The Frank Skinner Show - Pre-Decimal Pints

Episode Date: November 7, 2025

This week Frank stayed in a Premiere Inn and Emily found herself in a shame spiral. There’s also chat about a Metallica t-shirt, baked potatoes and memory foam mattresses. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It's Frank off the radio, featuring him and that posh radio, and the one with the French name who from South Africa came, they're all here open brackets to rain, close brackets, today. This is Frank off the radio. I'm joined by Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. Follow the podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via Frank Off the Radio at Avalon, UK. You can WhatsApp us on 07457-417-7-769. I thought I got a bit more formal. Thank you for your service. Yeah.

No silly singing, just as the facts. Is this a new you? Well, my comedy heart has been somewhat broken by the fact we were sitting in Spiritland and there was a... They played a song with a saxophone on it that was going, so I started swishing my hands as if I was being bothered by a wasp. Yes.

And I was sitting directly opposite Pierre. How did it go? Pierre, why not? I was looking at my email. So I had to wait for the next taxavan part and do it again. That was the terrible thing. No embarrassing. You didn't know. I had to do it again.

You're lucky that in Spiritland, you're never more than three. feet away from a new saxophone solo. Well, that is true. You've been making such an effort as well. Like when the gentleman came over to take our order and he had a Metallica T-shirt on and you started singing... I started going...

Oh, no-na-na-na-na-o-na-o-na-and-and-and-and-and-and- nothing from him, really? So then Frank got a bit bitter and went, well, he probably doesn't even know who they are. Well, I don't... You don't say, have our orders been... Entered, right? Well, I gave my two examples.

That's fantastic. I need to give that space. But Nirvana and the Ramones are worn regularly by people. They're everywhere. That doesn't mean you like the Ramones or Nirvana. It means you like Primark. Yes. It's a big difference. It's what Kurt Cobain would have wanted.

Yeah. The poor old Ramones, although they are now seen as legendary, It never really meant the money they should have done, never really did as well, when they were active. Well, they didn't have merchandise. Another being worn by my cleaner. Oh, God, that's no idea who they are. But I can't believe that waiter didn't know.

I mean, he must have known that song. Sure. Well, I, you know, I aimed low with a recognisable. I didn't want to push him with some obscure album. No. I don't know, Metallica's obscure album tracks myself. If I had my 13-year-old child with him, he could have hit him with one of those off that early EP.

But that would have been if he didn't get the big guy. Yeah, it's not looking good for him. Let's put it that way. Well, maybe we'll try it later. Oh, I really look forward to that. What do you think, whiskey in the jar? Yes. I don't, I want to end this now.

I'm finding it mortifying. You're trying to trick the waiter. I'm also worried that the covering of our podcast table here at Spiritland. It feels like there's been a seance held here. It's a black cloth. And it's there, obviously, to dampen sound. It's a technical thing. But it has never looked as rough, as bobbling.

It's like a schoolboy sleeve. It seems like someone's done the most effective sort of gaslighting kind of prank, which is to come in and trim it by just about an inch or the way around. Yes. Not to slash it or ruin anything. Just to make us unease. Very slightly ruin it. It's just minor anarchy, isn't it?

Do you know what it looks like if you get a second-hand fuzzy felt? Yes, that's what it looks like. And I'm not a fan of a second-hand fuzzleafel. I don't much like a first-hand one. I always say that the definition of optimism is the second-hand jigsaw from a charity shop. Man, that is belief in human beings,

which I lost probably 55 years ago. Oh, I'd hear. Good night. Hello, everyone. Anyway, there we go. Oh, no, no, nil, nil. Oh, man, I'm going to start doing that

with Ramones at Nevada. I am. People on the boss. Yes. I'm not, because I'll be too afraid of people on the boss. They might attack you, Frank. You know what they're like these people. Yeah.

