The Frank Skinner Show - Labels

Episode Date: February 10, 2025

In this episode Frank has a bottle gripe and has spotted something in THAT queue. Pierre’s appeared on Pointless and there’s correspondence from the Outside World. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey Spotify, this is Javi. My biggest passion is music, and it's not just sounds and instruments. It's more than that to me. It's a world full of harmonies with chillers. From streaming to shopping, it's on Prime. TD Direct Investing offers live support. So whether you're a newbie or a seasoned pro, you can make your investing steps count. And if you're like me and think a TFSA stands for total

fund savings adventure, maybe reach out to TD Direct Investing. It's Frank off the radio featuring him and that posh lady-o and the one with the French name from South Africa came. They're all here open brackets, hooray! Close brackets today. Oh brother James have you heard the decree? Lily Bolero bullin' a lot. That you shall have a new deputy. Lily Bolero bullin' a lot. Everybody! Lero, Lero, Lily!

Okay. Please yourselves. This is Frank off the radio I'm joined by Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli follow the podcast on X and Instagram you can email the podcast via Frank off the radio at Avalon UK calm not bad Lovely. Not bad. Not bad for my age. I like your self-review. Not bad. Can I ask you guys a question? Which maybe I should have run by you before the way people do when they're professional. I like things. I like it real mad. Mention it all. Okay. Do you have a themed calendar at home? Before you answer that, while you think it over, can I say, okay

environmental issues are important but this new thing of having tops on bottles that remain connected to the bottle, all it means is like I'm drinking an invigorate. Can we just say this isn't a reed either? No. He's just literally... No, I'm complaining about it. And it's like, it's one of the green smoothies. One of the greens?

You know, you want it greeny coloured. It's the colours you pick them up. Talk about them like they're neighbours. And what happens is you onto the top and then it sits on the side like a bird feeder. Yeah. And you get a bit of the green smoothie and so when you have a drink you're very aware of that dripping onto your clothing. Or dabbing a bit on your nose.

Yeah, or scratching the side of your face with its sharpness. It's like... Terrible idea. It's a dreadful idea. The connected bottle top is one of the worst things that's ever happened. Do you know where they don't have to suffer like this? Why? Switzerland.

What do you mean? The lids just come off still. See? A paradise. It's like when I went to Germany and there was a man smoking a pipe at Hotel breakfast Terrible, but I'm glad it's happening is what I thought I can't bear those plastic What are they like sort of weird ashtrays or something? It's it scratches your mouth. I hate it. Yeah I feel there's a pettiness to them as well And I've noticed there is a plague now because there's a number

of women, it's awful, going around with makeup on and it scratches, it scrapes off the makeup, they've all got the mark of shame. Oh, I'm sure, that's even worse. Oh, it's dreadful. So they've got little drink wounds. I've tried to drink it so that the lid's at the top but then it just like covers the nose and maybe on Red Nose Day they could bring out some smoothies with red tops that you drink and...

And they sort of pop off on your nose after you've had a sip. Something like that. Something like that. I haven't thought it through. I'll be straight with you. I had a conversation with my brother-in-law and he said the one of the... Is this lovely Jack? Yeah. And said that one of the... Is this Lovely Jack? Yeah, and he said one of the great inventions...

I don't know if you put a time date on it, he said of all time, was Deliveroo. I'm surprised Lovely Jack would say that. Would you buy into that as a great invention? I don't really use Deliveroo. I wouldn't say it's an invention so much, is it? Or does he mean the app? Because the idea of takeaways is hardly... Oh no, no, but it's the idea that you've gathered together all the available takeaways and put them into one.

One, the head of one sort of mega union of bicyclists. I'd be reluctant to call anyone who's essentially just a middleman and is performing almost the role of the estate agent, I don't like calling them the greatest invention because I feel there's something a little bit leechy about them. Where's your creativity? You're not making the food. Yeah. Well they do know actually they have strange delivery hearts don't they? You can have they make their own food sometimes. I think what they've done is they've contributed to what I believe Marshall McLuhan called

the global village. Yes. Is that you've made the world smaller by saying we'd like this food but we don't have to phone them. Right. Deliveroo will just, they'll bring whatever we want. They'll figure it out. Look, we're not advertising Deliveroo.

