The Frank Skinner Show - Loaded

Episode Date: January 24, 2025

Frank, Pierre and Emily discuss hot chocolate, immersive theatre and a local Starbucks. All of this plus some more briefcase conspiracy theories. Email the podcast FrankOffTheRadio@avalonuk.com Lea...rn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:39 Be the first to know what's going on and what that means for you and for Canada. This situation has changed very quickly. Helping make sense of the world when it matters most. Stay in the know. Download the free CBC News app or visit cbcnews.ca. It's Frank off the radio featuring him and that posh lady-o and the one with the French name who from South Africa came. Oh, this is Frank off the Radio. I'm joined by Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. Follow the
Starting point is 00:01:20 podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via Frank off the radio at AvalonUK.com. Come on guys, call me. Call me, I'm waiting and I'm hot. Do they still have those TV channels where women used to wave phones and say, come on guys? They can't, can they in this modern age? Wasn't it still long?
Starting point is 00:01:42 That long ago. 10 years ago. I'm still reeling from that extraordinary accent. I thought you were going into a Mick Jagger thing and then it became a call girl. Oh, I thought he was doing a sort of... I'm not saying they're called. Yeah, yeah. Gangster. I thought he was doing a lock stock and two-stroke barrel. Can we just make it clear? Call girls? I mean people who are called on the phone. Yes.
Starting point is 00:02:02 I'm not suggesting they go any further than that. I think to give them their correct title, I would call them cam girls. Oh, they're cam girls. Well, webcam girls. Very well. I don't know if they still exist, but if they don't, it's a lovely walk down memory lane.
Starting point is 00:02:16 I said, memory. I tell you, they've moved. They've relocated to OnlyFans. Oh, have they? Are you on OnlyFans? Isn't OnlyFans. Oh, have they? Are you on OnlyFans? Is it OnlyFans or like sexy people? They didn't intend for it to be. They and Patreon do the same thing, but Patreon said no adult content and OnlyFans said, we don't care. And so it immediately became a form of... Oh, I'm thinking
Starting point is 00:02:41 topless Keri Katona. Am I imposing that on her or was she one of the early pioneers? Yes, I think she's a fan of her. She likes only fans. Yeah. Okay. But you know, we got to eat. I think she's one of their contractors. Osfied in celebrities. We got to eat, Governor. Okay. Please sir, may I have some porn? Oh, I don't like that in the context of a children's home Boy for sale I'll tell you what I was thinking about Oliver. Remember I talked about I was so wrong
Starting point is 00:03:21 I was thinking after somebody was on about the nature nurture debate, which is always interesting I think. So if Buzz grows up, my son grows up to be a comedian, does it mean he's being around a comedian or there's some comedy gene? And even if he'd been brought up by wolves, he would have still been a comedian. She was a great act comedy gene. Yeah, she was. She was, but very sharp tongued off stage.
Starting point is 00:03:51 Anyway, it occurred to me that he is a brilliant example, Oliver, of nature over nurture. He spends his entire life in this terrible, wormy old son, cockneyed, kids home and he's, oh please sir, yes, and he's very, very impeccable manners, and also he knows instinctively that he should have more than the working class children. He's got a sense of entitlement and I respect him for that. He is proof that it's all about nature. Nurture hasn't affected Oliver at all. You're so right Frank, he's hanging out with Fagin and then he's like,
Starting point is 00:04:32 who will buy this wonderful body? He starts to affect Fagin, the other way. That's what the posh do. It's so powerful. Yeah, that's why the working class want a telly in every room now. They've been infected by those above. On the subject of Oliver Frank, we have had some messages, quite a few, from the outside world regarding what was in Titch Marsh's briefcase. Have we ever found out? Has it been a major news story?
Starting point is 00:05:00 I mean it's not up there with young man. No. It's being hushed up if you ask me. But is he on Twitter? Well, Damien has suggested marmalade sandwiches. Oh yes. I like it. I like it as well. The Garden Fairy, spelt in the medieval way, an expensive snack for the interval. The garden fairy, I wonder if that's a reference to one of the great scams of all time. Yes. Where I think early 20th century was it?
