The Frank Skinner Show - Harriet Kemsley

Episode Date: July 14, 2025

The team are joined by Harriet Kemsley! Harriet pops by to talk about her podcast, Single Ladies in Your Area. The gang also chat about men holding fish, wedding rings and The Last One Laughing UK. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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have resurfaced at McDonald's Canada. The international menu heist. Try them all while you can. For a limited time in participating McDonald's and Canada. It's Frank off the radio, featuring him and that posh lady-o and the one with the French name, who from South Africa came. They're all here, open brackets, hooray! Close brackets today. Hey! This is Frank off the radio. I'm joined by Emily Dean and Pia Novelli and Harriet

Kemsley is with us today. Cue applause. Do we do my own applause? Some sort of. We could make a noise. I'll see if I've got anything in my Harriet Kemsley music. I think I sound like we've lost her. Yeah, I'm afraid this is actually my Britain's Got Talent personal tragedy back track. Zooming in on a black and white headshot of you. Having me on the podcast.

And then I lost an egg. Anyway, you can follow the podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via frankofftheradiosavlonuk.com. You can WhatsApp us on... It's Frank off the radio, gold every time. Laughs so strong, they should be a crime. Very nice. At the end there, it was a sort of advert for a bank. Bank off the radio. There you go.

That was by Martin Gardner. Martin Gardner. Martin Gardner. Anyway Harriet, welcome. Was that like a horse? No, those are the Osmonds. You know, have you heard of the Osmonds? Like Ozzy Osmond? Donny Osmond. Not Ozzy Osmond. Ozzy Osmond would be a fabulous amalgam of heavy metal and mindless pop. It'd be a great cover band. You've heard of Donny Osmond, have you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, he had, him and his brothers were in a band and they had a song called Crazy Horses which used a sort of screeching organ.

So they went crazy horses, woo, woo, so it sounded a bit like a horse. It was covered by a boy band. I'm going to remember who that was presently, but anyway.. It was covered by a boy band. I'm going to remember who that was presently, but anyway. Oh, well they were a boy band. Possibly Boyzone. Anyway. Five. So, yes, welcome to the show, Harriet.

And can I say that Harriet, let's just start,'s doing a podcast called Single Ladies in Your Area with Amy Gledhill who's another very funny comedian. And I love it. Oh, do you listen? Yeah, I really like it. Oh, that's nice. Hard relate. Yeah, yeah.

Frank? I'm a married man. But it's about dating, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I ask you a question from the off? Yes. I'm a married man. But it's about dating, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I ask you a question from the off? Yes. You are on some dating apps, I presume for the purposes of the show rather than for any need in your life. Is that right?

Well, that's a very complimentary question and sadly there is a big need. The whole first series, we were finding it very hard to even get a date. It was so, we were like the worst dating. People doing the podcasts, because a lot of it was about how we couldn't even get on a date. It was- Like episode three, still nothing.

Episode 17, there's still nothing. But that's better than finding love, because then the whole show's upside down. That was it, everyone was very worried that it might not continue. We should say sometimes people are unavailable, there's a lot of unavailable as well sometimes. Thank you, I appreciate that. That's not our problem. There's a question I need to ask you from the off because there's something I'm confused by. Yes.

Are the pictures on the dating app of men holding dead fish? Yes. Why? I don't know. You have a better insight into it. Why are they holding fish? Is it some sort of subliminal message? Yeah, I guess it's like a primal thing like, don't worry. I will feed you and look after you. Yeah, don't worry, I've got a fish. I only know about this because I was listening to a Radio 4 show with Maisie Adam about the women's Euros and Harriet was, if I may say, an unlikely guest. Yeah, I did flag her. She obviously thought, well, I'm

doing this. Don't tell them I don't know anything about football. And they said, what really gets on your nerves about modern football? And she said, it's those guys holding the dead fish in the photo. And I thought, oh, I don't think I've collected that up in any series. The question is, what's your biggest like, Ix? Or like what's your biggest red flags? I think that was the question. What's your biggest red flag?

