The Frank Skinner Show - Life-size Dalek

Episode Date: January 20, 2025

Frank has come away with a decision after finishing his two-hundred-date tour. Also in the episode there's zonal marking chat, partworks maths and an IEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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It's Frank off the radio, featuring him on that Parsh radio, and the one with the French name, from South Africa came, they're all here open brackets array Close brackets today Wo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- X and Instagram. Can we still use X morally? For now. Okay. You can email the podcast. That was my conscience speaking, by the way, in case you didn't recognize the voice.

You can email the podcast via frankofterradio at avalonuk.com. Not all lowercase, but I'll let you guess which ones aren't. I like the idea that the mics in Spiritland are so sort of advanced Japanese tech that they can pick up your conscience. You know in Japanese films they like spirits and things. Who do conscience alerting? Mind reading. Yeah, I'm good with that. Is there any news on Tijmosh on what he had in his briefcase? Not yet, but I think we need to, we should do a sort of, I don't know, like a raffle or everyone guess and because we can find, we'll definitely find out, surely. We have enough connections between us.

The next time we see a photo of Titch Marsh, he'll be in a spotlight against the brick wall. He'll be in 24 hours in police custody. And it'll be like, raise your, put down the briefcase. Well, I can't actually because it's handcuffed. Frank, imagine if it turns up on the show that we discussed last time, in the Log Cabin show, let's call it, where he wears extraordinary clothing. That's what's in it, the one ring.

Can you imagine if he just appears on that next week interviewing Michael Ball and Victoria Hunniford and he still has... He doesn't have any people on that young. And he has the briefcase changing him. He is like the bloke who drives the boat down the River Styx. People arrive ready for the afterlife. Do they give them a penny for their eyes? People arrive ready for the afterlife. Do they give them a penny for their eyes?

Yeah, he sails them down the river. Why did they put a penny on their eyes, Pierre? To pay the boatman. Was that what it was? He was quite good value, wasn't he? Yeah, 2p, I'll take you across. Who pays the ferryman? That was what the accountant for Roxy Music said to me once.

Oh for God's sake. Who pays this much? So, we were talking about how naughty children are. Yes. talking about how naughty children are. Yes, I felt I couldn't really contribute to this. But I was surprised to hear you tell me something Frank, which was the idea that there was a time in the olden days you could just tell people's children off. Well we had a system. And don't get me wrong I love children they are the future. Oh Whitney Houston. They're quite hard to keep your eye on all the time once

they're out and about you know in and out the gay hole so no and when they're when they were out and about there's a thing in football called zonal marking. And you don't man mark, if it's a corner, you don't say I'm marking there number seven, you say I'm marking this area of the pitch and whoever comes into it, I've got to look after them, that's my responsibility. And that applied to parenting when I was a kid. So if I was being naughty over, let's say, on Brookfield Road... And what would that have involved you being naughty, just the sort of thing you would do? You know, like throwing apples at old people.

That's the obscure! Yeah, not insurance fraud, we didn't have that. Literally like a Thomas Hardy novel. Yeah, something like that. And then... Throwing apples. Committing Les Majesté. And then say Mrs Smallwood was walking past to own the coal delivery company, who was the big money person. But it doesn't need to be her, but let's say it was her. And she would say, Oi! You stop that now. And if you revolted, she would say, right, I know that now! And if you revolted she would say, I know your dad, I'll tell him what's happening, then you're in trouble. So it was like zone

or marking, if it was in your area, those kids were your responsibility. And the parents wouldn't say, how dare you talk to my child? No, the parents would be glad of that kind of policing, blanket policing system. So do you think it's a positive thing and they should bring back? I don't think you can bring it back now. Why? Because you'd get, you know what people are like now, you'd get sued if you told their kids off.

It depends who you lived. If you live where I live you got sued, if you live where I used to live you'd get glassed. The choice ladies and gentlemen, is yours. Either work hard and get sued, or sit around doing nothing and get lashed. A lawyer or an Excel bully. These are your opponents. Choose wisely. Actually Frank, you're right because I once made the... Have we got a bit GB news?

