The Frank Skinner Show - Obviously New

Episode Date: September 15, 2025

Frank has partaken in a comedy tradition and a Reader has emailed in to ask for relationship advice. There's also chat about longserving underwear, obscure slogan t-shirts and tapeworms. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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and two and sip and three and sip. Oh, hey, I'm just sipping Tim's all-new protein ice latte. Starting at 17 grams per medium latte, Tim's new protein lattes. Protein without all the work at participating restaurants in Canada.

It's Frank off the radio featuring him and that Parsch radio and the one with the French name We're from South Africa came They're all here open brackets array Close brackets today This is Frank Off the Radio I'm joined by Emily Dean and Piano Valli

Follow the podcast on X and Instagram You can email the podcast via Frank Offer Radio Atavlon UK.com And this 07457 4157 Oh, that one. That was Nol.

There probably was a surname on there. Not that Nol. Not that Nol. Have they finished doing their gigs now, AISIS? I don't know. Would you have gone to those? No. I saw him in the old days.

So did I? It just feels like too big of an event now. And it requires going out. Yeah, it requires going out. And also, I think I'd be tense that they might squabble. Ah. Do you think people are there for that? They're there thinking.

What if it all kicks off right here and now? I'd just worry there'd be a lot of 48-year-old men called Nipper who are reformed drug dealers. Yes. Do you know what I mean? There'd be plenty who weren't reformed drug dealers. Yeah. I would say that. Reactivated.

Yeah, I mean, I spoke to your mate, Garrett Milarek about it, P.N. He was. He spoke like, like I was when I went to Lourd. Yes. You know, he said I had to be there. There was no option at all. Yeah, Big Oasis fan. Well, he was the right age as well.

I was too young when we moved here. Well, it's the right cash income as well. For these days. There will be some, you know, somebody sitting in the council flat in Aubrey saying, I've got to be there. Are you going to do it? Anyway, good on, him. We enjoyed it, loved it.

You know, I saw them lots of times in the old days. Who do you feel that about, I've got to be there? I think you would have felt that about, say, Ozzy. You loved Ozzy. Got to be there. Got to, come on, everybody, be there. Come on, in the morning. It's only like the King of Pop.

Oh, yeah, okay. Michael Jackson. Oh, yes. Yeah. Michael Jackson, there were you hard. Oh, come on. You've got to be there in the morning. I don't bear a grudge.

Wow. So remember seven charges, all found innocent on all of them. I remember the pigeons going up outside. Oh, yeah. Woman released a dove for every... Those are the kind of people I have faith in when it comes to making moral choices. Woman has found her own non-stuff.

The judge wasn't released. Anyway, let's not get into an argument about it. I just prefer not to listen to his music, but there you go. Well, I don't listen to his music, but not for that reason, because I don't like it. Okay. I wasn't listening to his music when he was a much-loved hero. Yeah, that's just not my bag.

It's not really. So going back... What would have happened if you'd been fat guilty? What would have come to? It's just a fucking outrun, you old bastards, and killed the doves with a bear house. Just covered in... Dove blood to the elbow.

So going back to who would you not have missed? I think... Well, I did miss off his last gig. I saw it. I was working in Sheffield. I ended up watching it on a feed. We paid 54 quid, I think we. Frank, the fall.

You would have felt that about the fall as you do about Oasis. Well, I saw the fall 44 times. Did you see them 44 times? Yeah, so... But I'd still go again if I. I had tickets for their last gig at Camden. I had the tickets there, but he didn't make it, sadly.

Anyway, enough of all this sadness. Especially when you're wearing a t-shirt that says you're so funny. Yes. Well, I was a bit my partner. And the O is a laugh. I'm going to call it my wife. Yes. Said, what, are you going to wear that t-shirt on the train?

That's so rude. But I said, well, it's, it's your so funny. If it was I'm so funny, I can understand, you know, some anxiety. But you're so funny's all right, isn't he? Yeah. You don't sound sure. It's intended for the reader to think, ha-ha, yes, I am, do you think? Are you saying it's a compliment directed outwards?

