The Frank Skinner Show - Making Friends In A Record Store Day Queue

Episode Date: April 27, 2026

Frank and Emily are joined by Rob Auton. Frank has found a new little gift he wants to treat himself to. The team also discuss Tudor fancy dress, Friends Reunited and chatting to strangers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by FedEx. These days, the Power Move isn't having a big metallic credit card to drop on the check at a corporate lunch. The real Power Move is leveling up your business with FedEx intelligence. And accessing one of the biggest data networks powered by one of the biggest delivery networks. Level up your business with FedEx, the new Power Move. It's Franks. a podcast, don't you know? They say for every boy and girl

there's just one love in this world and I, I I know, I found mine. This is Frank Off the Radio. I'm joined by Emily Dean and Rob Orton. Follow the podcast on X and Instagram.

You can email the podcast via Frank Off the Radio at avlonuK.com and what's happy? Oh, 745, 741, 7176. Repeat that phone number, Rob. Starts with, is it? L745, is it? I have no idea. Why would I be WhatsApp in the show?

Someone did point... It'd be a great way to resign. By just sending a jingle. Frank off the radio is fucking off the radio. Well, someone did point out to us once that we have about a million different jingles with our phone number on them and it's therefore much harder to remember.

Yeah, you're supposed to get one. It's supposed to be like an earworm. Yeah. Do you see what I mean? Yeah. We don't do things by the book. Ear worm. A worm.

Is there anything more covered in skin than a worm? Human? Orange. Human's got a lot of skin. Yeah, I think we're all covering skin. They've got holes, haven't we? But you're right, worms have got more skin. Orange hasn't got any holes?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's always, there are trifles, the orange and the worm, in lots of these league tables, I find. Yeah. There was a, see, Dan Lino who did a song called The Hard Boiled Egg and the Wasp. It was about unrequited love. Oh, no.

Gosh. I'll tell you what I didn't tell you about last time. was it was a record store day. What's that? Well, it's a day when the record shops often open earlier than normal and artist's release limited edition stuff that you can't get on another day. Okay. So, Buzz was after the slip-knock were bringing out a limited edition thing.

Okay. And also Weezer, two of his five bands. Are they teenage dirtbag? No. That's Wheathe. Oh, Weethe. I don't know Weezer. So we, we queued.

Oh, man, we queued. We queued at about seven different record shops, but for a long time. And what happened? You just get to near the door and a man comes up saying the following albums have sold out. And it was always Slipknot and Weezer. Wow. Could you not throw the cloak of celebrity at the problem? Somebody said that to me in the line, but I feel's wrong.

Well, I tell you what, there's somewhat really lovely and communal about getting to Sister Ray Records, a place that wouldn't normally open until 10, because people who buy records, not famous for getting up early. Getting there at 8 and there's a queue that's like a quarter of a mile. There's somewhat lovely about it. Awesome. And in the queue, you get in the queue and then pretty soon you say to the, the person next to us. So what you're after?

So me and Buzz was in a rough trade queue at one point. We've all been in one of those, dear. And at one side, I was looking for pissing Billy. Oh, God. Is that his name? That's from Berlin.

Anyway, on one side, there was a physics teacher who was trying to get a Pixie's album and a blueie album. Oh, I love that. Yeah. And the other side of us was a woman librarian who was queuing for a T-A, a T-A-Single. Oh.

You know, T-T-T. I don't know T-A-A-A. Taylor Swift. Oh, T-T-T-T-T. Oh. I didn't think Sister Ray was very T-T-T-A, though. No, no, we were, by now, we were off trade. Again, he's not very T-T-T-E, but you have to accept that, you know.

But so we were talking. This brought up a thing that I do, which I've never really told anyone about, in that I buy myself gifts as a reward for things. Oh, well, sort of, I like this. So I'm doing a gig, I'm recording a gig for TV at the weekend. And I thought, well, that's earned me a little gift. So it's a very hard idea. So I was talking to these two people, and the physics teacher said,

Well, I keep a journal, and he got this tiny book out. And not only written in it in Fountain Pen, but he'd stock pictures in and stuff, tiny little book. Obviously, I was a bit scared. It's a bit buffalo bill. Yeah. But, yeah, I've also got the skins of many women in my basement. No, no, he wouldn't be buying a blueie.

