The Frank Skinner Show - Registrar's Ink

Episode Date: May 16, 2025

In this week's podcast Frank has been to the Golden Lobes and has some news to share with the team... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Instacart groceries that over deliver. It's Frank of the Radio featuring him and that posh lady-o and the one with the French name from South Africa came, they're all here, open brackets, hooray! Close brackets today! Hey, this is Frank of the Radio. I'm joined by Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. Yes. Follow the podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via Frank off the radio at AvalonUK.com. Avalon. That's not on the end. I just repeated it for my own enjoyment. You can WhatsApp us on 07457 417 769.

You've changed that every week. Yeah. Well, I can't remember what it was last week. No. Four one seven, seven six nine. He's changed that every week. Yeah, well I can't remember what it was last week. Listen, a funny thing happened to me on the way to the theatre. Oh, what happened? I was walking down Mayrood and I saw the actor Robert Powell. Jesus of Nazareth. I wasn't swearing he was. No, he played Jesus of Nazareth. Yeah. I wasn't swearing he was. No, he played Jesus of Nazareth in the 1970s.

Franco Zeffirelli TV movie. And I thought, oh, I once met Robert Powell. In fact, I think I met him a couple of times. I met him at the charity cricket match before I did comedy even. And I queued up to get my photo taken with him and he was incredibly nice but we have a local sort of whatsapp local news thing in our road and a couple of people said Robert Powell shouted at my dog on the Heath or something like that so I thought well if I catch up with him I might say hello, but I was a bit...

Anyway, he was crossing the Zembrah crossing, I was crossing over him and he saw I was crossing behind him and he suddenly went, oh yeah that's fine! And what happened is the woman on a bike had gone across the Zembrah crossing ahead of like a cross. God, he frightened the hell out of me. I thought he was on the phone. I thought he was shouting at that woman. Oh yeah that's fine and of course she's an actor. You know I used to do a bit about people sometimes say hello to me in the street. Oh I don't know they just you know recognize me from things and they'll, Frank, and I'll go, because I'm not ready to speak, but he was straight in. And I thought, you know, sometimes when people in everyday life anger me and I get really worked up about it, I think, you know, if any of them was a, I think what would Jesus do? That's not going to help anymore.

Not what Robert Powell would do, it turns out. Oh man. Well maybe he was having his moneylenders temple moment. We all have one of those. Maybe he was. Happily there was an address at the table. So did you approach Powell after that? No, did I? Because like, you're joking.

No, I should have more trepidation to approach Jesus on the judgment day. He was also in the 39 steps of course. Was he? Oh, I thought you'd be interested in that. You like that because there's a sort of mystery detective element involved. The religion, not so much though. Did you notice that Frank? No, the 39 steps, I don't think they had a zebra crossing.

No. Anyway, we had a works out in, didn't we? We did. We went to the Golden Lobes. Yes. Which some people, I mean, I know, but they might not have even heard of the Golden Lobes. Oh yeah, do you want to explain? Well they are the sort of comedy podcast awards.

There are quite a few. Yeah. So they're one of the comedy podcast awards. Yes. Are there others? I don't know. There are. Oh, there's hundreds. Well, the mainstream is starting to incorporate podcast awards into their... The Golden Globes themselves are going to start awarding.

They haven't called me. Well, the Golden Globes are going to start putting a podcast category in the America next year, I think. The Golden Globes? Yeah, I know. There's some sort of parody of the Golden Globes. I'm not really sure. Yeah, exactly They've jumped in quick. A bit early for a development. Chill out guys. This felt like, I thought what a cool young crowd Frank. Yes. But nevertheless you and I were there. Yes well I, the cool young crowd thing was one person, two women won an award for the

funniest tangent of the year. Yeah? Yes. And which I thought was a really funny idea for a category when a subject usually changes and we were up for that. And one of the women was Esther Monito. Yeah. Oh yeah. And she got the award and it was lovely up there. I'd rather we'd won it but obviously