We're not. I don't use Deliveroo because I think if I did, I'd be clinically obese and we'd have to get the crane out yeah so I don't do that but you know I mean what I said my argument for the greatest invention of all time is labels on the backs of clothes okay because I get dressed in the dark quite a lot. Why? It's really handy. Why do you get dressed in the dark? It's so depressing. Because I get up early in the winter.

Do you not have lights? What have you, medieval present? I know, but you know, the trouble is I don't have any curtains on my room, so if I put lights on I'm like... You're a millionaire! That could be the end of my career. It's the perspective of quite a subterranean man. Anything that helps me in the dark, I appreciate.

Bar, not only that. Blowworms. I love callots. No, but no, in the same light of terrible inventions as the attachable top, is people have started printing on the back of t-shirts so you don't have a label you can feel in the darkness. But I've got to be honest and I say this with great love and you know what usually follows that. Yeah exactly I'm covering my genitals with both my hands ready for the kick.

I just feel it would be quite a small market you'd be aiming that at because most of us We'd have the electric light and we use it. So we don't need to find things. So why do they put labels on the back then? For the blind Maybe. What about the blind? How are they supposed to know which way around their t-shirts are? That is a good point actually. Yeah, thanks.

But nevertheless. I think I've won. I wouldn't keep with it. Oh no. You're going to try, this is going to be your anti-blind argument. No, no, no, my friend. You were specifically talking about the fact that you don't, I want to know why do you not turn the light on? Do you want to save money?

I've told you I don't. I have a lot of window itch and I don't have any curtains. I like to be woken up naturally by God's light. Okay. Can I tell you by the way, just to bookmark that. I went to church last week and it was the presentation, which is when Jesus was presented in the temple. Oh, that all went bad, didn't it? When he was... Didn't he get...

So there was a baby. Oh, okay. I thought when he was angry with them, he got... And, no, no, no, that was in the... The money lenders. Yeah, no, that was much later. The loans people, yeah. That was when the trestle tables went over. Oh, yeah.

We've all been to weddings like that, wasn't we? We've all been to harvest festivals like that. Anyway, and the priest said, he said, now in France, he said, in Catholic countries, this is a big festival, the visitation, he said, in France there would be a, probably parade, an enormous Virgin Mary or something of that nature through the streets and then everyone would eat crepes. He said they'd just eat loads of crepes. He said, but we live in a grey Protestant country where all the fun has been taken away. And then he said, let's face it, the Reformation ruined everything.

Frank, he sounds, and I hope this is taken by him in the right way, like the ecclesiastical equivalent of a bit of a git. And I love him for it. Well, I think it's, you know, I think it's... I like it. I'm not saying he's wrong. The unfiltered priest could be his book title. We had a priest the other week. Don't worry guys, I'm not going to go on about priests. Why don't you just trust me? Sorry, just talking to the listeners.

We had a priest who represented a Roman Catholic radio station. Oh, what's it called? We had a priest who represented a Roman Catholic radio station. Oh, what's it called? It's called Radio Maria. And check it out. And he said, his main thing was, I'll tell you what he did, he broke my rule. He said I got this radio station and then he read out some praise that he'd had. Oh what was, how did he read the praise? You know, sort of, I love your show, it's so brilliant.

Oh no! Oh don't do that. Did you wag your finger and say pride? Yeah exactly. Pride! And they all looked round and got pitchforks and I said no, not the event. I'm saying that you're you. Oh, it's a difficult Catholic public announcement. It's very difficult. I watched that film and I enjoyed it.

Hold on, I haven't finished yet. So he said, I want to have a radio station that plays music that's uplifting and is a good influence on people. He said that's what he said not like your your modern-day nihilistic music like Nirvana. I thought well don't speak ill of the dead father. Blimey. Also try not to be too up to date. Exactly! Nirvana! 35 years ago! That's the last depressing song I heard. What about Tim Swim?

What's he called? Teddy Swim. Teddy Swim. What about Edward Swimmer? Tim Swim! What about David Swimmer? I like that you've given Teddy Swimmer this very cool Tim Swim. You've made him sound like he works for accounts in a direct line.

Tim Swim would be the sort of safety leaflet character in a British pool. Just do what Tim Swim does. He always blows the whistle. What do they call those things? Public information films? Tim Swim says no running or heavy petting. And always wear your armbands. Tim Swim Frank. I've got a Tim Swim themed calendar. I'm bringing it back.