Yes, I think we have. But speaking of dogs, can I just say, it applied with dogs as well. So if you saw two dogs having sex, and they weren't your dog... Oh, no! No, it happened a lot. Not with my Ray. I know, but they didn't get them spayed and whatever they do with male dogs. They didn't do that.

Their dogs just went around having sex at every opportunity. So there was two basic weapons, the broom and the bucket of water. Yeah. What? And- Was it last of the summer? Why? And if it was- That feels more like a comic strip then. Yeah. Literally, I've only ever seen broom

and bucket of water used, like there's a weapon in last of the summer. Why? So if there's a weapon in last of the summer wine. So if there was a dog having sex, say outside, I don't know, the iron mongers, of course that was handy for the bucket and the broom. Shame to use a new one. They would come and they'd prise them apart with the broom. I mean, literally like a sommelier releasing the cork from a bottle of champagne.

That's up there with the worst things you've ever said. And that's saying something, trust me. No, but you're protecting someone's female dog from getting pregnant, which is going to cause you all sorts of problems. I'm protecting the audience from you. You'll talk a sommelier. You have to let the dog breathe. Exactly. To be honest, we've got a couple of dogs, one of them I just bought for lying down. Sickening pair. So we'd pull them apart and Frank! Stop laughing at him.

And then there would be an ice cold bucket of water. If the dog had another go you'd throw that over him. And it was whatever the opposite of an aphrodisiac. It's podcast currently. But that wouldn't be, needn't be your dogs involved. This would be people saying... Never be my dog. My dog doesn't have sex.

Well, um, well, your dog I imagine only leaves the house under your policing. Well, yes. But these, we used to release our dogs into the world and they lived their own life. They had their own society. Society? Yeah, I'm off to work and they're both- How did you know, how did they know to come back? Well I imagine they followed a long, long trail of dog excrement which covered absolutely,

we had these baroque pavements that were encrusted with various colours and sizes. Would you just let Shep out in the morning then? Would he leave the house like a cat? Not Shep so much, because the Staffordshire Bull Terriers tend to kill the dogs if you let them. Yeah. But not these days. But the mongrels that we had, well they would do it nowadays, but they're, you know, like I said, they're... On a train, yeah. They're not trained, they're just... people keep them on leads and stuff.

But the mongrel dog... Lastly, I know the dog community. Yeah, the mongrel dogs, we'd let them out at night and they sometimes they'd come back the next morning sometimes they'd be away for two or three days and then come back. Two or three days? Like mini break? They'd be away for two, not only for two or three days but their hair, I remember we had

a dog called Tiny, its hair would sort of be standing on end if it was out for a long time. It's probably some static electricity in the broom. What? Did they look like they'd lived? They looked like they'd really been, you know, like a sort of William S. Burroughs novel, living like a life of drugs and coming back

with an eye patch and a cigarette. Oh, they've been on the road doing some gonzo journalism. Yeah. Well, sometimes dogs would come back with like an ear missing and stuff like that. You don't get dog sex vigilantism anymore. I can't remember the last time I saw a dog having sex. I never have. Hmm? Well...

It's pretty good, I'll be honest with you. Oh, I can't believe you. I mean, as far as absolute focus is concerned. I don't want to think about it, it's really unpleasant. Well, where do you think Ray came from? He came from two dogs having sex. I don't want to know. Okay, maybe he's IVF. Could be. Whatever it was, however he came into the world, there will have been a degree of expense involved, trust me. Well I don't know about that but anyway I don't, you never. I know what you mean Frank about telling,

that zonal parenting thing, if we're going to call it that, or zonal marking with regards to parenting. You're absolutely right because I can remember there was, I'd once told off, I didn't know the rules, and I told someone's kid off and they were a posh person, so they're very polite and how they communicated this to me that they were displeased with me. Was a solicitor's letter. From a hard bottle and... No, I'll tell you what they said. I thought it was quite ingenious what they did. I shouted at... They didn't shout at the child,

but he was hitting a little girl and I felt I should intervene. Mm-hmm. So I said, Sebastian, can you please stop doing that? LAUGHTER Right. I think we get the context. OK. I'm just telling the story. So I'd said Sebastian, can you please stop doing that? Right, I think we get the context. Okay, I'm just telling the story. I said Sebastian, can you please stop doing that? So you knew the child? Yes, they were family friends. I said Sebastian, can you please stop doing that? It was Sebastian and his brother Zander. I said, can you please stop doing that immediately? Maybe I shouldn't identify them. Sorry. I'm sure he's in my mind.

