The Frank Skinner Show - Remump

Episode Date: October 28, 2024

As well as sharing the joys of the Freedom Pass Frank tells Emily and Pierre about one of the best nights out of his life. They get nostalgic for Sooty and Sweep and Frank does a good deed to prepare himself for when the crisis hits. Email the team [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Beads of sweat trickle down your forehead. As you reach to wipe the fearful drips, you notice your hands trembling. You try to steady yourself as you confront... the mailbox? We understand. When you're in debt, everything looks different. Like the fear of bills you can't pay. At Farber Debt Solutions, we can help you see things the way you did before you were in debt.

Farber Debt Solutions, licensed insolvency trustees. Get the truth about debt. Hello! This is, what's it called, Frank Off the Radio, the Frank Skinner podcast. What a start. It's called both of those, it's got a colon. Haven't we all darling, at the moment, whether I'll be saying that in two years, who knows. I doubt I'll be saying anything in two years on this podcast. Anyway, this is Frank off the radio. I'm joined by Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. Follow the podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via frankofftheradio at AvalonUK.com. Morning boys. email the podcast via frank of the radio at AvalonUK.com.

Morning boys. Good morning. I've said it. It's very early, actually we're recording this. This is the earliest one we've recorded so far. Which is a particular frustration to me. Why? Because I move around London via what is known as a freedom pass, which it sounds

like a sort of thing you might get in East Germany for giving information about your neighbours. But it's actually for the elderly. Oh. Yeah. And it's great. I just go anywhere and never spend Make the most of that freedom boss. It's change. It's one of the best things if not the best thing that's ever happened to me Anyway, you can't use it before 930. So what's happened is today? I've had to use my credit card with my freedom pass in my well since you got that out Exactly burning a hole in your pocket the freedom pass I mean it why can't you use it before 930 if anything?

I don't make the rules. No, but if anything the elderly are even earlier than people going to work I know but they don't want them cluttering up the You know, we're got cats with them and how bad Sorry, I'm sorry I was late for work there was a coffee morning on the Piccadilly line. Yeah there was a tea dance. Do you get recognised Frank during, because it's sort of rush hour this morning, it's quite tightly packed. It was very tightly packed. Do you get people asking for selfies? No I'm rarely acknowledged at that proximity, I think it's too close for people.

Oh, do you think so? Yeah. There was a man with very bad BPA on there today, you know, that backpack awareness. Oh. So he was eating people and pushing people out of over this terrible backpack as if he'd forgot he got it on. I don't like it when they reach across me to hold the bar. You know, I feel if I get inferred, that's my bar. I have some territorial claim over that. Yeah, but the options are unacceptable. They would have to hold on to you if they don't

do that. You wouldn't like that, Maddie. I don't want them clutching my peplum. But honestly, that, no. No. No. I don't want them clutching my peplum. But honestly that, no. No. No. I don't like when people expect, sort of behave as if they think I should go further in, like in the center of the train carriage is where I can stand up.

Yes. I can't stand up anywhere else. I'm not folding myself into a corner like a gymnast. No, but you're a big unit. Do you know what I miss? Unit. Not eunuch. Hang on, oh yes, because so many people thought you said eunuch. Yes, they thought that.

Not in an abusive way, just it was a private thing that we didn't normally, and I'd forgotten, I got so casual about this. I mentioned, yes, eunuchdom. We've got to clarify this for all of our Imperial Chinese listeners. Why? Because they're used to Eunuchs, you know, it's not so crazy to them.

Yeah, do you still get Eunuchs? It's a... Frank, off the radio, at AvalonUK.com, do you still get Eunuchs? It's very boom and bust the eunuch industry. Not much bust I wouldn't have thought. Any road or where were we? Yeah, do you think in the garden in the early hours of the morning, any garden? Okay. I think in the garden, you know, religious wise. No, no.

Okay. But there too, there are snails moving about amongst the slugs and spiders and we're going, oh cop, honestly! We're like a big, big shell shoving insects out. Oh mate! Shell awareness! Yeah, don't you think? Shell awareness is probably a feature we'll end up doing on this show as an advertising. So what you mean, so do mollusks have an equivalent of rush hour? I suppose they do. When I go out, when I let the dog out at night and pray simultaneously, I often pray to the sound of dog urine. Is that acceptable? I suppose it's just a matter of timing. It's not your fault. No, exactly. The dog urine hitting Lorne. Lorne is my houseboy. He comes out with us at night.