I just said it in an old man's way. Well I think you just, maybe everyone assumed it would be I would answer related to football as it was a football series. Yeah. But yeah I didn't know anything about football so. Oh I wish I knew what the dead fish symbolism was then. So many of them do. I think you're right though, isn't it?

Me man, me make barbecue. I bring you big fish. And you on bear. Maybe the fish is, this could be you. I could be holding you up to a camera. Dead, I could be holding your cold dead body. Dead in a forest. Yeah, I'm not sure about it. I was very impressed that you are a component in The Daily Mail's Perfect Woman.

Oh, God, yes. Ooh. Yeah, but it's for the worst bit. I don't think it. Whose body part? I'm trying to remember whose body part. I'm the elbow, what can I say? Men go wild, I can't go anywhere.

Don't you know Harriet Kemsley pours her elbows into these sleeves. Showing your body with her elbows out. Whose eyes was it? Can you remember? Yeah, it's kind of terrifying just to like, just to separate the eyes. So it's someone's eyes. They did it as a pair. They didn't use two separate people. I've got an eye each. One shot, one open. It's like a Frankenstein thing of building. Yes, it's a Frankenstein ideal woman. And the rest was all her appearance until it got to me. No, I mean...

I say you had the best one. Yeah, yeah, except for when you look at the male equivalent and then the male equivalent, my version is Jeremy Clarkson. Which is... Harriet's was sense of humour. Yeah, because they had Molly May's hair. I don't know who that is. You do, she's narrative Tommy Fury.

You do, you've seen the Amazon series. Yeah, I have, I really. The only Amazon series I've seen is Wonder Woman. Voice Cat Deeley. Oh Cat Deeley. That's nice for you, Frank. That's nice, that's a West Midlands region. Birmingham. Oh Cat Deeley. That's nice for you Frank. That's a West Midlands regional accent. Birmingham. There you go. Body Amanda Holden. Well let's not go through the whole

thing. They've gone from... How precise do they go with the body? But that's what I'm saying. No they don't. The face they're going eyes, nose and then with body they're going eh body. It's the body don't worry about it. I bet that is new in the last 10 years though, I bet 10 years ago they... What? I bet they had like tits of... Oh no. They can't do that anymore. Vagina, they made it sit well.

As you say, let's not go through that. No, let's not go through it. But I think sense the humour is a great one to get. I'm so good. Because that lasts. Whereas the others fold into... Yeah, but still, can't get a date.

What does it mean? Well, men are frightened of funny women. You should put the screenshot on the apps. You should, yeah. Well, I was watching Loose Women recently. I was at a bus stop and they were just passing. No. And they, you know when they have at the bottom what their subject is? Well, I was watching Loose Women recently. I was at a bus stop and they were just passing.

No. And they, you know when they have at the bottom what their subject is they're discussing that day and it said, should there be photographs on dating apps? Oh, yes. Yes. See, if you'd have been on, the article would have only lasted two seconds. Could have spent the rest of the show discussing the fish thing. I think it was a feeling. It was based on the idea, you know, it's what's inside that counts. Well, it is very difficult, yeah, because you can't get somebody's vibe. I think that's what's difficult.

Like, I think on a date you have to just get in them and kind of smell them and then get out. Like, I think that's the big test. If there was a way to put smell on the apps. Like a sniffagram thing. Yeah, sniffagram. Yeah, but most of it would be so unpleasant mostly. What a horrible afternoon. It's been all the smell swiping because it's disgusting. Have you tried other methods like speed dating and things?

Yeah, me and Amy tried speed dating and that was an absolute disaster. We went to accidentally the slowest speed dating and things. Yeah, me and Amy tried to be dating and that was an absolute disaster. We went to accidentally the slowest to be dating. When do you think? Well, several days with each person. It involved marriage. You had to buy a dog and a house together. Just outside, yeah. Oh no.

