The Frank Skinner Show - Prankenstein

Episode Date: November 18, 2024

On today's podcast Frank talks about a recent film premiere and an awkward moment with Ma Netflix. The trio discuss the problems with ugly face, brass rubbings and there's even some super market divider news from the outside world. Email the podcast [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What does possible sound like for your business? It's more cash on hand to grow with up to 55 interest-free days. Redefine possible with Business Platinum. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Terms and conditions apply. Visit mx.ca slash Business Platinum. And so we sit again in Spiritland where we record these podcasts. We're not dead, it's a very cool cafe in Kings Cross in London. We do, I think many of you have probably heard the phrase that the podcast is the last refuge of the scoundrel.

I'm not sure if they have heard that. We are gathered again to take part in that. I should say something about the Spiritland. Is it a restaurant or a cafe? It's so cool, I'm frightened to ask. Frank, off the radio at AvalonUK.com. It's not a restaurant. Oh, sorry, Frank.

It's a series of unisex toilets in a row. I've never had to go so far as the second one on any occasion. I'm starting to think that going to the toilet has become on cool. It's a bit lame. Every time any of us go to the loo, everyone else in Spiritland is thinking. Oh yeah, look who let those loosers in. Enjoy freaks. Well, I just ordered a hot chocolate and I don't think anyone's ordered that here ever. Well, I drove past a dentist recently and it said a smile is never out of fashion.

And I thought, come with me to spirit land. And you'll see that that is very incorrect. But I'm not saying they're not nice people, but my goodness, they're fashionable. So this is Frank off the radio, Frank Skinner's, what's it called? Podcast. I'm joined by Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. Follow the podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via frankofftheradio at AvalonUK.com

You make friends at Spiritland. What a stuttering start did you think? No it was fine. Okay thank you darling. You make some lovely friends at Spiritland you say this but every time you come here you collect a new one. Well I talk to people. Yeah you talk to that lovely gentleman about his tattoo. Yeah, I always ask people about their tattoos. Sometimes people think like, hold on, no one refers to my tattoo. I think if someone's going to have tattoos, I want to know. I saw a brilliant Edward Scissorhands in a Costa Coffee recently. You mean a tattoo, not a tribute artist. Yes, a tattoo one. But nonetheless is it was on quite an attractive lady.

Sorry, I'm still getting over Edward Cizanne's and Costa Coffee. Well, it is these juxtapositions that make modern life interesting. He has a terrible time with the Paninis. It wasn't a very successful follow-up film that, was it? You should see him trying to put your name on the side of a cop. But it was a and I said to her that is a stunning tattoo and of course when you're an old white guy like me and she was like a beautiful young woman she's, yeah, that's not why you're talking to me, is he? I once saw a beautiful young woman really struggling in an airport, and she'd obviously over-packed her suitcase, and it had sprung open, and she was trying to get the lid on,

and just couldn't get it closed again. And I thought to myself myself I can't help you because you're too attractive and people will misjudge my intention. What a terrible day for her. So I left her there. The armed police would come and just shoot you. I mean when you say I left her there I'm sure she was okay. Well yes I mean there's a national obesity crisis one thing you can get is people to

help you close your suitcase. Did she not sit on it in the manor? She was, yeah, but she was of course very slim. Oh, I see. So she sat on it and just bounced up and down like she was on a seesaw. Oh, I see. And also if I'd have got close I might have seen some of the contents of her suitcase. Oh, I had to just leave her.

It's the split second assessment you have to make, say, on the London Underground. Do I help people with this suitcase or not? Well, if they're attractive, you can't help them. I drove past a woman, I remember, at night, thinking, this isn't a great road for a woman to be walking. But what am I going to do? Pull over and say, would you like a lift? Would you like to climb in? I'm afraid you're going to have to die. But that's where we are.

Either in the car or on the street. Her life on one side of the seesaw, my career on the other. But do you think? No, but I felt bad about it. But what can you do? I couldn't have... Do you think? No, do you think that there would be a certain level of trust for you because you are Frank Skinner? Yeah, but they don't know who I am.

