The Frank Skinner Show - It's Gone Very Music Hall

Episode Date: March 30, 2026

Frank and Emily are joined by Milo Edwards. Frank has been for an unusual walk with Cath. Milo has had a sub-par weekend away which reminded Frank of his first experience glamping. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It's Frank Off the Radio, Frank Offo, it's the Frankskinner podcast, don't you know? This is Frank Off the Radio. I'm joined by Emily Dean and Milo Edwards. Follow the podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via Frank Offer Radio at Avalon, UK.com. And you can WhatsApp us on 7457, 417-4-17-7-6. The nine tickles me on that. Yeah.

You sound so gleeful and adorable. Yeah, it shows what AI can pull off. I'm not saying it is AI. People get touchy, but I fucking love AI. Well, you've got a lovely relationship with your chat GPT about science fiction, haven't you? I just like, yeah, because it's nice to have someone to talk to it. about science fiction, who doesn't say stuff like you say about it. What do you say to your friend on Chat GPT about science fiction?

I'm saying things like I'm reading Ursula K. Le Guin's left hand of darkness at the moment. What do you think? And what does it say? And I said, don't tell me anything past the first nine chapters. I haven't got that for you. And then they'll come in a lot of people thinking. It's a conversation. Ironically, it is quite science fiction to be talking to a computer about science fiction.

That's what I like about it. That's what people don't seem to get. There's something brilliant about that. You know, when you go to Premier Inn and there's no one on the desk, you're just pressing a screen. It's like, what's it called Minority Report? It's got that kind of feel to it. You could certainly predict a crime in a Premier Inn.

I use it mainly to solve sort of etiquette problems. I can't believe you have any etiquette. Your chat GPT's like William Hanson. Are a dreadful use of a fork there, Emily? No, it's more kind of things, awkward things with the neighbour or something. You know, where I just think, I don't know how to deal with this. What would you suggest? And it's so supportive.

I love it. Do you know what? ChatGPT is like... You should shaving foam their house, Emily. Yes. Well, that's a callback to something I did on Halloween once. Apologies to my then-neighors. Yeah.

I was telling Frank's nephew about it. and he enjoyed it. I find with chat GPT, Frank, it's like, you know, you won't know this, but there are certain girlfriends you have. And when you've... There's never been a girlfriend I've had who I could talk to about Ursula K. Kala, Gwyn's the left hand of dogs. There's very few human beings, to be honest, and there isn't one now.

But I found there's a certain type of girlfriend you have who you'll say, they'll say of the man who's just dumped your, who you split up with, the trouble is he was intimidated by you, or he couldn't handle his feelings. for you. So it's not very helpful but it's supportive. Sometimes chat GPT is a bit like that person for me. I sort of know I'm going there

for kind of confirmation and it will just say, look, you're absolutely in the right on this. Let's talk how let's talk about how right you are. I do think without wishing to sound like I'm trying to get on a bandwagon.

Yeah. I think that thing of blokes being with successful women, I think blokes do. struggle with it a bit. Do you? I went to, this weekend I went to, I went for a walk around a cemetery with my wife and an estate agent.

Daytime advertising's gotten to you. I'm looking for plots. Good to get in early. If you need an inner high gate cemetery. I don't fancy high gate. It's two left wing. So I... Full of grave robbers. They're after your body. There's some lovely George Michael's there, my entire family.

Well, George Michael was very left wing. Yes, he was. Frank's right. Litvin Yenko. Oh, sinking Karl Marx. Oh, you're right. Litvinenko as well. I think you could safely say that Karl Marx was quite left wing.

Yes, you're right, Frank. It looks like Father Christmas on the grave. Lovely. Anyway, back to Frank in the cemetery. So I went there for two reasons. One was to see Charlotte Mews Grave, who was a poet. Right. But, well, I lost the plot.

Oh. So I never found that. Apple Maps. Very good. Yeah. But I did find the other one I was after, which was Mary Lloyd's grave. Okay. And Mary Lloyd...

