The Frank Skinner Show - Got Your Nose!

Episode Date: October 19, 2026

Frank and Em are in the studio with comedian Brennan Reece. Brennan’s “got your nose”, Frank’s got water issues on his street, and Em’s got messages from the Outside World. If you want to message the show, email us at [e-mail] or WhatsApp us on 07457 417 769. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Discover yours at Chevrolet.ca. It's Frank Off the Radio. It's the Frankskinner podcast, don't you know? One fine morning when my life is over, I'll fly away. Very simplified version of the afterlife. This is Frank Off the Radio. I'm joined by Emily, Dean and Brennan Reese. He's with us.

Follow the podcast all the way from Manchester. Follow the podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via Frank off the radio at Avalonuk.com. WhatsApp, WhatsApp, WhatsApp. 07457. It's that one. 4-1-7-9-0-0-0. Oh, it's that one.

Oh, no. Shouldn't have done it. Went creepy at the end. Oh. Oh, and then that bit. 16-9. I don't want to hear that finish. No, I don't want to hear that.

that, I've gone nom in one a year now. Have you? Yeah. You know when you get, anyway. Okay. So, we're with, who are we with Frank? Brennan Reese. Oh, congratulations.

Maybe I need to do a jingle where it's like, B.R.E. Double N. A.N. Yeah, why don't you? I will. I'll. I'm bloody well will. Yeah, why don't you? Why don't you do one of those?

Is that a Mancunian accent? It's the thing now, Manchester is. It's taken over the control. Frank says we're being Manchestered. He said first to a... Burnham. Yeah. It's huge, you know.

I'm the third bit of that. Did we learn nothing from the 90s? My obsession with Johnny Marr. Yes, Edinburgh, TV and Film Festival moving to Manchester. That's next year. Yes. So, oh, he's an odd thing. Go on.

I'm no activist. but there's water pissing out of our road pumping up through the surface of the road Hang on, what do you mean? It's actually squirting up about three inches into the air. I hate that word.

So, what, three? No squirting. Oh. Makes you feel sick. I hate that phrase, three inches. Fine. Anyway. So I saw it on Saturday.

night. It was pissing down the road, right? Where was it? Was it David Badeel's end? No, no, it's my end. Do you live on the same street? Yeah. They live in the same road. Yeah. What? They can't get away from each other. They always have done living the same road.

He went there first, to be honest. And then you followed. And I followed. Prior to that, they lived right next door to each other. That feels like Ant and Deck. And I reckon Deck went first, and then Ant followed. Yeah. Anyway. So I called my wife. She was upstairs. What did you call her?

I'd call her darling. Nice. I said, have a look at the window? So she went, oh, my God. Oh, Mark, Gold. She doesn't talk like that. Ah, Mark Gould. Caff Beale in East Ender.

It's a fucking river. She said, I said, I know, darling. I said, found. Thames Water, will you? Because I'm going to pick Boz up. Because I'm a celebrity. Because I'm a celebrity, yeah. So anyway, she found her Thames Water.

Now, Thames Water, well, they look after, you wouldn't get this in Manchester, but Thames Water are getting a reputation for, you don't, for a start of, don't name your company after the water from the Thames. Oh yeah, you don't want to actually drinking water. Notorously filled with corpses.

Well, notoriously full of shit. Like Thames Water. Corpses and poo-poo. So this is pissing, you know, pissing out the surface. So she phones up and they said, yes, it's already been reported, Madam. Mm-hmm. So a bloke came on the next day. One bloke.

Oh. And he, so we stopped him. So what are you going to do? He said, well, I've turned the main off. I said, so we got no water? You said, I've turned it back on again. I said, but the water's coming out and the thing. He said, yeah, someone will be here.

It was a nice bloke. Yeah. Someone will be here to fix this before October the 21st. I said, you're joking. I said, this is absolutely true. I said, my wife said, she slept better last night because of the sound of running water. It was like ASMR? Yeah.

Coming down the gutter. All the cars have moved six foot down the road. But that's such a waste of water as well. I'm going to show you. I'm going to fucking show you. Especially, can I just say Brennan Frank will be unaware that Frank had a visit from Thames Water. I want to say six months ago. Yes, the heavies came around and said, look, we have noticed that you've been having...

