The Frank Skinner Show - Pinkie

Episode Date: June 16, 2025

This week Buzz had a surprising request for Frank while he was watching the football. The team also chat about Mock the Week, chef demonstrations and Paul McCartney's question for Cath. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Uh, excuse me, why are you walking so close behind me? Well, you're a tall guy. You throw a decent shadow when I'm walking in it to keep out of this bright sun. It hurts my eyes. Okay, well you know at Specsavers, you can get two pairs of glasses from $149 and oh, you'll like this. One can be a pair of prescription sunglasses. Sounds great!

Where's the nearest store? Mmm, not far. Come on. Let's hurry then. To my count. One, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-1 on repeat for just $2.50 a month. Learn more at pcexpress.ca. It's Frank off the radio featuring him and that posh lady-o and the one with the French name who from South Africa came

they're all here open brackets, hooray! Close brackets today! Da da da da da da da This is Frank Off the Radio. I'm joined by Emily Dean and Pierre Navelli. It's always the ladies first. Follow the podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via

frankofftheradio at affilonuk.com. You can WhatsApp us on, I think I'm going to do a straight one this week. That's such fabulous contributions for musical versions of this which I will reuse. But just for the sake of tradition, you can WhatsApp us on 07457 417 769. So many sevens. Yeah. Is that more or less memorable? Um, what too many sevens. I've even got them in my car. Sevens in the back seat of my Cadillac.

Let me take you this. When PA looks at me like, I don't know what you're talking about. It's a hot chocolate song called heavens in the backseat of My Cadillac. I imagine he was telling a young woman that so that she'd go and investigate and then he would... Pounce. Or he might not pounce. Let's say he'd take his opportunity. On that note... That lovely note.

I was taking the dog for a walk this morning and I listened to... What time do you go for your walk, do you mind me asking? This morning I... Generally? Well, when my son's at school I drop him at the bus stop. And do you take Poppy with you for the school walk? Oh, how lovely! So, but I do...

But we only go as far as the bus stop. He gets the bus into school and then I do the the long the long walk with the dog because she wears a pit pat which is the thing that monitors her mileage I have to walk until it goes and then I've got a daily that means I'll hit a daily target oh so the pit pat is handy it's like the um it's like the human thing isn't it a fit bit yeah yeah but so the pit pat itself barks yeah the pit pat is handy. It's like the human thing, isn't it? The Fitbit. Yeah. So the pit pat itself barks. Yeah, the pit pat barks and that tells you that you've done your walk for the day. I mean, I like to crack it, go further, of course.

How does it bark in increasingly exhausted ways? No, no, it has no interest once you've hit your target. It's like a narrow-minded industrial boss in that respect. So you were taking Poppy for a walk. And I listened to the Rosary in a Year podcast. Yes, of course, yeah. Yeah. And then I felt...

The rest is Catholicism. I actually heard Pete Wicks and Sam Thompson talking about it on their podcast. The rest is beads. So I could almost hear a saxophone going, and I realised I was absolutely physically pining to hear Little Richard's The Girl Can't Help It. Do you know that song? Yes, of course.

Such a great song. Do you know it Pierre? I'm sure It's a song that's a little out of place now probably because it's about it's celebrate It's celebrate. I don't think it's very it celebrates the fact that a beautiful woman can have on the world around her Okay, so when she walks by the world around her. So when she walks by... It's called a girl can't help it, but anyway. Yeah, because when she walks by the menfolk getting grossed, when she winks her eye the bread slice turn to toast. She's got a lot, I love this line, she's got a lot of what they call the most. love this line she's got a lot of what they call the most and it's a great song I played it five times in succession did you? On your walk? Yeah and it just you weren't

it was making me so happy I was physically grinning but I was twitching it was like there was electricity going through my body you know when music absolutely hits the spot. I think I'm thinking of the wrong one I know something that the girl can't help it. That's it. Oh okay I quite like that. The girl can't help it she was born to please. Oh I don't know about that. I don't know about that. She can't help it for a fingers made to squeeze No no no no no no no no No no absolutely not Does it help little Richard was gay? Absolutely not What are you suggesting because he was an ally