It was a musical. Yeah, very... I mean, a major musical star. Yeah. I was very excited. I did a little prayer, you know, comedians together. Also, she got a lot of stick. for being too rude.

She very famously sang that song. She sits amongst the cabbages and peas. I don't like the sound of this. Yeah, people... I don't carry it on, Frank. She had some good titles. There was one, hold on, I wrote this dad. There was one song she did called,

What's That For, right? And she'd never had her ticket punch. before. It sounds like the first few chapters of my memoir. Oh, man. So go on. Anyway, she was a massive start. But that thing we were saying about men being intimidated,

she was very badly treated by men generally. And I think one of the problems is that they were the plus one. And I think certainly turn of the century, being a plus one for a bloat was hard to take. It didn't go up. But there was one, she married one. He was a performer as well, but nowhere near her level. That's worse. Better to marry the bus driver.

Yeah. I don't know if Milo's out with a comedian, did? No, no, no, never have. So, someone said, he was so, her starred and drove him to drink a bit. It's conveniently skewed. Drove him to drink. Well, you know, he couldn't cope with how famous she was.

So the star is born. How much loved, yeah. And someone said, one of the people who wrote about it, said the thing is with him, he was a star who'd married a planet. Oh, that's good. It's good, isn't it? It is good. Stars are bigger than planets, though.

Oh, fuck off. Anyway. There's always one, Milo. That was a beautiful moment. Sorry, Milo. I was. I was next to it. But that's what happens. Milo takes the heart out of everything.

Oh, Milo. You're late for the podcast once. Mylo, why? Myel, why always with the excision? Yeah. Look, I'm a star on a podcast with the planet at the end of the day. Well, hang on, what's right then?

Stars are bigger. So hang on, the stars and planets, I'm getting confused. And where does Tim Peek feature in this? Oh, look, this was never meant to be an astronomical point. Another one of her songs I'm one of the ruins that Cromwell knocked about a bit Oh

I like that You're going to tell me You didn't knock any buildings Actually I think you'll find Cromwell I think you know well Another person is not very popular in Ireland I think it would be fair to say But it's very

When I read about the musical Which I do occasionally It does seem a wilder world than our comedy. Was it? Yeah. Who are the most? Flanagan and Alan were they musical? They were a bit post.

They were variety. But Vestatilly, who was a male impersonator. Okay. So it was a woman who used to wear a evening suit. Again, very massive. She used to do a song called The Piccadilly Johnny with the little glass eye. I think I dated him. Yeah.

It didn't go well. And she, performed in the Royal Variety performance. She was a male impersonator and Queen Mary, when she came on the stage, turned right the way around in her seat and looked behind her because she said she couldn't stomach seeing a woman in trousers.

She sounds like the editor of the Daily Mail. Anyway, I just brought that up. It was great. It was exciting seeing her grace. Yes, I can see that. Before you move on, was the good old days, good old days, Was that a reference to musical? Yes. Okay, that was a show on in the 70s.

Yeah, and they used to get the audience, had to dress in Victorian clothes. That was it, yeah. Right, okay. So the whole crowd was there with lamb chop whiskers and bonnets. In case Queen Mary turned up, so she wouldn't have a stroke. I was on Sunday nights in peak shoulder time, I believe, about 5.15. I bet the viewing figures were phenomenal.

Everyone watched it. And it was Leonard. Sacks was the master of ceremonies and used to use big words and the crowds used to cheer them. Oh wow. It was like the flip side of the only way

is Essex where ignorance is celebrated. Yes, it was like here for your certain edification. It was that kind of... Oh! Tupsichoreo! Maestro! Woo!

The crowd had gone, wow, big words. What they think of next? It was honestly like you... The reaction now are people jogging or say someone at a fireworks display. There weren't even, there weren't anything like the ones you were using week one. I was going to say this is that. That's like this podcast.

