The Frank Skinner Show - Metal Faux Pas

Episode Date: July 8, 2023

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. The Radio Academy Award winning gang bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week, Frank's Summer of Rock has continued with Iron Maiden! The team also discuss bed braces, undulating inflatable tube men and finger clicking in songs.

This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. Text the show on 81215, you're a big part of it. Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at frankontheradio and email the show via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk Options, options, options. I've had, I think, four hours sleep, but it's all right. Did you? Oh.

Check you out. Yes, my 11-year-old son, Baz, and I was at the O2 last night watching Iron Maiden. Oh, wow. Man, they completely rocked the joint. Bruce Dickinson sprinting up and down. Oh, it's just fantastic. It's becoming quite a, I would say, a habit.

Yeah, last week, if you remember, we'd just got back from Guns N' Roses at Hyde Park. I mean, every Saturday I come in to see you and your son watching a video featuring a middle-aged man going, ah! That's my life now. That's me waking up in the morning. The thing is, these are bands,

you know, bands and bands like them that I was watching when I was 15. And then I sort of went off, like heavy metal and stuff. Can I ask a question? Is R. Keith, was R. Keith into these bands? Keith, like,

he was a prog rocker. Oh, more Bloodwind Pig. Yeah, he liked, yeah, Bloodwind Pig he loved. Yeah. And just very, he had a picture of Bloodwind Pig on his wall

and you couldn't tell where one Bloodwind Pig member started and the next one stopped. You know what I mean? There just was hair with faces looking out of them. Fantastic. But yeah, I'm sort of getting totally back into it now, sort of by osmosis, just being around all that stuff.

So it's brilliant. Oh, and I didn't mention that. We went to Wembley last Saturday to see Motley Crue and Def Leppard double bill. Are you joking? You guys are going to have to start going around in a sort of battered old VW van. Yes.

Also, I'm doing the bad dad thing of taking earplugs and then if I get it in my pocket, I mean... I imagine all the people on stage at this time of their life have them as well. Yeah, I think they do, wouldn't they? Put your hands in the air if you're dialed into the hearing loop. Yeah, exactly. Canes go flying into the...

Put your hands to your ear. You and your son introduced me this morning to an extraordinary character who was sort of the Bez of the heavy metal world. Who is this man? I suppose he's, yeah, a grotesque Bez, if such a thing is... Zombie Bez. Yeah.

Yeah, Eddie, who comes on stage intermittently at Iron Maiden gigs in various guises. Yes. He's about ten foot tall. Yeah, and he sort of stomps around with a slight panto horse. And he has a sort of skull face? Yeah, and at one point he's... Bruce Dickinson, he climbs about a lot.

Oh, they all climb about, dear. And he has a cannon where he fires fireballs at Eddie, and Eddie fires stuff back, and they have a duel on stage. Oh, man, it's brilliant. But it was dirty. It's a bit dirty. Motley Crue, I didn't really know their stuff. They're fantastic.

But they're dirtier. They've got, like, dancing girls doing pole dancing. Oh, no. I have to go and spoil you. And Tommy Lee on the drums. You're still going, Tommy? Yeah. Gosh.

Our former Pammy. Yeah. Boyf. This has got very... Isn't it Heat Magazine 1998? Yeah, itf. This has got very... It's in a heat magazine, 1998. It's got a very heat magazine. It's Eddie's new squeeze. There was a section in The Motley Crue

where Boz went very, very red indeed. And I checked the date on my watch to make sure we weren't in 1978. Well, I can't fully describe it on Breakfast, but he basically, Tommy Lee comes to the front of the stage. Hang on, which gig? I'm so...

That's Motley Crue. This is Motley Crue. He's the drummer. And he sort of requests certain revelations from the audience. Oh, dear. It's kind of, I couldn't believe it was actually happening. But they were brilliant.

They just have got a bit of that stuff going on. Oh, dear. And Def Leppard also. So, yeah, so that's become our lives. It's the summer of rock! Oh, man, I've done so many horn signs of late. I'm sorry I missed the point with Heavy Metal, though, because this morning I found myself,

when you were telling me about Eddie, asking, does he have a partner? Yes. To my knowledge, he never married, but he's one of those guys whose private life has been very guarded.

Yes. This is the thing about sleeping in a flight case. Frank's Case on Absolute Radio. So they also had, Motley Crue had these giant inflatable sort of robot women. Oh, dear.

I love a giant inflatable though, don't you? No comment. I'll tell you what I like. I always liked, you know, I haven't seen one for years. You know the billowing tall man? Yes. They used to, like, blow air into the bottom of him. Are you talking about, it's outside sort of car lots in America.

Yeah, you get that. They have it where the second-hand car is. I've seen them at sports events as well. Wacky, inflatable, flailing arm tube man. Yeah. What's the point of the man? I mean, that particular man. To inspire.

It's just great to see a really tall man in any context. That's why we hired Pierre in the first place. Yeah, yeah. Is it to attract people? I think, yeah. I don't know. If I went through another period of abject loneliness in my life, rather than get a pet, I think I'd get one of those undulating giants.

In the garden? Yeah. And just sit and talk to him like in a lovely fairy tale. He'd be a very reactive conversation partner. He would, but he's constantly animated. That's the thing with him. But what about at the end of the day where you have to turn the motor off

and he slowly descends? Oh, no, I think I could afford to keep him 24 hours. The neighbours would be saying, no, the undulating giant kept us awake all last night. His arms were thwipping against our windowpane. You know what? Put burglars off. They saw a 30-foot man in the garden.

He seems in a state of rage. Well, do you remember Noel Edmonds used to drive around with the... He had the... Was it an inflatable model in the... Inflatable woman, yeah. In the passenger seat.

Do you not know about this? Is this a carpooling scam? I think she was in the back, actually. And I think the idea was he drove a London cab and he didn't want people to keep trying to flag him down, so he put a mock passenger. But she had a name and she had a special place at his house. That stuff.

Oh, I see. Like, in real life, he was driving one of those, like, a repurpose cab. Yeah, in real life. No, that's not operating real life he was driving one of those like a repurpose car in real life no I thought this was like a sketch does not operate in real life he always did seem

like a dream like figure to me he's a cosmic ordering he's a cosmic he said if you if you write down seven things and sort of

you know attract the sky's attention the universe's attention you'll get all those things isn't it funny how doesn't even work with a car though the universe's attention, you'll get all those things.