How long was it this week? Everyone took amphetamines and then snogged. Sorry Harriet. The first one was 45 minutes. Wow! And then another 45 minutes and then an hour and a half. And as soon as someone sits down, and it was kind of in a group, so it was me and Amy and this other girl, and then two different guys would come and sit down.

And within the first minute, you know if there's a connection or not. And then you have another 44 minutes to make small talk. On the third lot that came, one of them recognised Amy and started doing her material to her, which was literally what we'd said when we were outside. And we were like, OK, just imagine the worst case scenario. It can't be that bad. And then it came towards us. So yeah, yeah, turns out speed dating isn't better.

Well, I know someone who went recently., actually I was telling you guys this, and one guy, I think they were like literally five minutes, and the guy sat down and said what kind of food do you like, what's your favourite colour? I mean absolutely, it was like being on Parkinson's on Fast Forward, I mean it just, yeah the whole thing blasted through. And they never got to speak out to one apart from blasting out one word answer. Yeah. So I think it's all, it's all miserable. It's like celebrity mastermind. Just fast question. Pass. Pass.

That's how you would get your dates, isn't it? Celebrity mastermind. That'd be perfect. I've started till I'll finish. Do you remember there used to be things in magazines, this might be before your time Harriet, that would say things like, I saw you on the escalator at King's Cross and you were wearing a red jumper. There was a thing called lonely hearts. Lonely hearts, I've not been to Robert E. They could have made it a bit more appealing. Literally hot. Yeah. Pathetic, socially inept, losers, column.

Literate stalkers. But how fantastic. I wonder if anyone actually got together from being seen on an escalator. I think I figured out the explanation for the fish thing. Go on. Oh yeah. Oh he's back. You mean you haven't been listening, you've just been thinking about that. I knew I shouldn't have given you a puzzle early on.

He loves a puzzle. He's googled for the last 10 minutes. Yeah. Go on. Men don't think to get photos of themselves taken or to take photos. It's a failing. So they use, they cut the one out from angling times when they got a large chat. Is it from a sad weekend or something? Well, just if they go fishing, I don't know. It's one of the few times where they think, well, now I have a photo of this. My friend's birthday where we're all together. No, that won't occur to me.

But now that I've captured a fish, obviously I want a photo. So you think that actually I caught a big fish photo that's been reused? Yeah, but I think there's a paucity of photos and they're just picking one of their fish photos that's been reused. Yeah, I think there's a paucity of photos and they're just picking one of the seven photos. Because a lot of the pictures, it's like them with their girlfriend and then they've just crossed out the girlfriend's face. Oh, that's so cool.

Do you just see a hand in the background? Like a serial killer. Yeah, like a serial killer. Or I think actually even worse is them clearly on a date with their girlfriend and the girlfriend is taking the picture and they're looking lovingly into the camera and then they're using that loving look to try and get the next relationship and I think that's almost worse. My brother had a massive falling out with his I

think I don't know if she'd become his wife at that point but she caught all the photos in half she then cut all these clothes in half and then said that she had really... Which way? Sort of down the middle. That's worse, because otherwise you have shorts and then that'd be fine. Yeah.

Shorts and crop tops. She then said she really, really hurt her hand trying to cut his shoes in half. I mean, that is rage. It takes so long to do all those things. It's three hours in and you're still angry enough to cut someone's shoes in half. I mean that is rage. It takes so long to do all those things. It's three hours in and you're still angry enough to cut someone's shoes in half. Yeah, but it gives you, the anger gives you energy. I've put ex-boyfriend shoes...

There was divisive experience. Aren't we all there? I've put ex-boyfriend shoes in the bin before. And that was the clunk. Which bin? The council are listening. It was a long time ago. I think she means the Oxfam recycling bin. Sure. No, not back in the day.

I didn't know about Oxfam, Dad, I'm afraid. Straight to the landfill. With everything. So have you met anyone? Because I can't. Have you met anyone? Because I can't... Have you met anyone and you've thought all... Frankly... Sorry, Harry.

