The Frank Skinner Show - Ghostbusters Day

Episode Date: June 13, 2025

This week Frank has humiliated himself and has a new idea for Disneyland. We’ve also been sent more requests to see THAT cake and had another fantastic Whatsapp jingle. Send your correspondence to [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Uh, excuse me, why are you walking so close behind me? Well, you're a tall guy. You throw a decent shadow when I'm walking in it to keep out of this bright sun. It hurts my eyes. Okay, well you know at Specsavers, you can get two pairs of glasses from $149 and oh, you'll like this. One can be a pair of prescription sunglasses. Sounds great!

Where's the nearest store? Mmm, not far. Come on. Let's hurry then. To my count. One, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1- from TV Insurance you only pay for what you need. TD. Ready for you. It's Frank off the radio, featuring him and that posh lady-o and the one with the French name, who from South Africa came. They're all here, open brackets, hooray! Close brackets today.

Hey! This is Frank off the radio. I'm joined by Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. Follow, I've got a bit of chicken in my lip. Don't worry about it. Follow the podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via frankofftheradio.com. You can WhatsApp us on a number which is represented in this jingle.

745741776 That's rather exceptional I would say. It sounds like the OC or something. Yeah, yeah, very, very North East teen drama. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that was Joseph Phelan's contribution to how to make a WhatsApp number, not doll. I like that. We're catching Phelan's. Phelan?

I bet he had that a lot at school, didn't he? Phelan, nothing more. It depends on all these. I was going to say, I think he probably just had a much ruder series of jokes about his name. I hope not. Not Phelan. Are your teeth okay now?

Yes. Frank asked for a toothpick before we started this. I use a toothpick every day and I always travel with a toothpick because I had a lot of teeth out in my youth. When I was growing up in Birmingham in the 70s, people didn't get things filled, they got them removed. What? So every time you had a cavity, you got the tooth pulled? I must have told you before, the first three times I went to the dentist, I had six teeth out, six teeth out, four teeth out. That was my first three visits.

Bloody hell. Are you some sort of a horse or something? I don't know if you have that many. I've never heard of a human being. Some were milkies, but not many. The right hand side of my mouth is gone. So as my dentist pointed out, he said you've actually got the teeth of a man about 120 because you chew twice as much on that side as people normally do.

I didn't realise people rotate the food around their mouth to share out the chewing duties to their teeth. Like a rotor. Yeah, whereas I've only got, I've got no choice, I've just got one. I do like that about you, once you commit, you commit hard. Well, I didn't really commit to anything. I remember, because my strangest ever, I'll get this out the way, my strangest ever dentist thing was on one of these occasions, they knocked me out to remove the teeth, you know, they

give you an injection, your arm and literally not to take six teeth out. You need to be unconscious really. And when I went to bed that night my underpants were on the wrong way around. This is absolutely true, this is not a joke. Very specialist interest. The truth is I you know I must have put them on the wrong way around that morning, but I have never before or since put my underpants on the wrong way. And they were wide fronts, they had a very distinct front. They weren't those ones where you have to have a look at the label to make sure you get them the right way around.

That is bizarre. Yeah. I mean... Did you win them then? You think people would have a bit more? Was it free? I expected that paedophiles had a bit more attention to detail. Anyway, awful. It might have been nothing as I say.

But when I went for a filling I wasn't. So sorry it started rather on the course. Sorry we'll clean it up in no time at all. Did you, when you arrived this morning, did you come by Underground Train? I did. Did you see the the Bosker at King's Cross playing violin by the... No but I always rather like that. I love a classical instrument. Yeah, he was one of these Boskers where I think... Sorry mate, too much on the tape. What do you mean? That he had a lot of backing music, do you know what I mean?

Oh Frank, let's not split hairs. Well no, well yeah, no, let the contribution. It's what should be happening. These people, are they getting any of the money? The cellists? I did see one once, the busker in King's Cross, where I thought, that sounds great. And I looked over and it was a sort of jazz, like New Orleans sort of thing. But the guy was just doing the and the rest was all trumpets. The rest was all on tape. Yeah. He wasn't doing anything except a single bass line. You need PayPal to pay the people who are on there.

