The Frank Skinner Show - I went to your hood...

Episode Date: December 6, 2024

The team discuss an item of clothing they spotted before recording the podcast and try to get to the bottom of the meaning. Also Frank has had a busy week at the House of Lords and the Opera! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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name, from South Africa came. They're all here, open brackets, hooray! And the one with the French name From South Africa came They're all here, open brackets, hooray Close brackets today Mm-hmm. This is, I'm trying to find the new sound. I like that. What is it, Elvis? I don't know if you've ever been to the southern states of America.

Oh, yes. But if you say, yes I love biscuit and gravy, thank you madam, and they go, mm-hmm. And it's kind of, don't mention it. I like it. This is Frank Off the Radio. I'm joined by Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. Follow the podcast on X and Instagram.

I felt I was gonna be more on the list be more on the list. You can email the podcast via frankofftheradioatavalonuk.com. You know what I also found about the southern states of America? When the waiter comes over, they'll always end the order with, for you. I have those grits for you. Do you notice that? There's the coffee for you. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go that extra mile, which I appreciate. You don't get that in Spiritland.

Well, don't slack off Spiritland when we sit in. Actually, I've spoken so much about the fact we work from Spiritland. Apparently a woman turned up this week looking for Frank Skinner. No. Turned up at Spirit Land. Was she harmed? I don't know. Harmed or armed?

Armed. Okay. If she was armed, I'm worried. If she was harmed, well, I'm going to make an omelette. I wish they were at Spirit Land. Yeah. Would they though? Can I tell you something I just, I don't need to tell you.

I just saw something extraordinary. I want to talk about the garment we just saw, Frank. What, in Spiritland? Yes, we were sitting there. I didn't spot it, it was over my shoulder. It was actually Daisy, our producer, and we were all sitting there minding our own business. Suddenly we spot, to our left, a man wearing a sweatshirt and it had emblazoned on it in I'm gonna call that fabric sort of like puppet felty material okay and it said I

went to your hood and nobody knew you yeah it's a bubble writing what did what do you make of this Frank I went to your hood and it's suggesting that someone's a phony I believe it's a meme of some sort is it? Oh, it's a meme meaning what? I'm gonna get one that says there can I pet that dog? Have you seen that? Yeah It's a bear comes to the fence and there's this girl going, can I pet that dog? And then the monkey's going, no! Can I pet that dog? She won't stop saying it. That's great. Charging, this little child charging towards a bear. I'm going to get a t-shirt with that on.

Can I pet that dog would be nice to see on the back of a hoodie. But what does it mean? I would wear that as a lady. I went to your hood. Is it based on that internet obsession with people are making things up? They must be because their lives are more interesting than mine resentment. Do you get like pics or it didn't happen? I think it's sort of intimating your nothing. Is it saying you don't have street cred because I went to the hood that you claim to be from and no one has a clue who you are, so you've lied, you're not from a rough part of town. Or are they saying, you are from a rough part of town, but I went there and you were clearly

a massive loser because no one remembers you. One or the other, right? Fake or loser. Well, you've gone to my hood asking around for me and I'm the loser. I mean, essentially. That's a good retort. Isn't that what the woman who came into spirit land did the other day? And I'm the loser. I mean, essentially. That's a good retort. Isn't that what the woman who came into Spiritland did the other day?

I went to Spiritland and no one had heard of your podcast. Is it an unsuccess? Maybe. They just frowned at me. That's what happened. They didn't know. They don't know my name in Spiritland. How do they recognise you in Spiritland, Frank? I think I've had an excessive haircut and I've gone in on Harris today. I think they thought he's allowed to come in with that haircut. I think they thought you were the late Samuel Beckett. Well, I don't think they know of his either.

They went to his hood and guess what? I want to know what this hood... If it's a sweatshirt, maybe it's like an anti-hoodied top remark. There's a hoodie. Yeah, I used to have a hood. Oh. No, no. Maybe it's an unsuccessful private detective.

