The Frank Skinner Show - Privet Hedge

Episode Date: October 24, 2025

This week Frank has been on The Last Leg and has spotted another terrible slogan t-shirt. Also Emily has binge-watched a tv show while she's been unwell and wants to know what the team makes of it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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featuring him and that parched radio and the one with the French name who from South Africa came they're all here open brackets array close brackets today if I could be for only an hour if I could be for an hour every day if I could be for just one

little hour cute Cute in a stupid ass way. Hello, this is Frank Off the Radio. I'm joined by Emily Dean and Pierre Navelli. Follow the podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via, wait for it, Frank Offeradio at Avalonukk.com, or you can WhatsApp us and you know how.

Back in the 80s nightclub with the goth rejecting me again. Oh, man. It makes me back. 80s nightclogs. If you can't drink enough by 11 o'clock, you should be ashamed of yourself. Yes, I arrived by Overground. Oh. Did you?

That's a... Oh, you've changed your habit. Yeah, I used to tube in, but now I overground in. Why? And I like the walk from the overground to here. So it goes through quite a hardcore area. And I'm always fascinated and amused by people who walk straight at me in order to prove their physical superiority.

Yes. I used to be upset by it, but now I find it very smile. I have to smile after they've gone rather than in their unshaven faces. And that's just the women. Oh, Frank. Really? But, yeah. So I was on it, a man got on. You know we've been talking about captions on T-shirts.

Oh, yeah. And on the T-shirt, it said, that's what she said. Oh, okay. Now, are you familiar with this? Yes, I am. When I was... Paragon of wit. When I was drinking in pubs and stuff, that was absolute.

Was it? Comedy gold dust. Was it the equivalent of the, as the actress said to the bishop? It was the working class version. Oh, that's what we used to say. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah, so... We all find a way to smot eventually, regardless of the class.

Yes, I'm actually playing in The Winter's Tale at the Wyndham's this week, Your Grace, as the actress said to the bishop. But she, that's what she said. In Black Country parlance, where I come from a place called the Black Country, we used to say that's what her said. That was our grammar. It's getting even worse. But the way it worked is that someone would say something like,

if a member of both coming when you had a hair cut, and he said, I'd have liked it a bit shorter and about eight people with, that's what I said. It was very, very popular. on ton and to see it on a t-shirt in London sophisticated London I thought it had faded

but no I might start using it again re-re popularised in a slightly semi-ironic way by the US version of the office oh really there's a character in that who's obsessed with that joke

yeah oh wow oh maybe that's why the guy well that's ruined everything yeah like all facts yeah exactly I think that's a bit

classish that they haven't repurposed our middle class for Hayes. Yeah, that's true. Actress said to the bishop has died out, Frank. I mean, I imagine it's still very much alive amongst the atrical circles. I think trying to explain that phrase to Americans without diagrams would just be impossible. Why would an actress talk to a bishop? It doesn't matter. I'd tell you what used to be very popular as well.

If you sat in a certain way that you're sort of slightly excluding someone from the group, they'd say oh it's nice to see you back oh that was you who wrote these though no one wrote them frank someone right someone the first person said that that's good and every time they heard it after they must say that's my joke can i tell you my worst frank is what is um when you'd stumble when they'd say enjoy your trip oh yeah oh yeah i was an immediate cancellation i don't know if they still they still operate those because people just show them a meme. Look at my phone. You know, people

don't really say anything anymore. Yes, you're right. And they died out these things. I was an adult when I learned the phrase, the little joke of, you know, when you're trying to get around someone on the pavement and you sort of both moving side to side. And I was up north and a guy with a thick Yorkshire accent and went, oh, thanks for the dance. Oh, nice.

I thought, it was like a dance. Yeah? Do you use that now? Within a week, I tried it, and the person went, and I went and it's that it doesn't matter. If I'd used it on my way in this morning, I would now be sitting here looking like Terry Butcher when he got his head split up and died for England. You'd have your head on backwards.