Anyway, yeah, have we heard from people? Speaking of people. Well, you've been talking, we were talking about Metallica and I view that... I wasn't. Well, I'm sorry, gaslighting you, you know. You're talking about? Who are Metallica? I view that music as, you know, very much in your son's Urbara, aren't they?

And we have Carl in Dublin has said, I thought Frank might like to know that a great all-female Black Sabbath tribute band are currently on tour in these parts. I remember Frank discussing entertainingly named tribute acts a few years back. These ladies from the States are the fabulous black savage Black savage

They said it they're allowed I know but I'm not sure about it I guess you cover Savage Black sat doesn't sound a bit like cabbage Yeah

Black cabbage They shouldn't be called black cabbage I would so see Red cabbage What if they were called Red cabbage Black Sabbath trivia Vegan themed cover versions

Yeah exactly Yeah, that would work. What would you call Black Sabbath tribute bands? You two can come up with something. Has there got to be a Saturday in there or something? A female one? Is that what you're saying? Yeah, it doesn't have to be female.

I'll leave you two to ponder that anyway. It's going to ruin the whole show for me. I don't be able to think of anything else. Do you know, and Tim, I wish I'd never said it. They get very competitive. I can only think of one that I can't say on here. Oh, what is it? No, I'm not saying.

It's disgusting. It's disgusting, yes. Is it the sort of thing you would have said in 1994? Yes, when disgusting was very much my oeuvre. You thought it was the new black back then. Right. Bought me a big house. Yeah?

Have you seen, there's a metal band called something? Where there's mott, there's brass, as they say. A lot of muck over at yours. You've seen there's a... The house that muck built. Yeah. That metal band called the Howdley Doodlies or something, and they're all dressed like Ned Flanders.

Oh, really? And they sing death metal songs based around things Ned Flanders has said and done in The Simpsons. Oh, wow. They all have the green jumper and the purple shirt with their collar and a little mustache and their glasses. What if I did a one man, Sabbath tribute, just called Jack Sabbath? It's quite a good name, isn't it? It's really weird.

It's like something of Pilgrim's Progress. It's too weird. Okay. Slack Babbeth. I don't know. I don't think Spillion Rism's work generally. Do you know, Frank, you were right. I should never have said this to you.

It's going to be all I can, yeah. Iron Lass, Black Sabbath could do all. those songs but with like Iron Man is replaced with Iron Lass the more you dismiss Black Savage the more it's growing on me okay I'm comfortable with it okay we've had a number of people who seem to have been very excited by my if they were all very if they were all very apologies everyone for everything I did I won't tell you what that what you would need

a set requirement but if they were called RAC Sabbath Frank Well, they're not far off anyway From the clothes I've seen I've seen some of their stage wear Slack flabbath Makes a morbidly obese That sounds absolutely disgusting

Black Sabbath Summa Sima black Sabbath That sounds like something You would ask a self-worker I don't want to get involved Or if a woman's own Woman's place is in the old

Vak Sabbath Oh my God forgive me father are you down you too you're not I can see the little I know him so well I can see the little

distracted look in his eye if they all dressed as the women's army called World War II wax I play one of on Mary's festivals anyway I'm not enough now people are turning off

I just want to see if the look's gone out of your eye it's like a sort of joke hunting look. I know, I know. You should imagine what it feels like from the inside. I know. It's horrible. It's like... How are you? Are you feeling okay?

I'm all right. I've had some water. It's like my dog when it says a cat in the garden. Is that feeling? Yeah. It's like one of those women outside the precinct on the American cop drama in a fur going, come on beat. My mama needs a hit. I'm hurting real bad. Oh, no. Some terrible addicts you are. Okay. We've had a number of people

getting in touch. Very excited. by my referencing Crossroads. We have a lot of Crossroads fans, Frank. Oh, yeah. In our number. We have, someone's got in touch to say David Hunter was mentioned. My mum always described him as Dishy.

What words do you have for when someone is attractive, Frank? Big, big round face of his Dishy? I remember there was a woman in it. A woman, what was her name, Janice or something? Probably if she's from your father. It was quite. And my brother described it as in front of my parents to my horror. Described it as a sex kitten.