I'm bringing it back to my original. See that? See that? I can't get over it. Tim Swim. Did they do that on Absolute Radio? Not anymore. Okay.

You'll hate to see who's doing Saturday mornings on Radio Maria. Yeah. Richardson's converted just to get the gig. Oh, no. If they're scratching around for Catholic comics, they're going to have thin gruel indeed. Who are the Catholic comics from? Oh, let's not go into that because they'll all say, well, I was brought up Catholic. Oh, is that what they say?

Do you not trust them when they say that? I'm not go into that, because they'll all say, well, I was brought up Catholic. Oh, is that what they say? Do you not trust them when they say that? I'm not interested in that. OK. At least we know where we stand. Not too well in the past, that's my advice to them. No, let's talk about Kurt Cobain, like your priest. So have you got a themed...

Well, you can guess what my themes are. In fact, I think, I don't know if someone from the radio show, I think Kathy Mason might have got me this made before, I can't remember. She's not from the radio show, she's my partner. She's an autobus, she's extended family. I have had a calendar, come on you can guess what the theme would be. Fashion, dogs. Yes, of course. But have you got it on the wall? Dog breeds of the world. Dog breeds of the world? I believe it's called. I like of the world they had to specify that. Is there a Passam Bush on it? None of your business. No.

I don't think that's a real dog but it's the sort of thing that I hear people say in Hampstead. Oh ours is a Passam Bush. What are you talking about? What kind of a dog name? I've never heard of that. No I've made that one. Do you know my favourite?

But they've got names like that. I'm happy to believe it. Don, I've made that one. Do you know my face? I was happy to believe it. Don't expect me to actually remember them. He's absolutely right. I saw one the other day and I said, excuse me, is that a papillon? And the woman said, absolutely, well done. Because I knew it.

But that's a butterfly. No, but it's also a dog, a papillon. Have you not seen a papillon? I've seen a butterfly. Not on a lead. I'll give you that. The dog is called a papillon because the ears seen a butterfly. Okay. Not on a lead. I'll give you that. The dog is called a papillon because the ears stick up like butterfly ears. Okay. You're looking at me very blankly. There is a picture of the queue

for Bonnie Blue which I saw online. You're obsessed. How did you see this online? Because when it was brought up at a middle-class dinner party and I hadn't heard of it, they obviously they they were brave enough to Google Bonnie Blue but they didn't get anything, I don't think you get anything free and rude from Bonnie Blue but this was a photo of the queue you know it's mainly students. Well they've all got those socks on. But at the end, it's what distinctly looks like Donkey is against the wall at the back and I thought, whoa! Bottom? Exactly. It comes straight from the RSC. Sorry, we had to imagine it as well today. It's been a heavy day. Yes, and does this wall Contain the genitals of a first year math student

Really look at look at Bonnie blue's cue Okay, it's just the queue. It's not her. And there's definite donkey ears at the back. Do you follow anyone on OnlyFans? Of course not. Okay. What do you think the small talk's like in that cue? Have you come far? Can you, do people follow people on? Yeah, that's how you make your money. It costs to get updates. I'll be straight with you, it sounds, I don't want to judge other people but it sounds squalid What the whole concept of only fans? Yeah, I don't think you're sticking your neck out too far I think I agree with you. Someone told me I think this might have cropped up at the same dinner party that I was like minded people Some like-minded friends of mine they said there was some

Acceptable content on They try they've tried to put comedians on there I was off I can I can honestly say I was offered money by only fans to join their website I was yeah, but they because they worried about the fact that it is all just porn Yeah, whereas there's a website that does the same thing as OnlyFans Patreon, but they say no porn. Okay. So I think OnlyFans thought what if we get something that isn't porn? Like we thought we when we started our business. So Lily Allen for example was urged to put her feet on there because her stylist said to her you have beautiful feet

and there's a big feet thing on there and you don't have to do anything. You just put pictures of your feet and then then we'll send you money Yes, but I went to on a similar theme I Went to a live reading of the John Keats poem the eve of st. Agnes And there's the same people in the queue

Hi guys like and subscribe. And calm me down if the dog-queue wasn't there. It was... Was it monetized? Well, yeah, we had to buy. And it was at Keats' house, where he lived in Hampstead. Oh, Keats. Keats.