No, he's a physics teacher. They're lovely. I always love a physics teacher. Exactly. Well, I hated them when I was at school, but now they're good people. Yeah, you know, nuclear bomb, etc. So he showed me this and he had a tiny little fountain pen. Oh, did it? And I said, oh, I like your little pen. I think I got that little with a K instead of a tea. I like your little pen you've got. Strange fluttering.

And then the library, he said it's a lily pot. which I'd never heard of before. And obviously, because it was a little pen. And the librarian said, what about this? Reached into a handbag and took out three of them. The little pens? Yeah, that's my... I've now decided on.

But that's what I mean. I'm going to buy myself one. But that's what I mean by the community. It's a proper... Because you're queuing and queuing in the right context can be lovely, you know, for chatting. And why do you think they bonded over... Why do you think that's a common purchase, the little pen? The lilippet pen.

What binds? I think the idea with it is you don't need to hook it in your breast pocket. It's a sturdy little bogger that doesn't leak. Aren't we all there? See, and just shove it in your pocket. Well, I leak occasionally. Well, less so these days. Let me look up, Liliput pen.

I don't need to be an advert because the people who pay for us to advertise. I'll be furious. We're giving Lily Put free stuff. We're not getting many pens at the moment, Frank. No, we're not getting enough pens. We had those cheap pens, I think, from that place in the Falklands. Sounds like it could be some sort of

series or YouTube series just going down that queue and every... Well, it's a bit like... Is it Tom Rosenthal who sits next to someone on a bar bench and just talks to a bench? Yeah, if you listen to it? Yeah.

Brilliant. Does he... Does he literally sit down to a complete stranger? Does he do that with all of them? Some of them set up? Have they been booked and then interviewed by a producer? No, no, it's all just him. Really?

How amazing. Quite brave. Really brave. But he's always doing stuff like that. Like saying, I'm going to go for, like, Putslers is in Instagram. I'm going to go for breakfast if you want to come and have breakfast just to like his fans, you know. And it's just really up for meeting new people. When you say fans, is he a musician or something?

Musician, yeah. Okay. I remember I got dumped. When I was back in Birmingham, I got dumped by this woman. And so I went and got very drunk on cider. And I was sitting on a park bench. I'd been drinking for about 10 hours. 10 hours?

And I'd stopped drinking because I felt so ill. And I was starting to have the hangover there and then. And this bloke came and sat next to me. And I wasn't frightened because I was so drunk. And he said to me, as a going, man, he said. And I remember he said man, because I thought, okay, well, he'll understand. And I said, the thing is, I said, I was going out with this girl. She's really beautiful.

I said sort of Latino looks. And I went into all the details about, you know, a family and things that we did and places we'd be. I must have talked to him straight through for about, well, it felt like half an hour. It's probably about eight minutes. Just me talking about this girl and now she'd dumped me and I don't know I was going to carry on without her.

And at the end of it, I paused and I looked at him, Because he was like a Rastafarian-type looking bloke, and I thought he was going to have some real wisdom. And he said to me, your lips looked really dry. How was it? That was all I got from this bloke. Then off he went.

Thanks. Well, I won't be using him for a while anyway. Should have shouted that after him. I say I won't be using him. All right. No trouble. Oh, shit. I love him.

sort of thing I'd say. Well, I don't know. He must have been staring at them while I was talking, they're going to crack in a minute. I mean, that's the list of your problems. They look like, you know, the stuff you get on Fisillus. You know, those leaves on Fisillis. Are you with me, Rob?

No, I don't know what Fisillis. Fis is obviously an anagram of an SDD. No, Fisselis is a small orange berry with like a very dry leaf. It's got the very dry leaf. Okay, common in England. Common in fruit bowls in England. Oh yeah, I know what you're talking about, yeah. Stop bluffing.

