The Frank Skinner Show - Horrible Treasure Hunt

Episode Date: October 10, 2025

Frank has realised he's mislaid something on the way to Spiritland... There's also more gibberish t-shirts, grabber machine intel and Pierre's done a gig in Estonia. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When you're with Amex Platinum, you get access to exclusive dining experiences and an annual travel credit. So the best tapas in town might be in a new town altogether. That's the powerful backing of Amex. Terms and conditions apply. Learn more at Amex.ca. www.ca.com. Rumor has it, new NHL hockey cards have arrived at Tim's,

and every pack tells a story, with rare finds, fan favorites, and exclusive prizes. Ready to score big? Start collecting today, only at Tim's. I participate in restaurants in Canada for a limited time. It's Frank off the radio, featuring him and that posh radio, and the one with the French name

who from South Africa came, Hello me in open brackets array Close brackets today Hello How are you Have you been all right All those lonely Lonely lonely lonely lonely

night I don't know what that song is But I'm pretty confident I haven't made it up I don't sound familiar I think it exists It's a threatening voicemail Yeah

This is Frank off the radio I'm joined by Emily Dean and Pierre Navelli, follow the podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via Frank Offeradio, Avalon, UK.com, and you know how it is with WhatsApp. You can WhatsApp us on 47457-4-169. Who says 417? That sounds like a child. It's like you? I like it.

Isn't it me saying it? Is it? With a sort of slight robot effect on it. I've just remembered I was supposed to post some shit this morning and I haven't posted it, which is unsettling. What do you mean? Like on social media? No, you're not on social media.

No, I literally was supposed to post some shit. I have my biannual bell counter. Oh, my actual God. And I did all the work on it with the probe. Oh, yeah? Yeah, you have to, you know. That works? It's just work to do.

You know, you have to... Oh, I've done it. Yeah. But you don't do the whole Hulk with the colonoscopy, you see? No, I don't do that, but I'm surprised you. I didn't think girls could catch with their left hand. Oh, my God.

Anyway, yeah, so I did it all. I had the envelope in my hand when I left... I don't want to know about that. Well, I put it somewhere. This is... What if it's in the car? Do we need to tell the... I didn't come by car.

We have to call the British Transport Police Yeah, exactly Someone can get your poo in a bag See it Say it Sorted Well, it's in a little like cardboard If you smell something that doesn't smell life See it, say it's sorted No, it's all sealed in obviously

Don't get me wrong That'll be worth of you Bob, Frank Skinner's poo poo You don't smear it across a Basildum Bond sheet I'll just put it in an envelope Oh, well now you tell me You didn't include any sort of wires or ticking things. Who knows what I included? I mean, that's for them to tell me.

Fine. I went to what? Can I tell you something? I went to my GP. It's a horrible treasure hunt you've set up across London for the listeners. It's like that book, Marseigneur's shit. Exactly. Oh, no.

And I, um, I went to the GPs and I said, I got down there and they'd given me two sample things instead of one. So I'd used the, I'd done one of them. When I got to the GPs, I said, here's the thing and I'd bought the empty one. and so I went back and got the other one I found it this time when I came back they said well the thing is we do need two

that's why we gave you two I said oh I thought you'd accidentally gave her me two she said you don't have you couldn't do a bit more could you I said you haven't got any on you I said I don't leave the house

when it's ongoing do you know what I mean what do you mean can I do any more no I can't do it any more. I said, split that one. I always put in, I always put in, you know, one for the pot.

Well, otherwise you have to get off it. Sharing platter. Yeah, it's, oh man. Anyway, I don't have to do it. I'll have to go back and get another container. You have to redo the whole thing. Can we put something up and say, is anyone found? I could do it discreetly.

Hopefully, I left it in the house. The dog's probably just licking its lips. at the end of it now lovely little aperitif I ought to phone my wife and say

Have you seen my shit exactly I've lost Can you find up so Frank's lost this shit oh man be a good

terrible data film through the keyhole or something an envelope of poo yeah who could live here there's a lot

of through the keyhole is the diureate version oh don't Frank that's Now, this has gone very, very graphic. I'm sorry, it just occurred to me.