Keats. Not our Keead. Oh Keith! Keith! Not our Keith. Our Keith! I'm not going to go to a 40 minute reading by a poem by our Keith. You see that's the difference between us, I would. How many rhymes for beer are there? Anyway, so yes I went to Keith's house and we said... You said Keith there, you mean Keats? Keats! Alright, calm down! John Keats. I know John Keats.

So he lived in this house. It's a beautiful house, isn't it? It is. I mean, he only lived in half the house. But anyway, that's not the point. Oh, amazing, eh? And there was a live reading and it was packed, a load of people went and we listened to it. And it was red.

Well there were a lot of dorm book bags. Well it was red, there was some. It was red at that time because the eve of St Agnes is I think 20th of January but they got it a bit late. They missed the actual day. Okay. But it was great. But yeah, he lived in half the house and in the other house lived

the Braun family, including Fanny Braun, who he fell in love with. He was the brain. Not quite true actually, she was very smart woman. Is that the poem with the the sighing beadsman? Yes. Yes. The sighing beadsman, exactly the sighing beadsman exactly who dies in ashes at the end oh god I've given the bloody end in a way. Spoiler! Oh man. Hey guys if you want to find out what happens afterwards like and subscribe hit me up. No but you reminded me of it because you talked about Lily Allen's lovely feet. Yes, but he in a letter described Fanny Braun's feet as tolerable Wonder what that was

Hollerable and then there's a letter by her Afterwards after he died, you know, he died lucky was 25. Yeah, was it consumption tuberculosis? Yeah And he died and so years later she wrote a letter to a friend she said look him back I think I overrated him a bit. I thought I suppose that's true of every ex he looked back on isn't it? Oh yeah. They were a bit overrated. What did she mean as a writer, a person? No, well, she said as a person I think she said as a person and as a writer Many have defended and said she didn't mean that when she said she'd overrated him, but I can't find a way around it

I'll be straight with you. So she gave him a very bad TripAdvisor review. I suppose she did Yeah, I mean he was dead and he never read it. He had the last laugh really. Yeah. He's the famous one. He's the big name but she gets a lot of you know connection fame. You don't get so many fannies these days. His sister was called Fanny as well and the two Fannies became inseparable. Luckily I know a good surgeon. I used to love watching the two Fannies at Christmas. I'd do the repeats.

But I'm not on OnlyFans anymore. Oh my! Oh man! This episode is sponsored by Shopify. Do you ever feel like you're missing out because it seems like everyone is either starting a side hustle or becoming their own boss. And you know what they're hearing a lot? It's the sound of another sale on Shopify,

the all-in-one commerce platform to start, run and grow your business. Shopify is the commerce platform revolutionizing millions of businesses worldwide. Whether you're selling succulents or stilettos, flaky salt or fine art prints, Shopify simplifies selling online and in person so you can successfully grow your business. Covering all your sales channels from a shop

front ready POS system to its all-in-one e-commerce platform, Shopify even gets you selling across social media marketplaces like Facebook, Instagram and TikTok. Full of the industry leading tools ready to ignite your growth, Shopify gives you complete control of your business and your brand without learning new skills in design or coding. And thanks to award-winning help and with an extensive business course library, Shopify is ready to support your success every step of the way. What's lovely about Shopify is that no matter how big you want to grow,

Shopify will be there to empower you with the confidence and control to take your business to the next level. It's time to get serious about selling and get Shopify today. This is Possibility, powered by Shopify. Sign up for a £1 per month trial period at shopify.co.uk slash Frank, all lowercase. Go to shopify.co.uk slash Frank to take your business to the next level today. Shopify.co.uk slash Frank. Well Frank you'll remember I was offered a part in Funny by Gaslight. Oh yes. And then I turned it down for Dave the Triffids. It was a huge regret of mine that. Really? It seems like the right choice.

Really? Oh yeah, definitely. David Triffids has lived on. Yeah, but only because you're weird sci-fi people. Yes. Yes, that's true. It's died out though as a name, Fanny. Do you think it's lost out because of its sort of slang? Yes.