You could have been that. Yes, you could have. Frank and I like the audience in the good old days. Dressed like Victorians. We're like, well, we are Victorians, really. We're like Jude the obscure going, whoa. I like the fact that the working classes were sitting there. cheering the idea that Victoria in England was a good old day.

Where most of them were in the workhouse. You had a house, you had work. What's not to like? I think he got Don for impotuning in a lavatory. Oh, let's not go into that, Frank. Okay. If only someone had said that to him. As soon as I said that, I've regretted it.

Anyway, if you want to see... I'm going to have another go. I see if I can find Charlotte Mew. If you want to see Mary Lloyd's Gravis in Hampstead Cemetery. I know the very one. I haven't visited that one. I'll give it a go. What's your favourite cemetery, Milo, before we go?

My favourite cemetery? I don't really ever go to Cemetery. Okay. One of them. That's one of them? Yeah. What, like most people? A bit deadist.

Oh, I can't stand the dead. No. They're not very good conversationalists. Well, you say that? You need a good... You know, he's a good psychic. Yeah, maybe. Do you reckon that was how Scrooge felt?

He's like, I can't stand the dead. Keeping me up at night. You know. That's what, Harry O'Dini, the escapologist, when his mom died, he went to see about 50 spiritualists. Did he? Where's the garage key? Well, he was a magician.

What? Where's the garage key? The sort of thing that you would ask at someone who's died, you know, like he can't find something away. No, no, he didn't do that. So he was trying to get in touch with her. Well, he was, but he was also, because he was like a master magician, he'd go and they say, we hear a voice and he just say,

no, you've got you doing that onto the table, you've got one of those blocks. So he exposed dozens and dozens of spiritualists. He was like Dominic Littlewood for spiritualists. Or James Randi, I would have gone. James Randy, but I don't get a lot stuck in a lift with him. No, why? James Randy. Oh, I see.

I don't know who he is. I get what you're saying. You're thinking it's nominative determinism? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Carol Smiley. Don't get stuck to live with her. She's too upbeat. Doctor, no, isn't very negative.

As for Ron Moody. Gary Oldman. Yeah, well, he's growing into it, isn't he? Yeah, he's nearly there. At Desjardin, our business is helping yours. We are here to support your business through every stage of growth. From your first pitch to your first acquisition. Whether it's improving cash flow or exploring investment banking solutions,

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Sure, they'll process, predict, even get work done autonomously. But they don't dream, read a room, rally a team, and they certainly don't have shower thoughts, pivotal hallway chats, or big ideas. People do. And people, when given the best AI platform, they're freed up to do the fulfilling work they want to do. To see how ServiceNow puts AI to work for people, visit servicenow.com. When Westcham first took flight in 1996, the vibes were a bit different.

People thought denim on denim was peak fashion, inline skates were everywhere and two out of three women rocked the Rachel while those things stayed in the 90s one thing that hasn't is that fuzzy feeling you get when WestJet welcomes you on board here's to Westjetting since 96 travel back in time with us

and actually travel with us at westjet.com slash 30 years what else is it me I think we can hear from you I'd like to know what you've been up to I have two little bits of news go on the first thing is that I'm not going to be here

for a few weeks because I'm going to Australia on tour, which if you like this podcast and you're in Australia, you can come and see. Really? You're on tour.

You're travelling around. Yeah. Oh, I thought you were just doing the Melbourne Festival. You're going on... Where else are you doing? I'm a businessman, Frank. He's a businessman.

So you're doing that and a tour. Yeah, so I'm doing... Fantastic. Perth on the second. This is April. Any Sydney? Yes, so I'm doing Melbourne's 7th to the 19th. You're not actually going through all the lifts.

Well, there's only five. Isn't there a Milo Edwards FM, live F, well not FM. You mean like it, yeah, dot com? You can go to Milo Edwards.org.com. I will do there. Live shows and then you can find all those. Yeah, go on and nip over to Australia. Go to Sidney.