Isn't it funny how... It doesn't even work with a car, though. And he suggested you could do it in a cosmic way. Do you think you could get a message from the universe saying, you requested a million pounds, we have substituted garden keys? Exactly. Where is he now? This is fine.

He's moved to New Zealand, I think. Did he? He'll be doing something with helicopters. They love helicopters, those men. If I had an undulating... Why do men love helicopters? If I had an undulating giant in my house, in the fireplace,

I'd have, you know that red and yellow fabric fire? Yes, yes. Also with an underblow. I'd just have like an underblow house with all those things rippling everywhere. If anyone has spotted an undulating giant recently, I'd love to know. How much do they cost?

That's a great question. That's fine. How much? I mean, should we guess? I'm going to say £14.99. No. What? They're quite big. No, been they come with like you know

it's like they look like a hot air balloon the fabric cost alone do they have that hot air balloon and balloon every day and again goes oh i wonder if they do that that would imagine that excuse me What if they do that? That would imagine their neighbours... They'd say, excuse me. No. Neighbours going crazy. You had to come up with a name for him. Oh, man.

Life. David Brackley has been in touch, Frank. Oh, yes. Hi, Frank. I, too, was at Wembley Stadium last Saturday for Deaf and Crew. I'm so in. I mean, Deaf and Crew. Then Tuesday in Birmingham to see the Mighty Maiden.

Men squeezed into original tour T-shirts. They all seem to have a gap bottom of the shirt to top of jean. That's from Prisoner666. Yes, but that's great because it's a world where, you know, you're not judged on appearance. No. I think if anywhere's true of that, it's an Iron Maiden concert. Yeah, exactly.

Very open society. Well, look at Eddie. He leads by example. He's a free spirit. Oh, he's a free spirit, all right. What moisturiser would you recommend for Eddie? Yeah, maybe not battery acid, which is what he's a free spirit, all right. What moisturiser would you recommend for Eddie? Yeah, maybe not battery acid, which is what he's been using for years. All I would ask is just a little more origin story

of Eddie for Eddie. It all exists, that stuff. Does it? Yeah. Okay, I'll get it off your son. If you want to, yeah, if you want to Google Eddie. And we went to a Star Wars exhibition. Star Wars?

Yeah. Okay. Do you not know about this problem? I think this is a black country thing. No, I think it's a Frank thing. I don't know, because my friend George, who we all went to go see, he's a fellow black countryman. George is the actor that we saw in The Comedy of Errors.

Fabulous actor. Sometimes called A Comedy of Errors, but incorrectly. An error itself. Yeah, exactly. Wow. When I was first befriending George, I noted that he would say things like

apartment complex. Oh. Instead of complex. Well, one that I was picked up on very early when I moved to London is that we didn't have any distinction between bought and brought oh really yeah that must have got you into all sorts of scrapes yeah I mean I'll tell me about oh no it didn't really but anyway but people did

think that I I wrote it in the script and people said, oh, you've done that wrong, that should be bought. And I had no idea what they were talking about. Really? Yes! When people say really, has anyone ever changed their story? They go, no, you got me there. Yeah. And he bought me 12 red roses. Really?

No. They were 11. Yeah, and they were blue. Actually, they were plastic. No, it would be a weak liar indeed who broke down on a really. Yeah, the sort of person who ticks yes in the are you a terrorist box when entering the country. Can I say we've still not had an answer to the question,

how much is one of those inflatable men? I mean, you'd think asking for a friend what about have we established them what if elon musk did a music tour one he's back in singers would be called oh yes we were discussing that off air you well i think you might have nailed it what was your contribution i thought the musketeers yeah i mean you'd have three of them obviously but elon musk and the three musketeers was it just I mean, you'd have three of them, obviously, but Elon Musk and the three Musketeers. Was it just sort of all for one and then they stopped talking?

Yeah, exactly. Excellent. Fabulous. So, yes, he is touring, apparently. Who, Elon Musk? Yes, so I hear. Yeah. Yeah, so one thing I didn't know,

and you might know this, Emily, because you're a lady, is that you could get at one time Barbie Darth Vader. Really? And Barbie C-3PO. Now, how visually different are they from... Oh, considerably.

Yeah. Does Barbie just essentially have an LBD on? Well... An inhaler. What is an LBD? A little black dress. No, she has a big black... Does she wear a cloak?

Yeah, she's, you know, she's very Vader-esque. I'd say the C... I once went to one of those stand-up sunbathing booths you remember those oh yes a makeup artist said you need you need to get a tan you're looking pale so I went and did one of those things as before fake tan was common and you put gold things in your eyes, like pointy things. Yes, the little dices. Yeah, to stop your eyes burning. We should have known at that point it maybe wasn't a good idea. Yeah, but when I first went, I got another part burnt as well.

So the next time I went, I wore three of those gold things. And I said I looked like if C-3PO went on a naturist holiday. That's what he would have looked like. Frank, there was some big, big news yesterday. I don't know if you're aware, but it was our special day. Do you know what our special day was? Oh, I do know this because former producer of this show, Daisy, texted me and said, I don't know where it is in North London,

but out west where we are, it is definitely Flying Ant Day. Yes. And I replied back, I went out into the garden to investigate and I said, all we seem to have is ground troops. I like the idea of you investigating closed ports while opening a window. I don't want, no I went outside

but I didn't see a flying ant. Were your flying ants do you think they were put off by the flailing giant man? Yeah maybe. Yeah he generates a fair amount of hot air. You wouldn't want to fly through that vapour with air delicate on the carriage.

No. No. Yes, they were out yesterday. I was first alerted to it by Nick Grimshaw on social media. Mr Grimshaw? Yeah. Mr Grimshaw was the first to break the news oh ok

so he acknowledges that it exists just for any new listeners I once mentioned it on Graham Norton do you know about this Pierre? oh it's the most mortifying thing that's ever happened and James McAvoy and you were also on with

Marianne Cotillard and the man with the German surname. Actor. Yes, who is called Michael... The cancelled James Bond film. Fassbender? Fassbender. The Irish-German actor.

You were on with Fassbender. Was I? Yes, it was. Anyway, so none of them had heard of it. What? And then Graham Norton said, no, no, I haven't heard of it. What? And then Graham Norton said, no, no, I haven't heard of it. And I knew he had. He's just siding with Hollywood against Oldbury.