No, I've got to be honest. I'm with Kath. I honestly thought you were wearing it. Because it says you're so funny and there's a big laughing, sort of Rolling Stone's mouth with a slight. British slant on it, more kind of seaside vibe. I genuinely did think you were saying, look, someone got me a

t-shirt saying, you are so funny. Well, that'd be alright if someone had bought you. I mean, someone did give me the t-shirts. Who gave it you? The people from Castle comedy remember I told you I did a gig in a castle? Oh, yes, and you became lost, and then also the fire brigade showed up. That's it. Yeah.

It's a standard night out. I got a free t-shirt. A Tuesday in Frank Skinner's life. Yeah. I do like it. The Fire Brigade turned up and all they bought me was this lousy t-shirt, I do like that t-shirt, Frank. Good. It's discreetly stylish. But you think people will think I'm saying I'm funny.

A little bit, yeah. But you're okay with that. You think you are funny and you are? Yeah, I do. It's true. I was trying to get out of that in sort of humble way, but I just have to blatantly lie. Yeah, just a rhetorical trap thing.

But when someone says to you, are you going to wear that on the tube? That's always a bit. Well, when I did art in the West End, there's a bit where my character, this is a play, not I didn't do art in the West End, you know, when I was chalk on the pavement characters.

Now, I, you know, those awful caricatured as the people do in city centres. And what about the disappearing landscapes as well? Have you seen those? No. They do things, they do Tromploy. I've taught you this, so you know it, boys. I don't know what that is.

Trick of the eye. My genes were Tromp Loi, do you remember? Oh, yes. So they do Tromp Loi sort of landscapes and things on the pavement. I saw this in Santrapay, where... It's like a bottomless well. Yes, it looks like you're stepping.

Oh, I can't step into the well. No, madame, it was pavement all along. Merely a trick. Give me some money. Yeah. That's what they say. Nice wallet. Yeah. Yeah. Then they ask for money.

I mean, those kids that told me to shot off a couple of weeks ago. At least they didn't say, well, it was a pretty good prank. That'll be £4.99. They should have. Yeah. Anyway, speaking of comedy, this is a comedy tradition. Guess what I did at the weekend. Oh.

A comedy tradition. He did some sort of Frank Skinner prank. No, I played golf. You did it. Well, I say I played golf, and I went on a driving range. Did you, Frank? Me and Buzz went on a driving range. And I don't know if you're aware of this, but many years ago, me and David Badil did a program called On Plan.

And we used to get to do lots of activities in the daytime because we had no writing to do because it was on plan. So we decided we'd try golf. So I had a few golf lessons and stuff It's actually, the thing is with golf I don't know if you, have you ever played golf either of you? No, no. No, but my friends have been trying to convince me. So what do you think?

Well, women golfers look great. Oh, yeah. I do like the fashion, Frank. Yeah, I don't like the men's fashion. I mean, when I hear the phrase tailored shorts, I just want to vomit. Tailored shorts. Yeah, that's the point.

If you're going to wear shorts at a golf club, then you can't just turn up in, like, you know. So where did you and David go? Because they're quite posh places, golf club. Well, I was training. I was training. I was learning at Highgate. Oh, okay. Training.

The thing is, I'd seen the film Bag of Vance with Will Smith, before he started smacking people across the face. So I was still able to like him. And it's quite a miss... Have you seen it? No. It's quite a miss... He talks about...

I didn't have seen it. Is this Caddy who turns up out of nowhere and he's got a sort of a... Some are very special about him and mysterious. And he talks about the golf course and he says, remember, it's a living creature out there. You know, it's not some basketball court. It's living, breathing thing.

that you have to communicate with. I haven't bought the book. I bought the bloody novel. Just so you know he sometimes does this beer, he gets a little obsessed by the things. Yes, so I got, yes, that was one of my hobby horses. So, yeah, obviously, it's less mystical when you've hit the first ten along the ground.

