The Frank Skinner Show - Never Had a Dream

Episode Date: October 5, 2026

Frank and Em are in the studio with comedian Brennan Reece. Brennan has never had a dream?! Frank talks about his first time on television, and Em reveals the most erotic thing a man can do… If you want to message the show, email us at [e-mail] or WhatsApp us on 07457 417 769 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

New from Nespresso. Blend wellness into your coffee routine with the coffee plus range, infused with functional benefits. Choose the coffee you love with added B vitamins, like coffee plus B12 to help support immune function, and coffee plus B6 to keep your day moving. Or go with the flow and choose ginseng delight. Our new double espresso with ginseng extract. Whatever lies ahead, don't change your morning. Let your morning change you.

Discover Coffee Plus on nispresso.com. Hello, mid-sized business. We see your big ambitions, but how do you achieve the wins you want when your technology is holding you back? SAP Grow is built to grow with your business, no matter its size, with AI embedded at its core,

working across every system, all ready to go from day one so you can hit the ground running. Bring it with SAP Grow, AI Cloud, ERP for any size business. It's Frank off the radio. It's the Frankskinner podcast. Yes, don't you know.

Come fly with me. Come float down to Peru. In Lama Land, there's a one-man band that'll toot his flute for you. No, thanks. Oh, I promise. So, this is Frank Offter Radio. I'm joined by Emily Dean and Brennan Reese. He's with us.

Follow the podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via Frank Offer Radio to Avilon UK.com. What's up, what's up? What's up? Oh, 7457. 417-7-6-9. 07-4-5-7-4-1-7-6-9. I went to a gig at the weekend.

What gig? To see, it's a French. Think they're Swiss French? But they sounded, God am French to me. And they were called, I think it's Laten. done it, my, my, uh, le, as in L-E and then T-E-N-E. Oh, okay. Do you think Le T-M as that sound right?

And what vibe was it? What type of, not that you've just played? Well, let's put it this way. I loved it. My wife said to me, and my wife is a massive music fan, uh, who likes all sorts of strange things as I do, said to me, I'll tell you what, about halfway through the gig, she looked at me and said, do you like? And I said, yeah.

And she raised their eyebrows. And I thought, oh, no. And at the end, I said, you didn't like it, did you? She said, it gave me tinnitus and a panic attack. I mean, that's a review, isn't it? So is that a yes or a no? No, I'm pretty sure that's a no. So, Frank, is it Latin as in T-E?

Yeah. Yeah, so it refers to Iron Age culture. Okay. It literally means the shallows in French. I looked that up, I didn't know that. That's where the only place I feel truly safe in water. And me in culture. So there we go.

Oh, that isn't true. It's not true. I, although I did hear Peter Stringfellow interviewed once on a show and a woman in the audience said, do you know Peter Stringfellow? Spearmint Rino Man? Yeah. Very good, nearly.

Yeah, he was... Well, Stringfellows, it's called. Stringfellas. No, Spearmant Rhino is. a little bit more, he was a little bit worse. Oh, okay. Yeah. He was a darker character.

Yeah. So, I don't know, the owner of Spearmint, right? I think Peter Strindfellow belonged to an age when it was a bit sort of panto this whole stuff. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. But anyway, a woman in the audience said, you've got an 18-year-old wife. He was about 42. He said, what do you find to talk about?

He said, oh, well, I've got an advantage there because I'm very shallow. said with like, you know, lucky me. Offered as a life hack. And to be fair, he was. I did. I loved him for that. So, yeah, they do songs at last about, well, let's put it this way.

They did an hour and 25 minute set. They did five songs. Not for me. And they're just, they had two bag pipes who were involved. This sounds worse. Oh no, but it was great. It must have felt longer than an hour and 25 with two.

bagpipes. Not to Frank. But they weren't bagpipes that you're blowing to. They're bagpipes. There's like an air thing under the armpit and you pump them up as you play. I think they're Breton pipes. But was it still playing that sort of... They sound like breast pumps.