Yeah, you're using more water than there are people living in the house. And tell them what they said then. So she said there's three people living in this house and you are using the water. water of four people. So in the lice of that, in the lice of that, I do think this is even more outrageous. Maybe they're just getting you back. Oh, it's really pissing.

So Frank is showing us video footage of this. I will put online. It's extreme, Frank. But is this, is it permanently like that? I bought the dog back from, I took the dog for a walk. I bought it back covered in mud. I said to care, I'm just going to hose the dog down. She said, you can't, there's a host pipe bag.

It's a fucking hose bike bag. There's water pissing out of the road. You should have got the dog in the road. I should have done. Do you know what? I've got to say, Frank, I'm going to save a bit of money. I might come around to yours for a shower. Yeah.

I was going to say, when visitors have been over the last three days. What are they said? Come up and have a look at that. Oh, do you. It's become a bit of a thing. Come on ever look at the road. We've got a Charlie DiMockwater feature from 1996. You won't believe it.

You won't believe it. You should. There's some little gnomes round it. Turn it into... And is it in the middle of the street? Do cars drive over it? It's in the middle of our street. Our house.

Yeah, I'll leak. So what are you going to do about it? You're just going to wait till the 21st? Well, I just... It feels wrong. What to leave it? I mean, there's something morally repugnant about water just... I think...

It's almost like Thames Water don't know what they're doing. thought of the Africans, you know, a place where water is at a premium. Yeah. And then we, it's bad enough, we have a much richer and easier life without just letting the water piss away and not doing anything about it. And we learnt nothing from Band-Aid. No, exactly. No rain nor rivers flow.

But it is. Even though they've got the Christmas bit wrong, we dwell over it. We don't dwell on that. It's a shocker, I have to say. Frank, I'm horrible. fight for you. Thanks. And this week, got in my car.

I say I got in my car, I couldn't get in my car. The battery had gone flat on my car. You've been having a terrible life. I phone the AI. The man came. Now I don't know if you know, but a lot of car fobs. Yes, I've said fob. If you press a little button, you can pull out a tiny key.

Are you aware of this? I've literally got it on my car. Yeah. And I pretend it's a little sword. A little key, and you can open it up if your battery's flat, so you can get in. Yeah, I know the key. Anyway, the AA man, he pressed the little button, he took it out. Oh, he knew, didn't he?

Like a sword stick. And anyway, he couldn't open the door. And he said, he said, this is the wrong key for this car. I said, what you're talking about? I use that key every day. Not the key, but I used the... The form? So he said, have you got a spare?

I said, hold on. So I went and I got the spare. He said, no, it's the same. you say what's happening is somebody's changed the lock on this car what they've changed the lock on my car without me knowing anything about it so weirdly I called the locksmith when I say I in brackets

I call my BIA and she called the locksmith recommended this this bloke turns up and he tries the key and he said wrong lock and I said Who changed it? Were you? Who the fuck

have you ever heard of anyone? Can I say that's the weirdest practical joke I've ever heard? Or if it's car thieves who think ahead. Oh and they're doing it like in a year rapid. We change the lock and they will come a bit later. So anyway,

this bloke, he gets this fabulous tool out. Oh yeah. And it was like it looked like something slightly mystical It had like a scale on it and you could move it around. Really? Like calculating the seasons. Like a sort of divining.

I thought he was going to tell me when the next eclipse was going to out. Like a nostridamus sort of. Yeah. Yeah. And then he, I said he's at a skeleton key. He said, no, I'm going to pick your luck. And he moved the thing. He clicked a little bit and clicked while I hope he didn't use this. And he opened it.

And I had to hold the handle for him to do. do it. But that felt nice. And then he got the battery. I had to rev the car up. He said to me, he sat down and he lit a cigarette, this bloke. He said, you know, a very good helper. He said, we could, you know, we could work together.

We could make a lot of money. And I said, no, I don't think I'm in for a career. I'd love it. If you did that, I would love it. I would love it if you did that. He was having a cigarette. And I was saying, well, Don. for having a cigarette.

You haven't lowered yourself to a vibe. He said, no, it's bad. I don't like vap. He said, what? The UK now is shithole. And I said, oh, no, don't say that. He said, sorry, I know it's your country. I'm sorry, I say that.

But he's a shit hole. Still stop with it. Still start with him. We just sat. As he's breaking into your car. Yeah, we sat and he smoked. So we talked about the potential for me joining him as an assistant. I wish you could be his helper, and I'd like it if that was your official title.

