The Frank Skinner Show - Not Going

Episode Date: May 2, 2025

The team are back together! In this podcast Frank has been enjoying the snooker and made a realisation in Foyles. Also Emily has been on a camel ride in Morocco and there is an email for us to forward on in Outside World. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It's Frank off the radio featuring him and that posh lady-o and the one with the French name from South Africa came they're all here open brackets array close brackets today Oh it's windy tonight Martha What's the name of the aunt in Wizard of Oz? Aunt M? Aunt M, of course it was. This is Frank off the radio, I'm joined by Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli, what about that, the A team. We've got the band back together as we said in the Blues Brothers. Oh can I not be Mr T? Do we need an actual sound check did we today? We'll be alright. God, I can't, has this really gone down?

Why do you say that? It's so negative to start with. We never had a sound check. It's a passive sound check. It's a professional business we're running. Follow the podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via frankofftheradio.avalonuk.com

You can WhatsApp us on altogether now. Thanks for that. 07457 417 769. via Frank off the radio at AvalonUK.com. You can WhatsApp us on altogether now. Thanks for that. 07457 417 769. Okay. I'm not repeating it anymore. Lovely positive start. Yeah. I love your Ordon t-shirt, Frank.

Thank you. Frank has a black t-shirt and what I like is that it wrong foots you. You think you're gonna get some heavy metal band but it's not. Well, it is Orden, A-U-D-E-N, but someone said to me, your t-shirt doesn't say Juden, does it? Which is what Nazis wrote on Jewish properties,

because I had a jacket on. And I said, is that actually a serious question? Anyway, it is Orden, and I'm glad to say, and it's actually a guitar, an acoustic guitar company, but I wear it for W.H. Auden obviously. Of course you do. It's hard to get merch on him these days I find. Well, online you can get anything. Because his snapback baseball hats didn't sell. Yeah.

Now I've got a Coleridge though. I'd like a W.I. Jordan trucker cap. Yeah. We like poets around here boy. No pros. That's down the road. Speaking of poetry, I was watching the World Snooker Championships on the BBC, which is, snooker fans will know, when April comes around you start thinking, here they come, the World Championships.

I don't remember Chaucer saying that. No, maybe not. They slightly bleed into me, but I think of them as an April event. Anyway. Snooker players wife. When that April? April.com, was the bit of an interview. I love the snooker. Snooker Chaucer. Chaucer does snooker. He eat snooker loopy. So Steve So, Steve Davis is being interviewed by Richie Passad.

So they're talking about John Trump, who's a top snooker player. John Trump? That's his name. Who's he? John Trump? You'd like him, actually. He's quite, he's like, he's, he's, he's, as, as I think they once said in Phoenix Nights of Tony Knowles, he broke a million hearts on and off the table.

Oh. Anyway, so, so Rishi has said, he's not queuing that well today at Trump, at John Trump. And Steve Davis said, yeah, he said, but you know, at the best of times, John's cue action is a bit idiosyncratic. So Rishi says, oh, idiosyncratic. He said, it's a bit of a mouthful for a Sunday afternoon. Big laughs. It goes back to the commentators. They're still laughing about idiosyncratic. Dennis Taylor said, oh, I said, I don't know. You don't know what you're going to get when Steve Davis is interviewed. He said idiosyncratic. What's happening? Have we come to this? There's a strict syllable limit, I think.

I know, but they mention the syllable cap. But it is very like it. None of them could work it out off the top of their heads. You think, you know, if it's not upon the fright there. What's wrong with you, Steve? Swallowed a dictionary. It is very like it. They were that close to have you swallowed a dictionary.