Starting point is 00:05:40 Yes. They had, someone found photographs of fairies in the garden. What was it called? Was something fairies? Arthur Conan Dior was absolutely verified that it was totally correct. The guy who wrote Sherlock Holmes, which is something Sherlock would never have done. A real blow to the idea that he was in any way like his character. Yeah, exactly. So he absolutely, he also believed in all the spiritualists and if there's any spiritualist listener I'm not saying I don't believe in you. We've also had-
Starting point is 00:06:11 Don't gang the dead to turn up at my house, you know how I am with the ghosts. He doesn't like ghosts. No. It'd be terrible if Sherlock Holmes at any point said, I suppose it was fairies Watson. Yeah. Next case. Next up. Short one. Thank you. More tea Mr. Holmes. Not now Mrs. Bridges. any point said I suppose it was fairies Watson yeah next case short one thank you more tea Mr Alms, not now Mrs Bridges. Ruth Jordan has also got in touch where would we be without her
Starting point is 00:06:35 well this is on the subject of Titch Marsh hi Frank Emmerly. We Imagine if she's an AI chatbot. Oh no. Elon Musk invented that. We'll have to send her a picture of some things when you have to... Nine buses. The grid. Yes. Well there could be clowns on that area. What's your worst one? The bridges I cut. You know what, I find the traffic lights confusing. Well when I was, when they sent me the MBE notification, in order to make sure I was the right person, I had to tick the boxes that had castles in them. They've got a special royal robot one. There's only traffic lights for the likes of us.
Starting point is 00:07:19 A snobbish robot. Select all the oyster forks in the following images. Good luck. Oh dear. So Ruth says, hi Frank, Emily and Pierre. Beware of getting too close to the truth about Alan Titchmarsh and his briefcase. There was a story about six months ago that North Korea had blurred out his genes and a few people had written in about this by the way so it's a real thing. They blurred out Alan Titchmarsh's genes. Let me continue. In a broadcast of his
Starting point is 00:07:54 gardening program in the country apparently... Oh his genes! Sorry I was back to nature. I thought how do you do that? Is it like a... Some ray that they have that they can fire across the ocean? North Korea has microwaved Alan Titchmarsh tonight. No, only his jeans. More news as it happens on that story. The current Alan Titchmarsh is okay, but once he dies that's the end of it, because his jeans have been frazzled. Yeah. No, his blue jeans. Oh. Apparently, it blue jeans. Oh.
Starting point is 00:08:25 Apparently, it's due to them being a symbol of Western decadence. Wait till they see what else goes on over here. But surely, it's because he's involved... Wait till they find out he plants his taters in peat. But surely, it's because he's involved in state secrets at the highest level and is using his clothing to send messages to his handlers. Those jumper slash jacket hybrids he wears can't be a fashion choice, surely. The Manchurian gardener. I talked about this before about the Star Wars farmer image.
Starting point is 00:09:03 You really should check out Titchmarsh on a Saturday morning if you're a fan of Middle Earth. It's really unbelievable. We've had various people sending in missives regarding that. Similarly, Kearn, I think it is says North Korea, oddly are actually fans of Titchmarsh. It's a very very agricultural society I'm guessing. They show illegally downloaded copies of his shows are shown on their TV. That's not true is it? Apparently. Well I presume they haven't brought the rights to them and gone through the appropriate all that hello, yes I'm calling off is
Starting point is 00:09:40 that their BBC? I would love to see Alan Tishmar suddenly switch and on his show he's wearing one of those high smocks like Kim Jong Un wears and he's doing all the gardening advice completely rigid at attention and saying weeds are counter revolutionary and must be removed. So, yeah, Kim Jong Un. Citizen's hood. A great harvest if you follow my advice. Huge picture of Kim Jong-un. Do they refer to him as our esteemed gardener? Lord of all. Do they really watch the BBC and stuff? Illegally downloaded copies.
Starting point is 00:10:16 That's their TV. What do you fancy watching tonight? What's on BBC Un? What's on BBC Oon? Oh man, we were talking pre-show about what to drink. The thing is at Spiritland they don't do smoothies apparently. This is a big revelation because they do one juice. I thought juice was still cool but but they're being minimalist with the juice now. Yeah, I think probably they think smoothies have gone a bit...
Starting point is 00:10:51 I'd love to go up to the counter and ask for a bubble tea. I'd be thrown out of here. I think they probably, I agree, I think they think smoothies have gone the way of a bit rosé all day. Yeah, I think they've sort of sold out. It's a bit girl's hen weekend. So I'm drinking, they don't know how to make tea obviously because they all drink coffee, being cool.