Exactly. But it's nice, now you put it in my mind. Oh, God, what if I said it exactly? Like when I used to, if I saw anyone in a long leather coat, do you know this? And I started literally Sainty. You know those long luck sort of goth coats? I would always go,

Rour, Matrix. But I started saying it out loud. And having got one, like, not very friendly look from a bloke, I didn't stop doing it. You don't want to say that to the zombie punk in Camden, as he's called. Very few jokes that can bring together the world of both the Matrix and Carry On Films. Well, exactly.

What a rare critic. This is what we need Frank Skinner for. Frank. Could come out to that? Never in a million years. The other thing, I really, I actually have to turn off the television. I walk out of a room if someone says this, is when people stumble over their words or there's some sort of malapropism

and they say, oh, sorry, put my teeth back in. I can't. I saw someone say out on breakfast TV recently. I thought, are we still saying this? Have you not heard that? I don't think I do know that one. I remember a woman in Birmingham saying to me, text two to tango, and I said, you've obviously never been truly lowly.

But, yeah, she didn't. It's like when people used to tell me they'd tell drinking anecdotes. And then I'd tell one about waking up, covering my own urine, and I'd bought a hooped black-and-white hoop t-shirt, and the black hoops had run into the white hoops. And then the conversation just dissipated. No one wants, we were telling funny stories. And you brought a movie.

No, there was the time I saw all these spiders falling off of my sick. We don't want to talk about this anymore. Take your darkness away. Exactly. Frank, actually, on the subject of T-shirt, Ethan has got in touch. I know Frank specified picks or it didn't happen, but I'm afraid you'll have to trust me on this one. Around five years ago while changing trains at Newport Station

I saw a man wearing a t-shirt with a picture of a Ford Mustang on the front on the back of the t-shirt was written the following Sell my Mustang I'd rather shove crisps up my ass The man was middle-aged and appeared to be alone No stag party or birthday group inside Someone said that he was on the trade This great champion of the Ford Mustang Well, you must have known that he's on the train,

therefore he must also have crisps up his arse. Oh, yes. It's finally come to it. Also, in terms of things... Does he mean actual crisp or sort of dry skin condition? Frank, in terms of things I'd be prepared to go to for this beloved car,

I don't think it's that bad. I'm going to put it out there. No. Crisps up the ass I've had worse. Difficult. I don't think you know. I... That's what difficult.

Per example. As the actress said to the bishop. Yeah. Yeah? Oh, I'm so sorry, everyone. I think the requirement, it would be difficult if the requirement was for the crisps to maintain their structural integrity.

What is like a crisp sandwich? You've got to be fast before they go, they just become like sheets of potato. Ethan says it's been five years and I still think regularly about why someone would, A, own that t-shirt and be wear it in a public place.

Yours in podcasting, Ethan. I suppose a lot of people have seen that t-shirt when he's sitting on the train and just thought, well, that's a picture of a Ford Mustang and thought nothing of him. Nice man, we're a charming man, loving his Mustang. Yeah. We also heard from regarding T-shirts from W.A.,

which is quite mysterious. Well, sounds like one of the former US presidents. Yeah? Listen to the episode where you mentioned the t-shirts and trips to Talon, and I was reminded of a t-shirt I enjoyed when visiting that very city. Woody Allen, it could be from, He's a shame to put his fall line now

because of his dark secrets. I wanted to tell you about a t-shirt I saw it. I'm very nervous about it. Unwelcome celebrity fans. Exactly. It was just after the fall of the Soviet Union and satellite states like Estonia. Oh, right. That's your favourite period? You love it.

I've done about the fall. Oh, no. You like the rise. I like the Cold War. Yeah? Yeah. Satellites like Estonia were opening up. I saw a man where. wearing what was then the uniform of the fashion-conscious Eastern European male.

Very tight stone-washed jeans, mullet, mustache, and imported Western t-shirt. Not far from what's fashionable now. No, actually, mullet and mustache. The t-shirt had a symbol on it and a few words, and the words were, McCain oven chips. It's so brilliant. It's so brilliant. Do you think he knew?

The man didn't know. No, I think the man, but it was like Gucci or something. Because there used to be, I think, urban myths. You know, people like to wear things with, like, Chinese characters. When I say Chinese characters, I don't mean like, I don't mean like, Cato from the Green Hornet. I mean, you know, words. Yes. What's it called?

