The Frank Skinner Show - Pickled Onions

Episode Date: September 8, 2025

Frank has been recording an audiobook this week and we also find out about another case of The Skinner Curse. Whatsapp us on 07457 417 769 or email [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

At Starbucks, we serve cold coffee just the way you like it. That refreshing chill of ice. That rich, smooth taste you crave. That handcrafted care every time. Your summer ritual is ready at Starbucks. It's Frank off the radio featuring him and that posh ladyo and the one with the French name from South Africa came. They're all here open racket to rain.

Close brackets today This is Frank Off the Radio I'm joined by Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli Follow the podcast on X Still called that, is it? Yeah. And Instagram You can email the podcast via

Frank Off the Radio at Avalon UK.com As for WhatsApp, I turn to one of my assistants If you want Talk about sonnets So haikus or free verse or ballets If you've ever been given someone else is a war trophy

Then you should message 0745-7-1-7-6-9 Darsonson's Creek Yeah Nice reference to the trophy that I actually received last week Yes, we should establish So everyone is up to date with this, Frank has his lobe Yeah

Yeah, it arrived last week. I do think it sounds like if you've ever been given someone else's war trophy. It does sound like that. But yeah, I was given a George Cross in 1944 under a misunderstanding. Can you still get at one of those, right?

For George Cross? Yeah. I think so. Because Victoria's well. I think you're asking the wrong blog. He's our military correspondent. Oh, yes, you're right. George Cross has the civilian equivalent

of the Victoria Cross. Oh, okay, fine. It's the highest civilian one, I think. George Cross That ought to be the name adopted by what's he called The guy who's You know the politician

Who went and spoke at Congress The Scottish guy George Galloway He ought to be called George Cross Because he always is Senator You introduce my name across the globe With no evidence

There was a Harry Cross in Brookside Do you remember? Brilliantly named Yes One of my favourite characters What was Brookside? Over to Frank. Brookside was a soap opera.

This is like CHAPT. Soap opera set in Liverpool at a sort of housing estate called Brookside Close, written by Phil Redmond. Who made Grange Hill. Oh. I actually went to an all-day seminar about soap opera when I lived in Birmingham with Phil Redmond in the chair. And he said to me, Or he said to everyone, I'm not going to make it like he talked to me personally. He said a soap opera, the thing to bear in mind with a soap opera, right, he said is,

think back to when you were at school and there was a poster on the wall that said the wildlife of Britain. He said, and in the same field there would be a fox, a badger, three owls, a otter, whatever. He said, that's what soap opera is. all exist those things, but we have to put them into one feel. Which I thought was a pretty good... Is that the case that it feels like every city gets its own, you know, so you've got EastEnders for London and whatever the Manchester one is, I can't remember. I think it will be Coronation Street.

He doesn't know the ways. I know he should know that. He doesn't know that. You shouldn't be allowed to move to this country if you don't know coronation history. I like Nigel Farage. Yeah, but that would be a much... nice say. Come over here, not knowing our soaps.

As the boat approaches you say, who was Ina Sharpeels? She was the one with the head. Welcome! Welcome! You have not been granted citizenship under the Ivy Tilsley Clause. Exactly. That'd be great.

But every city seems to have had one at least. What was Birmingham's then? You don't know. It was crossroads. And there was another one. Do you remember Albion Market? That wasn't in Burminton. Birmingham. No, where was that there? I think that was London. You know London, hogs, all these things.

I don't know, was it? Okay. I meant when I lived in Birmingham, when we used to talk about the England team. Like it was a London club. Yeah, but they had London, I know, England. Did Newcastle ever have one? Did they have a soap? Yes, they, was Hollyo? I was Holly Oaks? Was Hollyoaks Newcastle? I don't know, anyway. Someone will know.

I don't know if we should do this for the whole podcast. And preferably the person who doesn't know won't say Newcastle, I would imagine. Well, Ant and Deck, of course, they were raised from Biker Grove, which was like a kid's soap opera, I suppose. Yeah. And I think Deck went blind, didn't he?