Yeah, that fox. Pregnant fox. Yeah, pregnant fox. Yeah. Would you see them again, the shallows? Oh, God. Not the shallows. Yeah, but I'm calling them the English translation of this.

Definitely see them again. And if I met them, I'd call them the shallows. I'm just using your English name. I've been listening to them all week since. I've never been to a gig with my wife where we've had. Even Abba Voyage, I was able to say, yes, I see some merit in the songwiser. She couldn't see anything in Latin. She couldn't wait to get out.

I thought she'd gone at one point. She went to the toilet and didn't come back. And I thought she's actually. walked out. She was having a minute, won't she? She's left being dalsed. On a Saturday night. It's horrible. Being trapped in a gig when you don't like the music. I had a moment, not too

long ago, I took my new girlfriend, or newest girlfriend. Congratulations, well done. I mean, we've been going out of a year, but we went to go and see Rayla Montania. Do you know what they... Yeah. I think he's American... Yeah. And he was doing a 20-year anniversary of an album called Trouble. So I got two tickets

and then couldn't find anyone to go with, so she said, I'll go with you. And... Hold on, did you not ask her first? No. Right, okay. No. Well, hang on, Frank.

What do you think about that? Well, I don't know. If I was going to go to a gig, I'd probably say to my wife. But that's why you're married. Yeah, but if I had a girlfriend, she'd be my first call. I just knew it wouldn't be a full vibe. Fair enough. Fair enough.

I think it's fair. Within two songs, I saw her twitching in her chair and I thought, this is going to be long. And she said, are they doing the whole album? And I said, and more. She was fuming. No, I mean, there is something brilliant about going. Like we mentioned art galleries on the last podcast. Art galleries on your own can be great.

I've stood in front of a picture for 15 minutes and it is lovely to think no one is going, fuck, sack. You know, it is nice. And I feel so glamorous and mysterious on my own at an art gallery. I just feel gay. Isn't that the same thing? I think it probably is, actually. Thank God that's progress.

I also went to see Avengers Endgame Encore. What's that? Is it a Marvel movie? It is a Marvel movie, but what they have done, and this is a masterstroke, I think, is that another Avengers film is coming in December. So they've said, I guess you guys have forgotten a lot of the story from the last one,

as if there's no Disney Plus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or DVDs or anything. Yeah, so they said we're going to bring out, we're going to bring our end game, but we're going to add some 20 minutes of new material. Oh, they did? Yeah, so, of course, we all went and paid to see.

But that was 20 minutes of off cuts. Hang on, you paid to see 20 minutes of something. Well, yeah, I mean, not only that, but a lot of it was... How much was the tickets, Frank, for 20 minutes? I don't know. I can't call my P.A. I'd have a podcast. Just ask me, I'm here. So, I'll tell you one thing about it as well.

This is true of all Marvel and DC films. Yes. Is that nobody leaves until the lights come on at the end. Why? Because they keep putting in these post-credit extras. It's like a YouTube advert. Do you know when it pops up? Yes.

That's what happens. I kind of love those ones, but then they got a bit rubbish when Harry Stiles turned up. And I like Harry Stiles, but he was in one of them once. No, he's never been in a Marvel one. He has. I swear to God. He was in a Marvel post-credit sequence. He was in, he was meant to be Thanos's brother.

Harry Stiles off of... God, I know nothing of this. And he popped out, and I can't remember what his character was called, but he was in all the get-up. He was in a uniform. and he was sort of marching around quite camply, a bit like Bowie. Thanos' brother? Was he purple with the corrugated chint?

Oh, okay. Still sounds Greek. Yeah. I think it might have been at the end of the Eternals. I assume Thanos was Greek with a name like that. Do you think? Yeah, I think getting rid of 50% of the population was the equivalent of throwing plates at the wall.