I do. Oh, it's the leaves. Do you remember? There used to be an advert. They're sometimes just as decoration. Well, there used to be an ad for oil of uly, and the woman would crush the leaf in her hand. What a syphilis, a fissilis leaf. Stop, so.

It was not Henry the 8th. Sorry, that was actually an accident. No, actually, I like mentions of syphilis because it reminds me of Henry the 8. But... Is that a good... Do you like Henry the 8? Thank.

Henry the 8th is Emily's would but shouldn't. Shouldn't but would. I'm obsessed. It's not just a joke thing I say for sort of posturing or to be eccentric. I have portraiture of him at home. Frank knows this is a genuine thing. No, it is. It's very...

I go to Hampton Court quite a few times I've been. I've just always been a bit obsessed with him. Really? Yeah. I'm putting it up there with the tiny notebook with the pictures in it. God, that's good. And I don't like young. Dashing sort of military, Henry.

I don't like young dashing military. I'm only interested. Tornie, Tony, Henry. I like Redhead Henry. It's very good jouster, apparently. Really? Very good jouster. Is there any, like, proper...

Problems in my family, yes. Images of him where you can be like, that's exactly what it looked like. Well, the Holbein's, obviously. Yeah, I trust Holbein. We're all dependent on the... The Holbein was the Instagram of his day. Yeah, you are.

We're all dependent on the hands. That's true. So I do rely heavily on hands. I wouldn't trust the portrait of him that was hands free. Oh, I want to applaud. But that wouldn't be hands free. Oh, God, how long can I keep this one in the air? I mean, the keepy-uppy rate.

When we go and see him in the care home, he's going to get a good compliment for this one. Yeah, exactly. And there'd be old women saying, oh God, he's doing the bloody hands-free one again. I wish his hands was a bit more free in the kitchen. How long has that been going on for, then? Can you remember the first?

I like what it's going on for the crush. The crush started when I was really young. I started around about seven, I think. Right. And my mum said, you can draw, she said, I want you to start painting. And she bought us oil paints, which was a bit optimistic.

And she said, you can paint anyone you want, because she would take us to the next. National Gallery and the National Portrait Gallery, I said, I want to paint Henry the 8th. And everyone thought that was so odd for a child. And that started then. And then I said, please take me to hand to court. So it started a very young age, and I've never quit him. Because, you know, I've said this.

And there's been other women. You are aware of them. Yeah. And as I said to Frank, he was no commitment foe, was he Frank? Because he always put a ring on it. He did, yeah. We love him for that. Yeah.

So if you could go. I think he did, Ross. If you could go back in time Yeah, all right, share. So you can go back in time and be married to Henry VIII for a bit. Which one would I be? No, but he's going to get you beheaded at the end of it.

Well, he didn't behead them all, to be fair, didn't he? Well, I tell you who I'd go back in? I don't know much about it. Well, I do. Gather round the fireside. I tell you, in brief, I don't know much about Henry the 8. Hold on. What the...

You've got a beard and everything. You're some kind of phony. You're a beard and you don't know about Henry the 8th. What I would say, you'd want to be Anne of Cleaves. Okay. She was rejected. It's more complicated. The urban myth, as it were, or how historians reported it is,

so she was rejected for being ugly. That was when Hans Holbein used a beauty filter. So he sent a picture of Anne of Cleves to Under the 8th, looking great. And he said, yes, I'll marry. When he turned up, it wasn't. She didn't look at the table. Then she arrived and the court minstrels went, because she didn't look very good.

So anyway. Also, Henry had got mixed up and he thought Cleves was an abbreviation. And it turned out that wasn't the case. Yeah. That's what they say. Anyway. That's what they say at the National Court. She outlived more, had a lot of property and ended up getting on very well with him.

So the elderly one will win. out. That's what I say. Yeah, but now there's a thing. Beautiful ones get beheaded. Now, of course, modern history says that everything we know about history is wrong. It's saying now that in fact, Anna Cleaves looked great. It is saying that. And the fact he turned it down. Was because she insulted him?