He lives in the cellar. You had to dress him like a lamp post for years to train the dog to do that. Exactly. But no, he doesn't weigh on Lorne. He's very nicely treated. What, Lorne? Is his name spelled L-O-R-E-N-E? Yeah, of course't, he doesn't weigh on Lorne. He's very nicely treated. What Lorne? Is his name spelled L-O-R-N-E? Yeah, of course. I see, yes. Okay, okay.

Yeah, so when I do that, there are often, I have to tiptoe across the yard because there's snails everywhere with their silver trails. Yeah. Does your dog not eat the snails? No, no. Because sometimes my parents dogs... What do you think he is French?

French poodle. Sometimes my parents would let my dogs out for a week. Actually, it is part of French poodle. So that could happen. Snails and frogs. When we got the dog father, Graham Hall, to come and try that early on. Oh, so proud when you did that. He said, they're very intelligent these dogs because, you know, they're French.

And I said, no, what, there's an intellectual tradition amongst poodles. Yeah, they're the philosophy of school. Yeah, Voltaire Sartre. These are all present in the dog mind. Voltaire Sart're such poppy dog. Well, David Bideal caught feels that he said to me, well, Ray is definitely an intellectual. I know this. Yeah.

Ray's Emily's dog, new listeners. Yes. I'm wearing a top with him emblazoned on it today. Oh, yeah. He's like Raymond Crest. You didn't feel uncomfortable looking at my top though? I, well, we talked previously about looking at logos now, certainly at my age on women's tops.

Yeah. It's like approaching the gorgon. I have to look in the reflection of my shield. Oh, thanks. Lest I be turned to stone. Lest my career be turn to stone. That's my career. I turned to stone. A woman, I saw a woman this morning drop her phone on the street and I said excuse me and she went oh honestly I thought I'm gonna get maced. I'm gonna get maced before I can explain

I'm doing a good deed. And I said to you, I said this thing that you say, I think you dropped your phone. No, she dropped her phone. There's no doubt in my mind. Either you dropped your phone or a different phone teleported from your pocket onto the floor. Exactly, or I'm having illusions. And then she went, oh my God, oh thank you, thank you. Now the idea of losing your phone is so terrifying to people. And she turned again and another woman picked it up and I thought, oh.

Oh, who rattled her cage? I thought this could go a bit, you know. But this woman wasn't hanging around, she snatched it out of her hand. She looked at me as a witness, I'd seen it drop. Actually, we normally spoke about strange pride. Yes. A bit of pride for doing that. I'll get pride from saying you drop your scarf.

Just, you know, good citizen pride. Do you think, see, I fantasize when I do things like that, that I would imagine if I were you, that people would be going home tonight saying, do you know I met an extraordinary man today? There aren't many like him in the world. I'm hoping- There are still heroes, they'll say,

as they burst through their front door. Yeah, I want them to think they're talking about me for days. No, I'm hoping that she'll go on social media and say, Frank Skinner was very nice to me, picked up my phone. And then when the crisis hits, I'll have a bit of a pushback. People are calling him a logo-stare-er, but would a logo-stare-er pick up my phone? I don't think so. Frank, you'll never be involved in any crisis like that.

No, but it can be mine. I took a lady friend once on EasyJet. Who was in the title? The headline in the son was Frank Skinflint. And a woman wrote to the son and said that my daughter was going, doing a drama course, meant a lot and she couldn't afford it and Frank gave her a hundred pounds, whatever it was, to do it. And that's what you need. You need to lay some seeds to come back. In case there's any actors listening, I don't do that anymore. That was very George Michael of you.

Yeah, now I help the sick, not the ambitious. That's my motto. Oh, listen, I had a fab, I had the best night out. It was brilliant. I went to the Centre for the Magical Arts. Oh. the Centre for the Magical Arts, which is the London home of the Magic Circle. And I had no idea that the Magic Circle staged cabaret evenings, where you can sit and watch people doing card tricks. And the Magic Circle is something all magicians have to belong to? Is it like

equities? No, no, it's something that it's quite hard, you have to audition to get in, it's not easy. Okay, are you allowed to say if you're a member of it? Are you actually a member then? No, I'm not a member. Okay. Just in the audience. No, I don't. Why do I kind of lose out here? Oh no,, sorry. Now I knew a magician called John Lenahan and he said to me, I don't think you're boring enough to be a magician. And you don't have enough waistcoats.

