The Frank Skinner Show - Frank's View on Football Parades

Episode Date: June 5, 2026

Frank and Em are delighted to be joined by comedy writer Ruth Husko. It doesn't take long before the conversation turns to stealing jokes and football parades. If you want to message the show email us on [e-mail] or Whatsapp us on 07457 417 769 We’re currently sponsored by BT - behind brilliant things! Search ‘Why BT’ to find out more or click on the following link: https://www.bt.com/broadband/why-bt Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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The Frank Skinner podcast, don't you know This is Frank Skinner Off the radio It sounds like The King's died I was going to say it sounds like a monarchs died Can I say the King A time of recording is still alive

Oh my God Maybe we should announce that every week I'm joined by Emily Dean And Ruth Hosco Is with us today Hoscow Hello Hello?

Hello. Well, more of Ruth in a minute. Follow the podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via Frank Off the Radio, Avalon, UK.com. If you like a bit of Instagram, you might like this. If you want to talk about sonnets, a haiku, it's a free verse or bullets. If you've ever been given someone else is a war trophy, then you should message 0745741. Sorry, I like to add a bit nowadays.

Sorry, Ruth. So, hello, Ruth. It was just boasting about these four number ones before we started. I know. Well, I'm on all bread. Oh. Actually, I never remember what number ones. No, number two.

Oh, that's number two. Okay, I should have said. I've just had a yard of ale. For breakfast. It was the time, darling. I hope that's not happened. So Ruth, has already embarrassed me considerably.

Why? By saying, anyway, it's great to meet you, Ruth. And we had met before. And I thought, oh, but this will be like 20 years ago. Give me a break. It was like. It was a few months ago.

No. When was it? What happened? What did you tell the story, Ruth? I went to see. Just to give people a chance to get used to your accent. Oh, yeah, that's it. I'm loving being in the Birmingham sandwich today.

Yeah, go on. We're not from Birmingham. I know, you keep telling me, I'm so hard to remember. I don't know where it's actually from. Where you actually? So I'm from up the road from George Four Acres, who's born in Willingall. I'm from Darleston, which is in Warsaw. So what can I call you people?

Black country. Well, we are really black country people. Yeah. Okay. So Birmingham people derogatorily call us yam-yams. Okay. As they say, we go Yamaya all the time. Well, I many years ago, wrote a sitcom set in that area.

Oh, is that shame? Called Blue Heaven. Oh, Blue Heaven. No, it's one of the first things I ever did. And the director, who was from London, said to me, right, we need to talk about, you know, the casting and stuff. I said, well, we should be cast in local people because it's about it. He said, trouble is he said, people won't listen.

if it's all yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. Oh, my God. That man was Jacob Rees-Mogg. Can I hear about when you met Ruth and you forgot? Yeah, so I went to see the lovely eggs in Birmingham. The lovely eggs is my favourite band in all the world. Yeah, and then because me and my friend were, we know the guy who owns the pub,

so he let us stand at the back and then Frank was just, next to us and my friend was like, you've got to say alright to Frank because I've seen Blue Heaven, I've probably seen... Oh, have you? Yeah, I mentioned that to you when I met you. And you said you don't look old enough. Oh, did I? Well, yeah, you don't. You don't look old enough. You look like Elvis is what you look on.

Oh, no, but... You don't look old enough. The man who tended the bar on the Titanic doesn't look old enough. So I've seen it. Can you please carry on? I was the stand-up on the Titanic. I got off dressed as a woman. And that's how it started. Do you think you would have escaped the Titanic?

I think you would. You're quite canny. You would have found a way or... It depends at what stage of my life I was on the Titanic. If it had happened, you know, later, I'd have been in the Poshby. And I think they got the best lifeboats. Before that, I would have... You would have perished.

Perished in the hold. Oh, dear. I would have waved to you. I would have waved to you from the boat. Perished in the hold is Hulk Hogan's... Autobiography. Anyway, Ruth, so I went up to Frank and, you know, told him how much I loved him

and he said it was uncomfortable. You didn't say that, you did, and you said I'm uncomfortable getting all this praise. I haven't been comfortable since the 60s. But I told you to get that scene too. I know, but it's, you know, the things were the growth. It literally grows on you, and metaphorically. So why did you say that to Ruth?