He was. So Fassbender was just shrugging, Cotillard, je ne sais pas. And Fassbender, that's his problem. But I remember I broke the golden rule because I said, oh, yeah, maybe you guys are just too famous to be allowed to. And Graham said, we don't want any of that.

It was like the absolute rule you never break at Graham Ward. Oh, no. Yeah. But I mean, I was made to feel like I'd made the whole thing up. He gaslighted me. Oh, Frank, that's quite over the top. He wasn't. I was made to think I'd imagined Flying Ant Day on a major television programme in front of Hollywood royalty.

There's no such thing as flying ants, Frank. Now, sign this document. Exactly. It was. It was awful. But they do exist, and we've got witnesses, yeah? Oh, yeah, there's all sorts. I mean, Dorse says, I saw a solitary flying ant yesterday,

possibly a scout checking out the conditions or maybe just the loneliest flying ant in the world but the annual ant ascension feels imminent. I just thought Frank would like to know. Does it? I mean, we've always called it on this show and we've been discussing it for many many years, Flying Ant Day

but we've never checked on whether it lasts more than 24 hours I mean it's weird that they just do one day isn't it or is it Ant Independence Day Independent Ants Day no but it is weird that it's

if it is just a day... Stop looking at me like you don't know what I'm talking about. It's like being back on Graham Norton. Can't see that happening. Frank Skinner. Absolute radio. 442, good to Mr Skinner. Grooving away at Iron Maiden last night

at the O2 Arena in London I like good to Mr Skinner what does that mean? it just means good on Mr Skinner has he left out the word see? good to see no I like good to the support act last night for Iron Maiden

was Lords of the Lost oh yes I think I've been counted there before they own Tom Tom for Iron Maiden was Lords of the Lost. Oh. Yes, I think I've been counted there before. They own Tom Tom. I think they may have gone to my school. Yeah.

Were they late? I think, well, Buzz said they were on Eurovision. Oh. Were they? Were they late, Lordy? The blood and glitter. The blood of glitter.

Oh, OK. They're Swedish. Are they Swedish? Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah, they, okay. They're Swedish. Are they Swedish? Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah, they... I knew there was someone because he said...

You know when they ask for people to clap along? He said, London, all of your hands, please. That's slightly sinister. It is. I love almost accurate English from bands. I think that's one of my favourite types of spoken words. Speaking of almost accurate English, do you remember we...

I was telling you about my penguin escalator slide experience. Buzz has got a thing called ruining go, which is supposed to be running go, also means nothing yes for the misspell i got a message about ruining go which i'll share in a minute well i bought a uh a charger cable this week for my phone and it said on the box premium charger cable and then it's had one of these translation things and i know there's someone a bit cheap about the translations but I just this is as a twist on it of course it said apply this charger for your phone you can enjoy convenience and freedom in your life oh and the thing about it is I don't I yes Yes, I sniggered originally at that translation. But what I have bought is a two-metre charger cable. Because what I was doing, as I lay in bed with the phone at my side,

because we had the socket is, I actually had to slightly get out of bed to check my phone in the night. And I put up with that for about six months and i thought you know what i've got international representation i need and i i so i bought a much longer lead so i could have it at the side of my bed and i can honestly say that it has um it's brought me convenience and freedom in my life. It actually was correct. That is what's happened. You know when you do a quality of life purchase, when you think this is a bit mad,

but I just think it might make a really... Oh, yeah. Like me and Buzz ordered a... What are they called, those things? Gyoza. Yeah, a Gyoza maker. Oh. Yeah. Just folding over atp no yeah what and you just put a circle of the pastry and then you just fold it up like a little envelope and a lovely little

gyoza comes out atp atp yeah my hasn't turned up yet yeah next time you interview I might be in court talking about it but the quality of life those are the purchases I'll tell you a quality of life purchase buying one of those tube men

and 597 has exclusively revealed a 20 foot green tube man is 31.50 apparently that is a giveaway that's gosh I thought it would be hundreds I don't know it's a lot of gyoza makers yeah it is is £31.50 apparently. That is a giveaway. Gosh. I thought it would be hundreds.

I don't know, it's a lot of gyoza makers. Yeah, it is. You know what, if I had the choice, I'd be sans gyoza. Would you? And I'd have a new friend. Oh, that new friend. Do you know what he would do?

Who undulated. He'd change the quality of your life. Oh, I think he would do, and the air above my garden. Oh, I think you would do, and the air above my garden. Oh, that's such a bargain. I know. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio.

This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. Text the show on 81215. People have, we're about to read some out. Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at frankontheradio. Email the show via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk. Okay. That's my favourite bit, saying those housekeeping things.

Yeah. I'd happily just read from bits of paper for the whole show. Yeah, the news. I'm sure a lot of people do. I was going to say, many people do. I'd like to kick off with this from Jonathan Hollis. You were talking, you may recall, Frank, about purchases that have changed your life

in a way you couldn't possibly have imagined. You mentioned a phone charger. A two-metre phone charger cable, which has just made life so much sweeter. To be able to just reach out of bed and there's your phone charging instead of having to take three steps to be able to check it. How long did it take you to come round to the decision to buy that charger? I say I went...

My first thought was six months. It was probably 12 months of putting up with that. Incredible. Yeah. Well, Jonathan Hollis says, good morning, you all. I must say my quality of life purchase have been some bed braces. I know I was alarmed as well. From Frida Kahlo.

Finally, someone's dressing for bed. finally someone's dressing for bed they are attached to the corners of the bed to hold the sheets in place i was forever having to rearrange the bed sheet to stop it slipping off the bed absolute life changer for two pounds much love jonathan hollis Does he mean the duvet or does he actually have sheets and things? Well, hang on What's that sheet, Pierre that's under Do you know what I mean?

The under sheet, as it were The fitted sheet No, under the fitted sheet The comfort The mattress protector There's something under the fitted sheet I'm talking about I have never looked down there

Hang on What about the mattress protector? That has built-in braces. Surely. I thought maybe the bed braces were sort of to keep your pyjama trousers at the right height. That would be great. Like a sort of shirtless workman in bed. I thought it was some of Frank's friends in the S&M community.