He might not have been an ally Well most games are not allies Whenever a bloke says he's an ally I always think what's he after? You know what they say, the boy can't help it, he just can't help it. Well he does say that at the end. He's hoping that she'll marry him. Well was he though? I think perhaps in real IRL he was. Well not in IRL, but in the character of the song. It's interesting because it's interesting you mention

that because I was talking to a young woman that I know and I said have you lost weight? And then I thought, oh no. You know what I did? I acknowledged that she had some sort of physical presence. Physical shape. Yeah, whereas of course. You shouldn't really do that. What I have to do is just view her as some abstract intelligence wrapped

in a kind of a vaper, human vaper. You've got to speak to people like they're made of gas. Yeah, I have. It's the modern way. I have. No, but don't comment anything on the body, guys. I've acknowledged that she has a physical... It's not...

You don't have to treat them like gas. Just don't talk about their body, maybe. Man, it's so difficult. But it's not really gas, is it? But it's also clothes and hair. Just don't mention any of it. No, don't. No, I don't.

Don't do clothes and hair. Stick to gas. Yeah, just vapour. Invisible, like talking to steam. What was her reaction when you said, have you lost weight? She just slapped me across the face. She didn't. Girl can't help it. Well, it could have been worse.

I could have said, have you gained weight? Oh, for God's sake, you wouldn't say that. It's just one of those, I think one of the reasons I needed to be a little Richard was just to sort of cleanse me of that, just to remember a time when you could celebrate beauty. Do a squeeze? Her fingers face a squeeze. The opening sequence in that film, which it accompanies, is Jane Mansfield, who was a pretty astonishing looking woman walking down, and it's like men falling off ladders and stuff like that. Oh I don't know. I'm lost. I'm out of time. Well you're not

really because you know you do the work. I know but you've lost. You do the work. You said it and then you thought oh I shouldn't have said that. Yeah you were acknowledged. I exist. You need to release a cover maybe, rewrite it, for the modern age. What, the girl can't help it? Yeah. What, the girl knows exactly what she's up to? The girl has agency over her own body. The girl exists.

The girl's very intelligent and great fun to be with as long as you've got your eyes shut. Frank, you don't have to keep your eyes shut. You take it so extreme. You do, shut. Frank, you don't have to keep your eyes shut. You think it's so extreme. You don't have to keep your eyes shut. Just as a rule of thumb, I think it's a good idea. Oh, but you're so extreme. Not that I'm suggesting she's got thumbs.

No. We don't mind thumbs. We don't mind you mentioning our thumbs. It's tricky. I've got my... I had my son's yesterday. I think I like your thumbs. It would be even more unsettling. That would be a word. If someone came up to you and said, I just want to say you've got great thumbs.

If you were hitchhiking, it'd be alright. Do people still hitchhike, Fang? Or if you were recording an episode of Selwyn, oh no, it's Selwyn Froggit. Or if you were auditioning to be Paul McCartney's body double, all good. He likes a thumbs up. Oh yeah. That's his signature move. I just, every time I hear Paul McCartney, I just hear him singing meetfreemondays.com. Oh.

Remember that video? No. No. It was mid-noughties maybe? He released a sort of mad video. Oh actually, yes. Meetfreemondays.com. He's sort of singing it into a kind of handy cam in his garden or something about just go vegetarian one day a week. Not his best song.

No but he was ahead of his time. Where Linda was. Didn't he just follow Linda? I was talking to him once at an after show. You get on rather well with him I find. I did but I was a bit worried when he took my girlfriend to one side and said is he treating you alright. But he did urge you to have kids. One black eye. Oh Frank that's awful. No but why would he say that? What did he think? I'd treat her like a princess.

You'd marry her off for the land. Exactly. A chattel. Not like the Duke of Edinburgh would treat a princess. I was going to say. According to Mahalad Fayed. I think we're starting to think perhaps princesses get a bit of a raw deal. Anyway, that's what he did. He said, is he treating you all right?

I thought, why is he asking that? It's quite, you know what? I'd hate Paul McCartney to say that as well, because that's like God or something. Yeah, but I went to bed that night and thought, he didn't fucking say that. He said, bloody hell, you've done well is what he actually said. Can't believe you're punching him off. I doubt he said that. I hope he said that.