And was led around by aunt. Right. Yeah. Isn't the days when non-blind people could play blind people? Yes. Yeah. I can't remember there was a painting or something.

We shouldn't go into detail. There's a combination of soap opera and sort of public safety. Yeah. Things don't touch electrical wiring, that kind of thing. Yeah, and then they had a spin-off single. I mean, it was big time. I was at an event this week.

A blog said to me... What event? Well, I'm not prepared. You'll see why I'm not naming. Oh, I understand. So he said, it's an older guy. He said, I think we have something in common. I said, oh, yeah.

How was the bathhouse? He said how was the bath house? What does that mean? That is quite good sort of Victorian era gay flirting I believe we have a certain thing

We have something in common You and I were not so different after all He said we both like Taram Salata And I said oh that's correct You said yes your majesty I said oh yeah I do

And he said He said I like the one from Marx He said I suppose you're a Tesco, are you? That's so rude. And I said what I always said in these situations.

Don't be full-body accent. Did you find? Yeah. He didn't talk to me again. He just walked away. I'm sorry. I thought that was quite a measured response. Yeah, that is.

And he just thought, I burbled up in this regional dialect. I wandered off. Exactly. That's how he's telling the story now. Does he what I say? You're test. Blag on. Some bloody reference to his ex.

What am I? What I said? I mean, that's quite rude, Frank. Yes. Yeah, I thought it was quite rude. And I think I have an idea I've met this bloke a couple of years ago, and he said some of a similar.

He's a bit of a class warrior, but we always think of them punch it up. Is it Simon C. Magmonte, Fiore? No, I wouldn't speak to him. Why? Because he interviewed me years ago And he was hateful What a review

Speaking of posh people I did I should probably find you a bit of I won't be able to find you I love Frank's encounters with the posh No no I was being posh I was recording You know I wrote a short story

In the style of PG Woodhouse I do remember you telling me about this Yeah so it's come The book's coming out in in October and I so I went in to do they said to me would you do the audio book and they said we've got some actors who can do it if you can't

obviously thinking they're all told by Bertie Worcester who was a sort of you know 1920s posh he's essentially my dream man well he's you know he doesn't work yeah and it's all so um and he relies on his

valet Valet, we should say. His valet, yes, I was corrected, I said valet. His many aunts. I said, I also got corrected on saying off instead of off. So I'm going to see if I can find you something on my telephone. This is so exciting. I can't wait so we can get the audio there.

So I did the audio. You're in the little studio, doing the voices. I'm saying as someone got, it really hurt my throat. I don't know how the posh keep it off. Oh, the voice. Well, that's a whole other story. Cold showers. Yeah, I don't get it.

I mean, I've been in the Royal Enclosure. They talk like that for six or seven hours. You know, I mean, they keep lubricated. I'll give them that. It was hard work. But this is posh with enunciation, because a lot of them. The modern posh of very lazy mouth. Yes, it's the more, and we love him,

but it's the more, I call it sort of Jamie Lang speak, which is you're more made in Chelsea. Oh my God, yeah. They sound like they're in the midst of a malarial fever. I'll give you, I want to go to Cuba and I'll say. So I'll give you some. This is sort of what it was like. This is without my vocal warm-up.

How's he doing? I had to abandon it, because it was borderline. I don't know if I'd even tell you what it was, but it was sort of, oh, I thought, no, I can't use this anymore. Oh my God, you just can't resist it. You don't know hear that coming from a dressing room. So it was a bit like this. Well, I suppose I'd better give Professor Mayhew.

It's five pounds, I muttered with some rue. Are you in the professor's debt, sir? Jeeves asked, always it seemed to be slightly affronted at the suggestion that I might have some part of my life free as the feathery ones and temporarily disengaged from his close captaincy. So I had to... That is, I'm going to get that, I love that, I really enjoyed that.

It got better than that. So I had to keep that up, but you feel it in your throat. Really? I feel it in my fingers. Sorry. Have you noticed that I've realized I've managed to date this modern posh thing. David Cameron does it.