What's it called? The alphabet. Kanjin. Oh, kanji. Yeah. Kanji. Kanji. Okay.

Well, yeah. So, and it used to be these urban myths that said it. was saying, like, you know, death to the English and stuff like that, but I doubt it. Sometimes it would just be bad grammar. This was in the days when people were very suspicious about China. Yeah. Obviously, those, you know, we know better now. If you're listening, and we know you are.

And other celebrity fans we don't want, along with Woody Allen. Can you imagine if Donald Trump listened to this podcast? What do you think he'd make of it all? Oh, I mean, I don't know if. It's a bit long for him. He could listen to it while golfing, sort of endlessly golfing. Yeah. Do people listen to stuff on the golf course?

I don't think. I'm not sure. Aren't they doing deals? They seem to be in films. I'm cheating. When he did that speech to the Connecticut, whatever the Israeli parliament's called. Oh, yeah.

He said, you know, I do deals. That's what I do. I'm very good at it. It's all that. I mean, he loves the idea of doing deals. Everything's about deals with him. Well, I think you'll find it's an art. Yes.

Of course. Yeah. Of course. Check out the big stars, big series, and blockbuster movies. Streaming on Paramount Plus. Cue the music. Like NCIS, Tony and Ziva. You'd like to make up for own rules.

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How else? Well, I want to tell you about my week. It's not that interesting, I'm afraid. Well, there's half the real. Yeah, I know, but it's because I was ill. You know, I had a cold last week. So I missed the show. But you mean a real cold?

Oh, I had a proper cold. But I have realised it was very depressing to realise that I've reached that stage in life. No offence, I think you might be here with me, Frank, where a cold isn't a minor inconvenience anymore, is it? It's literally, it feels like start getting your affairs in order and writing letters to your loved one. Send for the priest. Yeah. It's the Dickensian. I'm not joking, I wore a shawl

and I lived on soup and bread. Oh God, it sounds like you were waiting for news of the Titanic. At any point did you lie down with your arms over each other, vampire style? Do you remember that bill tidy cartoon when there's a sign saying a Titanic office

and there's all these people lined up worried in a big queue for information? and that's a polar bear at the back saying any news about the iceberg? I honestly felt I felt like Miss Havisham without the 12.5 million Gothic mansion but there was some good came out of this

I got to catch up on some TV guilt-free TV watching and I know you did this when you were ill, Frank when you had the COVID you chose, you took this as an opportunity to watch some film about sleazy-mise Martians, I seem to recall. It was a silent movie about Martians.

A silent sci-fi and golf fever. Stop selling it to me. Yeah, exactly. So what did you go for? A little different. No Zygons or Martians around my way. I watched all 40 episodes of Married at First Site, Season 12, Australia. Oh, my Lord.

I don't know if either of you are familiar with this show. Vaguely, yeah. Are you literally meet someone and married them? You meet them at the wedding? Yeah, it's essentially bringing back the concept of the arranged marriage. That's how I like to see it. The idea, they turn up at the aisle. Sounds more like the derange marriage to me.

You get matched by experts on paper and they say they have these qualities, that's going to bring out this side in them, and they turn up at the aisle, they've never set eyes on each other before. What I particularly love the Australian vote, And I feel I can say this as someone who's 50% Antipedean. They can be a brutal people.

They don't mess around. Like on the British version, there's lots of niceties. They're saying, well, you know, they don't mess around in Australia. But can you say no? Well, oh, yes. So there was one groom turned up. He must have been in his mid-30s. She was in her mid-30s as well.

And they got married and you can see there were problems. He had misgivings. And then the next morning... Miss Givings was the bridesmaic. It would have been in Jane Austen. Yeah. It's actually quite importance of being honest. Miss Givings.

So anyway, he then says, after 24 hours of being of this woman, he turns to camera and he says, look, this is an absolute deal breaker. She's over 25. I was very clear, I will not marry someone over 25. This is over.

The experiment is over. And he left. and he was about 36 To announce a divorce by saying the experiment is over Frankenstein That'd be great by to happen in any relationship I wish I'd thought of that years ago To stand up, raise both hands and say

The experiment is over And leave the house immediately When I say I want to be taking off robber gloves You will be So anyway, then there was one woman and she, the reason she didn't like her groom because she said, I'm sick of him, he's reading bloody books all the time.