He didn't. Put it this way, it would never have come back to me if he had. What did Kath say? Well, I'll tell you what we don't know. What did Kath say? Well, exactly. She might have said, no no it's horrible to me. Keeps showing off my cakes without my permission. And McCarney says yeah it all stands for us,

don't stand for the girl. He probably said that's what he's like when he's off stage. He suddenly becomes the much more modern Scouse. Anyway I treat it with tremendous love and respect. So there Okay, I was finding it reassuring when someone has to keep saying that. I'm just just reminding myself. Okay Yeah, just in case McCartney's listening Anyway that happened, okay, so Anyway that happened. Okay. So I'm... Four, five, seven. Ah. Four, one, double, seven. Now some of you might think I've accidentally hit the jingle.

Well I think we know what's happened. But that is what happened. A little... How did you manage to do that, Frank? Your pinky brushed it. I just reached for a cup of tea and yeah, it was my pinky. Your pinky was sticking out because it's good to be fancy. Yeah, couldn't we establish that pinky is a little finger in case anyone is alarmed?

I absolutely hate that when men's pinkies stick out. Really? When they're, Frank, when they're having a cup of tea. Oh, go, it makes me ill. It used to be seen as a sign of... Refined. Refinement. Breeding and refinement.

Why? Do we know why? I remember it from some cartoons and I think Poirot would do it. I think it's to do with that... Well, it's that sort of etiquette and sort of niceties over manners, but... But why is it nicer to have your pinky out? I don't know. I don't know.

It's rude to grab things with all your fingers. I think it might suggest that you were more at home with a mug than a china teacup. You were getting all the fingers in the handle, whole. Trying to jam all of your workman's fingers into a lovely... Anyway, look, I was watching TV. Yes. I was watching England lose to Senegal. Yes. And my son said to me, do you mind if I tattoo you? Did he? No.

Extraordinary. Were you both in prison? In a way. He's teaching you like his cellmates. I'm starting a gang and I'd just like to get it right on you before I... I said yeah. I said to him, he said it only lasts like four days. Four days? Yeah. I said, oh, it's just fine.

It's fine. So I was watching the football and he put this thing on my leg, this template, and then he started poking away at it with these metal things. Which part of, was it your lower or upper leg if I may ask? Oh, it looks rather good, Frank. That's some sweet ink. We should say, Frank, do you want to do an audio description? Frank's going to erase his left leg. Along the mid part of his shin, slightly to the left,

are four planets of varying colours. The purple one is a bit sm- yeah. Yeah. It's a bit, oh Oh is it? No it's much... So it started to really sting. Oh no! Oh no! Are those planets permanent? And I said, have you... I said, are you scratching me? And he said no. And I looked, they're quite sharp metal things that you put there. And I said, where... Hold on, where's it from? He said, I got it online.

I said, let me have a look while I can still see. My pen pal in San Quentin sent me his kit. Anyway, it says... I got it from someone who just got sprung from the moor. He was doing bird. He didn't need it anymore. It said made in China. So that was, I thought, thought well at least I know it's

been properly tested. I find that very reassuring. Yeah I'll be just happy if there's no spyware in it. And what do the symbols all of the symbols mean do you know? They're just planets. Oh they're just planets. I don't know I might recognise Saturn but the other planets look pretty similar. Well you like astronomy don't you? Oh I love it. I heard you were a massive astronomy fan. Did you? Well, I look up sometimes at night.

There you go. I mean I've never, I don't know, I have a tattoo. Do you guys have that? I once met a woman who told me she was Britain's most tattooed woman. Really? She shouldn't have to say that. Well, she was very heavily tattooed. Did you have it all over her face? That's where I struggle.

She did have some on her face and all her neck was done. But then she started showing me other parts that were tattooed. And she raised her dress to show me her upper thigh. I mean, this was a woman I would say was in her mid-70s. So my catchment area. Your ward. It's not in tennis, yours. Maybe we could bath together. I'll leave the door open on the bath.

I've left the door open honey. Come on in the waters. She like raised the dress and I became aware of like a whole what must have been ten the chains of about ten labial piercings just hanging down to her to her knee level. What sort of Jacob Marley? Yeah! That would have really changed Christmas Carol. Scrooge! Oh! You alright? I wear the labial piercings I forged in life. What? I am compelled to drag them round for eternity. Oh!