The bed, so they actually hold that bottom sheet in place. The bed, so they actually hold that bottom sheet in place. I have to say, there are some sheets where they're not quite fitted properly and if you're rolling around, they can sort of cluster. They get pulled off. Sometimes with the posh ones, I don't think they like to go for the elastic bottoms. No, that's true. They find them... Do you know what I mean?

Yes, I see that. Hospital corners I would like something that stops The duvet Crouching in the corner Of the duvet cover Yes yeah I hate that You know the bottom

The bottom section You want a snug fit Frank I don't want the duvet to try to escape from the duvet cover. And then you end up with just a lot of, and sometimes I'll sleep and it's all hanging out the bottom like a hernia. Oh wow, Frank I've had that.

It's so depressing. And I'm sleeping under like a foot of the top of it, it's just duvet cover, so way for thin. And then there's this big lump at my feet. Yeah, it's formed a sort of like a capital J. I once likened it to, you know when people, when you loan someone a set of keys

and they put them back through your letterbox in a big envelope? It's like sleeping under that. Oh, I can't bear it, Frank. Oh, there must be a gadget for that that can improve the quality of my life. Do you favour zips or buttons? Zips are better. But I don't like that when it starts to protrude.

That's disgusting. Yeah, that's no good. You can get some... I don't want to see an uncovered duvet. I know what you mean at the bottom when it gapes out i have um i have bought a weighted blanket a weighted blanket and the reason i bring it up is that that to stop exactly that sort of can i say on this show you never need to justify bringing anything up no sure especially not blanket related. No, certainly not.

Within the sort of cover for it, the sort of duvet cover equivalent, it had little ties, little two pairs of strings that you were to use to tie to the duvet internally. Have you got guy ropes? Yeah. On your duvet? So it's inside the duvet. Is it pegged? It's pegged to the bedroom floor.

Yeah. Frank, he likes to keep an outdoors flavour. Yes. The South African in him. He likes to pretend he's in the camera. It sounds like he sleeps in a room where gravity is a problem and sometimes it turns upside down. He doesn't want to fall out of bed.

That's basically it. Hang on, talk us through the blanket. So the little strings are inside the duvet cover to stop it from escaping from the corners of the duvet cover. Oh, that's what I'm after, isn't it? It sounds very complicated. How much is that? I'm just putting together my shopping basket with Inflatable Man.

£31.50. Yours will make it. How much is it? Roughly? Oh, it depends on the weight of the weighted duvet, but I'm sure you can get a cover. Not the weight of the sleeper. No. No. Okay. Imagine if there's a fire and you're trapped. Trapped

in your duvet ropes. Oh, what a way to go. Frank Skinner, the Birmingham comedian, perished today. He is survived by an inflatable man. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Stephen in Bournemouth. Hi, Frank, Emily and Pierre.

We have a local car wash with a very tall man outside. Oh, yes. They do like a car wash, though, some undulating giants. He says apart from his left arm, which amazingly moves up and down by going limp and then being filled with air. Oh, Travolta style. So, moving this up. See, I avoided Nazi Germany there and went for light entertainment.

That's what breakfast radio's all about. You did. Do you know what? I felt immense relief. Yes. Hence moving his arm up and down incessantly to point you to the car wash. It's quite aggressive, isn't it? Oh! Look, over here. And as Stephen says, no undulating flailing arms

here all he needs now is a bellowing voice saying your car is filthy get in here you see what I would have done I'd have dressed him as what are they called those

Mexican bands that play I'd dress dressed him as one of those, what do they call those Mexican bands that play? The mariachi. Yeah, I'd dress him like that. And the sleeves would be the two of those things that you get in car washes that clean the car. Oh, man, that would have been fantastic. We've heard from Joe Schofield as well. He says undulating men are still big here in the Paris suburbs.

Oh, get me over there. Oh, really? Get me there. Joe Schofield says, there's at least two on Route Nationale 7. Within two kilometres of Corbeil-Aisson, they even survive the riots.

They're so sophisticated. They've stopped with the undulating. Le grand homme undulatine. Yeah, exactly. We would never burn down one of them. No, that's good. Well, also, you're not quite sure how flammable the thing that's keeping them invited is.

Do you know what? I bet they're a bit classier in Paris. Do you think? The undulating undulators. I bet they've got a sort of slight houndstooth check motif or a little bit of a Chanel double C, interlocking C. They've sellotaped a little cigarette onto the end of one of the arms. Yeah, where else?

Maybe a beauty spot above the mouth. If I get one, I'm going to have quite a big beer belly on it. And a cap. Listen, Paul from Fallsworth, Manchester, says, I've been in pest control for 26 years. OK. Flying ants... Imagine the death list on his hands.

Oh, God. Flying ants are actually the queens of the small black ant we see in the gardens. Are they? Paul from falls fallsworth is it manchester has some fascinating things to say he continues the small ants are sterile females only the queen take that back only the queen can reproduce but what about the male ants? We're getting to him.

OK. Black ant colonies are a single queen colony where only one female produces eggs. So what happens is when the queen produces the next generation of queens, they grow wings. And along with males, they leave the nest. Mate on wing. Basically, he calls leave the nest, mate on wing. Basically, he calls it the Mile High Club France.

Are they mating mid-air? Yes. Oh, yes. They then drop to the ground and burrow into the ground, hibernate until the next spring when they start their own colony. So 364 days of the year they sleep in the soil. And just hang out. And then one year they copulate in the air.

And then they fall to the ground, exhausted. It sounds like my dream life. It would be quite a thing if our monarchs behaved in the same way. Yeah. Paul actually... Well done, Paul, with your facts.

Coming here with your facts. That was genuine. It didn't mean to sound quite so resentful. It was genuine. There isn't a particular day and swarm, Paul says, but it does tend to be

when it's hot and humid. I hope this is informative. It is informative. I don't think there's any question about that. Fantastic. He's up the ante, I hope this is informative. It is informative. I don't think there's any question about that. Fantastic. He's the auntie, is what Paul's done. Oh my God. Sorry everyone.

Simon has pointed out Morning Frank and team on unfinished business from last week, on the matter of introducing band members with Mr... On drums, Mr... Yes. Do they do Eddie? Does he get Master? No.

And General Vibes, Master Eddie. Eddie is, he's like a sort of stage invader. He comes on unintroduced and then he attempts to repel him. I do find that confusing. Why? Because they seem to fear and to fight Eddie.

