The Frank Skinner Show - Punch the Monkey

Episode Date: March 6, 2026

Frank and Emily are joined by Milo Edwards! This time Frank has been to a Dr Who screening and gets educated about Punch the Monkey. There's also correspondence from the Outside World about bingo and the Elvis movie. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Visit medcan.com slash moments to get started. It's Frank. So Frank's going to podcast, don't you know? Now we begin. The begin. This is Frank off the radio. I'm joined by Emily Dean and Milo Edwards. Follow the podcast on X and Instagram.

You can email the podcast via Frank Off the Radio at avalonuK.com. On the WhatsApp front, It's Frank off the radio and that posh lady. What's that person? You 745-7-4-1-7-1-7- Who's that? It sounds like I dated him briefly in the 80s. You might have done, judging by his name,

it's called Paul Pinfold Jr. He sounds very me. Very dangerous, mouse. Oh, well, that was... I liked it. So I did... I recorded... You know, I do like a radio...

I've noticed, by the way, on the clips. I'm constantly like robbing my chin like I'm really thinking about things. Oh, a bit sort of face-to-face interview. Yeah, I don't like it. I always think, are you going to get a rash if you keep doing that? Well, that's the trouble.

You're very, I was once wiping my nose. And Jenny left the clip in. I had to ring her and say, you know that clip you've put up on Instagram? I'm wiping some snot away in it. Now, that's all right. Please take it down. I think that is, I think people could do that as a role model from what I've seen on public transport.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jenny's playing to our kinkier listeners with that cutting of the, someone will be into that. Sorry, Jen. Some filthy boy watching this. That's my only fan's content. Yeah, don't give it away for free. Watch me wipe my nose with the back of my sweatshirt. When I was at school, that was part of what we used to call the number 11 on the top lip.

The number 11? Yeah, it was two. of mucus going down from the nostril. There was always one, I hate to say it, usually a boy in the class. Oh, you look upset that I've said a boy. But there was always one boy with... I'm just worried about, am I going to start heaving when you go into it? No, I just said, I'm saying no worse than what you said with the 11s.

There was always one boy with a runny nose. You must have had one. Yeah. I never forget him. It was the bobblers I can't live with. Oh, yeah, that's not good. Don't bobble it. No, that's disgusting

So yeah I do a radio four panel show Which I did last night It recorded too And Pierre Navelli was on it Who's that? Yeah Oh, okay

That's showbiz It wasn't at all awkward Good, because that's no offence But I'm surprised Because you might have made it awkward No, I don't I'm you know He's very on awkward

Pierre I would say Well also Is he on awkward or is he so constantly awkward that we don't know if this is awkwardness? I think he's immune to awkwardness. He's like the Terminator. I'm really pleased that it wasn't awkward, Frank. No, it wasn't awkward at all.

In fact, the producer phoned me up a few weeks ago and said, look, I was thinking a book in Pia Novelli, how is that with you? And I said, no, I'm fine with that, that's okay. It was good. He had his wedding ring gone and everything. Oh, yes, of course. So, yeah, it was nice, actually.

Very hot. Oh, I'm so pleased. I mean, my arms didn't go all the way around. And do you know why I'm pleased? Because as your mother-in-law recently told me, they've got that Anglo-Saxon connection. Well, that is true. You have got that Anglo-Saxon.

I thought I might get a bit of that from Milo, but I think he says the Anglo-Saxons is a bit modern. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I'm into the jutes. Yeah. Yeah. Well, but the jutes were part of the constituents. I think they were actually the same era, weren't they?

I should have said the icenei, or the pits. Just out of interest, because I'm always looking for nice friends for Frank. Do you know anything about, is it Anglo-Saxon? Is that your thing? I mean, it's much more Pierre's thing. But I do know a bit about it. Well, I think you know a bit about everything. It's how I think of you. I've heard of the Wittan.

You know, I dabble. What do you know about the Silurians? The Silurians? I actually know nothing about the Scylure. Are they on Doctor Who? They are on Doctor Who? But to be fair, to be fair, I think... You should want to catch him out.

No, I'm not trying to catch him out. Because it is a period. Do they fight the Romans? It is a period that the Silurian is, you know, is a... You call it an era, would you? Yeah, I don't think era is a technical term. I think you can sort of use it how you wish. Well, what...