Yeah, there's a suggestion that any woman could have been ugly. It's a bit sexist. It's because she didn't recognise him. He disguised himself as a party. I mean, that's shit, isn't it? I fucking recognise it. And he's been dead how long? 500 years or so.

Rob wouldn't. If he'd come in here now, Rob wouldn't know. Rob would say, can I get, can I get a tea? Skinny latte, please. He'd get a tea please

and a Danish, mate. Oh, wow, Daniel! Kill this man! All right, mate. I do you want a cup of tea? No, apparently he dressed up. He'd think it was Ross Kemp. He dressed up to disguise himself

at a party because that was very much the sort of courtship ritual. It was part of that. Was it like a fancy dress party? No, he did it. Who would Henry VIII go to a fancy dress party as? That's a real test.

Do you know, that's a brilliant question. Who did Tudor people dress up as a fancy dress? Yeah. Because they didn't know what. I just think about this. There was a, you know, Grimaldi, the famous clown. And he used to do impression. He used to push on stage a barrow.

You know, people sold stuff off a barrow. He used to push on a barrow of fruit. And then he'd do impressions. It's described as he did impressions of contemporary figures using fruit. But how did anyone, this would have been like, I think late 18th, early 19th century. How did anyone know what public figures look like? cartoons, I suppose, would have been the closest, as in periodical cartoons.

But you're right. It's not like they're on telly or it's not on Sky News. Not even on GP News. Well, GB News probably has quite a lot of energy hate stuff. He's probably a presenter. Do you know he would be? He'd have a lovely gig on there. With a good common sense attitude to women.

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and the car that hulls groceries and hockey teams, or the van that's gone from just practical to practically family. Whatever you want, wherever you're going, start your search at ototrater.ca. Canada's car marketplace. Welcome aboard via rail. Please sit and enjoy. Please sit and stretch. Steep. Flip. Or that. And enjoy. Via Rail, love the way. I love the idea of the Tudor fancy dress. I mean, your options are a bit limited. Well, you had to go right, really just thing. Eleanor of Aquita. I mean, that'd be tricky, wouldn't it? What did she look like?

We've only seen her on the sarcophagy, haven't we? They've all got their arms folded. Yeah, that's what they'd all go, I suppose. They'd all go as the sarcophagy. Statues from... Tumes. Mm. Oh.

Famous paintings. But you know those living statues, you see, on the South Bank? They'd be like that. You'd get it... You know what would be the new Centrinians, Madonna and Child? Because that's all you had, like paintings. Yeah. The new Centrinion.

You know, for fancy dress, that's the cliche to turn up as a St Trinian. Oh, is it? That used to be for years, yeah. Still? I think it's dying out now. Does school disco still exist? Oh, I don't think so, no. I think St Trinians has died out now, but for years that was sort of.

There was a couple in the audience last night, and I said, how did you meet? And they said, they were married. I said, how did you meet? And they said, friends reunited. I said, oh, did you know each other before then? They said, no. No. Really?

So, what is Friends Reunited? I don't understand. Oh, they must have been lurking or something. Friends Reilly? Something to do with Manchester United. Strangers United. Were you around for Friends Reunited? It might be before your time, actually.

No, it wasn't. So Friends Reunited was sort of one of the first social networking sites. I would say it was the pioneer of people getting together on the internet. Right. But the idea, it was that girl you fancied at school. You wanted to see what she looked like now. Yeah. So that's what happened with them then?

I had loads of boys. No, they'd never met before. But what it would normally be, I had loads of boys contact. You know, sounds about arrogant. I had loads boys. No, but you know, I remember, you must have had people getting in touch, Frank. There was a celebrete. Well, I never was on any of those things.

Oh, your PA, don't know. I told you the only time I ever looked up. I've told you this about it. Rock I haven't talked about. The only time I ever looked up, you know, girls I found fit at school. I can't. And there was a girl I had a slight sort of fumbling, nervous, awkward relationship with. And I wanted to see, you know, what she was like now.