Starting point is 00:11:15 They don't know anything about tea. But I have the chai latte because it's sort of similar to a hot milkshake. And I wondered wondered because we were talking about hot chocolate I favor hot chocolate and Pierre shocked me fine Do you have it loaded? I beg your pardon? You know when you order a hot chocolate and I say do you want it loaded? No it's never happened in my life. What does that mean? It's quite a cool phrase you've picked up from here. What have you been hanging out?
Starting point is 00:11:43 What kind of hip chocolate here do you know? You've been some strange speakeasy in Detroit. I've got some hip-hop. I actually had hot chocolate at home recently that was Ponk Bonny hot chocolate. And Ponk Bonny is the brand which is owned by Green Day, the band. So we imported some Ponk Bonny hot chocolate. How old is the lead singer of Green Day now the band. So we imported some Pong Bunny hot chocolate. How old is the lead singer of Green Day now? He's about 53. It's time for some relaxing hot drink!
Starting point is 00:12:13 When I take my dentures out at night. Put your Horlicks in there! Pong Bunny comes on stage. Getting loaded for me. Yeah, Pong Bunny comes on stage at their gigs, like someone dressed as a rabbit and dances around. I like green day. And what I like about it, it's like when I used to work with comedians who wore any sort
Starting point is 00:12:36 of costume, they've been wearing it for like two years. It's really dirty and the Pong Bonny looks like he's been in the teacher Marce's suitcase with some soil samples it's really grubby yeah but the hot chocolate was very nice I must say but it's called hot cocoa I don't know if that's uh what do you mean Green Day call it hot cocoa no it said on the thing uh P, Pong Bonnie hot cocoa. Maybe Americans call it hot cocoa instead of hot chocolate. Hot cocoa, maybe, yeah. How can Americans, I can imagine Americans getting confused at hot cocoa. Oh, so can I.
Starting point is 00:13:13 Thinking it would be like a hot bar of chocolate. Well like in France where it is just like melted chocolate. That I respect. Do you know what? That I respect. Oh no, I find it immensely disappointing in France. Huh? Anyway. Frank, can I just ask what a loaded hot chocolate means? Loads of cream squirting on it and then marshmallows put on top of that and then
Starting point is 00:13:35 usually chocolate sprinkles. Oh, I thought it meant like a whiskey chaser or something. No, so you're going through a hell of a lot of sugar before you reach the hot chocolate. Now that's something that would be blurred out on North Korean TV. Loaded hot chocolate. It might be blurted out on hot chocolate. Loaded hot chocolate, you are under arrest. Too late! Sniped. Noticed into the voice.
Starting point is 00:13:59 Anyone anxious? I didn't do the voice. Congratulations, I was so proud of you. Nicholas Ward had a good suggestion for what was in Titchmarsh's briefcase. Could it contain his own unlicensed Sooty show? A great callback to the other day. People do listen, you see. When I have hot chocolate, Frank, I'm always slightly embarrassed about ordering it because I think perhaps that ship has sailed. My acceptability window for being able to order a hot chocolate without judgment is over. This is what I'm looked at by people who serve me on the counter when they give me, let's
Starting point is 00:14:38 say, an orange juice and I reach across for a straw from the straw thing. Like, oh no, no straw. It's like when I buy ice lollies and I lie and say they're for my dog. Cause I think I'm too old to buy them. So my corner shop, I'll say, have a calipoe please. And they'll say, yeah, my doggy loves these, don't you? He doesn't like them.
Starting point is 00:14:58 Well, I've got to keep my eye on them cause soon I'll be eating my Sunday lunch through a straw. Of course. Have you ever, do you ever give your dog a, a, a poppacino? Oh, all the time. Yes. Oh, yes. Does Poppy like those? Oh, Poppy likes a poppacino.
Starting point is 00:15:17 Yeah, it's a great thing. I love to go, when we're in, the Starbucks by us is, it's like some seaside shanty that old sailors and that eat it's a really run-down dirty old Starbucks. It's amazing. I love that song dirty old Starbucks. But me and Buzz laugh about it because it's the least sort of trendy coffee place you could go to. No, but Buzz took me to a lovely coffee place near you and I can't remember what it's called. Well, we don't go to that.
Starting point is 00:15:53 We don't go to that. Why? Too fancy. You get a card with that one explaining you about the coffee you've got you can take away. Who cares about it? But this one, I know someone who, I love this, he goes to this Starbucks to meet a mate and they do a crossword together in there. In a Starbucks, right? There's nobody on laptops, they're on slates there.