It's all he does is read books. And this is an Australian. I was going to say, that's the most. Wow. I mean, to me fair, exactly. She didn't, she had every right not to expect her. That'll be the tall puddle martyrs descendants. Yes, yeah, the few big readers.

I like to think they're probably my relatives. she got, but he was getting really defensive. I don't read that much. I haven't read that many. She went, you've read at least two this week. I did not go into this experiment to end up with someone who read bloody books all the time. So it's treating books like maybe cigars or...

Well, it's like 1933 in Germany. Like, that's what it felt like. At least then they would have said, as long as you read the right books, it's okay. They would have lost a lot of the spectacle in Germany in 33. if Kindle had existed. They'd just deleted. It'd be rubbish.

No bonfires, nothing. Town Square. Watch everyone as I press this button. Yeah, delete. Oh, yeah, that's very spectacular. Cool story, Brian. A journalist, photographer, saying, not really working this.

See it, it's wiped. Empty. I mean, I can't watch. I've recently been watching celebrity traitors. Yeah. Now, when traitors. was members of the public. Everyone was saying to me,

oh, you've got to watch Traders. So I tried one episode. It was just, there's something about a celebrity sitting at home watching members of the public on the television. The world is upside down. Like one of those engravings after the Civil War. I can't live with that. To you, it's like those old pictures of like a cow plowing.

Yeah, I've got to. I'm watching you guys now. Are you on the sofa? You're on the telly. That's all right. But with the celebrity ones, I'm fine with it. So I'd be no good with... Watching the civilians.

With the marriage. What's it called again? It's called Married at First Side. No, unless there's a celebrity version, which there probably isn't. Well, it does give you a lot of it. That's what I like about strictly. They never bothered with the members of the public version.

They went straight in. This is what we do. But you know what? What you can feel, less guilty about is that they all go on. They go on the show largely to get deals and become influencers and they all become millionaires. They're working out their

deals. But the reason what I found so... What's their ideals? That's what I want to know. Well, it's not bloody books. No. It's experiments. What I find extraordinary though is the reasons people... People's

priorities when they're selecting a life partner. I'd say 65% of them said keen interest in fitness. Yeah, that's very Aussie. About 70% teeth was a big thing. So no books, got to have perfect teeth and keen interest in fitness. Over to you, Frank Skinner. Well, I was on a bus once.

There was two Australian guys sitting behind me. This was in England and they were sitting talking. He said, I know, they're unbelievable to English. There's a guy at work. He can't fucking swim. I've heard that critique from South Africans about the UK. Yeah, it's like they can't believe that we're not a super sporty. Yeah.

I think they think we're pretty disgusting, don't you? I hope so. If you meet an Australian nerd, then they sort of talk about the UK and hushed tones of, you know, it's Eden. Yeah. Somewhere to finally be free from the constant beach bullying. But I do think, I look at this. Well, they should walk from the Alvagrowns here with me.

I think these people are shallow and I think how could you dismiss someone for such ridiculous reasons? But then having watched it, indeed I'm something of an expert on this now, I would say, I do think I would have an immediate annulment for very minor things

would be deal-breakers for me. If I got to the aisle and someone said like be rude not to and or was wearing Caramac shoes, that would be enough. Honestly. I don't know what. Caramac shoes are.

Do you know the caramac chocolate bar? Yeah. They're that color. Oh, I see. I used to love that. Isn't that what they used to, what they now call blonde? Yes.

Chocolate. Yeah. My favorite. My worst shoes. I met some friends of friends who are Australian and they were, they had something to do with tennis, but very, like, in a very in-depth way. Maybe they were coaches or something.