Day by day another link is added. What's that? Oh, it's Jacob and his labial piercings again. Yeah, terrible. They didn't quite drag on the floor but they were close. If she'd knelt they would have touched the ground. No. Which was good because I was feeling a bit of travel sickness. If ever she was in a lightning storm and needed to be earthed, she could kneel. Did it look like a sort of Gulliver's Travels? The tiny citizens were trying to pin her down. The Lilliputians? The Lilliputians. It started with a labia, we'll pin her down. It looked like the curtain that separates the Chinese takeaway from the living court. Oh my god.

Oh god. Sorry everyone. It was quite, I mean I did that very British thing of not even noticing the chains so to speak. I just looked, she just was pointing out these tattoos. She probably forgot they were even there. Well I suppose if you, yeah. Did you have any geese hanging off of them or anything?

Any geese. I'm just saying, if you're going jogging, often I think where does one put... I don't think she could have jogged. Oh, it depends on the geese. Everyone would have gone home saying, God, I've had jingle bells in my head all day. I don't know why. It's a real feel. When she walked, she would have sounded like when a sort of cowboy enters a saloon. Yeah, exactly.

Sheriff? Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were somebody else. Keep hearing that sheriff walking past. But he never does appear. Oh man, it's great though to reveal knee length labial chain piercings and not even, there wasn't even what she was showing me. Never mind that. It's quite a party trick. Oh man, I wonder if she's still around. She was like an older lady. Yeah.

That's a lovely way to end it. Yeah. I wonder if she's still around the late piercing woman. I might. I can't hear anything. If she is, she's currently resting. This episode of Frank Off The Radio is sponsored by Car Gurus. Do you ever feel like car shopping is designed to make you second guess yourself? You know, is this a good price? Am I making the right choice? With Car Gurus, you don't have to wonder. With hundreds of thousands of cars from top rated dealers to choose from, and the tools, information and data driven deal ratings, you can find the best deal.

Join over 6 million buyers who've found their best deal with CarGurus. Go to cargurus.co.uk to make sure your big deal is the best deal. That's cargurus.co.uk cargurus.co.uk cargurus yes search by sale sorted I've never had tattoos I remember there was aogue, I want to say like maybe five or six years ago to get white tattoos. Which I thought was a bit cowardly because I thought come on either get it or don't. It was a bit of a wimpy guy, kids guide to get it. What is a white tattoo? So a white tattoo is so that you can't really see it, it's not as visible. But it's permanent?

Yeah, it's permanent. Yeah, white ink. Go the whole hog, either commit or don't. I always think it's a shame when you see one that definitely used to be sort of crisp and have a nice outline, but it's got that kind of faded green, you know, and the crisp lines get a bit blurry and you think, oh, it's kind of faded green, you know, and the crisp lines get a bit blurry and you think, oh, it's a shame. Well I had a girlfriend who had a gone tattoo.

You left a long pause there. And she had many, many attempts at tattoo removal, which made it go a bit you know silvery and a bit less but she couldn't get rid of it. I always said if I had the technology that's what I would invest in those tattoo removals in about ten years time there'll be a lot of people in their 50s saying could you get rid of all these. Well then you have a Johnny Depp scenario where he had Winona forever didn't he and then he had to get it amended and that he now has Wino forever. Oh gosh. Well it's one way out of a jam. Yeah I mean I still regret my Cleopatra coming

at you Tattoo. He's lucky that he could make a word out of Winona if he'd gone out with someone called Neve. You're screwed. But you don't want to be, I mean Frank you wouldn't want to. Naive forever, he could have changed it too. He had a certain innocence, a childlike innocence about him. Belied by his tattoo of course. Exactly, belied by many many things about Charlie Teff I would say.

I think tattoos, the thing about tattoos is I used to associate them with a sort of subculture and I liked them then but I think now they have become a bit sort of Love Island, just had my teeth done in Turkey, white box-bash trainers, I don't know, I'm less keen on... I like ones where you can see instantly what it is. Sometimes people get those sleeves done where they're so comprehensive that they sort of, you'd have to examine them like a tapestry or something to go, well, what is that? And you have to rotate the whole arm and go, oh, it is the Bayot tapestry. I would love to see that on someone's back. Yeah.

Tire Bayotapestry. The really terribly drawn characters. Yes. yeah, yeah. Yeah, King Harold on their forehead. The facial tattoo, I mean, that's a real step, isn't it? It's a big commitment, isn't it, babe? How do you even get tattooed on your nose? Your nose. It doesn't feel like it should take. Well, it feels like it would hurt. Yeah, well, yeah.