Really? The young people. I don't want to start getting clippings out to try and get her into the car. You get out a full laminate folder. Flick through this. I'll be right here. I'll wait. Just tap on the window when you... No, but it is actual dilemma. I would have in any other

circumstance, I would have said let me give you a lift because this is a bit of a dark road and all that. But I wasn't able to do that. Is that... I trust you. You've got quite a trustworthy face and I think the voice helps as well. Is that an anecdote that too dark even for a podcast? Too dark! Too dark even for a podcast! I hope she's alright anyway. Perhaps you could text in and let us know you made it. Lovely. I went... Oh, I had an embarrassing situation. What happened?

I was at a film premiere very important person in Netflix, and she's a big fan of the radio show and now the podcast. Some came with us. So they said, will you go over? And she wanted to go over and say hello. So I went over. She was very nice. She was very nice about the show and all that.

And then she said, anyway, thank you for coming over to talk to me. And I thought, oh my God, I've overstayed. She's ended it. She thinks I want to get on Netflix and I've come over to talk, you know, to, oh. You know, like when you kiss someone for the first time, you want to be the one who breaks off first. Hello? Do you know about this, Pierre? I don't know about that.

When you kiss someone, don't you think, I don't want to be the one who's left hanging while they back off. I just don't know. I don't think I've ever had any sort of time projections in my head. But who stops kissing first? Who stops kissing first is absolutely crucial. No, it has to happen. Yeah. We'd all be dead.

We'd all be sitting here now with people hanging off our faces. It would be a very muffled podcast. It would, yeah. I don't know. And I also need, I just need some background detail. What was the film premiere? Yes. The film was called Joy.

Okay. And I'll give you a clue. A woman came up to me and said, oh you're Frank Skinner off the television. And I thought, well off the television. I'll give you that. You live in Malmesbury by any chance? And then she said, I'm Louise Brown. And I said, oh my god, you're Louise Brown off the news. Do you know who Louise Brown was? She was the first IVF baby. Oh. I do remember that. Yeah. Oh, right. Yeah. They called them test tube babies. Yeah. In those unenlightened times. She was hugely famous. She embraced that as it was a premiere.

She was actually dressed in an enormous test tube outfit with her face looking through and like that the cork on the top was like a little hack. Like a fascinator. It worked. All the champagne was in little. All the drinks were themed. I was very... Did you have a little pipette? Yeah, I wish she hadn't gone for the Bailey's. Was she nice? Lovely! What do you say to her? I was excited to meet her because she was part of my growing up.

Yes. Because IVF, as this film explains, the film's called Joy because her middle name is Joy. But there's lots of headlines in the tabloids, the Frankenstein baby. Really? There was lots of that. Yes, I remember that. Yeah, there was lots, lots of them.

And then, who did I meet next? Alistair MacDonald. Guess who? Oh. Well, he's got to be in the same ballpark. He's the second IVF baby. I stopped then. I stopped then I thought. But he was lovely as well. I've always- Next series of Love Island, the 50,000th IVFs.

I feel a bit sorry for Alistair. Why? I don't know. No, I've always liked, that's why I named my child Buzz instead of Neil, because I've always admired people who come second. Oh, okay. I've been trying my whole life. Oh, Frank, for God's sake.

But no, do you know what I mean? They don't have, I think there was less pressure on him than there was on Louise. He's the first boy, of course. Yes, I didn't know him but I did know Louise. But it was really exciting to meet people. Dolly the sheep was there? No, no, I made that, made that bit up. Is Dolly the sheep still alive?

Dolly the sheep, no, is I think stuffed in the Science Museum, not the canteen. Damien Hirst will have got his hands on Dolly. I know, yeah. That would have been a real prize if he could have got her. But she was cloned, weren't she? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's a different world. But I met some relatives of the Dr. Steptoe and stuff, it was the surgeon involved. Was he called Dr. Steptoe? He was called Dr. Steptoe and stuff, it was the surgeon involved. Was it called Dr. Steptoe?

He was called Dr. Steptoe. Yeah. I met his son. Are you sure he was a doctor? I actually met his son. Oh, come on. I did. I actually did.

I'm not making it up. And what did he say to you, Frank? Yeah. He said, you're that's an old man. Oh, dear. I will never be able to picture the sort of genuinely amazing scientific achievement of IVF without picturing Albert's step toe with a little pipette. I just think you should... Eww.

You dirty little blader. Is that what he says when the baby's born? Yeah, probably. I just think you should change your name if you're a doctor. Oh, come on. I know, I think Steptoes are pushing it a bit. Anyway, he was played by Nighy. Oh, yes.