I didn't come thinking I must talk about my excrement on the podcast. But to whoever comes across it on the Northern Line, may God have mercy on yourself. One would hope, you know, it's got the name of some sort of clinic on it. Oh, yeah. So hopefully they'll post it. It could find its way there, a good Samaritan. It could find it

It'll be one of those things That's an update to the Good Samaritan story It'd be the first time That's sending shit through the post It's been a good deed Yeah exactly Ever Maybe or just

Someone will just put it through the local Sex Offender's letter box Just out of habit I am I don't know what To do with myself I don't know where it goes What poo poo?

Yeah I don't I don't know where the clinic is or anything like that. Oh, I don't think you should get involved with the clinic. Would it be one of those? You know those things you get on, like the BBC website or something, where someone posted a postcard in 1933 and it's just arrived. Would it be like that? My ship will be open by someone in a space suit sometime in the future.

We've caught up with his grandson to see what, if you can remember anything about this. That would be a good who do you think you are. You'd need the gloves for that one, wouldn't you? Who do you think you are? Anyway, we should stop talking of this. I don't want this to be seen as the shit special. Yeah. Yeah, have we, has there been any contact?

Well, yes. The NHS have said, where? Talking of the NHS, you may remember I was telling you about my colonoscopy last week. Do I? And I also mentioned to you that I had. had a cab driver, Frank, who had this curious habit of naming all the artists. Do you remember this before the song? Oh, yeah, Robert Marley. Yeah, he said, oh, Robert.

Do you remember that cab driver who I got in the back and someone had left their phone? If only I had him this morning. How much would he charge me for bringing my excrement back? Oh. Okay. Sorry, carry on. Yeah, you remember. Robert Marley, and then we mentioned, I think you had said at one point,

we were, you know, what was he going to call Stevie Wonder, Stephen, et cetera, et cetera. We've had a number of people getting in touch regarding the concept of Stephen Wonder, putting us straight on this, for example, 828 and 770, and I didn't know this, Frank. I don't know if you did, Stevie Wonder was not Stephen. He was actually born at Steve Land. Steve Land. Yeah. Well, he was a theme part.

Steve Land. Theme part with builders of mechanics themed drive rides. Steve Land Hardaway Morris. So if the tax... Hardway was his middle. Yeah, Hardaway. So if the taxi singer,

he actually would have been wrong if he'd called him Stephen. A number of people, you know, they like these facts, are... And I enjoy hearing them. Of course, when I first came across him, He was officially entitled Little Stevie Wonder. Oh, was he?

As if there was another Stevie Wonder, it was a bit bigger. You could go and see. Was he little? He was very young. He was a prodigy. Oh, I didn't know. I didn't know. He was involved with them.

No, he'd have been rubbish. He was no fire starter. I'm a firester. Why did we get him? Why did we get that keyboard? But, you know, Steve Land. Why didn't we get Steve Land? Godware store, Jackson, whatever he's called.

It's quite odd, isn't it, calling your child? You're right. It is a theme park vibe to it, Steve Land is, maybe that's a name that's common that we don't know about it. Steveland, do you think they'd do a bit of that? Maybe. Steveland, Wonder, when he was in trouble? Yeah, maybe.

He wasn't called Wonder, though, was it? No, yeah, Morris. We should have guessed Wander might have been the stage. Okay, good to know, though. guys. Sorry, Pierre. Well, we heard from, too many to count because we were talking about

a little dog's cock and a pickled onion thing. Oh God, that's been a wrong, that's ongoing, isn't it? Yeah. Can we explain if you're new to the show that if you haven't already left during the shit passage,

if I may call it that? That it was the saying, I can't remember which part of the contrary it was. And people say, what's for dinner? And somebody would say, cock, a dog's cock and a pickled onion. That was from someone in the black country, I think.

A few people around the place, though, coming in with similar stuff. I mean, we've had high double figures, numbers of people all saying, yes, that, all variations on, you'd ask your mum what's for dinner, and then she would say, shit with sugar on, shit with egg on. Which I don't think sounds as appealing

or as funny, as with sugar on. No. Of course, tonight, it might be arriving by Deliveroo. Deliver poo. Oh, God, it's endless. Stop it. Absolutely stop it.

That's what I didn't do today, was Deliverpool. Yeah. Bank. Now, you should have, what have they offered that service? Shit with sugar on, I do remember now. Yeah. Yeah, that sparked a minute. I think my grand might have said something along those lines.

But, yeah, I mean, we've heard every... My parents always just said the canopies from the night before. Yeah. We didn't have... We didn't know what canopays were. I know I think we lived under one for a while. But no, we never had a party at home, nor did we ever go to a party.