What's the right situation with that? Well I don't think... in my day... Yeah? Okay there were things that went wrong at the dentist, but with Bosker's... Well, they pulled six teeth. Bosker's, that was all they pulled. And took your underpants off. I'd say that's considerably more than things going a bit wrong.

It could have just been a prank, take his pants off and put them on the wrong way round. That's how I've learned to live with it. That's your coping mechanism. Exactly. It fueled those seven mislit books that I had out in the 1980s. So what were we talking about? We were talking about the... was it a violinist you saw? That's my new catchphrase.

The violinist that we saw. The standards for buskers have dropped. Yeah, they used to be unaccompanied in my day. Buskers would be like a person and a guitar and that would be... So do you object just on the grounds that you're somewhat puritanical? Look, the classic busker, and I didn't see this until I went to London the first time, had cymbals in between their knees and a bass drum on the back that played with their elbow. They literally were a one person band.

I'm saying person, I never saw a woman doing it but they may have done it. I don't mind putting my hand in my pocket for those people, but if I'm on the tube and someone's playing music, not using headphones, just blasting it out, I feel like it's in them with an axe. I don't want to give them a pound coin, which is what this bloke's basically doing. I think the best bus guy I've ever seen is one I see every year at the Fringe, and there's a sort of dark, drippy sort of railway archway that you can walk under to get to a Mikey Barrel comedy club. And he's, he always sets up under this archway, I think, because he knows it's atmospheric.

And he's sort of dressed like a New Orleans saxophone player and it's just absolutely stripy. Why scope? Well, like, I mean, like jazz opposed to, as opposed to, da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da

da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da I pictured him dressing like those people from Disneyland. You know, those that wear pastel shades. And the straw, a straw boater. Oh, one of the saddest things I ever saw was a small fat boy whose parents.

I didn't see that coming. Oh, one of the saddest things I ever saw was a small fat boy whose parents... I didn't see that coming. ...whose parents were over about 50 years older than him. Okay. And bought him the full outfit and he was at Disneyland dressed in the whole thing with his... Oh, you're kidding. ...decrepit parents. It was a terrible, terrible... Just cut out the middleman and bully him yourself.

Exactly. You're just creating more work for others. I'm bullying him a bit. I was at his company five minutes, I managed to get one dead leg through the beach colored stripe. Yes, it is awful that he was sort of on his own wearing that. There's something worse. There's no shared trauma there. It's the same. He needs it taken away by social services.

Do you think they could? Or some sort of fashion organization. It could be a new branch of social services that doesn't take the child away, but they do say to the parents, come on. Yes. Come on. Yes.

They'd have said, what? What did he say? He's wearing the latest clothes. What do you mean? Do not talk to my husband like that. He may be an hombre grande, but still. But that's my father. He died in 1938.

Oh, God. No, I felt so. I still think of that kid. I think, oh no. And was it the jazz outfit he had on? He had the complete... But you can buy a straw boat or you can buy a pastel shade. He'd got the lot. He'd got those, you know those sort of elasticated things you put on shirt sleeves to hold them up? Oh no!

He got those on. Oh what, the Citizen Kane things? No! He looked like he was in a mist. Pianist in a saloon. Yeah, yeah. That's what he looked like. Oh.

I quite like it though. He sounds like what I believe is referred to as a New York lonely boy. Oh, no. And I like a New York lonely boy. No. They go to, they like bookshops, they play jazz. I really fell for him. That's cool though.

Disneyland costume. Yeah. Which character are you dressed as? No, I'm dressed as some of the singing candy stripers. No, I'm just in period clothing. Go join the queue for the bullying. Hurry! Yeah, quickly.

There's Pete. Pete, smacking kids across the head. Why are you dressed like that? With this big chin. Do you think Pete does bullying, Nisha Greaves? Why are you dressed like that? With this big chin. Do you think Pete does bullying me? Pete, I should point out, is the least popular of all the Disney stalwarts. And what was his role in Disney? Was he an uncle or a lad?