Oh, man. So that was the weirdest thing. Your neighbours must have been a bit, like, every day, just a new sort of trady man. So you've had Thameswater turn up. Yeah. Then the A. Turn up and do nothing. Well, if they, you know, I've had my key replaced because I dropped my fob down the drain.

Oh, no. It's dreadful. But they come up, they replace it all, Frank. I had an argument with a girlfriend once and I said I'm going and she grabbed my car keys and threw them down a drain That's a moment Was this in the metal days?

In the what days? The metal days When one had metal car keys and not cards Yes, like a proper key I thought you meant when I was in Uriah Heep I know Back in your metal days

Yeah but that is a terrible thing for someone to do I don't like things like that I'm quite proud I've done some dreadful things in my life as you know, Frank, but I've never done something like thrown a ring or thrown a key or something utterly destructive like that. Well done, you. Design to cause them maximum inconvenience.

Yeah, which I think she didn't want me to leave. Did she not? You could say it was an act of passion. Yeah, but aggressive passion. I remember what I thought, all I saw was logistics. I've got to go to a fucking garage and say, am I going to get there? I'm going to get, you know, get a cat.

No, you hear stories about people hiding people's passports and things. I don't like that. No, I've never heard that story. Well, I know one particular one.

I don't think I can say who it is. Probably not. Someone round to a very famous rock star from your neck of the woods. Oh, really? About this later, yeah. Hid the passport. Oh?

That's called gaslighting. And did they say, Where's me fucking passport? I want to get a bit of sunshine. They might. I well have said exactly those words. Okay. Okay.

I used to live with a girl who... You? I know. What? I know. Absolutely sickening. At uni who supposedly had a fear of having a... Do you know when someone goes, I've got your nose?

What? Do you know when you say it to a child and they go, I've got your nose? She'd freak out. And they used the thumb. Yeah. Use the thumb. Oh, we never did that up in our way. Yeah, so you all did.

You did, I'll demonstrate on... Brennan. I've got you know. See, my thumb now looks like I'm holding the end of my nose. Oh, who would do that, friends of your parents? And parents as well. My parents were very lovely. No, no.

It was a craze. Not a Doris Lessing didn't do that to me. It was an absolute craze. It's like vaping is now. Oh, is it? Yeah, it was the vaping of its time. Around 2005. Sounds slightly abusive.

And she'd freak out and I threw it out the window. It's like a passport. And she made me go and get it. Oh. She made me go outside and get the nose. Did she? Yeah. I felt so silly just like reaching down.

What level of belief was she operating on? I think she was just traumatised as a kid maybe. I had to go out. She wasn't messing around. She was nearly crying. Really? Not sniffling. She didn't have a nose.

Because she thought you'd thrown her nose out of the window. Yeah. Well, that did happen to Francis Rossi of status quo. Did it? Yeah, don't you remember he was having a shower once? And I'm afraid he'd taken a lot of Class A drugs. Oh, yeah. And he looked down in the show, I thought, well, what's that?

It's part of his nose. His septum? He told his story often, yeah. I think he just saw all this pink mass in the shower, and I'm afraid it did fall out. Like a lush bath bomb. Do you know what? I hate lush bath bombs. Me too.

Do you hate them? Do you like them, Frank? I never bath. I'm very much a shower man He likes showers How long are your showers if you're using four people's water? I just have to Four, there's three of us remember

and a dog And we drink And stuff like that But anyway I should have said We don't drink alcohol So we obviously going to consume more water Than your average house

So they just live on wine It's mad that in it What I could have a shower And I could just hold a bath bomb Like an orb And have it explode in my hand and run down my arm drip off my elbow. I just find those lush bath bombs.

Like, what, everything's in the bacon egg? What else do you put in them? Do you remember there's rubbish in them? Do you remember the summer riots that were, were they stop or somewhere like that? This summer? Your end, now the summer before. Oh.

Do you remember it was those sort of right-wing rioters. Oh, when everyone was painting roundabouts and burning down all the end. Yeah. Yeah. And one of the things it showed you these looters. Right? And they had Losh bags. And I thought, first of all, looters, since when did they get a carrier?

The old tradition, it comes out in your arms. You don't get a bag. I love that they've got Losh bags. And what the fuck are you doing in Losh? You're right-wing rioters. And they took the bath bomb thing of it, literally. Yeah, yeah. Now we'll blow up some police officers.