I'm not comfortable. Well, he can't remember. I'm not very good with praise, as you know. No, that's true. But also, I do remember it. I didn't remember it at first, but when Ruth went on and on about it, it came through to me. And I do remember me, and she was lovely,

and I was shocked that someone who looked under 70 were actually like my work. A gorgeous young woman. You thought that Elvis had died. Exactly. I never thought that. say that again. He's been regenerating. We should say Ruth does look quite like Elvis.

She's got long hair. Look, someone told her she looked like Elvis. So one of my ex-boyfriends and also the comedian Andy Robinson, if you know him, he said I look like Elvis as well. He's also from Birmingham. He's from Birmingham, yeah. We should say that Birmingham is like a city in the West Midlands. People know that.

People don't know the black country. Oh, I don't know the black country either. And sometimes the title, makes them uneasy, and they think it's some sort of terrible Enoch Powell-type remark. And what it actually is is the soot of the Industrial Revolution just met the whole place. Is that right?

Yeah, so everywhere was black with so. So, yeah, we were always a bit, you know, would you bear, Mingum, we didn't, you know, we thought they were the big city bright lights. Right. I mean, London, they were off the scale. Really? Yeah.

But, yeah, I only went. I went to Birmingham once a year with my mom. And those applies called Oakses, I think. And I used to pick some of me Christmas presents. What was Oakses? Was it a department store? I think it was a department store, yeah. Long gone. Oh, it's been replaced with the Dave's Hot Chicken now.

Oh, okay. I saw that there was a... Lisa's hot. That's what I always said. Is Dave's Hot Chicken? Is that like a sort of... You know, when they try and rip off KFC? Yeah.

It's that Dave's Sot chicken. It's one of those, like, there's loads of these fried chicken places. No, it's a chain, though, Dave's like chicken. You got them in Birmingham. But it was an Ask Italia that's been replaced with a Dave's Hot Chicken. Okay. Which is always a big ask. Yeah.

Yeah. Lovely. I'm worried because Roots are comedy writers. She might just be writing these down and research. Frank, you're so paranoid. I'm less... I'm so paranoid. I'll be honest, I'm less...

I'm a bit... I think comedy writers who don't actually peer, you know, back room, back room people. I think they are more inclined to say I'm having that.

Absolutely. Not this one, no way, I never say I'm having that. And I love that you think that that's... Like, joke stealing is just the worst thing. I think death penalty for that. I do.

Really funny about it. I think death penalty for joke stealing and burning her majesty shipyards. That's always been my... And you know, reformer on the way. So it might, yeah, it might just get come around. No, I would never, ever steal jokes. It's all got to be original material.

Well done you. Thanks. I mean, that's music to Franks, it is. Can I say, I read an article the other day about a woman who is very, she's very left. woman. I read her column regular. She's great. And she was on about

reform had gone in where a friend of hers lives. Reform had got in and she said, you know, obviously she was terrified, I was terrified. She said, but you know what? They've got rid of every pothole. And I thought, hmm. This is how it starts.

This is how it starts. This is a... Next thing you know. Make the trains run on time. Fill every bottle. Dress very nicely. Oh man. Well, not in Nigel Farage's case.

I don't think you'd ever be accused of dressing nicely. Speaking of George Four Acres though, I do... Lovely George. I'm going to say something slightly patronising, but somebody said you should get Ruth Hosko on the show, and I said, I don't know who that is. Forgive me Ruth. It's okay.

I would have told you, I know. They showed me a clip. And I said, If this had been audio, I'd have booked her straight up. I didn't say that. Now I said, oh, I love, I'd just be happy to be with that voice for a bit. And I feel the same when George is on, I say George, I don't really, met him once, I think. When George Four Akers is on SNLUK, it's not when Jude Bellingham is interviewed.

It just, you know, he's from Stairbridge. Yeah, yeah. It just gives me that, oh. Yeah. Well, I'd like to say the same about people from North London. but everybody from North London is in the media. Well, also everybody's from North London. Yeah.