He doesn't say pound or house. He says pined and hoist. But that's quite a traditional posh thing. Well, so. I thought it was old-fashioned. Yeah. But I found John Le Carre talking, saying that accent,

saying pined instead of pound, is Chelsea Cockney. Interesting. So Lecari was making fun of it in the 70s. So it must have been pretty new. Right. So this is post-war posh. We've got to get the deficit dine instead of down.

But it is interesting, and reading out loud has become quite a respective profession. What do you mean? Well, at least I was doing another voice. Yes, you were doing a voice. But I'm thinking, like TV presenters, news readers, are basically thriving on a skill which most people learn about age six. But it's sight reading, though. Most people, I think, can't do side reading. Oh, come off.

How did traffic signs work? Frank was going to use an effort, then. Fluently out loud without having to stop and start again, long prose. I don't think most people can do that. Oh, I mean, news readers, that's the easiest job. No, but come on, if you're an anchor, Frank, if you're a news anchor. Well, I don't want to condemn them for anything. No, if you're a news anchor.

You often haven't written your own link. for a start of like TV presenters. No, but I suppose if you're an anchor then you have to be able to do sort of, you have to be a journalist as well, don't you? Well, do you? Yes, Krishna and Guru Murphy. He is, he's, he's, you look like who's that?

Do you not know him? Well, I didn't say who's that, but thanks for pointed out that I didn't know who it was. He's the Channel 4 news anchor. Oh, I don't watch Channel 4 news. Oh, I love, Krishna. I don't want to be told off. Krishna doesn't tell anyone.

Turn off, he's lovely. Turn off on four news would be telling me off. I just know that. You like to stick with GB News, don't you? I, um, oh, man. You love GB News. Do you ever watch GB News? I've seen it at my mother-in-law's house.

Does she watch it? She does, yeah. I think the elderly find it comforting. Oh, okay. But it was strange because it felt like there's been a nuclear war and someone had knocked together a studio to keep battling on. It does look a bit early. lead to mid Doctor Who.

Funding for the set. There's a lot of fake town on TV News. I imagine if a newsreader or a TV presenter was at... I mean, that laminate that I read out at the beginning of the show, this is Frank off the radio, I'm joined by Emily Dink. That's their job right there. I just dash it off, you know. They must be listening to that thinking, oh, no, they've started improvising.

I did like that first bit with the laminates. I can imagine a newsread that's a school raffle and somebody gets up with a bit of paper and says, will the owner of the blue corsair's part near the gates, please move, it's causing an obstruction? And then newsreaders thinking, oh, it's a new sheriff in town, is it? Who is that?

New gonslinger after my job. With MX Platinum, access to exclusive of Amex pre-sale tickets can score you a spot track side. So being a fan for life turns into the trip of a lifetime. That's the powerful backing of Amex. Pre-sale tickets for future events subject to availability and vary by race. Terms and conditions apply. Learn more at amex.ca.com.

You can get protein at home or a protein latte at Tim's. No powders, no blenders, no shakers. Starting at 17 grams per medium latte, Tim's new protein lattes, protein without all the work, at participating restaurants in Canada. Oh, hi, buddy. Who's the best you are? I wish I could spend all day with you instead.

Uh, Dave, you're off mute. Hey, happens to the best of us. Enjoy some goldfish cheddar crackers. Goldfish have short memories. Be like goldfish. Frank, won't be. on the subject of books, I've had a brilliant, I'm going to call it a brilliant photograph in,

from Blakey. Oh yeah. Blakey's been in touch. Blakey is based in Chicago. Blakey says, I'm very surprised to find this in a bookshop in Chicago, but the great news is the Americans, at least, don't think Frank's TV career is over yet. I'll explain. There's a photograph, and there's a big sign saying television, that's the category you're under in the Chicago Bookshop.

Right, how? And right in the middle, Frank Skinner's autobiography, the purple one with the dog. Yes, of course. In between Boldly Go, William Shatner. Wow. You've got some great stable mates. You've also got a biography by...