He was a bit of a bully. Goofy. Goofy's nemesis. Goofy's unfriendly neighbour. And often... He told Goofy's nemesis. Goofy's unfriendly neighbour. And often... He told Goofy Jr. It sounds like you're passing on gossip. He told Goofy Jr. there wasn't a Santa Claus. That's the kind of bullshit he came out with.

He called Goofy Goof. Come on, Goof! Does he? Yeah, in a brass commando. He was also a sort of unsympathetic landlord in one episode. They just wheeled him out whenever there was a horrible job to be done, Pete was giving it. So I think that's quite a good idea. Maybe Pete would be in one of these meet and greet breakfasts. Everyone else has got chip and Dale going, hey, how are you doing? Is this the bullying breakfast?

Yes, come in. Pete's over at the corner. Sorry, he's just holding that child upside down to empty his pockets. He'll be with you in a minute. You think you're real special, don't you? You can order whatever breakfast you like, but Pete's going to make you have a black coffee and an egg. And possibly a cigarette. You can order any breakfast you like, but it's going to end up in your face. Pete, why are you smoking all over me?

I'm going to teach you how to pee. Pete doesn't sign your autograph book but he will punch you in the eye. That's Pete's signature. And you get a Pete towel at the end to wipe the toilet water off your face. I think the Pete breakfast would be somewhat character building. Yeah, you take the parents aside as they take the kid to Disneyland. They can see on your ticket if it's your fifth or sixth trip in the year. They say, do you find that perhaps this isn't the best for your son or daughter's social

development? And they go, yes, that's what we were thinking. We do offer a bullying breakfast with Pete. We just wondered if you'd like to take advantage of what we call the Pete experience. He's got a little pork pie hat and a big cigar. Have a tiny wizened heart. Anyway.

Let's not laugh, this might happen. No, I'd love to know what happened to that boy. Oh, I can't bear it. It's the kind of standards they play as well. It makes me very sad. Yeah, it did. That's his life, that da. Oh no. Trying to defend himself while wearing comical big white gloves. Yeah, drove home in a sort of pews model T forward. Oh, I hope he's all right. Yeah, I'm sure he will be. He either learned or he didn't. I bet he's woke up with his underpants on the wrong way around a few times.

Oh, Frank. I bet he's woke up with his underpants on the wrong way around a few times. Oh, Frank. Actually, they're long jobs. I was going to say, yeah, he's 1910s. I can't believe I'm laughing. I'm fairly heartbreaking when I saw him on it to go over. Well, deadwagon. I'm on a soaring money to go out for and it's well dead like yeah Whether it's a family member friend or furry companion joining your summer road trip Enjoy the peace of mind that comes with Volvo's legendary safety

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delivered. Sunshine? No. Some wine? Yes. Get almost almost anything delivered with Uber Eats. Order now. Alcohol in select markets. See app for details. Still, just to balance this out, I'll humiliate myself a little. You know, when I, a couple of podcasts ago, maybe, a woman had offered me a seat on the tube because of my advancing years. I do remember. So I got home that day, it was quite hot, I don't know if you remember, it was quite a hot day, I'd got long trousers on, I thought I'll, I'm gonna switch the shorts and as I was taking my tr- I started taking my tr- I was just off. I fell over. I just fell over. I was trying to do it standing up. I just couldn't do it.

So God was saying, don't put shorts on. You alright? Wasn't that woman, didn't that woman on the tune teach you anything? Don't put fucking shorts on. You alright? What's that woman, did that woman on the tube teach you anything? Don't put fucking shorts on, you alright? Okay, okay you aspirin, bomb! That is the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to a human being. Why did you laugh? Did you laugh? Did you see the film? No I didn't laugh, it was horrible. The combination of that. I mean, I was still having a bit of afterburn from the woman offering me a seat, but that.