Starting point is 00:16:19 Do you know that Starbucks round the corner from you, I was many years ago, I was taking there on a date. Wow, you wouldn't want to be taken on a date now unless it was by blind pew. I didn't want to be taken on a date then to that Starbucks because then afterwards he said, should we go to the car park? Which is opposite yours. Really? Well, I don't know. We just sat, we drunk the Starbucks in the car park, looking out at all the car registration
Starting point is 00:16:45 Oh, did he get you a big coin? He didn't get you a big coin! No, I had to pay Oh no I didn't like it I didn't think you had dates like that Well I don't anymore Frank, but with the hot chocolate
Starting point is 00:17:01 I, when I saw Josh Whitacombe not long ago He, I think he judges people who have hot chocolate. He thinks it's unacceptable to have hot chocolate beyond a certain age. What kind of age are we talking about? Probably about 10. I'd say... Probably eight, maybe. It has to be snowing. If there's snow, you can have a hot chocolate. That's my rule. Strange seasonal character. That's my rule.
Starting point is 00:17:25 Dangerous seasonal character. That's pretty good. Yeah, because it's a sort of cozy Christmas drink if you're not a child. Well, in the Starbucks I go to, the snow comes in through the ceiling. So it's kind of perfect. What is this Starlingrad Starbucks thing? Is it really horrible? Yeah, I mean, I like it because I'm the trendiest person in there.
Starting point is 00:17:51 I feel like Oliver in Fagans' place is what I feel like. It's always impressive isn't it when a global chain like Starbucks still manages to have a run down out here. Yeah. Because you think there's executives all over the world whose whole existence is to stop this from happening. It's not like a CAF where like, oh, old Jim who runs the CAF, he just couldn't be bothered. It's like a mega corporation.
Starting point is 00:18:14 If old man Starbucks, if there is such a person. Who is it? The mermaid? Does she run it? The mermaid on the car. She might be. I'm anxious about the mermaid. Why? Well, she's one of those old pirate sort of mermaids that has a twin tail and I think
Starting point is 00:18:32 the original illustrations contained all sorts of details that you don't want in a family coffee house. Right, a bit inappropriate. Because they're fully included in the Starbucks I go to, of course. You're the only 18 plus Starbucks side. They're blurred out for children. Yeah, it's got three or four knives sticking in it, thrown from the back of the room. The only Starbucks with a beaded doorway.
Starting point is 00:18:59 It's not the only thing that's beaded. Should see the toilet seat. What's playing when you walk in? Sweden, Old Malabarama. I don't know if What's playing when you walk in? Sweet home Alabama. I don't know if anything's playing when you walk in. I think they have a playlist at Starbucks. Not at ours. No, it's just accordion music and loads of crusty sailors turn and look at you in silence
Starting point is 00:19:17 as you walk through the door. If it was anything. All the music stops. And a knife hits the wall suddenly. Behind your head. What the playlist should be at our Starbucks is... That's what it's like, the Star Wars Cantina. Oh dear. It's Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio. It's the Frank Skinner
Starting point is 00:19:41 podcast don't you know. What's up Spotify, this is Javi. I remember this one time we were on tour. We didn't have any guitar picks and we didn't have time to go to the store so we placed an order on Prime and it got there the next day ready for the show. Whatever you're into, it's on Prime. So anyway, I did, when I say did them, I'm not doing baby talk. I did a piece of immersive theatre this week. Now you know what immersive theatre is? you've done immersive theatre. I'm all over it It's when you don't know what's gonna happen next. You're not sitting in a theatre You've been led into it often into a series of rooms
Starting point is 00:20:34 Not being all the same this I can't say too much about this one because it's it's top secret. Yes I I've spoken to teach Marsh. He said Just keep it brief, like my case. And so you go through a series of rooms and each one is a completely different experience. And I spoke to someone who'd done the full thing as a sort of contestant, whatever you would call them, an audience person. And they were like, they were saying to me, no, you don't understand, I'm really moved by it, or it's like my life will never be the same again. I thought, oh my goodness.
Starting point is 00:21:17 For me, I can't tell you what I did, but I was in a room and these different people who were taking part, they keep coming in one after the next, one after the next. I do a performance that's two minutes forty seconds and I did it thirty seven times. Did you have a script or were you improv? You have a rough script. Oh yeah, you are, you are. And is it a sort of monologue or is it interaction as well? No, it's interact, they, it's as if I already know them when they come in. So I say, oh, welcome back. You know, it's like that kind of thing.