But more cosmic. Anyway, yeah, so it was, I sat next to a bloke. You know when people talk in the film, especially if they know the film really well. Oh, I can't bear that. Yeah, well, he didn't do that. But what he did is he mimed. What do you mean? Every hand gesture that was significant, like bringing out a sword or Doctor Strange making

one of those portals. Oh, yeah. He did every one of those. So he knew the film back to free? You can't reprimand someone for miming in the cinema. Doing cinema karaoke, essentially. Exactly. It was like someone who was doing Avengers Endgame We.

Avengers Endgame Encore. Yes. It's not as bad as I thought. It's worse. What I'm going to say about it. You're Googling it now. Yes, I need to know the price. You didn't believe me.

No, I did believe you. I didn't know what you'd spent on it. Well, I saw it at the IMAX in Leicester Square. I would describe the price as worse than I hoped, better than I feared. It was £10.99 of Frank Skinner's fortune. Not bad. It was each ticket. Do you think that's a lot?

I think it was more than that. Well, for 20 minutes. Well, that is for the Acton. I don't think you'd go to Acton. You might have been in Leicester Square. No, I was in Leicester Square. Okay, fine. It's probably a bit more.

I think it might be double. But you know what? I loved it again. Well, that's what matters, darling. Exactly. You love your little superheroes. Absolutely. I loved it.

Do you have a favourite? Superhero? Well, unfortunately, I do. But when I tell you what it is, you'll think, is that your best fucking shot that you can come up with? I don't think I know this. My favourite superhero is Superman. Okay.

But it's like I told Emily, I once had a dream that I was walking up this dark stairway. When I got to the top, Dracula was there. And when I woke up, I thought, for fuck sacks. Is that the best I can do? Route 1, Dracula. You know, I thought I had an imagination. Yeah.

Do you know? Nasty Nick probably dreams about Dracula in his nightmare. I think in his real life as well. I've never had a dream in my life. That is true. I didn't like that S Club 7 song. You've never had a dream. No.

You've got to have a dream. If you don't have a dream, how are you going to have a dream come true? just up and now. It's a song called Happy Talky Talk. Oh yeah, yeah. We don't sing it anymore. No, we don't. No, we don't.

We can sing the Captain Sensible version. Yeah. What you can't do, you can't do the voice or you've lost. It was from a musical. No, but hold on a minute. What's your name again? Brandon. Brandon.

Brandon, right? He was about to call you Barak. Yeah, Brandon Rose has never had a dream. Come true. This is not a comic moment. This is not a thing. You must have had a dream.

No, I haven't. So when people tell me about them, I think it's crazy. So you don't know what it's like to wake up and still think. Does it have a name this phenomenon? Well, I'm going to find out, Frank. So basically, I don't sleep deep enough to get to the dream bit. You don't have REM. Yeah.

Okay. So I'm a big sleepwalker. You've got to get your REM. Otherwise you won't be with us long. You see, I thought a sleepwalking was a sort of dream. So did I. I thought you were dreamt. You were walking and you were walking.

Maybe he'd have that instead. Like when I used to dream in my drinking days, I was pissing the bed. Lo and behold. You were pissing the bed? Yeah. Oh, this is lovely. Wow. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't. So I'll walk around, but I don't wake up and go, oh, I've seen a little film. Well, I called it. I look this up. I've seen a little film. Not only to that, but my dreams often have 20 minutes completely new material. Do they? Yeah, exactly.

Oh, I'd love a bit of that. Well, I tell you what, apparently what you're experiencing, you have, I mean, I don't like the way, it's a bit negative, but you have what is called dream recall failure. So you do have dreams. Yeah, you just, everyone dreams, but even Ray dreams. How do they know that everyone dreams? It's how sleep and REM works, I guess, isn't it? I've always been tortured by the fact that dogs dream. So, like, do you ever hear poppy dreaming?

Yes. Oh, when they make noises, I can't. And they gallop? No, they don't. Yeah. They twitch. How rubbish are their dreams? Like, what do they dream of?

Just a piece of old grass or something? Cheese? I bet they green. No, you're thinking of mice. Dogs love cheese. Do you know my's dream? That would be a good day. That was once I once said.