You can't even get your trousers on. Oh, it's terrible. And then what about this for a case of heartlessness? Yeah. My text went the other day, and it was from Kath, my wife. And it was a Kath, my wife, and it was a photograph. No caption, no kiss, nothing. Just a photograph of my keys in the front door. Oh no.

That's the cruelest comment at old age I've ever heard. A silent... Just my... I mean, nothing. No, no you know you need to be more careful just... Just a photograph? Yeah just the fact, just dealing with facts. Jack Hughes. Yeah so exposed I mean in the you know the front of the front door obviously. Had you left them in overnight or just briefly? No I'd got back, I took the dog for a walk and Kath, despite us having a family vote in which me and Buzz voted to keep the dog's collar on She thinks the dog should be naked in the house

Why do you say naked? Well, no collar. Yeah. Why is that? She says it hurts, it hurts her neck. Okay. I mean, it's that Anvil charm I got on it with the phone number on it. I don't have a collar for Ray I should say. You don't have a collar at all?

No, only a harness because his neck is too delicate at his size. Oh, yeah. Some necks are too delicate. Some necks aren't meant to be weighed down. His neck must be like a breadstick. Yeah. Yes. Can't put a collar on that. But I think, I can see I'm telling you that and I can see you're starting to re-evaluate. I think you know you need a collar on a dog. What if it tries to flee you? You have to grab it by something yeah and it's a female I got nothing I got no purchase yeah so that

that happened to me I think we did have a lovely event this week I won't just keep talking about me me me but you'll probably be a no as you probably be a no this is probably be a no multiple choice pick your own ending quite your Syrian you'll probably was a bit more Joe Dolce who we've mentioned before shut up of of your face. You'll probably be a no-ay. You'll probably be aware I was going to go for and then I just couldn't cope with two syllables. I understand. You'll probably be aware. Run out of steam at the end.

Anyway, last Sunday was Ghostbusters Day. Don't know if you're aware of that. No. It was the anniversary of the release of the first Ghostbusters film. So they have events take place in people gather around the firehouse. It's not in my eye cow that you're taking your anniversary. All I have in my eye cow is the Battle of the Boin for some reason. I always get the Battle of the Boin.

I can't go for lunch, sorry. I got the Battle of the Boin. I'm feeling boin today. I always... Sorry, I've got a Scottish Bank holiday. I always get the Scottish Bank holiday so I don't care. I'm glad they still have stuff like Pentecost though. Okay, I'm glad you're glad. Just saying. So to celebrate Ghostbusters Day, I say there was a big, Buzz watched six hours of the live feed from New York of various events. Not many events to be fair.

But the firehouse, which is their base in the film, is still an operational firehouse. Is that right? Really? That must be incredibly tedious for the firemen. Well there's a big Ghostbusters sign outside and a big simp. They've incorporated the Ghostbusters ghost into their badge. How often do you think they just squash a sort of nerdy film fan on the way to an actual emergency?

Yeah, maybe. Just taking a selfie with a ghost sign and unaware that they are about to be ploughed down by it. But this is in Tribeca where I think life is cheap. Oh no, Tribeca is very fashionable now. Robert De Niro bought up a load of real estate. He has a restaurant there. I don't really know the New York areas.

It's very De Niro. A little bit Johnny Depp. It's very fashionable now. Okay. Okay, thank you. Very De Niro. I thought it was 3,000 miles away. Okay. Okay. Thank you. Very De Niro. I thought it was 3000 miles away. Anyway. You'll probably be a no. You'll probably be a no. Robert, you're going to

buy this real estate? You'll probably be a no. So Buzz made some, he made some high C Ecto cooler. What's that? Which was the commercially available Ghostbusters soft drink. You can still buy cartons of it. Did this come out in the 80s? You can get cartons, you can buy cartons of it on eBay and it says in brackets sell by February 2017. So you're not buying it to drink, you're buying it for a thing. So he made that and he made Twinkies, you know Twinkies? I don't mean, you know, I don't mean teenage homosexuals. I mean, it's like a sort of a cake. Just say things like that.