The connotations perhaps. Because there was Kranach, of course, wasn't there? Fanny Bernie. That, Fanny Burnie. That was before we knew about Cranbridge use. No Fanny. Frank you've told me about Fanny Burnie before and I don't want to go down this road again because I know where she lived and you told me. Anyway. Okay.

Here's the thing. I went to, now I had to look you know I've got like a jingles board here, and I looked on it, but the jingle I wanted Simply isn't there so I'm gonna see if I can find one online Okay, okay, so I went to the theater last week and I went to see a thing called, do you know this play? It's called The Invention of Love. Oh.

Yes. I'm thinking of The Invention of Lying, Mickey Gervais. No, The Invention of Love is a play, I'm going to risk this, you ready? It's a play about a houseman. Shut up! Hold it. Oh, it's a stupid advert. Every bloody thing you put on has got adverts at the front of it. Hold on a minute. Not that that's a bad thing. I mean it's a good thing the advert, it's a nice ramp.

And also you learn all about all sort of helpful services. Anyway, A.E. Houseman. You sounded so like Vince Charles when you said that. Every bloody thing. It's a play about A.E. Houseman. Oh in the old days when people helped me. What does that mean? We had a jingles board and I would press the jingles board and A.E. Houseman, if you remember, would go... ...and it had happened because we had Tim Key on, I think, on the show, the radio show this was, years ago. And I was telling him that A.E.

Houseman said that he would go out, have a couple of pints, and as he walked back, he stands as a poet who would just fall off him like windfall fruit caused by the drink. And when I said A.E. Houseman there was some technical problem and the sound desk went, and I said that's the A.E. Houseman alarm and it became a thing on the show. So I went to see this play about A.E. Houseman by Tom Stoppard and Kat said to me, are you out tomorrow night? And I said, yeah, I'm going to Hampstead Theatre. And she said, oh, is that the Pig Iron play?

And I said, what? What? And Pig Iron was a thing on the show. I used to say it on the show today. I'd say a couple of things that I'd say and we got pig iron, we got all pig iron which is from an old Lonnie Donegan song and she'd got the A Houseman siren mixed up with that so I was gonna see a play about pig iron. This is like some sort of incredible black country industrialization heritage play. Exactly. Big musical number about making all the locks. So I sat next to Jeremy Irons.

Oh, fabulous. Well, you know I'm obsessed with his actor boots. Do you know Jeremy Irons? No, but thanks for the tip. Yeah, I take a basket around every Thursday. No, he's a real new man on that front. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, I was very excited. I adore Irons. So I went to the theatre on my own, which is always a terrible... I hate the intervals when you're on your own. You look like an Edward Hopper, lonely figure just sitting. People thinking, God, that's interesting, that program's more interesting than I thought. Anyway, so he came in with a lady and I thought, oh my God, it's Jeremy Irons. And I have two problems about that. First of all, one of

the first TV series I remember like watching all the way through in a sort of out we've watched it all the way through was Brideshead Revisited. I've been here before I said which he was in but the big thing for me there was a series called Watchmen in which he played Adrian Veidt you know this is like the world's cleverest man. Right. And he was brilliant in that. So I'm sitting thinking I really want to say to you, oh my god, you were brilliant as Adrian Veidt.

But I just, I was too frightened. I was too frightened. Were you? Were you frightened in general or were you afraid of what's happened before you've said with the Doctor Who guys where if the actor, if you compliment the actor on something like Brideshead they go oh thank you now if you mention the sci-fi thing they get a bit worried I think both were bad because um Brideshead was like the 80s or something yes so that's you know oh my god that was years ago well it's the John Hurt has always stuck with you because you said I love Doctor Who and he went...

Ha! And walked away. But Watchmen is recent but as you say, sci-fi things often there's... Is that an Alan Moore or that type of thing? It is an Alan Moore. God that's weird me knowing that. I would say it's one of the greatest TV series of all time. Really? Would I like it? No.

I'll unpack that later. Yeah. So, I mean, I just couldn't, I wanted to speak to him. I wish I'd been with you because I... Oh, you'd have spoke to him. Well, I'm scared around a lot of people. Never actors. Okay. Well, he was so actor-y as well. Oh, I love it. He had like a take, like an unusual hat on, like a little hat. A corduroy suit.