Someone who helps people disappear is reassuring you. Don't worry, I went to your hood and no one remembered me. Is it not very nice though? What, I went to your hood and nobody knew you? Well, it's infinitely better than... Do you remember the last time we shared logo knitwear together? Oh, that was at the Rolling Stones Live at the London Stadium. If you can have a vague name for a venue. I mean, that's up

there with Mexico City. Talking of Mexico, I'm going to have to use a bit of a potty word, but I think the readers will allow it because it's contextual here. Curse word? Yes. We saw a man in front of us, and even though the Rolling Stones were great, I'd say I watched about 14% less of that gig because I was so utterly focused on the jacket in front of us. It was a black satin bomber jacket and the man was, it was a middle-aged man, gyrating a lot. And do you remember what it said on it, Frank? Well, I don't like to swear on the podcast.

Shall I do it for you? Go on then. It said Mexico is the shit. Yes, but I think it meant it in a positive way. Yes. Or was it a nice thing? That's a compliment. I don't think it's a Donald Trump vote. No, it's the the that keeps it positive. You see that jacket could mean something very different. You ever teem that jacket with a MAGA cap? No, no I don't think you would. I saw one the other day on a small child and it said, I'm alone but not lonely. Okay, mate. I thought I'd really like to get one that would be more apt for me that says, I'm lonely but not alone.

That's a far more devastating exactly if you saw a child wearing that second one you step in I Don't like the sound of the t-shirt. Anyway, that's it. Hmm. It seems bit unkind. What is speaking of unkindness? What about this? I had a meeting with my son's maths teacher this week. A bit off, I thought, but it's a different story. And Buzz was sitting in a tent of Lilith and in the meeting. This is the modern way, the child's in the meeting. Is the child present at the meeting?

Oh yeah. He had a hat on. I mean, what's happened at the moment? Oh yeah. Yeah. He had a hat on. I mean, what's happened to the education? The star was written! Anyway, so he was sitting, just looking, and he looked great. He looks good in the hat. So Kat said to me after, she said, I know this is not why we went, but don't you think Boz looked great in that meeting? I said, no, he did look great. She said, he's great is not why we went but don't you think boss looked great in that meeting? I said no he did look great. She said he's great he's

getting old in there. He looks like a sort of good-looking version of you. What? Oh man. If I'd have said that to her I can't tell you what would have happened. Anyway, I've got bigger things to worry about. Go on. Par example, just occurred to me recently, no one's got an address now to send my Christmas gifts to, like they did on the radio. Oh yeah. I haven't had a gift since we've been doing this podcast.

Yeah. You know why that's is? Spirit Land will burn them if they arrive. Oh, Spiritland, yeah. Humbug! That's when something unfashionable arrives here. Forget it. Oh man.

Spiritland won't do tacky Christmas paper. They'll throw it in the big furnace they use to power all the jazz. Furnace powered jazz speakers they have here. I mean exactly when something by Robert Louis Stevenson turns up. Oh speaking, can I go and tell you this, I don't know if you've been watching I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here. Oh yes, you got me into it.

Yeah and there's a woman called GK Barry in it who's an internet sensation. I love her. She's great. Have you heard of her? No. She's a YouTuber and podcaster. But unusually funny for someone with a long prescription. She's a young sort of internet person who's genuinely hilarious. Anyway I said to my partner, Kath, I said, who are you backing for that? Because Boz has started voting now for people. I said, who are you backing for I'm a Celebrity? She said, I like that GK Chesterton. Now, GK Chesterton, in case you don't know, is a turn-of-the-century Roman Catholic social commentator.

And he's never had his name mentioned with the word that. No. That GK Chesterton. Think about that GK Chesterton. Oh, if only he could be an I'm a Celebrity, get me out of here. We've dropped the socially conservative, highly religious GK Chesterton in the jungle. If you want GK Chesterton to do the trial, walk. Sat around a fire eating bugs as he explains his concept of Chesterton's fence. This is a bloke who

wrote a biography of St Thomas Aquinas. He can't be in the jungle with Barry McGuigan. And Alan Halsall from Coronation Street. Oh I can't, I'm getting on my nerves. Well can you imagine poor old GK? You know the heart symbol that people do when they hold their fingers and Tom's, no I hate the heart symbol. Why do we hate it? He does that every time. I think, did Mo Farah start the heart symbol?

No, no he did the the what was that called the robot when he put his fingers on top of his head. He did like a robot dance. I don't think he did a dance. Didn't he? He just put his fingers on top of his head. That's all you need nowadays to be a star. Just to do something odd with your arms.