Oh. And I should say my brother-in-law, not just my brother-in-law who writes lots of films, but my sister-in-law also, I don't think I'm giving anything away to say that she went through an IVF thing, so knows what it's all about. She also worked on the film with him and so they sort of produced the film together in a test tube, not in a test tube. Oh. No, but it was...

I love this. Well, as you know, I hate science. Why do you hate science, Frank? Because it's science that reduces things to mute yellow bear puppy in my mind instead of acknowledging the love and the warmth and all thing. I just didn't like it at school. I don't like the way it's got fashionable when all the kids who did it at school were the least fashionable.

Terrible kids. Terrible kids? All right, Donald Trump. Terrible kids. Terrible kids. Some of the worst kids. Good science. Yeah. Terrible kids, alright Donald Trump. Yeah, terrible kids. Some of the worst kids.

Good science. But there wasn't, there's not too much science in the films, a lot of, you know, I cried quite a lot in the film. Well it's about people desperate to have a baby, you can't have a baby at a time when there was no other way other than adoption and suddenly these people are messing about up in Oldham in a lab and then suddenly people can have babies. How lovely that they worked on it together as well. Yeah, I'm not suggesting, yes, the two of them were up there standing next to Bill Nye and... Who's the other one?

Oh no, give me some clues. Don't give me a hospital pass. No, but while... I'm not very good on actors. I understand. I think actors, you know, when they're truly gifted, you forget who they really are and just think they're the character. I think that's beautifully dealt with.

Side step. Yes. Can I say I love Bill Nighy? Yes. And I love that he dated Anna Wintour, of course. Did he? Yes. Editor of Vogue, if anyone's not aware of that. Quite a strange coupling.

It would have been good if they'd have had a child. It would have been called Winter Nighy. It would have been like a Christmas carol. A cold winter night. I was just going to say, she's so cosy, isn't she, Anna Wintour? Very Christmasy and cosy. What an incredibly aloof child it would have been. Called?

Remember her nickname Frank? Anna Winter. You can work it out. Prince of Darkness? No. Princess of Darkness? I think you two can probably work it out. Her name Winter, she was called Nuclear Winter.

Oh, I've never got that. Oh really? I'm afraid. Never have got that. I thought I was going to go with Ice Queen or something. Yes. Yeah, or Winter Wonderland. You see, Ice Queen. Dale Winter. Ice Queen, not Ice Princess. Yeah, or Winter Wonderland. You see, Ice Queen. Dale Winter.

Ice Queen, not Ice Princess. What about Dale Winter? What about Dale Winter? You know what, I'm sure I've said this in the old days, but you know, this is a new beginning. My dad claimed that he wrote Winter Wonderland. What? You know, you in the winter, he said as a child, he came up, he had different words, but he came up with that tune and he says, I reckon somebody must have overheard me singing that in the street and then gone back to Tin Pan Alley and ripped him off. He would never bodge on that. Do we know who is claiming to have written it? Yehudin Pinsman. But someone like Gershwin.

I don't know actually, right? One of those American songwriter guys. I'll get PS Joe Lin. Imagine if I look it up and it's someone from Will and All and you've never written anything before. My dad was living in West Cornforth in County Durham. Frank, I found out, in the meantime, while you're looking that up, I found out the stars of Joy.

Thank you. Which you should say is out on November the 22nd. Yes, well it's in cinemas but it's also going to be on Netflix. That's why Olmar Netflix was there. Don't call it that! You can't call it Olmar Netflix! Please, Dame Susan Netflix was there. I just have to make it clear that I'm not looking for work.

Yeah. Well, you won't be getting any now. Did she have a suitcase? She probably did, full of cash, just in case she makes an offer to someone. But it won't be me. Bill Nighy, James Norton. James Norton. Hello, one for the ladies.

Yeah. Did you see every lady in this studio? Yes, but that's- Little eyebrows raised at James Norton. That is one of my problems. Oh, here we go. I love the film. I really did, and I'm not just saying that

because my family wrote it. And Tomasine McKenzie, we should say. Yes. Yeah. Yes, you better mention her because the whole pot, it is of the... What do I have? It's of the genre that I would call, that's all very well, but what about Mother Christmas? Yes. Oh, my Christmas.