Yes, yeah. Is there a slight, because, you know, the only thing that puts me off golf, and you know what I'm going to say, is the slight Mar-a-Lago. vibe to it. I don't know what that mean. That's Donald Trump owns Mar-a-Long. Oh, yeah. Do you know what to mean?

It's a bit of, you play golf, you're better in this firm. Yeah. No, we're not at the driving range, though. It's very laid-back. If you join a club, it's like that. What's the driving range, Frank, then? Is that where you learn? You literally stand there. They give you a club. I said to the bloke, I don't know what. You know, what, so he gave me a boss some clubs to take.

Then you go and stand in this thing. We pay for a hundred golf balls and you pour them in a hole in the ground. And well for yourself. Pour them in a hole in the ground and you have to give them back. And then the tea, you know the little wooden tea they come on thing, that comes up out of the ground with the ball already sitting on it. Come on. And then you wallop the shit out of it if you can.

And were you quite good at it then? Well, I mean, the thing is with golf is that. every no and again you hit one and it's sweet and it's enough to keep like the first two comedy gigs I ever did were I died absolutely died on my ass then the third one went really really well and I end up having sex with a woman and look like Shirley McLean and it's like golf so one like that just keeps I think that still sustains me that gig So, you know, there are some things that you learn and you get nothing for ages.

If you're playing guitar, like, it could be a long time before you make a nice sound. I find it can be a bit that with the equestrian because I think sometimes with horses, it takes so long to get to the point where you're not going, oh, I'm going to fall off. I never got to that point. Did you never get, well, you did fall off.

I went from fear to hatred. Yes. Yeah, but you went real hatred. Horses, man. I could have easily done the equest thing. when he goes into the stable and blinds about eight horses with a nail. They were so cruel bullies.

They knew I was afraid and instead of thinking, we help you. We help you. No, they thought, ha ha! Good, not one of these haiti-tities in a quilted waistcoat whacking us across the ass. We'll take full advantage of frighten this man. You think there's a class, Estella,

Oh, I think they do. They don't ever do that to posh people. No, they don't. They don't. Well, I had lessons. The posh people come in, they're like, oh, here, these are our sort. They can smell. I had driving, riding lessons, and the blow screaming at me. What did he say?

Just sit up, Frank. Damn silly posture. Was he related to those children you saw who jumped out of him? It might well have been. They should have been on horseback. No, it's a difficult thing, because sometimes you'll meet a nice horse, The teeth are very creepy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The veneers. I don't mind if they're not in my forearm. Hit pause on whatever you're listening to and hit play on your next adventure. This fall get double points on every qualified stay. Life's the trip. Make the most of it at Best Western. Visit bestwestern.com for complete terms and conditions.

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get a chicken parmesan delivered. A cabana? That's a no, but a banana, that's a yes. A nice tan, sorry, nope. But a box fan, happily yes. A day of sunshine? No. A box of fine wines? Yes. Uber Eats can definitely get you that. Get almost, almost anything delivered with Uber Eats. Order now. Alcohol and select markets. Product availability may vary by Regency app for details. Back to the golfing range. So it was great, really. And it wasn't posh there. No.

People were just wearing. I saw one ping baseball cap. Uh-huh. That's all. You know that? There's a thing in golf. Yeah, ping is a big label in golf. The idea that if I wear a baseball cap that's got, I don't know, Ray Throve's FC on it,

it won't be as good and as helpful to me. as if it's got ping on it because ping is a golf company. Right, okay. Well, what fucking difference does it make if it's a baseball cap? Special golf hats. Baseball is all right.

Shouldn't he be wearing one in the first place? Shouldn't you be wearing a sort of tart and kind of berry? No, what I like the old... Remember the old plus force? I used to see people playing it. And a pink polo shirt and mobs. Yeah, yeah. Does also work, but not in Franks.