Well he said to me, there's a thing called palming the card when you have to be able to hold your hand in a very natural manner whilst holding a card. So no one suspects that you're holding it. He said it takes about a year and a half to learn that. He said most people, that's when they stop doing magics, they just get bored. He said, but there are certain people who keep doing it. He included himself. He said, and they become magicians. It's a big time investment. It is, but repetition, repetition, repetition,

the three Rs. I think you can't get into the Magic Circle unless you perform a trick that sort of baffles and delights the sort of a panel of wizards. Do you have to do an audition trick then? I think so, yeah. My friend was, he was the president of the Wolverhampton branch. I went and spoke there. I remomp. Black country magic. I actually said I remomp instead of I remember. That's fantastic. I just thought it was some Weiss Bromwich thing and I thought I'm just going to let it go. I'm going to write it down and use it all the time instead of remember. You just say no, it's black country dialect. Remump. Well next time I was going to use that. Next time I go to Budie I was going to go oh I remump.

I thought it meant like no problem or you're okay. Do you remump? Anyway. So anyway I went to this. We were greeted at the door of the Magic Circle by a Tall man in a suit and tie Chinese Also, I would always go Zen and all McKenna But anyway, no, but Chinese is so right for the Magic Circle long tradition of the Chinese magician

so He said good evening and welcome to the Magic Circle, thanks for coming this evening, can I help you with seats or there's a bar? And he was really talking like that and I said, well we're waiting for our friends, we have to get two cabs and I think they've gone to the wrong... I know what's happened, he said. Yeah, they'll be in the adjoining street, quite tricky to get out of there. Leave this to me. Paul, can you just watch the door for a second?" And he ran off.

He ran off around the corner. So it was quite an opening thing. And then he brought them back. Lovely. For my first trick, I will find your friends. Exactly. Well, this was the man on the door. Anyway, the show started.

Now, the first... When on the door. Anyway, the show started. Now, the first, when I first started in comedy, there was people who had like comedy names. Yes. You remember I tied with the idea of Wes Bromwich as my stage name. And I think as well, there was a guy called, do you remember Mark My Words? His surname was M-I are DZ he was called mark my words and those people like that there was one I saw a documentary about incognito yes exactly an example anyway the first act who was called Andy Come on, that's great. To be fair though, he could have gone with Ant, because that is a name. No, but Andy was better.

I thought it was great. Drag version would be anti-clockwise. Yes. Auntie. Like Auntie, yeah. Do they have aunties in drag? I think of them as like young, virile women. Not that aunties aren't.

Thank you. Remember I did tell someone they dropped their phone this morning. Don't judge me. Don't judge me. Anyway, he was, he opened the show and the magic was brilliant really. We were sitting right at the front so you could see. Was it you and Buzz did you go with? It was me, Buzz, my partner, her dad, her sister. Oh, Kath went to the magic. My brother-in-law, there was like, we had a block book and we were in front row. It was brilliant. By the way, I looked at Andy Clarkwise's publicity, and you know, you have quotes. I love this. First one,

You were brilliant, Bradley Wash. And I thought, Bradley hasn't got the grammar of putting a quote on something. You want, he was brilliant, don't you? Yeah. He's gone second person. You were brilliant. I think what that suggests is that he's maybe replied to a tweet or sent him a text or something.

Oh, I see. And Andy Clockwise is so strict, morally strict, he wouldn't just tinker with them. He'd be kicked out of the magic circle. Also, he's taken that out of context. I mean, he doesn't mention magic, Bradley Walsh. It would be funny if... What do you suggest? He was just on the chase. He just did really well on the chase. I've taken that out of context. I mean, he doesn't mention magic, Bradley Walsh. It would be funny if... And you knew it was brilliant. What do you suggest? He was just on the chase. He just did really well on the chase.

I'm just saying... I knew it was brilliant. You can't ban any sort of rumour around... I'm just saying I've received a few texts like that in my life and I've never done magic. Yeah, I've never... Have you not? No. Okay.