So, yeah, it's true. So on the right in front, and then we'll leave you alone for a bit, this is a question I shouldn't. This is what they call a hospital pass in the football world. So you don't have to answer this straight off. But is there a joke, not mine, that you've heard and thought,

oh, God, I wish I'd written that. one that you really love. Oh God, there is, but... It's too rude to tell them. Well, maybe. I mean, any of Norm MacDonald's jokes. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

I can see that. He does... And they aren't really jokes, you know, and he reads them off the cards. Yeah, they're probably too offensive to say. There's a lot of offensive. There is one I really love of Norm McDonald. And he's on about lying.

Yeah. And he says, so I lie. Someone asked me if I've seen a movie and they say, hey, you ever see that film with Meryl Streep and a horse? And I say, yeah. And then I think, what am I lying about

over here? This lie gains me nothing. It's really great. He's brilliant. I ask that, because there's an American sitcom that I am obsessed with called Superstore. Yes, Frank loves this. Well, no, I'd heard of it. I'd never watched it, and then I heard you praise in it,

and I thought, I must watch that. Have you tried it, yeah? Not yet, no. Well, I was watching it last night. We both That's all you want. Every time I see him. I watched a bit more superstore last. He's addicted. We literally do to that.

Cath will say, come on then get superstore. Oh, does she like it as well? Me and Boz and Kath watch it together. I love that it's... It's quite adult for Boz, but it's all right. But last night, this was a joke that really made me happy. It was like a sort of a Latino version of a Burmitsa.

I don't know what the actual term for the festival is. But no one really wanted to go to him. And the woman was there who works at the superstore, but her husband clearly had no intention to go in. And she said, sorry, Bo couldn't come, but he's only got two suits, and one of them's being cleaned and the other one's haunted. That's great. It's great.

That is great. It's great. I'm so glad you've discovered a nice little show. Thank you, darling. We keep getting people. sending in. You know, that hasn't stopped. So many people, Ruth, have been turned on to superstore by Frank. I feel a bit like when Patrick went into Ireland. And I'm leaving the snakes. Fuck them. I'm too busy. Yeah. More converts by the minute. But it is. It's spreading the

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Like, what if it doesn't hold up? That sofa was four days old. You should have ordered from Wayfair. With Wayfair, there's no what if. Just style you love and quality you can trust. Visit Wayfair.ca. Wayfair, every style, every home. So speaking of strange events, I tell you what I've been quite obsessed with this week,

and that is the cop celebration things that have been going on, the open top box. The bosses. I just thought, is it still all right? No one ever questioned. No one's ever said, you know, that open top boss thing that people, is it like shit? And we're still doing it just because it's a tradition.

Why do we still do it? You're right. It feels a bit unsophisticated, doesn't it? It feels like the most nath thing anyone could ever do. I mean, I'm speaking as a West Bromwich, Albuyan fans. You know, when we were in the Premier League, our entire target was getting 40 points, which usually meant you didn't get relegated. And I said, we should do an open-top boss.

You know those silver balloons you get for birthdays? Just holding up a big 4-0 at the front. Really tragic. I didn't even know West Brom weren't in the Premier League anymore. Did you not? I chose not to mention it. I wish now I'd lied about it. You should have.

But there was... One and a half million people. But I can't glory in a bask. That's one I find. Wow. Too pinching. Well, that's where you're on your own. I just had to throw that in to make sure I wasn't doing any anti-Spanish material.

You've got to be so careful these days. Frank, one and a half million people. people were there on those streets. I mean, that's dangerous, isn't it? It felt danger. I'm told you I'd to have a ticket. Well, it was confusing. A ticket for a road. To go down a Holloway road. Yeah. Well, what was... Did you go? Do you know what? I considered going and I was going to go and I wanted to take Ray. That's my dog, not my husband. You can't take your dog to a... No. Don't tell me what I can do, Frank. You can't. I was going to put him in a little red arsenal top. I had it all planned. But then I started seeing... Do you have a little red arson? Yes, I've got plenty. I get sent. This is

what I get sent. I don't get sent anymore. I get sent dog clothes and toys. I used to love getting sent stuff. Very rare now. Really? That's the worst thing about being less famous. But where would people send it to? Well, they used to send it to the right. I get a thing sent here. Occasion. You get nice poetry things. I think the good stuff is taken by the hipsters. Do you think they steal it? Do you think they're stealing my doctorates?

