The Frank Skinner Show - How Much For A Belt?

Episode Date: November 14, 2025

Frank has been clothes shopping and Frank he's been baffled by shop assistants. There's also James Bond chat, theatre irons and a query about how long a toga should be. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It's Frank off the radio featuring him and that posh ladyo And the one with the French name Who from South Africa came They're all here open brackets array Close brackets today I have dreamed that your arms are lovely Oh dear, don't tell me about it Um, this is, who dreams about people's arms?

Yeah, a cannibal. Maybe it's a woman singing about an arms dealer, she's really obsessive. Thus is the standard of her passion and love that she's able to overlook the moral dubiousness in this profession. Or a dictator, just some Gaddafi singing that. If his arms are lovely, you know, if the exorcets have decorated. Anyway, this is Frank of the Radio. I'm joined by Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli.

Follow the podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via Frank Offder Radio at Avalon, UK.com. As for WhatsApp, 07-457-4-1-7-67-769. I wish I'd persevered with the harmonica. How far did you get? I can play, oh, Susanna, and the times they are changing, and abide with me.

One for every occasion. Yeah. Keeping it modern. Yeah, but you don't get much harmonica in your modern. Yeah, I don't know if you can do any Cardi B on the harmonica. I'd like to see someone try. You've got harmonica written all over you. I'd love to whip one out at a lonesome moment.

And I'm like, phrasing, Frank. It wouldn't be the first time. Family going away next week. I've just had a text from my friend Janet McLeod who lives in Melbourne, Australia. I know, Janice. I'm not going to do the accent. Melbourne just smashed the record

for biggest bagpipe ensemble in the world. 374 pipers. Wow. Fantastic. And of course, they played long way to the top. Do you know that? 374 pipers. It's a long way to the top

if you want to rock and roll. Well, if you want to rock and roll, why you've played a fucking bagpipes? That is, I can't begin to picture the sound of 3754 pipers. And I like the bagpipes. I like the bagpipes as well. I'd like to have been in a battle situation

to see the fear in the opponent's eyes when they heard the screech of the bagpipes coming over a mist-covered hill. That's what I'd have liked. Then I'd have said, look, I'll see after the battle guys. Good a lot with everything. You so would have done that. I would, I don't want to be in.

A battles that were very civilising. You see pictures of those battles in the 18th century and stuff. There's people sitting on a hill watching them like you'd watch a tennis match. They're not involved. They're not embroiled. Would you have been, be really honest to it, do you think you would have been quite cowardly in battles? I think I'd have been stopped with it

because such was my class. I wouldn't have had much. I might as well get killed by the enemies, killed by my own. Whereas, yeah, we all know. Also, because of, you know. I was an, well, I still am, I suppose, an alcoholic. I think I'd have been one of those berserkers that used to get absolutely blasted, drunk,

and then just going, not really caring. And one thing about drink, it makes you tremendously courageous. This is one of its qualities that is often overlooked in all the negativity of that drink. But really, it can turn a cowardly man into a bold, bold hero. So, listen, so learn from that, kids, if you're worried about your attitude to life. Your cowardice. Yeah?

Have a few beers. Oh, mine, you can cure a cowardice in an hour and a half. Piero, on the other hand. Faster with shorts. Pierre was built for the military, let's be honest. He was built for all kinds of battle. Lungs aside, though. I can really see you.

We're lost a lot of good men out there today, sir. Just got that all over you. Poor old ginger bought one. Got his packet. Yeah. I think you nearly did, didn't you? Yeah, it was asthma. They wouldn't let me in.

It wasn't allowed. And I thought, I could lie about this, but it feels unwise. Yeah. To be caught wheezing in the poppy pollen of the Afghan countryside. Were you going for the bagpipe division? The bagpipe division. Because asthma there is a draw. The Queen's 90th blowers.

Yeah. No, I was going, I was going to join the Green Slime Intelligence Corps. I wanted to go around interviewing Shepherds of if they'd seen anything suspicious. That's a waste of your physique, isn't it? Intelligence Corps. Well, then I've got threatened them. I'd loom over them while I was questioning them, maybe. You still get to break the backs of the occasional locals.