What we didn't do in our family was party. That's interesting, because you told me that once. You never had a dinner party? Never. Yeah. No. It would have been awkward because we had dinner at 5 o'clock. Well, we had dinner at lunchtime, we called it dinner.

Then we ate at 5 o'clock, and then we had sandwiches at half, 10, before we went to bed. When do the guests come in that situation? Half-10 sandwiches like trick-or-treaters. I might like it, people turning up with a bottle of Shabbly at 5pm. Yeah, well, the old man would have been all right with that. No, because he didn't drink in the house so much? Oh, he did drink.

He discovered home brew. But he waited for home brew to mature the way traditionally men are in the waiting room waiting for the child to be born, pacing up and down. his hands behind his back chain smoking looking at the alcohol content and when we drank it always tastes profoundly of yeast

and you could really taste the ingredients like Horlecks beer it worked now me and him both once watched a film on the telly in the afternoon and drank home brew and we ended up sobbing with emotion at the film which is fine but the film was 633 squadron

That is the most depressing afternoon I've ever heard in my whole life. It's the most wrong anecdote you've ever heard in your life. Weeping at the Battle of Britain with your home brew. Come along, Nigel. 633 squadrons on. We were so proud. We wept.

That was the theme tune guys in case you know. Sorry, Pierre. Well, just in general, that was just, That covers a good, you know, Lord knows how many emails just with sugar on. That's the nearest equivalent. Oh, so that is, that's the common denominator. Basically, yeah. Maybe one or two variations on the size of the dog's genitals or the pickled object involved,

but mainly it's sugar. So the one I knew was more graphic and I'm loath to say it, as I said. Oh, God. He carers vagina and a lot of his ain't. Is there any body part you haven't mentioned? No, well, you know, stick around. Do you know, we discuss grabbers quite a lot, the fairground claw. Oh, I thought you meant, as in...

Celebrity gossip. Another chef. Or another regular journalist story, that Dr. Groper, you know that? Yeah, yeah. You do get there. anymore anymore. They've finally learnt their lesson. Thank you, those of Pushwoke. But we discuss the claw in the fairground quite regularly on this show. And our readers seem to be fans of discussing the claw as well.

For example, Paul from Jersey, long-time listener, in the theme of different times, the fairground slash amusement arcade grabber of the 1970s, much loved by young children amongst the soft toys, would be a random packet of 20 Benson and Hedges cigarettes. That sounds right. And just to make it even more alluring to the children playing, there was often a £20 note wrapped around the outside with an elastic band. Wow.

I vaguely remember this. I've seen a few with what's surely, I always thought was fake money wrapped around it. No, they put the money to tempt you. It's so cruel. There used to be. I think people have forgotten this. now, but cigarette machines

in the street cigarette machines. I remember my dad going like half one in the morning, so I'm going to go down to the Fag Machine. This was a local club, I should say. No, it was. Those cigarette machines persisted

on the Isle of Man well into my teenage years. It's incredible that people didn't break into them. They were full of cigarettes. They were built like military pillboxes. They had a sort of It's sort of a barred window. Yes, they did. You'd have to have, still, I sawed through my crutlock.

Yeah. Is there anything possible? And also, Hazel Grove, Ogie, I'm sorry, who is from Hazel Grove in Stockport. Okay. He adds, it's because they're fitted with a compensator unit. That's the reason why. You know, we were talking about how they have a grab.

They never seem to grab anything, basically. you never win with them. And I didn't know there's an actual thing called a compensator unit fitted which determines how often the machine will let you win. The compensator, but I like they've given it

a nice euphemistic name. I thought it was completely random. No, the compensator can be set so the machine only pays out at certain intervals. Who is it compensating? For instance, every 50 games. But then presumably you could set it

So it pays out every 2,000 games. I mean, it's ridiculous. This whole thing is absurd. Every 50. Let's say, I don't know what it would be, a pound a go. Yeah. So you're basically charging 50 quid

for a half-filled squirrel doll. And you don't even get 20 bents and hedges with a fibre strap round it. Well, Oggy actually continues. This would mean that when playing the machine, if it has paid out recently, it's unlikely that you would win Even if you're the most skillful at maneuvering the mechanical arm.

