I thought you might. And a year ago, when it was my birthday coming up, do you remember we had a conversation? I should have a year ago was your birthday.

It was, yeah. But on the show, I said, oh yeah, it's my birthday tomorrow and you said, what age? And I said, 38. And you said, better get famous soon. You're not remember that? I'm sorry, I said that. But once again, you've completely ignored my advice. Oh, I don't know about that.

But that is your next autobiography, Frank? I'm sorry, I said that. I've played a minor role on a channel that, on a sitcom that most people don't have. I've done my bit, surely that's that count. Yeah, but of course the word on the street is that that that sitcom is going to be

massive and win loads of Can I say I saw a trailer of that sitcom? Did you? And I actually lulled. You never. I did. How can you've seen a trailer of it? And I haven't.

I mean, it doesn't seem fair. I'm kind of a big deal. You're connected. Wow. So the suit. When you say lulled, you mean, with one L? Alan wasn't in the trailer. He did just slightly laugh.

It was a hot room. Oh, yes. It's good. So, and... You know, when you do that job, you're just slipping off. You have to do that big job. I've got a... I've got a...

What a bit of a birthday present gaff to reveal to you guys. A deem gaff? Yeah, six weeks ago, January sales time. If you made a mistake, would it be a deem gas? That's great. Six weeks ago, January sales, I took the liberty of going on to John Lewis's website and buying myself some articles of clothing. They arrived a couple of days later.

I opened the John Lewis parcel, and in there is a George Clooney Nespressor coffee maker. I hadn't read the label, and it was a drive. to my wife, but she hadn't said to me, I've ordered something from John Lewis, Don't Dare Open it. Oh, is that your surprise? Yeah. Who orders six weeks in advance? Point of order.

When you say George Clooney and espresso coffee maker, can you please say it with the right tone of voice? I haven't seen the advert, but you can. Go on. No. Okay. Don't give the people what they want. So all the time I've been talking about George Clooney on this show, that anecdote must have

been burning a hole in your pocket. I've got one of them. I've got one of them. And is he right to advertising? Oh, yeah, it's good. It's great, isn't it? I got one of those. It's so good that I've actually used up all the little cartridges.

So now I need to do some... Oh, I've got loads. I'll give you some. Brilliant. They're not cheap. Do you like an espresso club, Frank? Yes, it's... I hate coffee anyway, so I don't care about it.

Expensive. One thing they never seem to do on the adverts is show George Clooney rush into the bathroom going, well, that was a good espresso. Expressor. I said Expresso. Did you? Oh. You meant to say espresso, aren't you?

Descot. Cup of Chino. Oh, so where did you happen? Did you pass it all back up again? No, I said to my wife, why don't I just give you the money for it, and you get me another present as well? And she said,

Well, it's something you've taken over. She said no, no. So there's no surprises. I mean, I've been dropping hints like a maniac. Probably got it free on co-op stamps. I didn't want to do that. You can't want to do that. You got off stamps.

Well, we met. Just buy me gifts from 20 years ago. I used to love those. Green Shield Stamps, my nan. I was in the spirit of all things birthday-esque when I arrived at absolute this morning the cockrawls that was outside

taking a photograph of the lamppost I didn't ask why but apparently he's putting together a dog urine exhibition but he was taking a photo of a lamp post and I had to say to him There was a moment where I thought he was going to walk in with me into the radio station. And I said, do you mind actually treading water out here a bit while I go and sign your card at reception? Oh, fine.

And I think you said, didn't you have spoiled it now. Spoiler alert. Now I know there's going to be a card. Yeah, but you knew anyway, didn't you? Who wants a card anyway? How long are we going to keep up this hollow pretense? I want to just sit and writing in front of each other. Subjects of your advice.

about Better Get Famous soon a year ago. Oh, God, keep bringing that off. But it is relevant because I feel like I might have done a thing this week that could have jeopardised that, and I like to just air it and see what you two think, whether or not I made a catastrophic decision. You know, I've recently done a sitcom, and it's there on the TV. I think you brought this up before. And it's written by good people.

It's going to, you know, look quite good on the old TV. I was offered an audition this week. week. Oh, lovely. That frankly clashed with an osteopath appointment that I had, and I decided not to go, because I felt certain that I wouldn't get the role. What was it for? It was for Hollyoaks as a dishy doctor. And I just think, for all, I'm not going to beat myself up

about my appearance, it's all right, but I think I'm an acquired taste. I think you have to look at my face for quite a while before it becomes okay. No, I think you're quite root one handsome. No, no, no, I'm never going to be dishy doctor in Hollyoaks terms. think, Frank. Be honest. Be totally honest. I would. Oh, it's disgusting. I mean, in different circumstances. I think it would have been a waste of like two hours.

They wouldn't have cast me as a dishy doctor in Holyoaks. They'd have gone with somebody that's more classic. You're Scandy hot. No, yeah, I think you are. I mean, I'm not saying you're a Scandinavian clown. Wind the windows down when you're in the car with you. This is more the thing I want from world leaders when they're talking about their contries. It's a bit of doubt.

It's kind of monster. It's slightly more measured approach. Yeah. Saying, you know, we're all right. You know, I think we're a bit of an acquired... Imagine if the Russian had said that. We're a bit of an acquired taste. The Russia, I accept that, you know.

If you like vodka and gas, then we're your guys. But other than that, we're, you know, we're difficult. I... An aggressive-looking fonts. I love an aggressive font. Yeah, the writing does look aggressive, doesn't it? No one of the most that don't even get baptized. I...

No, I think you're a handsome man. I... Very nice. And you have a dishy doctor look to you. I don't think Hollyoaks. You're the sort of person I can imagine giving prescription drugs to teenagers on Hollyoaks. I'm going to give it a caveat.

I think you're very good looking in a, oh my God, have you seen Alan, have you seen that child's dad way? Do you know what I mean? Is that bad? Yeah, I just don't think that would get me cast in Hollyoaks. Again, you need that supporting. Would you have been in it for several?

I think it was about four Eps plus, maybe more. If you were popular? If it was popular. I thought you guys are going to be industry with your EPS. Yeah, I don't know when it would TX, but... Oh, oh, the industry talk! I think, you know, you'd look younger as well, because, you know, you don't need Botox on the forehead

if you've got that big mirror thing on elastic that they have, the doctors. I think it was a gynecologist's role or something. Well, no, I don't. I think all sorts. They all do. It's, I think they all use that, don't they? Do they think? Yeah, the circular mirror on the floor. Oh, I don't know how it, on elastic. That's absolutely the doctor's badge, is it?

Carry on film's idea of what a doctor carries round. I have an image now of Little Shop of Horrors. I don't know why that's coming to me, but anyway. We've taken all by radio shows and've been of editing and tightening. It's a walk-down memory lane, I know because people find new things quite frightening.