Valerie Bertinelli. Do you remember her? She was Rhoda or something like that, I think. Oh, Rhoda. I used to really fancy her sister who I think went on to be the voice. voice of Marge Simpson. There you go.

Barbara Walters. All the greats you're there with, Frank. And I'm listed under television. Yes. No wonder Trump is sending the National Guard into Chicago. It's not beyond the realm of possibility of him directly addressing your career in a speech. And they've actually turned my book face out as well like people do when they're interviewed on. Sky News with their own books.

That's incredible. That book will never be sold in Chicago. And you're hovering just above two Tory Spellings. Which is lovely. Aaron's daughter, you may be familiar with her work. Yeah, I didn't think it was a specific conservative party grammar book. Tory Spellings are when you have one of those surnames that's pronounced completely differently to how it's written. Like Norman Sinjin-Stevus.

Oh, yeah. Sinjin. I mean... I hate people. And posh people will do this, who have a name as a test. Yes. Don't make your name a test. Ray.

Yes. What's his surname? Ray Fines. Well, both his names are a test. Fines is all right. No, it should be Ralph Fiennes. It should be Ralph Fiennes. Is he related to Ranulf?

He is. He's a cousin, I believe. They've steadily shortened that word, that first name, haven't they? Eventually, the next one will be called the F, F, F, F, Fines. Didn't Ranulf find Destroy a film set as a protest? Ranolf or Rafe?

Ranulf. What was he doing on a film set? He's the explorer? I think he was exploring. You know, it was out exploring. Well, he will do that, Frank. And I think he came across a film. I mean, we better check this.

Have you had a day out exploring, Ranulf? How's it been? Ranulf, is that? Yes, yes. lines terrible I know I'm exploring I would Where are you

I don't know darling I'm exploring I'm There's no fucking signs I would feel so embarrassed writing explorer on a survey or a form as my job I feel like it's so embarrassing

like a six year old I'm an explorer You may as well say Professor of Sweeties Dinosaurs Stanley Johnson Boris his dad, he describes himself as an adventurer.

Oh, shut up. Oh, come on. In what hairstyles? I can't remember his hairstyle. The other name tests are, is it Joaquin' Phoenix? A bit of a name test. But you might let that go. That sounds like swearing.

Yes, it does, but, doesn't it? There's something else. I think they've got a family of exotic names. They've got River, Phoenix, sadly no longer with us. Fanshaw, is the other famous setting. But there's something else to do with the Phoenix family. There's another name. There was Leif Phoenix.

Who changed it? It's more weird than just first name. Oh, is it? I can't remember what it is now. Okay. My team are on it straight away. Ha-ha. Featherstone whore, spelled, is it?

Did we find that about Ranon Fines? I can't see anything about it. Okay. Destroying a TV set. A film set, I think. Because I think he thought it was environmentally. unsound I'm loving

I wouldn't mind but it was some mothers do happen it was due to be destroyed I love I tell you what

exactly happened go on he was dismissed from I believe he was dismissed from the SAS who

Randall Fines for attempting to destroy a part of the film set for Dr Doolittle in the Cotswolds okay

it's a protest about the fact that animals don't talk it's all lies You blast and don't believe the footage. It's a trick. Bloody damn lies.

Yeah. And then they had a shot of him somewhere sitting in a dark room saying, yes, I was wrong about... Come on, speak up. I was wrong about animals not speaking. He talks to the animals. Fuck off, cat. So I was right.

He did smash up a film. You were absolutely right, but what's brilliant? Doctor Do-Little. Is that it was Doctor Do-Little in the... Cotswolds. It couldn't have been more cosy and then Ranulf wreaked havoc as he will. Yeah. So what happened to

Ranulf? You can't just smash up a film set with no retribution. Oh no, he's fair. I think this was, he said this was after, I mean look, the clue was... I bet he did the fucking Blue Peter Garden. The clue was dismissed from the... After he left

the S-A-S. Yeah, it's too hard. He's a bit volatile for the S-A-S-A-E. A doo-little cut take on an S-A-S-S man. Do I love that film? Do you want his full then? Which one? I presume it was the Rex Harrison. Well, obviously, the one with the famous seal scene, which will keep you laughing for many hours.