And one glove they wear? Yes, yes. Michael Jackson. I'll bring him up again. You're obsessed. But that's the thing you will. You've got to swing through. You're both obsessed.

I know, Michael. Four? So you admit it? Stop it, you two. Stop it. That's him calling out the age, right? Frank. Frank.

All right. Get back into the golf. All right. Into the golf buggy immediately. They had... What's David Badele? and you can stop it. Was David Badele good at golf?

Oh, God, it's terrible. Ian got the mind for it. We went to Portugal to play. Did you? This was a weird, sort of slightly capitalist era of yours. So... Did you have big cigars? They went a bit capitalist,

and they're like, hey, let's do rich white men's boys. So we played this. I remember Dave was in a bonker. Elites. Yeah. And he couldn't get out of the bonker. He hit the ball. It went up the side of the bank and rolled down again,

and then he hit it again. And then he got, the third time we did it, he didn't let it stop. So he hit it while it was moving. And I said, no, you can't come on. So then we had, we had, I think it was a hundred balls we took with us on the course. It might have been 50, to be fair.

And we went back with one. There was one of the greens that was in the middle of a lake and you had to pitch it over the lake onto the green and then walk across the bridge to play. We just never got one on with this all went in the water. You said you're just heckling ducks. Oh, but it was, it was, I tell you, the one thing I don't, I'm not very good with, I don't like being obviously new anyway.

I know exactly what you mean. Yeah. When you don't know where anything is. And you feel stupid even though, how could you know if you've never been there? But I didn't know where the ball was, and when I got the clothes, where the shop was, where you went for a drink, nothing. No, I don't like that either. And people looking, what the difference is that?

Well, doesn't know where... Frank, they're not looking at you. They are. They are. They're thinking, look at that loser. He doesn't even have a... Wondering about. Frank, I even hate it when I walk into a restaurant if I don't know where the toilet is.

I mean, I was with my son as well, you know, and he's obviously thinking, why don't you know where everything is? It's like all the other dance. Because, you know, you're reading poetry and furthering your mind. You're not on the driving way. What about that time when he was very small, I took him to the playground. Yeah.

And it was locked that for some reason they hadn't turned up to open it. But Starmer's Britain. So there were younger dads who were climbing over the fence to get in. And I said, yeah, well, we'll just go for a walk to the shops. Oh, fuck. I knew I couldn't have made it. Yeah, but you're teaching him. to observe the rules.

And I think that's good. Well, that wasn't what I was teaching him. I was teaching him. I just couldn't get over the fucking fence. That's what I was teaching. If that's a lesson of sword. You were inadvertently giving him a moral guidance, I like to think. Well, you know, when nobody's perfect.

Okay. I'd agree with that. You didn't quote me on that, if it like. Okay. Talking of which, how was David Bidiel again at the golf course? So you're better than him? Well, because he gave up about whole four, he just got bored and it's not his thing at all. No, okay.

So, you know, I mean, I didn't persist with it. But when, I say, when you hit one well, it keeps you going. Did you say four? I didn't say four. On a driving range, all there is, you're hitting into this long expanse of grass with nets roundy. a robot that's going round and round picking up the balls. Really? It must be the sort of double points if you hit the robot

while it's driving around. What does the robot look like? Does it look like a man covered in tinfoam? Oh, I thought it was like Mechle Mickey or something. I thought it was Meadow Whitty. It's not like, say, oh dear, I've been hit by another ball. I thought it was a bit R2D, no R2D. Does the robot swear under his breath?

Get smacked. Oh, careful. No, it's like one of those You know those things You're street perform, man You know those things that mow the lawn Yes It's like that

No, robot ones Or like you get robot Vacuum thing You know yo sushi Robot vacuums fan You know yo sushi The robot who comes with the drinks It's a little,

Have you not seen that? What? Have you not been to yo sushi? I've been to plenty But they never had a robot That brought me drinks This is an Amsterdam thing I think you're thinking robot

You're thinking like Robbie in Forbidden Planning. Yeah. I'm talking like a moving platform with drinks on it. It's like a little trolley, isn't it? A drinks trolley, essentially. Oh, you should check it out. I will.