It's all about saying this woman was overlooked and now we're going to put her center stage. When they make the biopic of this podcast, Pierre, me and you'll barely be me. Yes, they'll hire someone who has said on their spotlight actor CV that they can do a South African accent, but they can't. And they'll go, yeah, fine. And maybe you'll be wearing a hat in one picture and smoking in the other, just to show your versatility. Yeah, but we'll be sort of brutish oafs.

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I'll come in. It's the same Jeff Capes died recently because he would have walked into your part. How does James Norton look? Does that interest you? He looks fantastic. He's handsome. But that is a slight problem because if you look at photographs of these people in reality,

they're scientists. You're telling scientists. They look like scientists. Frank, are you seriously claiming that people who spend all their time in a lab in Oldham aren't as sexy? What? Working in the lab late one night? You know in film, the films, oddly in a film means beautiful but with glasses on. Yeah. And maybe your hair up. And a bit more frowning. Yeah, exactly.

There's Dr. Frankenstein traditionally handsome in the films. I can't remember who's played him. There's a very good bit in the film when they shout at James Norton, these paparazzi shout, yeah, Mr. Frankenstein, and he turns around and goes, Dr. Frankenstein. Oh, I love that. That's nice. Yeah but it is I absolutely loved it and I can say that without anything. Oh I'm gonna go insane. But I do wish they'd cast them as ugly as the original people. No it's it's not even in fiction. Scientists on television now, like Brian Cox and who's

the high profile atheist woman who's a bit gothy? Alice Roberts. Oh yes. Brian Cox was a pop star sort of thing. Yeah, but they're both. You know, when I was a kid, scientists on the telly. It was like Magnus Pike. Yeah, or Who's Patrick Moore? Yeah terrible looking But you believe you think that's is all is right in the world these people thought well, you know I've got to do something in the evening Hold the science because I'm not gonna be invited to anything you can look at them and think there's definitely, they're only focusing on one thing. Yeah, exactly.

Good, good, good. That's why they are helping mankind. And Patrick Moore never wasted any time on buying deodorant or anything like that. Mankind would have been way behind without the ugly. Really though, but now you can't, I mean Alice Roberts, Brian Cox, they must be partying every night. And these people in Oldham, if they'd actually... Brian Cox partying every night? If they'd have been as beautiful... I mean, even... I know he's an Oldham, I know Bill Nighy, but he's a handsome man.

I mean, they all look fantastic. He's what I would call Debener. Yeah, they could have been a band. It's Frank Skinner podcast. The new winter change is blowing. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. I'm not totally sure how it's going. Some of the casting stuff is odd with appearance. For example, Christian Bale is playing the penguin in a sort of spin-off of the Batman movie.

I bet that was a nice experience on set. Well, so in the Batman movie it's already odd because they've got a very handsome man, e.g. Christian Bale, and they've made him look... Colin Farrell. Sorry, Colin Farrell. I'm losing my mind here. Ignore me him look... Colin Farrell. Sorry, Colin Farrell. I'm losing my mind here. Ignore me. It's Colin Farrell.

Very handsome man. You know we don't edit this. That mistake will be in this forever. They can have that. They can have that. That's okay. I've accepted it. Oh my God.

And they've sort of covered him. They've given him like a bald wig and made him look much heavier. And they made him look like an ugly penguin. They've made him look like a big fat mafia boss. Okay. And then you go, just cast someone who looks like that. And they've gone, no, now we're going to do a multi-million pound. Well, in the old days, they used to, because it was Bob Hoskins.

Well. Who played the penguin. I've been ranting about this for years. About what? In films. What I would call ugly face. Yes. What I would call.

Where good looking people, when they say a fantastic piece of acting, he's gained eight stone for this part. Just get a fat bloke. Why not just get a fat bloke? They're doing fat face now as well. But they're spending like, you know... And also it's much harder for those actors to get work, the ugly actors. Yeah. They're spending four million dollars an episode trying to... If only there was a way we could have a man who was both heavy set and bald. Oh well. We'll just have to spend eight million dollars an episode trying to if only there was a way we could have a man who was both heavy set and bald oh well yeah just have to spend a million dollars no one out there like that making Colin Farrell look like not him so why is he in it