Well, there's a million Sebastians and Zanders. Yeah, this is true. Anyway, I said, can you please stop doing this? And he didn't, so I continued to remonstrate with him. And I said, Sebastian, you really have... Did you have a broom? These are posh children, Frank. You've got to use a bed warmer. A copper one on a stick. Clunk them away. And a geroboam of champagne.

Like they've won Formula One. Exactly. She's got the geroboam out. Please, Ander. So anyway, so I said, please stop doing that. It's very naughty. So he went, meh. And then I left the room and I heard his mother come into the room and she said this, she said, Basti, don't ever do anything that makes another adult talk to you in that tone of voice.

Oh, very clever. Come on. Very clever. Oh yeah. And Basti, do you know what he did? He smiled at me, an evil smile. I did. He smiled at me, an evil smile. I did. Edmund the Bastie, as Shakespeare called him. Nothing like this in South Africa, just lots of kids getting smacked around the back of the head. Well I'm glad we've moved on. Did they do zonal mocking there? Oh yeah. Okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also in the modern age, like with the dogs, if there's an XL bully having sex, I think you just have to leave. What, are we still talking about dogs? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, well, I mean, even if it's an XL bully person.

You have to call in air support if there's an XL bully. Well, a friend of mine was a gas... Get the RAF to come and bomb the park. It's the only way to be sure. A friend of mine was a gas fitter, and he had this young apprentice guy who was working with him. He was about 16. And they were working in the kitchen at this house,

and this Alsatian came in, stood to this kid and my mate said I said to him don't make any sudden moves if I was you and he said he was holding a hammer this kid he said I think I'm gonna eat it with the hammer and My mate said you better kill it if you do that because if you just catch it one across the muzzle it'll tear you to pieces. Luckily the woman came in and took it away but there were different times. Oh yes. Yes. Oh, God. September 5 in select theaters, December 13. and for Canada. This situation has changed very quickly. Helping make sense of the world when it matters most. Stay in the know. Download the free CBC News app or visit cbcnews.ca.

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Visit flyporter.com and actually enjoy economy. and actually enjoy economy. Have we heard from our many, many readers? We have and I need to discuss something with you, which is, have you seen this Pierre, from Ruth Jordan, she's not the only one who's got in touch about this. A number of our readers have got in touch. Oh God have we done something bad? Well you were about to. Okay. Because it involves a Dalek part work. Oh yes. Ruth says I saw an advert they're advertising it on TV. They are. But they're advertising it in that advert slot where the adverts look like they were made by people in flats.

Oh, I can imagine what the ad's like my friend. It says, saw an advert on TV yesterday for something I know Frank will definitely invest in, a Dalek part work. Build your own Dalek in only, wait for it, 140 issues. Oh my word. First issue for the bargain price of £199. Maybe the podcast team could take out a subscription and we could have regular updates on how the build is going. Praise redacted Ruth Jordan. Well I've worked out the total cost of this part work. Go on. Okay, first issue £199. They always do that, they're like the drug dealers. Yes.

They always do that. They're like the drug dealers. Yes. They get you in. The Dalek part works for you. The first Dalek part is almost free. Yeah, but then of course you've hooked. Are you suggesting issue one of the Dalek world is a gateway drug? It is. It's absolutely that. Part one will cost you £1.99. Part two...

Brace yourself. Well, that's when they get a bit sneaky. £7.99. I mean. What a leap. Six quid. Presumably issue 100, the one where they give you the big death lace. Wait for this. £50 quid. Well you've committed, you've got sunk cost there. Yeah. That's not all you've got sunk, if you're a fan of this. Issues 3 through 140. Wow. That's going to set you back £11.99. See. Total cost, Frank.

I did these sums this morning. Well done. Well, what's more tragic? Me doing these sums? £1,664.60. That is. Are you going to spend that on your Dalit partworks? Well, I'll tell you my fear with it is the word on the street...