Lush is absolutely fantastic. It's great, but the bath... No, I'm just meaning that. Oh, stealing it. In that context, it's fantastic. It's like, do you remember the riots of a while ago when someone was nicking Pilau Rice? Yes, that was the one in London I remember.

Well, do you remember that, Frank? Yeah, I would want to say it was about 2011, 2010 maybe. Okay. Things got a bit hairy for a while. Yeah, and people were looting, and someone just came out with a big bag of rice. Yeah. I thought, rice is one of the cheapest things you can get.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe they're going to a wedding. Maybe. I can forgive them for that. And we should do outside world. I don't think we've mentioned it.

We should. But you know, on that story I told you about waiting for Alice Cooper outside and then he never showed up. Oh, yes. There was a postscript to that, which I didn't tell you. I don't know whether there was some part of me who was too ashamed to tell you this. But when it became clear that Alice definitely had gone, and wasn't coming. The people who were waiting

started turning to me and saying, can I have a selfie? I'm so humiliating. In a terrible, oh well, I suppose we'll have to do this washed up old.

I mean, it was like you're going to a farmer's market for four grand and I'll have to salmon paste if it's sold it. It's like when they do the half price, it soos at 6.30 p.m. That's what it is.

Eminess put this yellow sticker. Frank, you were a yellow sticker. But they just turned on me. Yeah. Did they get the selfie? Well, what do you do in that? Well, I did the selfies. Oh, that's humiliating.

But you had to. You couldn't say, no, I've got my pride. I think fear of humiliation stops people from doing all sorts of nice things. Well, that's true. I just go straight through the humiliation barrier. Also, I think you'd agree with me, Brennan. Oh my God, that pause was mortifacardo. Stand-up comedy gets you sort of a huge to humiliation, wouldn't you agree?

I don't really get embarrassed anymore because I've been embarrassed so many times. Yeah, the skin thickened. It's like my feet. The skin thickens. Yes. So outside world. Yes. Well, funny enough, we have something in relation to Brennan.

Whether this is funny enough is open to interpret. Oh, here we go, the critique. After Brennan said he'd never had a dream. Do you remember that, Frank, last time when Brennan Reese was on? After Brennan said he'd never had a dream, someone called Reclining Pear on Instagram. Sounds like a duo. I know, they've chosen the name.

I can't control that, I'm afraid. Has said... I think that was the original title for that Philip Larkin poem. Reclining pair. The sarcophagy. Yeah, exactly. What is that called again, Fray? Arndall Toom?

Yeah, Arndall Toom. Anyway, Reclining Pear, I wish you'd called it that, Frank. It would have been fine. Reclining pair has said, You've never had a dream, Brennan. Well, I've never had a Frodo. I love reclining pair, don't you, Frank. But that's right up there with when we were sitting before the podcast.

It's so embarrassing. Brennan was slightly astonished. I didn't really question this because I'm used to this kind of thing. But Emily said to me, have you seen wicked, Frank? And I said, yeah. And she said, I haven't. End of chapter. That was the end of that conversation.

Frank's used to my weird ways now. But you seem to find that a bit strange. I'd love it. I just think it's nice in it just to see. It's a bit childlike, isn't it? I'd say it's a lot childlike. But then you asked one, didn't you? Was you serious?

Have you seen 12 Monkeys? I mean, I haven't. I just did it as a joke. I had an incredible thing. I watched 12 Monkeys. Is that the one with Brad Pitt? No. Oh, I can't remember. I think it is.

It's by Terry Gilliam. It's one of those. Oh, yeah. And it's really like a complicated film. Okay. I'm seeing Bruce Willis in my memory. That sounds quite good to me. Anyway, it's great.

You see Bruce Willis people? Yeah. I see Bruce Willis people. So I watched it and I loved it. I watched it with my girlfriend of the time. Oh, no. And we had lots, it was one of those, we watched the film. It was on VHS, I'm not kidding.

And we talked for ages after all. Yeah, but what was that bit with? Yeah, but what did it mean when we had all that. Yeah. That night, Jonathan Ross, as a big mate of Emmlies, he had a chat show, but only in London. it was a dip. I think he was having a dip at the time.

And he had a chat show and they said, would you do it? And I loved Jonathan Ross, so I was happy to do it. And I got to the green room and it was empty except from one bloke standing in the corner. And I went over and it was Terry Gilliam.