we didn't. But you know we went by the stage and we clapped. We were right at the front of the stage and we clapped and she said, I am so happy to beat Frank Skinner. And I thought, oh. I thought that elder statesman status, I think the sell-by dates hit, and it's turned to hatred. I think it was meant more in achievement, in a self sense. I spoke to her after, and she was very nice. And it was good we had a selfie but at the time I did think oh god why am I here all these young people think get away from us jabber the heart of comedy. Oh yeah well I was already feeling a bit like one of

the golden girls walking into Coachella everyone and Pierre it was quite nice seeing Pierre he was a bit in his element because he's all his people did you feel that? They're definitely his people. Room full of nerds. Yeah well I bit in his element because these are all his people. Did you feel that, Frank? They're definitely his people. Roomful of nerds. Yeah. Well, I didn't want to say it, but lovely nerds. Roomful of audio nerds. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Do you know what I felt Frank and I were like? You know that bit at the 18th birthday party

when the parents, there's an unspoken agreement, they'll come for 20 minutes and then they'll make their excuses and leave. Like a good news of the world reporter said the vodkas and vapes can come out. That was us, Frank. Maybe we should have talked that. We stayed too long. No, people were excited that we were there. Frank got a lot of love. Well, you got more than a lot of love, Frank Skinner, what did you get? Well, this is an interesting point, I think, because I, out of nowhere, we didn't win either app. We were nominated

for Fonny's podcast and Fonny's tangent didn't win it. But there was a thing where they said, right, we've got a special award and it's called the Loeb's Legend. And it's for a lifetime of service to comedy. This guy started in the 90s and all that. I thought, I wonder who this is? I was looking around. Did you really not know? No, because these things you're always told, right, in advance for lifetime achievement. So you can do your big speech, you know, your emotional speech. So then he said, you know, and he was on TV, then he had 15 years as a radio host and I thought, no. And then he said, it's behind the microphone as an audio performer that is really fat struck gold.

I thought, you haven't seen the pay. Frank, they went down on everything. But anyway, so I went up and it was the first ever Loeb's legend. Up I went. And they gave me the award and I did a little speech. Got a few laughs. You did a lovely speech. I can't remember what it was because obviously I didn't prepare anything.

You said you were delighted to be there, Simonito. Yeah, exactly. I remember what you said. What if I'd been really furious and said, yeah, it'd be a fucking cold day in hell with Monito with me. If you just jabbed every single table with your fingers saying, in your face. Really ungracious and strange. We'd done a TV show together as well, me and Esther.

I know, but we have to move on. Listen, can I make it clear, it was all sorted and she was lovely. I remembered something you did say. I remember that you said, I've got advice to you young people, don't die. Oh yeah. That was the advice you gave in terms of... Just keep going and eventually they'll start throwing awards at you. Yeah.

In the way that people, you know, threw flowers onto Princess Diana's coffin. Oh Frank, such a weird comparison to make. Anyway, so it was nice. It was a complete surprise to me. I'd gone up and a lot of people, including Esther, came over and said, you know, well done and had photos and all that. Esther and it was nice and I got home that night actually Emily Dean kindly gave me a lift home which is very exciting. I did especially as when you came and sat down on the table first

thing you said to me and Pierre well I don't want to sit with you two losers anymore. So I go home my my family were in you know in bed asleep the dog you know when you put the when the dog's been sleeping for a bit you get in you put the lights on the dog dog looks at your terrible squinty eyes. I thought, wasn't it? I've been put to bed. They look at you like that. I threw a fire or something. It's like put to bed. The Chilean miners coming out for the first time. Exactly. So I got in and I sat down and I thought, well, you know, Golden Lobes legend, all this is nice. And then I thought, weird though, they didn't tell me

this is nice and then I thought weird though they didn't tell me before mmm and I thought also weird that the award that they actually handed me had had best scripted written on it oh no and I thought it's also quite weird it wasn't in the brochure that Loeb's legend and then I thought I've got this for fucking turning up. I've turned up. I've turned up and they've thought oh man, fuck, Frank Skinner's here. What? Look at this shitty old golden, yes. Frank, that is so rude. We were excited when Monito turned up, but now Skinner's here. We got to give him some, it's not even in the brochure, fuck the brochure, get an award. We don't have an award, give us best scripted. He's not turning up.