What about that girl I went to school with? And someone said, oh, you should talk to Emily, because she lived in Australia as well. When I arrived at school here and they said, oh, Emily, she lived in Australia. I said, oh, this girl, Vicky said she lived in Australia. I said, oh, where did you live? She said, oh, do you know, Sidney? How embarrassing?

She told them. It's just to the left of Sydney. But she'd been structured this line. I used to live in Topney, just at Bobby. But how embarrassing that she'd got away with it because there wasn't so much international travel then. You could sort of tell lies like that. And then I arrived and absolutely ruined it for her.

I'm thinking, Trisha. You were Sydney vicious. Yeah, and then I was like, whereabouts? I lived in neutral way. Go on. Trisha. Yeah, I've told you about Tricia before. A mate of mine had got a little sister.

I don't have a little sister. And I felt a bit, I thought, oh, he's talking about his little sister. I don't have anyone younger than me. Yeah. So one day, just out the blue, you know, when someone comes out of your mouth and you thought, oh, I wasn't ready for that, but it's been said now. I said, I've got a, he was talking about Tricia, me and Tricia went to blah, blah, blah. I said, I've got a little sister.

He said, have you? Never mentioned before? What's the name? Trisha? I just couldn't come up with anything. He said, what? You've never mentioned the fact you got the same. She's got the same note.

Oh. Oh. Oh. At least I didn't say Trisha. I did get the pronunciate. I was in the back of a car with this driver was saying, I said this, you know, and you say things like, what time do you finish the driver? Yeah, yeah, exactly.

I don't mean as a chat up line I mean just as something to say Oh I do assert as a chat up line I said to him so is this your last job He said no I've got to go to I don't know where he was from European and he said I've got to go to an air vent

somewhere in East London I said really Why? He's like in Diehardt It's like in Doctor Who when they escape I said it's a problem there.

I think it was a problem. They're just a bit low on drivers. Really? I thought, why? To do what? Anyway, I worked it out. It was an event. That was how he said it.

God bless him. But he also said, and this was different, because he used to drive for them. He said, I used to work for Uber. Uber. No, he said I was with them for five years. So he must have been. Uber.

Uber to people there, no one. I started to think, maybe I know. Maybe I've got it wrong. I've just come for the German thing. But maybe. Uber sounds, it's more personal. It's like saying you. Yeah.

It's actually better at Uber. It is. I might use it from now. Can we just make it happen? Better than getting an amoeba. It's got to go better than Koolston. Kulston is one of the worst initiatives. I mean, it just never took off, Frank.

Getting a Uber to Koolston. Anyway, you're Australia. Sorry, tell us more. My actual news is that I was, I went on a weekend away. Where did you go? To Kent. Because I think periodically you forget that going on a weekend away in the UK is shit. And you get tricked into it.

And my girlfriend was like, should we go on a weekend away? And I'm a yes and type of guy. So I was like, sure. And she got a heart set on like a little cabin type job. Oh, we love a cabin. ladies. Thornton's. Yeah.

Do you remember the shops? They used to be called Thornton's chocolate cabin. They were. Did they? Yeah. Chocolate cabin sounds like a euphemism. Oh, don't.

I know. You know, we've got to keep it posh now. Okay. Yeah. You're more of a hotel choccal-a type girl I can tell. I'm very hotel chattelotel. Absolutely. Oh, interesting.

So you went cabin? So, yeah. But then the selling point of the cabins. Frank, what have I told? You were going to keep a standard Well, you know, when you're away in England, you've got to fill the time. Let's keep the party. She lets you check into Hotel Shockeroy, you know.

Excuse me? Got no enough now. As Sky Masterson said, let's keep the party polite. Yeah, exactly. Okay. Also, this is BBC sounds. That's what I mean. This will have to be done over with a J-cloth and TCP.