Oh yeah? What street? From all the sort of Doctor Who sort of informants. What sometimes happens with partworks is that if people don't, they don't step up to the 11th, 9th, whatever it goes up to, and they just think, I just can't afford this, then they're not selling enough. So they just put, it just disappears. Are you sure? And you're left with half a...

Dalek? Dalek, yeah. Haven't seen that musical. I mean you hope half a Dalek is better than half a Sontaran. No, so you just help they build the base first and then you can use it as a laundry basket. Is it life-size the Dalek? No, it's not. I mean life-size Dalek is an interesting concept. Well Lee Mack's got one of those.

I know, but what is life if that is life? Oh I see. I don't know what your world's like with these monsters. So I mean if this is January of course is part work season. It's also someone else's birthday coming up. Yes but all the part work start coming out now people thinking that'll be a good New Year's resolution to... And you know my all-time favourite was Victorian delivery vehicles. Is it Lion's Teavand? That was one of those. Everyone has a little magazine. It was a tiny like matchbox model of a Victorian delivery vehicle. I like the ones very clearly aimed at a certain kind of dad, where it'll be a sort of a camera

panning across one of those oil paintings of one of Nelson's victories. The HMS Victory, an emblem of British sea power. You'll have hired some old radar guy to do the voiceover. I'll tell you who they get. There's an old news story. Like when they advertise gold on daytime telly. My favorite is the start of one of the gold advertises. Since the dawn of time, man has valued gold.

I hate man. You're a bald villain. Why does he value gold? Gold. What is he, Fagin? Did you know that gold is nice to own? And now you can buy this rare Norman St. John's steves gold crown. But why? Gold, that's why!

Now you know why. Because this is the thing, if I can invest in it. You buy it, you keep it in your room. It's not 1384. Why are we investing in gold these days? Exactly. And imagine the desolate image of an old age pensioner holding the empty album that someone has burgled and gone away with his gold. Silas Maher.

What they've stolen the gold. Exactly. That's a reference stolen the gold. Exactly. That's a reference for the kids. Why shouldn't they read that? I agree, I did. Yeah. And look at me. We all had to do it at some point.

Had to, you say, as if it was a bad thing. What else? Well, I find the gold very strange, the obsession with gold. I'll tell you who does a lot of those sort of ads. I think there was a special coin with some sort of Montgomery or something. Yeah. Yeah. Norman St. John's. Yeah. Kenneth, was it Kenneth Baker? He used to be a newsreader. Oh, you know why he does them. Why? I think he was in the Battle of Britain. Oh, was he? Oh, that's impressive. So the gold people like a military commemoration. The gold people?

You know the gold people. They do, they basically, they make it seem like the coin is from the government somehow, but of course it's not. Well they mention the Royal Mint. They mention the Royal Mint and then they say, and we've put a crown and a spitfire on it. Yeah, exactly. So it's probably official.

War gold, gold and war. All my favourite things. Nazi gold, that's what it's made from. Yeah official war gold gold and war There's something deep in the soul of a certain type of bloke Who's there's something of the pirate or the military profiteer about and they just want war gold To be honest, I'm glad of a gold advert if I'm watching daytime. Why? Well because most of the adverts are for death and all its trappings and I'm just all gold, somewhat sparkling not decaying. You get a free carriage clock just for

inquiring. They always look happy the couples they're usually in the kitchen and the woman's putting a nice arm on the gentleman's shoulder. Yeah. And they've stopped with beige as the clothing. They love beige. No, but I don't know if old people still like beige. I think they've, they're a bit like me. They're like a black Sabbath top. They do like, I mean, it does feature a lot at the I have given up shop, but I don't know whether...

I don't think old people wear beige like they used to. No, I think you're probably right. No. Elasticated waistband. Just in adverts where they say things dubbed over like, But I don't know whether... I don't think old people wear beige like they used to. No, I think you're probably right. I like to wear jeans and stuff. Just in adverts where they say things dubbed over like, I just don't want to be a bird in that fall. Yeah, exactly. Are you doing nan you're all right this week?