That's very disparate. I don't like that bullying people because they're intelligent. But it was like, it evoked a sort of festival atmosphere. Whoa! You're unbelievable. Ego-syncratic. The one chimp being made fun of by all the other chimps for for wiping his bum It was all dancing around. Look who he is. Look what do you think? He is Who's that for? Swanning around the enclosure

Goodness they say that when exotic birds escape from their cages that the sparrows and the starlings just tear them apart immediately just for being more colourful and different to them. Thus the World Snook Championship ponditory team. Who was the one franking football? Was it Graham LeSou? Was it Brains? He was always

seen because he read The Guardian once. He read The Guardian, so he wasn't called Brains, he was called Gay because he read The Guardian. Ah, okay. Different times. Okay. Fortunately things are a little bit more enlightened now. Yes, I'm glad to say.

They also had a shot, I've watched a lot of telly this week, I'll be straight with you. They had a shot of, and they said, you know that bit where they go, ladies and gentlemen, here he comes and then that snooker playing, everyone goes crazy. They had a shot of the crowd, all applauding, whee, they've got tickets for the World Snooker Championship, they're all excited. And then there's one bloke, arms folded in the midst, not clapping, and sort of, not just not clapping, but not clapping. Yeah. And I hated that bloke.

Yeah. I just thought, you, if we could get to Jesus and take you out of that crowd and all others like you, we'd live in a much more beautiful world. We shouldn't judge, we don't know, he could have had body odour, there could have been all sorts of reasons why he didn't come comfortable. Yeah you're right, I've been half. Bingo wings. I've seen a lot of people who don't clap and laugh over the years and it's broken my spirit. You and I have seen that a great deal where your eye always picks out the one person not enjoying it. They stand out like a dead pixel on a screen. Do you really? Can you see people?

Whenever I've had a threesome, same thing. No applause? Always spot the one that isn't enjoying it. Isn't clapping. So... So... So... I could see... Can you see them in advance sometimes? I can tell them in advance.

What, the threesome things? Get off that subject. No, they're not clapping audience members. Disgusting. I'll go on stage and I'll look around before I even start talking. I'll go, not going to enjoy it, not going to enjoy it. Do you? Yeah, yeah. Do you do that fine? I'm right about 90%. No, I can never tell. Do you look at people in the audience beforehand and sort of single them out and think, oh, they'll be... Well, I don't get you. I'm not one of those people who has a hole in the curtain, you know what I mean? I look through the audience I don't, I'll find out when I get out there. Okay thanks for your contribution. It's okay. I um, oh I tell you what, you know we got nominated for best

moment, best Martin McArcham moment, yeah, in the arias, the radio and indeed podcast awards. Yes. And I thought, well, it's a night, I don't think we'll win this, you know, but I thought, it's nice, I'll go to the ceremony, you know, award got to me arms folded in the audience. No but so I was and then today I was talking to one of my management team and they said do you want to present an award? I said, I don't know what's the award, they haven't said yet, but they said if you present an award you don't have to pay for your ticket. I said stop everything, stop all the clocks.

Appropriately. What did you say? I don't have to what for my what? They said you get a free ticket to the ceremony if you present an award. I said, I'm paying to go to the award ceremony. And they said, well, yeah. I said, but I'm in the show, aren't I? I'm in the show. I'm part of the show. The nominees without us us there is nothing

You know the chorus in You know the English National Opera don't pay 90 quid a ticket. They're in the part of the show So I'll just tell you guys I'm not going okay, well then we're not going yeah, I'm not paying yeah Let come fucking sticky That's the most aggressive I've ever heard you We're not going. Yeah. I'm not paying. Yeah. Let come fucking sticky. Oh my. 90 quid a ticket. God, that's the most aggressive I've ever heard you in. I mean, we're the show.

We're part of the show. What, I'm going to be doing a gig next week and someone says, yeah, it's just 90 quid for your ticket to the gig. I'm on stage. Yeah. But you still got to pay. Yeah, you're still going to be in the building, you're still, you gotta be in the building. Yeah.

You gotta be in the theatre. I couldn't believe it. Do you pay if you're nominated for an Oscar? I don't think you do. I've no idea. I've no idea. I bet that's more than 90 quid. I think they get it free and they get goody bags. Anyway, don't get me wrong. And they get lookalikes. We're all gonna make a living, but not out of frank.