I couldn't find her anyway. So I went, she had a slightly unusual name, so I thought I got a chance with her. Anyway, I found her eventually on WikiLeaks. Whoa. With, and it was Birmingham Area BNP membership. Awesome. Did you get in touch? No, I was too frightened to get in touch.

But I remember, I used, I talked about it on set, a joke that never worked on stage. You know when you really trust the audience too much? Did they like that, Jay? I tell that bit, and that bit went okay. And then I'd say, yeah, yeah, I always think of her as the one that got away. At least that's what Simon Wiesenthal told me.

Now, Simon Vizenthal told me. There's Simon Viesenthal was a Nazi hunter, but nobody bloody knows. Could you sort of work that out? Sometimes you want to get to the audience and say, come on! But also I think in Fennish you could sort of work that out from the rhythm of it. And even if you didn't specifically know that person. Oh, I don't know. That's a big ask. Is it?

No, I'm just talking about that pizza place across the road. Excuse me, I'm on Mangaro. I'm not on Mangaro. I mean, imagine if I'd done me, Henry the 8th stuff and Rob would be in the audience. Just looking at me blankly. Have you never been to Hampton Court then? Yeah. Went on Christmas Eve.

Last time I was there. So you spent one of the most precious times of the year at his house? I was more interested in Father Christmas, you know what I mean? Oh, okay. It's a very fine line. Father Christmas. And he often had stuff in a sack. He's ex-wife.

Oh, man. Frank's more of a, do you like Thomas, do you like Cardinal Walsley, Frank? I bet you, do you like Cardinal Wals? I don't like any of the leading Protestants of the time. Oh yeah, Thomas Moore. No. Thomas Moore's, oh, you like him. He's the one you like, isn't it?

Yeah, I like, I like Thomas Moore. Who's your favourite Protestant? I think you need, you'll find the word is Fave. I don't really have any. I don't really have any. I don't know. Thomas Moore, more, more. How do you like it?

How do you like it? That's what they do on Capitol this morning. Who's your favorite? Protestant. They should do that. They should. Who's your favourite Protestant? Oh, man.

Do we want to... I want to hate that Catholic. No. Oh, you must have. Well, you know we're Franks are Catholics. I've got a very good friend who's actually an Anglican vicar. Would you? I like that.

I live next door to a Protestant once. He's all right. He's all right. Quiet, kept himself to himself. That's the post-murder interview you get on local news. He was always quiet, you know. Kept himself to himself. I've done a lot of gardening in the early hours of the morning.

Sorry. Who would be most likely to commit a murder? You or David Badeal? Me, I would say. Really? I think so. I think David. I don't think David's got that.

He's got that. in him, is he? I mean, I hate the idea of doing it. No, you're a very gentle man. So it's a foolish question. Question I often ask myself is if the Nazis were still a major force and they occupied this country,

which British comedian would be the first to collaborate? Yeah. I mean, one certainly springs might. Oh, no, you can't say that good. Oh, dear. That's not a... Don't text in. On the radio, we would have had that as a text.

We had some extraordinary textings. Do you wish to hear from some of our readers, Frank? I always, always want to. Oh, actually, do you know, I mentioned earlier I was talking about Buffalo Bill. I don't have... The murderer. Yeah, I don't have a crush on Buffalo Bill.

Can I read to you, by the way? I took a photo of this, because whenever I'm away for a day or two, I always like to put on the sky thing that, you know, that tells you what's the highlights of the day's telling. Because it tells me what my wife has been watching. Oh, that's a good one. Yeah.

So you can log in and have a look, can you? Yeah, so this one, and it says, because you watched David Fuller Monster in the Morg The last time I looked It was because you watched When Grandmothers Kill Fuck it

Was she planning something Oh monster in the morgue What did he do? Well I'll probably know Because you know it's the true crime True Crime wine They call it, don't they? The ladies who like crime

Oh no God, she loves it I love a true crime. I've watched them all. No, not for Frank. Oh, if there's a morgue in it and a monster, I'm in. How true do you like it, though, when it's actually in your life? That's too true, isn't it? Yeah.