Oh, no. What does that mean? Well, that she's attractive and... And she'll grow into a sex cat. I can't remember it to sex cats. Over time. She'll start spraying in the furniture. No, I think she was being drowned in a sack in that seat.

It's too much, please. By a member of sacks. Frank. The well-known cat drowning person. You told me you'd stop with this. have a thing. And yet they keep coming. Sorry. I had stopped

but I didn't... You can't ever stop. I didn't anticipate Janice being drowned. So she was a sex kitten? That's what he said. How would you have described someone? Obviously, you're married man now. Yes. Yes.

But your wife is very beautiful. A hot potato I always liked. She's a bit of a hot potato. I've never heard of that, have you? But when someone attractive has finished a marathon, they're wearing a foil blanket. I suppose it's because I always saw attractive women as untouchable.

I wouldn't want to be described as a potato. I wouldn't see that as complementary. Of the vegetables, it's one of the least complementary. Well, I'd rather read cabbage. If ever a vegetable got the short straw, it's potatoes. In my lifetime, the eating of vegetables has become a religion, whereas potatoes are an outsider staring in, from the cold, not back for, what, for what?

Starch, that's what's ruined there. It's like the £2 piece, never fully accepted into the coinage community. After all these years, still an outsider. Also the potato. They're too big and cumbersome. Potatoes or £2? Potatoes and £2 pieces.

They have that in common with them. Right. I've never really successfully cooked a good baked potato. I find them too fluffy on the inside and too, I mean, you don't really need to know this, but I feel like that. You see you're not thinking of slippers? Don't you always find them disappointing about potato?

Oh, do you like? I am a tremendous fan of the baked potato. Fills? Just cheese. Oh, very 70s. Yeah, I don't want, I don't want chili and baked beans and all that. Not even butter. Who needs butter?

Cheese without? Butter? The cheese is butter plus. Butter's older brother. Cheese is butter's older brother. Yeah, it's better. It's an improvement. It's a development of butter.

It is. But where do you get your... Is that more churn time? Where do you get your moisture? How dare you ask me that at my age? Well, don't ask me. Where do you get your moisture on the potato, Frank? From the melted cheese.

It doesn't make it... From the accompanying drink. It's not. slippery enough for my life. I never accompany a drink. I never have a drink, a cold drink with a hot meal. He doesn't drink, he doesn't imbibe with me.

But what about a hot drink with that hot drink? I won't have anything with that. I won't drink with a meal. I don't want to film of fat sitting on the top of the surface of that drink. It'll be some old wives tale. Like when you're watching some old

military film and they're pointing at a map of the world on a desk. It looks like a horrible film of fat floating in the middle of the top of your drink. Disgusting. What about if you get really thirsty? Will you still... I do get thirsty. I'm eating.

As we used to... An old bloat used to say to me in my alcoholic days, what they call them there. So only glottons want to eat and drink. So we just drank. And people who say, there's a lot of goodness, you know, in beer. Tell you all about all the minerals. Seven pints worth is a sort of a handful of spinach. Seven pints or as I called it, Sunday lunchtime.

I think I'd bring back Black Sabbath, all is forgiven. So many big drinks, as you said. Oh, no, they seem big at the time they didn't, but pints now. I can imagine drinking a whole pint. I don't know how they do it. How much do the pints cost, Pierre? in London. Or just in general. It's about £4 pounds? No, £7.50

for Lager in London now. What is it? £7.50? That's brilliant. Seven per cent for a bite to lock. In London. That's so much money. It's insane. That's not very nearly a tenor.

Unless you go to one of the... 10 pounds for a drink. If you go to one of the finer establishments such as Weather Spoons or Sam Smith, you can get a Three pound pint. Why do they drink, pay so much to get drunk? Who? The people.