Tony Newley. Not the more recent Robert Downey Jr. If I could talk to the animals. To the animals. To the fun I'd have. Oh, my love. ...to a cheery chimpanzee. Oh, my God, the fucking her!

You young bastard! How would help me? Who is this lunatic? In the distant. over the hills, you just see a sprinting man. Is he eaten my face off? Sir Ranolf, do you want his full name? I'm going to give it to you.

Sir Ranolf, it's a brilliant comedy name. Okay. Sir Ranulf. Is it Ranulf on the spot? Fines. I bet he's had a few of those with his temper. Sir Ranulf, Twizzleton. Come on.

I like it so far. Wickham. Yeah. Fines. Third baronet, OBE. Okay. In other words, Michael. kind of guy.

Yeah. Wow. Twizzleton. Wandsworth, 1981, the 1980s. Do we know what happened to him?

I'm sorry to get you to do it. No, I'm really happy to do it. I know quite a lot. I'm he thrilled. You've got to go to prison if you smash off Dr. Dolittle. It probably was just that

it went to the military police and they just went, we'll just kick him out the SAS and that's his punishment. Oh, I thought it was post SAS. It was post SES. Oh, I thought he was dismissed for smashing up Dr. Doolittle.

Oh, look. Look, I feel very under pressure. Yes, he was, you're absolutely right. He was dismissed from the SAS, correct, for that act. Oh, okay. Because he attempted to destroy the Dr. Doolittle set in the courts walls. Did he think he was Dr. Doodle was some celebration of people living on benefits?

So he went absolutely ballistic. He's probably junior doctors. It's part of the training for the Iranian embassy siege. Yeah. Do you think, oh, Ran off. What a thing, though, to see. smash up films? Well, I think it was because

he felt they were down, in order to make the film, they had dammed a creek, which he felt was unenvironmental. So his reasons were quite poor. Yes, I am, sir. They have challenged. But that's, there's nothing posher than being in the SAS and caring

and an insane amount about the countryside. Those are two very posh things at once. Mm. Yes, so that's, that is, you're absolutely right, Frank. And that is why he was kicked out of the SAS. Okay. What was that other information I asked you about? Quacking Phoenix's dad?

Yes. John Lee Bottom. Oh, that's fantastic. Who is that? That's his father. That's his father, yeah. John Lee Bottom. There you go.

That's another posh place you can live in the Kosswell, isn't it? John Lee Bottom. Yeah, it probably is. You used to have a train station in the 60s, doesn't anymore. John Lee Bottom, I was featuring in my Wild West version of a mid-summer-night street. Here comes John Lee. button to inspect the wall. You also learnt one not long ago,

which was Clifton. Oh yeah, which, yeah. Because you went to that, yeah. Yes. I think we slept in the same bed that Megan and Harry had slept. Did you? That was a story. Who knows?

Famously associated. Of course, Kathmand me take my trousers off and I had to go home after I'd been in here. Frank, we've also had some... You wouldn't clean, they'd keep no sheets, wouldn't they? Not Harry and Meghan. If I'm framed in the dining room, yeah. Exactly.

Tis a piece of the very cloth. Yeah. Sell it to a... Although I don't know, because they're not technically royals anymore. I know, but they do hate to point out. Yes, they are celebrity. Frank, we've had Lisa Patrick, editor of Puzzler Arrow Words.

Well, yes. Is Frank aware that his favourite fish and chip shop the cods, scollops in Harbourn, Birmingham, has now closed down. No. Yet another victim of the Skinner Curse, I think. Messwish is Lisa. Not the cods, Scolops.

One of the worst ponds ever. That was a really good chip shop. I know. I wanted to break it to you gently. There's so many shit chip shops in London. Yeah, they're really bad. And then the one that said, if that one had been in London, and people would have come from miles around to eat this rare food.