Just do anything that's nothing doesn't threaten people. To be fair to Mo Farah he did run very well as well as that. Is GK Chesterton still in the jungle then? She is. GK Barry is GK Chesterton. I don't know where he's buried. Oh no, I'm sticking with Chesterton. I once looked on eBay, eBay antiquarian books section, which is my most thummed section of eBay UK, and it said GK Chesterton, and it was like a selection of GK Chesterton. I looked at the review of it and it said, old fashioned and boring.

And I bought it. That was good enough for me. They know the way to my heart, these reviewers. Which turn of the century social commentators would you like to see in the jungle? I don't see why Hilaire Bellac can be in there. I don't see why Hilaire Bellac can be in there. Anyway, listen, I went to the House of Lords this week. I don't remember what day it is.

Just an old man. I was meeting Baroness Bakewell there. We were going to dine at the House of Lords and then go to the opera. I was meeting Baroness Bakewell there. We were going to dine at the House of Lords and then go to the opera. It's like doing a podcast with Samuel Pepys. I used to work in a factory. Anyway, so I turned up there. It's quite easy to get in the House of Lords.

Is it? A lot of security. No one asked for any... I just said I'm here to see Baroness Bakewell. I don't know if they would know me. Oh they will. You're very their age group. Oh sorry. No, no, you're right. You're right. The House of Lords. It's not spirit land. Although a lot of them are on the verge. So I went up to the desk and I said I'm here to see Baroness Bakewell. If you're new to the whatever this is podcast, radio, whatever. The Canon.

Yeah, in case you're new to the Canon. It's, yeah, you see in the jungle. No, I'm a friend with Joan Bakeaitwell who's also Baroness Baitwell. He used to be a massive TV personality and he's still very active, age 91 if I don't think she'd mind me giving her age away. Anyway, I went up and I said I'm here to see Baroness Baitwell and he said okay, name please please. And I said, Frank Skinner. And he said, the comedian. I went to your hood and nobody knew you. No, I liked it. I went to their hood.

I went to the house of lords and nobody knew you. You claim to be from a noteworthy family. But he did know me. He did know me. This is my point. I was really happy about it. I tell you what it reminded me of. One of the very first gigs I did was at Disco in the West Midlands. And the DJ said, yeah we've got a

comedian coming up later on. Well, he thinks he's a comedian. That was the sort of introduction thing. And I remember thinking, mate, you just represent all the negative, cut-you-down people that have kicked me all my life and pressed me down into the dirt. And I went up there, went onto the stage and died on my heart. It's not the uplifting ending I was hoping for. He was right, that terrible man.

No, so I like being called that. So go on, so you're at the House of Commons and then what happened? Lords. Oh, lords, I do apologise. So I met, she came out to see me, the Baroness, and we went to the restaurant. Oh, it's all getting so sound of music. So the man comes over, the waiter guy, he was in like a sort of frock coat and all that, and said, what can I get you, my lady? It's all my life. It's like being in Robin Hood. I went to Robin Hood. He didn't know me. Anyway, so now this was a painful moment for me. And so this is partly therapeutic, I'm telling you this. But he said, right, what kind of tea would you like? She said, can I get Earl Grey? And I said, I don't think he's into that. Which I was

really pleased with in the House of Lords. But it got lost in the ordering frenzy, do you know what I mean? There was menus and stuff and neither of them heard it. Don't say you repeated it. I didn't repeat it. I thought about it. I'm repeating it now. Yeah. But I woke up this morning, it was still nagging at me a bit that that was, because it's one

of those, where else am I going to do it? Yeah. Yeah. You're not going to be able to deploy that again. No. I did a gig. I don't know if it still exists, Pio. There used to be a comedy club off Leicester Square in London, a large conurbation in the

southeast of England. It was a Dutch pub called Rangy Boom Boom. Oh yes, I remember that. Oh no. They used to have a comedy club there. I was doing a gig there and there was two Dutch guys, I think they'd been attracted because there's a name for a Dutch beer, so they were in the audience.