And I am absolutely 100% that that's what's happened. Come on, look at the evidence. I'm no Poirot. So you think that they went, they saw that you'd actually come and they went, shit. I'll tell you what happened, Frank. If they keep that award and do it next year, can they change it to the turning up award? It did have the slight energy of, oh no, guess who's just dropped in on Christmas Eve, go upstairs and wrap up an old pair of socks. Exactly. It was re-gifted. It was re-gifted. It was best scripted and it was re-gifted.

Do you think, what if they renamed it in your honor as the inaugural? The Frank Skinner... The Frank Skinner presents award. Hang on guys, this is actually a great idea you've come up with. Frank Skinner, he had a boss pass anyway. It cost him nothing. He got a lift home. Award.

Hang on, this is actually a great idea. They should have an award at every ceremony where you are rewarded for turning up. That would make great people come. Look me in the eyes. I'm right, aren't I? I can't do that, in the eyes. I'm right aren't I? I can't do that I'm afraid. I'm right, there's no doubt in my mind. I sat alone in my kitchen. Being squinted at by a dog.

Yeah and I thought of all those people had come and had photos with me and stuff. I thought shit, I've been humiliated. Do you think that's why your dog was squinting at you? To say, you didn't script anything. Going golden lobes, it looks to me like they're scripted. I mean, I'm, you know. Hang on. At what time in the day do we think this decision was made?

Do we think that... I think when I was seen to be in the room do we think this decision was made? Do we think that... I think when I was seen to be in the room. No earlier than that. When you were seen to be in the room? Absolutely no doubt. It was totally there about me turning off. My manager phoned me the next day and said, I wanted to congratulate you on the... Did he know, John?

No. No, John said, I'm... He said, I'm quite angry about it They always tell you about these things in advance and I said I've got a theory So is Poppy the dog the only person who could have let us know in advance was Darren Brown But you know what it's right, I think you may Oh Frank, but you know what? It's right, isn't it? I think you may.

No, I haven't, mate. As they say in French, literally translated, I think you have reason. No, it's right. Pierre, he'll be straight, if you know what I mean. Not in the brochure. Did it really say best scripted on it? I swear it's the best scripted. Did it?

Oh. He said to me, I'm sorry we don't have the right thing, but we couldn't afford the... You know what? Couldn't afford the... They run out of the lie. The lie at the end couldn't quite complete the lie. Becomes noises. Yeah, well they started to say we couldn't afford the... and then all the... every adult

telling them not to lie when there were children in their head, stuff. They go... I can't say it. Like someone saying, sorry I'm late I was... Nothing anyone can say will convince me that that isn't exactly what happened. The evidence is overwhelming. If that's what happened then... There's no if. Let's get rid of the if. Okay my interest is in when the decision was made because surely not as you came in. Because they knew we were coming. Well you can never be sure anyone's turning up until they've turned up.

So literally. They don't give these awards for nothing. You think they'd have a reserve award if they were so worried? What, a reserve award for promising to turn up but not quite making it? Or just to have a stock of emergency awards. A reserve award, people don't normally knock on. If it was the bloody BAFTAs you think someone would be saying, take the eye out of that mask will you? We'll give him that.

It's the fact that it said best scripted. You're right. Yeah that's... Wasn't in the brochure. Wasn't in the brochure. No one told my... No one from your management team knew. ...told my agent.

Yeah exactly. Because Frank was saying, did anyone know about this? Your publicist was there. Is it true that people get that much forewarning? Yes. Okay, so that is the end. For a lifetime achievement thing. Yeah.