What if Andy Klum was just going quizzing? Mine, I've had texts like the next quote, which was, nobody does it better. David Seaman, MBE. Oh. Now I know you're not a football fan, Pierre. Even I know who he is. Do you know who he is? Yeah. The goalie from... Safe Hands. Do you know that was his nickname? Was it? Yeah. That's got to be a popular goalie nickname.

He used to sign that, Safehands. Did he sign autographs? Yeah, he used to sign Safehands. That's quite arrogant, isn't it? That would be his magician name, Safehands. Yes. Anyway, so let me tell you, I've met many footballers in my time. And the excitement of meeting a footballer never diminishes.

Except goalies. You always think, oh not a real footballer. That's what you always think. Do you? Oh yeah, goalies. But they're so crucial. They are, but they're not footballers. I don't know, Peter Shilton always excited me. Yeah, but I remember when he went bankrupt. Me and Dave did a sketch on fantasy football

called Shilton in Need, where we were racing body parts. That's so you and David. Anyway, I'm going to give you the last quote from Andy Clockwise. So hang on. Can we just say we've got Bradley Walsh, you were brilliant, David Seaman, MBE. MBE,

saying nobody does it better. And then we've got, he has more energy than is humanly possible, Linda Lusardi. I don't even know who that is. No, she was a very famous Page Three girl. Oh right, got it. Magic not mentioned. She was the most famous page three girl of the 80s would you say? Well I don't know about that. What about Foxy? What about Foxy, that's true. Yeah, I think probably Foxy, but she was big Lusardi. She was a famous one certainly. I think she still does pantomime.

Yes. Yeah. Anyway, it was... What a triumvirate though. So it was great. And there was a bit where somebody was doing the rings trick, you know, the metal rings when they intertwine. And he passed one to this kid and said check that that's just a normal ring and the kid the voice said there's like a little bump on you and I hate that I hate a smart alley. I was going like that. At a magic store. There'll be a little bump on you in a minute. So that's what I would have said. Yeah. It's Frank off the radio. Frank off the radio. Frank off the radio.

It's the Frank Skinner podcast. Don't you know? Oh, man. That, that winds me up. How old was the kid? Oh, I don't know. The smart aleck. Eleven, something like that.

And you know, I mean, he'd been asked to be fair been asked to be fair but I don't even like, do you remember when they did the Michael Jackson seance on the television? Oh yes. There was a seance to contact Michael Jackson. The Magic Circle? No, the police. We've got some questions we'd like to put to you. You can choose any lawyer, living or dead. There are some very good dead lawyers. We don't recommend Alan Dershmit. Apparently Michael Jackson chose George Roy B.

Geoffrey's wasn't available I hear. He's the only law west of the... West of the Peacocks! West of the Peacocks! West of the Peacocks! I love that guys, it's been a while since I've heard the old... dust off the old Michael Jackson impressions. Do you remember when they... you should have seen it. Oh, you missed the... Is this the Doves, Frank? I know the seance. There's a bit... well he was a smart alley. There was a Michael Jackson impersonator there in full costume and he said, they said has anyone got any questions for Michael?

Why? Why? Why was there a Michael Jackson impersonator there? He had one white glove, didn't he? Yeah, well of course, Jackson's thing and they said, but the guy said, was it Acora doing it? Yeah, I think Acora was doing it. He said, has anyone got any questions for Michael? And this guy said, what's the best gig I've ever done?

Which obviously is just a way of catching out the thing. And there was a bit of a it was horrible horrible moment and And also even that you know Houdini You know Houdini the famous escapologist magic guy he exposed a lot of Spiritualists and stuff. Yeah. Yeah sure up If I went to a seance and a blogstrum and went haha look at this under the table. I It's competition for Houdini. Oh, no. No, he was trying to contact his dead mother Yes, I'm trying to I've just looked up here. You're absolutely right. Yeah, his mom died and he resolved that he would, this is if Houdini was on Strictly.

And I said I would go to every spiritualist in the country and find her, but they were all hoaxes and cheats. And of course my knowledge of magic helped me to expose them. Imagine the sweat on your brow. So now Harry Houdini dances dances the dead mom waltz. Imagine the sweat on your brow when you see Harry Houdini fucking coming into your seance scam. Did you swear then? Yes.

What's happened to PA? It's a podcast. He's determined to turn this into the bodcast. It's no such thing as the bodcast. Whatever it's called, that thing he does where there's a lot of swearing. But generally imagine the tension. He's going to catch you out. He's the best magician.