You'd have been, it's a great combination with, you know, an intelligent man who can truly hurt people. He's got the lot. I don't think I would have gotten far without a GCSE in Pashtun or something. I don't know where I expected to learn any relevant languages outside of school. Intelligent man who can secretly hurt people is my king. It's your king. It's actually my Twitter handle. Oh, anyway, this is all very well. Man stopped me on the road today as I walked here, which is always a worry around.

Did he have a glittering eye? He didn't have a glittering eye, but he was jovial. I was listening to an audio book. Yes. May I ask what it was? It was the Old Wives Tale by Arnold Bennett. Lovely.

Fantastic. Arnold Bennett, what a writer. Anyway, this guy said to me, I was at a New Year's Eve party with you, a dry New Year's Eve party, Eric Clapton. And I said, oh, yeah, I remember that. He said, when was it? I said, it was the millennium.

Wow. He said, and you hosted it, and he said, you did a joke that I still remember now. And I thought, well, that's good because I won't, almost. And he said, he said it was this, Eric Clapton, I don't know if he still does. It used to have an alcoholic's New Year's Eve party. There was no alcohol there at all. And he said, you got up and said, welcome to the only New Year's Eve party in Britain where the car park is full.

And I thought, well, that's all right, actually. I quite like that. It's great when you forget your own jokes. And when they come back to you, there's so much better than other people's jokes. Oh, okay. But anyway, he said, I remember you at the... It's because I saw in the Millennium on stage, standing with my arm around Eric Clapton, with him playing guitar while I sang...

Old Langs-Ine. So, yeah. So that was... But then you did irritate him. We won't speak of that. Well, by singing, yeah, I sang his song. If you were someone who's got famous songs, it's very hard not to sing them.

Yeah. To their face. Well, not to their face. You sort of hum them to yourself. You don't actually... They come from somewhere within. They're sort of a... You know, when you were at school,

when you used to do a painting. I'm talking about not six-form when people are doing these fabulous conceptual pictures of Mickey Mouse being crucified and stuff like that. A big eye. Yeah, a great big eye. And right in the centre of it, a map of Africa

or something like that. But when you start doing nice little drawings when you're smaller, you used to do a wash on the background before you did it. Well, that's what the people, if I meet a musician, that's what their music is like. So as you're having lunch with Eric Clapton,

and I walk back from the toilet going, diddle-l-l-l-l-la-da-da-da-da-da-n, and you went, don't do that. It's the don't do that. I know, but I wasn't doing it to him. It was doing it to me, if you know what I mean. You know, songs creep up on you like that. That's like when Tony Adams made a joke when pulling out the balls for the FA Cup.

And he made a joke in Graham Kelly. He pretended, because it had been two consecutive numbers. It was at two plays, or whatever it was. And he made a joke in Graham Kelly, and don't do that, please. What was the joke? It was just, he joked and pretended the next number was also a consecutive number.

Because it had been two plays 14. Oh, yeah, you don't want to say a number that isn't the number. Because he can't do that for the FAA Cup. I did the draw for the fourth round of the FI Cup once, yeah. How was it? I had a friend. Did you get the black velvet? pouch, magician's pouch. No, I was just, I don't think I put them in. I was just reaching out of the, I think it was Gwynnevere that week. Oh, Gwynnevon. And that was a joke. They don't actually use the lottery one. That's the lottery one, yeah. Yeah. So I, at the end of it, it's quite an exciting thing to draw the fourth round of the FAA. You know, I was sending people from Barnett to Leeds because of something I'd done. The thrill of it. And,

And I had a text from a mate saying, so is it true about the hot balls? And I said, I've told you, stop sending me this text. Stop listening to all that chatter. Yeah, exactly. Down to the docks.

And what he'd heard and was utterly convinced that the big teams are steamed before they go into the FA Cup draw. So that the people can make sure that you don't pick two big teams against each other, or you only pick one. It's fascinating.

But it wasn't true. They were all the same temperature. That's a good job. F-A-Cup ball steamer. Yeah, it is. And they must do all the work. I imagine they'd hand it over to the catering staff at the FAA. There's a lot of balls to steam out there.