I'm guessing they do. Anyway, I don't know how long this is going to last, but considering it was made in China, Well, yeah, I guess in they do anyway. I don't know how long this gonna last but Considering it was made in China. It might last longer than I do Poison kicks in You're about to speak Yeah, I got a bit you know when you used to see a mock the week when they would all jump into that pit with their joes? Oh god, it was that when they had to walk up to the microphone.

I went like, and sometimes you'd see someone go, uh, uh, uh, uh, and then someone else would jump in. The more confident comedian. Yeah, it was all about bullishness. Oh, I didn't like it. Did you ever do mock the week? I did, yeah, but I only did it. I signed up for three, I did one.

And how did you find it? I didn't like that. I actually got some big laughs on it it? I didn't like that. I actually got some big laughs on it but I didn't like that. I like comedians when they're all sort of bouncing off each other rather than punching each other in the face, you know what I mean? And was it a bit punch in the face? You used to get the, you know, what you were going to talk about so everyone had done their homework and you needed to get your joke in early because you know if you're talking about I don't know whatever that the subject was that week Boris Johnson having another child there's there's gonna be jokes that overlap so you want to get in the

Those jokes before the you know before the other one Yeah, it was I Mean it was a popular show and it made some big stars. It did. Yes, I always thought the bare pit looked hideous. Anyway, we've had a missive which I wanted to share to you. Dear Frank, Emily and Pierre, you were talking recently about interactive plays. Sounds like us. Well, my auntie took me to see the circus of horrors when I was around 11 years old. Whilst everyone was taking their seats...

I don't know what that is. Should I know what it is? No, well we'll soon find out. I mean, I'm having a... I can never guess what it is, but carry on. Okay. Whilst everyone was taking their seats and waiting for the show to start a very rowdy drunk man in the audience kept shouting asking when is the show gonna start? Hmm. Everyone awkwardly sat there whilst this man got increasingly louder and more aggressive. A member of the staff came out on the stage and asked the man to calm down and that the show would start shortly. He then pulled a gun out of his jacket and shot her on stage. This turned out to be part of the

show. Oh. Obviously the theatre went into rapture as everyone was trying to get out. I think she means, I don't know, rapture. To panic. Yeah, panic. My auntie, I was 11 years old. I think the aunt saw Circus of Horrors and thought, that's what we'd find. Yeah, exactly, I'll get Winifred. My auntie still apologises to me to this day, that's Alex from the Whirl. That is a lot for an 11 year old. To see a man being shot.

A man shooting a woman? A man shooting a woman. Oh, it was a woman. Oh, god. And also, it gets worse and worse. It gets worse and worse. I mean, that was traumatic enough for a grown-ass adult. And then people fleeing. Imagine the poor little Scouse child, Alex.

Oh, no, it's happening, Auntie. It's just taking me home. I can see this in town. I don't like it, it's horrible. You know that thing that Elvis had a derringer down his boot under his jumpsuit. So if anyone shot him, he didn't want anyone going to my bragging that they'd shot Elvis. So he wanted to take them out. And it was that image of him, the stain of blood growing ever bigger on his white jumpsuit he fired randomly into the crowd of people who loved him so much. Fired randomly into a crowd of Vegas pensioners.

Son of a bitch. Woohoo! The only other person I've heard of who owned a derringer was John Wilkes Booth for God's sake. A derringer. It's had a white pearl handle I think so if it did appear on stage it wouldn't clash. Do you know I always thought that was lovely the way they would get that. There was a friend of mine, my dad's a German friend, he said, yeah we have guns everywhere

and a nice pearl handle for my wife. A white pearl handle. A gun for the lady. I went firing at clay pigeons once. It's not very you. I actually I was starting to hit, I remember David Baddiel said to me you could be in the Olympic. Were you quite good at it? I started hitting a lot of them and I remember

this one I broke the, the guy who was showing us, I broke the shotgun, you know you break it and you get like a cloud, a puff of gunpowder and his face was very close to mine, neck, the other side of the shotgun and he looked at me and said best smell in the world. Then I started to be a little uneasy and he took us to see his collection including he had an elephant gone which in South East London I couldn't really see a reason for. The zoo. But Julian Dix the West Ham player. Are you familiar, do you know, are you familiar with his work? Mm-mm. Would you say for briefly, Frank, he was in the sort of Vinnie Jones hard man chair?