I'm just clearing it up. That's what I'm talking in, Maike. That would be ridiculous. Whereas those elderly parents were doing their best to make one. Oh, God. So he made Twinkies. He's got the recipe for both of these things off the internet. Did he make the Twinkies then? Yeah.

How were they? Like baking them. Yeah, he baked them. Wow. make the Twinkies then? Yeah. How were they? Like baking them. Yeah he baked them. Wow. With a bit of help from his mother. Is there ever a point where you're not baking Ghostbusters themed merch in your mouth? But it was Ghostbusters Day to be fair. So they're lined with marshmallow fluff. Oh I love marshmallow fluff. Yeah yeah, I think she was third in RuPaul's drag race. Marshmallow fluff. We've actually had correspondence, Frank, regarding that cake. It's like Liz Hurley's dress dress cake. You know, I asked Kath again, I said, some people have asked to see your Ghostbusters cake.

Do you mind? Not just some. And she said, definitely not. Right, Kath. Well, I just want to And she said definitely not. Right Kath, well I just want to leave this with you because James from Devon has got in touch. Longtime listener, first time I could be bothered to do anything about it. Would now be the right time to release the picture of Buzz's birthday cake that had been kept out of the public eye. I based this timing on a previous podcast where you talked about Derek Okora revealing four names of ghosts and an audience member saying that that was

enough proof of ghost existence as the human brain cannot possibly remember that much information. Yes, I think she used the word retain. Which is an amazingly fancy word for someone who also believes that you can't remember more than four things at once. I think people know that because of water retention. Oh yeah, which she had in her brain. We are now four pods down the line from this episode, so we must have all forgotten who baked the cake in the first place. We can't remember the other pods, is what this person is saying. So any embarrassment or shame they may have felt towards the look of the cake is no longer an issue.

I mean, I'm not sure I agree with this logic, but nice try, James. Can I say on the reference to pods, I was invited on a Roman Catholic retreat in Ireland this week. What's that called? What is that like? Sandals or something? Something like that. Well there'll be sandals almost certainly. I booked a sandals resort for the people in

Kasachsir. Sandals Galway? You can be in our guest house or if you want to keep it simple you can be in one of our godpods. want to keep it simple you can be in one of our god pods. It's just a tiny, very tiny place that you stay in. A god pod? A god pod, yeah. Like a monk's cell but upgraded for the 21st century. Exactly. Sorry, carry on, I don't want to interrupt this. Anyway, well you haven't, James has just said, James says, you'll notice I left blanks name out of it.

Yes. So we don't end up in an endless four pod loop of never seeing this wondrous creation of hers. It's so good. And then he says, sorry, yours, Frank. Yes, exactly. Because he knows the rules, because Kath wanted Frank to pretend that he'd made it. It was so bad. He's not the only one.

We just have people are constantly getting in touch. I'm just saying Kath, no pressure. I know I don't know why she's being such a beast about it. But anyway. We had a listener as well. You know what they're like. We had a listener and my fiance say that we forgot the best bit about that Derek Okoro which was him saying, Mary loves dick, over and over again. Yes. Yes I do. I was quite relieved actually, so thank you Pierre. The thing is, she wasn't called Mary, he called her Mary Millington, she was called Anne. Mary Millington, as I said, was a 70s porn star.

Yeah? We've also, I'd like to share this. You know when she died, all the British porn magazines, Club International and all those, they were all published that week with a black border. Really? As in respect to her. Yeah, honestly. Really? Honestly. Gosh. her. Yeah, honestly

Yeah, ah the British I love them I just love them all the readers have their trousers at half-mast Yeah, they didn't have everything We've also had Paul and Sarah from Launceston Oh Lansing. Oh, is it Lanson? Yes. Of course, actually. A trap. A trap. Greetings, Frank, Emily and Piano Billy. No, Billy.

What? Piano Billy. Oh, Piano Billy. What's his name? Piano Billy would have those little things on his sleeve. He would. He really would. And do you know that would be Piano Billy's child?