Are you skillful at moving? It sounds like skill is irrelevant. Yeah. Are you skillful at maneuvering the mechanical? Well, I've never, ever won on the claw. So, you know, make of that what you will. It sounds like one-arm bandits. My grand was a big fan of those,

and she would have the strategy of if one pays out, there's no point playing it, if it's won recently. People would sit and watch them, and if they pay out, and you go skip that one. She knew of the comments. Compensator. She's not a sound of it. The compensator.

Again, my wrestling name. That's a great name. Feared and respected the compensator. Do you like gambling, Frank? No, I ate gambling. Do you? Never ever took to it. And I've been like, you know,

I've stood up in Vegas and played the slots for hours and done that. But then the next day I didn't play them at all. I've never felt the urge. I've had other urges for things. But gambling, no. No. And now, of course, I don't need it. No, this is true.

No, I don't know where the thrill comes from. I get my thrill from doing this. Oh. All right? Norm MacDonald said he was addicted to the moment just before you could see what the dice outcome was. No, I can see that. Actually, I was in a room where he played poker

and I was the only one who wasn't playing. Norm MacDonald was a Canadian stand-up. Stand-up was brilliant. And I remember there was a woman, there was me and a woman, and we weren't playing, there was like eight, nine comedians play. And he kept saying to this woman, so you're going for a kind of sort of Catholic schoolgirl, look? Is that what your look is?

And he kept on about what her look was. Nowadays it would have been seen us. Anyway, there were different times. It was light. Yeah. We've heard some more stuff about mad t-shirt slogans. Jibberish t-shirts. This is from Phil.

Oh, I've got one, actually. Oh, yeah. I noted one the other day, but let's hear this first. So Phil says, hi, men and Emily. I quite like that. That's quite good. Men and Emily sounds like someone who plays for Liverpool in midfield. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like Laslo men and denizens. It also sounds like a 90 sitcom. It's Men and Emily. It could be Lorry Men and Emily, the one who said I think it sounds like a foreign prime minister Yeah The PM and anemily

Bought these in Japan many years ago Due to the meaningless writing Worn many times And no one has ever commented on them Which is a shame So very happy to share with you Love to all Phil So this

The first t-shirt is a sort of You know the big Jack Daniels label That's often all over the tube Very much a copy of that But instead of being Jack Daniels related It just says Dauntless flow of the age

great number one brand heightened truckston of strong convictions bold and daring advance toward your dream and then in tiny writing correspond to all change always flexibly

if it has hung on to one that's exactly all I wrote on my shirt this point oh Frank please I think you could write something along those lines in shit and it would be grounds for it I probably will when I'm in prison

in the future. The other. The other t-shirt is Ability to the Will, which is nice. M-R-K, unclear. Getting out to the island full of dreams. Energy and the drive. Is this all on one t-shirt? Yeah.

Oh, there it is. The island wasn't full of dreams when Frank went there, was it? Oh, dear. What was that? His island. Oh, yeah. No, just cigarettes.

I'll go back one day when I've, gone through the witness protection. You'll go back with the big Groucho Marx sort of nose and glasses and eyebrows. Yeah, and they still don't get a laugh. You said you had a t-shirt or something. Yeah, I saw a lady. You know, when you met notes on your phone,

you think of a way. So her t-shirt, this didn't look like a foreign translation thing. It looked like she'd gone for this. It said, creator of my own lock. Oh, no. Okay. And I thought... Noel Edmund.

It's not... But it's not... It's not the t-shirt. You want to get run over it. And you're on a... You're in traction in a hospital. You don't want to be cut out of that on a hospital. Creator of my own luck.

Having a nurse looming over you saying, well then whose fault is this? Yeah, exactly. You didn't create... You created bad luck. Why didn't you do that? That's true. The t-shirt is ambiguous.

Yeah. We were talking about. talking today about before the show about Noel Edmunds, who, what is the name of the process? Manifesting. He manifests. Yeah. And in other words, he writes down, he said he writes down a list of what he wants to happen. Hang on, didn't he have Orbs knocking about as well, or is that something else?

Orbs. Yeah. He's into orbs. He might have been an orbsman. Yeah, he's an obsman. Anyway, go on. My argument was, so you write it down and then you get it. That's the idea. And I said, you don't even get that with a carder. does he get substitutions

like does he ask for you know I want a house strictly come dancing and he gets off for the job on Radio Derwent what do you think yeah it's sort of like when you make a wish with a genie

in a sort of ex-files sort of way not X-Files what am I thinking of the Aladdin yeah the one way it always comes back to haunt you oh my lord my brain is completely blanking

the series where the guy introduces like, behold a terrible tale. Oh, the outer limits, one of those. Yeah, one of those where it's like a terrible twist to become backfires. You wish you'll live forever, but then you live forever on your own. Oh, yeah, yeah, those kind of...