Yeah, he was a football hard man. Okay. For West Ham. And his Purdy was there. His Purdy shotgun. And it was very ornate. And what he'd had done is on the plate. I don't know what you call that plate.

You know about guns. The plate, yeah. Just because he's out there. Oh no, I do. He's absolutely right. Did you have to keep guns then? We, well, we had guns for non-sporting reasons in South Africa. No, but did you all have loads in the house?

We had two guns, yeah. Okay. But not guns, guns. We had pistols. Sorry Frank, back to Frank in the studio. Yeah, you know we have those doorbells when you can see the person outside, they had guns. Anyway, so on the plate he'd got his two children's faces engraved on his shotgun. So he could remember who not to shoot at. Maybe. Not them. Is that helpful? I don't remember.

Hold on, let me. Oh, hold on. Oh God, why did I grab this beard? You're free to go. Yeah, but that was lovely. Sorry, do carry on. You're free to go. Yeah, but that was lovely. Sorry, do carry on. Well, that was just from Alex in The Whirl.

We've also, sorry, what were you going to say something? Well, we had a regarding Domino's. Oh, Domino's. The Domino's Debate. I said that my wife Kath, without any intended comedy or any irony, kept going on about dominoes and I realised she was on about dominoes, please. So praise redacted long time reader, first time caller, this is Paul. Following on from the dominoes debacle, I was reminded of my elderly mother-in-law. Cue, you know, cigarette,

mime, northern accent. We would often attend food and drink festivals as a family, kids and in-laws in tow. Though these food and drink festivals often have celebrity chefs giving cooking lessons and demonstrations throughout the weekend. There are food stalls and cellars, all signposted on the site. We'd been going for years when the mother-in-law said she'd like to go see one of the chefs. Apparently, she'd seen him advertised at many of the shows, but never knew who he was. We asked her his name, Chef Demos. It sounded Greek. It took us quite a while to work out that she'd been seeing signs for the chef demos

at each food and drink festival and thought there was one world famous Greek chef called Chef Demos. It could be a Greek chef. Yeah, but amazing to think he's in every single one we go to. Wherever in the world we go, Chef Demos is there. He gets everywhere Demos. It's not just Kath. Yeah, I can't bear, I find chef demonstrations very stressful. Have you ever been at those

like, have you ever been to the Ideal Home exhibition? Of course you haven't. No. Um, but they have lots of chef demos going on. And I, it's something about it really makes me feel uncomfortable. It's like they have the Mike, the Brittany Mike. And there's always only about five people and sometimes it's really famous chefs. There's something very humiliating about the whole thing. Making little jokes about onions. What are they selling though, the chef? They're normally done...

Knives. They've done a... This knife is very sharp. They're not selling knives, man. That's the thing. That thing you were on about with Paul McCartney, that came, I think, from me telling you that a paparazzi said to me, I put my thumbs up on a red carpet. That came, I think, from me telling you that a paparazzi said to me, I'll put my thumbs up on a red carpet. Yeah.

He said, we only use thumbs up if it's Paul McCartney. Yeah. Really? Yeah. But there's another thing, when you do Sunday- Or Pontius Pilate. When you do Sunday brunch and you pose for the photos, the publicity photos. They always say, you have to put the knife down. So you can't be photographed holding a knife. Because of current sensitivity you might be celebrating

knife crime. Well they're not going to use that photo on the news when you go on a rampage. They might be glad that that came in handy if you went on a rampage. Yeah. Now the chef normally has some sort of brand deal with a blender or something. So they've agreed to... It slices, it dices. Yeah. They've agreed to do this demonstration. Oh, one of those.

I always think it's unfair when they sort of go, and it's the easiest thing in the world to make. And I always want to say, but you're a chef. Oh, 100%. This is all that you do. At 100 meters, it's the fastest race to run. Ordon Ramsay will... You're a 100 meter sprinter.

Of course, you think that. People like Heston and Gordon Ramsay will always say an omelette is the basic test of if someone can cook. Really? Oh, you sound concerned by that. No, I can do an omelette. Are your omelettes good? Well, I like them.