So Taylor Swift term is what it is. What happened? They were in Doctor Who and they were referred to, they were like the original inhabitants of the earth and they've been sort of under the sea hidden away on the ground. But weirdly they can speak and they say, so, doctor. Yeah, well, no, they're posher than that. Oh, I like them now. They've got like a Georgian accent. How do they speak, the salurias? No, they speak too. I recall your.

Our last meeting with your doctor, I mean, they're all old rep. Well, I was going to say they had to make the characters like that because the only actors they could get to play them said, I'm afraid, I'm afraid, that's all I'll do. But all those guys who had been in Shakespeare and then had sort of fallen off the end of the popularity lorry. Did Alien Ambassador, so they'd be the older guy who came to speak to the representative.

of earthly authority. And dress like Anglo-Saxons for some reasons, even though their technology was like fast. Or pirate captain, a family friend of ours, was in Doctor Who. He was a bit embarrassed of it and he used to say, it's a Who, not a Hamlet, but it pays the bills. But Frank was very impressed when he was in it.

But the Silurians, they... It turned out then that it didn't quite work making them Silurian, from what had been said about them. They got letters in from people saying, how can they be Silurian? That was pre-dinosaur or whatever there was, they said, I don't know. So then John Putway suddenly in an episode,

someone says, so are we going to meet the Silurian? She said, yeah, looking back, it was a mistake calling them. I shouldn't have called them that. I should have called them the Eocene. You thought that's so big crammed in. We didn't know then. No, we didn't. That wasn't.

Silurian wasn't the preferred. term. Also, well, that has changed because the reason this was

in my head was that I went to a screening at the weekend of a thing called Warriors of the Deep

which is a 1984 Doctor Who story. And the Silurians are in it, but also

the sea devils. What I've liked it, Frank. No. The sea devils sound like a sort

jet ski display team. Well, the sea devils. Except 70s actors. It's been recently

who smoked a lot. That that is a racist term. The sea devil. The sea devil. What's devil? Racist are people from the sea? Yes. So they're now officially known as aqua-homo.

What? That sounds like it's got other problems. I haven't made that up. We've got to be racist or homophobic. We've got to pick one. And the gays are less scrappy. We're going for them. Sea devils is offensive.

How about something with homo in it? But who is sea devils offensive to? No one's from the sea. The showrunner felt that it, you know, it was a very negative term to a minority group, are you the sea devils? Right. Okay. So, yeah, they're aqua homo.

But they're nice people at the screening. He likes those screenings. Well, I like the Doctor Who people. I do, actually. I like the people. Don't get me wrong. I'll tell you what I like. Was it a Who's Who of Doctor Who fans?

There were some that I... I'll tell you what I like. There was a bit of cosplay going on. Okay. And I like my cosplay the way I like my karaoke. I don't like it to be too good. No. If anyone's too good, it's slightly spoils it, I think.

And it's like the old maths exams when I was at school. When they say, I want to see your working out. And that's what I want to see with the cosplay. I want to see what they've made and stuff. So, yeah, there was some, there was only a handful of people had gone down the cosplay route, but it's always impressive. Any sea devils? There weren't any sea devils.

Somebody did bring a Silurian head. Okay. Wow. Yeah. Criky. Did you just have interested? Did you go on your own? No, no.

I went with my son. Oh, lovely. I'm afraid of rain. I'm glad you went with your son as well. I also like my cosplay, like I like my karaoke. Locked in a bit of my son. booth with Japanese businessmen. Yeah, that would be, well, the Japanese love a bit of cosplay.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Goodness, you get to work at Comic-Con. I don't, but thank you. I do, of course. And it's, they wear this manga and anime cosplay, which is really... I don't know who any of the characters are, but they look fantastic. Anyway, this is not my...

I did quite fancy one of the Silurians. What? Isn't she a bit old for you? Yeah, well, you know, I said her about my... They're sort of my catchment area, and I've grown into the Silurian. I think she's Silurian. There's one called Madam Vastra. Turns like she owns brothel or something.

No, she's a sort of a... Hot Victorian detective. Okay. Oh, okay. With, who lives with her maid-stroke wife. Looking at a picture of her. It's very modern. That's a tough wife to be, isn't it?

Because you can't be like, I'm not the name. She looks like a lizard. No. Pardon? She looks like a lizard, doesn't she? Yeah, she's got, she's... You left that detail out. She's got a whole lizard face.