But then he's kind of their mascot as well. They're shooting a cannon at him. Well, just sack him if he's causing problems. Why have him on the board? You're right, though. Yes, he's... How much do you think Eddie gets paid? Do you think he gets...

That's a good question, because there must be a regular Eddie under there, one would think. I bet he's on at least 40 quid a night. Oh, yeah. No, he's more than that. It's quite hard work, and it's sort of an acting job as well.

I just worry that... Is he, like, like with the top gear men is he the James May as Pierre says he's a mascot but he's also their arch nemesis in some way it's a bit like when a man marries a much younger woman go on

she's a mascot, but also in many ways becomes his arch nemesis. That's fair enough. Oh dear. Mmm. What is it, Rod Stewart said?

Was it Rod Stewart who said, next time I'm just going to save time and find someone I don't like and buy them a house? I once had dinner.

For goodness sake, Ron. I had dinner in the south of France with Jim Davidson and his partner. He just happened to be at the same hotel. He's very entertaining, I must say.

And he was talking about getting married, being married four or five times or something. That figures. And his girlfriend said, why do you always marry him, Jim? And he said, you know, it's lovely always marry him, Jim? And he said,

you know, it's lovely, he said, day out, you know, all the girls have a bath. Oh my God. What a world to live in. All the girls have a bath. All the girls have a bath.

I think he meant, not in an essential way, sort of the blokes don't bother. No, like a spa day. Yeah, something of that. Well, I think now they just have a bath. I think he meant not in any sensual way. Sort of the blokes don't bother. No, like a spa day. Yeah, something of that. Well, I think now they just have a bath. Just for a special occasion. Oh, man.

Anyway, returning to Simon, who was talking about introducing band members with Mr... Yeah. I'll listen to a 1957 recording of Nina Simone live. I listen to, I should say. And she was introduced as Miss Nina Simone. Yes, well, I think that used to be a thing as well. Miss Peggy Lee, certainly.

You used to get a lot of that, ladies and gentlemen. Miss Shirley Bassey, even if she'd been married like six times or whatever. I did used to like that song, that In It's Simone, My Baby Just Cares, but I find it has been overused in retail environments. I just think of it as kind of like furniture stores. I knew someone who gigged with her at Ronnie Scott's

and she used to bring all her belongings on stage with her because she thought they might get stolen in the dressing room. I was going to say, car boot sale. Well, no, one of my earliest pieces of comedy advice was a guy said, always take your wallet on stage. And one night she arrived with about eight bags of grocery and took all that on as well. Really?

Yes. Didn't trust people. Did she introduce the groceries? I don't think so. And for breakfast. Did she then throw salt in people's eyes? For breakfast. Mr.

Mr. Cocoa Pop. Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. Frank, 559 my husband colin stitched press studs on the duvet and the duvet cover to stop it moving that's from nicky that's what that's his story nicky yeah i don't know if it works poppers as they started calling press studs at one point. I don't want those in the bedroom. Let's leave it there. Please, thanks.

I just get a headache. I don't know what the fuss is about. Okay, dear. I'll tell you something that happened to me this week. My battery-operated pencil sharpener ceased. That's because it's not 1974.

No, I'd say that would be one of my life-changing purchases. Oh, man. Is it on the desk? Do you know, I used to be so jealous of the teachers. That's all they had on the desk, Frank. They had a brown table and just the mounted... Oh, the one when you... Yeah.

But there's one where you turn the handle. I had one of those years ago. But this one, you literally just go... Feels like you're working at a lumber mill for a second. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. But it is such a life changer. Anyway, it went...

And I thought, okay, so it takes four AAs, batteries, just saying, and every time. Double As. Every time. Yeah. Double As, is that what they call them? Is that what they call them? Yes. Okay, so four double As, and every time I change them, I always think, as I drop them in the bin,

I bet there's only one of these gone. Yeah. I bet the other three are perfectly healthy but I can't be bothered to go through the process. Oh, I can't. Imagine that. You'd have to sit them down in numbered places on a page

so you didn't do the same combo twice. Interrogate them one by one. So I reckon we must all be throwing away loads of healthy batteries. Oh, yeah. on a page so you didn't do the same combo twice interrogate them one by one so however i written we must all be throwing away loads of healthy batteries oh yeah that's just wrong isn't it when i say throwing away obviously i take them to the battery bank maybe somebody um is he's testing them all and then they're being resold the good ones hopefully he thought about that resold the good ones hopefully you thought about that yeah yeah but who would it be some poor soul getting 20 quid an hour sitting in the shed it's gone rather bleak yeah it's gone a bit bleak sorry everyone can i would like to take us back to some subjects we've covered previously on this show okay well let's um the producer just gave me a

real dig in the side of the what would you call that part of the body the midriff flank just hit me on the trunk yes maybe the readers don't know about my trunk it's something i've kept quiet i seriously hope not it's a recent growth but, just a minute, I've got a sneeze coming on. That's better. Yes, we'll come back to those previous discussions. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. 251.

Frank, my partner has a tester to see which battery has died. He is very tight. That's Rachel in Sheffield. Yeah, well, that's not a bad idea. We shouldn't be throwing away good batteries, but maybe someone tests them at the battery bank. That's my theory. Now, you may recall I was going to take us back into the recent past.

Yes. Andy, this is our lovely readers have got in touch, just responding to things covered previously on this show. Yes, I should say people, particularly our podcast listeners, get in touch later because you can't contact us mid-podcast, obviously. Andy has reached out to us and I like this already. He had me at subject line

rock merch. Okay, sounds good. Feels like it'll be up our strata. Good morning, Frank, Emily and Pierre. I hope you are having a great morning. As a long-time listener, I've enjoyed... I don't know about great.

OK. I've enjoyed your penchant for classic rock. I haven't more that penchant for it. It was choking you a bit. OK. And the subsequent spate of live concerts. Oh, yes. You see, spate is usually only ever in a negative context.

It's usually burglaries. And other more serious offences, I'm afraid. What, like writing Till Death Was Too Part? No. That is such a niche record. Literally me and my late father are probably the only people. No, you're quite right. We can't be having niche references on this show.

No, no. Where will it end? I love it. Anyway, Andy continues. This has indeed spurred me to be now a first-time mailer as I seek your opinion on a pet hate I have as a frequent concert-goer. I find it increasingly irritating

that people will wear random rock band's T-shirts to a concert. Example, a GNR T-shirt to an ACDC gig. Can I offer an explanation? Well, let's just... Andy, he's nearly done, Frank. Surely this is the equivalent of wearing a Tranmere Rovers shirt to a Burnley match. That's a good point. On occasion, I've even asked the owner of the clothing if the band is also playing. And maybe I'd miss them on the line-up.