Yeah. Yeah, like your... That sounds ideal. Where's the bad thing? And the twist is? No silly people to ruin your life. Twilight Zone. Yeah, whenever they have to live forever, they still age and get ill.

Oh, yeah. Oh, I wouldn't want that then. No, I'm out. Well, they always say, I wish I had time to read my books and then the apocalypse happens and now you have all the time in the world and all that. Well, they had an immortal woman on,

Graham Norton. It's a Doctor Who character. Not a Graham Norton. But she'd also been on Russell Hardy and what's my life? Noel Edmunds manifested her. I thought, do you remember that old? There was an old TV show in America that Grochow Marks used to host.

And what was it called now? It was something... Was it like What's My Line Type? It was that kind of thing. So you went on it. And this guy went on. This is old. It was an old black and white.

And they had this guy on. And maybe it was before Grot Show Marks even hosted it. So this guy, his claim to fame, was he'd been at the theatre. when Lincoln was shot. I mean that. That is really something. Sorry to laugh. Any relatives of Babaham Lincoln listening.

I do apologise, but that is the funniest thing I've ever. Is that what he was called as a child, Baberham. Yeah, Baberham Lincoln. No, that's what he was called in Mike Myers' film. We can't remember anything today. I know. You've been drinking out of my glass.

Yeah, why can't we remember things? You'll check for a carbon monoxide leak in spirit. Me and Kat have been considering whether we are... Why don't forget things? We've been justifying our ageing by thinking there's a carbon monoxide drink at home. Certainly stinks in your home at the moment. But where does carbon monoxide come from in your home? The gas.

Oh, does it? We don't have gas. Well, that's one excuse out It's worth getting some gas installed Could it come from the electric? There's so much electricity in here, I can't sink Electricery as catweez I used to call him Why, electricity!

No, I found discovered recently that I, when I was born, Charles de Gaulle was still alive that did make me feel quite old, Mike. Well, I was born... Well, let's not go back to you. Twelve years after that. The Hitler died. Sorry.

So if you're wondering where that spirit went. There's a 12-year delay. Yeah. You know the idea of Jim Morrison, that he was, you know, Jim Morrison, the singer with the dors,

is that they were in the street, his family, in the car, and they saw an old Native American guy dying. And when he died, her contractions, Jim Morrison's mom's contraction started and Jim Morrison was born. So he always thought he was this old Native American spirit. Oh, like reincarnated.

Yeah, all that stuff. There's something like that with the Inuit. I remember a friend of mine did anthropology and so he was full of these kind of facts. And you can, if someone passes away. I'm not suggesting that Jim Morrison story would qualify as a fact. No, no, well, the fact is he thought it. Yeah. Yeah. And then in these Inuit groups, there's a belief that everyone is a reincarnation of a relative.

Oh, I'm not. They have some method of knowing it. So they go, well, and you have to talk to your own baby as if they are the older relative you remember. So do you know which relative it is? Yeah, they have some method of determining like, oh, the baby in your stomach is, it's going to be, it's going to be, you know, great aunt so and so. And you have to address them as, you know, great aunt so and so, even when they're a little kid. That's fantastic. Yeah. I did a panel show on Radio 4 about this called Just an Inuit.

Oh, my God. Well, we had to talk about reincarnation for a minute without any hesitation. Thanks. Not Arctic Circle, anthropological facts. Can't cross it over. I'm sorry for that, but he was born 12 years off to Hitler. Yeah, exactly. I mean, it could have been worse.

That's your new excuse instead of gas leaks. I was won 12 years after Hitler died. Just keep saying that. Maybe he was a ghastly. We thought he set fire on purpose, but in fact, he was just having a cigarette and the whole lot went up. Badly designed bunker.

I've heard that he banned smoking in the bunker and that when the guy came out and said the funeral is dead, everybody immediately lit up. Oh, really? I'm always than one. Oh, thank God. And started smoking. Fancy smoking, was he? Oh, big time.