Oh yeah. I mean, when they sent me those really quite short, rolled up trousers, I think they went straight away and the beard wax. No, any... CBD oil. Anything to do with dogs, they will send you. I've been sent all sorts of clothes for Ray. Anyway. I was going to take him down there.

And then, you know, when you start seeing, you put on the TV and you start looking at social media, and I just thought, no, it's not right for me and my boy. It looked slightly horrible. I should say that, Hosco is a native of the area. Not a native, but you've... moved in. I live, yeah, next to the Emirates.

And I could see, this is, after they won, for a week after, it was just people gathering outside the front of the Emirates, setting off red flares, fireworks. We had fireworks last night as well at 10 o'clock, sending all the dogs crazy. People shout in Arsenal and doing the chant, you know, the Tottenham, what do we think of Tottenham chance? And they say, all right at the end, yeah, that's all right. I don't, I won't do the whole thing. It's a swear in it.

It's a swear word. It's a swear word, so I'd rather not. Right. But I heard that chant, you know, 500 times. So I left before the parade started because I saw them put in all the... I actually moved out. Yeah. I think you've overreacted.

You've been of a drama queen, Ruth, aren't you? Put your house on the market. Well, this is... Right, so I left for the weekend, came back this weekend. Two boys' own concerts there. Well, that won't be... There'll be no red flares unless they're worn by... You won't get any of violence with the life is a roller coaster mob.

Supported by S Club 7 apparently. I might go to that. There was a time that would have been the dream ticket. And it's at Emerald Stadium. Yeah, Friday and Saturday. But I'm going to be at, and I don't know if you're there, Frank, the full weekend in Manchester. Are you going to just a Friday? Oh, I won't see you.

I don't get there until the Saturday. What a shame. Oh, Frank, that's so nice you've got a full. No, I'm, there's a weekend of the fall. A festival, the fall festival. Sort of, yeah. It's and there's some brilliant stuff on. And Simon Armitage, the poet laureate, is doing a DJ set.

Stuart Lee might be there. No, he won't. Is he a full fan, is he? He is a big fall fan, yeah. Now, I'm hosting the, I can't remember what it's called, but it's essentially four mastermind. Oh, really? So do you know, is it celebrities taking part?

It's celebrities in our world. So it's people like Grant Showbiz is taking part, who produced a few fall albums. Did he change his name, I'm assuming? No, no, that's his name. He's one of the Hem or Hempstead Showbys. So you decided, because, yeah, I felt too much for me the parade, Frank. I mean, I did like, what I do like is the surreal nature,

like people in the houses. Did you see that stuff? There was someone in a flat with a better, A.B. and the Arsenal fans all started chanting because the baby would be, they were going, it wasn't a Michael Jackson, was it? I worried it was going to be a Michael Jackson. Blanket. He hung Blanket over the... Was it Blanket? Yeah, it was Blanket? We've all hung a blanket over the handrail over the years after a heavy drinking night.

Actually on holiday. Just to let it steam off a bit. He hung blanket over the rail. Yeah. A honed blanket sounds like a... You know, like a hong jewellery. It's a form of a honged jewelry. Actually, did he have a hong jewelry? Who? Michael Jackson.

I don't think he did. He was. No, we know what happened. There were dubs. Was it unanimous? There were doves. I know there were doves, but that wasn't part of the legal process.

That was someone outside. Yeah. I think they sang that thing about Tottenham as well. Yes, they did. So they had the baby not. I was so relieved. I thought, oh my God, did you see that, Ruth? On social media,

I thought they were going to hang the baby over because the Arsenal fans were demanding to see it. And they just... Who's baby was it? The baby belonged to somebody who lived in a third floor flat. Oh, it wasn't on the coach. No, no, there was no baby on the coach. I thought a player had brought a coat.

Because you know, they sign them very young nowadays. I thought that was like the academy. The academy coach is like a crash. Imagine they sat it in the premiere. trying to think of a piss coming off it. They put them in with the ex-flyers. Just sorry. No, it was someone in a third floor flat in wherever, Holloway Road or something.

And they saw them holding the baby and got very excited. And then the entire crowd got angry when they took the baby away from the window. So the whole crowd started singing. So that's what, King Mob. Well, King, they started saying, we want our baby back. We want our baby back. We want our baby back. So this poor harassed parent kept having to have a kid.