Yeah, but that's what we like, I think, is being the safe distance. But it's somebody else. We like that it's like the Jeremy Kyle show. It was like the peephole on a prison door. We like it. I was watching Jeremy Carl's. It's good to know who's out there as well. Someone on Jeremy Carl said,

he said, using a child as a weapon is wrong. And I just love that line because it made me think about him like swinging a kid. Yeah, exactly. You could do it. If I had a kid in a one of those... Not used to get a laugh at that in the show,

I don't know. If you had... If the kid had one of those human cannonball crash helmets on, you could do quite a lot of damage with one. by the ankle. Just saying. And Kyle's got quite a grip, I reckon. Do you want to hear from Matt from Canuck?

Is that Scotland, Cannock? No. It's the West Midlands. Oh, I don't know. I mean, I do apologise to everyone in Scotland and in the West Midlands. Okay. Okay.

Hey, Frank and Emily, I love the little clip of hip priest recently. Do you know what that is, Frank? Yes, it was. he's not appreciated. It's a four thing that Markey Smith sings about himself. Oh, right, okay. So is Marky Smith something,

did they just sample Marky Smith then? No, I just add that as a jingle. I was using it during the period I'd been sacked by the radio. Yes. You can see why, what the relevance was. Did you know, and I say, this in relation to Buffalo Bill because he says, Matt says,

did you know that it was used? It was actually used in Silence of the Lambs. Oh yes, I did know that. It was on in the background. I did know that. When Buffalo Bill is talking to Clarice on the doorstep. Oh, Buffalo Bill's all over this show, like a rash. And then Matt says, well, if you day, you do now.

That's black country talk. Oh. Because he's from Canick in Scotland. Well, if you die, if you die, you do now. What does he mean, day? Didn't, if you don't. Oh, okay. Or if you didn't, you do now.

Oh, thank you for that. I understand it now, I understand. Like Doris Day, I never said she did. Oh, God. And then, listen, I'm understanding this Esperanto. Because he goes on to say, Cheers, UTA. First, I thought he had some terrible infection downstairs. It turns out that's up the Albion.

I suspect, is it, Frank? Because he's got a blue and white circles. Yes, that. That sounds very up the album. Oh, I feel like I've had my first lesson. Oh. I love it. Did you ever meet Marky Smith?

I did. I interviewed Marky Smith. Have you not seen Frank's interview? Go online and have a look. I've got some watching today. I need to watch the Brits Awards. No, don't watch that. No, don't watch that.

Watch the Marky Smith. White collar in the motorway service sales. It's so worth watching Frank's interview with Marky Smith. It's so brilliantly surreal. He turned up an hour late and saying, all right, Stuart. How are you? Yeah.

But there was a point where I put my hand on his leg and I said, I love you, Mark. Why don't you be nice? What does he say? He said, no, I am being nice, which he wasn't, but then he was after, really. Did you have to pay him then for the interview? I didn't pay him.

No, but the production company did. It was a BBC arts programme, the name of which I can't remember. Something like omnibus, but anyway, you should watch it. It was, yeah, it was a long time ago. But it was exciting. And I met him. He did a sign in, and I went, I queued up with a book. And he went, all right, Frank, how are you?

Like we were old bodies. Oh, I love that he remember. He also slagged me off. Did he? He slagged everyone off. That was his way, though, wasn't it? Oh, God, yeah. He couldn't help it.

Much like Stuart. It comes from a nice, warm place. I read Steve Hanley's, what was the bass player in the fall, and he wrote a book about being in the fall, and there's a bit where he turns up with a gig. And there's no rider. You know, the rider is, in case you don't know, is that the food and drink and that.

So he said, I'm starving. I can't go and do a gig like this. So he goes up to the tour manager driver guy and says, well, there's no rider. Can you have a word with them? He said, well, you never turned up at the hotel. It's your own fault. He said, what do you mean?

He said it was just me and Mark at a big table like loaded with food. And Mark had just thought, I'm not telling the band about it. So he just, not for any reason other than to be spiteful. He just wanted to be a bit of a get. But that's why you love him, Frank.