So that's that. So we won't be going to the Oriental. Sorry, guys. Sorry to break it to you on air. Well, I'm not parting with money to sit in a chair. To be in it. I'm going to say, again, even if you don't win, you're in it. It's a very corporate thing.

Say if we don't win, you're in it. It's a very corporate thing. Say if we don't win, right? Let's imagine we watch, you go to watch Arsenal at the weekend. Sure. There's a guy on the bench, he doesn't play. What does he have to pay for his ticket to see the match? A lot for the seed placard. Yeah, he's got a great front row seat.

Isn't that dog out? 200 quid, mate. Was it my fault I didn't play. Never mind that. Two hundred quid. It's not about blame. It's about money. I've never heard anything like it in all my whole life. Anyway, here we are. Oh, God. So that's that. That's another free night. I've got a bit more telly. Room for some more snooker?

Yeah. Let's hope no one says anything too idiosyncratic. It'll be over by then, the snooker. I love the snooker. I love that that's what broke them. Idiosyncratic. They should aim for even lower levels of vocab and syntax. Man hit ball, good. Go hole, gone now. What word would they have preferred Steve to have used do you think? Dodgy. Bad. Very good. Sketchy. It's a little bit, ooo. A little bit moody. Yeah that's what they

like. They seem a nice bunch. Do you know what they like Frank? They like what I heard someone standing next to me at Arsenal shout once which I've shared with you before which is keep it simple morrow That's what they like it. Yeah, keep it simple morrow Yeah, I think they think that a lot of people watching at home would go I'm not I'm not having this yeah I'm not having foul language on Emily still up welcome me, but to cancer shit off switch it off. Anyone else? We've just had the watch through rate figures come in and I'm afraid when Steve said idiosyncrash it. Yeah drop like a stone. You can watch the graph crash like 1928, just plummet. I mean he upset a lot of people. How? Did you watch any celebrity big brother?

Did you watch any Celebrity Big Brother? Oh I loved Celebrity Big Brother. Of course you did yeah. I loved it as well. If I had to single out one moment, one highlight, do you have one? I don't want to throw you one to the boss. Do you have one on the top of your head? Well I've still got to, because I've been away, so I've still got to catch up on the last few episodes. It is my favourite. So the guy, so you don't know who won? Yes I do know.

Okay well the guy who won plays David Platt in Coronation Street. Surprise winner I think. Well not in our house. Oh did you like him? Oh Buzz absolutely loved him. Anyway I'll tell you what we loved about David, about Jack Shepherd. Jack P Shepherd. That was my pint actually because Jack Shepherd said, do you know anything about Coronation

Street? You've heard of it have you? I'm aware I know the notion of it. Do you know Bill Roach? There's a guy called Bill Roach who plays Ken Barlow who's been in it since the beginning he's 92 or something like that. Yes he's one of those sort of long-standing titans of soap opera. And like I said this guy Jack Shepard plays David Platt that's the character he plays and he said that Bill Roach He's worked with him 25 years, and he still calls him David But what did they said over and over was well it is what it is Till it started to drive me crazy on the show. Yeah about everything

Yeah, and then I started to think was reality. On the show? Yeah. About everything? Yeah, and then I started to think, with reality TV, it's not really reality, is it? It's not reality. Reality is, you know that Andy Warhol film, Sleep, which was five hours, 20 minutes of a man sleeping? That's what it was. Camera didn't move.

That's reality. So it's all very carefully produced and they're asked questions in the diary room to elicit responses which they show. It's all very carefully thought. So someone, wouldn't it be great if someone discussed all this and then said at the end, yeah, it isn't what it is. Disz! That would have made me very happy. Do you know my favourite moment, I think, Frank, was when Patsy Palmer said to Michael Fabricant, Michael, can I ask why do you wear a wig? Oh, never mention Fabricant's wig.

Everyone was navigating around this very sensitively Don't mention what did he say? Oh? Now I'll tell you what he said bless him. It's a little line. He's obviously learned. He says what do you mean awake? This is all my own hair. I bought it myself. Oh, yes. I've heard him say that wig. This is all my own hair. I bought it myself. Oh yes, I've heard him say that. So, God bless him. I know. There's people in the control room. After dinner ready.