Well, I wouldn't. Why didn't you say that? She's reptilian. Oh, she's... Oh, blimey, yeah. I think you'll find she's homo reptilian. Yeah, but she looks great, don't you think? No.

Okay. If I was going to go outside my species, reptile would be my first, the first door I'd open. Oh, that wouldn't be mine. I would go bare. Would you? I love a bear. Too dangerous.

No, I think I'll get you on grinding. There's loads of them. I think I love a bear. I once had to pose naked. with the tortoise. He did for a play. I did. And I could feel the breath leaving its nostrils going onto my lower abdomen.

And it was cold, refreshing. And that would be lovely, wouldn't it, an act of love, if the person you're with is breathing out cold air. It'd be like having aircon going on. Oh, yeah, perfect. Yeah, not in winter, though. You'd have to have a different person. Yeah, that would be true.

Reptiles are the summer fling. You could just spin the whole thing round in winter. There's a farting warm air on you. Oh, no, you've said the F word. That F word offends me more than the traditional F word. Does it? I don't know why it is, but... Yeah, you're known for your sort of uptight and clean living.

Exactly. So it was four hours the Doctor Who event. Wow. Yeah. There was interviews. What happens if you don't have? I'm asking, when you say event, do people come on stage? Well, there's four 25 minute episodes.

There's people on stage like The Prop Maker and the man who mends the sound from the original TV. Okay, is that interesting? Yeah, fascinating is the word. And who chairs the discussion? Well, Dick Fiddy, who you know of old. There's a man called Dick Fiddy who's a doctor who, I think it's about to call him an enthusiast.

Well, he's a sort of... There's two of them that do it. There's a guy called Justin Johnson. Who I'm actually having dinner with tonight. Wait, so we've got Dick and Johnson. Here's the two. Well, the Dick thing, he said a lot. There's a quiz where you have to shout Dick, if you know the answer.

Right. And that sounds infantile, but after about two years, it feels right. Okay, yeah. Sorry, I've gone on a bit about this. I've probably lost most of the audience. No, I can hear about Doctor Who as long as you like that. You want to say anything that's a bit off colour. This is the time to say.

We've lost the crowd. Dick Fiddy would be. If you want to go BAFTAs, go for it. I think I would love to hear more about Doctor Who. You know, I always would. No, I don't, you know what, I love that Frank gets so much enjoyment out of it. I think that's lovely.

And you've made some lovely friends through that. I just struggle a bit with some of the production values of the older shows. And I don't like sci-fi. Other than that, you know. Yeah, it was made for you. Dick Fiddy would be an example of I used to date this American girl

whose mother had been quite a successful management consultant in the US and she kept a list of every man she'd met in her career who went by Dick and shouldn't have done and she got it out for me once and it was great it was like Dick Hardwood, Dick Blackwood Dick Cutts the Third

Dick Hurt's Dick Wimpy and I think we could add Dick Fiddy to that list I don't know what does Fiddy mean I don't know it just feels it's got It's got a phyty sense. It's got a euphemistic quality to it. Yeah. It's never occurred to me.

I'll ask him. No, don't ask him. Okay. Please don't ask him. Getting ready for a game means being ready for anything. Like packing a spare stick. I like to be prepared. That's why I remember 988, Canada's suicide crisis helpline.

It's good to know, just in case. Anyone can call or text for free confidential support from a train responder anytime. 988 suicide crisis Helpline is funded by the government in Canada Do we have any Alfrisco Mond? Yeah, sorry, I just got distracted Googling Madame Vastra and her wife. Alfrusco Monde sounds like another guy

who was speaking at the Doctor Who event. Yeah. He was restoring all the cellulose. Sorry, you can't smoke in here. Oh, it's fine, it's fine. They're only the light being H, it's fine. We've heard from 406. Yeah, consul.

They're menthol dear Dear Frank Emily and Honoured guest That's an upgrade Do they still have menthol cigarettes Well Simon Cowell used to smoke menthol cigarettes That was his thing And that's why he looks so good today He went on a mad health kick and smoked menthol

But they're clear that they all pipes out menthol There used to be one called consulate Consulate, do you remember those? Because the advert said cool as a mountain stream I mean, there was one called Moore. Do you remember more? Oh, yeah. How do you like it?

How are they spelling that? More, more, more. Yeah. Glenn Moore could have got a sponsorship for that. If it wasn't for the smoking ban. He could have been sponsored by that and by the Abbasid Caliphate. He's lost so much, Glenn Moore.