But have you thought all nearly? It's not been out there for a while. They nearly qualified. No, no. To be honest, it's not. I think the thing is because I've had a divorce, so I know, like the standards, I can't get into that again. And so I like, it has to be, I need to meet like a soulmate. So I'm not gonna, if it's not quite right,

I know where that leads. So I need, yeah, I'm just waiting until the right person comes along. Can I ask you a question about divorce in general, which has just occurred to me? What happens to the wedding ring when there's a divorce? Do they sell it or...? Well, I actually bought my own wedding ring

because it was quite stressful to be filled up to the wedding, which I think maybe was a sign that we shouldn't have gone through with it. In my case, I've kept it, yeah. Oh, so you've kept it? Yeah, well, I bought it. Yeah, well, fair enough. it. Oh, so you've kept it? Yeah, well I bought it. Fair enough. Would you reuse? This is the age of recycling.

I really loved my engagement ring and I basically sent him a picture of it and was like, this is the ring. My thinking is I still have it and I was like, oh I'll pass it on to our daughter. But then I was also like, maybe if I gave him the money back for it, then I could just wear it as a ring. I think you've earned it. There is a specific company and they specialize in that don't they? Yeah you can re-put them. They remodeling

engagement rings into pieces of jewelry to celebrate your divorce essentially. Like people have wedding dresses turned into dresses. Do they? Yeah. Otherwise, a bit of a waste of money at weddings. The comedian Jim Campbell of the Football Ramble podcast, he had a great routine where he's... Beautiful intro on him. Yeah. Very professional. I feel that we really know what we're dealing with.

He had a great bit about trying to get rid of his engagement ring after that didn't all work out and he said it was impossible to resell because a failed engagement ring is like an ingredient in a curse. Fantastic. And I thought, yeah, you don't want to buy that online. You just think what kind of... He's probably the centerpiece of his ad in Bruchona. Yeah, he's just giving it away. Well, are you aware of

the fact that when Colleen and Wayne Rooney were engaged, that they had a massive row and she took off the engagement ring and threw it into a squirrel sanctuary. Wasn't it worth that though? And apparently it's never been found. Really? Or if anyone's found it they haven't owned it. Or it could have been a squirrel. Yeah there's a squirrel wandering around in a very beautiful ring.

They're not attracted to it. If it had been a magpie sanctuary they would have found it but squirrels are not interested. Paul and Heather also had a terrible row and the engagement ring was thrown out of a hotel room I believe. Oh wow. We're weighing in and cleaning out the squirrel sanctuary because it's not where you'd imagine had a terrible row and the engagement ring was thrown out of a hotel room I believe, yeah. Oh wow. Were Wayne and Colleen at the squirrel sanctuary? Because it's not where you'd imagine they'd go, is it?

They didn't own the squirrel sanctuary. They live there. Do you want to go on a date to the squirrel sanctuary? It was a public place. Wayne got carried there by hundreds of squirrels after they got... She was red. Wayne got carried there by hundreds of squirrels after they got... She was red. Some of them started tapping his head like in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Little scarves. There's a male squirrel on a dating app holding up the ring. Yeah. Well, they could sell it as wine runes. Yeah. Yeah. Novelty. I don't think they've got that commercial nose of those squirrels. No, they're still simple souls.

Basically agrarian society. This episode is brought to you by Adidas. When the frustration grows and the doubts start to creep in, we all need someone who has our back to tell us we'll be okay, to remind us of our ability to believe because their belief in us transfers to self-belief and reminds us of all that we're capable of. We all need someone to make us believe. Hashtag you got this. Is it true, Harriet, that you accidentally killed an owl?

That was a good link, actually. What's wildlife? Yeah, yeah, no, yeah, that is true. Next question. How did you do that? This is like Skinner Kemsley, like Frost Nixon. Yeah, I know. Finally going to nail you. It's always going this deep with you guys.