Proper chips, yeah. Yeah. There's a chippy near me where I sort of walked past a few times and you want it to be a bit dingy, I think, a good fish and chip shop. You want there to be a kind of plain formica aspect to it. I like the ones that haven't won an award for their pies.

Yes. There's not many of them around. Well, there aren't any really good ones in London, but this one had the look. I thought, this looks like the kind of fish and chip shop you get in a half-empty seaside town. Those are the good ones. Do you know what I'd like?

It's always a good sign if they give me a little sausage for my dog. Oh, that's good. Oh, I've never been given a sausage for my dog. Is that called a Savalore? It is a salivoli, yeah. I don't know what that.

It's also a good... Battered or naked. None of your beeswax. Okay. Also a good sign, a half-empty jar of pickled eggs on the counter. Oh, yeah. Who buys those? Who will buy it?

Well, I had a pickled onion the other night at my brother-in-law's house. And there were children there going, what is that? Can I try it? And I'm saying, I'll tell you a peat. And they're going, oh, oh, no, what is it? Yeah.

I mean, has that become a rare thing? If you'd said it was solid kimchi, they'd have known maybe. Oh, yeah. I mean, I think it's a slightly medieval thing. What are pickled, aren't you? Yeah, just popping that in your mouth. It feels a bit barbaric. I work with someone.

who said, I have my own brand of pickled onions. I'll send you a jar. And it was Barry Norman, the film critic. What? No longer with us, sadly. No longer with us. Do you know Barry Norman? No.

But I can't quite see the connection between film criticism and tickling. There was no connection. He was a man. He was a Renaissance man. He was a Renaissance man. Yeah. I'll tell you what he would have been trying to get in on it. It was when Paul Newman started the salad dressing.

The salad dressing wave in the 80s. And then every other celebrity sort of thought, oh, maybe I should do that. It was the beginning of branding. It has died down a bit now, though, because we still have, who's the guy from, you know, who would live in a house? Lloyd Grossman's pasta sauce.

Yeah, so we still have his pasta sauce. Find them a bit garlic. Actually, stuff with a celebrity's face on the label is virtually disappear. I prefer it when it's maximum irrelevance, like pickled onions and film criticism like there to be no link at all

well funny enough Barry Norman did to be fair to give him a link did look a bit like a pickled onion okay that's good he was famous for his eyebags very yeah very very very

wrinkly keep his pickled onions in there and of course Kylie Minogue has the rosé is she on the label though I believe she's probably got her signature on the label well she's got the sheets

the bed linen as well and the glasses But imagine Barry Norman has interviewed, let's say, Peter Eusternall. No, well, let's say Julia Roberts, and he says, what are you up to now? And she says, well, I've got a fragrance on the market. Oh, yeah, I've got some biting pickled onions. I thought you're going to say, what if Julia Roberts was also doing similar, pork scratchings. Julia Roberts, pork scratching.

I tell you what they have now, celebrities, they all have a whiskey, don't they? Yes, yeah. Oh, they love a whiskey brand? Why do they like the alcohol so much? The American celebrities, it's always a tequila. Oh, tequila, you know, I don't really... They invest in it. Do you not?

But, you know. But this chip shop I walked past, some people were opening their chips, and they're basically French fries. They were thin, they were crispy. Frank, it's not right at all. We've also heard from 259, someone who's just got married, congratulations. So he's been catching up on the podcast. When you're only Pierre's, what, Five months away?

Yeah. Do we have to get gifts? I don't mean to ask you on air, but I feel a bit awkward. I think I'm getting a gif. Well, I don't know what to do because they didn't send a guest, like, what is it called, Frank? Gift Registry. The wedding. The registry, gift registry.

The only present we need is your presence. Is that real, though, or is that a British thing? No, that's real. Really? I think so. I don't know. We'll see. Are you going to get a gift?

Definitely not. Really? Why not? Well, I don't like buying gifts The cost of And also, if someone's saying to me Don't buy me a gift Why do I want to...