No, you've only got to steam the big teams. You've only got to steam like 10 teams. Okay. Maybe with the iron that's in the changing room, like at the backstage of a theatre. Yeah. Just quickly. Have you ever used the iron in the theatre? Unfortunately, yeah.

And they've always got a single black, melted plastic lump of a piece of a button on that I then smear immediately on my white shirt. Every single time. Well, you would never, never iron without a towel. What do you mean? Always use a towel. Underneath it? Yeah, between the iron and the shirt, a thin towel.

Have you done this, Frank? It was a damp tea towel. Yes. Your mother taught you well. Yes, every theatre iron comes with a mysterious napalm-like stain somewhere just slightly unperceivable towards the bottom of the iron. Can we say that Pierre is not using the word iron here as the whole slang term for a homosexual?

What? I want to clear that all. Iron? Yeah. I mean, and other things you didn't need to clear up. Let's not go into the rhyming slang. It's 1800 slang. I have never heard of that.

No, it's about more recent than that. In fact, I remember it being used. on Citizens Smith. Did it? Yeah. Different times. We didn't know. Some execs want Gen.

I mean, others think it's basically a shredder for intellectual property. And your people? Yeah, they're already using it. Okay, picture this. Someone paste the Q4 strategy doc and client list into a free AI tool, and it's no longer yours. Harmonic Security warns people before they paste in sensitive data so you can say yes to Gen A.I and still protect what matters most.

Visit harmonic.security before your cram jewels end up in a chat bot. Sometimes the best gifts aren't gifts at all. Their experiences, journeys, something that unwraps them. This year, help them explore their past with ancestry DNA. Help them discover where they come from and who they're connected to. Now with even more regions, exclusive features, and incredible detail. They can see where they're from and the paths that shape their family's story. This holiday, give more than a gift.

Give AncestryDNA. Visit Ancestry.ca for more details. Terms apply. Have we up from Alfrisco Mond? We have. We have had. I bet there's someone called that in Argentina. Well.

Formerly. formerly Adolf We've heard from Bill Fonsberg Bill says Apropos Emily's recent reference to ghosts

wearing rebox I was once in a production of Julius Caesar The sets and costumes of which were in the traditional ancient Roman style The eponymous emperor was played by an elderly actor

of some renown I mean I'm already loving this actor And while it was understood by all That age had brought on a good deal of discomfort in his feet. We were all very surprised

when on the first night, having been assassinated by the treacherous conspirators, he collapsed on the ground only to reveal a pair of Dunlop green flash between his floor-length toga. Oh, no. I didn't think togas were floor-length.

Yes, I always see the toga as midi-lengths. Yeah, I would agree with that. There's a lot of sodomy in ancient Rome, and I think that's why they were. wore very accessible short garment. I think those short ones have a different name. They've all got different names. Oh, do they? Yeah, we need Mary Beard on here

to take us through the... I know what you mean. I would see the toga is not toe grazing. No, you want that one where it's like Caesar or the console with his hand up standing on top of Roman steps and it's draped down all the way down over his feet. Perhaps there's one called the tiger and one called the shinger and then the toga

is full length. But then having said that, I get most of my sartorial information about classical civilization from Frankie Howard and the likes... Oh, no. Yes, I know what you mean. Do you know what I mean? We have watched a lot of... In Roman poetry and indeed Greek poetry of the ancient world, there's a lot of talk

about that beautiful young boy and their toga almost showing blah, blah, blah. blight. It's a common trope. Okay. Just saying. Kind of bit mentionitis. I know. What's going on with you? Yeah.

In fire and Vauxhall again. Well, speaking of Vauxhall, I used to live on Lambus Bridge which is quite near the London borough of Vauxhall. And near FIRE. Fire nightclub. I don't believe it's still there anymore. Yeah, the Fire Night Club,

which I always said they should have been a pub next door called the frying pan. But anyway, there was a... Stop me if I've told this recently. I told someone about it recently. There was a statue of a man in, well, I'm calling it a toga, short, above the knee. And it was in a small little rectangle of grass

with a fence all the way around. And I thought, why is there an ancient Roman? celebrated in Lambus. I mean, the Romans, obviously, we're here for a long time, but this is a interesting thing. So eventually, curiosity got the best of me, and I climbed this fence. This is in a day when I could climb a fence.