Frank, I've got, someone wants some advice from you. Okay. Oh, is that my tummy? Yeah, I have to clap, right? Oh, yeah. Thank you. Well then. Thank you, everyone.

It's been a lot of work. It's like being a French woman. That's because I told Frank about a book I read. I once read a book and when I was in the first. fashion industry and it was called Frank do you remember um why french women are thin no no they're a little bit more subtle than that but but they meant the same thing why french women don't get fat oh okay well it is more than i turned out it was cigarettes and black coffee yeah people sometimes um emailing and say what do you talk about when you're not on air

and just before we came on air i can tell you know i quote you emily said to pierre Have you ever had a tape worm? You did? I think if I ever did, I overwhelmed it. I'm just interested. I'd like one just to see the doctor examining it. It'd be like, you know, when they stand next to those ticker tape machines in old films and the paper's coming out and they're reading the details.

That's what I'm making a tape worm would be like. They go on for miles. I mean, have you seen them? I've seen a bear with... No, the bear's ones do. Have you seen a bear with a tapeworm? Oh, is this a new pixel thing? I haven't seen a bear with a tapeworm.

Sort of sassy tapeworm voice by Eddie Murphy. Sent some music. I've seen a bear with a tapeworm on, I think it must, yeah, it'll be on TikTok or Instagram one of those. Can I pull that tapeworm? You see that one? Honestly, Frank, this thing, it was extraordinary. I think they do go on. for certainly that looked like a few Olympic swimming pools that tapeworm

because it's all like intestines, it's all, it's terrible. They have to get it cut out though. Anyway, we won't talk anymore about tapeworms, but can I just check you've never had one? No. Okay. No, if I did, I won. Okay.

And then I told Mr. Brown about my tapeworm. Well, it's all curled up, Mr. Brown, but it's actually quite long. No wonder you never wear any hands. I'd rather not discuss this over dinner, Paddy. Oh, but it's quite discontable. Yes, well, there's no such word as discomfortable, Paddyt. How did you get it from marmalade and bread? Don't fuck with me, Paddyton.

I've told you before. You can go back at any time. I'm speaking to this Farage, chat. Oh, no, send them back. Not including Paddington. Do you think Nigel doesn't like Paddyton? Paddington. But what he'd do is a joke?

He's an illegal bear. As a joke. They must go back. He has the correct paperwork, all be all well and good. Yeah. But they'd send him away, and he'd be going off Sadd in the boat when everyone'd be going, oh, no, Padda Brown to be absolutely ill. Then you'd realize he'd tethered his tapeworm.

Get about half a mile and he could just pull himself back in. I would watch Paddington in the tapeworm. Yeah. A hundred percent. But you probably will come about number seven. Yeah. They'll get to there. Yeah.

Just statistically. Max Beasley as Mr. Brown. Oh, yeah, it will be. What darling of old Shakespearean British theatre will play the tapeworm, do you think? And that's the tapeworm. Voice of the tapeworm. Yeah. It would have been Michael...

The Voice of the Ring. It would have been Michael Holden back in the day. Sadly, no longer with us. Who did the Paddington? Absolutely. One of the greats. Frank, may ask you, I'm sorry, may Kenny from Derbyshire ask your advice? Yes.

Okay. I had Frank previously talk about how he realised there could be no future with a then-girlfriend when she decided she didn't like Laurel and Hardy. Well, it was one particular sequence. I used to test my partners with, yeah. So it's the one that does that, yeah, commence and thence, blah-bo-bo, commens and prance, etc. I recently had a similar scenario, but with my wife of 20 years. It was her birthday recently.