4.6, dear Frank Emily and honored guest, I went to an event last week that made me think that Frank might be the only person who would have hated it as much as I did. knowing his dislike for both games and dancing it was a game of bingo in itself the most pointless game ever and then for most of the numbers read out

the audience had to dance to the music played in their seats I've used this message as therapy to try and confront my trauma it's like the wheel yes well you know that's why Frank won't go on it because he loves Michael McIntyre and he loves the wheel

if he don't dance No, I can't quite. I mean, I don't agree that bingo is pointless because you win money usually from bingo. I used to go to the Roman Catholic Church bingo when I was a kid with my mom. I remember the jackpot was three pounds. I feel like it should be like a raffle prize rather.

It should be like some communion wine or, you know. And then I started, there was one in Kilburn in North London at a bingo hall called the same. state, I think it was cool. Did you go to that? I went a couple of times, and there was people arrive and they have their special board

that they clip their bingo books to, and they've got their felt pens and everything. It's very orderly. And there's no... You know when they say two little dogs 22 and none of that? All the trimmings was cut away. It was lean meat.

No fun. They just said the numbers very clearly, and people wrote them down. You couldn't talk. All you could do was smoke and mark off your numbers. You could have a menthol. We'd have a more.

I don't think anyone was on... I don't think I saw a filtered tip in there. You could have smashed that. You could have been like snot on a schoolboy number 11. Yeah. Do you know I've never been to Bingo? You've got to be there. You've got to be eyes on the prize.

You've got to want to win. Have you been? Because there's no entertainment to it at all other than... No, I was born after the Falklands War. It's never... It's never been on my radar. Were you born after the Falklands War? I was, yeah.

It's a shame. I really feel like I missed out. I think I just edged the back end of the Korean War. Oh, okay, yeah. Yeah, I mean, look, to be fair, it's solid war. Yeah, what war did you... The most recent would have been Narm, I would imagine. Narm, okay.

Yeah, I would imagine. Mm. Okay, yeah, yeah. You weren't there, you were busy being born. And not going to bingo. There was possibly some degree. of gore involved. I'm not saying I wouldn't enjoy the bingo, Frank.

It's just something I have no experience. The thing is, you have to be so quiet at the bingo because people are frightened that they'll miss a number. The idea of people singing into music or dancing to music that doesn't fit at all. But they were saying this was during the... Oh, no, yeah, they said when the numbers were read out. So maybe they were doing it in the manner of...

I've been to the dots, and you know when you have to do the dance to that? 180 or... No, it's not that. It's a special... song you have to dance to. Stand up if you love the dance? No, have you been? I went to the one at Ali Patti. I told you, I went and someone asked me to get a pint and he said

I'm afraid you can only order in four. You can't just have one pint. You being sent to the dance was like some kind of Frazier-style mix-up. Well, I'll leave these tickets to the dance right next to these tickets to the opera. What could possibly go wrong? It was like it.

But then they said... Phil the Power Taylor is sort of sat watching, you know, To buy the points. And I said, oh, I think it was two pints. And they said, oh, we only do the minimum amount of pints you can order is four. So I've never really come across any rules like this. I don't really order pints.

So I said, are you sure? And they said, yeah, it's four minimum, I'm afraid. So I had to order four. Four points. I presume, why would they do that? Is it just to stop the rush at the bar or something? Yeah, I don't know. Minimum of four, Frank.

A pint is huge. It would cut the cue in down, wouldn't if you're going away four at a time. It'd take me three days to drink a pint. What do they sing at the dark? It's the sky. I'm in the mood for darting. That's what they sing, queen. You have to punch your hands in the air.

Let's darts. That could work. That's what they sing. I could have darts all night. I might sing that next time. And you have to wear feather bowers and pink caps. At the darts? Honestly, have you not seen the darts recently?

It's really gone that way. It's much more sort of drag-place. Lots of hand-written signs. There's lots of like gladiators. I like the idea that people at the darts are drinking so many pints. They're getting them on like a wholesale, like cash and carry basis. Like there's a minimum order. Like you can't even, it's like a, you know, like a casino where at a certain table,

you've got a better minimum amount. Like you can't even go to the darts if you can't drink four pints at a time. Oh, God. You're excluded. Yeah, nightmare. Moving to four pints after T-Tocal is a lot. On gladiators, do you think they arrive with those handwritten signs or do you think they're given to them?

