The Frank Skinner Show - Pre-warned

Episode Date: April 7, 2025

Steve Hall is with us this week! Frank and Steve tell of their time on tour together including shooting star-gate. We also have more of your favourite songs with a plot twist. Whatsapp us on 07457 417 769. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

With the Fizz loyalty program, you get rewarded just for having a mobile plan. You know, for texting and stuff. And if you're not getting rewards like extra data and dollars off with your mobile plan, you're not with Fizz. Switch today. Conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca. It's Fred off the radio, featuring him and that posh lady-o. And the one with the French name, from South Africa came, they're all here, open brackets, hooray!

Close brackets today! Mm-mm. This is Frank off the radio. I'm joined by Emily Dean and Steve Hall has returned. Yeah, who says I'm not forgiving? What's that? One of the podcasts on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via Frank off the radio at avalonuk.com. You can WhatsApp us on, do you want to do this?

Oh I'd love to. You can WhatsApp us on 07457 417 769. Nobody remembers that today. Do you think they don't? We get a lot of WhatsApp Frank. Do we? Yeah in fact I'd like to share one with you now. Do it? Why not? Yeah. Well this was in response to something which I raised recently on this podcast. Someone got in touch with us, he was called Chris, and he was desperately trying to find an episode of a quiz show that you were in with Ali McCoist. Oh yeah, and I said to Ali McCoist that he told the funniest joke of all time, I remember this. I know it seems unlikely, but let's keep an open mind on it. You said that's the funniest joke I ever heard.

Okay. So it seems like, well, a significant amount of people have been online. They've been on YouTube. I had no idea what it was. Well we solved the mystery. Internet sleuthing. Thank you so much to everyone. We've had so many people getting in touch with us. That'd be a great double-barrelled name for an American billionaire. Yes. Yeah, it was like Jeffrey Internet Sleuthing III. One of the Getty's. We've had, I'm going to select this one just because I rather like the name, Malibu Chauncey.

Oh yeah. Okay, has been in touch with us. Sounds like a ROM character. Very good. Hi everyone, I can shed light on the funniest joke Frank has ever heard question Wowie from Ali McGoist It was on they think it's all over series 2 episode 6

Series 2 I mean that's going back a long way And it was actually Nick Hancock, not Ali. Oh, well that makes more sense. Oh Frank, that's a bit rude. Talking about someone being barred from taking their dad's ashes into a football game, and Nick said something along the lines of, it's a sad day when you can't even bring a bottle of pop into a football ground. Yes! Yes!

I always remember Frank laughing, saying it was honestly the best joke he'd ever heard. Yes. It's on YouTube, first five to ten minutes. Malibu Chauncey. Of course it would be one of the writers that had written it. Oh, I don't know. Nick is genuinely funny though, isn't he? I'll see. He's genuinely funny. He's genuinely funny. But do you think that would have been a... You know what, I've got know if Nick is genuinely funny though, isn't he? He smiles. He's genuinely funny.

He is genuinely funny. But do you think that would have been a... You know what, I've got news for you, Frank, when you do the host role. Do they write the jokes, don't they, for the man or lady who does... Well, what you spend... I would spend like a day and a half, some of it in the writer's room and some with the producers. I bet the writers enjoyed that.

There would be jokes coming in and I would accept or reject or tweak. Oh, I would reject. How did that go? So if I'm a writer, okay, Frank, we've got one for you here. I think writers get thick skin. Do they know? They have to be thick skinned. You accept it. Because you've done that, haven't you? I've done it a lot. And you get so, you know, one percent of your jokes might make it through. Okay. You learn to treat your dogs. With most papers, it's about 20%. I've done that a lot and you just yeah you get so you know one percent of your jokes might make it through okay

Oh speaking of jokes, I watched a Show that I'd made about ten years ago, which has been shown on Sky. What was it? It's called Johnny Cash and the ostrich 10 years ago, which has been shown on Sky. What was it? It's called Johnny Cash and the Ostrich. I loved that show. And I'd forgotten everything in it, really. It was on Sky, wasn't it? It was Sky Arts.