well they used to have do you remember the ugly agency Frank yeah exactly it was an actor's agency and you'd ring them which I did after a time various jobs and they pick up the phone and go hello uglies. Yeah what? Oh no uglies, do you remember the ugly agency? Yeah, yeah it was yeah. It was ugly people and they would answer the phone honestly when I first was working and they'd go I was doing work experience, yes, nepo baby, what orbit, some TV production company and they would answer the phone and they'd say hello uglies can I help you? Yeah that would be, you know you hear about people from Storm approaching Cape Marston Airport you know what when

the business card comes out and it's got ugly agency on it it's not such a thrill is it? It would be awful if they first... At least somebody helped you with your suitcase. I think it would be awful Frank, if they approached you about modeling initially and you thought oh okay, okay this is good and then the ugly came out. And then they said yes, we got a big contract from the full face cycle crash helmet company. We'd like you to step in. We represent the good people at United Balaclava. Yeah.

Anyway, I would very much recommend Joy. By the way, I watched live action Scooby Doo this week. Strange flex. Okay. And Velma, they've really sexed up Velma. The great thing about Velma is she was the absolute nerdy you could believe was bright. Hang on, who plays Velma? It's always harder to believe that attractive people are bright. But Velma, she was great.

Who did they get? Stop asking me about actors, they all look the same to me. I would cast Isla Fisher in that role. Do you know her? She was married to Sasha Baron Cohen, has red hair, was Australian. No, what? As Velma? Oh no, Velma's not the red hair.

No, you're thinking of Daphne. You're thinking of Daphne. That is the sexy one. Okay, yeah, right. Velma is the brine. I've lost my glasses. Oh, Velma, I know who you mean. Every episode she loses her glasses and then she gets them handed to her by a ghoul.

Yes, exactly. And that's in the live-action film as well. Is it good, the live-action? Oh yeah, I loved it. I like Scooby-Doo, generally speaking. All the Velma shots. You get a shot of the male arriving on the doorstep, coming through the letter box, and there's a letter addressed to Mr. S. Do.

Oh, I see. No, I made that up. Is he male? Scooby-Doo. What do you mean? The dog? Yeah. Of course he is.

Hang on, he's genderless actually. Well, I've just said he. Well, is he or did he not? Let's be careful with that Scooby Doo pronouns. Hanna Barbera in the 50s just think, tell the animators to cut out the penis and testicles. Yeah, there's no Janice. They can get away with it. There's a lot more money to animate them flopping around

as he flees another ghost. Let's not do this. Let's cut this out. Oh, I wish you hadn't said that. Let's go to the outside world. Okay. Woo, woo, woo. the outside world. Okay. The outside world. Does Scrappy do still in it?

It is a guy. You go, shut up, someone will hear us. Just keep going. It's Uncle Scooby. He is a guy. Because it's his nephew Scrappy. Don't mention that thing. What? Scrappy, do you remember Scrappy? Of course I do. Speaking dog. Scooby he is a guy because it's his nephew scrappy. Oh don't mention that thing

Scrappy scrappy do speaking dog Oh did scrap it you see that spoils the whole thing. Why do you have to ruin everything? also their faith in the flexibility of Projectors and what you could do with a yes. Yeah, they projected this entire Galleon. Yeah, exactly. Yeah on what? Yeah, that's ridiculous and what you could do with a project set. They projected this entire galleon in a bay. On what? Yeah, that's ridiculous. Outside world?

Yes, we have heard. We have. Pierre, do you want to share the great supermarket divide? I'm enjoying the way you started. You're going off the mic, darling. I don't want you to be a distant thing. The man next door is looking very distraught. Oh did the man next door?

Do you know what? I like the man next door. Tom? Yeah. We can work. No, no. He's smiled twice. I imagine he won't be here next week.

Spiritland catch that. Yes. Or they look at, they study their expressions on the ring-cab. Yeah, two people in berets smoking cigarettes in cigarette holders saying I'm afraid Tom it's not working out. They burst into the studio and go in each corner of his mouth. Yeah exactly. They keep a laugh count and I'm afraid he's failed. It wouldn't take long. So you've been talking, do you remember on the podcast recently you were talking about supermarket checkout dividers. Oh yes. That's the kind of content we discuss on here. It sounds very Michael McEvoy-ish a topic doesn't it? Or maybe Peter Kay.