Starting point is 00:21:54 So were they, what was the reaction like from the punters when they saw you? Was there a sort of recognition shock? Well, many of them were from overseas. Right. So I just thought you were a man. Yeah, they just thought I was a man. Many of them were unsure of that. I did wear an enormous ball gown.
Starting point is 00:22:16 No, I didn't. But I have to say, I don't know how this happened, but there was a run of about 15 incredibly beautiful women from all over the world. Incredible Spanish women, incredible South Asians. I thought this was Miss World had happened. They've all said, let's go do this. While we're in town for the contest, let's all go. Exactly. You know what it is. Now Donald Trump's back in power, as they're having a moment again. But you know when the Bolsheviks had a works out into London, do you know about this?
Starting point is 00:22:53 Pre-revolution. So Lenin and all those guys went to London and they had a day out at London Zoo. Imagine how they'd spoil it. Ice cream, the proletariat of it. Oh, just have it, Vladimir. Don't come to the zoo then. Anyway, so it was- It's going to be like this.
Starting point is 00:23:15 Getting angry with the gorillas. Yeah, so you do your bit and then they're whisked off to their next experience, which is completely different, total thing and they just go through room after room after room after room. Can you say if you were standing or seated? I was standing. Oh, okay, yeah. I know what you're thinking.
Starting point is 00:23:35 Tiring. Yeah. Did you feel through, because you had, presumably it's kind of a bespoke individual theatre experience almost, isn't it? Yeah it's just one person going through, you're not with a friend. Yeah. So was there anyone that you encountered that you felt you had a noteworthy experience with? Well, one of them was a famous person. Who I've worked with in the past.
Starting point is 00:24:02 So what was it like when they saw you? Did they smile? Well, of course, I spent most of it thinking, is it him or not? I can't work it out, which is good. That kept me in character. But I tell you what's very interesting from, I mean, one thing that I'm not really is selfless. But when you start doing this thing, Hello, anyone gonna?
Starting point is 00:24:22 you start off doing it, thinking, I want to do this really well. Then after a bit you become really aware that you're part of this person's whole experience. You just want to make your bit of their experience as good as you can make it so that they come out the end sort of blown away. Wasn't paid. Just leaving it there. But it's so selfless. I can't say any more. I remember I saw Eddie Izzard live once on at the theatre where the mousetrap was next door. The Adelphi? No. Well, he was on at the Ambassadors. Whoever's next door is the mousetrap. The mousetrap,
Starting point is 00:25:01 in case you don't know, being like this famous Agatha Christie play that's been on forever. And at the end of the mousetrap, they say, please don't, when you case you don't know, being like this famous Agatha Christie play that's been on forever. And at the end of the mouse trap, they say, please don't, when you leave, don't tell people who did it because, you know, this has been on for years. It's a great tradition. And Eddie Izzard said, oh, mouse traps next door. Then he said, who did it? Oh, you're kidding.
Starting point is 00:25:18 And I thought, no. Not funny. No. Not funny. Did anyone? And I put my cursor to have a failed political curse. And it worked. I don't use that curse very often.
Starting point is 00:25:34 No. No, you have to. You see why? It's lethal. Well, you might have to use it on Titchmarsh if he gets any more popular in North Korea. Could be a danger to the freedom of the Earth. When I go to do anything immersive or where someone's having to do some acting and not break character, I always feel like I try to make it as easy as possible for them. I think I'm going to play along properly. I once went to one of those sort of secret speakeasy bars that were trendy for a while and it's like you have to pretend
Starting point is 00:26:07 This is in the 20s. Sorry. Yes. Yeah Yeah, you get a loaded hot chocolate but it's full of gin as well a loaded hot chocolate sounds like one that's Loaded magazine. I was covered in some if you want a hot chocolate guys Just call me now No, no, it's, oh, you'll get plenty of cream. Can we just turn this off? Stop it. But like the thing of like, oh, you have to say a password to be let in and pretending it's illegal. I, I, I try to help them with what they're pretending. I don't go, yeah,
Starting point is 00:26:42 yeah, it's whatever. The password is seven. Just let us into the pub. I try and be a part of it. I try and take some of the load. You've got to enter into the spirit. I don't like it when people go into those environments and are a bit sort of cynical and disruptive. I don't like that at all. It's not clever to undermine. We add one. I was going to ask. Yeah, we add one.