It was part of their urban myths thing. And it's a sort of true story about Johnny Cash was attacked by his own ostrich, who did so much damage that he had to take painkillers and he developed a painkillers and red wine habit which became quite serious. And did he say that was all because of the ostrich? Yeah, it was the pain caused by the ostrich. But also he smashed up a hotel room in Nottingham years later. So I tied the two things together and in the thing

he's in an image of this ostrich, he thinks it's in the hotel room with him. Well, I was watching it and I was really laughing at it because I'd forgotten the jokes. And I thought, God, this is brilliant. I think it's so arrogant. You say it was arrogant, but I also thought, there were several jokes where I thought, nobody will get that. Did you? No, nobody will get that. Yeah, not based on arrogance, but based on the fact like, I've lost my way. I used to be like, you know, I used to understand white van man and

Now I I think I've got lost I have no idea for example where he keeps his tools overnight It's a mystery to me But someone had said they didn't it's that I sorry, someone tells a story about watching, sitting with you watching Blue Heaven, sort of 15, 20 years after Blue Heaven had been out, and you really laughing at it. Well, because when you forget the jokes... That was a sitcom, was it, frankly? That's Frank, and Frank wrote that sitcom.

And Frank wrote it. No, that was a bit darker than that one. It was a lighter, sorry. No, so, I mean, for mean for example, there's a joke. Oh, you're going to give us some of your pearls. There's a joke in this, which I just thought no one will get this. What is it? So his manager said, but Johnny, how could the ostrich possibly be here in Nottingham,

England? And Johnny Cash said, it must have sneaked over on the plane with us and he said an ostrich on a plane he said it took a few years but they've finally come up with a plan B and I thought no one will get that and this is a good example hang on an ostrich on a plane if you get that took a few years but they've finally come up with a plan B well I've only got why go to snakes on a plane? It took a few years but they've finally come up with a plan B. Well I've only got, why go to snakes on a plane? Yeah that's where I, yeah it's because they're a flightless bird. Oh I see that is too clever for people. Exactly. He went to Oxford and he didn't even know it. No, Ian Eazer, I would say

that Steve is a sort of comedy aficionado. He studies comedy like a student. That is too clever. I know I've lost my way as I say. I don't think you have lost your way. You should always but I think it's good to keep your standards high Frank. I know but Steve will know having supported me that on live comedy I've been sort of beaten down a bit and I have to I have to go a bit lowest common to not laugh. Do you? Yeah because they, when you do it on a TV show you're not hearing people not laughing. What have you gone a bit, what is it written on the back of the car?

I wish my wife was this dirty. When you do comedy. You haven't gone down that road have you? No, but when you do. Talking of white man man It was because you... Oh brilliant It was because you care

So you sweat every line So you think about it a lot Whereas there are plenty of people out there who are dead behind the eye So they'll churn it out and they don't care It's kinds of you to say that But what's really happened I I think, is that there's a sort of deal with an audience that you think, most of it's for you, but a little bit of it's for me. There's that joke that never gets a laugh, but I really enjoy doing it,

so just let me have that. Okay. And I think I've wanted more of the deal in later years and it's been a... Oh, I see. You've got a bit greedy with your share. I have a bit. For example, I did a show. You know that? I got a chance going out on radio for at the moment called One Person Family's Health. It's a very fine show. And there was...and Pierre was on it actually one week.

And someone read out this thing about this baked beans thing that you could, I think it was a crocheted baked beans you could buy and the way they described it on the review was it's a beansing. And I said it's absolutely a beansing and I I said, if only it had been sweetcorn, that would have fitted perfectly. And the audience looked at me like you're looking at me now. Because another name for sweetcorn is maize. So amazing.

But anyway. I mean, it's very clever. I know, I know what you're saying. But it does require time. And not everyone is as quick as you Frank. Well thank you. No but it's true though isn't it. You are, you know I would say, it's often said, in fact I've heard many, you and Lee Mack are often mentioned as comedy metaphernalians.

Yeah but Lee is esoteric, he's got a lid on it. No but just the quickness of mind. I think that, you know. I've been on tour with Lee and he certainly had jokes that he loved that he would get He's esoteric. He's got a lid on it. No, but there's the quickness of mind. I've been on tour with Lee and he certainly had jokes that he loved that he would get annoyed that the audience didn't get. I remember the only thing about a freelance journalist and then saying, and Lance is still in prison, and he would get very angry that the audience didn't laugh at that. Do you know what I like? This is turning into a rather strange podcast. No it is.