You have to go up and do a speech about saying, you thank people. That's why I didn't thank anyone. He didn't thank us, I noticed. But it doesn't matter. Anyway, that's what happened to me. I was palmed off with someone else's award because they didn't turn up. That's why their best scripted was lying around. Who was best scripted then? Someone I'd never fucking heard of. Was that Welsh? Oh, don't get me wrong. I'm sure he's grey. He was a Welsh guy and they played that video. Yeah, it all looked good. I'm not blaming him.

No, no, sure. It was interesting that he couldn't turn up. I turned up and I got his... I should have not let it go. I'd have had to come around my house. Do you think it was when the organizers saw you come in or do you think they saw one lying around in the ward and they thought, we can't have that going begging? Look, I turned up and they thought, we've got to give him summer.

You make yourself sound so pathetic and sassy. I swear, it's like, you know, it's like when the light, the very last, nearly 10 to 11 trick or treaters turn up, you think we've emptied the bucket, what have we got in the fucking cupboard? Right, so you think you've got a Halloween packet of double A batteries? I think I've got that chocolate bar that had been there since Easter. Some grapes. You've got unlimited access to music.

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for details. Value is for illustrative purposes only. Listen, I've got something else to tell you. What? Which is a bigger story. Oh. Was it that? I think than that. Did it happen that night? Can you brace yourselves?

Okay. Oh, God. I mean, that was bad enough. You'll never guess what I did on Monday. What? I got married. What? Anyway, what else? It's only readers' letters.

What? Don't be... What? I got fucking married. What? I know. You did it? What?

I know. Look, it? What? I know. Look, don't be offended. We didn't invite anyone. Was it just you and Kerr? Oh my God, this is such lovely news. What do you think we are, Mormons? No, but did Buzz go? Yeah, Buzz was a witness.

Oh my God, I feel like crying. This is the loveliest news. We're only allowed witnesses. We got married on the stairs, not in a room, but on the stairs at Camden Town Hall. I'm not crying, this is the loveliest news. We're on the load witnesses. We got married on the stairs, not in a room, but on the stairs at Camden Town Hall. I'm actually crying. Oh, I'm so sorry, but it's so tough. I said to Kath, you know, will you marry me? And she said, I'm not having a fucking party. I said, you don't know. She said, I don't want a load of guests and I'm not going in

the church. I don't want to ring, not wearing a stupid fucking white dress. So it went on. I'm not doing this. And I said, I'll forget it. And then about two weeks later... That's a lovely proposal story. Two weeks later I said, okay, we'll do it your way. Oh. And on the morning we went for a walk on the... I'm crying. I'm sorry. I'm really happy. That's what we started to avoid. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm really happy. Yeah, that's what we're trying to avoid. Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm joking. I am happy. I felt bad for the friends. I would have invited everyone to meet that. Can we not have a party of some sort? That's what we can't have. Oh, why? I might talk her into it.

I'm working on it. Anyway, we went for a walk on the heath on the morning and she said, I said, why are we doing this? Why are you doing this? She said, I don't know, shall we not do it? I said, I don't know, we're gonna be upset, aren't we? The witnesses. The witnesses, it's not a murder trial. We haven't told anyone else to be upset.

And we actually, we did think, shall we not bother? I said, I said. we did think, shall we not bother? The thing that no one ever says about getting married is quite embarrassing. Is it? Why? Well he's got it all to come, Pia. Oh God, sorry. Let me rephrase. He won't mind. Look, you know, how can I put it? It's a bit basic, getting married. Seems a bit basic getting married. And we...