Bring the baby to the window. Oh no. Did it have protective ear? No. I didn't see the baby. I saw there was a lost child. They shouted for that as well. They all shouted Adam loudly in the crowd.

Whose child is this? Whose child is this? See, I went, when Albion won the FA Cup in 1968. Adorable. I went at their last major trophy. I went to the open top. Then it was still a relative. you know, it felt okay.

Now, I just think it feels a bit naft now. Do you? Yeah, I also think they should have made them go in a single decker because they only won the one trophy. How dare you? But anyway, it was dangerous. I mean, I think people are a bit more careful now with that. But I don't mean like just getting, you know,

beaten up, mugged and stuff, which happens at every loud, every gathering of people. but it was just there was times when I was crushed I was only 11 yeah that worries me a bit and I spoke to someone who went to the Arsenal one and he said when they went past me there was so much red smoke I couldn't see the players

all the trouble really oh that's such a shame isn't it you go all the way down there but when you fly over uh-huh is it uh-huhu is that the right name for airs rock nowadays absolutely right frank yeah I was worried up might be on about

that the woman from Star Trek. But when you fly over her, it's still something to see. Something to behold. But sometimes you fly over, it's completely cloud covered. You can't see a damn thing. Just saying. But it was, yeah, I thought it was, because Villa had one as well in Birmingham.

Oh, did they? No, I don't know if Arsenal did it. Villa won the Europa cop. That's not talk about Europe. So they had three coaches. Emily did I still have. Did they just have? I think they would, I think they were three.

So it said Vila had three coaches. The first one was the media. And I thought, they get the first coach. That's outrageous. I thought what about the true, the true people, the sponsors? Hang on, who wants to see Dan Wooten from the sun on a coach? I haven't. Oh, Schlept?

All the way down to Holloway Road bought a ticket to see Dan Wutton. And I thought were they waving and stuff? The media. People, hey, we love the... We love the media. Media, media, media. We want the media.

What were they doing? Were they just like filming backwards at the players? They shouldn't have been given that level of access. No. I would have been livid, would you? A load of old journal who's on a bus. Yeah, cares about them. Do you remember the question?

It's platinum celebration when they had all those... Plattie Jube. The Plattie Jules? That's what Kyle Smith Bino coined... You know, he made that art? Really? The Plattie Jube? Who did? The guy who's in Ghosts, who I adore.

Oh, right. Anyway. He made up Plattie Jubs? Yes. He's trademarked it or something. Anyway, back to Frank. I work with a guy called Dan Atkinson, who's a producer, and he invented Waggather Christie. Did he really? Really, that's the good one.

Did he get anything out? of it. What's your big culture changing invented phrase? Ruth? Well, I invented the platinum

cubilee when the queue was going on. After the platinum jubilee I invented the platinum cube I know what I'll settle for that. Yeah, that's quite good. Might even be better than plattie jubes.

I've done so, oh yeah, when it was a terrible thing about the queue by the way. Do you know they found the Duke of Edinburgh about about 500 back? He didn't know he had straight access. Oh my God. Sorry, when they did...

When Rishi Sunak talked about us all having to do national service, I coined Nashy serve. Oh, wow. That's good, I like it. See, this is I don't do the socials, really, but someone does it on my behalf. But I do like... All right, J-Lo.

I like the idea of being able to drop a topical joke like that when you feel like it. Yeah, I was happy with... But not enough to do it. Platinum Jubilee, I thought was quite good. Yes. Anyway, so they had... coaches for the for the for the acubilee um in that uh each one represented a decade right and uh and i thought

i don't want to be on the fucking 90s coach like do you remember like i'm preserved in as well was it so different be decorated in 90s theme um i think that was that was the idea yeah So like Ben Sherman shirt. Mr. Blobby. The 80s one was just like a giant mobile and with like a big aerial sticking out of the front. But was you on the 90s coach? No, I didn't do it.

No, okay. Fuck on my side. Oh, I've just seen the... Also, I think they said to me, oh, we want you to be on the zeros. Whatever is it, the naughties. Right, the naughty's. And I thought, that was my decline.