Because the people are holding up signs for some of the, let's say, the least popular gladiators that know what. You know, there's a whole... Who is the one? Go on, Simon. Doesn't even have a nickname. There's a whole band of sort of muscular filler in the gladiators that no one quite remember what? their name is. And they still

say people those signs, so I thought they might give them out when you were right. Yes, I think a production modern age. You know, there's a theory that sometimes there's a certain sign that you said they're homeless with, like Hungary and homeless, and they're all written exactly the same by some sort of Russian underworld thing that uses it

for money laundry. We have hired calligraphy experts to write these homeless signs. We need more signs. Trier ex-forces God bless. That one's really good. Works very well.

Yeah, ex-forces, but on the other side of the Cold War. Yeah. I always find, Frank, the other thing, and I believe you're all bit sensitive to this as well. I don't like it in a drama. I immediately lose confidence in the drama when there's a protest. My sister and I used to call it a Brookside protest. When you would see too many sort of signs made

that were just all perfectly written in sharp. Like eight people. Yeah, and eight people going, ugh. Yeah. I have to switch off. Sorry. Yeah.

Is there out else? Yes, there is. We've heard from, do you remember recently, you were talking about Epic, Elvis Presley in Concert. Oh, yes. And I heard Frank,

this is from Eddie and Colston, one of our regulars. Oh, okay. I heard Frank talking about Epic, Elvis Presley in concert. Colston to hear from you. So, it's going to catch on now.

you've said it. There I go. He's got the young demographic for us. Yeah, they don't want my phrases. No, I know, but if they hear them through... Next episode, the producers are going to have that handwritten signs that say Coulston. We're going to hold them up when something fun happens. Epic Elvis Presley in concert, saying he'd never put the word epic in a film title.

In this case, it might be a bit less risky as it also stands for the title of the film. Elvis Presley in concert. Have I stumbled into an idiotic eureka moment, or have I horribly misjudged the situation? No, I did not get that. It's very clever, isn't it? Yeah. Wow.

Is that real? That's not something he's imposed on it. Well, it's a bit of a coincidence. It is a coincidence, yeah. EPIC. There you go. Wow. If it's not a coincidence, it's crazy.

Milo, what if we're the first people, Eddie from Colston's to first person? who's worked that out, they might be listening to this. I wish it would have been great if it was later in Elvis's career when he'd gone completely feral and had to be kept in some sort of animal enclosure. And then it could have been an epipen. Elvis Presley in a pen for his own safety.

Anyone who says that big stentero... No more turnips. You say it stands where I was president. I'll rip off your goddamn head. I don't want all these people come. garpin at me. What am I the Tipton slashes monkey? Some guy's break who guys are bags?

Milo's picking up all the... He's good as well. I'm a student of the podcast. Oh, well done. By the way, talking monkey, what do you think of punch? You're a student, I'd say that. Frank, what do you think of Punch the monkey? Punch the monkey? Is that some euphemism?

No, is he called Punch, that monkey? Oh, yeah. The motherless monkey. Oh, don't it. Have you not seen it? No. Milo, I can't even talk about it, it makes me cry. Will you explain it to Frank? It's a whole phenomenon that's taken off. It's become a...

He's viral. I mean, he's not literally viral. Don't want to panic everyone. It's really upset a lot of women in the London area of this. There's a monkey. And men with feelings. To be fair, I... All four of us.

I've upset quite a lot of women in the London area of the year. And all of them are living with you. No, not all of them. It's sort of like the perfect geometric opposite of the Tipton Slashers monkey because the Tipton Slashers monkey was of course brutalised by his father and this is a monkey that's been brutalised by his mother. I don't, I can't bear it. So do you mean the mother, do you mean...

What happened? The mother rejected punch. Okay. He's an adorable... How do you say macac? How do you pronounce that, Malo? I would say macaque, yeah, but I don't... McCark, monkey?

McCarkway. Okay. Yeah. Because I'm going to find out how we pronounce that. I think it's macaque. Okay. Put money on the keys. I trust you too on pronunciation.

I trust you both with my life. No, but I once... I slept at London. Oh my God. I thought you were going to see you slept with a macaque. No. Not me. I mean, I read that autobiography, but I missed that,

and then abandoned it the next morning. Sadly going around with a teddy bear looking for Frank. If there'd been one at the stage door, it wouldn't have been out of the question. Anyway, come on. You know, I slept at London Zoo. Do you remember I did a sleep?