Yeah, the people. The people out there. I guess they want to be near a wooden wall. I suppose that's in a big stool. Are you shocked for that? These are the attractions. I'm trying to remember, but I don't think lager existed when I started drinking. But the first pint I think the first pint I had was one and eight.

Pre-decimal pints. It was much. I don't even know what that is. I don't even know what that is. I was young. What is that? One and eight? A shilling, is it?

It would be five. It'd be about 90. That's insane. You think that's insane, but 750 is all right. No, no, I didn't say it was all right. You intimated, it was all right. Your witness. I said it with a very mournful tone.

When I was young, £1.80 was the thing I was that before. £1.8? Who served you an innkeeper and a Dickens novel? I went to a gig, I remember. I think it was Slade when they won the NME Oh, I love them. Oh, I love them.

I remember somebody, I think it was 30. Now, it must have been lighter than that. But I think it was 30p for a point of. people going 30 P fucking London You know absolutely R-O-5 I mean we had to drink it

Of course Lest we should remain so Yeah God forbid How do I would I cross the road Do you know 7 pounds 50 seems a small price to pay to get on the road To oblivion Frank

I'm going to ask another question Which would 20 cigarettes cost me now? Sure. How much would 20 cigarettes cost me now? 14 pounds 14 to sort of 18 pounds 18 18 it can't be 18 14 to 18 16 10 18 18 18

That's why everyone just stays home and smokes rollies There are no poor people left anymore It's not 18 pounds A smuggled pack of cigarettes costs four If you go to a dodgy shop I had mates who drank and smoke 50 a day They need a mortgage They would

You have to go to the bank and say My plan is to smoke a lot of cigarettes and I need your help. Yeah. What's in it for us? Mr. Anderson. Well, my phlegm you can use

on the new M1 motorway has been built. That's so much money. And it's just gone in a puff of smoke. It's incredible. It used to just be like students and people smoke rollies and now I'll see like a guy in Chino's

and a city shirt and a brace of smoke rolling his own cigarettes. It's literally only Jeff Bezos. Jesus can afford to smoke now. In Aubrey, they used to sell cigarettes individually. Yeah. Oh, because people couldn't buy the whole packet. Well, children couldn't afford a whole package.

Oh, it's a shame. So it was an act of kindness. So the children could smoke as well. Oh, wash, so what do you think of the little boys and girls? You're right. 50-piece cigarettes for everyone. What day is it today, boy? It's free cigarette day, children.

A breakhole for that packing. They probably made, I forget what it was, it was something like a shilling for a cigarette. But they probably made a profit of about 300% on splitting a pack. Yeah, definitely. I need to talk to you both about something. I got involved in a. activity the other day that has sent me into a bit of a shame spiral.

Oh, well, you've joined a choir, haven't you? I find they get over it eventually. No, I feel... Persistence, that's always been my... I feel confident this is a judgment-free space. Okay, yeah, I think it is. Okay, let's hope so. So, I want to know what you think about this.

I got sent some flowers from the comedian Chappie Corseandi. I'd given her a lift. to Oxfordshire. We were both going to a mutual friends party. We didn't even know each other that well, but the friend puts in touch in a sort of carpool arrangement, which I quite like.

Yeah, really nice. I remember I met her in the Sower Theatre one. She gave me a pomegranate. I love that. She brought some lovely Iranian... Very pre-Raffer light. She brought some Iranian biscuits for the journey, which I enjoyed enormously.

So it was all lovely, and she sent me some flowers. to thank me, which I thought was a classy move. I like that. However, when they arrived, my neighbour had signed for them, and they'd been sitting in my neighbour's place all day, Sarns, Water. So, you know. Didn't they have that little blister at the bottom?

They didn't have the pouch, Frank. There was no Shakespearean pouch. So they needed a bit of a juge. And I asked... Well, you know my motto? What? Jouz ye not for a jush. So shall ye be.