No, of course he is. But what I'm saying is I'm against, it's like this law now. I don't know if you've ever read the brochure when you play a theatre. But if there's a spiritualist on now, there has to be a thing on their blurb that says like no dead people are used in this act. That's reassuring. And it says like, you know, this is for entertainment purposes only. How is that right?

You're pulling the magic carpet from under them before they've even gone on stage. Yeah, the whole point is being conned. They're ruining cons now. What about a bloke told me he saw of spiritualist in Watford and he was doing this thing, but the letter G, the letter G anyone? Nothing. You would think, there was like, he said there was 200 people, no one knew a dead person with a G in their name.

And then he said, letter, I'm getting S, S, probably the most, nothing. And in the end, he swears this is true the guy went D I'm getting D now D is it dad dad that I meant cut mate give up that's a bad day at work that is a bad day yeah yeah so anyway half time I'm a boring you no we went in are we still at the magic yeah Michael Jackson say on top time slices of orange I do remember Derek a core at one point because he had Michael Jackson and I'm not sure it was a core I've just checked it was it was okay because he obviously, and then he started weeping and saying... A Cora went?

Yeah, as Michael Jackson. Oh, okay. Saying about the Presmesia, as disgusted how they've treated me. Oh, yeah. Not how I remember Jackson talking. It ought to come out in his voice hadn't it? Yeah. Oh, is he done devised? Yeah. Oh no, I haven't been treated like that. You alright Derek?

Don't bother me when I'm doing devised. These jeans are a bit tight. No longer with us of course Derek. Derek? Or is he? Shouldn't have stopped his career. No longer with us of course Derek or is he? Shouldn't have stopped his career. So yeah, we went down into this amazing Museum magic museum and you get a tour and all that

What's in the museum then cards? There is the costume You'd be annoyed if it was just a load of decks Literally cards. There is some cards. What else just literally cards? There is some cards. What else? A hat? There's the costume of Chong Ling Su, the Chinese. Oh, big wow. No, he's a biggie, Chong Ling Su. Do you know Chong Ling Su? No. Okay.

Guess how he died. I don't, how come? I don't know. Come on. It's going to have to be something to do with the magic. Sorn in half. No, no. The magicians don't sell themselves and half. No, no. The magicians though saw themselves in half.

That's true. There'd be a name for that. Did he get mixomatosis? No, I don't think he did the rabbit thing. He drowned in a, trying to escape from a big thing of water. It's a good guess, but what he did was supposedly the most dangerous magic, the bullet catch. What's that? Somebody fires a gun at you and you catch the bullet, either in your hand or in your

teeth. Yeah. Oh. Yeah, and he tried that and apparently the bloke shot and Chong Ling Su said, something's happened. Blow the curtain, then was his last words. And everyone was absolutely shocked, partly because he'd been shot, partly because he was supposed to be Chinese. No one had ever heard him speak English before. It turned out somebody called Billy Robinson, who he was, and he'd been pretending for years to be a Chinese magician.

It was very inappropriate. I mean then, it was inappropriate then because he was doing the real man's act. It was 1975. I think it was the 19th century. It must have been. They didn't care then. No. So presumably, I mean, the gun was loaded by accident or? No, I think... I like something's happened. He was a master of the understatement. Something's happened out of the curtain. He was shot through my

teeth. But then he must have thought, oh God, I spoke English, so it's over anyway. It's over anyway. Ben and Les won't die anyway. Sooty was in there. Oh was he? You know, Sooty did, are you familiar with Sooty? The puppet thing. Is it a bear? What's a puppet thing? Well I looked up Sooty. It's like a hand puppet.

I looked up Sooty on the internet and you know you get AI overview. Oh yeah. Which gives you a summary. Yeah why do you get that now? It's a brutal description. What does it say? Sooty is a British children's television franchise that features a mute yellow bear puppy and his friends.

Oh, the most reductive description of Sooty I've ever heard. A mute yellow bear puppy. How unsettled would you have been if just now when you said, you know Sooty, I'd have gone, uh, the mute yellow bear puppy. Hang on, is he completely mute? Doesn't he do Mr. Bean? He doesn't do Mr. Bean. Oh, no, no, no, he never makes a noise. Oh, okay.