Yeah. What happened? Yeah, I didn't know. Oh, it was very sad. I was driving. I had a spell of my car would break down a lot because I was very bad at driving when I was a teenager and my dad had had to come and pick me up again from Canterbury and restart the engine and then I was driving back towards where we lived.

Were you on pilgrimage? Yes, yes. It's lovely. Yeah, we've gone down to Canterbury to pay our respects. And then this owl flew in front of my car. It was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. It spread its wings and I drove straight into it. Oh my God.

It's one of the most beautiful things you've ever seen for about two seconds. Maybe half a second. And then I stopped the car because I was hysterical and then my dad was like, Harriet. You're still hysterical Harriet. The Daily Mail have confirmed that. Owl killing skills, Harriet Kinsley. Now it's all, oh Jesus Jesus awful so you stopped the car yes i stopped the car because i was crying and my dad was like what's happened and i was like i

killed an owl and he was like you can't just stop in the middle of the road and so then he was mad about that and then the owl was just at the end of the road and i had to drive past it and like it kind of got moved onto the side after a while but um Foxes I should think I think maybe my dad kind of kicked it oh my god and um they will kill again the count I do think though if you only go out at night like else do you make yourself more expendable yeah Yeah. Because no one's going to miss you. They're the party bird aren't they? They only do nighttime. Yeah. Yeah it's a sad story. Would it kill you to get up in the day? Maybe you wouldn't be subject to it. Well it killed that one to get up in the night.

Did your car look in any way like a big mouse? No I don't think so and but I was vegetarian since I was eight but. so you couldn't eat it They just felt yeah, it felt unfair that you know, I was trying my best not to kill animals And it's it's I mean, it's when they fly in front. It's not your fault. Thank you. Thank you for last someone said it Yeah That closure Many years, I mean if run in front of someone's car, I mean, Queen of Flies. Is this a stranger therapy session you've ever had?

It's not your fault. So I've got a quote now, Harriet Kemsley quote. Oh no. And it says, undoubtedly the voice of her generation. Wow. That's a fantastic review, isn't it? Who said it though? Nigel Farah.

It was an Ed in... That's from the leader of the Reform Party. Nigel Farah. Yeah, the anti-owl. Now I'd be proud of that as a reviewer. Yeah, that is nice. Of course, if I was the voice of my generation, I'd have to speak up quite a bit so they could hear me. No, but that's a brilliant thing to basically.

That is very nice. I mean, look, there's been enough bad ones that you've got to take the good way. I'll say. Do you feel that you represent a whole generation? No. No? No. I mean, in what way? Well, I don't know. People, they must think that your voice is a sort of a general modern

voice. You stand for a general modern voice. You stand for the millennial struggle. Yeah, I definitely stand, yeah, I definitely struggle. But I don't know. Yeah, I don't know really. I mean, I think the amount of eloquence I've had answering this question probably suggests that I'm not. Me just going, yeah, I don't know actually. Just thinking about it. I'm not about it. That sounds like the voice of your generation to me. Yes, be fair, yeah I've done it. In fact I surprised you Anne, I think you'd just be looking at your phone. Oh sorry I'm hogging the question.

That's alright. Emily's very good at interviewing. I'm not. She is. Have you got a dog? Yeah. Oh I didn't know. Perfect. You know Emily's walking the dog. I Oh no. She is. Have you got a dog? Yeah. Oh I didn't know. Perfect. You know Emily's walking the dog. I would love to go on. Yeah, Emily's got a cute dog. Well can you sort it after?

I don't want to do business on air. What kind of dog? Can I ask what dog Harry's got? Oh of course, perhaps a general. Oh okay. What dog have you got Harry? Cabapoo. I've got a cabapoo.

Cabapoo. They're so cute. We'll have to show photos later. They are so cute. Yeah they're so cute. It's just I can't really walk around carrying a camper pooh. How cute, they're so cute. We'll have to show photos later. They are so cute. Yeah, they're so cute. It's just I can't really walk around carrying a teddy bear.