It's gone a bit sort of tears of a clown. With Frank Skinner. No, it's gone a bit comedy workshops. I quite like comedy. Can I say, when Pierre was on that show, there was a bit again... Was he good on the show? Thank God he was good. There was a bit where I walked out there, got a massive round of applause. Oh good. And every round the applause got a bit less as more of these jokes were stopped. You know when you see that thing that shows you

that the battery is going on the phone? What did you end on? 42? Yeah it was pretty pretty low. Was it funny? I think you're being quite down on yourself. I think you maybe need to have a therapy. But can I tell you, there was a thing where someone was talking about this airline Spitfire, not airline, Airfix. Okay. Spitfire. The model. Yeah, the model one. And they said that, yeah, this would be great for dropping some bombs on Hitler in his bunker. And I said, it's a bit late for dropping him when he's in his bunker and I said don't kick a man who's half incinerated. Nothing. I quite like that. But then, but then and this guy, I think no laughs except from me, Pierre said,

well it would be impossible as well because that model of Spitfire went out of use in 1942 so it wasn't in his mug cover. And I thought that's what we want. That's how I loved that. But again the audience was a bit... Oh really? Anyway sorry maybe I shouldn't have shared all that. No, I think you should share it, but I wonder if you just maybe need like a motivational coach or something. You know what I need? You need a life coach. I haven't found my Rick Rubin. Oh, yeah. You know, Rick Rubin met Johnny Cash.

He revitalised him, yeah. Yeah, you need to get back to the core cash. Well, I thought on the tour I didn't see much of this, with the exception of the one gig on the Isle of Man, the gig that we... No, I don't mean people aren't laughing at my stuff. I mean on tour I've given up on the deal. I give the audience exactly what I think the audience want. But I used to do, when this show started, I used to do a bit about women I work with in a factory going to a strip club and then coming back and teasing me and it was quite

poetic piece and comedians said to me, God, it's brilliant that bit. The audience not so much though. Audience didn't like it. Okay. So have you recorded that anywhere? Is that just, has that flown away? Has that lost like tears in rain? Gone forever. What's new with you Steve Hall? Well so I obviously spent most of the autumn with you. How was it? It was really good fun. Out of a hundred, how much bitterness and resentment do you think you still carry towards me as a result of that tour?

Minimal. Oh my god, what is wrong with you? Well, that's a reasonable question. That's the weirdest question you've ever asked anyone. That's quite a distinction. Why do you think he's angry with you? Are you angry with him? No, I mean I'm pretty chilled. I didn't say he was angry. Oh sorry, what was it?

I was looking for resentment. We talked quite a lot on the tour, you know exactly the people who I have bitterness and resentment towards. I know, but I just thought, you know, that that's so far but we all have an update now and again. We only had there was only one thing I remember where you looked at me with cold but it's more the other way where you looked at me it's my favorite thing you've ever said to me. Which is what?

This was we went for a Christmas we had it on December the first it was the last of the run. Gather round the fireside for the lovely heartwarming Christmas story everyone. We went for a Christmas pub lunch. Oh my god. And we were swapping anecdotes about how we spend Christmas and I used the word, I'd been wanting to be warned in advance and so rather than saying warned, I used the word pre-warned.

Oh no. And Frank pulled me up and was angry at the use of that word. No, I wasn't angry at the use of that word. What did he say? I was angry. I don't know what I was angry about. It's been a long two. I'd like that to be your next book. I don't know what I was angry about. And I'm sure I was wrong. My view was that pre-warned doesn't make sense because to be warned has to be pre. So I think you were saying it's a tautology

Yes to use it and then so we were discussing this and I was more Sacrifice the atmosphere in the room for something like that It was more Christmas Decided to bring a Liam and Noel Gallagher energy. The line that I love, so we're having this discussion and then Frank then said, you looked me dead in the eye and said, at what point in this discussion did you realise you were wrong? Oh my god. And I briefly felt like we were going out with each other. It felt like an insight into relationships. We had got your hand on my guy. Did you say that?

Like I want to start using it in real life. I wouldn't start using it at home. You see I'm deciding, I'm starting to realise this is why I feel so comfortable and familiar with that because my father used to listen to people talking for quite some time and say nothing and then say, fascinating, how eloquent and then he would say, quite wrong of course. This is why I feel comfortable with Frank. One of my favourite ever reviews was A.E. Houseman. The Aladdin. The producer took it off my jingle pad. Why? You can't be trusted. Do you know what?