Starting point is 00:27:01 Someone who thought they were better than theatre. I don't know what I can say, but I had to use my regular line. If you're turning this into a battle of wits, you know I'm going to win, don't you? You didn't actually say that to me. Of course I said it. And it was correct. Now, you just, it's not acceptable. You've got to buy into it. It's not about you. You think it's about you. You've paid and all that, but it's about your experience. And you're squandering the
Starting point is 00:27:32 chance to have this unique, weird thing in your life. If you don't buy into it, having gone through the effort of going, you're just trying to get some kind of baffling version of self-esteem from undermining it. People who go all the way to the London dungeon to do it sarcastically. You're not better than the London dungeon. You're there. And you've paid. You've already lost. Exactly. Who's being hurt here? Not this drama student who's having to pretend to be Dick Turpin. And got a gig at 2pm at the London Dungeon and is also going to be paid for that. You've already been through the humiliation of pain.
Starting point is 00:28:15 Now it was, that was just embarrassing. You can't do that. My parents were always very strict about that. When they used to make us go to the Edinburgh Festival, we were, let's be honest honest way too young to enjoy it and we had to go and see one man whose act appeared to be consistent with him There's no reason to say this he urinated into a bottle For a large part of the show. Okay a large part of the show My sister and I were laughing which I think you would if you were children, you were shocked. Was it not comedy? No, it was an artistic thing. I don't know, it was
Starting point is 00:28:51 part of his thing. No, no, it wasn't comedy. And my parents got really angry with us and said, never disrespect performers like that. No. But I mean to be fair to us, there was a man weeing on the stage. I think once there's a guy with his chap out weeing into a bottle on stage, the notion of respect has changed somewhat. Why did they think maybe we should take our children? It depends on the dimensions. It might be that the notion of respect goes through the ceiling.
Starting point is 00:29:21 Standing ovation immediately. Obviously, you'd be slightly obscured by steam, one imagines. Some of those venues are very cold. Yeah? Yeah. And was there a medical person standing beside to take it away? What, St John's ambulance? An apothecary, check its colour and taste. He was called, I wonder if we can find out about him now. He was called, I don't wish to swear on the podcast, he was called the P artist. Oh I see, oh god that was a short meeting wasn't it, what shall we call this? What I'd like to know is at what point did my parents look at that and think oh that's a nice thing to take to children.
Starting point is 00:29:56 Well it depends whether he mentioned that in the blurb. Let's not talk about the blurb. Yeah he might have just said you know a man a bottle and an experience to always remember that about the blurb. Yeah. He might have just said, you know a man a bottle and an experience to always remember That was the blurb. That's true. Yeah, lure them in and shock them. Otherwise, they'll be pre-shocked You want them anyway, I cannot say any more about the immersive experience It's one of the things I've always been very good at not that many. I'm very good at discretion You are people tell me things. I remember a woman said to me, I remember, and obviously I'm not going to say what it
Starting point is 00:30:30 is, I told you blah blah and I regretted it after and I thought, oh God, I shouldn't, I said I'd never tell anyone that. She said, but it's never cropped up. Clearly you never told anyone. And you know, I really, really respect you for that. Must have, you know, just, she sort for that must have you know just she sort of celebrated my willpower and all the times she was saying it I was thinking I can't remember what it is and I think it's not discretion it's not really being
Starting point is 00:30:57 interested in other people. No I'm going to disagree with that. Well I think there is an element. Cath always says to me my, the thing is with you, you're not really interested in people, are you? Very harsh. I thought she said you ruined lives. She did say I ruined lives. Well, you can't ruin them without being a bit interested in them.
Starting point is 00:31:16 Well. It's one or the other. You ruined lives, but what I would say. Oh, I think I've picked my way through that little maze. You ruined lives, but you're very discreet with lives as well. Yeah, I don't think I've picked my way through that little maze. You ruin lives but you're very discreet with lives as well. Yeah, I don't think I've ruined any lives, have I? No, I don't think you have. But I would say, Frank... Hold on, that's the owner of Absolute Radio has just called me.