Bit of a git. Good friend for you. I'd welcome your opinion on this gripe. Am I alone in wanting to show my allegiance to the band I go to watch? Well, here's the thing. I think for a start off, I'm very happy to say that rock is a bit less tribal than football. Yes, I was going to say, I think this is a football mindset he's bringing. I think that one of the things you see at a lot of gigs is someone in a jacket or waistcoat almost entirely made of patches

of various bands. And they are saying, not this is my band, but this is my genre, is what they're saying. It's called a battle jacket or a battle vest. Is that what it's called?

Yeah. Is it called Castle of Arms? And also, like, Buzz last night wore a Kiss T-shirt to Iron Maiden, knowing that when we got there, I would buy him an Iron Maiden T-shirt. So I think he just picked the T-shirt that would fit most easily in my jacket pocket. Yes.

So that he could go straight into the new Maiden shirt, which he's wearing this morning. Okay. So, yeah, I'm okay with it. I mean, I love a purist, but I think actually saying, oh, are they on as well, is really, really pushing it.

But, you know, I've never been anti-petty. No. Oh, no. Have you met my anti-petty? She's a lovely, lovely woman. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Have you met my auntie Pettis? She's a lovely, lovely woman. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. You can text the show on 81215.

Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at frankontheradio. Email the show via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk do you think a good sort of remix would be to go from Under Pressure

with the finger clicking at the end straight into the Addams Family theme song oh god yeah da da da da how do you feel

about finger clicking in songs I quite like it in fact I hate 12.15 best finger clicking moments in songs.

It's a bit of She's Broke But It's Oak. Do you know what I mean? I don't mind that. I like those rhymes. I know you do. It must be a Simon and Garfunkel finger-clicking thing. Really? Surely.

Why? I just, something in my head just goes, first thing that popped into my head was, those guys will click some fingers, won't they? I can't think of any off the top of my swede. I don't know. But I mean, you'd go some to beat the Adams family.

That is forefronting finger clicking. Yeah, they're leading the way. Listen, Kim Ormston from Birkenhead has got in touch. This is in reference to what Andy, one of our listeners, was saying earlier about e-fills you should be wearing.

If you're going to wear any T-shirt to a gig, make it the T-shirt representing the band you've gone to see. Au contraire, says Kim. Just a quick pointer, that it's actually considered a metal faux pas to wear the shirt of the band you're going to the gig of. What? So that's a metal faux pas. Well, that is, I have to say, a very commonly made faux pas.

That's the case. A metal faux pas. What are the metal faux pas you could make? Assuming an That's how you know That's how you know you're on the right Tube line It's allowed for people to get on with that

T-shirt so you think oh yeah they're all going there When the lead singer is crowd surfing You pass him to the left What are other metal faux pas? Imagine if you shouted out Edward instead of Eddie. Oh, that would be embarrassing. Oh, yeah. Or Walter instead of Wally,

when people used to shout Wally at geeks. We've also... You're going to love this, Frank. You're going to love it. I feel confident. That's what people tell me about Donnie Darko. I didn't. Yeah, we didn't me about Donnie Darko. Yeah. I didn't.

Yeah, we didn't like that, did we? Yeah, it was all right. We felt a lot of pressure from our friends to like it. All our friends loved it. It's the greatest film. We hated it. But specifically Donnie Darko. Yeah.

Oh, people got obsessed by it. They told us they love it. Obviously, specifically, they can't say you'll really like films. Sure. That'd be crazy. But we just didn't like that at all. You know how people define, you must get this, they'll say, oh, you'll absolutely love it, it's perfect for you.

And then you see it and you think, what do you think I am? We had the same with The Sopranos. It's the culture. And I looked at that and thought it was like the Dormio ad. I can't be watching that. No. And everyone loved it. Still do, people still love it.

They still tell us. You know, I had it with Hamilton. It's the culture equivalent of... Unlistenable. Yes. It's the culture equivalent of being set up on a blind date. Yes, it is, exactly. You think, this is who you think I am.

You and Hamilton will get on so well. Nevertheless. I love to hear Wikipedia set to music. Nevertheless, I do not think this will be one of your Donnie Darkos. Okay, fair enough. I think you're going to get along. Well, we'll have to have a cliffhanger on this. Will Frank like this?

I'm going to call it piece of advice. Okay. Well, I'm always interested in advice in all its manifestations. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Do you...

Do you wish to hear Keith's advice? Yes. Okay. Unless it's our Keith's advice. I was going to say. And I asked you that in your teenage years, the answer might have been somewhat different.

I took his advice. That's why I became an alcoholic. Wow. Okay. Hi, Keith Stotts. In alphabetical order, Emily, Frank, Pierre. Good. A free solution, oh, I know, you'll like this,

to Frank's battery testing dilemma. Dead batteries bounce. I love that band. Just drop them all. Negative end down from about 15 centimetres. Which is negative? Is that the nipple or the flat? The flat.

Oh, pardon. It's the minus. Is it the flat? It's the flat. Okay. If Pardon, it's the minus. Is it the flat? It's the flat. Okay. If you drop them all together, you can see which ones bounce relative to the others. There are videos explaining the science,

but life is short. Sounds like witchcraft. We've also had Jonathan Hollis get in touch. He's just been in touch. He says, he acknowledges this by saying, hello again, like a sort of recurring character in a sitcom on itv hello again that could be your catchphrase jonathan like was it tristram who lived next door to george and mildred well we had a family friend

in fact who was a recurring character on fresh fields which was a 1980 sitcom. And her character was Sonia the neighbour, and her catchphrase was, Only me, Sonia. Oh, that's a good catchphrase. Okay, re-battery issues. I always do the drop test to see if a battery still has power. Simply hold the battery vertically, two to three inches above a hard, flat surface.

If it bounces, replace the battery. How about, I've never heard of bounces, replace the battery. How about... I've never heard of that in my long life. I think this is craziness. You don't... What? I'm so sceptical of the bouncing battery. See, I just think, OK, this is a great life hack.