Wonder who they are. Are we being examined? I don't know. There's a man there. A very smiley man. Do they do tours here? It's how Spiritland makes their real money. Look, I know a competition winner when I see one. Roll up and roll up and see the podcasting freaks. Well, talking of Spiritland, Scott M from Braintree in Essex has got in touch.

No one ever says Braintree without saying in Essex. Absolutely. Is Braintree famous for something, Frank? Is it racing? No. Someone tell us. Fruit pastels. No, that's Rowntree.

Longtime listener, first time WhatsApp-er to the studio. I was scrolling on Instagram on what should appear. Only Jeff Goldblum at Spiritland for one day only on Monday the 28th April, which has now passed we should say. Is this divine intervention or could it be that the stars... What if there's a glitch then and you say Jeff Goldblum has no past? That'll upset a lot of people out there. Well, we know he did do the tribute, didn't he? Which wasn't smoke gets in their eyes We worked out it was something else. Yes. As time goes by. Yeah He did do the tribute to... But now somebody Texted me and said, oh is this way you do your podcast very excitedly?

Well, Scott continues, could it be that the stars are finally aligned in bringing the legends that are Frank and Jeff together? Can we expect a duet? Maybe just Frank showing Mr. Goldblum his hilarious impression of his Those We Have Lost piano homage. Oh God, maybe me and him could get into the flying machine and see what comes out. Scott has a question for you. Do you think Jeff will be a little bit too upbeat for Spirit Land's coma-like ambiance? No, I think Jeff is all, I can imagine him with a cigarette, one of those beards that looks like a thumbprint on the bottom of the lip. Leather trilby. A soul patch. He has a jazz band, I think. Yeah, I think he does. But I mean, yeah. They did. Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse. They did they did Glastonbury in that very sort of American way where they

couldn't pronounce any of the names. I saw a guy the other day in the manga section of, what's it called, that big bookshop? From Middenflot Planet? No. Foils? Foils. In the manga section of Foils. The coolest section of Foils. Yeah.

He had no socks on, obviously. He had like blue sideburns and lots and lots of piercings. And he had like black pantaloons, most voluminous amount of material in this. Just to save time next time, just say I saw a man in the manga section. All of that we can work out. And he was, I mean he was so incredibly cool and I thought well I'll see you in Spirit Land soon. And he sneezed. And everything went, and I thought, of course, the great leveller. Because a core man sneezed, it goes, pfft.

Everything just fell down, and I thought, oh no. And also with all the piercings, the chaos of the sneeze. Oh, exactly. It was lovely, because it was like antlers ringing. A windchime in the garden. For the want of a nail, the snot was lost. A distant wedding? Yeah, hold on. It's the queen died again.

Oh man, but I never realised, no matter how cool you are, no one can sneeze cool. Can I also share something with you Frank, which is we've had this rather strange bit of correspondence saying, I hope this email finds you well and my apologies in advance if this has come to the wrong person but they have something to put to us I wanted to get in touch as we handle the PR for a company called Echelon Health the world leaders in preventative health assessments and would like to offer David Bediel a complimentary comprehensive full body health check. Free? Yeah. No mention of you. I'll say yes on his behalf. I'm confident he will want that. A is a hypochondriac and

B it's free. Described as the private jet of health MOTs. What David Badeele is? This health check is. The private jet of health MOTs. They can detect up to 92% of diseases and we hope David might be interested in working with Echelon Health as it may provide essential insights into his future well-being. Sounds slightly threatening at the end. Yeah, well you know, none of us getting any younger. Echelon. So could you pass this on to him, Frank? Bit of a metaphor.

But why have they come through us? Yeah, I'll pass that on. I love that it's come to us. Why didn't they ask us? I once got an invite to do, what's it called, Klezmer, that, you know, that Jewish music. To host a documentary on that and I thought, I think there might have been a slight mix-off there. David Bideel has been invited to a Faggots and Peas tasting at the Black Country Museum. Oh, Faggots and Peas.