I've had to get a dog that looks a bit like me. Can I ask you a question? Could you knock a nail through a teddy bear's face? What? No. No, I couldn't either. Frank, this is why you make people feel, what a weird thing to do.

No, I just think because we know. Weird. Because we're intelligent, we know on one level that it's not a real creature. I know, but that's a very weird thing to say. We're talking about dating. That used to be one of my tests. No offense, but Pierre could. Pierre could. And have. And will again. He will knock an ale again.

That's how I've insulated my shed. Thousands of bears. Pierre could... Hammered to the wall. I think Pierre could eat ice cream out of its hollowed out face. That's what I think. And will again. It's cold dead hands.

Oh no. Can I ask a question to Harriet about Last One Laughing? Yes. Because I loved that series and I have to say you were so good in it because you got right, is it the final five you're in? Yeah, but I think it's because I didn't speak for the first couple of hours because I didn't know how to speak and not laugh. You are the voice of the generation.

That's why she didn't speak. I was texting Frank. So in the final was Harriet, Bob Mortimer, Richard Iowardi, Rob and Lou. Rob Beckett and Lou Sanders. That's tough competition. I thought Iowardi was one of the hardest to crack. He was, yeah, because he just chased. Can I just say, and I found this a bit surprising, and I love Richard Iowadi, but he was the ideal voice in the Daily Mail's composite man. Was he? Yeah.

Was he? I don't think I'd have gone for that. No disrespect, he has many things. His brain would be good. But yeah, I wouldn't have gone for that. No disrespect, he has many things. His brain would be good. But yeah, I wouldn't have gone for his voice. Also, if he's got Jeremy Clarkson's sense of humor, you can't really do it in that voice, can you? That's true.

I'll send the boats back. It doesn't work. But he was, I thought he was the toughest one to crack. He didn't crack a smile. Richard Iwadi. He's like that in life. For the first time I worked with him, you know when you're filming something and when there's a break in filming, you stand around chatting, the second that filming stopped he took a paperback book out of his pocket and started reading. Oh wow.

He is the voice of his generation though. He is. I know where I'm not wanting to go. Bob Mortimer, he won in the end didn't he? Yeah. How did you not laugh in front of him? It was so hard. I was like, by the end I'm making this very strange noise because I'm swallowing my own

laugh. So it's like I developed an internal laugh where I'd go like, having like a crazy like panic attack or something. But it was so, it was so hard. And but I just, it was when you were one-on-one with people like that was the hardest. We had sweets and stuff that were like sucking and then you're trying to, I had wrote don't laugh on my hand. So that was the thing that I was just checking. Yeah, it was really hard. And Daisy... Paul Merton, can I say, would have walked it. Why, does he never laugh?

He hasn't laughed at another comedian since about 1968. God, he could go on... Can you bet on it? If he's out there, man, I'll put it in my house. I'll be wearing it. They should start a new one for, he could start a new one for first one laughing. Man, he would be like, it would be like last one laughing in brackets, extreme. I'll tell you who else struggled, was lovely Daisy May Cooper. Oh, her face is amazing. Yeah.

Yeah. She just, yeah, she's just going through it. Yeah. She's going through it. I don't know what that means, the voice of the generation talking about. You wouldn't understand it's a generational thing. I'd say what I did like though. They don't pay them though.

I think they should give you money for that. You should get a prize. You didn't get paid for it. No, they get paid. What I mean is, no. It's a bit of a shame. No, it would be a charity. Yeah, you can cross-merting off. You can't do it. It should be, but I thought, oh, what are

you going to get at the end? I thought Jimmy would walk in. So there was no prize. I thought Jimmy would walk in holding a cheque. But then I think it would, then it can go a bit nasty. Somebody tell me that Jimmy dyes his hair. What a weird thing to say suddenly. Just saying, that's what I heard. I know but why would you say that in the middle of the day. I don't like to gossip. I think you do. It's even worse, he actually dyes someone else's hair. Oh god. Sorry carry on Harriet. Wait, but carry on what? There must have been a question.