It sounds like it's on YouTube, which surely is proof. No further questions, my lad. Yes, but I... I don't know. I don't know. How many people being questioned say, oh, well, let's not leave it there. I don't want to end on that.

OK. Would you like to hear about... I thought you were going to say swing on a star. No. No, with a finger clicking that's very finger clicking would you like

to swing on a star oh there we go okay we won't come yeah golden age of Vegas that's clicking territory

have you been to Vegas Frank Sinatra did a lot of clicking Frank do you like Vegas you know what the first few times I went to Vegas I wasn't sure about it

and then suddenly i fell for it completely did you just think is it a bit smelly i imagine it's just being a bit smelly you've got to accept um if you you know when you really embrace um tacky it can be quite enjoyable yes that's what you have to do there. Okay. I think when Frank Sinatra was clicking, it was half rhythm, half signalling to some mob goons to drag out various people from the audience. Yeah, maybe. Mob goons? Mob goons! There could be, I can imagine there being,

a modern musician called Mob Goons. Mob Goons. Yeah. Who do you most associate with mob goons i would say dean martin well no i think dean martin kept his hands fairly clean frank was um what about the kennedys they like to move yeah didn't they yeah and any boxer but often they were the dupe of mob goons rather than the controllers. Oh, do you think the mob goons took advantage of them?

Yeah, I think so, yeah. Oh, I hate it when they do that. Mob goons. The MGs. Booker T and the MGs. Booker T was absolutely in their thrall. Yes. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

Did I tell you, by the way, when I was at Download Festival with my lovely boy, Buzz... You didn't make a method faux pas, did you? Well, a guy came up to me, and I have a witness to this. He's 11, but he's honest. A bloke came up to me and said, Look, this is really really weird but can you just give me a number any number at all and i said he said it's it's a decision-making thing and i said seven he said great got it thanks very much and then just walked off oh what was that what could

that have been oh it's a ghost of Len Goodman. So, how extraordinary. Yeah. I wonder if it was odds or evens. Yeah, maybe, like Diceman thing. Yeah. I mean, eight people were killed in the McDonald's there an hour later. Oh, for God's sake, Frank. No, no, there wasn't.

Don't stop. The wife's a lie. There wasn't a McDonald's there. Also, it would only have been a problem if it was seven people killed in the McDonald's. Yeah, exactly. Well, he might have won. You know, would only have been a problem if it was seven people killed at the McDonald's. Yeah, exactly. Well, he might have won. You know, that might have been an accidental double. You could have really changed his life.

Yeah, or someone else's. Yeah. Do I split with my girlfriend or not? Oh. I wonder what it was. Anyway, if you're listening, mate. Seven. Yeah, what was it?

Paul Waite has been in touch. I went for a biblical number, so I'll probably be all right. Go on, Paul Waite. Well, this is in response. We call it our Previously section. Full disclosure, this is in response to topics that we've raised previously on this show. And Paul Waite has been in touch.

Hi, Frank and team. Having spent the last year or so catching up on the back catalogue of podcasts, it struck me that barely a week goes by without Frank visiting a zoo. What aren't we being told? That's a slight exaggeration. Because there was the week I had a crack

at the, was it Cotswold Reptile Centre and never found it. Literally never found it. It's the sign that promises so much on the motorway i just drove round and around and around and never found you never found the reptiles i did find well because they camouflage themselves that maybe you did drive through it's a drive-through maybe it's a chameleon exclusive. They're so good at the camo, those reptiles. Anyway, yes, well, yeah, it's difficult this because I know I spoke to several zoo keepers. We had a sleepover at the zoo a few weeks ago, me and my family,

and I spoke, obviously, to several of the people who work there and they said probably once a week they have to defend zoos to people. Really? But the zoos and zoos, and London Zoo, which we are members of, does a lot of educational conservation-type stuff. Yeah. Well, this is all sounding very heartwarming.

David Attenborough speaks there. I know he can be very cruel. Well, I was going to say, what does he do? I mean, I hope he's not doing illegal fights between cockrolls or anything. He's not got into that line of work, has he?

As long as they film it, he's happy with any animal violence. Dawn Gardner, Frank, has got in touch. Talking of animal violence. It's good to get it out the way before the sun comes out. Dawn Gardner, Frank, has got in touch. Talking of animal violence... It's good to get it out the way before the sun comes out. Yeah. A few years... Dawn Gardner.

Sorry. A few years back now, I was taking my toddler daughter to London Zoo. We were at the pelicans. Not a particular favourite. Oh, I like her. When you get to my age, you identify with their throats. Well.

Well. She continues, and a pigeon landed on the grass next to one. Oh, we talked about this recently, about pigeons landing amidst wild animals. I should warn you, if you have a nervous disposition, there's some brief animal violence coming up, but it's fine. Attenborough turns up the volume, robs his hands together. Presses his ear against the digital radio. Hurry up,

I especially like this. Go on. What happened to the pigeon? Within a split second, the pelican had grabbed the pigeon and swallowed it in two gulps whole. Wow.

You could briefly see it wriggling around in the pelican's gullet. I am still not a fan of pelicans. That thin membrane gullet repulses me. Again, I take exception to that. I mean, we've all had that said to us. Yeah, I know. It's a horrible way to be dumped. What I'd like to know,

and it would take the pigeon to answer this, is when you're in the throat, can you actually see through? Can you see the outlines of zoo visitors through the pelican's throat? Would you be banging, saying, help, help? But imagine, you can see sort of shadows

moving about before the third gulp and you go into digestive juices, Teresora. Oh dear. Oh dear. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. Simon of Sudbury has been in touch.

Ah. AKA597. How about King of the Road? Now that's finger-clicking good. Trailers for sale or rent. Do-do-do-do. Rooms to let faff their sins. Is that Scottish? I do the proclaiming version. King of the Rude. Yeah. King of the Rude. I do the proclaiming version.

King of the rude. King of the rude. I do that. Is that finger clicking? I think they might. Yeah, I think they could be, yeah. Okay. And then 5, 2, 3, Mob Goons.

I think we've got this week's podcast title. By the way, I've always wondered who decides on the podcast episode title? Not us, actually. It's one of the few decisions we hand over to what I believe Gru would call his minions. I imagine Frank keeps a little list

of potential titles as you're doing the show, then picks the best one. That's from Matt in Sonny Valencia. If I did, they'd be better. Oh, come, come. Hey, I happen to like the titles.