I don't need those men from E. Much like that cabin. Much like that cabin. Meanwhile, back to Milo in his cabin. the selling point of these cabins is they come with a wood-fired hot tub. So you have to sort of stoke a like a log-burning stove. Oh, you know, I don't approve of those. It's the one thing I'm into, I campaign for that.

Wait, you don't like a hot top. No, I don't like the wood-burning. But anyway, that's very boring. I won't go into that. Yeah, Michael Burke used to do those, I think. Of course he did. When Tristan Takunia, you need one. A tenth of a log.

The Queen's 100th anniversary log. What have I just said? I just said, I just said, you've made it like that. No, I was very clear. I said, let's keep the party polite. And did you? No, you didn't.

Anyway, you went into her cabin. Frank? Well, not a, I never said chocolate. I never said chocolate. I see what you're doing. I'm not doing anything. It was just a cabin. It's more of an introductory offer.

After March the 31st, I'm afraid. He's going to have to upgrade. It's going to be £199 to get in there. He goes from main auditorium to arena. Aye. Yeah. Well, I was, yeah, I was trying to stoke a hot tub in fact. Right, now come on.

Now it's gone too far again. Basically, right. It's very musical. Murray-Ly. I would love this. For your subtle notification. Yes. These cabins, right, they are, they cost

twice as much as the equivalent nice hotel room with a spa would be. Well, this is the thing. Because I'm a Hotels.com man. I get the good deals. I'm saying a lot. Of course you are your businessmen. Frank, in fact, I think he checks into the business floor. Have you ever been to the business floor in a hotel?

They have a business floor for businessmen. What's good about knowing my love? I'm scratching around a bit, but I've thought of something. Question mark, end of sentence. Is that for years, when I've bought a Sunday paper, I've thrown away the business section. Now I can bring it in and knowing it will not be wasted. Yeah, bloody hell.

I'm going to check up on the Nicky. So anyway, you prefer the business floor. You need your fax machine nearby. So anyway, she thought the cabin would be more... How are you with living? I love to live. The living section. The living section, yeah.

Oh, I'm straight with lifestyle. I'm all get rid of all those. World. What about lifestyle? What about it? Do you mean? When you see living? Tristan de Konya.

I'm not interested. When you see living, you mean lifestyle. No, there is one called living. Living. I like lifestyle and culture. Okay. But you approve? You're in the dying section.

You're there with developer shoes. He's got plenty of life in him. What else is? Anyway, let's get back to him in the cabin. Anyway, so we got the cabin, but it was like twice the price that a hotel would have been. Also, can I say one of the business ones is just called money.

Oh yeah. In the Sunday paper. Like bull's eye. It is, yeah. People won't know what business is. Yeah. Sorry, they cover gold sovereigns and Pink Floyd. Yes.

Anyway, so we. So we turn up. Obviously, and you know whenever it's one of these, I actually did book it through a hotel's website, but it's like an Airbnb type gaff. Get money off? I think maybe a slight discount. I think maybe a slight discount.

I thought a little bit. Oh, it's that Yergan Klopp at reception. What, do you buy $2.49 quid for that? You've got to stock. You've got to pay $144. Never mind that, Yerke. What's happened to your teeth, for God's sake? Yeah, definitely.

Let's get the real headlines. And weren't you bald in the two tens? Why didn't you send me a postcard from Turkey? You seem to be spending a lot of time there. You don't want clopping your chocolate, Gavin. Anyway, so I turn up. I've told you. He's a Red Bull ambassador, didn't I?

Oh. Yeah, there you go. That's why he's at the hotel. He can't sleep. Has he slept for two years? He's got wings. He can't sleep with those teeth. His wife can't sleep.