Sci-fi novel. Yeah. I once said Richard Madeley discussing that on this morning. Did you? What babies dreamed of? No, but what worries me, let's say you had an Excel bully. Yeah. And it dream you were kicking the shit out of it.

When it woke or would it rip you to a piece? I think they don't think I just had a dream. They do know. They do. How do they know they have no concept of an inner life? Yeah, they don't know reality and sleep reality. They don't. They just think, why did you do that to me?

Exactly. Oh, no. Maybe that's what, may they be their dreaming hard. Maybe that's their main problem. I dream they can fly. The next day they'll be off your balcony, confidently. Must have happened. Well, that's very...

At least you'd owe to that thing of boring people by telling them dreams. Well, there is, I tell her like there is something called Charcot Wille-Willibrand syndrome, which means that you actually completely stop dreaming. Didn't he start an Oscar Wilde short story? Alginon. Mr. Charcot-Willi-Bron. I'm afraid. Mr. Charcot Willowbran will be arriving this afternoon.

Oh, God, not that dreadful bore. He's here to tell me about his dreams again. There is nothing more boring than listening to people's dreams, except their problems. Well, I can't work out what's going on with you. It's very interesting, though. It is interesting, isn't it? Because I don't dream like I, at least I don't remember them like I used to,

but I still, I don't think I've ever. woke up and not recalled one dream I've had that night. It makes me feel sad because I reckon I'd have good ones. Well, I've found that the erotic ones stop when you're about 25. Oh, don't talk about this. But that's when I went to an old, like a horrible old boy school and everyone was talking about, you know, what happens when you have naughty dreams. Oh dear.

And I, you know. Yeah. Oh, God. Oh, I feel like I've not lived a life. It's not rendered. Brendan, it's great. You've got it wrong seven times on the last podcast. Okay.

Okay. Now you've done something like Barak and Brendan. I'm just thinking. Brennan Rees. I'm thinking British Rail. Okay. BR. But that's not going to help you.

No. Didn't help me with Joe Wilkinson and Jet Wightall. We're going to set up a WhatsApp group about you. It's a sort of, you know, the first television appearance I ever made, I was introduced as Frank Spencer. So maybe that's. He spent the rest of your life getting revenge. Exactly on anyone.

That was Arthur Smith, you know. Did the crowd go crazy as well? They thought Frank Spencer was coming up? What was your first TV appearance, right? They didn't go crazy for that name or the correct one. Frank, what was your first TV appearance? It was a London weekend television programme called First Exposure. Oh, I don't like, was it a bit nasty Nick on this special channel?

It was new comedians getting their first break. And I'd done my first gig in December 87, and that show was recorded in April 88. So it was a quick break. You must have been really nervous, or were you not? I can't know. I remember seeing, I saw my first lesbian. I don't know.

That I recognised as such. And she had a tweed suit on and was smoking a pipe in the green room. I thought, wow, that's exactly what I wanted lesbians to be like. I don't want these lipstick lesbians. I want the ones with the meersham. Apologies. But I was too frightened to speak to her. Frightened?

No, I was admiring of her. It sounds like one of your dreams. No, well, it was a dream come true. And he never looked back after that. No, I never looked back. No. Which is why I'm such a terrible driver. He's not, I would describe him as a very cautious driver.

Do you think that's fair? I'm a shit driver. I don't think you're a shit driver. I can't park. So all the time I'm driving, all I'm thinking about is, oh God, I'm going to have to park the end of all this. As if this isn't enough. A four-hour drive of just panicking about parking.

Yeah, exactly. New from Nespresso. Blend wellness into your coffee routine with a coffee plus range, infused with functional benefits. Choose the coffee you love with added B vitamins, like coffee plus B12 to help support immune function, and coffee plus B6 to keep your day moving. Or go with the flow and choose ginseng delight.