Yeah. Okay. Love dogs, so? Well, unless it was a, you know, foreign city. Yes. Then pro. Yeah. Well, speaking of the Arctic Circle...

It was a bad character. Yeah, I think we can agree on that as an official position. And he should have let that dog live. I wouldn't... I mean, that's not the biggest cry. It is weird to kill the dog as though the dogs are going to testify to the Soviets against you or something. Many years ago, I read the first seven or eight chapters of Alan

Bullocks a study in tyranny which was about Hitler it was a bit of a hatchet job I'd be honest with it why did he kill the dog Frank it's weird actually I perhaps he thought that if the

Russians arrived they did terrible things to his dog while he was alive oh okay maybe well I guess it would become like Stalin's pet that's the sort of thing he'd do

how would they know it was Hitler's dog I want to know if he released it would just have a lot of medals and things sort of... No, I don't think that medals. Everyone knew Blondie. Yeah, celebrity dog. Yeah.

They'd have had photos. Blondie was like Red Rom, Frank. Actual celebrity. I did a... I must have told you this. I did a corporate gig with Red Rom. Did you? It was me and him.

Did you do like one line each, that kind of thing, share the talking? Well, in case you don't know... What was it? What's my line? Red Rom was a very famous race horse and also the first horse that Lee Mack ever rode. Incredibly.

He was a stable. Oh, yeah. Ginger. That's it. Yes. I can't remember. But the famous sort of trainer. Yeah, very famous trainer.

Yeah. But the guy said to me, right, so Red Rum will come out. We've put carpet down. Red Rom's going to come out. It was something like the double guys in Salisman of the Year Awards. That's a bit risky with a horse around. Let's see how tough it really is. Well, yeah, kick people.

people to death, but he couldn't hear it. So he came out and people had their photos up with red rum, obviously, which was brilliant. And then he said to me, I'm planning on doing like 20 minutes. He said, you needn't do any stand up. He said, you can just do what red rum. Didn't why the carpets down. So just stand there, people really just want a photo, you know.

Just do what red. I said, no, I want to do the stand-up. I think I needed to separate myself from Red Rob, it's not like. I need to accept the things I could do that it couldn't do. It's the fact that he said, just do what Red Rom did. Exactly. So I didn't have a little dance for. And I wish I'd kept it, looking back.

Oh, dear. I remember I started off saying, you know, but is it Red Rom? How do we know that? And they didn't like the Red Rom people didn't see the comedy in it at all. Nothing worse than. corporates where they can't take a joke about the context or... Exactly. But anyway, dead now, Red Rom.

Is it stuffed, Red Rom? One imagines it might be. Lazzania, I think. I don't know. I thought we could stuff it with sweets and it could be at my Mexican theme party. How rich? That's what the salt and a brew night would do that. Wouldn't he get Red Rob stuffed off with sweets and you've got to smash it at his party?

No, ladies and gentlemen. Rihanna. That would be like the party at the Salton of Brune Ice House. Children in Golden Button Blades. Oh yeah. Oh man. Oh dear.

What else? Speaking of gigging abroad, I did a very unusual... Well, I think it's an unusual gig. I thought that was a euphemism for a minute from 1950s America. I was gigging abroad the other night.

Boy, we'll see you, babe. Did they say babe back then? I don't know, but I saw... Doll, yeah. I saw an American comic, Milton Burl, have you heard of it, and it's a very famous. I saw him live in Montreal, the festival. Big sort of Father Christmas almost looking guy,

big guy with a beard? No. No? Not him. He never had a beard. He was famous for having the biggest penis in show business. And he actually got it out in the foyer of the Delta Hotel, and showed it to some journalists.

He was a pretty unpleasant man in lots of ways. What? He came out. I like in lots of ways. He came out on the first. He took fact checking very seriously. He walked out to open the show he was hosting it. And he said he started, bear in mind this would have been, what, 97, 1997.

So not like, you know, I wasn't working with him in the 50s. And he said, I don't. I think he had Hitler with him then, and then when he died. He came on and said, well, we've got a really hip crowd in tonight. Look at the hips on that broad. That was his whole life? In 1997. So it was just before or after getting his penis out?

Oh, this was. Oh, that's a good question. I think it was either the day before the day after. My Milton Burle chronology is all over the place. You've got to get the order of those things right. It's all in de breads, isn't it? Where did you go? Yeah.