Okay. Yeah. That's interesting to know. I've been watching a lot of Heston just lately on, there's a thing on Netflix called Crazy Delicious, to be aware of it. Yes, yes. So Heston and an American woman,

whose name I can't remember, and a Swedish man whose name I can't remember, they're all major chefs. And they sit on this platform which represents sort of Mount Olympus. They're all dressed in white. Oh they're the Greek gods of cuisine. And the people, they're called the gods on the show, the gods that descend. And what the contestants are the plebeians?

So they're never really named but they are, they are cooking below and sometimes you see the gods looking over on the... you know when people say oh uncle Harold will be looking down on us now watching this football match and you think well from how is he doing that? Even if we imagine he sees heaven what do what do you think this observation tells us? And it's a competition is it? It's a competition yeah but you have to get to the... This is Swedish guy, I don't remember his name, but his specialities he cooks with just flames, absolutely flames.

What do you mean? I mean he just puts the food in flames. What is he, some sort of caveman? I don't know, but he's very charming, but there's no change in tone when he criticises. Very Scandinavian. So he'll say, yeah, he'll say, oh, this is nice. The cream really, really works. Yes, very good. The cream works well. The pastry is like wood, hard, horrid pastry. And you think, hold on. Did you just say something really bad, but in the same tone that you said it was?

You were almost close listening. But I like him. I've got slightly obsessed with him. Oh, I'm going to start getting involved. Presumably Heston's criticisms are not weird enough. No, what it's called crazy delicious because you have to do weird things. Heston only does weird. So a woman did cheese, fish, dried fish and chocolate, you know, and so there's a lot of that stuff. You'd quite like all of that food though, because I've worked out the longer I've known you. You eat pretty much anything, don't you?

Yeah, well that's my plus. It's not I'll eat terrible rubbish. I think that's... Do you think it is a plus? I think it's a plus. Okay. I love that you think that. Most people on their food journey go from like very basic food through all the kind

of traditional French style cooking and then they arrive at the weird. Whereas you've skipped the entire middle and gone from I'll have a sandwich or you know dried fish and chocolate, whatever you've got lying around. He's often motivated by cost as well. If me and Kath are invited to someones for dinner which only happens once because we never return the favour. No but I like that about you but I think dinner parties are a bit twee in the 70s. We don't want people seeing our house. Well that's what it was for. They were designed to show off your house. I like dinner

parties but people say do you have any dietary requirements? So 25 minutes later when I'm finished writing cats down I then put and I will eat anything that is always my last sentence. Yeah because Kath, I remember Kath once going into a place and saying, you know the ginger halibut, can I have it without the ginger? And you just think, it's in the title. It's actually in the fucking title and you're removing it. So anyway, you know, we're all different. But I do treat her well. And I've reestablished that. Paul. Yeah, Paul, it's the nosy, as I like treat her well. Paul. Yeah, Paul.

It's the nosey, as I like to call him. Listen, before we go, I need to tell our listeners something. We're going to do a new sort of radio archive podcast. When I say new, I mean new old. I was thinking of Frank Skinner's Radio Days. Oh yeah. So like the old archive episode? I haven't got a title yet.

The old archive episode from the radio show. Will we be releasing them again? It's small, like half hour or whatever, 35minute greatest hits packages of our entire radio history. I love this. The great archive. So we're sort of building our own rival. Yes. Which is what having a son is all about. So it starts on Wednesday the 18th of June and it'll be, I mean it's gonna go back to the absolute. It's like 16 years ago. Are they gonna find anything acceptable and not cancelable? Oh no I don't think even then we were that. We always towed the line reasonably well. Yeah there was no black-eyed stuff. Frank! So, yeah, that's gonna happen and it's gonna be weekly and it's a walk down radio lane. And some of them,

what's frightening is that some of these, we were doing it for 15 years, Pierre would have been a teenager, he can listen back to what life was like. Yeah, he would have been. Back in the old days. He was doing school 15 years ago. I'm trying to do the maths. I would have started in university. Yeah, oh bless him. God, and we were starting a radio show.

So anyway, yeah, that's going to happen. Fabulous. And it drops every Wednesday? I told you never to tell anyone that. Chains or no chains. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. The new winter change is blowing. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. I'm not totally sure how it's going. Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via frankofftheradio at avalonuk.com.