We can't be trusted with nice things. Sag Sattler. Sattler had taken a wife, especially the sharper edges. So A.E. Ousmane wrote, you must have heard this, he wrote a review and he said, there is much that is true and much that is new in this book, but that which is new is not true and that which is true is not new. It's fabulous. Jenny nodded then.

So do you recall saying this? I think I've decided that. Oh yeah, let's insult someone else today. I don't think that. I take that as an insult. Can you recall saying this to Steve? Yeah. You say it in a quite casual way. Well, yeah.

You know, it's been a long tour. We've been in each other's company a lot. And that's at the point there's enough familiarity that it didn't feel bad. I feel like I've annoyed him way more over the years. I thought I've now entered, I've entered Steve's, these are terrible ways I've been treated on to an extent. That was the only moment. And I felt no bitterness when I listened to this show being accused of having invented that I'd seen a shooting star. Yes! I'd forgotten about that.

That was a bit accused. I'd forgotten about that, yes was a bit accused. I'd forgotten about that, yes. We should remind people what happened. We were on the Isle of Wight ferry, and we were looking at the stars because our tour manager, Omar, is a very keen astronomer, and was able to point out brilliantly

stuff like Betelgeuse and, what was the other one, Saturn. What did they have a projector up there? What do you mean Betelgeuse? Yeah, Jupiter and Venus. What do you mean Betelgeuse? And Cassiopeia. Yeah, I mean it was great. He knows all that stuff. He went on a special astronomy.

He went up to the North East somewhere to do an astronomy thing. Anyway, yeah. By Hadrian's Wall. So we were outside on the ferry It's like 11 o'clock at night and clear sky It was brilliant actually and I saw a shooting star. I said, oh wow, there's a shooting star and Everyone went oh great. And then we were looking looking at stars and I saw another one and I says oh man I've just seen another one. I said, oh man, I've just seen another one.

I said, oh you guys don't believe me now. And Steve said, I took it as trying to not make me feel bad and disbelieved. Oh no, I saw the first one. And I said, well why didn't you say anything? And he said, well it was kind of your moment, wasn't it? Yeah. Well I think I had said, I think I'dumbled I think I think you probably hadn't heard me say it. Nobody mumbles I've just seen a shooting star! How often do you see them? Oh I didn't, very rarely I just I was I was more in silent awe and I was stood with

Harry Styles. Listen, in silent awe! I didn't want to hit silent or... Frank. So Frank has said there were only two possible options here. The first one was, as we said, Steve was like, I'm afraid in both instances you were lying. Both of you are telling an untruth. One was sympathy for me because it was my moment. Sympathy for the devil. One was sympathy for you because they thought well and it was also you just respecting the status and thinking okay better let big daddy have his status. And then the second untruthful option was what was it?

It was just you thought he'd done it. What was his second untruthful motive? It was just he was randomly lying. No I felt the second one was was also well intended because it was I was then concerned people thought I was lying. Yeah. So to join me in my life. Yes. So either way you actually came out of it well, though a liar. Yeah, then the truth was I think I did say and I think I just mumbled. Yeah. Hmm. Which is less of a good story. You don't get any throwaway.

Have you ever heard of a throwaway response to seeing a shooting scene? Well there are many times. I feel at this point he can't win. We are in the crucible territory here. Whatever he says, how can he emerge from this? Okay. Well certainly over the years I've done this show, you know, a couple of episodes a year, there was quite a regular thing where people would text the show to say, that was a funny thing that you

said Steve that nobody heard. It was quite a regular thing. I think I'm a mumbler. We talked about one. I still cherish these moments. In a list of things I don't believe. Oh Frank, you can't of things I don't believe? Oh Frank! You can't keep saying you don't believe it!

Come on, Steve said loads of funny things that we didn't hear. Look, we've called you back Steve. You don't have to lie about your previous performance. People have been sympathetic to my attempts at humour in the past. Okay. Yeah, but you can't just say things like, I don't believe that. If someone says something. I don't actually believe the shooting star, but nevertheless, I still don't think...