It's a little insulting. It don't get no better. It's a little insulting to David, if I'm honest. That'd be a good opening to Elton John. It's a little insulting to David if I'm honest. That'd be a good outing to the Elton John. It's a little insulting to David Bideel to suggest that he would go where someone could copper feel of his terrible testy. Anyway, so we best leave it there. It is funny the idea that someone could hear you on a podcast

and go, I know what they need, a full body disease assessment. Yeah. Frank's fine. That happened to Pierre Navelli who was on stage in a blog show today. I think you should get tested for. Yes.

He said, I have Asperger's, I think you have Asperger's. Yeah, let's call the whole thing off. Let's call the whole thing off. I will say, I don't research every heckle. No. Yeah. If someone says, you know, you're shit, I don't immediately think, I best Google this and see if that's true. Yeah.

I mean, you get some like wanker, which I don't need to research. You just say, let he who hath... Let he who's without sin. You do some of your idiosyncratic material. Oh man, yes, I'd like to do... but that is a good example, C. Yes. If you do idiosyncratic material, the audience is essentially Rishi and Denis Tate. Yes, I did... With their arms folded. I did a work in progress a couple of days ago for The Fringe and I had a couple of a couple of snooker commentators in the front row. Yeah. Yeah, they weren't fans of... Did they leave Brown on the bottom cushion? Not through mirth. Perhaps in protest. Go on, you tell this, Nalth.

I feel like you've got something burning to say. I just want to tell you a bit about my Moroccan holiday because I might want to come home. Oh, no, we must do that. I can't. I don't want to be one of those men who talk over women on podcasts. You would never be that sort of man. I went to Morocco with my best friend Jane. Can I just do a bit of background? Oh we're off on the road to Morocco. Everyone thought, what I've realised though is that when you go away with a female friend and you're of a certain age, you get me? Every time you go. People assume you're romantically involved. Oh I see. No, what did you say, we've gone for young men?

Well I was in Egypt once and there's two women from Birmingham and I mean God bless they were probably about 50 and you know, they, a four-hour flight and they became the most sought- after desirable women in their neighborhood and that, you know, that's work, that's money well spent. If you consider people pay 90 quid for a show they're in, then that's life. Well this is true. They didn't think that of us. Yeah, handsome young Egyptian men. They speak to me of the cut.

One of them said, they were on, I was at my lounge, it was near to this, and they had one set, you know, and I said to Omar, you know, I have to have all the friends. So it was, you know, it's a different world. But they didn't think you were in. They thought we were involved. And I believe that. But that's quite nice isn't it? Well yes although I don't think it's very well tolerated in Morocco same-sex relationships. It is generally by people, people were very welcoming of us and our non-existent romantic relationship but I think I believe it may be illegal but everyone we met... We should explain for people who can't see that Emily has had her head completely shaped

and is covered with piercings. That may have led them. Perhaps as a punishment. She's also wearing a tweed suit and smoking a small briar. Quite a confused style going on here. Vita Sackville-West meets Hufty. Google it. Great references for me. So anyway, but what they were doing which I thought was so lovely, they were bending over backwards to imply that they were fine with the fact

that we were in this relationship. Look, we all do it. So we were, we went out for to the desert for a camel ride. Yeah. And the gentleman who... One lump or two? One. Okay, Bactrian. Oh no, not Bactrian. Fatima, that was my camel. No, I'm talking about the types of... I know, one lump. Andromedary. Yeah, very good Frank, you know the camels. You know it's easy, you know how to remember don't you? How? One hump looks like a D on its side and two humps looks like a B on its side for Bactrian. Oh my god, that's brilliant. That's going to save me hours. I can show my face again now that the old... You and all your camel fails. Yeah I will casually say I'll take the Bactrian. I've had people raise their fares in respect. But you know what was

nice Frank, the gentleman from the, he was very nice he just sort of said look it's very private out here, no one will see you, it's private land, it's a lovely romantic spot. If you wish to do any lezing off. He was sort of basically saying that. Oh wow. And Jane was saying, well my husband would love it here if he was over here. You see, whenever. And I was going, I ended up getting quite offended. I was. Did that make you an offender? Jane kept saying, you know what I hate? Roller derby. It's my least favorite sport, if anything. Really laying it on thin. She's set higher than that.