I'm just really if Black Sabbath stopped. I'm really happy with that. So I thought I'm going to give them a juge and, you know, restore them to their full bloom. So I went on chat GPT. I'm not very good at flowers. I said, how will I revive flowers? First thing my chat GPT friend suggested,

water, thanks, flowero, flower food. Don't really have that. Oh yeah, it's asheat. It comes in a sashet. One of the other suggestions. You could always try talking to them, exclamation point. Playful, chat jeaned. Like our own monarch used to.

Yeah. So I thought it went on to explain why, and it said that flowers do respond very well. It's the vibrations. It's vibrations they respond to. Particularly female voices is what they respond to. So you're saying the king put on a sort of Monty Python. Yes.

No, it would be, with the king, it would be the goons. Yes, it would be a good gun. What are you doing today, little Mr. Rose? It would be like that. Do, look at that lovely Christandum. Is that Prince Edward coming in? At least it's not the other one. You know, exactly.

So, anyway, I'd obviously heard about people talking to politics before. Andrew. Do you know when they have used to introduce? introduce people at X Factor and they just say very mundane Christian knives as if they're very dramatic

and now Andrew that's how he's going to be introduced when he goes on Do you remember Frank when the winner is Steve Steve poor Steve

Brookstein as Prince Andrew had the call from the jungle yeah oh I don't know he's got to have the call from the jungle that's the next place

he can live. That's my prediction. You already hear first. He needs to stay somewhere while he finds somewhere to live. Exactly. He must be in a hammock. He's homeless temporarily. Yeah, you'll be fine out there. So anyway, I thought and I can't believe I did this. I don't know why, but I thought I'm going to give this a go.

I decided to talk. I'm so embarrassed. I didn't want to tell you this. I'm going to tell you, I'm going to tell you what I've said to them. I've never talked to flowers before, but I thought I'm going to bit ago. So I spoke to the flowers. I just

did it quickly. Frank's trying to do this very forgiving face. No, no judgment here. Look, I always think we were talking earlier about where the carrots met you see in the dark. And I wouldn't be surprised I said to discover that

someone's found that rabbits see well in the dark. And so there is, often there's a grain, a sliver of truth. What's happened is the rabbit's seen in the darts. There's a hint of science. Some bugs, Bonnie.

And it's arrived with those carrots. Yeah. That carrots, you know, it's Warner Brothers via some sort of biology. I get a lot of my information from Hanna-Barbera cartoons. Anyway, I decided to give it a go. Because I live on, one of the benefits of living alone, it's a judgment-free space. Yes, that's true. No one will know other than Ray.

So I experimented, I spoke to them. Do you want to know what I said? Can I guess? Oh no, I feel so embarrassed. Bear in mind. Bloody wake up. It's been three hours grow up. No, because I researched it beforehand

and apparently it said flowers do not respond to aggression and they get defensive. Have you been Shapi-Crasandi's podcast which is in which he gives people bogged gifts and then broadcast them? That would be a brilliant twist, bank. It would, yeah. I mean, I think in China, there must be 50 of those podcasts.

That's a good idea. If you bug the plants around the palaces, you get all the king's secrets. Yeah, send a bug in the flowers. You're fine, the king doesn't have any secrets. Not anymore. No? No. Anyway.

Do you want to know what I said? Hello, I'm guessing you started with. So you don't look at me and I'm going to say it because I am a bit embarrassed. Don't look at me, frankly, you're looking at me. Okay, I won't look at me. I said this. I said, hello.

I said, hello, flowers, you're such good boys. You're going to grow so big and strong. You're very thirsty. It's been a long day. All over Britain. Flowers are rising up. in their vases. Those are the only things rising up.

Yeah. But anyway, do you know what? It was a bit embarrassing. And I did, as you can hear, I did sound a bit like, as I would talk to Ray. I swear to God, I should take a picture of them so you can see.

They had bloomed this morning, Frank. They looked so good the roses today. Were they in water? Yes. Okay. Just asking questions. Did you go for the food, the sachet? Yes.