What about when I played Steve some clips from this show and I said, what do you think? And he said, well, none of them are brilliant. Why did you say that, Steve? What I meant by that was... It's just an episode of marriage therapy! What's going on here? I like it, I'm pretty like... You've taken on a sort of John's duty role.

What I meant by that was I felt like it needed a sentence or two more at the start of the clip to establish the context. Even Homer Nonsky? So that the context... I felt like I'd joined the conversation a sentence or two too late. So it wasn't that the content wasn't good. So it was the edit points you had an issue with rather than our talent.

Yes. It was Jenny's fault. Oh. Yeah. Anyway, your witness. But I think I said it in a way. I didn't say it as subt you know, subtly as I could. OK. So I think I said it in a way that was...

I think we might have a vote on whether anyone believes this. Anyway, this has been a very unusual podcast. I also enjoyed the moment when we were getting food and the... This is like watching the Johnny Depp trial. I enjoyed when the waitress pretended to recognise me and went, looked me in the eye and said, are you Frank Skinner? Did she? And she'd obviously been told by some of the other staff, you know, that hey, Frank Skinner's in the restaurant.

And she didn't know who it was and so looked at me and said... Oh, that's so awkward. And Steve tried to rescue her by lying as well. I did I tried to be kind in that moment. What did you say? Why did you keep lying Steve? What is it with you? Steve said I think I look a bit like David. Which I obviously don't. I look like David Baddiel. Which I don't in any way. He said so, it's easier to get mixed up because Frank and David Baddiel are associated. Yeah. And it's because the look on... she was so mortified and the silence... we'd collectively let the silence hang in the air for far too long. I've got a theory about this. I think it's because you fear letting people down and upsetting them. Yeah, yeah, that's accurate. Do you think that's fair? Whereas you are perhaps less troubled by that.

Well... And I am too, Frank. I would say I'm more like you. I, for me, the truth is everything. I know it is. I know. Respect. The good thing is, I've been thinking just how much Josh Widdecombe will be enjoying this episode of the podcast. Very up his strasa. Josh Widdecombe gave me a Doctor Who book when he came on the show, so Steve Hall's given me nothing.

Oh, Frank, come on, he didn't know it was going to be... I was wondering whether to bring you... I've got a second... Have you listened to Markey Moon by television yet? No. That's the thing we talked about. What's this? We talk about music quite a lot on the road and he was asking me my opinion of the band television and I think Markey Moon is probably my favourite album. And then I thought, because I've got a second copy of it and I thought do I bring it? But I thought if I brought it and offered it to you as a present you'd be going, oh bloody

Stable what a crawler, look at him kissing up to the headmaster. I like, sorry, I like this voice. As if I would ever say anything like that. It's a catch 22. That felt like it needed to end. What about when I was going out with that bloke from EastEnders and I did that after we had a vow. It was worth dating him. That's right.

A lovely man, Joel. And he had been in a few doofs. What was his character again? Something moon, one of the moons anyway. Oh, he's one of the moons. He's one of the moons. Was he a television album? What was that called?

Marquee Moon. No. And I thought it's just worth disagreeing with him. We didn't date for that long and it was actually a lovely relationship. It was worth that, just slightly confecting a disagreement in order to be able to say doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo after I had a fist fight with Barbara Windsor. Oh, shut up. No. I did once stop really quite a full-blooded and unpleasant argument with a woman. I said, look, there's only one thing we've got in common. She said, well, at least we've got that in common.

I said, there's only one thing we've got in common. We're both in love with you. Oh, that's good. Did she laugh? And she carried on arguing. And I went, hold on, hold on. Hold on, that was it. I had to stop an argument. So I didn't want to be the Steve Hall situation of doing a great joke and nobody hearing it. And we weren't broadcasting.

Frank, do you remember we were talking on the last podcast about songs with a sort of plot twist. Yes. For example? I think it was a reveal in the last lines, a surprise reveal. So the way that Save Your Kisses for me sounds like it's about a woman that you're in love with and it turns out to be about a little child of yours. Oh yes. Well a lot of people are mentioning Lola by the Kinks. I don't want to go into the whys and wherefores but I think I can understand that. I wouldn't say that Lola was... I think that is a staggered reveal. Oh quite strict. The strictness of Frans Kinner. I like it. We also have...