Anyway, the gig was going lovely, I'd spoke to these guys a bit and water started coming through the wall and running down. People were like, oh God, it's sort of squirting out like a pipe had gone. And I said, so I was coming through this hole in the wall and said to this guy, can one of you put your finger in that, please. Based for our, judging by the technical manners, looking at me, I said, hey, what does that mean? I'll explain it. Thank you for that. There's a story of the boy who put his finger in a dike in Come Off It in Holland. Oh, Frank, for God's sake.

And stopped the flood. And I thought, what's the chances of using that as a Dutch person and water coming through the wall? A Dutch venue. Oh man, it's got everything. It's like when I went out with a woman briefly in Birmingham who lived, I must have told you this before, she lived in some flats that were a bit rough called Bath Court. Have I ever told you this? I remember this. Yes.

Remind me. And she said, she's talking about Bath Court. I said, the problem with Bath Court is the people who live there spend rather more time in the latter than they do in the former. And she said, where's the latter? And I knew we could never truly be in love. It's game over. It was. As a Fizz member, you can look forward to free data, big savings on plans, and having

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This is an ad from BetterHelp. This holiday season, do something for a special person in your life. You. Give yourself the gift of better mental health. BetterHelp online therapy connects you with a qualified therapist via phone, video or live chat. It's convenient and affordable and can be done from the comfort of your own home. Having someone to talk to is truly a gift, especially during the holidays. Visit betterhelp.com to learn more and save 10% off your first month. That's betterhelphelp.com. Anyway, so that we had a nice, we had a high tiffin, you know, the like cakes, scones.

Yeah, very dense. Little thin sandwiches, you know, with like cucumber and stuff. It was lovely, lovely. And then we got... I like the Disney. I was just going just gonna say just I do like the Disney element to the House of Lords and Commons and I mean, well just with the costumes and oh, yeah saying like the waiters and everything's a bit beef eatery Yes, like an American rom-com idea of what Britain is like You wouldn't be surprised to see someone like, you know, with a Mickey Mouse that has a big fake head.

One of those, but just of the king, sort of walking around. I think I'd have been quite surprised. I'd have been surprised if I saw Ian Botham, who apparently was made a lord and hasn't been for about four years. We haven't got round to him. To be seen, he says. Anyway, so we were going to the opera, we were going to the Coliseum,

the home of the English National Opera. What were you going to see? It's called The Elixir of Love. Okay. You know what I'm talking about? So, I think it's a Barry White album. So we went, we hailed a black cat, I mean, can you imagine it, leave the

House of Lords, hail a black cab. And I said to the guy, the Coliseum please. It's like 1962. Yeah. And he said, which one? I said, is there more than one? He says, yeah there's one in Streatham. There's also one in Rome. but let's not get into that. Yeah, well I thought, I thought, exactly, is he going to drive me to Rome? That'd be embarrassing. What do you think, I'm going to go and see some gladiators? Streatham?

Yeah. He's showing off the knowledge there. Well, he's saying that I googled it after, not that I disbelieved him. Or I'm a petty man. And I couldn't find a Streatham cult singer. Do you know what I think that was? I've got a theory on that. And you're about to hear it.

I think that was a little bit chip on the shoulder. Well I just think that was him putting you in your place a bit like, all right, don't be all fancy with me with your Coliseum. Was it a bit, I went to your hood. Yeah. And there were some gladiators there. Yeah, I went to your Coliseum and none of the gladiators knew you. You know, exactly.

Yeah. A diss from the new gladiator film. They really ruined the script. And they all said, are you not entertained? Yeah. After I had Ridley Scott's Panettone for Christmas as well, if you remember that. Anyway, so I don't normally get black cabs, I'm going to be absolutely honest with you, and I know there'll be perhaps black cab drivers or their families.

Yeah, that's quite a big demographic, let's go easy. That's a bad thing. But I'll be honest, I'm not a big fan of spending money on transport. Are you a proud Freedom Pass user? I've got a Freedom Pass. So I've got a Freedom Pass in my pocket, which means free buses and trains, right? And then not only am I spending money on this thing, but there's a digital reminder of how much I just, it's actually mounted up.

I mean, rubbing my nose in it, it's absolutely saying, oh, 4.95 pounds. Wow! Do you watch that count of the way people watch the countdown of a bomb in a film? Oh, yes. My eyes never leave the meat. It's like 24. Honestly, my eyes never leave the meat. Me neither.