You know, I really can't bear Katie Lang. But she kept saying, well, my husband would love it too. And I was like, all right. It's not so bad if we were in a relationship. You see, when people think I'm gay, I enjoy that because I always think you have to go the extra mile to be gay. You have to think a bit. You have to be, I'm going to say it, brace yourselves, idiosyncratic. You've gone out of the normal lane, everyone. You're that person who's looked at the boss lane and think actually the times no longer apply I can go in there. Yeah. And so I like the idea of people thinking I'm a bit alternative. Yeah. No I quite embraced it. I mean it's

led to some awkward situations I'll be honest with you. But you know when in Rome... Do you know, and when in Marrakech they were so understanding and supportive of our relationship. Did you get to travel on the Marrakesh Express? No I didn't, but I did go on the camel, Fatima. I was a bit worried because they can go up to 40 miles an hour apparently. I had read that. Have you been on a camel either of you?

I have been on a camel. I knew you would have. I'm allergic to horses. In Egypt? I was on a back trim. Allergic to horses? Yes, I danced. Yeah, I was on on my own and I didn't have a horse on with me. How did you find? It's a horse's. Yeah, so I dant. Yeah, I was on on my own and I didn't have a horse on with me.

How did you find your... Because it goes across the board to camels. I dant risk it. Anything like that. Any sort of ungulates or hoofed creatures. It's a shame. Okay. God, if you go to hell, you're going to have a nightmare time.

Where all are hoofed. Do you know, it's a real shame because he'd look good on a horse, Frank, on horseback I like the idea of demons taunting people with allergies Yeah, you can have all the pollen in the world So how were you on the camel? I quite liked it. So did I Frank? I tell you did you find though sorry to leave you out of this No, no, but I did find they don't coronation straight camels hafty. I mean They don't have a sort of sensitivity ramp

So, you know when you get on sometimes with the horse I feel a lot Oh, I appreciate this must be a new and slightly unfamiliar experience for you Let's let you get adjusted not so with the camel because they kneel don't they and then they shoot up Yeah, they do. It's very weird the kneeling thing. They kneel. I've seen it done. And you have to say, but I did enjoy the experience, but did your bum hurt afterwards? Well it was a long holiday and it's a lonely life on the road. I'll tell you something about camels. They asked me to choose which camel I wanted. There's about six of them. You've got to choose. That's a celebrity thing.

Yeah, I'll tell you something. I don't think any of them had two eyes. Really? They were the most. They had like three to two two eye scars all over. Pirate camels. What have they become? They're in the golf war these camels. That's why they call them ships of the desert. Yeah. Well yeah, these were like ship wrecks that are fighting Temeraire being dragged into the scrap yard. But they have three eyelids, don't they? Do they? Yeah.

It's my best fact about camels. They have three eyelids. Wow, they must be great hitchhiking. Get them fluttering. Who can resist? With those lashes. They've got great lashes. Even the ones, it's a shame because they had great lashes

and no eye on to them. It's not good having the awning if you haven't got the shop. Did you find they smelt? Oh, God. I mean, they are disgusting. They're disgusting camels in many ways. Oh, really? They really smell.

Fatima was immaculate, as Catherine said of you. I found Fatima to be immaculate. Okay, well, you know, maybe I went to ones that were being treated with tremendous cruelty. Once maybe the camels just thought, well, now I'm no longer one of the sort of beauty contest camels that you do get. Yeah. I've lost an eye, I'm covered in scars from my many duels. Yeah. It's time to let my hygiene go.