I love that film. There must have been a question, yeah. It's about the Industrial Revolution. James, what? I'll tell you what was lovely and it made me really want to give you a big hug, but I've got my career to think about. And that was, I saw a clip of you deliberately going on an escalator to see a poster of yourself from last one laughing. And I've stood outside theatres where my picture is up and my name taken and people look at you like yeah yeah but of

course I'm gonna do that. Is it really exciting when you see it? God yes! It was so it's even more embarrassing I think when you have to keep going back and forth to get it. But it was a big one as well it was like Harriet's face absolutely massive. Where was it? It's crazy they um underwater loo and they put up all of our individual on their kind of tunnel, all of our faces individually on that like travelator kind of thing and so um, yeah my agent Steph, she was so sweet, she was like we have to go and get a picture and then I'm just kind of like, like just going past it. That's great. That show, that show made you, that definitely sort of like made you more famous didn't it, that show. Do you like being famous?

Yeah, I don't know if it's like, I can very much walk down the street and it's not affecting my day-to-day life. Sometimes people yell ping-pong. But I'm up for that't actually have a party trick. It was pretending. I've never actually tried. Let's just say we don't know if I can or I can't. No. But when that money comes in from the National Lottery, you might as well find out. So it looked like Harriet was firing ping-pong from below the bed.

But as I understand it was trickery, camera trickery. Trickery. Is that fair? That's fair, yeah. Can I say on the subject of odd, I hope you don't mind me saying this, but I looked up Harriet Kemsley because I thought, you know, there might be something I don't know and it was everything. Now I looked it up and it said when they put Harriet Kemsley you know it has things like posburns and people have that. So I clicked on it. That's awful. What is wrong with Harriet Kent? No, I clicked on it so I knew what not to mention. What does it say? It says, so it says, what disabilities has Harriet Kamse? Click, she has dyspraxia and is a vegan.

That is not a disability. Thoughts and prayers. Thoughts and prayers. Are you still a vegan? Yeah. Yeah. Good on you. You've got some amazing allergies.

Yeah. Well, that's a bit personal. Yeah. That's a strange night of the speed dating event. When someone asks you that, you've got some amazing allergies. It blows my mind. Yeah. Well, I'm vegan, but I'm allergic to most raw fruit and raw vegetables and nuts. Really? Grass and horses and... Just life on hard mode. Vegans can only eat fruits and vegetables and nuts. No. But also the grass is problematic with the dog walks.

I know, yeah. And I think my daughter's got the grass allergy as well, which is really gutting. Because her dad has a really good immune system because he just ate loads of dirt as a child. I think so. So we were hoping to it. So if there's any parents listening, feed your child on soil. Not really. The grass.

I said not really. So does that mean you can't walk on grass? Yeah, I just get hives. You know, you just. Frank, that's a big one, isn't it? Oh no, that's awful. Did you get a reaction to, I'm allergic to grass as well, but I think less allergic. I'll stop trying to copy.

When you played sport on grass, was it? It happens when you're a voice regeneration. I would say the voice of your generation wouldn't like vegetables or fruit. They're just like McDonald's. We don't want to mock your allergies though. Thank you. Thank you. That's awful. No, we don't want to mock your allergies though. Thank you, thank you. That's awful. I've got cat allergies.

Have you got cat allergy? Cat allergy. And I didn't get it until I was about 45 and then it emerged. So anyone who's sitting at home smog, allergies can creep up as you're near the grave. When you were young, you should have just eaten more cats and then then that would have given you the sort of immune system you need. Yes, when you were young. Strange. You should have eaten more cats. You know you should.

You see, I don't have any allergies, but I lie and say I'm allergic to something because I loathe it so much when I'm in restaurants. And you know what that is, Frank. We won't even go. Yes, yes. So that's the session. Onions. It's the chives.