Was it the dog one that made a sound? Which dog? Sweep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I always say that there's a lot of saxophone solos that sound like sweet waxing lyrical about something. Yeah. Yeah, do you know that you know the thing with Soty is that when I was a kid it was operated by a bloke called Harry Corbyn. There was someone called Matthew someone. Now Matthew was his son and Harry Corbyn got old at and Matthew said I'll take Soty off your hand. Oh.

In the singular. And he paid for the rights to... He paid his dad. Yeah, he paid his dad. Interesting insight into the family dynamic. Yeah, I think, but it's like, I don't know, 30 grand or something like that for Sooty. It wasn't a kind of... I would prefer to think of it as being passed down like a sword. So would I.

No, no, this was paid. This was paid. I wouldn't want my dad to charge me for Sooty. For a puppet. Yeah, but the thing is what happened is he took the money and then I think when Harry's health got better, he started carrying on doing sooty. In secret. In secret?

Black market sooty. I know what you're up to, dad. There's two sooties operating simultaneously, which is kind of... Will the real sooty please stand up? There was a famous moment when Harry caught... Going to a speakeasy to watch an illegal sooty. He's operating simultaneously, which is... You can't have that. Will the real Sooty please stand up? There was a famous moment when Harry... Going to a speakeasy to watch an illegal Sooty performance.

Harry Corbyn! What's the password? It's the police! Quick, get him out of here! Quick, flush him down the toilet! What's that, Sooty? Yes, get him out of here as fast as you can. So what happened? Show me your other hand. So I used to have one in my glove compartment. What a Sateen. Yeah, sometimes I would thank people who let me in. I've only just remembered this. I would

thank people who let me in. Is that involved in the whole black market? So I would wave the sooty hat. I completely forgot that. When did you do this? Oh when I was first driving. Where did you buy the sooty? Oh there were so many sooties around then, I'm afraid. Once Harry Corbett let the genie out of the jar, there were sooties everywhere. Anyway, what happened was one night he was

doing one of his illegal sooties. Knock three times and ask for a spider. And he said that some of the children were asking for Matthew because he'd allowed Matthew to do the TV show and you know TV is more important than any other branch of entertainment to most people. So you found out recently. So Harry Corbett said let me make one thing clear children. In the smoke filled basement. This is what he said, let me make one thing clear children. Matthew is Sootie's friend, but I am Sootie's father.

Why Darth Vader? His father. I mean the complications that become involved. What? But that means that he's his brother, your son. Oh. Yeah. You said he was just your friend.

So now you're... How does this work? You're questioning... He was disowning his son in the same speech. By implication, not even bothering to say it. Never mind him. This is my child. This is my son.

This bit of wool. same speech. By implication, not even bothering to say it. Never mind him, this is my child. This is my son. This bit of wool. I never call it that. I only have one son now. I'd punch you if my son wasn't on my hand. Oh man. He literally disowned his own child. It was all a bit, I think they'd come to a deal where Harry did sort of South Coast summer seasons. Like the Mafia? Yeah, Mafia. We get the East Coast. We get every Sooty concert in New York, New Jersey, Boston.

Hey, tell Sweet Boy, tell Sweet Boy I always liked her. It was just business. Yeah. We made a caption, so you won't talk, huh? Oh, man. Anyway, he was there. He was there in the music. So the evening ended, I should say this. First of all there was a man on from

Peru who was very good. Was he three feet tall? Did he have a red hair? He did an act I'd never seen before. He pulled a marmalade sandwich out of his hair. He made plasticine models under a handkerchief. What? What? What? I would have called the police. It's much better than he said. I'm sorry. It's much better than he said.

If someone said to you, Frank, oh, come back to mine and watch me make plasticine models under a handkerchief, it's disgusting. No, it's brilliant because he asked people to name... I bet he did. ...dinosaur. Oh, yeah. And then he would just sit just fiddling about under his handkerchief. Oh, lovely. Because he asked people to name dinosaurs. And then he would just sit just fiddling about under the anchorage. Oh lovely! And then take out a brilliant, I mean they were brilliant.

What was? Fiddling about under a handkerchief? But he was from Peru, the only thing that slightly spoilt him. That doesn't make it okay what he's doing. But what it's slightly spoilt, he called for a volunteer and he said where are you from and she said Peru. His exoticism has disappeared up in smoke. And you're sure you're not a plant? No, well. And now I'm just from the same country. No, no, he admitted that it was his friend but she said she wasn't. It was no sort of skull-doggery.