Can you please get back to the cabin? Yeah, we turn up. The hot tub is stone cold, and there's like a laminated instruction card. saying the hot tub takes three hours to heat up of constantly stoking the fire. Like it's giving, you have to do stuff to it like every 20 minutes. And I'm like, right, and it's like one of these things like, you know, you can text this number in case of emergencies, but otherwise you're on your own type

gaff and I'm like, 200 pound a night. Let's, anyway, so I like, I like, I like, I like the fire's gone down a bit. I chuck some more fuel in it. We burn, they've given us like an amount of fuel there, like this is the amount you need to heat up the top tub. So I burn all of it. By the time it's all burnt, the hot tub is still stone cold. So I'm like, right, that's crap. And then my girlfriend's like, right, I'm going to have a shower instead because I'm a bit cold. She gets in the shower. After two minutes, the hot water goes cold. And we're like, right, so we're dealing with this in the morning. So we get up in the morning and we make a coffee and there's an espresso machine and they've given us three

coffee pods. Bearing mind there's two of us and we're staying for two nights. I'm like, what a baroque amount of coffee pods to provide. And so we text the woman. You text her. It's very modern. Yeah. And then And she turns up, and she's some kind of Western European. Like I was getting a Belgian vibe off of her. And she turns up, which I wasn't expecting. And then she's telling us that, you know, we lit the hot tub all wrong, and that's why it didn't get hot.

And like, oh, that's very weird about the shower. Have you considered leaving a gap between when you both have a shower? And I'm like, no, it went cold during the first shower. Oh, she was victim blaming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I was like, oh, can you also, can you give us an extra coffee pod? because there's only, there's two nights and we've got three coffee pots

and she's like, she's like, the coffee pods are only for arrival. If you want more coffee pods, you have to buy. And I'm like, introductory offer? Yeah. You should take advantage. You'll never guess what that cost makes me. But imagine you arrive and then you have two of the coffee pods

and there's that one sitting there. Oh, no, do I have to give it to her? Or do I, can I just take it? Yeah. And then I'm sort of like, this is £200 pound a night and you're nickel and dime in me about like an 8P coffee pot. I don't want to go and buy 20 coffee pods for a coffee machine I don't have.

She picked the wrong wolf of Wall Street to mess with. She didn't know what she was getting into. You don't get it at the Radisson. If you want another coffee pod, they just bring you one. And that's £150 a night. You know what I mean? He knows the prices. These people take the piss.

What did it happen in the end? Did you remonstrate? Well, we'll see in court. Well, this is the other problem. It's because we're all sort of polite millennials. I'm guessing like it's Trump and the BBC. He's going to take her to the ends of the... We're going to, there's not enough coffee pods, okay?

It's a pathetic amount of we're looking into it very strongly, okay? What is it going to be Edwards versus Kent cabin woman at the old Bailey? She's some kind of immigrant. They're coming over here, okay? They're overpricing their cabins. They don't... The hot tubs, they don't heat up, okay? So did you take things further?

Did you just accept that it was less than ideal? Well, so she turned out, and I realised why she came around in person because she realised she could kind of intimidate us by just standing there and just going, oh well, you know, the shower, it does go cold. And then because we're both sort of polite millennials, you know, we're quite tough over text. Like, you know, this is some standard.

But then when she's there, we're kind of like, okay. And then she basically... I don't think it's that you're polite millennials. I hope you don't take this the wrong way. We'll soon find out. Good luck everyone. I think it's because your generation's slightly. fear, contact, personal human contact more.

Apparently there have been lots of surveys like millennials, they won't speak to their neighbours. See, I would have phoned the woman, not texted her. Okay, yeah. Well, you'll have an audio medium, that's why. Yeah, I've certainly got on very well with Russell Grant. Is he still with us? I do hope so.

I don't think he is. No, he is, isn't he? Well, he's a medium, so if he isn't with us, he'll be half. He'll have one foot in. Do you reckon? I think he is still with us, Frank. I don't think he is. but I hope you're right.

He did. He used to follow me on social media. Remember after I went to his show in Edinburgh? Oh, you know, I remember, yeah. Yeah. He was, you know, he was one of the... He was one of the greats. The star media.