No, but you're right. I think it's the talking to them. Perk them off. No, I'm evangelical. I kissed them at one point. Oh, God, this does sound like one of my one-night stands. I even tried talking to them. And you know the next morning they're genuinely purported them.

Oh, God. Some food in advance. Exactly. I gave them water. I gave them water. What they're complaining of them? I've turned you into Lee Mack. Anyway, I think it's a revelation.

Yes, it could be the water and the food, which you, you know... It's a nice, I like the idea that one could talk to... I think I liked it, because I've always associated it with, frankly, the eccentric and the elderly, and I'm happy to enter that era now. I associated exclusively with the king. Oh, do you? I don't know anyone. I've never heard of anyone else doing it.

Oh, you do now, big boy. Yeah, that was what I said to the past. Not you. You might think of the king. He was years ahead of his time for being some weirdo environmental. You're absolutely right. He was, wasn't he? He was, yeah, it's always going on about the bloody environment.

It's him and 12-year-old kids' school projects. Yes. That is the mainstay of environmental studies in this concert. Can we please use that as a trailer? Frank Skinner's saying he's always going on about the bloody environment. Well, it was all right in those days. He was moaning about it when it was fine. Yeah.

Yeah, well, you could see. He could see from a top of his tall tower. And he coined the phrase monstrous carbuncle. Yes. And he named his least favorite tribute act, Frank, Sabbath. Frank, you couldn't leave it. Oh, I can't. I kind of love you that you can't leave it.

Anyway, that is my news. Well, and I felt, do you know, I felt okay about it? I felt like it was a good, wholesome thing I'd done talking to those flowers. I think it does it, I think, as long as you got some sort of satisfaction from speaking out loud, it doesn't matter if it had no effect on them at all. Okay. This is the Frank Off the Radio podcast. This is, I philosophize my wife through it.

Oh, dear. So I've been on, I've just finished touring with my favorite living band, lovely eggs. Oh, the lovely eggs, yes. It was actually an extremely enjoyable thing. I did things like Help Load the Van at the end of the night. Did you? Yeah, which is not very me at all.

When I say Help Load the Van, like two guitars and a roll of carpe. I helped load it the van the way Marie Antoinette had a dairy at Versailles. You know, there was some lovely... Capi DeMonte buckets and stuff like that but she didn't really get her hands dirty No But it was

Absolute icon I stayed at Premier Inn Yeah All right Was Lenny there Frank Skinner I'm so like Lenny Henry I know list myself as a

Sir Lenny Henry now Sir Lenny No no I think you'll find It's Lenny Henry P.I As in Premier Inn How did you find the Premier Inn Have you had to stay a mum I have stayed in one, but I only in an emergency.

I like a touchscreen checking, I must say. Is that what they have? Yeah. It's very, very five guys. We stayed in one once when you got given a star on the walk of fame, is it, in Birmingham? Okay. And we were, your management company puts up in a premiere in. Okay.

Don't bring that up now. No, it was nice. I'd never stayed in one. No, I think it was our former radio employers who put us up in it. Yeah, I don't think they had the touchscreen check-in then, though. Who knows they? I love the hotel. The only thing that bothered me were two things.

Do you remember, there was a communal ironing room, and I walked in and there was a businessman in pants ironing a shirt. Was there? Yeah. And also, the air conditioning sounded like metal soup, clanking all night. I find the noises difficult in a premiere in. The first thing I do when I get into a hotel room is, switch off any heating or air conditioning.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Especially if you're staying sometimes in a more old-fashioned one, you go in and the room will be a, like, at 45 degree centigrade. I would say, really for you to sweat yourself off to death in. I would say 40% of the clothes I travel with when I'm staying in hotels are for things. I wear them in bed.

Yes. Because a duvet in a hotel. Oh. It's like a thin layer of low-flying cloud. There's no warmth in it at all. Frank, what about the sorry? So I will wear literally two T-shirt, sweatshirt, flannel trousers, socks.