It's like when heterosexuals marry. I'm done now. It's finished. I'm done, I can relax. Yeah. Just let it all go. I can start shopping at the I have given up shop. Exactly. It's a wonderful thing.

Is Morocco where all the sort of celebrities and playwrights and things would go in the 60s? Yes, Frank, is it Joe Orton? Joe Orton, yeah. Yes, I think Kenneth Williams went there as well. And the sort of Rolling Stones would go there to get hashish or something, right? That was trendy. Oh, okay.

Yeah, I think- The Getty's? W. William S. Burroughs went there as well. Yes, yes, yes. And I think he might have been, I mean, I wouldn't now in an essay on William S. Boroughs or Kerouac like to shine too much light on what went on in those holidays. Yes, yeah, you would go to Morocco to do naughty things. Yes, you would. Well, can I just absolutely reiterate that we didn't.

That's why they were so, they thought you were almost boring. We have had many English come and do the most horrifying crimes. You just want to look around and I say, Nick Nacks? They did keep getting us in the... You never went, no, not once. When they say offendi... When they say offendi... Yes. Oh yeah, what does that mean? Oh, I thought a fendi was a Greek word. See, when I was in Egypt, the men who were trying to get you to ride on their coach,

no they said things like, nice to see you, to see you, nice. And the lovely jubbly, they said stuff like that to get you to ride. I thought I would come to Egypt to ride with people and say that's what I do in London when I get in the cab. In fact, you know what, they now shout at British women, they did this to my goddaughter, Honey, last time, who you know. And they see a very beautiful British woman, they shout, Primark! Oh wow! And Honey said, I don't think they understand that's not really a compliment to shout that. Yeah.

Maybe the suggestion is that you don't need expensive clothes to look great when you look that good. Do you know what I'm going to tell Honey that she's going to be thrilled. You know that idea that Kate Moss could just wear jeans and a t-shirt and still look amazing? Yeah. Primark. That's bold. Do you know you turn that around beautifully.

Yeah, exactly. She's going to be very happy. I think Effendi is sort of like saying Mr. isn't it? Is he? I think it know, you turn that around beautifully. Yeah, exactly. She's going to be very happy. I think Effendi is sort of like saying Mr. isn't it? Is he? I think it's, I thought it was Greek. I didn't know it was a Greek. I don't know if it's real or if it's only said in film. You know that greeting where the hand hits the chin, the nose and the forehead as it then it goes on, it keeps going. I don't know if that really exists. There's definitely a hand on heart thing in the Middle East, in parts of the Middle East. Nice to meet you. Did you go in any restaurants

or bars where there was a propeller on the ceiling? Yes. Please say you did. Of course I did. Yeah, that's what you want. Did you have a conversation where anyone referred to the desert as a sort of a cruel mistress or a sparkling jewel? That is one thing I do envy the Arab countries. The cruel mistresses? No, when you get... Have you had any of those over the years? Don't worry about any problem that can be solved with money, as they say. No, but when you see people from, you know, from, I don't know, during the Iraq war, when

you got translations of their speeches, it was like, it was the great mother desert, stuff that you'd never get from English. This is from military people. Yes. There's a... If you say idiosyncratic to them. Yeah, I mean you could be get a court-martial There's a particular BBC Arabic Correspondent who apparently is quite famous in the Middle East among Arabic speakers because here's Arabic even though he's an Englishman is so incredibly perfect

And it's the equivalent of someone speaking sort of perfect Victorian RP English and everyone is sort of so enamored He gets invited to all sorts of events because people just love to hear him speak Arabic Imagine that as a compliment. Yeah, that was life. Of course Steven Sacko was leading until I did hard talk Fuck the whole thing up for it. You can't even get a table in a Singapore restaurant He wasn't even invited to pay to go to the Aureus. Oh God! He offered a hundred!

No, no, no can do! Oh, and also very, very importantly on our next podcast, Tim Key will be our guest. Yes, Tim Key, fantastic. So do listen to that. It's Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio. It's the Frank Skinner podcast, don't you know? Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via frankofftheradio at avalonuk.com.