Seems a bit obvious. But listen... Go on, what's basic about it? Look, you're a young man setting out on a life. We've been together, you know, twenty odd years. You're a young man, aren't you, Cat Stevens? I can't... Cat's not going to wear a big white fluffy dress. Anyway... Hang on, but I've told you before, what about the white forgiving trouser suit and the angry

stepchildren looking on? Lovely. Yeah, well, we had our child there. I mean, I think you have to have them now to modern marriage. It's like something old, something new, something barren, something blue, and your children. Anyway, we entered up the stairs at, we walk up the stairs, me and Kath, and they said to Buzz, just plug your phone in there and you can play the music. So we entered to lie dream of a casino soul by the fall.

But I have to say- Everyone at the registry thought, not this again, not this track again. No, but I've got to say, that sounds gimmicky, that sounds like getting married by Elvis in Vegas, but in fact the four meant so much to me and Kath when we were in our early days. So it was actually quite an emotional thing. What did Kath wear? Am I allowed to know? She just wore a flowery dress. She moaned about that. I said, you can't have leggings. I bet Kath had a lot with her

rucksack. Well Kath said to me, I said at least when she was stripping away all the things we couldn't have at the wedding, I said can you at least wear, she said I'm not changing my name. I said I don't expect you to change your name. That's fine. I'm not saying a bay. I said, no, I'll say a bay. But she said, I said, but please a ring, a ring such as... She said, no, I'm not wearing a ring. She said, I don't wear jewelry, which is true. No, she doesn't. She said, if I wear a ring, I'll feel trapped. Yeah. I said, you'll be married, you're supposed to feel fucking trapped. That's what it symbolises.

It's like a shackle. I'm so sad we missed out on the speech. But the thing is... It's like a shackle by Frank Skinner. You're supposed to feel trapped. But the difficult... Now this was the most difficult thing and this just isn't me and Kath.

Right. What you have to do is hold hands, both hands and face each other. That's very on you. Like we're going to do the Gay Gordons. Yeah. I don't know if you've ever danced the Gay Gordons. I have. Yeah.

And you know you stand and hold. Yeah. I have yeah, you know you stand and hold yeah what I mean Catholic You know we don't hold hands. No, I mean, you know as I get older The gay gardens is a clip as a Kaylee for any listeners who might think that they are some neighbors of yours Scottish real. Yeah, you do it at a Kaylee and Scotland where real music matters And that's not related to Instagram In Scotland where real music matters. And that's not related to Instagram. No, no, no.

So that was difficult. We had to look each other in the eye and we're both going, I know she's thinking, why are we doing this? Anyway, I'm holding both her hands. I mean, come on. It's like a fucking seance. And then we had to repeat the vows. You know, the last time I took vows, I told you I was renouncing Satan and all his empty promises.

So there I am saying, you know, promising to not shag other women. Not in so many words, but to be faithful and loving and all that. And then... It ruined the whole thing. One thing Cathy isn't great at is PDAs. No, she doesn't like that. And then it says, there's two women doing it who are lovely and really nice and very accepting of the fact that we had green day while we signed the register.

That was Buzz's choice. But she said you may kiss the bride. And I kissed Kath, I'm not kidding you. It was like kissing a reluctant employee under the mistletoe. That was, that was, I thought, you're my wife now. I thought you were going to say she took advantage of May, kissed the bride. Not obligatory. Yeah, I suppose I could. But if I had said, I won't bother, then I'd still be in the dog house. Anyway, the wedding ended.

We played the container drivers by the fall. What was the celebrant? Was it a celebrant you had or? Well it's two women who work at, I mean there's one bit during the, I was saying you know what, I promised to blah blah and we heard a hand dryer come on really loudly one of the toilets and someone saying, Dave, Dave have you seen, I thought, I thought it wouldn't be true to our relationship

if there wasn't some shouting involved. That's the thing about the registry office, the daily bureaucracy and admin will sometimes creep in. Anyway, the coda to this is we just got married, we walked out of Cams and Tonal. When we had arrived, we actually sat with our witnesses in a outside bar, like a beer garden, and I had a Coca-Cola. It was lovely. Hot. When we opened the doors post our marriage, there was an absolute thunderstorm. There was hail, lightning and I said I don't normally believe in elements but I mean it was like God was saying that's the end of the sunshine. It was did you see it last Monday? Yes. I was like a weird... I mean it was unbelievable. But it was oddly brief.