Wow. Yeah. What about the sorry excuse for pillows as well? Because I sleep on about four. I don't mind that because I've got, I don't have much in the way of shoulders, like some people in the room. So I don't want to be right.

I don't want my head to be raised. If I lie on a proper pillow, my head is wrenched outward. You sleep like your mid being taken out by Jason Bourne. Yeah, what I need is I need to measure the distance from my shoulder to my neck, which I'd say is about two and a half inches. Yeah, that's right. And then use that for a pillow.

Do you think it would be possible to get a sort of a bed that's kind of a foam mold of yourself side on? What is his memory foam, isn't it? But even more just cut into it. I like the idea of memory. I mean, I've never used memory foam. The way I visualise it, I get out of bed in the morning and the mattress will look like that thing that an assassin keeps their gun. Exactly.

The perfect bowl for the god of the telescopic. I don't like it, Frank. It's a bit sarcophagy. It gives me the creeps. Anyway, tell me more about the premiere in. I'm so excited for you. Sarcofa guy, that's sarcophagy, that film with, what's he called? It's not something I do, no.

It was Ace Ventura. What's that act? Oh, Jim Carrey, one of my faves, yeah. Yeah. Anyway. So I did that. I stayed at... P.I.

Yeah, I checked in touchscreen. Which did make me think, whenever I touch screen anything, like you do at McDonald's, I'm always, just for a second, Tom Cruise, in Minority Report. Yes. Got that feel to it, which I do like.

A man came up to me, and I get this sometimes, you say, for my mate. Oh, yeah. He's in, and where was he? Somewhere in Africa. And I said, sure, I'll do it. And because I'm nice.

And he said, it's seven years to the day since his dad died. You mention that. I said, no. I won't mention that. Do some jokes about that. Yeah. It's a bit inappropriate.

I don't do poignant. No, you don't do poignant. No. Well, you do in private, but you don't. I don't know this much. I don't do it much in private. He's going to get a message from me saying, hey, seven years, eh? I mean, no. Seven year itch. Seven year ditch. Seven year ditch, I could say.

I put up a picture of his dad. I think it's good you didn't do a message. Yeah, plop. That would have been very distressing. Also, being so rural Africa and have to use, like, a satellite uplink just to download this mad video. The message is coming through, but the whole, everyone gathered. Quick, it must be important. The message is here?

There's 20 megabytes. It must be an important video. Oh, God. But it's me, like, putting on my mournful face. Maybe one of those Victorian undertaker blacktop hat with the ribbon. Just so you can take it off and hold it. So I did, I did it, but I didn't remember. What did you say in the message then?

I've just said, you know, something friendly and lightheart. Keep smiling. Well, I did sort of say that. I can't go on there. Into each life a little rain, must fall. And I did... Enjoy Africa. I like it when Africa is referred to as if it's a small town in Wiltshire.

Yes. Like about that song about the rain in Africa. Oh yeah. When it rains in Africa, it rains in all of Africa at the same time. Do they know it's Christmas? Yes. Yes, there will be snow in Africa. Yes.

They didn't have Google then, let them off. Anyway. Right. But it was very enjoyable. I did a lot of train travel, which I like. Yes, you're very trained. I work a lot on trains. It's good for me.

When I write that novel, I'm just going to go on trains forever. I used to love looking out at church steeples, rising up from the landscape, thinking, look at that community reaching up to God. I used to like to think that. But now, of course, they're probably all fucking. fitness centres. Look at that community

reaching out for more defined abs. Yes, reaching inward for more vanity. I haven't got it all to the surface. Fracking for vanity. That's what that community's doing. That's a nice poem title for you.

Fracking for vanity. Yes, you're right. I'll do it. I'll start today. And relax. It's Frank of the radio. Frank Off the Radio, Frank Off the Radio, it's the Frankskinner podcast, don't you know? Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode.

And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via Frank Off the Radio at Avalonuk.com.