One of them worked at Wimbledon, I don't know. But I asked them if they'd read a particular article about tennis. Like I said, oh, I just read it, and I don't know anything about tennis. So I thought, this is my one weapon here. conversationally. And they sort of looked at each other and then one of them went, the two of them, one of them went, we don't really read. Wow. And I went, of course I'm sorry. You're Australians who love sport to the point where it's

your job. It was silly of me to mention an essay I'd read. It's for you as a sentence from school. You fool. I remember being in a pub and there was a group of people talking about the Bermuda triangle, which is what people talked about there. There was nothing else to talk about. It was huge that thing. You don't understand. It was so hot. But I ended up swatting up on it because it could get you to any party or anything. Did you swat up on it? Yeah, which wasn't easy in those days. There was no internet.

Yeah. Anyway. And anyone had been there had gone lost. And it was hard to find. I was going to say it. And I was on my own and I was drunk. And they were talking about the review of the Triangle. And I desperately wanted to get in.

And then I remembered something. I said, well, I remember reading a clubbing, International, which was a sort of dirty magazine. I mean, sold in paper shops, nothing too. I said, there was an article in there that said, and here's three women from Bermuda, all showing their triangles. That was all I had. That was all.

It was just, they were just, they just ignored me. It was horrible. I'm just completely. They probably still tell that story. I probably still talk about the Bermuda Triangle because I don't imagine they had much else. Oh, my God. But, oh, wow, I thought I've really pulled one out here.

This is going to blow that, no. I'll be invited over. Yeah, exactly. Come, stranger, sit. Speak to us more. Tell us more of Club International. Why was it called Club International? Because they wanted the people, the sleazy men reading it,

to feel like elite businessman. Like a cond-day-ass traveller. They want them to feel like they're part of it. a special club. No, you're not. You're just sleazy bastards. You're one of those painted-outes flying. Being given a roast dinner. The tweet magazine was called Men Only, which wasn't really

going for that. Unclerific. Tell us something we don't already know. I was going to say, men only. Not necessary. I wonder if anyone ever bought men only and thought, oh shit, there's women in it. I was looking for some nice men. Yeah, what a letter.

What were the other ones, Frank Penthouse? That was up market where you can. I tricked you. Fair of mind, we weren't buying these. We were taking them out of hedges. Oh, did you not buy the... People used to be in privy hedges. There's a sort of public library system in the woods.

It was the people's library. Yeah. Yeah, when you finish with it, you put it back in the hedge for the next person. Yeah. Oh, my God. What sort of horrible library? The big society. Born library.

Yeah. The SNM magazines you'd put in a hawthorn bush just to enhance the experience. Well, they're sort of cheaper, slightly more low-rent porn. Well, they weren't, I don't know if you'd even, they wouldn't qualify as porn. You could buy them in newsagents. What was Reader's Wives? Yeah, that was the same thing.

Was that a magazine called Reader's Wives' Wives? That was for people who like their women a bit more real. Oh, okay, okay. It was people, it was the reader sending in their wives. But anyway, we all know now that this was wrong. Don't write in. It's all right, being wise after the fact. No, they like porn now, don't they?

Do they? Yeah, I think they accept it. I don't. I gave it up. No, they say it's empowering now. Oh, God, I quit in 2002. Yeah. Oh, man.

And you've replaced it with those bloody books. Exactly. I was thinking of him reading those books. Actually, to be fair, we don't know what those books were. Yeah, if it was just mine camp over and over again. What if it was, what's that thing, George Mattel's the story of the eye? What was that? That was like a, it was supposed to be an art novel, but people used to pass it around.

There's a lot of rudeness in it. Oh, yeah. Porn via the intellect. Yeah, there was a bit where there was a couple of like, I don't know, school, older school kids who were a boyfriend and girlfriend and the mom disapproved to something of the boy. So she came into the room to tell him off. And the girl was up in the rafters and weed all over the mom.

I remember that was one of the things that happened. Good night. We should do a book, Clopped to play. Downloads on Australia, too. I know, but there's downloads and there's downloads. Frank, we need to do a thank you, by the way. Before I forget. Oh, yes.

We were sent... I do feel bad about this. Yes. One of our readers really kindly sent both and our... Frank and I some poetry books. I got Seamus Heaney. Ooh. Yes.

I got... In Meldamerey. I nearly said... I want to say Vanessa May, but Vanessa May was a violinist. Yes. Of course, with all of them, I want to say thanks for the tip. Of course you do.