Oh yes, just worrying about my funeral. Yeah. It's a crash zoom on Nan's face. So expensive. Yeah, so expensive after your granddad bought all that gold. He's such a fan of Kenneth Baker and he got conned really. He can't. Now he wants to be buried with the gold.

We've heard from Michael. Oh yeah. I hope you're comfortable with this. We'll soon find out Pierre. This is from Michael Dee. As an American... Look at me, I'm Michael Dee. Lousy. No. No, okay. As an American with a moderate but intermittent interest in football and no particular attachment to the English national team, I feel that I can adjudicate the merits of the various football anthems. Are you comfortable with this? It's an interesting way of electing yourself. I know nothing about

these matters. It depends what his verdict is, how much value I give it. Three Lions is the best overall. Most chantable in the stands and best video. World in Motion has the best single aspect, namely John Barnes' somewhat clumsy rapping. Better than Rodney Dangerfield, worse than Curtis Blow, but the rest of the song is pretty forgettable, not chantable. These are Michael D's words, not ours by the way. Vindaloo is the scuzziest. I've checked, we're allowed to use that word. Vindaloo was an already extant melody. Chantable, but too silly. Pretty good video. Bonus Scottish content.

Matt Lucas, I think, in the video. Yes, I believe so. Bonus Scottish content, Don't Come Home Too Soon by Dellimitri is kind of pathetic. Decent enough tune, but it's a plaintive plea for Scotland to simply make it out of the group stage. Sad. All right Donald Trump, I hope this helps Michael. I think it sounds like a... Sad. Never make it out of the group. Isn't it like a text message from someone having an affair?

Don't come back too soon. Don't come out too soon. Or if you do bring a bucket of cold water. That's my advice. Anyway, I think that was reasonable. That's very sensible. Don't you agree? Yes, it's good to bring in externals. I think in his verdict on the Scottish song, that shows you the difference. What is it, some Macbeth?

The Scottish song, we call it. Yeah. That's the difference between an American sports fan and a British sports fan. What's that? It's no self-deprecating points. Having a funny song about doing badly at sports. It's America. We're amazing. We're the best.

It's nothing but confidence. Whereas the idea of an American team having a song just about them being a bit bad is unthinkable. Interesting point. Okay. That's why we didn't get the call from Manhattan Mararages. It's probably a team called that. Miami Dolphins you could have picked. Miami Dolphins but I think they're owned by King Charles III. If they come into the foreshore. Technically yes.. Yeah, so we don't want to get too involved with them.

I still can't get my head around King Charles III, because it just sounds like he should have long curly wig or something. It just feels wrong. He's letting us down on the goatee front. Yeah, but I mean, the first one obviously had his head actually chopped off. Well, I know. And the second one, having, you know, his father been executed. Who's your favourite Charles?

Then had to live in exile for a bit. Who's your favourite Charles? Well he was a massive womanizer. The second one, wasn't he Charles the second? Call me. Charles the first. Yeah, he provoked I think. Who had the black curly hair?

I think both of them had curly black hair. I think probably the one we've got is the best of the three choices. Yes, certainly the only one that does any gardening. That's how you're meant... I read the other day, that's how you can tell if you've got a posh name. If it sounds right with King in front of it. Or Queen. King Sabat about King... King Frank. King Basti. King Frank I love. Yeah. King of the Franks. Yeah. It's close, Francis. You know I've been on tour now for a year and a half with this

show 30 years of Dirt. Last year, last week rather, was it last week? Anyway, on the 10th of December, I played Dorking Halls, hence the tour slogan, no sleep till dorking. And that's me done now. That's the end of that long, long tour. How many dates total?

Well, I think it was, if you count all the Edinburgh's and that as separate gigs, getting on for 200 dates. Phew, wow. Was the last gig good? It was, it was very good actually. That was a quite, they had a bit of a rack, so it was delayed. You know rack is this thing where the concrete goes a bit funny. Yes. Oh yes. So they had to delay. It should have

been in October so it was a bit of a... Okay. But no it was... Do you know dorking? I'm familiar with it. Oh you? I find when I mention it almost everyone says we're stalking. Oh no, I think I... In fact I suggested to them it could be the capital of the witness protection program. Nobody seems to know where it is. What county is it? Well exactly. I seem to remember... It's in Hertfordshire I believe. Yes I know it. But don't quote me on that. It came up a couple of times in an Alan Aitbourn play. Did it? Well, there you go.