Starting point is 00:31:39 Too late now, mate. You are very discreet because I know Kath will sometimes say to me, I'll say what I told Frank, I can't believe he didn't tell me that. I know yeah. He sometimes keeps it you know in a good way. But the only regular compliment Kath gives me, I recite to other people is always very clean. Frank, not my act. No, she said that when I first, she said the thing I love about Frank. You know, I shower regularly. She said to me, what I love about Frank is he's absolutely immaculate. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:14 Really? Oh. There you go. I mean, as opposed to like the punk bunny covered in chocolate powder. Exactly, he's rolled around on a lot of dirty stages. So this celebrity person who I had on, I saw him after and he was saying, honestly it's really blown my mind, it was incredible, I was really raving about it. And he said, and you were the icing on the cake. And I thought, the thing with icing is that you don't want very much.
Starting point is 00:32:42 Do you know what I mean? So ungrateful. Thin, almost see-through layer of stuff on the top of the solid reel. Not buttercream. Maybe your buttercream. My mom used to bring back bags of, I mean literally massive plastic bags full of icing when she worked in a cake factory No cake or marzipan just chunks of this white like masonry would look and we would sit watch telly and eat pieces of icing which were like the size of a Yorkshire Terrier Really wallowing in
Starting point is 00:33:31 really wallowing, icing. And that's why I've got four teeth now. I would say when you get compliments, Frank, I think you get them, it's like when they hand over something to the expert on Antiques Roadshow, the eyeglass comes out. I'm afraid it's a modern replica. You'd be lucky to get 60, 70 pounds for this. I'm afraid it's enameled tin. You see their face drop. I think that's a very fair assessment. When me and Kat watch that, we say, got it probably 20 times because they say and that would be worth I mean on on a good day you could get 70 80 pounds for that. They go oh I didn't think it would be that much.
Starting point is 00:34:11 We go got it! I thought it was gonna be 10 grand and I got to pretend. And they always lie to say face to face. Well it's more sentimental value for us we want to keep it in the family. Why are you on Antiques Roger? When they find out it's 70 quid they say of course we'd never part with it. We couldn't be bothered to put it on eBay that much money. Not like out of respect for our poor dead grandparents. 70 quid, he never gave me anything when he was alive and he's never given me nothing now I watched it in the 19th century. Yes It literally was our teeth
Starting point is 00:34:56 It was an antique road show that I watched oh My goodness, it was a successful stint your immersive theater. They said you can come back anytime, but they always say they're on paid events. Now it was, I tell you what it is, there's 600 volunteers. Everyone there has got a slightly Jesus army glazed look on their faces. They're so excited to be part of this theatrical, I say no one is paid. I'm ready to give it my all for the project. People love being... No, I've experienced things like this. Have you? Yes, I've done, not in your role as a punter.
Starting point is 00:35:36 No, no, but... And I've been to quite a few of these things. And there is something, it feels the closest thing I would say is a religious experience for me. Because it's the fact when it's on your own is what makes it so special, I think. Well most things are better on your own. I can't. No, but going to things.
Starting point is 00:36:00 It's nice going to things, there's not someone going, oh, at the side of it. Well, I think it does it robs you of that self-consciousness, which is what I think's so great. Well, I've fret about, like, you know, for years I went to the opera on my own, because I thought I can't take anyone to the opera. And that was until Joan Baker came into your life. Yeah, but she likes the opera. Now I'm the one going, oh. No, but you know, sometimes, obviously it's nice to share things, but it is nice to say, go, you know, and go somewhere and do exactly what you want to do. Except for sitting, I hate intervals, sitting desolate on your own with people thinking,
Starting point is 00:36:40 is that weird though, sitting on his own at the theatre. We've all gone to the bar and had ice cream and he's just sitting there like an Edward Hopper painter. Is this because I spent 12 minutes in the toilet the other night? No it's all about people look at you and think really the program is that interesting that you've stopped in to read it instead of going out where there's human life and excitement. Frank did they still have someone at the top with the ice cream? Did they still do that? Yeah I remember I went and saw Paul McKenna's hot hypnosis show and I was in the bar
Starting point is 00:37:17 and a bloke came in and went... The bloke came in and went, RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR and then Ryan had to go... Oh did I mention he didn't have a head? Now I might not be at all. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. A new winter change is blowing. It's the Frank Skinner Podcast. I'm not totally sure how it's going. Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via frankofftheradio at avalonuk.com.
Starting point is 00:38:24 When you're not weighed down by high interest rates, life lightens up. radio at AvalonUK.com.

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