What do you think of this? There's all the reasons, I know. Of course. Dan, from New Haven, Connecticut. Drink the long draft, Dan, for the hip trace, though. I briefly shared a very crowded elevator with Harrison Ford once. Wow. That's a good person to do.

So that wasn't hands-free. Oh, come on, Frank. We've gone from Holbein to Ford. Oh, my. And I would read that book. And as he walked in, I shot a knowing glance at the other civilians present. Right. As if to say, we all see what's happening here.

Just stay calm and leave it alone. Nevertheless, before the doors even had a chance to close, a woman practically yelled, Oh my God, are you Harrison Ford? Oh, wow. Right in his face. But why is that wrong? I know we all think, oh my God,

but when you stand back from it, why is that back? Don't be really, really famous if you don't want to be excited to see you. Mr Ford sternly grumbled. I mean, if ever any description wasn't needed, it was that, sternly and grumbled. Yeah.

Mr Ford sternly grumbled, I used to be, walked out of the elevator and took the stairs and said, said, frankly, I thought he let her off easy. Now, I think about that story, I kind of love it, because I think Harrison Ford is very smart, and I think he lean, that's his brand now.

I think he leans into the public perception of him as being a bit grumpy about his fame. I think he's meant to be a very nice man, apparently. I think all these people, if they stop being famous, they can take my word on this. Frank, you're still famous. I would really, if he walked in a lift and nobody looked at him, he'd be, he'd jump down the stairs head first. Yeah, so they all this of fame so terrible. Oh, shut up.

What about when I had a famous boyfriend once and he sent me a text saying, loath fame? Oh, man. That's all it said. There's two words, yeah? Yeah, he just said, loath fame. Wow. I didn't believe it. But the thing is, Frank, you were recognised earlier.

when you were in here doing something there were two men with grey hair Oh well they might recognise me It's all to do with What long your memory is What did they say I'm serious They were really excited

They were looking each other They went look who it is, look it's him I was in a cab with my family And They all got out And I paid the thing And the cab driver, he came around, he got out the cab and he said to me, can I just say, it's, and I swear

this is true, he said, can I just say it's an absolute honour to have you. He said it's like having the royal family in the cab. And then he said, sorry, what's your name again? He honestly, honestly said that. So, you know, they giveeth, the Lord give us and the Lord take Also, it does rather depend on which member of the royal family these days. Well, most of the bad ones have been prudent. I don't think they're no longer. I don't qualify anymore. They're very quick now, aren't they?

They must be fucking busy. They're remaining royals. What with death, defection and dirty habits? Princess Anne. Princess Anne has run off her feet. Oh, Princess Anne. Because she is absolutely spotless. Yeah.

Didn't give her kids royal titles. Not a whiff of exploitation. No, no scandals. No scandals. Still wearing glasses from the 90s. Can you imagine her on Epstein Island? She'd have scared their shitter. What on earth are you doing?

Oh, God. You grubby little man. You know, when you see a ship sinking, and people are just diving into the sea, it would be like that. So the slimy blokes leaving a big greasy ring around Epstein Island as they swim away from the Princess Royal. You'll touch that young girl.

Get away! Andrew, what? Ah, I think, get off of me, get off. Swim. Go and swim. She'd have sorted it out in ten minutes. What a woman. Encircling the island on horseback, looking for any of them were hiding in the hedgerow.

I've got you, you beast. Exactly. Oh, man, she'd have cleaned that place up. Anyway, what's at the end did I anticipate? Princess Royal encircle in Epstein Island on horseback, but here we are. The next episode of Frank Skinner's Poetry Podcast is out on Wednesday. This time, it's the great 17th century poet George Herbert.

I used to, often if I was leaving somewhere, I would go, I struck the board and cried no more I will abroad which is the opening line for George Herbert. It's very handy poem if you want to leave suddenly. Oh yeah, I might and that will come in useful. Yeah, I might try it now. It's the Frank Skinner podcast.

A new winter change is blowing. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. I'm not totally sure how it's going. Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via Frank off the radio at avalonuK.com.