Yep. Oh he remembers supermarket dividers. Yeah. That sort of thing. Yeah I was on about that if you don't put your, I'm talking about the things that divide your groceries from the next person on the conveyor belt, they're less used now because of the self-checkout thing. But I like to leave it for a bit when my goods are laid on the conveyor belt, just to watch the person behind getting anxious. Well. Well.

Well, we've heard from MW, from Mike. This is Mike563, who by the way lives close to Crocodiles of the World and says I will happily show Frank where it is. If he still hasn't... No, no, I found Crocodiles of the World. It was the Cutwalled Reptile Park. I couldn't find it. Of course, sorry. Easy mistake to make. Fair credit to Crocodiles of the World. It's very well signposted. I would argue it's overly signposted. Well you see on that motorway. Quite a nice compliment isn't it? Yeah.

Come now you're a crocodile of the world aren't you? I go there sometimes to do brass robins of the crocodiles backs. So Mike says... I make synthetic handbags. I miss brass robins. Yes. Did you ever get taken to Westminster Abbey when you were a child? No that was a bit far away. Oh sorry. I think we went to St Hubert's RC. Well that was at our school so that was actually next to the school. Oh I love doing a brass robin. Yeah I don't know if people still do it. Is there anyone out there that does brass robin? I'd love to know. That and going to the science museum and getting a print out of your face. Well you could do it with a crayon.

Yes. I once tried it on a malted milk biscuit. You know when you get a cow on a malted milk biscuit? I was doing Westminster Abbey, you were on a malted milk biscuit. You get a Capastro scene on a malted milk and if you can actually... Does it say the words milk, Frank Colby? It's in relief. Does it say milk on it as well? I think it does say milk.

But it's... yeah, it's in relief. There's very few biscuits in relief, I find. But you can actually do a rubbing. Try to hum, but be gentle because obviously it doesn't have the sturdiness of brass. Would you count the nice niece? Would you count ... that's not really... Just a word so, isn't it? You want a picture. Oh, okay. Anyway, let's see what Mike... After listening to the discussion about supermarket checkout dividers, I thought I'd try it. So I put my few items on the belt after a

woman in front who had not placed one. Mmm perfect. Yeah. I left a gap but became distracted looking around and suddenly realized the cashier had started putting my things through as well as hers. That might be one could suggest what the dividers were for, to avoid that very instance. I apologised and then noticed I was getting a look from the customer in front of me. I had what I'm calling a frank moment and I said, oh sorry again but I just presumed there would have been a divider and didn't check. A more evil look followed so I'm counting it as a failure on my part. Now what's your review of this? So someone's tried it

Frank. I think that's great I thought there'd be a divider there is perfect, isn't it? Yeah. Because I think the divider, I mean, there might be some dispute on this. It's whether you eat the bread rolls at the left or the right, but I think the divider responsibility lies on the leader. I agree with that. Yeah. Yeah. I think you've got to... Because what about if you put down a divisor, suddenly they produce another bag?

Awkward. Yeah? Yeah. I'm surprised that Cassia just started ringing it through and just thought, well, this half meter gap is just there for whimsy's sake. Well, it could happen, I suppose. She could have got a phone call. Yes.

Yes. Yeah. This was inspired, of course, by us talking about moments you were most proud... Strange things you were proud of. Oh yes. And Matt from Albury, is that near you? Albury is where I grew up, yeah. Oh, he might be a friend of yours or something.

Hello Frank, talking about obscure proud moments made me think it's a behaviour passed down from older generations. So Matt gives this example. My granddad always used to say, like it grew there or like a dog's hind leg when tearing off his football pools coupon perfectly along the perforated edge. I like like it like a dog's hind leg. How does he come up with that? Yes. Do you think he tore off dog's hind legs? Then I noticed my dad used a fist pump and say badabing in an Italian accent even though he was from the lost city in Tipton when

getting the perfect number on the petrol pump not a penny over not a penny below. Okay. Badabing? And so Matt sums up by saying I recently had a proud moment when passing through an airport scanner that checks for drugs or explosives, and which I obviously wasn't carrying. I, he gave himself an internal high five. I would agree with that. I feel very smug in those moments. You know, I get the all clear. What you don't want at an airport is an internal high five, I would say. No. That's what you're trying to avoid. That's just what they do when they're bored.