No. And I said, oh my God. I can't believe. I saw 12 monkeys last night. And he said, I said, I said, we just, that's all. We talked about after all we talked about.

You know that bit where he says? And I went through about eight things. And he just told me the answer. Did he love it? He wasn't like, you know, someone said to T.S. Elliott, you'll know this. Oh, shut on. Someone said to T.S. Eliot, what did you mean by three white leopards under a juniper tree? And then he said.

And he said three white leopards under a juniper tree. But Terry Gilliam wasn't like that. He was saying, no, no. Do you remember that bit wet? And he explained the whole thing to me. That's lovely. It was great. People had paid for that.

It was a dream. You must have been so thrilled. I've seen him. Couldn't believe it. What are the chances of that? There's a part two to this. Have I got time to do it? Yes, of course I have.

Of course you are, Frank. Your name's on the thing. You do what you want. No, I know, but I tried to be munificent. So, go on. Years later, I went to see at the Edinburgh Film Festival

was probably in fucking Manchester now. I... I went to see Fear and Lothin in Las Vegas. Oh yeah? Which I love. Is that Nick Cage? No, I got it wrong.

No, it's Johnny Depp. Oh yeah, Hunter S. Thompson. Hunter S Thompson. Yeah. So afterwards they said we're having... It was because it was a festival. So I arrived and they said there's one other guests here

and there's... Because there's only one guest turned up so far, he feels a bit awkward and he's thinking about leaving. So can you go and talk to him? And I said, yeah, sure. Who is it? They said Terry Gillier. Oh, no.

Is this after? Yeah. Wow. So I went over and I said, oh, man, I just seen the film. It was great. It's absolutely brilliant and blah, blah, blah. What does he say? I said, I especially like that bit.

I said, because I went on a lot. I said, not like as drogy as that one, but I went on lots of benders when I just got lost for days and stuff. I said, there's a bit where he looks. in the mirror and he looks terrible and disheveled and drunk and he changes his hat I said and that's just the thing you do some stupid detail

I said it was so brilliantly observed and he said yeah what happened was we filmed some later we'd already filmed some later scenes and he had the wrong hat on so we had to put that in I said oh I've really made a phone a phone he went no no no I think you're right no it's still and he's trying to make me feel better

you will have made him feel happy Frank that it looks intentional Well, yeah. Do you know what I mean? But it made me look like a twat. Anyway, outside world. I won't deny. Do you recall, Frank, we were discussing... Never start a sentence with a man my age.

I'm going to stop saying that soon. We were discussing battering rams recently. Yes. Yes. And a member of the police... I battered two in Wigan in 1984. Delicious, though. Yeah.

Oh, God. Exactly. Anything deep fried is nice. A member of the police force got in touch with us. Oh yeah. Do you remember? He operated the battering ram. Very good.

And they referred to them. Can you remember what they called? Were you on that week, Brent? He said it you're really self-conscious when you're knocking down a potential criminal's door. And the other cop was going, how many goes is he going to need? And he was saying that he laughed at people that were bad at it. And he told us that there's a specific name for it, which sounds a bit like something from a sex shop. It's called the enforcer.

Hello, I'll have an enforcer, please, extra small. A bit tacky. The travel size. Travel size enforcer. I'd like to have a go and then one of the coppers say, You know you did very well. You could make a lot of money out of this. I see you as my helper.

Well, we've had another member of the police force rank get in touch with us. The police are all over us, can't we? I'm loving it. The police always come late if they come at all. Oh, okay. T.S. Eliot. No. Tracy Chapman, I think it was.

Wasn't it Tracy Chapman? I don't know. I thought it was the guy who helped you get into your car. Always come late if they come at all. Anyway, James P. That's all he's told us. Maybe he's protecting his anonymity. Well, probably unless he's named P.

It seems unlikely. I think if you're not. you're a policeman, you'd want to change that. He's called this email, he's given a subject line, The Big Red Key. Oh, I like it so far. Loving James P in his work, the Enforcer was known in my old force as, Frank.

The Big Red Key? Yes. Which is a great, it's great calling it a key when he uses to smash at one shoulder. Well, you're not wrong, because as James P continues, it does, after all. The Big Red Pee, as I call him in the summer. Or were you worrying when you have a big red pee?

Oh. I got those days. You need to call you. You need to, don't go on WebMD. They were going to put me in hospital in Edinburgh because I'd had a big red pee. Really? This is a few years ago. The doctor said, I'm really worried about this.