Our new double espresso with ginseng extract. Whatever lies ahead, don't change your morning. Let your morning change you. Discover Coffee Plus on espresso.com. Hear that? It's your money calling. It wants a promotion. Elevate your savings with the Scotia high-interest savings account.

Always earn high regular interest rates that grow the more you save and invest. Conditions apply. Visit Scotia Bank. com slash hisa to learn more. Scotia Bank. You're richer than you think. From morning hockey with a cup of coffee to Timbits and road trips. Tim's and Canadian Tire have always gone together.

Now it's official. You can now earn Canadian Tire money at Tim's. Link your Triangle Rewards and Tim's Rewards accounts to earn twice with every Tim's run. Terms and conditions apply. Visit timhordens.com slash triangle for details. I wouldn't worry. I think it's quite a toxic male thing to be an exceptional. I've decided.

Yeah, probably. I watched a bloat once and he was going fucking mad in this car, but he had his kids in the car. He's going to far, fuck! Someone had parked with their wheels over the line of a bay.

There was one bay left. And then he did that thing of putting his right hand on the steering wheel and then just robbing it in a circular motion. He didn't use the left. I find it a dream.

I'd love to be able to do that. I find it quite erotic that. I'm not going to lie. Did you say, what a dream? Mind your own fucking business. And he put one hand on the passenger seat and he did this quick circular motion one way, quick. And he was in the space.

It was incredible. But he was a vile, monstrous man. And I thought... Have you got his number? I thought... That's just my time. I thought, I think... It wasn't obvious,

but I think I'd rather be a decent man who can't park. I'm a 10 and 2 person. I wasn't one. 100% that that was the right decision. I'd like to be able to part like that. Oh, brilliant. Do you think they're exclusive of each other? Yes.

Next question. Like the men who take their jumpers off over their heads instead of sort of wriggling out of them. What, they go? No, they use one hand to pull it over. Do you do that, Frank? No, I can't get back that far. But that's my most erotic thing.

Is it? What about those men? Oh, I'm obsessed by it. That's why I have no offense. Do you know what she's on about, Brendan? Yeah. When they just go like, one fails sweet. Just you doing the action is problematic for me.

I can't really look at you now. What about the men off adverts that sort of do it like a t-shirt where they cross over? Oh, yeah. It's a bit feminized. I like one hand. Do you know what I'm talking about? One hand, guys. Look, I just stand with my hands right.

So my wife goes, skin the rabbit. And then she takes it off for me. Hands up. Anyway, yeah, I don't think I could do that one hand over the shoulder thing. I've been worried about pulling a big fold of flesh over. Oh, do you know? If a man does that, that's it. Well, that's worth knowing for anyone listening.

I once got stuck in a jumper in a shop, quite a small shop. What do you mean? I put on a jumper that was too small. Oh, it's a shame. Instead of going into the change rooms, I just put it on. And it was only me and the shop person in there. And I was like, this is too tight. And it was like a vintage Adidas Originals top.

And as I tried to pull my arms out of it, I ripped the armpit. And I could, through the hole of the outfit, I could see the chopper staring at me. Through the hole in the armpit. I don't want you to make it a great 1960s spy. The newspaper with two holes in, do you remember that trope? I would also sew by the thriller through the hole of the armpit.

Oh yeah. And so what happened? Did you have to pay? Because breakages must be paid for, Frank. I should have paid, but I just put it back quite apologetically. Now, that is, I got caught in a jumper and had to leave the horse racing. Oh, really? Anyway, what's your life?

You live in Manchester, is that right? Yeah, I live in Manchester, yeah. How does that work with being a comedian? Because I'll be honest, can I tell you something? I was talking about people to do this show, and I said, what about Billy Rose? Frank. It's getting ridiculous.