And he was actually a local MP from Victorian England. And what had happened to him is that he had gone to one of the first test drives of Stevenson's rocket. And he'd seen someone on the other side of the track who was a lord somebody or other, who he'd accidentally offended or heard that he'd accidentally offended him. He was very keen to apologize and put things right. So he walked over and became the first man in history

to be killed by being hit by a tripe. Oh, my God. But the statue of him was, there was a tradition. An incredibly Victorian sentence. I know. A polite man was hit by a steam train, attempting to apologise to a lord. But also for his statue,

he had resolved to wear a toga because there was lots of people then, and they thought it showed a statesman-like celebration of democracy. Well, show other things. So they did fancy dress porch. There's one of Byron in like Eastern dress. Oh, he loved the classic. There's a George the fourth or fifth one in Edinburgh

where he's full on Caesar costume. But you can see why, if no one's ever been hit by a train, walking across the tracks, would never anywhere near. Just the thought of walking across Railway. tracks to me, he's terrified. But of course, he wouldn't have even thought about it. How fast could it be going? Oh, there's lawn, Chesterfield.

I must... Oh, shit! I wonder how quickly these trains stop. It's probably as fast as an angry sheep. Oh, Ballyo. How did we get to here? I don't even stop at railway crossings. I'm so terrified of trains.

I drive round. Oh, I think you're going to say you don't stop. You just go straight to row. Fast as possible. No, I get my GPS to divert me because I have an absolute terror of them. If I had to calculate how many times in a film, I've seen someone drive through a wooden fence

or some sort of a road. It would be in the thousand. Constant. Has anyone ever actually done it? Have you ever done it? No. No, I've never driven through any kind of checkpoint charles. Frank, we all know who is the most likely to have driven through a wooden fence here and it ain't me.

Do you drive, Pierre? I can drive. Oh, him in a Jeep, come on. I'm a rural only driver. I still haven't driven in London. I haven't had a car while I've lived here, so I need to become more accustomed to city ways. He doesn't find the roads dangerous enough here.

Yes, that's it. As part of my lifetime study of the aggression of others, I've found it important to drive in London. That's at the centre of my thesis. I find just blow them a kiss It makes them so angry I did it the other day Someone was tooting me

A man was getting so angry And I went And what can they do Well if I do that though To some of the men They get angry with me They'll get angry If they get out the car

I will have to mow them down Because actually taking them on physically is beyond Move them down Yeah that horrible feeling When you drive And then you keep going looking in the rearview mirror

to see if they've got up. You know, when they do drive through those things, they always do, would you be able to do that, Frank? When the car stop and the splinters would get into the engine? The windscreen never goes, does it? No. The windscreen, when they drive for a wooden fence,

is like when you used to come off the motor where you got insects on the wheel. It was like nothing. But I had thought there's a fair chance. I mean, your wing mirrors and all that. Sometimes they drive through it. through whole shops. And obviously the apples and oranges

from the market fall on the floor. Yeah, yeah. But the wooden fence stroke barrier that people drive through. Yeah, it's astounding that they keep going. And it snaps like a twig. At no point does it completely fuck the front wheels. Almost if it's made by a props man

rather than the local road authority. Like that sugar glass where someone gets hit with a bottle and it just vaporizes. I had a driver, I had an Irish... A 70s thriller on IT. And then they fall immediately, knocked out. Go on, Frank. You had an Irish driver.

And he'd been a farmer in Ireland, and there was a pack of dogs had gone. They'd formed a pack and gone wild and were worrying sheep and stuff. And he'd gone out with a shotgun. He sounds nice. He'd got rid of, I think, I think he said there was 12 of them. He got rid of all but one. And then he said he was driving home, and he saw this dog. he just drove straight at him.

And he said... Why do you tell this story? It's so horrible. No, but he said... They were worrying sheep, though, and stuff. How dare you defend him? And he said, I just drive straight into it. I said, oh, God, that's terrible.

He said, 1,200 quits worth of damage. Now, in a film... Yeah. They can drive through a fence and nothing happens. You hit a dog. Single dark... Yes, those are the headlines, the state of the car. Well, I think...