They think, what if we meet in the middle? You do the half. Yeah, exactly. Well, you could, yeah, exactly. You could, oh no. We can slap at the aorta. Yes. It'll be like that famous photo when the American and Russian troops met in the middle of Germany

shaking hands there just across the road. I troops met in the middle of Germany shaking hands there I don't know that photo It's out there. Okay. I'll check it out. Yeah Okay We've also had you've been really changing culture Frank Because we've also heard from Tim Mayer Tim would you say maher or mayer? You're good at pronunciation. Anyway, after Frank's recent belief that Pete Wicks was the adult version slash sibling of Joe Wicks.

Can I tell you something about that? The Nightwicks. The Prince of Wicks. The Prince of Wicks. My partner came up to me at home and said, thank you for protecting me. Really, why? She's never said before. you for protecting me. Really what? She's never said before and I said from what? She said well it was me who told you that Pete Wicks and Joe Wicks and I said I couldn't remember who it was and she said oh I thought you were protecting me. Oh you turned down free credit. I know. You protect women whether they like it or not. Yeah exactly. But so yeah she told me and when Kath says something like that, she doesn't

say I think or I heard, there are no, nothing sort of slows it down a bit. It's oh yeah, he's Joe Wicks' brother. So I just, even though I've been putting up with that for 24 years, I still accept it. Totally true. Well, Tim continues, after Frank's recent belief that Pete Wicks was the adult version putting up with that for 24 years I still accept it. Totally true. Well Tim continues after Frank's recent belief that Pete Wicks was the adult version slash sibling of Joe Wicks I decided to play along with this and announced to my wife and daughter with complete nonchalance during an episode of Strictly that they are siblings. They bought it. Winky smiley face. I hope this spreads not one of the great prank

Oh says the man who once said to his family on April Fool's Day the toilets broken I know The car won't stop. I was thinking on my feet. You're judging. No, I said the car was stolen I think oh that's oh well you should have said One of these won't feature on my new Netflix show Prankinstein. Which I do regularly. Surely Prank Skinner. Well Prankinstein would be great though wouldn't it. I'm tuning but Prank Skinner yeah you're quite right. I hope this spreads in the same manner of the Bob Holness and Baker Street saxophonist, Ruse. I will continue to add layers to this on a weekly basis. Yes, Bob Holness... what was that? Bob

Holness was the first... oh yes, the rumor was that he played the sax solo on Baker Street by Jerry Rafferty. I didn't know that rumor. And I went to school with his daughter, Martha Rafferty. It was actually Sweep singing a operatic aria. And there was one that My Boy Lollipop, Rod Stewart played harmonica on it. I don't think that's true. Oh really? But again, these are rubbish pranks. These are very easy rumors to start about.

What's gained by that prank. You could just say- Also, why would Rob Hollis have never picked up a saxophone again? See, actually, going back to IVF, I used to think that Dr. Robert Winston was the IVF guy. Do you know that guy? Yes, I do. With the mustache and the glasses.

And he did a program, I did a program which I had to learn to play banjo and he learnt the sax and I said to the producer, you should stage a thing. Because you know him, he's got glasses and quite a big nose and a big tash. Oh I did know him. I said at the end of it when he's finished his sax solo, he should take it away from his mouth and the whole lot should go with it. And it was a scene, I said it was just a great ending. He said, it's not a thing I'd want to suggest to Robert. Blimey.

Gosh. Yeah? So I look forward to Macaulay Culkin playing him in the film. Can I end by the way by plugging my poetry podcast which drops every Wednesday and this week I'm doing Rebecca Hawkes. Do you know Rebecca Hawkes? I don't. Well, she's fantastic. That's why I'm doing her obviously. But she wrote, I think a poem you might like about the pony club. And she does, I mean, some of her stuff is very sort of, you know, strong and emotional and all that, but she has a light side. I tried to reflect both. But this is about the pony club and their struggle. I don't know,

I put my son on a pony once and his eyes swole up. He looked terrible and he had an allergy. And there's all sorts of, you know, dust and stuff flying about in the stables. Anyway, just give you one stanza. The pony club weep their way through the season, mocking in through gosty pollen and horsehair malt. All red-eyed, unrepentant, antihistamine-addled, and still yelling at you, newly-onsaddled, to get up and quit bawling. Try it.

That is Rebecca Hawkes on Frank Skinner's poetry podcast. Look, I think we have to go. ["Fragile Piano"] Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch you can email the podcast via frankofftheradioatavalonuk.com