Because I never believe that. I think that's kind of like... I know, I might not believe it But just when I don't buy, we all know who's fault it is. That's what I like about it. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. You can only take people at their word.

Okay. What people often do these days, it's changed, is that they say, we don't want any gifts, we just want your presents. Well, me and Katz said We don't want any gifts or your presents You did

And do you know, I loved, I found that transaction very clean Because I could, I did take gas around some flowers, can I say And some cookies for bars, nothing for you No But I found, I like that, Frank All the pressure was removed I had my reward Oh, oh, you're sicker

Yes, I sometimes find They ask you to contribute to a honeymoon fund What do you think of that instead of gifts? Well, I mean, obviously I don't get invited to many weddings now because, well, a lot of my contemporaries are dead. Funerals. Actual God. People never ask for gifts at a funeral, I found.

You never get a funeral list when I say, can you do some brass handles? Or would you get this placking grave? I've done it before. Wip around for the tombs, have you? It's not a list. I've had a few funerals in my time to manage it. But I once said...

I don't remember you asking me for a deal. No, I wouldn't have done that. But someone did ask me, and it was... God I said, it was someone extremely wealthy. And they said, I would like to contribute. And I said, fine, you can get the flowers at the show. And they did. Oh, I'd have handed them a shovel and said, get digging, mate.

That's what they need. The posh. Oh, okay. And then when the bill came through, they went, I didn't know it was going to be that much. And also the thing. people want, you know. People say can have four napkins and napkin holders.

Why? Why do you want that? I thought about that when I was on Desert Island Discs and it said luxury item. I thought I'm going to have an actual luxury item of four napkin holders of napkin, which I will never use other than clothes. I once got someone, yes, I always get once,

there was only the tartan picnic blanket left and that's what they ended up with. You have to get in early. Anyway, let's continue with 259 who wanted to ask you something, Frank, regarding the one with Frank eating crumbled croissant from a doggy poop bag. Do you remember that?

Yes, of course. That was when I was on my archaeological dig. I was on my archaeological dig and Frank resorted to keeping his croissant in the poo bag. We live in Colorado. I love that we have a Colorado listener. And often take our two dogs for long hikes.

I'm not sure why. I bet there's some walks in Colorado, middle of the Rockies. Is this a read you were doing in the middle of it? Yeah, I'm doing an advert for the Colorado tourist. I'm not sure why. Perhaps for lack of a better solution, my husband routinely packs his snacks

of nuts, raisins and chocolate into a poop bag. It's safe to say he gets a lot of strange looks as he reaches into the poop bag and pulls out a small round nugget and pops it in his mouth. I bet. I'm so glad to know that he's not the only one to have had this solution to this problem.

That's 259. Frank, you're not alone. No, I was desperation for me, but doing it by choice. Yeah. I wonder if they went on those walks over, grab the dog bite to Colorado. Oh, my God, Frank. You were so excited when you saw that one.

If this guy does it long enough, he could get a sort of reputation, like sort of Bigfoot, like a local myth. the Colorado Pooh eater Yeah there'll be a few of those though they're everywhere

Frank saw it on the tube recently Yeah if you go on the internet you'll find You'll be one in your local area It's a certainty Yes what else What else Well

We've also had someone Do you remember someone got in touch Regarding your encounter With an angel On the underground Oh yes You seem to do You meet a lot of people on the underground.

Well, there's a lot of people on the underground. Angels, one minute, defecators the next. Did I ever tell you about when I was on a... It was an underground train. It was a train, like an overground train. And a bloke came and sat opposite me, and he was wearing a t-shirt that said, if you're happy and you know it,

keep your mouth shut. Right. In other words, I don't want to hear about it. yeah um so i thought okay so i just sat and i just i put my headphones in i was listening to some music and after about 10 minutes i looked across and the carriage was completely full but not only was it completely full everyone was talking to each other and i thought i've looked at this bloc's t-shirt which is like the height of misanthropy Listen to a bit of music and the world has changed.