In fact, that child might be called Piano Billy. The future Piano Billy. Yes. Piano Billy would duck? In fact, that child might be called Piano Billy. Piano Billy would duck grumpily while a revolver bullet almost shot him as he was playing the piano. Just take the edge out of his straw boater. Straw boater used to be the agricultural minister during apartheid. Straw boater. Ministad, you're apartheid. Straw! Straw! Straw is a great name. Why don't people call their children straw? Someone will. Greetings Frank, Emily and piano Billy. Longtime listener, first time writer. As Lanson residents, my wife and I were extremely nervous listening to your recent

podcast waiting to see if our little town was about to receive a savaging, akin to the level the Isle of Man received. We audibly fewed to each other when you left and moved on to Great Western Railways and the gluttonous boy yeah we're clear was the first thing I said to my wife the feedback listening to Frank's gonna the feedback locally has been nothing but positive we and we hope to see you again here soon sometime. All the best Paul and Sarah from Lansing. Thank you. That's nice. I know. Very nice. You could get a very high standard of treatment Frank if you continue to sort of frighten small towns with the potential of a lashing. Yeah, well I wouldn't say Ireland was a small town, I'd like to go for a whole island. Yes. They started it. We've also had a sighting which someone thought you might appreciate and

wanted to share with you. This is from prisoner1003 aka Chris in York, long-time reader etc. I'm the deputy general manager of a busy hotel in the centre of York Hashtag humble brag and last week to my shock and all we had a celebrity birthday As I walked through the restaurant, I heard a rendition of happy birthday echoing through the air I grew closer and focused my gaze to spot not only the cheeky girls Proudly singing their rendition of Happy Birthday to their infamous mother and manager. Margeet. He'd actually said pause for Frank to insert name here. Yeah Margeet and Rye. It was Margeet's 70th and fun was had by the whole table. Yeah the hell it was. That was approximate. Nice round figure. I still fancy that.

So I just wanted to assure Frank, due to his affection for the Transylvanian mother, that Marget... I think they're Romanian. They could be from Transylvania within Romania. Oh yeah, they could be. I think they might be. I'm sorry to be stupid. I thought, is Transylvania real? It's an area. It's in Romania though, isn't it? I think they might be from Transylvania. I only know Dracula and Rocky and Frank and Furtur. There are other people from there.

Rachiki girls. Oh yeah, okay. And Margit. What a CV Transylvania has. Margit is plodding on nicely and celebrated her 70th in style in York. Oh, lovely. Well, happy birthday to Margit. She's beyond compare.

Down to Margit. Compared to Margit.com. Wow, I'd love to see the cheeky girls again. I wonder what they're up to. Are they married? Well, when we last checked in, one was dating... Lembi Opik. I think that's way back though. That was when she said, the mom said, they talk about what Margit said, in fact. They talk about all sorts of intellectual stuff like astronomy and I thought yeah I've met Lembi-Opik and what he goes on about is that he's

believed that there is an enormous meteor heading towards the earth that will destroy everything. Really? I'm guessing that was the astronomy they were discussing. Do you think that? He does yeah. God that's um... He's not the only one, I think. He told me he was part of a movement. A movement? To what? Move planet? To tell the world that there's an enormous meteor heading towards him. Well, he's been quite quiet about it over the last few years.

He's done a very bad job. This is the first time hearing it. Well, you know, the dinosaurs thought it was a bit of a joke. They should have listened to that one weird dinosaur with a moon-shaped head. Yeah, exactly. Well, as Glenn Maker has pointed out, Ree Frank talking about I Hate Dinosaurs, late review Frank. I used to do a bit about that meteor destroying it and I don't know if people ever really

got it. My argument was, I said, how can it have killed every dinosaur, one meteor? Is that what happened then? So it killed the ones in Australia and it killed the ones in Italy and it killed the ones in London. I said, what must have happened? It must have been a really hot day and the dinosaur said, let's seek some shade in that ever-expanding circular shadow over there. And I think it was one of those first cases of me thinking, oh, I

can't, I better get back to an op joke. It was heartbreaking for me, as you can imagine. Can I tell you what I thought was a bit strange? I want to be honest about this because we were discussing it just before the podcast. Frank thinks I'm weird because I take baths not purely to get clean. Yes. Emily said that she will have a shower in the morning and then she will have a bath because having cleansed herself, she'll have a bath then just for pleasure. It's an ex-love.