It's hard. I'd rather not know. I got out about a quarter of a mile from my flat once. I was just going to say you got out early even though. I thought I don't want to get, I don't want it to go to Aikwet, I won't be able to live with that. This is years ago. And we stopped on Lambeth Bridge and the guy said, people don't normally get off at bridges.

You're right. I thought, what, I was about to do anything that drastic I might have been a bit less worried about it being a queen anyway so what I don't like it and I thought you were gonna say you got out early and was just gonna say to lady Baker Baroness Bakerwell, come on, I know you're 91, come on, 500 metres, you can. We'll just fight our way through these Spanish teenagers. You go on without me. I'll only hold you back.

No this was on the way to the car. Anyway, so it's the opposite. I had an idea that you could sell sick beds, you know, where people are ill. That's like a big scales. You know when they measure vegetables in a greengrocer's and it's like a cradle on a scale that they put them in. You could sleep in a big one of those. No matter how terrible you felt, watching your weight decline because she was so ill would be a tremendous morale booster. I mean, it's an interesting, unusual idea. What if it wasn't about weight and from your point of view, for every extra day you lay

in bed, a counter added up how much cab money you'd save. Oh yeah. How much water. Yeah, I mean mean it's great just surround it I don't want to know whether I'm flatlining I want to know how much money I'm saving and how much how much money I'm losing. I do understand it I remember Fergie as in not as in Alex we're talking about in the Duchess of York during do you remember she got into a little bit of bother financially which is was very well documented and she said I think it

Was in her autobiography that she was so frightened of looking at the ATM the cash point and seeing the amount She used to hand it to someone else and she'd say don't don't tell me darling. I don't want to know What the man she'd gone in her account or yeah? Yeah, she didn't want to see what they you know, but it would sometimes splash up automatically on the screen. Yes, the balance. She so didn't want, she would hand it to someone and say, don't tell me darling, I don't want to know. Oh.

I know. I used to have a- She ended up all right, I think. She's just okay. She's doing quite well. I used to have a joke about something like that, that never, one of those jokes where, in a room of 50 people where you're trying new,

would get really good response from like four. You think, are you four? Oh, I know that. But it was, when the ATM offers me to show me my balance, I always say, no, that's none of my business. It's like if the ATM said, do you wanna know what day you're going to die? No, no, God no.

But this is it with the black cab thing. It's not our business. I'm in an Uber, I'm spending money in an Uber, but they're not rubbing my nose in it. You know what I mean? It's happening over there somewhere. They're not keep telling me, the guy doesn't keep turning around. Hold on, I'm just making sure I don't do the accent. Turning around and saying, that's five quid. I mean, you know, they're not doing that. Or he doesn't turn around and go, ooh, a lot of traffic still driving, aren't I?

Yeah, exactly. Well, we got stocking traffic in the Black Cab. So then, we're not moving. The only thing that was moving was the Vita. It's the worst possible. Anyway, I got to the Coliseum. Coliseum? Yeah.

Which one? The one in St. Martin's Lane, the home of the English National Opera. And there was a bit of a reception, we had to go to the airless room. All the ambassadors were out. Exactly, it was a bit like that. So the first man I met when I walked in, I'm a little bit still at this stage, still slightly intimidated by those because some very posh people in there. Anyway a man came up to me and said, nice to meet you, I'm the editor of the BMJ and

I thought you've started with a test haven't you? You've begun with a test, I have to know what the BMJ stands for. You would pass that I think. So I said oh the British Medical Journal and he went yes,. So I said, oh, the British Medical Journal. And he went, yes, yes. And I said, do you have an arch-rivalry with the Lancet? And he said, oh, you know the Lancet. I thought, yes, I have passed my test.

Now you can speak to me. Did you just very gently push him to the floor as part of your victory? No, that would have been wrong. Who's next? Any other acronyms in the room? I said to him, look, can I write an article about this idea of it for a sick bed? Oh, you did. Oh, hang on. I wouldn't surprise me if you would say that. The Skinner bed. It's a revolution. Did you like the man from the BMJ? He was fine, yeah. He was fine. Once I'd passed all my exams and he was prepared to speak to me as a near equal. It was lovely.