In rural areas, dogs running them up like a serious business. That's bad, yeah, very bad. I'm sorry. It could be the James Bond franchise is good for that, though, to be fair. Every now and then. But at least they'll have Q at some point going, What have you done to the car bond? He's done it again.

You know, Mr. Bond, how long do you plan on staying in our beautiful country? Welcome to Cuba. With the terrible dubbing. Yeah, yeah. You know when Bond goes down the... Much deeper voice. When he goes down the narrow alley, and he goes up onto,

he can't possibly get through, but he goes up on like a rack. So he goes to him with just two wheels against one more. That's good when he does that. I always think if I directed that, I'd have had a block having a piss at the end of the alley and just have decapitated by the wheels.

And the body's still pissing as he goes back. Like a chicken, right? Pissing, but starting to start just that moment of flocks when urine's, becoming blood. Oh, God. And what would what would Bond say?

What would the pun be? Well, it depends on the Bond. I think you're far more likely to have seen that in Roger's era, my favourite. They got a bit more serious, didn't they? I love Craig, but they got a bit more intense, the bonds.

Do you not think? Yes, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, oh yeah, yeah, definitely. Quantums and what have you? Yeah, they take it more seriously, certainly. The psychology era of Bond. Yes. But why are you like this, James, that kind of thing.

I don't care why he's like that. Bond would have gone to the funeral of the decapitated pisser nowadays. They would have been a scene of him. In the old days, yeah. A scene of him pissing and then flashing back and feeling really bad. Yeah, exactly. Fun background mistake in, I think, Quantum of Solace, there's just a man sweeping the air.

Yes, I've seen that. As James Bond gets on a motorcycle, there's a guy in a kind of jumpsuit. I love that. There's like a street cleaner, and he's just sweeping a good meter and a half above the surface of the ground. Well, there's a fun foreground mistake in Quantum of Solace. Quantum of Solis.

That's got to be the worst Bond film. That's terrible. They also made the mistake of making the big money that the evil guy wants in Euros because at that time they thought, oh, the Euro's going to take over. It's going to be the cool. They thought it was going to be like Esperanto.

Yeah, the main new currency, yeah. So they're like, there's a bit where the guy says, and it's in Euros. And they go, of course. And you think, this is such a gamble, such a mistake. What's your favourite one? Then it cuts to a pint of euro,

a big pile of euros on the table next to a BMW symbol that just happened. Frank, what's your favourite one film again? I don't think, Goldfinger. Okay, I'm living and let die. He's the man, the man with the... Live and let die. Goldfinger up, yeah, quickly.

What's the second... Doctor no? No. The second... Oh, God. guy who only did two. Timothy Dalton? Yeah, the second Dalton. Living daylights.

Living daylights. Yeah. Okay. Is that, no. That's Timothy Dolellan. I think Dalton's my favourite. Is that Durand, Duran? Yes, very good, Frank.

Yeah, okay. I love it when you get things like that, right. Andy and Linfield, quickly, can I share this? Yes. I'm a few episodes behind him, was just listening to Frank, praising the river community. Remember you were talking about for coming to his aid? Yeah, very, very helpful.

Yeah. I was on holiday somewhere in the south west of England in recent years. I won't name the location or those involved for reasons that will become clear. We took a boat trip looking for wildlife. And while on that trip, the captain's radio received a distress message from another boat. The captain looked around and then set the boat off at speed towards the coast. I asked him what was happening and he told me that the coast guard was asking for assistance rescuing a stricken vessel. If no one responded, then the nearest boats are obliged to give assistance.

So, he was hammering it towards the shore in order to not, and I quote, get roped into it. Oh, wow. The spirit of Dunkirk is truly dead. All the best, Andy and Linfield. Well, I was on the Thames. I can't speak for the south-west of it. I love Mr. Don't get roped. Don't get involved, mate. Yeah.

You don't want to get roped into all this dramatic nautical rescue. Business. No, exactly. God forbid, you should have an interesting anecdote to be bravery. No, I only found friendliness and support on the river. Okay. So, I went clothes shopping at the weekend. No, I haven't been clothed.