Yeah. But yes, he did send us these books and we forgot to do a thank you. I'm very sorry for that. So big thank you to Jerry, Jerry Senate, for sending us those books. Were they sent from Australia? Jerry. No, they weren't sent from Australia. This guy trying to get rid of his stash before his wife finds it.

Listen, I want to get rid of these shame as he needs. I did... My wife caught me appreciating Seamus Heaney. I'm in the bloody doghouse. I just left it in the bushes for the next fella. And you go to the woods in Australia. It's just full of high literature.

I thought I saw a Tolstoy in a hedge. I pulled over. Pretty bad condition, I can tell you. The last fella had a good time. Camus and a lay-bye. Oh, we never went in lay-bys. It was true, though. It was privy.

It was the place. Go on you, what were you going to say? I did I do that now. I did they've got the internet, of course. That was the internet, I suppose. What, the privet hedge? That's how people explained it to early porn enthusiast. Imagine a big private hedge made of electricity covering the whole world.

Exactly. Wow, I know, yes. No, but they've changed the rules now. They've made it really hard for the purvey's because you have to put all your date of birth and everything. Oh, do you? And all your personal details. Do you? I think that was legislation that was introduced.

Oh, wow. Yeah, which I think is brilliant, because not so easy now, is it? Terrifying. I'm glad I got out of there, huh? Yeah. What were you going to say, Frank? Oh, I saw you on the last leg, by the way. Yes, I did the last leg on Friday.

And the last leg, obviously, is one of the few live comedy shows. You're in your element with live. Well, as you know, with a lot of comedy shows, If you do a joke and it doesn't work, it just doesn't, you know, they cut it out. Unless it's Graham Norton being spiteful. But on live telly. So it started off with them saying to me, so what do you think about the peace deal, Frank? Oh.

Yeah. Already I'm on thin ice. Got any hilarious? So I did a thing. I did. Do they tell you beforehand? They do. But only like an hour before or something.

Well, obviously, some things have just happened. They've just happened. Don't get me wrong. They're not trying to catch me out. No, and it's our lovely Josh. Yeah, they're all very nice. It's very welcome. It's not like, you know.

We know what other show you mean. Not like some topical new shows. But they're very welcoming. And so I started. And the first joke, nothing. The second joke, also nothing. Many would have folded at this stage. I don't remember you getting a nothing, did you?

Well, I did. They asked about the peace deal. And my point was, I'm going to do it again now, get the same expression. Oh, great. Now we're going to have to like, they looked at me like the three of them after the second joke, looking at me like, oh, God, we've made a terrible hour of booking here. We've booked a dod.

How are we going to manage this? I think they were expecting sincerity. What did you say? Tell me what you said. I said, you know, it's terrible when bad people do good things. It's like the Conservative Party having women leaders, brown leaders, black leaders. And you're thinking, you're the bad guys. What are you doing?

Yeah. Nothing. Nothing. And then I said, I like. it when Trump goes off scripts, off scripts. I said to you before and starts doing new material. Nothing. Nothing at all. So I thought if I do do a knob joke soon, my career is over.

Luckily, one was just around the corner. And then everything was fine. Was it? Yeah, but that moment, when a joke doesn't work on TV, you know when you're in fog and you can sort of taste it in the air? That's what the silence is like. It's like copper. The silence is thought, if you're blue your nose,

you'd be able to sither silence on your handkerchief. It's in your pipes and everywhere. Droplets of silence on your eyelashes. But you know, that's so interesting because maybe that is, that's what makes you a good comedian, is that you can, the resilience to come back from that. Because a lot of people would think, I'm going to sit here and say nothing and just get through this.

Well, I've never thought that in my life. Have you not? No. Wow. I think I would think that. To be on what they call on, have I got news for you, a smiling presence I'd be like

I still get pain but so you came back I didn't isn't it funny I didn't notice that at all I just thought you did brilliantly and you were funny but Yeah well you know obviously I went to bed after

Yeah and I couldn't remember any of the laughs I could just remember those two moments Oh frown That's the way it is though That's the way it is And I was on with Stevie Martin I don't know if you know her

She's very... She's very... She's very funny. And there was a quiz where a man came on. And they said, right, this man is a shed guy. And then there was three things that he might have done with his shed. One, he's lived in it for a month and hasn't left the shed at all, slept in there. And the other one, it's the fastest shed.