Oh, the waistcoat wearing grades. Was that an astrologer, I believe, that's called? Still with us. We've had... Literally, the producers... Look, gave us a double thumbs up when I saw Russell Brown. Tremend, I'm very glad to hear that.

Well done, Russell. Bylow, as we know, despises the deceased. Still alive. at 75. Still alive at 75. Well, he's in my good books for now, but we'll keep it under review. Yeah. And then basically, so we were saying, well, we want another box of fuel for the hot tub.

So she did bring one of those. But what are you, some little Dorrit? Chris is Carol, please, sir, we need another box of fuel. Who asks for that? And at the last day, she shouted at the window. Hey, boy, go get a turkey. Here's the money. What is it boy?

She was quite screwed like. I hope she's being visited by a series of ghosts, whatever the appropriate Belgian ones would be. Did you have to pay for the box of fuel? It's not something I order frequently. So, here's the thing, right? I think there's Hotel Chocolaris, Belgian, isn't it?

Oh, it might be. Well, they do love an introductory over the Belgians. But so then we discovered that they charge for the boxes of fuel. So she gave us one for free because the hot top hadn't heated up. Of course they do. It's Victorian Britain. But the thing is, they should give you one. per night because you get one if you're staying one night for free but then the second night

you're on your own it's like well I've paid another 200 quid so give me another box of fuel for the hot tub which is a bent which is why it costs yeah because if it was an electric hot tub you wouldn't be charging me for the electricity to keep it warm but you know they're they're landlords the Airbnb people they're not hoteling we're getting the telling off yeah that this woman should have got well I hope she listens I am feeling like we're like the innkeeper and his wife it's like I'm going to I'd go and buy a big luck on a bike-shaped punch bag on the way home to get you out of my sister. So then she upsold us because then my girlfriend's going, well, maybe we'll need it.

Oh, he's not done. Maybe we'll need a third. I think he's not done? No, upsold. What does that mean? No, upsold. I first heard that expression from George Lamb. I was in Soho House and they came over to give us some food and he said, well, what about this?

The waiter said, you should have this is the lamb. And he went, yeah, don't try and upsell us that. And then I asked him, and he said, well, you explain Milo because I don't want to. Well, it's where they try and sort of upgrade you to something more expensive. Often that they're trying to get rid of it and offload it on you. So they'll upsell. You know, I'll tell you what upselling is specials. All specials on restaurants tend to be upselling.

We want to get rid of these things. Have you tried the specials? You know, and they say that to you? Have you seen our specials menu? What I'm thinking is if you buy a pair of shoes at one point, if you bought shoes, someone would try and sell you like, shoe polish or suede treatment. And that really would be upsold.

I see. You buy a shoe in there like, do you want the other one on that? Do you want the souls? Anyway. Can we say we realise we have listeners who don't want the other one? And you have our love and respect. So anyway, yeah. And then so I, she basically convinces my girlfriend to buy a third box of fuel in case we need it on the basis that she won't be around.

the following day. I was going to say, that was a bit bleak. And to give her 10 pounds in cash. And then she says, I'll refund you if you don't use it. And then we didn't use it. And I texted her. And I said, we didn't use that box of fuel. And she's aired the message.

She's like, I've got there 10 pound in cash. Well, she's left you on red. Yeah, she's left me on red. Wow. I don't know. I don't know about this. It's got a good King Wancers last filter. Gathering winter fuel.

Was it the Feast of Stephen? Yeah, perhaps. Well, I'm sorry, I've had some, the last time, do you remember when I went so-called glamping? And it said shower and toilet. Ooh, that is glamorous. What I didn't realize that when the show was on, you had to sit on the toilet. It was above the toilet. That's not something Michael Burke would advertise on daytime television.

You sat on the toilet being showered. I mean, I've done that before, but not. with an actual shower. They were charging by the hour. And it was, I couldn't believe it. And I mean, a tiny, you couldn't sit slightly to one side. You couldn't go side, knee. Oh, wow.