Who I work with in Edinburgh. He was very funny. seemed easy to get on with. That was what I said, right? In that order. You can't tell people it seemed easy to get on with. It's quite, it's quite personal, saying that to someone's face. I know, but it's, you don't want, it's alright, but you don't want someone who's funny, but, you know, a nightmare, obnoxious. What about us? No, no. That's our double act, funny and obnoxious. I think you can get used to anything. But then they sent to me, the thing is he doesn't live in

London. And I said, oh, okay, I can't be bothered. What's the point of him? I can't be bothered with that. I'm stuck on a train, you know, and all that. My train's been cancelled. So I don't know. You've ended up, I'll be honest with you. The train I got on was very star-studded.

Tell us all. So it wouldn't be like, maybe one of them's an A-lister. So there was three people and I saw them at the train station. We were in first class? No, but they were. Oh, okay. Oh, you had a little gander, though. I was on the platform and I thought, first of all,

I saw the actor Pearce Quigley. I know Pierce Quigley, who was in the detectorists or something. He's in the detectorist? He's in The Gentleman. Yes. He's in Small Prophets? You like small profits. You like small profits, Frank, don't you?

I did like it, but I don't know who Pierce Quigley. He's he the main guy. He's the elderly gentleman. Yeah. He's not elderly, you see? He is quite elderly. I'd say. He's more elderly than I.

I'm so I don't think of him as elderly. I thought he was one of them open-coming green horns. Frank thinks of him as one to one to one. I'd say he's about 60. First exposure, that's what I'm looking for him. No, you're right, he's about 63. Is he that old? Yeah.

He's got very white hair. Oh, I've just checked. I'm sorry, 62, I think he is. I think he's, I thought he looked like, you know those people who look old, but you think, I bet they aren't. Oh, do you think, who's that? I lost me money on Reese, Rees Quigley.

Pierce. No, Pierce Quigley. This is Reis. This is Brennan Reese. That is Pears Quigley. Pierce Quickly. No, not Quickly. It's not a Shakespearean tavern character.

Pierce Quigley. Pierce Quigley sounds like someone with a ribena. Pierce Quigley is like Samuel Pepys, isn't it? That's what I said it's like Shakespearean Tavern. It's not that. He was brilliant in... Small profits. Small profits.

So back to Billy Ray, Cyrus. You saw... If only Man City had stuck to Small Profit. Now that is exceptional. I don't often say that, but that really is, right. Okay, so Pierce Quigley was on there. Pierce Quigley. So I've started with...

So he was in first class. He was in first class. Did you have any interaction with him? No, because I... Sorry, what did you say? I said he's changed. No, you said he's fucking changed. Well, yeah, he is.

You didn't know he was three minutes ago. The man in the shed. He probably got... Poor man is in his 60s. He's probably working. He probably paid for a minimal... little upgrade. No, someone else.

Someone was paying for him to, because he lives in Manchester. Some of us do it. Yeah. Anyway, Pierce Quilly. That's why he's never been on the podcast. Pierce.

I can't trust him turning up. Because you're calling Mistress Quickly or something. I can't trust him doing a two-hour trying journey at his age. So Pierce Quigley, then I think he's not a Radio 1 presenter anymore. Nihal. Nihal. Yeah, so he was on.

And then the showstopper. Come on. Very tiny. woman, Amelda Stormton. Yeah. Do you know, you've got three big hitsers, I would say, there. Yeah. I'd be happy with all of those.

Were they all in first class? You're all in first class. And do you know what my first thought was? Go on. Was it knee hell to a grasshopper? God, Frank, really? That was my first sob, but I thought I won't say it. And then you did?

I thought I need to phone someone and run it by them. And then you did. And then I did. There's his autobiography. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I thought if this train crashes, I'm not being mentioned once in this. No.

Maybe. You're not getting to the fourth person. Did you have any interaction with the three of them? No, but you just looked at them from afar and thought, what a lie. I gave Amelda Stanton sort of like skinny lips smile eyebrows up. Did she smile back? Yeah, she did. I've worked with Amelda Stanton.

Oh, yeah. What did you work with her on? On a pilot for a about a pirate ship. Oh, did she? A pirate pilot, I worked on. Shouldn't it be a captain? Not pilot. No, yeah, it should have.