A friend of hers had sent her a pamper gift set. I love it when men write about things like this. A pamper gift set. It's not even a thing that. They love being pamper. Yeah, they love a pamper. Unless you bought her some pamper. How old do you see?

As she was unpacking it, I asked her what was in it. She started listing the contents, two bath bombs, one body lotion, some hand cream. Do you see where this is going, Frank? Um, go on. How many candles do you think there were? There were four candles. Oh. Okay?

Because they often have that in those tea-like things. They'll put four little candles there. I immediately interrupted, of course, upon hearing four candles and said, do you mean handles for forks? Yeah. She just stared at me and said, What are you talking about? Yeah.

I started to internally question the last 20 years with this woman. So do I follow your lead, Frank, and buy her a one-way train ticket to Dumpsville? Wow. What wife of 20 years? Or is there some way I can be tolerant and understand her ignorance of this legendary piece of comedy? Our future is in your hands.

Kenny from Derbyshire. Over to you, Frank. Well, I mean, I think if you fully explained it, she'd at least appreciate it. I mean, if I say something my partner, he's not enamoured of comedy-wise, she goes, oh, very clever, but a mother. Oh, that's so damaged. Yeah.

Obviously, if we... That's quite donnish. Yeah, it's very amusing. But back to the essay. It's very amusing, Mr. Novelli. Meanwhile, you're three weeks behind with this assignment. See, if she communicated through one of those Stephen Hawking voice machines, I could have took that as a compliment.

I'll tell you what I heard, Frank. Or even texted me. I could have thought, oh, that's nice. Saying it's very clever. Well, I tell you, I used to have a friend. Come off, he. That's so rude, Frank. He would say this, he'd say,

I'd say something which I thought was quite hilarious, and he'd say, funny. Right. And then look at me with no, not even a smile. Funny? He'd go, funny. Funny. And then look very grim face.

She's just listing. Isn't that up there with abuse? He spoke in sort of subtitles. Background chatter. Yeah. Words. Stage direction. Eerie music.

Anyway, Frank, please can you make... What do you think Kenny should do? I think he's got to let it slide, Frank. Well, the Laurel and Hardy thing always nagged at me. Did it? What do you mean it? at you. If they didn't like it, you just think, it doesn't make them bad people, but it just

means people I can't be compatible with. Yeah. It was that in the teddy bear test. What was that? Oh, yeah, the nail in the face thing. Yeah. If they could knock a nail in a teddy bear's face, I didn't think I could, I loved them. How did, did you ever conduct both of these tests on the same day, or did you try to space it?

Well, I never actually did the teddy bear. I couldn't have lived with myself. No, no, but I would just ask them. Did I do it on the side? What if it had a tapeworm? At any point did you say? What if it had a tape when you put it out of its own misery? Yes.

Because with some of them, I was only with them for a day. So I would have been to have done. I would think quite quickly. Oh, my God. Not really. It was a night. I just like the idea. So, Kenny, we think you should stay with your partner.

I'm assuming that was always your intention. It's different as well because in the case of Frank's tests, they did see it. They did see it Whereas the case here is that she hasn't seen it at all As opposed to not know As opposed to not thinking it's funny But it ought to still work as a joke I'm sorry, Your Honor

Yes, that's true Yes Do you mean handles for forks It's pretty clear, isn't it? In its own right Maybe she didn't find it that Or maybe she found it Not funny, but funny

I would give her one more chance I would take her to the pub and deliberately lean on the gap where the flat comes down. And if she doesn't laugh at that, you need to get out of there. And it was the greatest ever moment in sitcom history, Frank.

Was it? What officially? Yes, from, I like it when people who are lonely falls and horses, Del Boy. Yes. I've heard people do that. Oh, yeah, that was on Del Boy. Yes, yeah, they do, don't they?

They turn this sort of American-style sitcom the title is the character's name. that was regularly, I think it still is, voted the greatest ever moment in sitcom history. Yeah. Nice. There you go. Fucking visual gag.