It was only for that... And it was only on Camden Town Hall. I did wonder why that big finger came out of the clouds. Yeah, exactly. It pointed towards Hampstead. Yeah, with no ring on it. And they were playing at Verdi's Requiem. Oh man.

So then we're looking for a cab. We're all getting wet. And I thought, shit, I've left the balcony doors open. At home, this is, yeah. And I thought, oh, now we're going to be flooded. Anyway, I got back, I hadn't, but in the bedroom, the water had come through the roof, it was so, and the bed was utterly soaked. No.

I'm almost saying. The marital bed. Yeah. I mean, I always hoped my bed would be wet on my wedding night. Oh, Frank. You ruined everything. No. But, oh man, it was, that gods, you have displeased the gods. Gosh, yeah. I thought, don't give me the warning now. This is like, I was moaning about seeing Captain America Brave New World.

Don't say contains violence, action, now we're in the cinema. Are you saying that bad omens are like buses? Two come along at once? It's like watching a TV series and at the end of it saying by the way that program contained attitudes and language which may no longer be acceptable. It's too late now, I've seen it. So now we're married. Oh Frank, what fabulous news. I'm so happy. I think this is lovely news. Thank you. And was Buzz, did he enjoy the whole thing? Yeah. Yeah, I think Buzz did. You know, he got to sign the register and stuff.

You can say he's DJ'd at a wedding, huh? It's quite interesting. You'll like this bit here. I think you both will. There's a thing called Registrar's Ink. Oh, yeah. And it's an ink that you use in the pen which gets darker rather than lighter with time and there's only one company that is allowed to make it. Is that right? So they've cornered the market on Registrar's Ink.

Gosh, darker. I'll tell you what it felt like because we've been together 24 years. You know when you, there's that cupboard that you've got a lot of rubbish and stuff in. And you'd never get around to tidying it. And then one day you tidy it. And the next time you go past you think, I wish I hadn't tidied it. I liked it when it was just a mess.

And then two days later you think, no actually, I like it being tidied, it's a good thing. That's how it's been. Oh I love that then. Once you got over the omens. Did you take loads of nice photos? I'll be totally honest with you and I said this to Kath, the night before we got married I lay in my bed thinking if she fucks off and takes my money I could end up in a piss

covered bed in a council care home in my eighties with no money and nothing. I think that is, wow, weird. I did, but what's great about our relationship is I could have those thoughts and come down and tell Kath on the morning of our wedding and she'd say yeah I know what you mean and then we're still going to get married. We were all right with that It was the olden hands looking at each other we didn't like But I forgot Pierre you were getting married

Obviously this is I'm talking about two people have been together years and they're older It's not like two young people setting off on a great adventure of life. It's still a bit basic, but even so. Also, I remember PSA to me, he didn't like holding hands. Yeah, it's true. It's going to be the hardest part of the day. Are you still not a hand? Get some gloves. Yeah, well, I might get some sort of tailor's dummy hands and sort of have my own hands in my pocket.

I'll do. Big felt. Big felt. You can get those tiny ones that people use. Yes, there's really small wooden ones. I'll use them on Instagram Reels. I'll do my suit. Little tiny wooden hands. Spoons coming out of your suit. Yeah, like long wooden spoons. I'll tell you what, I love you so much, Pierre. You just keep your arms at your sides. I'll put my arms through and do all that. Make you smoke a cigarette. Every now and then let you waggle a finger. Yeah, so I'm not condemned. Just for us, you know, it's very hard.

So am I allowed to ask why? Was it just because you thought why not? Well, I've been asking him why ever since, so I don't know why you shouldn't die in me. I don't know why. How lovely. I just thought, well maybe I've got too much money, I'll give her half at about five years' time. Wow. I don't know why we got married. In about five years' time.