What am I facing backwards on that? I'm not going on that. And then I saw on the thing, it looked terrible. I was so glad. You know, when you see some of you think, oh, God, I'm glad I didn't go to that. Swerved it. And they interviewed, who's the gardener

who people like, I said, chat show on... Alan Titchmarsh. Alan Tishmarsh. They interviewed him, and he was on something like the 60s coach. And he said, yeah, but the thing is,

I shouldn't be on this. I shouldn't be on this. And I thought, oh, no, it's all been done very randomly. But he went anyway. I thought, fuck that. But Alan went in good, you know, royal loyalty. Yeah.

And he was trapped. On the six, he's got, with a load of octogenarians. So I watched it for a bit because I thought I'd love to see. I'd love to see him attempt to leap from one boss to another. Oh, he's knitwear billowing. You know those flying, you know those creatures that stretch out their arms? I know exactly what you mean. I can't remember what they're called.

That's what I imagine he could do everyone with his knitwear. But wouldn't that be awful if you ended up? I'd leave. I'd clambered down the bus. If I got put on a bus with like 80-year-olds, how embarrassing people would actually think like... I've got freedom pass. I'm on a bus with 80-year-olds most mornings.

After 9.30, can I say? Can I just confirm, Ruth and Frank, there were actually four Arsenal buses. Oh, me dear. I keep it in the mic, sorry. I know. The first, the lead bus, Premier League champions, obviously, that's the team. Oh, they were first.

That's your sack of us. They were second. They were first, followed by the staff. Frank won't approve of that. Who wants to see the staff? Yeah, what are they? Oh, look there's the physio. Yeah.

Who's that bug? Oh, it's the mascot, but he thought he wouldn't wear it today. Oh, for fuck. There was Gunasaurus in all this. Yeah, Gunnasort. Too big, can't fit on. Yeah. The costumes are cumbersome.

That's our mascot, Frank. You know that. Oh, yes. I knew that. He was sacked for a while. But anyway. How is this baggy bird? I thought, do you not have Boile Man? Well, this was pre-Bilerman. Oh, I see.

So I mentioned it because there was also a baggie junior who was like a slightly less a baggy bird. I don't like that nickname. I know. I've got rid of that nickname now. It's taken me a while. And me and Adrian Chiles were, we were the two mascots. No one knew. So we were dancing about on the pitch and all that, and it was a real lark,

until we realised it was the Remembrance Sunday thing, and we had to stand and look... Solum. Yeah, solemn. It dressed as fucking giant thrushes. And I remember trying to slightly raise my beak as a sign of respect for the fallen. A little salute, thrush salute.

Oh, I didn't. I couldn't really get me wing round for a salute. Well, you've got no. purchase in a thrush costume. No, no. So, listen, guys, just to confirm, for avoidance of doubt, four buses. Yeah. Yeah. There was the lead bus, feet. The Leeds bus?

No. Leeds have just got on the front in a boss. We had a great season, I thought, started up. Imagine with a team. Like a London team, like West Ham was like, yeah, we're just going to drive up. Maybe not West Ham as they got relegated. So the lead bus was, you know, Saka et al, followed by our staff bus, which Frank, I know we'll disapprove of.

No, well, you know, God bless them, but I think they should just be in a boss, not an open top. Maybe a closed bus. Can they be in the lower deck? No, that's so rude. As support staff, it's like a metaphor as well, that they are unseen but supportive. Then our women's team. Okay. Did they win stuff as well?

Women's Champions Cup. Oh, well, fair enough. That's fair enough. It should have been at the top front, really. But anyway, and then we have... Should have been ahead of the top of the top of them. fucking staff. The final bus. Isn't it almost the way?

Aye, girls. Yeah. Do you know what? He's such an ally. Final bus. More of an ally. Activist. That was a black country joke.

A lot. I didn't get it because I'm not from black country. There's a famous sort of... I'm not black country. Double act called A-Nock and A-O-I. Is that E-Nock-Pow? No, he was never in a double act, I don't think. They used to have a page in the Black Country Bugle with the jokes in.

Yeah, that's right. But they were also real people as well. Oh, they were real? Well, they started out, I think, as fictional. And then there was a double act doing the rounds in the Black Country of Anok and Alaw. Do you want to know who the final boss was? I bet it wasn't A-Nock-A-Lay. And it's not going to be Gunnasaurus.