A bath without responsibilities, one might call it. Oh, for God's sake, what do you mean responsibilities? I can hear that in Thatcher's voice. There's no- Moving without purpose. There's no such thing as society, it's all gone a bit. I view baths as just a lovely, and I'm going to use a word I know you're going to appreciate, it's an aspect of mindfulness for me.

I thought you'd like that. So I lie back in the bath. I mean, I'm afraid it is every basic cliched, oh, you women like to lie back, don't you, luxurious in the bath. I do. Does it look like a dairy milk advert? Mind your own beeswax. Candles and pink bubbles. It was flake, wasn't it?

Yeah, flake. We used to eat a flake very phallically. Oh. I think a lot of women listening to this will relate. I have a podcast on in the background. Do you listen to a podcast in the bath? No, you've got too much work to do with your scrubbing brush. I don't.

I'm never getting a bath unless there's no shower available. But wouldn't you just get in there, put some lovely... I don't want to sit watching my faeccal matter steadily making its way to the surface. Oh my God. That's not my idea of hygiene. Yes, well not the rest of us don't struggle in those areas, clearly. Mine is a lovely wholesome experience. There's no fecal matter, absolutely disgusting.

I use a lovely marshmallow-scented... I just give it off the top and I've got some of the nicest tomatoes in my garden you've ever seen. It's the most horrible thing you've ever said. Now do you have candles, scented candles? I don't have candles. Oh well at least you've drawn the line at that. Which is more than we said for you today, I don't have candles, I have lovely, I have a podcast in the background, I have marshmallow-scented, sort of bath oils, I don't think you'd understand bath oils. I like a balm. And I might just, all right Robert Oppenheimer, I sit there for about 25 minutes.

25 minutes. Are you not? Do you have to add hot water? Yes I use my toe on the tap sometimes. So I don't quite work out the level, what happens to the level of the water? You have to let a bit out. Sometimes I let out, sometimes I let it rise very high Cleopatra star. I haven't tried my new bath, I've moved I've moved places. Can you get in a bath? Not often. Frank, that's a good move. Correct? Not often.

No, but I can't imagine you... When I have a bath, it looks like when cartoons have a bath. Knees out, fully sitting up in it like a tin bath. Almost sometimes people won't be big enough for the bath, I presume. Oh yeah. That does happen. Every won't be big enough the bath I presume. Oh yeah. That does happen. Every, any hotel. You know the bath chair.

Listen, any hotel you can't have a bath in. Unless, unless, and you'll know this from touring around, every now and then there'll be a hotel in a town that's just called, you know, the Eagle and you go, oh it's not even a chain, it's just on its own. Yeah. They'll have these big Victorian rooms and they'll have a massive massive bath Because there's absolutely no corporate efficiency going on whatsoever That is that those places are absolute you can put money on that the fruit bowl will just be the big three

Orange apple banana They will never strike from those old regulars. I've put a fruit bowl in your room. Oh, thank you very much. I can picture it immediately. I can draw it for you. It's a fabulously 70s idea of nutrition, isn't it? A fruit?

What is fruit? I don't want fruit. It's an apple, an orange and a banana. Thank you very much for asking. What else is there? Yeah. What about when I did a show at Thames TV studios and there was a pineapple in the fruit. I said, has anyone ever thought, I've got the show in half an hour, I think I'll have

that fucking pineapple. Can one of the runners get me a machete? Anyway, three shows further on. I think I'll have that fucking pineapple. Can one of the runners get me a machete? Anyway, three shows further on. Who's the coconut in there? I needed a drill. I needed a drill to drink the milk out. Give me a drill and a hammer for the fruit bowl.

Absolutely insane.