I do with your son and your wife? And I think we were introduced to the macaques. They're a lovely animal. But you know what happened? No, they were a local Scottish family. We were staying there as well. No, go on. So I don't get this.

So what happened? The reason he's gone, I mean, he's gone global. He's gone totally viral, isn't he? It's all everyone's been talking about because... Really? I've missed this. He got reject... Buzz will know all about it. Okay.

Ars buzz. He basically got rejected by the mother and there was footage of her physically pushing him away saying, I don't want anything to do with you essentially. I mean, I'm ascribing human emotions and words to her, but that's what it felt like. He ran away, I can't even talk about it. He ran away on his own.

We haven't heard from the monkey's mother. She hasn't allowed to speak up for him. No further comment at this time. Yeah. And the zoo gave him an orangutan, a toy orangutan that he could bond with. So that's why this has exploded. Not even a taxonomically correct substitute. It's inter-species.

And he's all this footage, and it's all by myself playing sad songs with him cuddling the orangutang. The zookeepers didn't need to put that on, to be fair. People have been going mad about it. They've been saying, punch the monkey can teach us about autism and how you feel sidelined. If you feel sidelined and you're autistic, you will relate to punch the monkey. Really? They can't be diagnosing monkeys with autism. No, and it's said, this is why punch displays a lot of autistic characteristics.

Where does Eric Carman all by myself come in? Is that blasted into his enclosure? I'm being rejected about my mother. Just to make him feel worse. They're really cracking it up. All by myself. I don't want to be. But we've now been getting the zoo of realise that he's...

What zoo is it at? He's the most famous creature in the world currently. He's sad mudang. Is the most famous creature in the world? Wow. That's quite a thing. I would say that's true. I would honestly say that's true.

I must admit, no, you come to it. I can't name another creature. King Kong was the last one who held that. Is that in that chair? King Kong. Yeah, but King Kong was fictional, so you can't care of that. They'd have had to give him a really big cuddly orangutan, quote. Yeah.

What was the last famous animal whose name we knew? Would you say? It would have to be, well, I'm afraid. I'm afraid it's very sad. Oh, no. I'm afraid. It was the gorilla who I'm afraid his life was ended. I don't even want to talk about it.

I don't remember that. Yeah, I'm afraid it was awful. I've really lost touch with the Animal Kingdom. Another. The Animal King. What about that gorilla that drank 15 points of undiluted ribena? Do you remember that? Was it at the dots?

What happened? We won't sell you less than 15 pipes, mate? Don't you know about that? No, he got out. of his, it wasn't a cage, it was like a...

Well, don't try and make it sound less cruel because you're embarrassed that we reported the story. Oh, okay. A gorilla gazebo. And, I like the idea

of the guerrillas arrived and you're like, oh, we've not got a cat and fine, we'll just go down to home base. He escaped. He was in the enclosure at London Zoo.

He escaped. He was called Kung Buca. He didn't actually escape, escape, though. He got into a side room. I like the technicalities. Well, it wasn't out of monster public.

That would have been a bigger story. There's a sort of gorilla green room in it, before the guerrillas come out. The problem was the ribina was undiluted, and that's what we like, that it's the problem is it was undiluted. They didn't put the water in it. I would just like, just like to have watched it,

give it 24 hours, I'd like to have watched it have one piss to see how purple it was. That would be brilliant. He drunk five litres and then, didn't he go slightly, he went a bit postal, didn't it? He was called something like Camber. Tomboca. Yeah, it was.

But what did he do, Frank? Did he just run a bot? No, he was fine. They can take, they can take the ribina. Their ribena resilience is hop amongst the ice creatures on the planet. What happens when you look up punch? Google even does this. Oh. I've missed punch utterly. Yeah.

It's a huge story. Does he ever fight a crocodile with a big wooden stick? Have I got the wrong punch? Yes, you know. Honestly, ask Buzz about it. You'll know all about Punch the monkey. I don't care about Ponty. He's all right.

He's in a zoo. He's being looked after, isn't he? Yeah. There's plenty loneliness amongst our own species. Yeah. I don't like monkeys, that's my... Why not? I've got a friend who doesn't like them

because she says they're too human and she feels freaked out when she looks at them. Yeah, they're weird. I don't like the cut of their jib. Don't you? No. Well, Frank had a very intense experience with a gorilla, Milo, which you may not know.