I haven't been clothes shopping long time. I said nothing. Because when I was on television, television a lot. I got to keep all the clothes I wore on camera. You got a lot of free. So I thought I might as well wear out this era before I move on to the next one. The clothes have to become as seethru as if they were not there and then replaced. Well, I got to the point where I've got so many suits.

I just wore suits every, I slept in a suit. You look great in a suit, though. Like someone in a coffin. So what is the new era? Just a suit. What are you going to do? Is it Ibson's grandfather? No, what? The thing is, I wasn't shopping for me. I was shopping for my 13-year-old son. He's quite stylish, Buzz.

Well, I mean, he's very banned t-shirt and ripped trousers, but ripped from falling over rather than buying them ripped. But anyway... Legit, okay. But I hadn't clothes shopped for a while. So we went into this shop. Did you say, oh, I thought this would be... be two and six.

Well, what I did, I was, what I did say to the man on the, no, the fitting shop, trying, trying things on. Yeah,

you haven't been shopping for a while, have you? The fitting shop. The changing room. The changing room. The changing room. Mr. Ben's corridor. See,

fitting was in there. Yeah. Yeah. I said to him, have you got, sorry, have you got a tape measure? He said,

A what? It's not 1954, no. I said, if you've got a tape measure? He said, what is he? I said, and some chalk. I said, I don't know. I don't know his waist size.

I want to measure, you know, his waist. He said, what, on his trousers? Where else? I said, I'd say, well, I'm going to leave it. Okay. I'm going to leave it. Thanks for your help. And I thought, this is not good, is it for his trousers?

No, I'm in the market for a comma bond. Yeah. Do you sell them? I was going to measure the waste of his mind. Yeah. If I'd have said I'm in the market for a comma bond, he'd have said he was great. It's Dr. Strange. Yeah, very good.

So anyway, that put me off. So then I went to a shop I'd never even heard of before called Bird. Bershoff. Oh, yes. Nobody fucking works there. Yeah. You know the Mary Celeste? Yes.

When they're going on this ship and the crew had just disappeared. Food half eaten at the table. Yeah, there was plenty of stuff, plenty of food and there was alcohol. No, but the entire crew had disappeared. Nobody knows why. They should get to fucking Bershoff. Nobody there.

I thought, why aren't people just walking out? I had a pile of jeans in my eyes. arms looking, because they had, they sized it by age, so that was easy. So I've got, I've got 20 pairs of jeans in my arms trying to look at the, people looked at me like, at last, someone who works here, called his Frank Skinner, Frank Skinner's working here. We thought you worked in auto repair. Yeah, he's lost this job at auto check. Do you know what, he's a bit of a slasher, he multitasked.

Oh, man. But yeah, gig economy. Yeah. When, when I, so we bought, I bought something. How did you manage to buy it? I bought it because it's like a fucking supermarket. Self-checkout jeez. Self-checker. And you eat, there's even a thing.

The dip, the hole. There's a thing where you get rid of the, you know, the tab that sets the alarm off. You have to get rid of that yourself. Yes. But why aren't people just stealing from this shop? It must be. Well, the most amazing. I'm not saying they should.

but don't get me wrong, that would be bad. A lot of shops are self-service now, Frank, just FYI. And when you buy... Clothes shops. Yes, when you go to Zara, for example, you can buy four items, put it in this little hole, and it all comes up on the screen.

Just from going in the hole, some AI thing. Well, like a tub. Yeah, you put it in a plastic tub, and suddenly on the screen, it will tell you every item you've put in there and the price of it. Am I right, girls? Thank you.

Well, I guess me, it's to see he's... It can sense what the clothes are, the plastic towel. You know when they see he's fucking smart, bloody whinging actors going on about being replaced by AI. Nobody gives a shit

about the shop assistant sort of disappear from there. No entry level jobs. When you walked in, can I help you, sir? Oh yeah, thanks. I think you'll find they didn't say that, Frank. What did they say?

They didn't say that. What they said was, do you need any help at all? Well, I had one that said, all right, mate. And I just turn around and walk straight out of the shop. Now I'd kill for that rude man.