Well, there is a man called Andrus and Tim and his business partner go to the fringe every year from Estonia and scout shows they want to bring to Tallinn. Oh. The capital of Estonia. Please tell me it's called Estonia's got Tallinn. Yeah.

I think it's the equally pleasantly named Comedy Cluby. Oh, good. Which is nice. That's good. It's a very, very nice town, Tallinn. Beautiful old town, like 14th century. castle even earlier and then they've got that they've achieved what i thought was impossible which was to go from cobbled streets and ancient sort of knights tempter not knights templar the other one sort of

these gothic german buildings and fortresses straight seamlessly into massive warehouses that hipsters have turned into cocktail bars and comedy clubs oh wow that's in estonia yeah yeah yeah they've tried to get more like uh uk comedy over there and start their own comedy scene and they've only got like five professional comedians. Oh, really? That's what comedy was like here, weren't I? Yeah. We worked out there was about 35 comedians making a living from it on our circuit.

Not counting like, you know, two blocks went into a pub, not those blokes. But on the so-called alternative circuit. Now there's about 3,500. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I don't even know where Estonia is. I know it's Eastern Europe. Right next to Russia. Okay.

Right next to Russia, unfortunately. Oh, well, so a gig there. well, you can. I did think, if they invade while I'm here, will I be able to go home or will I have to sort of join a sort of resistance program? What's the cuisine like? It is a mixture of the history of Estonia,

so it's a bit Swedish, it's a bit Slavic, it's a bit German. I hope you like pickles and sausages and fish. Chip with egg on it. Oh, yes. Is it a sort of a Weimar cabaret feel? So is the stand-up going on and there's like a Russian salt,

Two Russian soldiers on a table at the bat, everyone was scared of. Kate Blanchette smoking a cigarette, looking concerned. It was interesting because even though it was an English language gig and the Estonian comics who were on were gigging in English, the audience of, it was maybe so of 100, 110 people, but there were only two non-Estonians there. And the non-estonians were Brazilian and French. So there was no one from the UK there at all, but they were all listening to this gig in their third language. Wow. And it was, can you again in laughs?

It were. A couple of references, they don't know who, they don't know who Fagan is. I have a joke where you sort of need to know who Fagan is. Yeah. But it was fun backstage to say to Alexander Popov. Shout out to Alexander Popov, the Russo-Estanian comedian. I said to him, is Fagin a reference you understand? He went, well, I do, but people here will not. Okay.

All right, Pop-op. Yeah, well, red man. So when I did Copenhagen, if you remember two women in a bar, I talked to them about all my references and they said, that'll be fine, that'll be fine. They all died the next night. Oh, no, fine. This is the thing.

I was very grateful for Mr Popov because he was able to say, no, I know what you mean, but I can categorically tell you not to say Fagan as a reference. So I went with Scarecrow. That's a closest like again. I like your, I've always been very grateful

to Mr. Popov. Yeah, exactly. He's backed many of my more eccentric project. That's great. Now, what a life experience. Really great. You should get yourself over there, Frank. I see you in that world.

I think after the island man, I'm not crossing water to be funny. Eurostar? And then a brief five-day train journey. Oh, I like the sound of that. I like the sound of those are east. I was on a train with Lee Mack in, I think. Oh, yes, because Lee won't fly.

Maybe it was hungry or something. It was. We went to the toilet. There was a big hole in the floor of the toilet, like a massive hole. You could just, the tracks going by underneath. It was, I mean, you had to choose which hole you went for. You started with poo.

Started with shit and I've ended with it. That's my career summed up. In your end is your beginning. By the way, on the next episode, we've got a guest. Yes. We've got Ebes Burnow. Now, I know you're all thinking at home, you've got, but you'll see.

A lot more interesting than you might possibly think. I'll explain. I'm going to say he's in the film industry, and he's American. I'll say that much. Tune in, turn on. That's what they used to say. I can't remember on what. It was...

LSD. 60s LSD. It was very Timothy Leary. Turn on, tune in and drop out. Is that what it was? Don't drop out. That's a bad idea. No, not in these trousers.

No. Also, a university is so expensive now and you pay for it yourself. It's just not worth it. You pay for it yourself, you say. Bloody hell. It's terrible news. Poor children. Anyway, we end.

It's Frank off the radio. Frank off the radio. Frank off the radio. It's the Frankskinner podcast, don't you know? Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via Frank Off the Radio at avalonuK.com.