You know why? Because people don't get the bloody verbal stuff. Frank, we've also heard from Lloyd James. Oh, yeah. I was so pleased to hear Frank mention his long-serving underwear. Okay? I would like you and your readers to know that I'm still in possession of some CNA underpants

I think CNA closed down about over 30 years ago, just FYI. There used to be a joke at school that C&A knickers and were called that because they, I can't tell this, they had CNA on them so you do which way around to wear them. Oh my God. Anyway. There's an even more complicated one. Why does the Queen have so many children?

Because she's got ER on her nickels. As in ER, which is a sort of black contract. With apologies to... You can have to. Our late monarch. No disrespect. No, look, I, you know, me and the Queen. Is anyone what were Paddington be saying like that?

I can't, I know I've got two ears, but they tend to operate as a team. I know. I didn't know he was going to talk. He didn't know I was going to talk. I didn't know. No one told me. Sometimes they talk together.

I could personally. What were you saying? Ladies first. Aye. I text you about. You know, that totally makes up for ER on your niggins. It wasn't my joke. I'm just, don't shoot the messenger.

Was it not? No. Oh, for years I thought that was yours. It's a school joke. Is there? Yeah. Okay. I didn't hear a member at my school.

No, but I think they wouldn't even have taught Black Country dialect as a second language at your school. I'm going on I'm going on exchange to the black country Well can I finish this man Lloyd James They don't get as much of an outing as they used to They're CNA underpants

Why fronts Because you boys don't favour a Y front do you I've never even seen them for sale I haven't seen them for a long time I've worn them in the past certainly You like a brief I don't care Okay

They were purchased in Birmingham in 1989. I love that detail. Although they don't, they still fit, they don't get as much of an outing as they used to. I'm happy to send a photo of them whilst drying on the line if required. No, you're all right.

And Lloyd says, he's from North Devon, he says, I'm also scared to wear glasses in case my school friends think I've got posh since I moved down south. This is a thing. It's a problem, certainly. Okay. Fear of glasses.

What about fear of You're So Funny T-shirt? Well, yeah. Which would you rather be caught wearing by an old associate? Glasses or if You're So Funny T-shirt? I don't know about an old-sacian. I still think you're so funny is projecting out of the world that I find everyone funny is what I'm saying. Do you think it's sarcastic?

You're so funny like that. I could just say I never read it. Yeah, true. Yeah, it's upside down to you. Fair enough. I've got better things than I'm sitting and sit and read my own clothes

Too busy to read my own clothes That's what I'm going to call my biography That's a good t-shirt Yeah Would be a good t-shirt Yeah, I'm too busy to read my own clothes And if anyone asked you what was it about You said, I don't know, what does it say?

I saw one, I wrote this down But I don't think, oh yes, I've got it What about this? Boston, I saw this on someone's t-shirt on the tube Boston Anvil Company tried and tested since 1986 prestige gibberish

What's it about that? And also somebody thought I like this I like this I've long been a fan of the Boston Anvil Company Yeah I don't like the West Coast

Anvils Who do you work for Do you know the Boston Anvil company Of course I do Don't treat me like an idiot They're prestige Actually, do you mean prestigious? This is 1986.

Can I say this to our regular readers? What are new readers? I'd love, but I'll require photographic evidence. But I'd love your best obscure slogans on things. But obviously we need photos otherwise. Yes, I remember there was a girl I was at school with and she had one she always used to wear and it said bananas by boat, cargo, 1954. And I thought, what do you mean?

Mad. Why specifically that year. Now, they always choose the 80s. Yes, yeah, yeah. I went out with a woman and her friend who worked at Hooters. Sure. Had a T-shirt that said,

Deliveries at the rear only. Was it a Hooters one? No, or just in general. Hooters were actually quite nice to the female staff. Yes, so Catherine Ryan worked there. She hasn't on a good thing. to say about them? And they adopted the duolingo symbol.