Would you say Stan? You could say in the first verse, it meets her in a club where they drink champagne but it tastes just like cherry cola. How's her name spelled? Already we're in a situation where that is not what it appears to be, so we're setting up the idea of the woman being... Okay so we've also had suggested Stan M&M, would you say that was plot twist? Oh yeah, yeah. It's at the very final... Yeah, I think that... You're going staggered reveal again. Because the last line, it was you. Isn't it the last line? Yeah. There's also, it's under the Two of Us by Just the Two of Us, Just the two of us just the two of us about him talking to till we die

the two of us remember that and in the end the woman he's talking about is in his boot dead hmm I think that's the video to Stan that's Stan no no this is the separate oh okay maybe did it twice then. That's the end of Stan. Yeah is it the end of Stan? Yes it is. Oh well maybe I've confabulated. The other thing is Coco Cabana at the end I don't know if this is a plot twist and it is a bit of a you know at the end. Has someone sent this in? It gets very depressing. Yeah well we've had three others sent in. Coco Cabana wasn't sent in but the others were. I should credit some of these people. We've had Funky Cold Medina by Tone Loke and that was from 867. Are you familiar with that? Yeah I think so.

It seems to all, I'm just realising something. It does seem to be the same reveal each time. Which is what? It was a bloke! Yes. Oh. Every single song. Well no, sometimes it's the child, sometimes it's the corpse. I think that's pretty good variety. And the Coco Cabana reveal seems to be, the Coco Cabana reveal appears to be that Lola gets old. No, no. It says she sits there so refined and drinks herself half blind. She lost her youth and she lost her Tony. Now she's lost her mind.

Oh, this is not Lola. No, this is Coco Cabana. Coco Cabana, yeah. Her name was Lola, you see, as well, confusingly. She was a showgirl. I believe so. What's her name? His name was Rico. you see as well, confusingly. She was a showgirl. I believe so. What's her name? His name was Rico and he wore a diamond.

He sounds very camp now I say Rico. Yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down there. Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl and Rico wore a diamond and that's the only piece of description we have about him. He sounds very tonyoli Rico. Rico wore a diamond and that's the only piece of description we have about him. I thought you needed to know. He sounds very Tognoly Rico. I was in a talent contest. Congratulations.

In Stafford in my early days and there was that the guy said you've got some at Sony said but you won't win because we've got a ringer in we've got a semi pro and he won't do it if we don't tell him he's going to win. And he won and when he did his encore, his celebratory lap of honour, he did that song, Her Name Was Lola, and when he said she was a showgirl, he did that mime with his hands of like an hourglass figure. Oh, that is disgusting. Oh Oh it's so cliched. On the subject of kink songs, Frank, in the sound checks for the tour,

there was a particular thing that Frank would do as part of the sound check, and I for the first 25 shows... Was it walk on and say, you're lying Steve? No! These are only very occasional Steve's lies. Are they? Yeah. For the first 25 shows I thought it was a Philip Larkin poem. And then I finally realised it was alcohol by the Kinks. Yes. But I just thought, oh this must be a Philip Larkin poem that I don't

know. Oh, that's a great credit to Ray Davis. Yeah, yeah. Is the sad and woeful story of a middle class executive who lived a life of promise and possession, but the pressures at the office and his socialite engagements and his stupid wife's fanatical ambitions, et cetera, et cetera. Frank, what do you think of Baron Anelow? It's got a word that you don't hear very often.

She led him to the booze and he got mixed up with a floozy. Oh, I love a floozy. I love a floozy. What happened to floozies? What did floozies dress like? I think they might wear a pencil. With yellow feathers in their hair. They're wearing a dress right now.

What do you think of Barry Manilow, Frank? Well, I remember Dennis Leary, who's a good friend of mine, American comic, he used to do a bit about how he loved to smoke crack out of Barry Manilow's skull. Oh, that's horrible. Why does he say that? After he'd killed and stripped the skin away. Oh my god. So do you not like him? I love him. I've never met him. Okay. But I like some of his stuff. I like... I think he's... We were talking earlier about Abra... Is it Brandy or Mandy? Mandy. I think it was Brandy. In fact that was a switch.