Yeah, I find they're basically designed to give away a major poncho. Oh, please. They have to tempt Frank and Lula.

Oh. Exactly. What, click tease? Is that what's going on? Click bait? Yeah. Click tease is something else. No, no. What, clicktease? Is that what's going on? Clickbait? Yeah. Clicktease is something else.

No, no, it isn't. It sounds like something else. I really want to move on immediately. All right. Okay, this is really unfortunate, the territory we've entered. Let's move over to Iceland. Oh, okay. And communicate with...

Oh, I'd say while we're in Iceland, can I ask you a question? Oh, okay. And communicate with... While we're in Iceland, can I ask you a question? When I was growing up in the West Midlands, one of my favourite meals, and I mean this, this is from the heart, was faggots and peas. Oh, I see. We're not in Reykjavik. Faggots and peas, as they used to call them.

Brains, faggots. So, moshi peas I still find readily accessible and eat them quite a lot. But I don't see faggots for sale in the frozen sections of Supermarket. Not outside of the West Midlands, no. But why not? There's nothing there of a spread. See, I was having meatballs in an Italian restaurant, no, in a Greek restaurant actually, and I thought,

these are lovely, but they're not like the brains faggots of yesteryear. Is there anyone out there can tell me. What are they made from? You know it's sort of haggis world. They're made from parts of an animal that you don't want to see on the ingredients list. Why do they call the company brains?

It doesn't sound very appetising does it? You wouldn't call a food meat based company brains. Mrs Weston next door to us, who we used to take a Sunday lunch round for every week, and she'd be sitting there with a massive spoon waiting for it to arrive. She had brains on toast as a regular thing. Did she?

Yeah. Was she a zombie? No, she was very clever. Was she? No, she wasn't. It doesn't work like that. It's not as... We are what we clever. No, she wasn't. It doesn't work like that. It's not as...

We are what we eat. No. Anyway, I'm going to take us over to the other Iceland. Oh, yes, yes. Have you been? I highly recommend it. I have been, actually, yeah. Gary in Iceland with a double R.

Hi, guys. Love the show. As you were recently talking about lions eating landing pigeons in London Zoo, I thought I'd tell you about an experience I had a couple of years ago in China. I'll just set us up here. I visited an endangered big cat park in the far northeast of China where you drive into the Siberian tiger's enclosed habitat in a jeep. Fantastic.

What could possibly go wrong? Yeah. Well, we'll find out. I got stripes across my shoulders. Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. Well, I left us do you remember we were discussing gary in iceland yes and he just

entered the big cat park in the far northeast of china siberian tigers wandering around and he's in a Jeep. Not unlike a 90s, 70s style nosely safari park. Are you familiar with that? Nosely. He's put nosely. Anyway, but the big difference being that for an extra $10, the driver, I'm afraid this is, again, if there's anyone listening who doesn't want to hear about animal violence

do absent yourself Only Attenborough gave those warnings Rather than treating it like a sort of happy slapping project Yeah Just to warn you, we're going to see some fabulous killings And this really is my favourite bit.

For $10, for an extra $10... Look out behind you. Oh, you didn't. Something, things David Attenborough never says. Look out behind you. Or kapow. Go on. For an extra $10, the driver throws a live chicken, I'm afraid.

I know, I know, it's very cruel. Though I think Alice Cooper did that once, threw one into the audience. And it is described as fun for all the family. Oh, no. Yeah. But the main reason I share this is to say that they also had a few, is it ligers? Mm. Is there a cross between a lion and a tiger?

The rare mated cross of a tiger and a lion. Yeah. I'm afraid genetically they are both infertile and obese. Right. We've all been there, didn't we? Yeah, exactly. They were less entertaining. And I'm afraid they were too overweight to even chase the chickens.

Really? Why did they get overweight? Both slim animals. I always thought both the lion and the tiger were famed for their lovely trim waist. Yeah, exactly. I saw a Z-donk at Colchester Zoo. What's that like? Is it stripy then? Well, I'll tell you what was weird about it. It wasn't much of a mash-up. Oh, was it

not? Is it more donk or Z? I think the mash-up had fallen down the stairs a bit. So it was basically front half donkey, back half zebra. Oh, was it? It was a bit pantomime horse. Sort of Frankenstein stitched together. Yeah, exactly.

It looked like somebody had tried to put some roadkill together. Oh, was it a bit Nightmare Before Christmas? I remember I touched it on the snout. It was very important to me at the time that I could say I'd touched a Z-donk. What was it like? I remember it showed its teeth when I touched it. It was a risk looking back. Yeah, with your history.

Yeah, exactly. We've also had so many... I touched the donk side. And I liked it. The donk side. What if he had been talking about a Z-donk? Beware of the donk side. Come over to the donk side

or you'll get kicked. Exactly. Our readers have, a lot of them, have been in touch regarding brains faggots. Do you think somebody at the donkey threshold,

the donkey house, said what would be a good animal for crossing? And somebody said, well, obviously. Yeah. Bit rude one, I know, but... The zebra.

Yeah. Pelican's too difficult. Yes. You know what they're like. And also, I never did like that gossamer-thin gullet. No. No. I don't know.

He played well for Holland. Oh, come on, Frank. That's good. Okay. Are we done? I think we are. Well, I just want to close by saying thank you to all our readers

who've been in touch to reassure us from 743 to 618 that Brains faggots are still very much available. Are they? Emma purchased some this morning. I mean, it is mainly our readers in Birmingham. Oh, okay. But, yeah. Oh, OK. But, yeah.

Oh, man. Faggots and bays. 618 tells us, Frank, Tesco always have brains, faggots. Other stores are available, be it Birmingham Tesco or Birmingham Tesco.

Or Wolverhampton Tesco. Or Northumberland. Also, I've seen them in Poundland freezers, too. That's from Rachel. A Northumberland in Brum. See, she's in... They can't just sell them in Poundland freezers too. That's from Rachel, a Northumbrian in Brum. See, they can't just sell them in the Midlands. I don't know.

What about the Exiles? I mean, no one is texting saying, the faggot's always available in the Islington Waitrose. No, I know. Oh, man, just talking about him is making my mouth generate fluid. So, Sarah Champion is up next. Do listen to Sarah. And thanks for listening to us.

And you know what? If the good Lord spares us and the creeks don't rise, we'll be back again this time next week. Now get out. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. Get out.