As an inappropriate place to go for a sort of dirty weekend that someone had booked somewhere there and they were laughed at. No. You don't want to be porking and dorking. That's my motto. But I'll tell you what I've come away from the tour with, not a sexually transmitted disease, that's what you're going to guess. Those days are gone. I think I'm going to do a lot. I'm going to do an hour and 10 minutes next time. I've been doing an hour and a half

and they don't want you. You always say you're going to doing an hour and a half and they don't want you. You always say you're gonna do an hour and 10 minutes. Yeah. No I think I said an hour and 20 last time but I spoke to Ricky Gervais and he says he does an hour and 10 and they love it. So hang on what were you doing with this last tour? An hour and a half. Do you think that's too much? People don't want that. No do you want an hour and a half of anything? Mind your own business. Okay, well, sorry I brought it up. It is difficult with comedy because it's like judging

how big a cake slice to hand someone. Because they do want quite a lot of it, but there's a point where they will feel sick. Well, I've never been to a comedy show, no matter how marvelous, when after an hour and 10, I haven't thought, God, this is so brilliant, but please, please stop. Really?

Yeah. You know, it's just human nature. We all grew up on MTV. We don't want an hour and a half of something. It's like films. We were gonna watch Wicked the other night, and they're just looking, oh, it's three hours, 40 minutes. What are you talking about?

It's a kid's film, isn't it? It's, and if you make it through it, at the end it says end of part one and you think come on No, that's like the original Oliver. It said intermission I did have the joy of hearing my partner say oh my dear who's in that that Ari Andy grandee Andy Pandy Ari Ari Andy Grandy. I'm collecting those. Boz said the other day, have you ever tried that chilli con Charlie? I said, well that sounds like a dangerous meal.

What's happening to my family? They can't speak. Frank. She also sent a message. Me and Buzz went to see Slipknot at the O2. Oh, so wholesome. I do love that you go and see Slipknot together. I sent a message and my sister-in-law said, God, Frank's up late. It was like midnight. This is what's happened to me. She said said, oh, it was slipknot tonight. But she didn't put the K in it.

So it was S-L-I-P-N-O-T and it sounds like an old age pensioner's rubber bath mat. New slipknot! You'll never fall over in the shower again. With some condition that's keeping you away. Frank's texting me quite late at night, slipknot. Sleepknot. That's what it should have been of course. Frank? Do you think we'll ever find out what was in Alan Titchmarsh's briefcase? Um, yes. We need to. I need to know now. Do you think you would ask it? If you saw him again, and you might well...

Yeah. Would you mention it to him? Let's say I'm Alan. Oh, hi Frank, how you doing? I'd say, oh, I'm glad I met you, Alan. Because, and then he'd say, what's that buttonhole? It looks like... Hang on, I'm Alan. It looks like it looks like

Luminum Pacholiaris, that's what he does a lot when I've met him. Oh really talks about flowers, but uses the Latin name I think he knows I'm a Catholic he thinks I'll want to it and you'd have to say to him We're not we're not transferring this chat to your home turf No, no. We've got business. Keeping us steadily on the brink. You're watching the case, Tidgemarsh. Maybe he's going to start hosting Deal or No Deal and it's contractually obliged.

Might be a PR thing. I don't think he's going to be doing that. Maybe he's an assassin. In movies, there's a rifle and three parts. If I was going to hire an assassin, you could do a lot better than Tidgemarsh because who would ever question him in a million years? No. You'd never stop him on the way in or out of any building.

No. So he'd do it with plants. It's kind of odd that he was killed with a pitchfork. The killer is leaving very niche plants at every scene. A solitary hydrangea, Brian. No, I think we will find out. I see him around. See him around? Well, you know, he's at things.