They do have pilots at sea. They bring, they do. Pilots are the people that take a small boat to the large boat that can't come in all the way. And then it brings in the people to the actual bay. So they're like Deliveroo? They're a bit like Deliveroo. I like that very childlike explanation. It brings in all the people to the bay.

Well, you can't. If they're a five-year-old, explaining how it works. All the people, they did get brought into the bay. And a little boat. And then they go on a big boat. By the pilot. No, I went out with someone his dad was a pilot. Oh, really?

So I knew that. At Harwich. A ship's pilot. Yeah, exactly. I love a position of authority on transport. You'd love it when you see it. They put their arm around the back and then they get a big wheel. I did have a crush on a, I nearly dated a pilot one.

Did you? Yeah. It never went the distance. Was it a Ryan Air Pilot then? A pilot or a pirate? A pilot, Frank. I didn't date a pirate. No.

They're rich. He was long haul. They're not that rich. He worked for, I don't know if I should say the airline. But he worked for, you know, one of the bigans. But I realised at that point there's a big status thing with the long haulers. So if you do Australia, that's considered, you know, top of the tree. Yeah.

Someone told me once that on the long call flights that the air hostesses sleep in the overhead bins. I've seen those. But I want to see one of them getting in. I've seen them. Oh, yeah? I've seen the bins. Have you seen the beds? No.

Okay. I'm worried you're going to tell a terrible story now. Yeah, I think you're not going. I knew where you were going and I don't like it. I'm not going to tell it. It's not that terrible. It is quite bad. Okay.

Do you like how obedient is to me? I'd like that you can catch it before. It's like to see it say it's sorted. Exactly. Exactly. If you see something, Frank Skinner is going to say. Yeah. Please tell a member of staff.

Of that. How did we get on to the pilot? Well, we were talking about. You know, that used to be a figure of terror in my childhood. The pilot might go out. The pilot light? The pilot light. And was that on the gas cooker?

Yeah. And if it went out, there was just raw gas coming into the house. So how did you stop it going out? So someone gets up the next morning, goes, Oh, pilot lights, whoa! When they strike the match. We're very worried about gas. You know, people would be killing themselves with gas,

which I don't think you can do now. Why not? Because would it just not let you do that and go off. It would make you ill now. Yeah. But then there was something in gas, which was highly toxic. So people would put their head in the gas of them

would be the thing. I mean, it was pretty grim, but it was talked about a lot. Yeah. Isn't that what Ted Hughes off of high school anthologies did? No, that was his wife. Oh.

Yeah, not Ted Hughes. So I feel rather inappropriate changing the subject back to the celebrities you saw on the train. From Sylvia Plath. Apologies for the This Morning gear change. Anyway, she was very nice. Can I say Imelderston?

Was she? Oh yes, because you work with her, that's it, okay. Oh, yeah, on a pirate ship, pilot. I was an animatronic parrot. I didn't see this. So there was a pilot, a parrot, a pirate. Yeah, I was, no, it was never broadcast. It was, but I did the, it was called Jasper Parrot,

and so they got me in because of my accent. Why was it never broadcast? You know, pilot. Because it was called Jasper Parrot. Oh, I see it was just the pilot. No, it wasn't called that. It was called. No, it is because of.

I can't remember what it was called but it was, no, it didn't. Not many pilots, it didn't make that. What was Amelda Stormton on the ship? Do you remember? She was one of the crew, but I can't remember. The captain of the ship was Prunella Scales from... Oh, it's very feminist this production.

She had a large beard in it. And I said to her, I met her, like two nights after... Don't we all when we get to a certain age? Two nights after, coincidentally, I mean. met her at this do. And I said, sorry, I'm really sorry about this. I couldn't work out whether you were playing a man, hence you had a beard, or you were playing a woman that wore a false beard. And she said, neither could I, darling. She didn't know either. No. It couldn't be bothered to us.