How many pints of rabbin who did you have? It was a chimpanzee. They shared a really special moment. Okay. He looked at him in the eye, didn't he, Frank? It was at a place called Monkey World, which is in Dorsi. That does what it says on the tier. Yeah.

Guys, what are we going to call it? Yeah. And when they first arrived, there's a sort of a decompression chamber where they live until they can be allowed with other monkeys. So they don't get the bends. Yeah, so they don't. rip each other to pieces. Often they've been treated very cruelly.

Okay. And so there was one, there's the window on this thing, and this chimpanzee was looking through the window, and I looked at the chimpanzee, and I realised it was really staring at me, and I stared back, and I could hear people saying, oh God, look at a bloke with that chimpanzee.

And I thought, that bloke, you know, why fucking am? But anyway, I carried on staring. Is that that bloke from the 90s? And it looks exactly. And they said no. And they said, no, no, it's a chimpanzee. And perhaps they thought it was me just looking into an empty thing

and that was my reflection. It was like a picture of Dorian Gray. That was my inner being. But anyway, it must have lasted, I don't know, two and a half minutes. I was just staring into the eyes of this chimpanzee. They're really connected with you. An eye with it.

Yeah, you really said that as though it was up to the chimpanzee how long the eye contact lasts. Yeah, well, exactly. You were a passive participant. I was. It was 50-50, I must admit. You know, I haven't got a fucking postcard, nothing since. But that's why you might slag off them. You might slag off the monkey, but you get a lot back from them.

That's why Frank and I like them in the zoo. Not these other animals. Well, they're bad mothers. Well, they're those creatures of the night ones where you get nothing. What I liked about it is its breath was steep. you mean up the window. Oh, it's like Titanic. Why does that happen in Titanic?

Yeah, you know when they're in the car, they're like shagging in the back of the car on the ship and then their breath has steamed up the window and then you get like a hand on the window. No, there was none of that. Could have been a hand, could have been a foot. So hard to tell. They're very dexterous monkeys is what makes them such a good shape.

That's why he likes them. They might be bad mothers, but at least like human mothers, they don't say, God's sake, I've only got one pair of hands. No, you haven't. Oh, well, that's been educational. The Punch the Monkey info?

Punch the Monkey does sound very rude. Very unfortunate, doesn't it? Exactly. Oh, do you think that's why they've given him that name? I don't know. They seem nice, kind people at that scene. I'll be down in 10 minutes. I'm just going to punch the monkey.

Oh, no. That was what the Tipped and Slashers said. Exactly. Yeah, why he's at the bottom of the stairs and the monkey will be down in 30 seconds. Oh, right. It went down a stone stairwell. Oh, Frank, why do you tell us that?

I can't even handle Punch the Monkey. You didn't mind that? Sounds like a fairground game. Hang on, he was going to say, you didn't mind what? Well, the Tipton Slasher punched human beings very, very hard indeed. That was his job. No one minds that. He punched one monkey.

It's a big deal. You punch one monkey, suddenly you get a reputation. T-shirts. Exactly. It's political correctness gone mad. Yeah, there's no t-shirts with these bruised opponents on.

It's all just the monkey. They didn't stoff any of the bare-knuckle fighters and put them at the Black Country Museum. Do you reckon there's a support group of the Tipson Sashes bruised opponents? I hope so. That monkey gets all the press. It would have to be their descendants.

Yeah. It wouldn't be any of them there. They're still campaigning for justice. They want a public inquiry. He had one of his legs bent the other way, I think. He was known as the Tipton Slash. He was known as old Kaye legs because when he took his boxing stance, his legs looked like a K.

Oh, blimey. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. He'd have been a helpful substitute during a YMCA. He was like a central dance. Donald Trump would have loved him. Why old K-Legs?

Yeah, because he loves the YMCA, doesn't he? Oh, he does. His favourite song, he does the actions and everything. Does he do the actions? Yeah, I've seen him doing it. I didn't know he had that level of literacy. As soon as that music comes on. It's a great, is it a good or a bad song for the dyslexic YMCA?

I think it's, I've done it. I mean, we did it so often in Birmingham in the 70s and 80s. We were doing it in joined up writing. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. A new winter change is blowing It's the Frank Skinner podcast I'm not totally sure how it's going Thanks for listening to the podcast

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