Okay. I got something I quite like from John regarding the wheel. Oh, yeah He says I felt compelled to write in with regard to the ongoing the wheel conversation Hmm when the song the wheel is played on the show I like to imagine that it's not a wheel that is being sung about but in fact a will In a sort of Australian accent the wheel the wheel And they're all relative spinning round to see who gets

the light. He says from there, in my imagination I go to a scene where a group of mourners in a solicitor's office are required to sing it in unison and do the seated dance prior to it being read. Yeah, that would be. The wheel. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Now... And where there's a wheel. I quite... Or maybe in a sort of Nietzschean sense, just the will to win the game. They're sort of singing about it as an abstract, the desire. The will!

No, I think that would be good. But I mean, the trouble is, though, is that will has little to do with it. So much chance involved in the wheel. I suppose it is a symbol of life in that much. And relax. And is there any, I'd love to end on an outside worldy. Oh would you? I'd just love to end. Well I've discovered something which I didn't know. We haven't done one of these for a while, but it's brought joy into my life. This is Charlotte from Stratford-upon-Avon. That's

not far from you, Frank, is it? You know the way people used to say the... What's the thing for the Guardian? Grunyer. Grunyer. Grunyer. People always used to say Stratford-upon-Avon. Oh, that makes me feel a bit ill. I know, exactly. That's worse than Cairns, did it?

Yes, it is. Just saying it has made my jaws clamp. I don't like it. Charlotte has, she's a long-time reader and a first-time writer. So she's gone back, she's a real OG, and she's gone back to something called an idiotic eureka moment,

which we used to do in the very early days of this podcast. Yes the idea was that something that everyone else knows you suddenly realize one day. I mean for example that Sooty and Sweep are named after the activities of a chimney sweep. Yes. Sooty sweep. Yeah, that kind of thing. Thank you for that. I don't know if this is an idiotic Eureka moment because I don't know. Do you remember when I thought I'd had one that I thought that Mary J Blige was a subliminal Mocha Blige? Mary Blige, yes. And then you always went, no I don't think, and I said no no think about it don't, and I got it wrong. So you can get them wrong. Yes. Well the Wicks was the one you got wrong. The Wicks brothers, no because you'd always

assumed that, that wasn't a weak point. It's one of those moments when you think, oh god, how could I not have? I don't, maybe this is me, I mean I didn't know this, I wonder if you two will, so I'm not sure it's an IEM, might just be just some interesting information, but she says, so my idiotic eureka moment this week was that Moulin Rouge means red windmill. I mean it even has a red windmill on the outside. I mean it even has a red windmill on the outside. Yes. Praise redacted. Charlotte Stratford upon Avon, originally of Stourbridge.

Oh yes. She says sort of Frank's old stomping ground. Well I did actually live in Stourbridge for a while. How many dogs did you stop having sex? In Stourbridge. It's a good question. There's a big, very big sort of ring road in Stourbridge, which you could have dogs having sex on it, like the wheel, who just spin round and it's who gets to deal with it. Oh my god!

That would be where, it's also where Jude Bellingham comes from, if that... Hmm? Yeah. And I was Bellingham comes from, if that, yeah. And I was Bellingham one after the next at the time. So what was the question? There wasn't a question. I thought there was a question. You just went back to, she said she described it as an idiotic eureka moment. I'm not sure.

I didn't know that. I think you could do that with any word or phrase from a foreign language. Right. And think, oh, that means... Yes. I didn't know it meant Red Windmill, in fairness. Oh, I knew that. Did you?

Of course. I've been to the Moulin Rouge. Oh, so have I, but I didn't know that. Did you know that? I did know that. Oh, for God's sake. Now, but that is maybe a bit more of a big moment. I don't know if you remember that that we used to have on

the show. Do you know a big moment? Yes. Facts that people think no one else knows, but in fact everyone knows, based on the fact that Big Mo from EastEnders is the sister of Gary Oldman. Everyone said, did you know that... Yes. We did. I did know that.

I didn't know that. You didn't? Did you not? No. Oh my god, Frank. He's from the Isle of Man though. Did you know that it turns out that one of the best examples of nominative determinism is Gary Oldman? It was inevitable. Yeah, it was. Well, not, maybe not. No. He could could have been on daytime television advert Advertising death death or goal you choose Or the Dalit part work I know what I'm going for

It's the Frank Skinner podcast, don't you know? Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via frankofftheradio at avalonuk.com.