You can't do your show tonight. So I've got to do my show. He said, honestly, blood in the urine, that could mean some bad things. And you phoned me about off and now later and said, have you had a lot of beet roots just like there? And I said, oh, yeah, there was like a, I bought a try, but you had to eat. A tray of beetroot? I tried a beetroot.

I said, but when I saw the cell by, I had to eat it one go. Oh, but I had the big red pee. Did you panic? When he, he had a terrible bedside. I didn't know if he made your pee red, Frank. Yeah. So he had a bedside manner that was like, oh, I'm really worried about this. I thought, well, great, you're supposed to be saying, no, I'll be fine.

No, yeah, that was a real. I mean, not the actual... Well, that was a relief. Oh, I don't want to know. They all are. Next time, just do what I do, ring Adam K. It saves a lot of time, I find. Yeah, we can't.

Adam K is he a friend of Stephen P. What's he called? She only knows people by their names. That's why you like Kafka. Oh, okay. Peter Kays, she's very friendly. Yeah, Phil K. I don't know any of those K.

Cecil G. The only... K I like is Joseph K, as you well know, Frank. I just, that was my reference. I know you mentioned Joseph K and I thank you for that. James P. Who was, wasn't there a pop star something? Gina G.

Oh, yes. And Honey G. Mel B. Mel B. Mel C. I think we could put a whole alphabet together. I'd be happy with that. My greatest name. That's my Spotify playlist.

Cardi B. Cardi B. Yeah. Dario G. I love. I love her knitwear. Anyway, James Pee. Cardi B.

did a thing with, now let me get this name. I won't get the name right, but it's something like Lee Meg Stallion. Megan Lee Stallion. They did a thing together. They did. You're absolutely right. Well done, Frank. I remember that.

Where does L.L. Cool J stand? Because he's all sorts of initials. Do you know what the LL stands for? I do. You know why? Ladies love. I've in Ladies Love Call Jane. Yes.

Yeah. But I interviewed LL. Cool J. He was really lovely. Was it? Great. And I don't think he was arrested either. Not that night.

That's Peter P. He'll know. Is he Peter Pee? What is he called? No, it's James Pee. He's not Peter Piper, Peter Pekle, whatever he did. James P. So his police name is PCP.

Oh my God, it is. It can't be PECP. You are so clever working that out. It's great if you've got a sore throat. Well, anyway, James P and his big red key. Jasper Carrot, he worked. I feel like I'm in a Dr. Seuss, thing. You want to hear.

He works with Jasper Caron. Like a vegetable show for kids. Don't know what happened to his urine. Do you want to know about James P and his big red key? Of course. Great. Anyway, as he said, they called it the Big Red Key. Because, Frank, it does, after all. Open doors.

Lovely. You could join the force as a little helper. Obviously, they have those in the force. On one occasion, I buried one. That's a big red key. Yeah, this is the sort of talk men come out with when they get together or buried one last night. It's like Trump on that bus. Yeah, exactly.

I buried one deep into the surface of a door. a big red key and a colleague suddenly stepped in turned the handle of the door and quietly opened it as it was unlocked.

No. Oh, that's a big red key fail. That is really embarrassing, James Pee. I'm sorry. It'd be more embarrassing if you had a nose blade and one of the other coppers put the big red key down the back of your shirt.

Well, James P. says he's also got his leg stuck kicking in an interior door before when the adrenaline was coursing through the veins. That's embarrassing as well. And it sounds like you could get a nasty scratch. Well, James P ends by saying both of them made me look a,

I don't know if I'm comfortable saying this, it's a category C swear word. An absolute C. No, he's used something else. But that's James P. I love James P. I mean, so you never get, because it's on the news,

this is what's wrong with the news. You never get the lighter side of early morning grass. It's all very serious. You're right, Frank. Why can't we hear about the Big Red Key more often? Even if they did the bloopers at the end like they do with films. Do you know, so you get the normal news and then you get the extra bits? Exactly.

Do you know who love this, your cast? She's obsessed by police. She is. Any other police out there, feel free to get in touch. When my car got stolen in a second time, she said, oh, great, the police will be around. What, as if that was a nice trade-off? She liked it. Well, I'm...