And a real statement boot. But a corduroy suit, yeah. But he had the trousers tucked in the socks. What's he did? In the socks. And also, heavily smelt of tobacco. Very good. I mean, that is an actor, isn't it? A corduroy suit is the clothing of a thin man.

My mother's old acting tutor, she once told me his name was Peter Barkworth. You may be familiar with him. Peter Barkworth was in Professional Foul, the TV play. This is one for our older listeners. Something called Telford's Change. When you used to have entire drama series made about the subject of divorce. Anyway. He once, my mother said, Peter Barquah always said to me on my first day as Rada, sorry,

Rada, acting is acting is acting. My sister said, how much did that cost you? Just out of interest. Yeah, it's a good one, isn't it? But Jeremy Irons was very acting is acting is acting. He might have been a Barclay student, I think. I'd just like to, if I'd have said to him, like, that I think that was the greatest,

one of the greatest TV things that ever happened, and you were a central part of it, and then I've got to sit next to him for two and a half hours. I think that's just going to... It's hard to then go, well, see you later and then remain next to him. Yeah. It's hard to sort of shove his elbow off the elbow rest after you've priced him like that. Off him a Malteser.

Or heard him totting as you took out your Werther's. Well I've heard some names for it. Get out George. Oh, Irons. Oh by the way, Frank. I wanted to tell you something. Oh, well I have a couple of things to tell you. I might have to wait for some of this till next time.

I went to that immersive theatre thing. Do you remember you took part in it? I won't say anything about it Well, I think we can say if it's if it's finished now, but I don't know if it's finished. I don't know if it's still going on Okay, we're better not say. Yes. I was in an immersive theatre thing where I I did the same performance two minutes 40 seconds I did it 37 times and I when I went into it, I had a celebrity who took your place, as it were. Oh, okay.

Can I say who it is? Because I don't know if they're still doing it. I think it's safe. I don't think people do it, like, you know, for a long period of time. Can I say who it was? I think so. Well, I was wondering, because I knew Frank had done this, and I thought, oh, who's it going to be? I'm not going to lie, I worried a bit. I thought there might be some characters I might encounter I might have had previous with, let's be honest. I walked in, to my delight and relief, it was Harry Hill.

Oh! He followed in your footsteps. Oh, I see. Well, he'd be just the job for it. Was he wearing a big collar? No, he wasn't. So he wasn't there sort of as... He wasn't wearing a big collar. I don't recall the collar. I was confused and thrown. I don't recall Senator.

You can handle the collar. Was he wearing a big collar was one of the first questions when someone was told about the Canwae West and Sensori pantomime horse. Was it wearing a collar? No, no it was it was unhitched. I like the way you call us Sensori like she's in the west again. It wasn't a dry, don't get thinking it was a dry, although I think he was there as well. What if Dr. Dry arrived and they were pulling the cart and he got barrels of beer on the back? Oh man. Dr Dre showed up at the Grammys with a hundred gallons of IPA. Dr Dre, the famous horse vet? Oh man. I think we should actually share some of our readers thoughts and views.

Oh yes. I also need to tell you about an incident I had with a South African vet but I'm going to leave that till next time. Not in a while we'll see. Well it was a lot happened. Oh okay next time. Yeah. More than any other time next time. Oh Do you know that was actually one of my faves? I don't think it got the love it should have got. Don't you think that song? Do you know what we're talking about? It's an England football song. It was like we'll get it right The manager was Ron Greenwood so it began We're on our way, we are Rons 22 Hear the roar of the red, white and blue This time...

It's a bit Hamilton this. More than any other time this time. It's not up there with Lily Bolero. Come on, read it. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Read it. We're getting distracted. Well, we've had C.S. McKiddle. I thought you were going to say Lewis.

He's finally got in touch. C.S. McKiddle. Or McKiddy. Or McKiddy. C.S. McKiddy. On spotting Pierre on a presumably repeat episode of Pointless Celebrities, I let out an excited yelp startling the cat. Having had the mental picture of Pierre as a cross between Grizzly Adams and his bear,

I was startled to note that Pierre actually resembles a burly but otherwise normal human being. I hope he had a warm welcome from Zander Armstrong after Frank's good-natured ribbing of his simpering classical albums. He said simpering, not us. Oh yeah. No, I think they're not just classical. What about his cover of Golden Brown? Yes. What did he say? Strangler's light, it ain't. It is?