You'd know what a tape measure was. I said to a bloke, I said to a bloke, I said actually, I wouldn't mind trying these in a nine and a half. And he went, oh. I mean, but even that, I miss that now. I miss him. Oh, mate. So did you have any interaction with any members of the human?

Yes. I went to Sports Direct for TrackSuit Bottoms and the level of aggression. Keep it classy, mate. But the people in there were so just walking straight at me. I think they just live there and they perceive you as a burglar.

I don't mean the staff. I'm on about the customers. It upset me because I've got a really... I bought some stuff from Sports Director and they sent me a free monk. Oh, the giant mug. Oh, the giant mug. We all know the giant mug.

They have prank. They have been. bigger portions the sports director. But like a pint of tea, Mark. Yeah, it was. You know, I love tea. I had great affection for that. And then I was in this shop

and everyone was hostile and aggressive. What were they like? Well, just their energy was a little bit dark. Everybody looked like if you got close, they'd smell a B-O because they'd just been working out. They'd have a pint of coffee, though. That's why they're so touchy. I saw a woman on the tube.

A pint of coffee. They're just shaking and, you know. Why do they freak them? So much hot beverage as sports director came in town. I used that almost exclusively now, that point. That's Sport Direct, Mum. You kept it. It's tasted a little sourer this week.

I want to know, I want to dig a bit deeper here. What specifically upset you? I was doing a Zoom. And this bloke, I was doing the Zoom would say, I don't know what it is, but I really got the urge to go to a sports director. I thought, why is he saying that? I realized I was drinking out of this giant,

Oh, man. Advertising car repair shop. So I bought a belt. A belt for boss. It's a small belt. 20 quid. From where? Where from?

From Abercrombie and Finn. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. But at least they had people in there. Is that the one with the smell? Yes. The smell? Yeah, they pipe a smell through the store.

Oh. They secretly pipe a fragrance, don't they, through the store? This is the smell of Abergrombie or Fitch? No, it's the smell, we don't talk about Fitch. No, it's the smell that I think, I believe it will induce you to buy. I don't quite understand it. Well, I don't need something I've never done before in my life. I joined.

I became a member of Abercrombie. I don't know if that's a club you want to belong to. Well, they said 10 quid off if you join and I thought 10 quid belt. Yeah. Oh, is that right? I think belts should be free. Because belts are just a hold-up stuff you've bought. You know, used to buy...

Infrastructure. Used to buy shirts. Shirts used to come with like plastic paper clips that held the coughs together. Yes. And then you can put in your gold cofflings. But nobody did. Where I lived, everybody just wore those paper plastic paper clips.

Do they still have the men, the muscled men outside? You know, they used to have that, didn't they? That's them, isn't it? Yeah. They would pay people and you were told you'd go for a job interview I know someone this happened to

and they were told you would either be a shop assistant or you would just be a good looking person that they wanted to have in the shop and you weren't allowed to work on the till if you were a good looking person That was abs crombie That's what it was there wasn't I remember

They were famous for that Yeah this was You were there for you were paid for viz I was in Abercrombie and Titch which is the name of their children's section. And that was ladies. So what was your spend? Was it in excess?

You got a lot of clothes, I think. You did well. I got a lot. I spent, you know. Yeah. I don't know if I should. A decent amount, though. My son gets very guilty when I've told him I spent money on him.

Oh, no. I spent a amount, you know. We don't need to say the figure. We don't need to know. It's all right. It was $400. All right. Yeah

But it was I've got some nice stuff But 20 quid for a belt You know Which is an accessory I should have Should have gone to Clares Had your ears pierced

But it really was At the end of the day For the giant wrestling belt From Squatter Xx We went to We went to HMV And I thought

Well I could properly stop Is that still open? I didn't know That was still going Did you get to our price afterwards? It's a nice one in West Field West. Really?

Oh, God. It's lovely. There's a live band on when we went in there. Really? I thought, I didn't expect any people to be in here. There's extra people in this shop.

So, yeah, so any shoplifters out there, fill your boots. Get some boots. Yeah, get as many boots as you like. Fill them. Fill them with belts. That's my life. That's where the money is.

Black Market belts. It's Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio, it's the Frankskinner podcast, don't you know? Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch,

you can email the podcast via Frank off the radio at Avalonuk.com.