He broke the speed record for driving a shed. There were three options, but those were the two most feasible. And I was convinced. He looked like a bloke who slept in a shed, in a nice way. Yeah. But I thought this is a bloke who sort of just said, you know, I've given up on society and I'm living a shed. And Stevie was convinced he'd driven the shed.

Anyway, she won. Yeah. And then I remembered that I'd seen the shed on the fucking car park. Parked. Parked. And still hasn't got it. It was that fastish. Yeah, but you did get a massive laugh for that.

You just thought, what are the odds? What are the odds? It's the same guy. Also, you got a round of applause, and that doesn't happen that often. No. When you did, talked about Paddington. I know that was...

I love that. That was... It's an... The program is one where you feel if you want to express some kind of kindness or compassion. It will be approved rather than... Oh, I love that, though.

That's why I like it. It's got a very nice. love in the room kind of vibe. They wanted to laugh. I just wouldn't let them at first. You weren't making it easy for them. No, no, I was making it almost impossible. You gave them the ramp, Frank.

Yeah, I did. So, yeah, that happened. This week's been a bit strange for me because, you know, my car got stolen. Why does your car keep getting stolen? It didn't get stolen. It's been stolen twice. In about two years.

No less than two years. You know, it's a nice car. And you were... All right. You were forced to admit that you had a sort of rotting pineapple. Oh, yes. He found more. Anyway, they bought me another thing, this concept, the courtesy car.

What's it like the courtesy? It's a Toyota Yaris. Oh, thank. Which is nothing. It's a nice drive to Toyota Yaris. It's a nice drive and less nickable. How much you sound like Richard Madeley? Yeah.

My problem with it is... No pineapple. On the side in massive letters, it says autotech repair centre and a phone number. So people are seeing, people are like seeing me in sway, Frank. Like, oh. Poor Franks are doing an ad for living and for auto care repair centre. It's very Alan Partridge. I was going to say it's worse than cockpit.

Partridge. Oh, wow. Frank, that is so embarrassing. I remember when I lived in Birmingham. I think there were Vauxhall Astros and they used to say like Dave Willett BRNB or Radio Beacon or stuff like that.

And a bloke got a free car but he had to have his name and the radio station on the side. They probably think you're being paid. I'm sure they do. What if they think it's you and they show up and you'll repair their car? You work there.

They thought, God, it's only two. jokes on the last leg next time I saw he was flirting for autotech repairs. Yeah, they've got a lot of influence that show. I think it's very cruel to do that to celebrities.

That's funny. Well, you know, it's good to have a car. How long have you got auto tech repair on your car? Well, till I get my other car back. Oh, God, how the mighty are falling. I know. You can have a lot of fun there.

They must have got me. Ever since those a red, red bull cars that have a big can on them. Oh, yes. If you've got one of them, you've got to drive really fast all the time. Constant beeping and screaming. Yeah, because if you're just casually cruising around people, because that's rob.

That red bull. You want to be beeping, screaming, constantly pulling over for the toilet. I drive like a pensioner. I need to drive synachigen nerve tonic on the top of my car. Liver pills. Do you remember Sanatigen nerve tonic? What is a nerve tonic? It's sort of how they invented Coca-Cola.

What? I thought there was cocaine. Is that a urban myth that there was cocaine? They used to say they start. So the conversation stop. Porn, cocaine. I probably shouldn't have identified my car, but I have done. Well, it was already identified.

I was going to say, Frank, it's not like you're keeping it a secret. You're driving around with it. I know that, but it's also, when you get one of those cars, because you don't know, it's not your car, you go into the street and think, hold on, which one? one, you see? Not so with this. Not so. A bitter one with autotech. That guy's got an accidental celebrity endorsement. He must be delighted.

He's still in business. The idea of a celebrity driving around with his phone number on the side of the car. Yes, I'll do it. Under the... Oh, yeah. It's Frank off the radio. Frank off the radio. Frank off the radio. It's the Frankskinner podcast, don't you know.

Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via Frank Off the Radio at Avalonuk.com.