Kirstama. No. Let me guess. The media. The final bus is a celebration of our community with Arsenal supporters joining us. So those Arsenal supporters? As well as the selection of Arsenal staff members

nominated by their peers for an outstanding contribution to the club. So more staff. Why are the staff getting one and a half buses? That's Matt. How many staff are? They should be driving the bloody things. But it wouldn't be possible without all the staff. You know.

I'm actually going to be thanking the police, Ruth. I've been rather applause for the police. But the Arsenal fans who got that, that's a great, isn't it? Anyway, that's what we... I'd say that. If I was offered that, I'd say no. Well, you turned down the 90s bass. Well, yeah, that was right, though, isn't it?

Do the players want to do it, do you think? Do they like it? Yes, well, you know, did you notice this, Ruth? You're on the socials. There were lots of, you know, people like Declan Rice, they all take their videos of it. They're really excited. Yeah, but that's the terrible thing is the coverage I saw.

There was a whole group of fans video in the players video in the fans. I mean, nobody was there. No. Yeah. They'll only see it when they get out. Every gig I go to, I do a bunch of videos and that and photos. I never fucking look at any of them ever. No.

What's the point? Maybe when I'm old, I can't remember where I've been. I should have videoed you at The Lovely Eggs. Yeah, did you not video? I don't see video any of the lovely eggs. No, that didn't seem right. And also I was on two with them, so I've seen them three times. I think I did video a bit, actually.

Yeah. I'd have a look. Anyway. So in our end is our beginning, as I think, T.S. Eliot said nearly. Okay. Well, that's all. Do we have got time to read some things from the outside world? Well, we've got two and a half.

half minutes. There's not really time, is there? I don't want to do short change. What if we start? I've got a quick one, I could read. Oh, if you've got a quick one. Which is just actually a request. It's a bit of admin, really.

Okay. It's from, it's to do with your poetry podcast. Oh, yes. And it's from Grace Jarvis, who's doing her GCSEs. Did you see this, Ruth? My name is Grace. I'm 14 years old. It's a great name, Grace.

I love it. I've started studying power and conflict poetry in school for my GCSEs. And I've recently listened to your podcast on Ossimandias, one of my favourite poems, by the way, Frank, which I found incredibly helpful. Grace has some requests. I don't know if you do requests on the poetry podcast,

but I'm going to leave them with you. I haven't yet, but you know. She's 14 doing a GCSEs, and I love that you're helping her. Would it be possible... Well, hold on. I'm not bloody Coles notes. You are now. Okay.

Would it be possible to do any of the other poems in my GCSE anthology? I would really appreciate it. I love Grace. The confidence of grace. I would really appreciate it if you could do a few in your next series. What you got, Grace. Okay. We've got London by William Blake.

Oh, yes. Bayonet charged by Ted Hughes. Someone's phone. Probably me. Yours. How embarrassing. How, who is it? I've got to read it out now.

Oh, no. That felt like a bayonet charge to my heart. That is my age. Agents Assistant. Okay. Okay. I always think when you're getting messages from your agents. It's a bad sign.

Yeah, exactly. It's a really bad sign. Do you want to know at the end of this? London by William Blake. Yes. Bayonet charged by Ted Hughes. I don't know Bayonet Charge by Ted Hughes. Poppies by Jane Weir and Checking Out Me History by John Agard.

So those are the four that I'm leaving you with. Grace ends it with, thank you so much. Well, thank you, Grace. And good luck with your Jesus. My own child is entering into them next year. And he's doing end-of-term assessments this week. So the stress in the house. Can you help them with the poetry at all?

I bet you're good at that. Well, it's not, this week they're just doing the, you know, they choose some G-S-S-G, whatever. G-S-E's, yeah. And there's ones they have to do. So they're just, you know, the really boring, like maths science, bollocks, they have to do that. because something a Tory government said like 30 years ago

because they were worried that people might have a sort of a beautiful view of the world and people when they should be making rivets in Netherton. Rivets in Neverton, a novel by Barrel Bryn. Yay! Beryl Sarin. I long this girl. It's a Frank Skinner podcast. A new winter change.

Just blowing. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. I'm not totally sure how it's going. Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via Frank Off the Radio at Avalonuk.com.