Do you still feel that there is an element of that, that you have to pass your entry exams? Those things, I feel a bit that they've got too many references that I don't have. Like Michael Portillo was there. Oh, I love, you know he's one of my faves. Well, I went past him, he stood up in the row and I said, Michael, do you know your jacket is clashing with your upholstered, because he had a red jacket on. Oh, Frank.

He took it, he went, oh yeah, sorry about that. He took it quite well. Okay, good. And when I saw him leaving at the end, he had like a flat cap and overcoat scarf like he was ready for the cold night. And I thought, isn't he just stepping into a cap? He hit the sidecar, did he? I thought, of course, you'll be getting the train. He's a big train. I never an opportunity miss for a bit of research. That's right. Yeah. Never not at work, Portillo. Anyway, here's a question. The opera was called Elixir of Love by, I think, Don Azzetti.

And the credits come up at the beginning on a big screen telling you. It's a weird thing. It said, original book by Ramadhani Peneletto or something like that and it said English translation Amanda Holden and I thought it couldn't be, could it? Could it possibly be Amanda Holden? Another string to her bow. I'm not too sure. What's happening? GK Chesterton's on I Am A Celebrity and Amanda Holden's translating Donna Zetti. It can only be a good thing.

Yeah, I mean it can't have been her can it? It might be. But who would keep that name? What are you suggesting? Well you'd change your name wouldn't you? Because she's so famous everyone's going to think it's... But then I suspect if you're in the business of translating reasonably I'm not saying it's obscure, but you know, it's not one of the big five this opera. I don't know... What are they gonna look? What's a buffalo?

South African big five opera. Yeah, a big five opera. If you're really lucky today we're going out We're going to see Carmen We'll see some La Boheme Marjorie Picardet? Safari opera guy see Carmen, we'll see some La Boheme, Safari Opera, a guy dressed like a little khaki shorts and a hat with bullets around the bridge. Welcome to Safari Opera. It's the Coliseum. Okay, did you enjoy the tour?

Bravo! Thank you, mate. Thanks, mate. Now don't startle Portillo. He will not eat again for five days now. Listen Frank I was gonna say, I sounded more aggressive than I intended, but this Amanda Holden who did this translation, I'm just suggesting that possibly, you know, she's from a different world. And she wouldn't know our Amanda Holden. She's in the country in some fabulous Iris Murdoch cottage, books up to her eyeballs. She doesn't know the likes of Alan

Carr and Amanda Holden. Do you think she'd see it as a sign of, she's, well I was here first, she wouldn't surrender her name. Well you're presuming she's older than our Amanda Holden, as I've started calling her. Can I tell you, Amanda Holden once sent me a fabulous bouquet of flowers on my opening night. Yes, I remember. At the Lyric Theater, Shaftesbury Avenue. Not the Lyric Theater.

What's happened to me? Anyway, listen, in this, the whole thrust of the opera is this bloke falls in love with this woman and then he becomes aware of an elixir of love. You know these sort of love potions? Oh yeah, I know. Like what you get in Harry Potter when the wrong person ate the chocolate. Someone else goes out with Lavender... Brown. Was that a name?

I think so. Lavender Brown. Make your mind up. It's a lovely combo. Yeah. Anyway, here's a question. If you fell for someone big time, would you, and you thought taking an elixir of love would make you irresistible, would you take it? To them? Yeah. Yeah. No. No.

No. No. Why? It would be artificial, right? Yeah, but you know, love is always a bit... Let's be honest, that's only the thing that lures them in is the looks initially anyway. As you've recently discovered.

Yes, exactly. I don't know if that was the only thing. Because everybody, I've said this before, I know, but once you get to, I'd say about 55, everyone looks like Arthur Scargill. It's just the way it is. It's a bit harsh. Pretty much. Yeah. It's true. I'm just going to say over 50 even. We all look like Arthur Scargill. Oh my goodness. But that's, listen know, I'm just gonna say over 50 even we all look like office cargo Goodness, but that's listen. I'm part of that demographic

Well, yes, I'm I'm deep deep into it. I think of Macbeth said I'm so deep in this too late to turn back I might as well go forward But that's a wonderful thing though, isn't it? Because it means that you know that relationship for example with, with Kath is based on things other than that. But most relationships are based on misunderstandings when you first fall in love. So it's interesting you say it would be artificial. Yeah, you'd have to, if you, would you not confess at some point?