It wasn't even like a tax thing or anything anything because I'm not planning on dying any time soon and by the time I do die, reform will be in and there'll be no inheritance tax. That's true. So we've got that to look forward to. Yeah, there you go, that's the news. You could write for the FT. That's this week's The Rest Is Politics. Yeah, probably more truth in that second than the one on that six months of that was punk episode. Anyway, that was that.

Oh, how well let joy be unconfined. Yeah, well I think what's great is that somebody made up an impromptu second hand award for me was not my big news of the week. And so you're not wearing rings, both of you? No, because she doesn't want to feel trapped. Okay. I think that ship has sailed, guys. Yeah, exactly. I don't know. I would have liked the ring thing, you know I find in a marriage in any relationship I don't know what marriage is like to be honest but in a relationship I think the

best thing to keep you together is that one of you decides early on that you're the doormat because if you're both gonna be arguing for your own way it's gonna be endless feud. I've just thought, oh, right. Do you know what I mean? Do it. And if it's a really big thing, I'll argue, but mainly I give in. Okay.

Good night. No, it's not the end. Which one are you, Pierre? I mainly just agree and then I have my red lines. Yeah, you've got to be a bit careful. You just have to have a few reserve areas. Okay. I mean, if we were the New Avengers, he would be autistic Hulk.

Yes, yeah. So you don't want to get him angry. The Hulk, but when he's in that half transformed mode where he's still somehow a scientist, he's got his glasses on. Oh, that's my favorite Hulk mode. I love Hulk in that mode. He's got his glasses on. Oh, that's my favorite Was telling me that part of his or I hope I'm not I'm giving this away to your wife to be Part of his or I think he's part of your autism isn't holding hands He's got like I can't stand it

Yeah, and it's caused so many problems in relationships over the years because no one believes you and you say no No, I just hate holding hands and they go. Okay, And you go, no, it's not you. It's just a thing. And they go, okay. It's the sensation thing, a sensory thing. But now you've been diagnosed, if I may say. I think people will be a bit more accepting of that. Yes. But yeah, it's like having a license. I think you'll find I'm not lying. Unless it's different. If you're at Camden Town, they'll

just say old hands because you're near a stairway at your age. Can you just clip onto this harness? We've got all these carabiners for you. Did you get into the chair and go, mmmm, and I'll walk to the ballester. No but I think, I don't know if it's standard ceremony, I was in the produce. You do have to hold hands and look at each other, hold both hands. Oh man. But I know what you mean Frank, and again again, we say this with love, Pierre, but the whole basis of the traditional wedding ceremony and the vows and all that, it is quite Clinton's cards.

Yes. Do you know what I mean? A lot of it. I was embarrassed by the holding hands and so was Kat. We don't hold hands at home. It's a bit performative. Why do we want to hold hands at Camden Town Hall? But like I say, by the way, in case anyone's confused, when I mentioned Pierre's autism,

Pierre has written a book about being autistic. I know there are levels of autism which he's really, really not, but it has made him a very unique man So and he's fine with talking about written a book about it, but holding hands on the day. I thought hold it 24 years you and cast decided to get married. What was on your mind? Pierre. And the problem of it all, that's so sweet. My little wooden hands. When you're trying not to catch your loved one's eye during the wedding service. It's natural for autism to occur.

You think it was. Anyway, thanks for taking it so well. I'm sorry you guys weren't invited. It wasn't my fault. But at some point down the line, we'll have a celebration. And of course, you'll both be there. But don't tell the staff, oh no, they're in the room. Anyway, anyway, it's not all about me. I don't say that very often. On the next show, Suzy Roffel is on, the fabulous comedian, and we'll be interviewing her, so tune in for that. I'm going to go out and put the dishwasher on. It's Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio, it's the Frank Skinner podcast, don't you know?

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