You had to sit in the middle. That was because of how much room you had, and you just put the shower on and you just, everything got wet. I mean, you know, you can wipe a toilet down easily enough. I've done it many a time. Did it make everything feel, how can I put this? How do you say, cleaner? Do you know what I mean?

Did it make things feel quite sanitised? It meant it feel like you're shitting in the rain. I don't know if you remember that old song. A glorious feeling. I'll think I might try a nappy again. Yeah, but that was so, you know, and that was called glamping. I don't know what the glam was short for.

No. Glamorgan. I think that's the thing with these cabin in the woods, people in the glamping. I won't ever do it. I've never done it and I never will. Never say. Oh, I will say never.

That's my Bond film. Because I know it will promise everything and deliver nothing. Oh, well, I mean... For me, Frank. Not for you, for me. The hardship is not worth the experience. Okay, yeah. For me.

You don't want a wet toilet experience. No. No. Can I say I wasn't actually like doing toilet when I was on it. I was just using toilet. How old are you? You know, we've back to, I've got a sister called Trisha. Elvis, when you go to Graceland,

they made a decision early on not to open the upstairs where he died and that in the bedroom. Why just for taste reasons? But in the shower, he had a black faux leather armchair that he sat in under the shower. Which had got quite a lot of mildew. Well, it must be. He was in the shower, yeah. Why did he sit in the shower? Because he was a big lad at that point.

I think when he was gone up, he was still, because he was heavily sedated to sleep. Did he sleep in the shower? No, he didn't sleep in the shower. But then the Memphis Mafia was the nickname of his associates. They'd drag him into this armchair in the shower. And then he would wake up sort of in the shower, if you know what I mean. Who's your Memphis Mafia? I think it would be...

I don't have her Memphis. Your mother-in-law, Sandy Mason. David Bade. That's what mine is like. And after winning playwright Jack Thorne. In Edinburgh, I once shared a hot tub with six women. And I think the average age was 58. That sounds like a great night.

Yeah, it was more of a ragu. I've told you, we keep the standards. You were forming a sort of stock. Yeah, a milf stock. We've only been in too long. Yes. For broiling. Gotta be so careful

As above so below As above so below That's a cool at your mother-in-law Oh man Well listen I'm sorry the cabin in the woods didn't Well did it turn in the end Looking back Did you turn it round

Looking back That's not a stitchback question What I was talking about earlier We made the best of it And we did get the hot tub hot eventually But I think the sort of the But then it was time to go home. The experience of being, like, mugged off by someone providing the service really ruins it for me.

He's not mugged off. I am from Essex, Emily. I hide it well. Do you know, I always forget that. I'll take it as a compliment. But, yeah, there is something about it. When they come and they're doing this snide, like, the coffee pods are for arrival as though, like, you're a tight-ass for wanting the correct amount of coffee pods for the length of the stay.

It's a shame, right? I was thinking about this other day that people think it's okay to constantly be trying to twist you out of something or deceive you or take money from you. I blame traitors. It's made that thing that that's an admirable quality in people. Yeah, I don't approve of it. Yeah, quite right.

Listen, I should say, have a fantastic time in Australia at Miami. And if you're in Australia and you're near a Milo Edwards gig, you should definitely go. Yes. Thank you. The next episode of, I ain't reading these trailers out for Friday a dash. Because when it says what we're talking about that week,

it's always more interesting than what we've just talked about. Thanks for your support. It's just a massive burn on me. It's so rude. It's so rude. I'm so sorry. I think it's more about my decline. Anyway, that's better.

The next episode, I haven't got there yet, it might be rubbish. Well, that's true. Let's hope. The next episode of Frank Skinner's. Radio Days is out on Wednesday. We're in 2013. Yeah. This time we're talking about, I'm on edge now.

Oh. What age you should no longer high-five. No, I was right. It's better than, better than one. We've been talking about it. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. A new winter change is blowing. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. I'm not totally sure how it's going.

Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via Frank Off the Radio at Avalonuk.com.