Oh, great. That's our response. We find my car. It's covered in scratches and all the sides ripped off it and stuff like that. And I'm talking to this copper saying, oh, fat, look, they've sawned through the bloody steering wheel lock and all that. And I can hear cats saying, oh, this other copper, you must have seen some terrible. I know, I'll do it again.

You master, you must have seen some fucking terrible things in your time. Just not thought like that. It doesn't do anything. Trying to get, you know. What's your view on the, like, do you have a view of the police? Well, I... Well, that's a difficult question to answer these days. No, it's all right.

I am not. I'm not one of those. You know, because I was a student when people, in the days when people call them pigs. Oh, yeah. And stuff like that. A lot of those sort of, there was a lot of like middle-classy students who slagged off the police. But my problem and the reason why I'm on. unable to feel like that about the police generally is I went to a lot of away games in the 80s.

Right. There were several occasions when I thought, we're going to fucking die here. And then the police would literally turn up like the cavalry in a cowboy film. So I can think of certainly four occasions at away games where the police, I'm not saying they save my life, but they definitely saved me from a fucking major kicking. Wow. So then I tend to see them as good guys. Not fashionable, I know, but that's what I think.

What do you think? I don't mind them. Okay. Unless I'm getting... Harold. Harold. Yeah. I was going to say Hassled or Harris.

And I ended up saying Harold. He didn't like the police. I'm never ever going to not use the word Harold in that. It's great. It's absolutely. It's one of the best things you've ever done. And so word. Herald.

Well, it's totally harold by them. See, the best accidents are often better than the real thing. Not when they're bright red. Well, things that me and Brennan can't really comment on. We don't talk about ladies' issues. Oh, but it's so much to talk about your bright red urine. I think that's all right. That's universal.

He's just sharing. Men and women have bright red ureth. Old men and women. No. You don't have to be old to eat beetroot. You do? Oh dear. Yeah.

I've never had it. Never had that. Never had a Fredo, never had a dream. Never fled at any point. I've never noticed on Beatroot. 60 plus. When you said a tray as well, I thought you meant like a dinner tray. No, no.

I'm in a cardboard tray with maybe 12 beetroot on it. 12? That's more than I've ever added me life. That's not something out of a broigle painting. I've never seen anything like it. I'm just popping them down like amphetamines. Have you tried a mowam? They're well nicer.

I don't know what that is. What is that? A sweet. A mowat. A sweet. So how come when I said that I sounded like Dame Maggie Smith? A mowam! Why did you bring up a sweet when I'm talking about a vegetable?

Because you could eat them instead and they're nicer. Hang on, Frank. I'm Googling a mowam. You must know a mowam. Oh, Frank. You know these. his wigwam? No, Frank.

Oh, those, I didn't know you said it like that. What do you say? Mowam. I'd say Mowam. Mowam, yeah. Mowum. Why is everyone laughing? Maw.

Maw. I walk into the shop, so you got to you, ma'am. Why do you sound drunk? Leave her, I thought I called the police, but I just want some Mowl. And some white lightning, please. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Have you ever bought white lightning?

frightening, Frank. No. I haven't. I haven't. That's another conversation, don't. I've been struck twice, if that counts. The next episode, don't think for a second I'm reading this. The next episode of Frank Skinner's radio days is out on Wednesday.

We're talking about children choosing presents. When I looked at that, I honestly, you know the other week, I saw the Tinder Swindler had been arrested. And we thought it was Tilda Swinton. Yeah, you did. My brain had started averaging it. It started having a guess. What the fuck is it?

I can read. It doesn't have to have a guess. But I honestly thought I was saying, next week's episode, we're talking about children losing their parents. I thought, fucking hell, why did we do that?

We're actually talking about children choosing presence. Okay. For family members and how weird kids' stories can be. Okay. How weird kids' stories can be. Is it not, it sounds like weird kids and their stories? It's an apostrophe yes, though, that weird kids' stories.

But yeah, it does sound like weird kids. Yeah, what the weird kids are buying the parents. Yeah, yeah. Not kids' weird stories. When weird kids tell your stories, like, I see dead people. Yeah. I see red people as my doctor is. out in for a set.

It's the Frank Skinner podcast. A new winter change is blowing. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. I'm not totally sure how it's going. Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch,

you can email the podcast via Frank off the radio at avalonuK.com. unlock unlimited free grocery delivery with PC Express Pass. Shop online and get the same low No Frills prices delivered. Get your first year of PC Express Pass for just $2.50 a month.

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