I like it a bit. You said it's a bit of Zempik. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. You're not really, you're not putting in the mileage. Yeah, it's like steroids. It's like juicing. Yeah.

It used to be a big, when I was a young man, people would have that thing. If you could take a happy pill that would make you happy all the time, would you take it? No. Of course, we were in the West Midlands. We didn't know in London. They were taking it every night. This experiment was a real life thing.

Exactly. We thought it was this crazy fairy tale theory. Oh my. Anyway, look, I got today, I got, what is it, a WhatsApp? Is that what we're on? Yes. I've only just joined WhatsApp, so it's quite... I've given it its own... It's taken you about six weeks to reply to a message though.

Well, I've given... I didn't know. See, I didn't... I didn't set off the alerts. So these things were landing in my Instagram and I wasn't getting that, nothing like that. No, it's not your Instagram, the WhatsApp. WhatsApp, yeah. It's a different, entirely different thing. This really is. It's got nothing to do with Instagram. We're going to get kicked out of Spiritland at this rate.

Don't tell Spiritland. I was at a wedding with a mate and there was a bit, we were going out for food. I was going, where's the forks? Where's the forks? I go, I'm fine. He says, oh God, this is what you'll be like when you're like, where's the forks? Okay.

Anyway, yeah, so I got, I got, I put in a little distinctive now when I get a WhatsApp. So I got one from Pianavelli today. Oh lovely. Would you like to share? I would. I would love to. I got sent a DM, a direct message. Oh okay. What? Frank slide into your DM? I was going to ask if they were 15 lace hole. And what color the laces are, right? There's some code or... Oh, I didn't know that.

Yes, it's meaningful. Anyway. Anyway. Was it like the old hankie in the back pocket used to be a series of gay signals? Yes. Was it? Yes. I know that you shouldn't wear the red ones because that's skinheads, isn't it?

Anyway, that's not the point. The point is Ritual Studios on Instagram got in touch with me and said, just listening to the podcast from this week and the bit where we're talking about bread being hollowed out and made into lights. Yes, there was a lady who had worked in a bakery and she'd eaten the inside of a loaf of bread and left it on her windowsill. And when she saw the sun shining through that loaf, she had an epiphany. And she started a company that made things like baguettes, strip lamps, strip lights, yeah, stuff like that.

Bread-based lighting. Bread-based lighting. It brought back a memory from my youth. There was a band from Darlington called Anal Bakery. Let's presume they mean extremely pedantic bakery. Exactly. The same number of raisins in every scone. Can I have a sesame bond please? Well, they're not all sesame things. No.

Right. That's absolutely repulsive. What? We're on a birthday with Anil, they were. Oh, yes. Sure you are. Had to mention current bonds. They were a heavy metal band. Mixing.

It does not surprise. Yeah, they went to jazz trio called Anil Bakery and truly awful. Oh. Apparently. God, everyone's a critic. However the singer used to get a full-sized baguette, hollow it out. Brace yourself. When I was reading this I thought this next bit determines whether or not I sent it to Frank. Not too small for work. However the singer used to get a full-size baguette, hollow it out, and then shove an

SM58 microphone... Which is a microphone, right? Okay. ...into the top of it. Oh, wow. And that's singing into a... Scream into the baguette, yeah. That's pretty good.

It's a good idea. I wonder what it does to the sound to be coming through bread. Do you think there's a level of sort of vinyl connoisseur who will put on an anal bakery record and go, you can hear this was one where they had the mic in the bread. Do you think there's a level of sort of vinyl connoisseur who will put on an anal bakery record and go, you can hear this was one where they had the mic in the bread. Yeah. I can tell that was a croissant night. I can tell by the hint of staleness this could be take 37. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Like the Beatles documentary, all these long adverts with all the members of Anal Bakery about all the different brands they tried. I like the fact that we're just saying Anal Bakery like it's okay. I just hope they didn't get the eclairs out. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. The new winter change is blowin'.

It's the Frank Skinner Podcast. I'm not totally sure how it's goin'. Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via frankofftheradio at avalonuk.com.