No, you want some? What do you mean it is? No, no, it ain't. No, it actually is though. That's the trouble with saying that. It must be. Frank, I remember how you viewed it was, are you going to Scarborough Fair? Not if you are. Yes very unkind. He's you know he's uh he'd be alright doing the immersive theatre repeating the same thing over and over and over and over again I should think. As seeing as he's done like four million pipelesses. Well, the one that they say...

Nice regular money. Pump it out. When they joke about the kitchen extension or that they do that, don't they? Well, pay for the old extension. Yeah. It was... No, no, it doesn't really work when it's a manor house. It paid for the groundsman's house.

Exactly. Finally, he has somewhere to store, to season the game. It paid for the repair of the folly. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. So go on. It was filmed two years ago. Pointless. And it's just come out. What?

Two years? It was you and Phil Wang. You were a celebrity two years ago. I know. What happened? I snuck on as a kind of fact-butler. No, but how did you get on? We won, but we didn't win the the final bit where you have to get a pointless answer for sure. We got two answers that were worth two. Right. So close! What was your final subject in the... Idris Elba film appearances. Oh, okay.

We thought for sure that Avengers 2 would sneak through. Well, he was the keeper of the rainbow in all the Thor films. Yeah, I was trying to... I was trying to say... Anyway. Anyway, yeah. Sorry. If they'd have asked me to name and describe his varsity jackets. I think I could have got a zero.

Do you like Idris Elba? I love his jackets. Yeah, I like him as well. I don't know these Thor people though. I had a moment where... He's very good as the keeper of the year. He is good. I had a Slumdog Millionaire moment where one of the categories that came up was Nordic words for types of snow.

Oh, that's perfect for you. And I just silently grabbed Phil's arm. Oh, ho, ho. That's perfect, yeah. They were doomed. That's quite a hard question for most people. Sometimes they are hard. Sometimes they make them super easy.

I noticed on a celebrity millionaire recently, Stephen Fry did brilliantly. But all I'm saying is I can answer all the questions. Yeah, but I shouldn't let him just read it off the cards he was holding. He's very self-deprecating though, isn't he? What? Stephen Fry? He's very self-deprecating. Frank, he has a sort of... He's known for his humility.

No, but when he's on those shows, what I mean, he does a slightly Uriah, he's sort of like, I can't believe I seem to be very lucky, this has come up and I happen to know the answer, it's just sheer coincidence. That's his shtick on those shows. You don't look convinced. No, I'm not. I'm just saying he got quite easy questions. Look, he's obviously a very smart guy. Oh, he's a smart man.

How easy? Well, I knew every answer up until about 250,000. Yeah, but you're- And that's the first time in my life. I'm not that- No, but you're smarter than the average bear, as I think you're... Teddy Swims. Tim Swims. Tim Swims. Tim Swims. Oh sorry. Sorry. Also, Rob has got in touch, afternoon gang, the Ray Parlor would be a good name for a tanning salon.

I like the Ray Parlor. Ray Parlor. Yes. The Ray Parlor. Or the Ray Parlor. And we were talking about parlours other than ice cream. Occasionally pizza but almost never. Yeah, very American. What are the other parlours? Very difficult. Maybe our readers can let us know. Can I just read this finally as well? I hope this gets through the beaded curtain of spirit land. Hmm. Frank was recently speaking about Gary Oldman, which brought to mind a fact I learnt not so long ago. My heart sunk.

It can't be. As you can imagine. So, I had to take a moment, I came back to it, and it ends thus. Gary Oldman is younger than Gary Newman. Oh, that's good. As the old saying goes, you can have that. Kind regard, Southend Sean. I was pleased because I felt it was a nod to what it wasn't.

My worst fears weren't realised. And I like Gary Oldman's younger than Gary Newman. Yeah, that is good. That's a very good fact. Well done, you. Southend Sean. Southend Sean. Nigel Farage is younger than Brad Pitt. Is he?

Which feels impossible. Wow. Do you know him? What a great advert for drinking and smoking. It's the Frank Skinner Podcast. A new winter change is blowing. It's the Frank Skinner Podcast. I'm not totally sure how it's going.

Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch you can email the podcast via frank off the radio at avalonuk.com