I despise onions. That's good because otherwise they'll just sneak them in. Yeah, I know what these people are like. And that's such a core ingredient. That's a hard one because that's the basis of most things. Alright, rubbish. I finally found someone that has it harder than me so yeah, I'm going to bully you. So this, can I repeat again that the podcast is called Single Ladies in Your Area, which

is an advert that occasionally comes up on my West Bromwich Albion football app. Yes. Oh God. Yeah. And they're normally, they're in my area, but they've come from Eastern Europe. Yes. They've traveled just to be in your area. Yeah, which is good of them, but I didn't ask. Anyway, so yeah, and it's you and Amy Gladhill, is it on now? Can we sort of listen to it now?

Yeah, there's a very good one about holiday romances. Oh yeah, that was a recent, yeah, we both went to Australia. It turns out we can't pull in the UK, we have to leave for the UK. I don't know what it is. Well, I don't know if a comedian has ever been to Australia without having a relationship with one of the locals. So it's a pretty guaranteed thing. Have you ever had a holiday romance? Yeah, I met a woman in Eastbourne. A holiday romance?

Yeah, I was on holiday. And I took her back to the West Midlands and I walked along the canal. There was this fabulous industrial landscape, factory after factory. And I never heard from her again. She was the one, this is how tragic it was. It's just from an age, Harriet, I say as the voice of my generation. We used to write letters to each other. And she said, I'll drop you a line. And I actually lifted up the fitted carpet in the room to see if it could have possibly gone under the carpet. But she didn't.

So heartbreaking. It was. It could have got lost. That's the same as saying the end of the world. Is it going to be one of those, you know, in the newspaper when something turns up that was posted in 1925. After a holiday like that, the least she could have done is get in touch. Well, she was the same age as me, so I wouldn't want to be going out with her now.

Anyway. I do apologise, Harriet be going out with her now. Anyway. I do apologise, Harriet. We're talking about dating. Extraordinary. What is your absolute no-go? I used to have these flash frames where I'd be seeing someone and think they're really nice. Like a woman said she described a popular non-fiction book, Fever Pitch, I don't know if you know that so far.

She described it as a novel and immediately I remember thinking there's no future in it. And I went on a date with a guy once and he said, yeah, I love your sister, she's really zany. I said, do you mean zany? It didn't get to date. Anyone who said Zany. Anyone who said Zany would be enough for me. So have you got anything?

Yeah, if they were to say, oh yeah, I'm thinking of getting into stand-up comedy. That would be a big, can you imagine having to go to open mic nights with somebody like that is? Oh God. But people do go out with other comedians, don't they? But I think if you've been through that, but can you imagine going through all that again? I've never been out with a comedian. I couldn't live with us having an argument and something funny being said

and us both stopping the argument and saying, so well done, who's this that? Oh man, I couldn't live with that. I nearly, the woman I went on to marry, I nearly finished with in the third week of our relationship because she didn't know George Galloway was. Such a weird reason. You can't even have standards. Happiest woman in the world. Yeah, imagine, she's just blissfully going about her life,

not knowing why. And then you go and judge her. Yeah, I'm surprised she didn't break up with you for telling her. Oh, we felt she'd gone out with George Galway. That would have been such a great end into that anecdote but now it just drifts away instead. Harriet, it's been really lovely having you on. Thanks for having me. This has been so nice. I can't imagine anyone being in a room with you and not laughing for any period of time. And as I say the podcast is called Single Ladies In Your Area it's with Amy Gledhill as well so it's it's a bit of a it's a was

it called double threat is that what they call it when there's two very good things together. Okay so listen to that listen listen to Amy. Thank you so much for coming on. Lock up your L's, everyone. Kemsley's in town. It's Frank of the Radio, Frank of the Radio, Frank of the Radio. It's the Frank Skinner podcast, don't you know? Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via frankofftheradioatavalonuk.com.