What's the trick? What is the trick? No, it is brilliant, because people name... I'm not dismissing his sculpting skills. You've been worryingly vague about this. All I've got is a man fiddling about under a handkerchief. Yeah, because somebody... Because he got my brother-in-law up, and my brother-in-law said a puma and I said hold on, favorite dinosaur

is a puma but he still made one under the handkerchief, he still came out with a perfect puma. I said Tyrannosaurus Rex when he asked me from the front row because I like to help the performer. Do you know what I mean? I thought he'd have one of those in his waistcoat pocket. Oh, I bet he does. It must be the first one he learned. No, I think you should start with Tyrannosaurus Rex. Sure. Yeah.

The headliner. Yeah. But obviously it's very good. But is the trick just that he just can't see it? He can't see. And also people are calling him out. and he's talking and doing other things while he's messing around to the handkerchief. And they're not just saying it like that Frank, but they are brilliant.

They're brilliant. But is it magic? Well, but is it magic? I loved it. I had a brilliant night and who closed the show if it wasn't the Chinese doorman? Really? Who I thought was just seeing people in and out. He was an act.

Frank, do they play any sort of your classic, it's a kind of magic? Now I tell you what they don't, what there was very much a shortage of and that was magical bands. Oh really? You know they do lots of patter and stuff. There was a lot of, this must be a new trend in magic, a lot of sort of modern psychology. The Derren Brown effect.

We all need something to believe in and every illusion is a new beginning. That was a lot of that kind of stuff and I thought... Allow me to now fiddle about under a handkerchief for five minutes. I want the bands. Yeah. I like magical bands. Do you like a sort of now the now now now that sort of magic? Yeah but the magic was great but I missed the bands. Okay. Except that the Chinese man at the end said who'd have thought you'd end the night being entertained by a big Chinese man who talks like God? I thought that, that was, for all the bands we missed, that was a great joke.

That's a great joke. And a great self awareness. Yes, he understood the assignment. I like him for that. Do you think because it's the magic circle, if there was too many jokes, it's such that you would come here to be serious about magic, the crowd would boo! More tricks! I think it's a new trend, maybe it's Darren Brown. Andy Clockwise did jokes. I like that he's some friend of yours now. Think about Andy Clockwise.

It was Philosophé, I would say. If your name is Andy Clockwise, you can't lose the jokes. Kind of a joke name and then do no jokes. No, you could do a whole thing about going against the grain and the trend because you're Andy Clockwise, not Clockwise. You must have done a lot of clock puns. Oh, I can't remember, but there was, like I say, anyone look out if you go to a magic night for the psychology stuff, which I say, anyone look out if you go to a magic night for the psychology stuff,

which I don't know, sounded like nonsense to me. But anyway, I would recommend the Magic Circle. Go and see one of their nights, that's what I'm saying. This is another one of my reads, which I explain to listeners that people do the things called reads on podcasts. So you say things like, there used to be a Jasper Carrot thing about, he said he'd heard an advert on Birmingham radio that was, good to our dads for your chops, which I think he made up. What was the advertising chart? But yeah, it used to be like, Harry Parks was a former Aston Villa player.

Have I told you about him before? I think, but I don't know if this is on air actually, I don't know if you've told us about him. Anyway, he was a Villa player and he had a sports shop, so he's one of those, you know, dozo and advert, the Victor Kayam approach. Yes. Do you know him? It's a sort of George Foreman approach You know, there used to be a guy called Victor Kayam saying I like this shave so much I bought the company and he bought and he owned the thing So Harry Parks used to do an advert on the radio, which I suppose is like doing a read and he'd say Oh, yeah, we got all great snooker

competition. Oh, no, no, it'll start again. So I don't want to do Harry at this service. He'd say we've got lots of great snooker equipment in at the moment. We got rests, we got cues and a voice would say balls Harry and he'd go, it's true, I'll tell ya. And that was the advert. Very good. Yeah, So that's the kind of stuff we'll be doing. Yeah. On behalf of the Magic Circle as well as Slate and Ketamin. I tell you, check out the Knights at the Center for the Magical Arts. It's one of my best Knights out ever. podcast. The new winter change is blowing. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. I'm not totally

sure how it's going. Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch you can email the podcast via frankofftheradio at avalonuk.com Thank you, cheers.