They were the original owl. Well, on the Hooters T-shirt, Frank, I can't really... They're sort of booby-a-aunas, if you know what I mean. Were owls. Of course. So they were there before. Yeah, I think that's sex and wisdom.

That was what they valued. That's a bit like all of us, really. They were Athena-themed Hooters. My big problem with tops and stuff is when I wear a hooded top I can never quite decide if I wear a jacket I never know what to do with the hood I can never get it to lie flat

over the back of the jacket Yeah so it's sort of sticking up behind my head like Queen Elizabeth I first Yes it's a bit of a rough and it also looks like you've got some cheap puppet on your neck Do you mean like the mouth is all curled up. It's about to pop up from around the back

of your head and go, you should see his other jacket. It's like a cheap alligator puppet. It's horrible though. I'm aware of it behind. It's awful, Frank.

Just looking over my shoulder the stupid hood. It's awful. Do you know? You know that bloke on what's he called on gladiator's Phantom?

Who has a hood? Yes, Phantom. He has a sore of sparkly Lurex hood. But he can't decide. Sometimes he lifts it and then he takes it down again. Yeah, but I think he irons his, or he uses hair.

But what is, you're in, you were in the fashion business? I was. What are you supposed to do with the hood when you wear a jacket? It's the type of hood that you're getting. I hate to tell you, but if you will go up a price point or two, you'll find the quality slightly better. Because what happens? What a lying flat.

I tell you measure a hood quality. The fabric is more versatile, and also your string will be more flexified. Well, definitely more flexible. I might as well go home. I'm going to buy you a high-quality hood. I just want to... I remember seeing a footballer. You've ignored the offer, but trust me, it will be a life-changing.

I'm embarrassed. Made Marion quote. I spoke to this West Front player post-match. And he'd got a jacket on, and he was like a leather jacket. You're quite a chonky. Oh, that sounds horrible. And still his hood, like, flat as a pancake.

Neat. Was it, you can get leather jackets where the hood is part of it. No, no, no. You can, but I don't think anyone sane would wear that. Do they ever wear jackets on triters? Leather hood? Who would wear a leather? No, no. It's a cloth hood stitched.

No, I know that mixed fabrics look. A leather hood is very bold. Do they wear jackets on triters? Do they wear jackets? They wear hooded cloaks. Oh, no, that. but do they ever wear a jacket for them? Oh, I see.

They might do, yes. But not over them, though. They're not over them, though. You know everything so stupidly fucking melodramatic on Triton. When they're standing on a wind-swept moor. On a turret. Being told some sort of minor piece of information. Do they wear jackets over their hoods?

No, it's cloak and hood above all other layers, I'm afraid. Oh, no. What I'm saying is I just think we need to maybe start investigating different price points with some of your hooded garments. Well, let's do that and please send us Best Obscure logo Pixar, it didn't happen.

Yes, I'll afford to that. Yes, please. I wonder if people said that during the early Anglo-Saxon times and they'd say, we got invaded last week And someone would say, it picks, or it didn't have a card. I'm doing, by the way, I know I'm not, I've already done it.

What? Don't worry. I'm just trying to work out when this goes out. Let's pretend that didn't happen. The next episode of Frank Skinner's Radio Day is, can I say to my manager I was talking about, I actually had some contact with my manager. How long has it been now, three months?

I don't know. I didn't recognize it. What did he say? Was it a nice contact conversation? I said, what's happening with? With Radio Days, he said, I don't know what you're talking about. Had he not heard of him? He didn't know what it was called. Why has he gone off?

I don't know. The next episode of Frank Skinner's Radio Days, I say Radio Days, John. It's out on Wednesday. The best bits are from 2010. And this time, Emily has disgraced herself in a work canteen. I remember that. So, someone to look forward to. Let's face it.

those are getting less and less as life goes on. So depressing, Frank. It's Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio, it's the Frankskinner podcast, don't you know? Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via Frank off the radio at Avalonuk.com.