Do you know what I like? She just turned up and did it. Yeah, exactly. Do you remember Johnny Briggs, what he said to my mother, Frank, when she was working with him? He played Mike Baldwin. Something about facing the right direction. No, he said you say your, you turn up, you say your lines, you get paid, you go home. Tragic. A job that many would kill for. They've used the techniques. They've studied three years at drama school.

One of my friends' mums was a professional extra in the Nicom factory. I bet he could part one-handed. Oh my God, Mike Baldwin would so part one-handed. I don't, she don't want to know what he's doing with the other hand, Mike. No. He would have been busy. And they'll definitely. but there might be some Lambert and Butler involved as well.

Now, here's more Rothmans. What were you going to say, at Friend of yours, mum? So one of my friend's mum's was a professional extra. Full-time. That was her job in the Knicker Factory. So she just pretend to sell all day. What was it called that? Was it called Baldwin's Factory or something?

It's called Underworld. Yeah, very good. I don't know why I know that, but I know it. I love that. So she was an extra? Yeah, but that was just a full-time job to work in a Knicker factory. A faux knicker factory. But never make any nice.

knickers. Oh my goodness. No, but you wouldn't have to make knickers. In the knicker factory? Well, if you're an extra, you want to need to be seen walking across carrying something and maybe taking the lid off a singer sewing machine. But you can't build your part up too much or you get in trouble. You don't want to actually be producing garments.

No, but I've no extras they've spoken to and said you're building up your part too much. Yeah. Have you ever seen the thing of Benedict Cumberbatch's mom online? No. In one of the X-Men films are... She was a big actress. She's a big actress, but he gave her as a joke a sort of small part as a congregation at a wedding or a funeral. I think it's a wedding and she's behind.

Bless her, I can say this because she's my parents' generation of sort of performers, very rarader. So it's a big performance for a smaller part. That's all. Let's leave it there. I did a thing recently. Reiss. Recently. That's the biography, Frank.

No. No, it's terrible. It's the worst thing I've ever said. I'm sorry. Well, I had to deal with... It isn't the worst thing you've ever said. Not even in the top hundred. I had to deal with the supporting artists.

And one of them came up to me with a backstory and was like, I'm your wife. I was like, you're not. And they were like, so they could stand near me to be in the thing. Everywhere I was, there she was. She was like, I'm your wife. Oh, wow. And what was this that you were? I'm not allowed to say.

Oh, I understand. Frank, we've got a celebrate with us. Were you tempted to say to anyone? I'm a bit worried about that extra. She's playing my wife and no one else knows. Do you know what the bad thought in my head was? Not. You wish.

Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, miscast. Yeah. I thought it was cast. This is our of order. Yeah, ponching off.

Wow. You should have said that. You're punching up a bit. I'm actually, actually we just went, as it. Yeah. Where do we file for divorce? You know, when my brother was an extra on a sitcom, I didn't know that. I didn't know that.

Orchise. And someone said, how did you get the job? And he said, I used to sleep with the writer. Which he did, but we were like 12. You can't say no. That's awful. Oh, very fine. And he said the bloke had said to him, yeah, I'm not actually an extra.

I'm just researching a short story. Oh, did he? Oh. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. A new winter change is blowing. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. I'm not totally sure how it's going. Thanks for listening to the podcast.

Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via Frank Off the Radio at Avalon. UK.com. And here, the Mona Lisa, gazed into Mona's eyes in perfect health with no undiagnosed problems and her optic nerve in excellent condition.

Anyone here got eyes like Mona? Mine are brownish. Not enough people know about their eye health. That's why OCT scans are included in every standard eye exam at Specsaver's locations. Should have gone to Specsavers. Book an eye exam today. Eye exams provided by independent optometrists.

Contact your local spec savers for details. Where some see heroes and others see egos. Bloomberg sees the era of billionaire athletes. A fad to some, the future of money to others. We see crypto's trillion-dollar swings. The end of jobs or the end of human struggle. We see the endless funds fueling the AI hype. While others follow the noise,

We follow the money. Learn more at Bloomberg.com.