Mandy. No it's Mandy. I think that was about a dog originally wasn't it? Was it Mandy? Oh that's why you had to stop her from shaking. But it also says you came and you gave without taking, not true of dogs. Well. As they do take. You came and you gave, it might have been like playing fetch. But they sent you away. But when they play fetch. That was when they picked them up in the van. You send them away when you play fetch. I'm sure it was about a dog originally. Oh dear. Your brandy. Okay I think he's due a recalibration we were saying this about Abba weren't we and I think it's time. Is he still with us though Barry? Oh yeah. Has he ever done like the legends slot in Gastonbury? And he's able to live openly now which makes me happy with his partner. No he'd probably do well at the legends. Yeah yeah. I don't think he needs your charity. He's doing alright, he's a multi-millionaire. The legends slot should be called the tong

in cheek. Not very good but let's all laugh, let's enjoy it ironically slot. Why don't they call it that and just get it out there? What else have we heard? Well, do you remember you were talking recently about mobile phones in, not mobile phones, but it was the practice of holding up signs in theatres saying please turn off your mobile phone. Well, I went to see Much Updo About Nothing and the people who hold up the please turn your phone off signs are forced to dance. I think I said like the tin horn who comes into town and the cowboys shoot at their feet to make them strut. It was a bit like that.

Well, James has got in touch. Read persons holding signs before the audience advising everyone to switch off their mobile phones. I went to see Frank at the Gielgud, effusive praise redacted and two members of staff approached the stage and faced us. Did they mention Staves Act? No. Apologies in advance. For the untruths contained here, and faced us, each with a sign asking slash warning us to turn off all devices, one male, one female. For the young lady, it was clearly an uncomfortable couple of minutes, averting eyes and meekly smiling. For the young man, however, this was his Martin McCutcheon moment. Lips slightly pursed, hand on cocked hip, head tilted, he clearly... Hand on?

Hand on cocked hip. Oh, yeah, that's very... Calm down. You have to be very careful with the pronunciation. And I was. And I was. I really, really thought you'd said... No.

And on cocked hip, Frank. Okay? Okay. Everybody calm down. Head tilted. Still okay. He clearly had never felt more alive to have all eyes on him and probably deeply resented the lights eventually going down. All I'm saying is yes, humiliating for some, for others, an absolute dream come true. Yes, it certainly is.

Frank's friends in the SNM community can surely relate. All best, James UK. Well, one of the guys who had to dance at Mochadu was really giving it. Really? Yeah, he was fabulous. I like people that build their parts up, though. Why not? Yeah, go for it. Hand on cocked hip. Steve, you have to pick up on the worst things. Yeah.

Anyway, I honestly did think you'd said that though, which is bright. What? Yeah, I mean who's going to read the sign? Who's reading the sign at this stage? I mean the fact that it had to be me to read it as well. I just want to clarify again, and in case this needs to be re-edited for avoidance of doubt, I said hand on cocked. C-O-C-K-E-D-H-I-P, that's what we're at. Hand on cocked hip. You're giving the editors a lot of power here. I know, I know.

Well, he's actually like that editor. I actually like that sound guy, he's nice. We don't actually edit this Steve. No, we just put it out as it is. Just in case you've got a list of please. Can I ask you a question? Can you not put in that bit where? Are you feeling okay about everything Steve? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Good, okay. That was a bit counselling. No, I only said it. That was a bit third heavy side of adolescence.

We did quite a lot of like long drives and I felt like it's you know you wait on those really long drives, you get to know someone more. What did you think, getting to know Nour? Because Frank would quite often ask, he'd often ask a question, he'd like ask a really deep and interesting question. And then if I would take a few seconds to think about it.

A few seconds? I just thought, Steve's asleep. And I did fall asleep a few times in the back of the car so that was that was it was understandably be worried about that. I don't like people asleep and then my mouth really wide open. I'm a mouth breather, I'm a terrible mouth breather. I think I got my nose broken at football or something like that. People always come up with a cool reason. I sleep like Grandpa Simpson. Okay. I sleep like Grandpa Simpson. Okay.

I sleep with Grandpa Simpson. Okay, so can we end this on a lovely happy note? You had a lovely time away together though. We had a brilliant time. We saw a shooting star together. LAUGHTER Mmm... LAUGHTER I saw two and... I they weren't brilliant but what I mean is I thought that there was

the tail and it was a bit short they should have come in into the atmosphere Skinner podcast. A new winter change is blowing. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. I'm not totally sure how it's going. Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via frankofftheradio at avalonuk.com.