It's one of those weird moments where everyone is happy and talking and there's no strangers on the train anymore. How brilliant. Anyway, I realised they'd all gone to the same conference and gone on at the same stop. But it just made me think what life could be. Oh, I love that. People spoke to each other. Just take the metro in Manchester.

Do they talk to each other? It was the north. They all talk to each other. buses and public transport up there. I don't know what you talk about. I've never heard of Coronation Street. You can't move on from that. It's really bad.

I just ask them what happens in it. So, catch me up. Just in the next 20 minute metro ride, catch me up on this. I've lapsed, I've got to be honest. Have you? I mean, I used to watch everyone, but then they started getting more and it was a threat. Well, they do all the issues now. It's quite good.

How often have they done the It Was All a Dream in a Coma thing? Oh, they don't do that in the British soaps, do they? They, there was at East Enders when Dirty Den died and returned. Because as the Catholic, I find that hard to condemn. Leslie, Yolo, as far as I'm concerned, I'm sorry. Leslie, who? You only live on? Leslie Grantham.

I thought we were back to Coldplay. It should be yalt if it came back. And it was all yolo. That would be good, wouldn't me? He should do a song called it's all yolo. Why doesn't he do that? And it's all about, you know, living for the moment, Carpe D.M, very cold play sentiment. You should get, I actually think you and Chris Martin would get on quite well.

Do you? No, I don't think so. I think he'd be telling me off. Why do you shut so many doors in your life? Because people tell, you know. Why would Chris Martin tell you off? Why? You are so... For like, it's too angry, Frank.

I'd say something like, I'd be talking about some bloke who'd shud himself on the chubes. and he'd say, you know, these people, those people, he wouldn't have had your opportunities in life and all that. And then I'll have to say to him, but I shit myself a few times when I was an alcoholic. And then he, you know, then he'd feel it was one Ombudship. Is that who said that you both like Tarama Salata?

No, it was a Chris. Look, you know, I'm sure he's a lovely man. Yeah. I think he once went on a, oh no, he was due to go on a, a blind date with my wife before she was. Is that right? Yeah, and I think Kath bailed. Yeah, but look at the prize she ended up with.

Yeah. And a man sitting in his pants watching... Scowling at queer eye. Yeah, exactly. And as the song says, it was all yellow. Oh. Have we actually finished this email? No, it was only because you mentioned the...

encounter with the angel. And one of the things that had... I think the angel had spectacles on or something. Yes, that's what made me think it wasn't an angel. But Joe Hackney has solved this, which I liked. Joe Hackney? Yes. Oh, this is like Eric Morkum, isn't it?

It wasn't like you choose your local area for a name? I've had a truly celestial thought. The only logical place for the angel to have got their eyes tested, Vision Express. Vision Express. It's a great odd. I'm surprised Frank didn't make that connection. connection himself. Oh, because he was a vision.

The world of Catholicism being absolutely a wash with visions. Yes, I get very fine. It could make sense, Frank. Yes, that is good. I like it. So I think you did see an angel, as what I'm saying. What if it was an angel, and I'm just talking about it on a podcast as if there was some odd bloke. It was the real deal.

Oh, man, that's going to work against me. Come judgment day. Good in your pants. And did thee not ignore me on the tube? I didn't know. I thought it was just some knock at your own. Said the word nutcase. Another ten years in purgatory. Don't you start telling me off.

How dare you another ten years? Anyway, sorry, that was back when I met Chris Martin. The next episode of Frank Skinner's radio days, Remember her? Oh, yeah. The best bits from my former radio show is out on Wednesday. We're still in 2010. And I guess this time is Sarah Milliken.

Lovely. So always worth a listen right with Don. I've plugged, which I always do at the end. I've plugged I saw I conquer. Exactly. That was actually the what a bloke said on Queer Eye for a State Island. Oh, God. It's Frank off the radio.

Frank off the radio Frank off the radio It's the Frankskinner podcast Don't you know Thanks for listening to the podcast Make sure to like and follow So you never miss an episode And if you want to get in touch

You can email the podcast via Frank Off the Radio at Avalonuk.com