The Frank Skinner Show - Shortlisted?

Episode Date: February 23, 2026

Frank and Emily are joined by Milo Edwards! This time Frank has had some post and Emily's had a surprising DM. Also we have pease pudding correspondence and chat about cheques. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Triangle for more the detail. It's Frank off the radio. It's the Frankskinner podcast, don't you know? Deep my heart lies over Jordan. I think it's okay. Is that all right?

I think it's okay. I'm not sure about it. Let's exit just in case. It's like the Go Compare Man was in the studio with us. Yeah, exactly. Probably just as well he is. On this bench. There's not too much room in here.

This is Frank. You can't say those jokes anymore. You can't say anything now. Can't even a hugger secretary at Christmas. He's probably on Ozenpick now. That was a party of political broadcast for the Reform Party. That'd be a great slogan.

You can't even hog a secretary at Christmas as their sort of campaign poster. You know what, Night, you can have that one for free. I don't want any money for it. It's yours, but can't even fat shame the Go Compare Man. It's gone too far. We're going to hell in a handcart. Listen, this is Frank Off the Radio.

I'm joined by Emily Dean and Milo Edwards is with us. You remember, Milo from the last podcast. Follow the podcast on X and Instagram. I can read as well. I'm reading aloud. Sorry, darling. No, I'm sorry. You can email the podcast via Frank off the radio at Avalonuk.com.

As for WhatsApp, 0-7457-4-1-7-669. I keep pressing that one when he lingers over the 69. Oh, I don't like them lingering over the 69. No, no, I don't like it. It's very pregnant that, isn't it? I don't like that. Well, it will be soon. You can't get pregnant.

Not like that. I suppose you could get pregnant from it, but you'd have to arrive hot foot from oral sex with a male. Oh, don't talk about things like about you too. Yeah. Also, I don't like to go hot foot after oral sex with a male. I like to rest up a bit. Oh, my God.

Unless you're trying to escape them. Well, that's true. Can you please stop talking about this? I'm racing off screaming this far and no further. Oh, please. Listen, I had a letter from a great name, actually, Ken Pepper. Oh, that is a good name. It is, yeah.

It sounds like someone like Balamori. I rather like that. What does Ken Pepper say? Ken Pepper. Ned Pepper was the bad guy in true grit. Okay. All right. And when he's confronted as a gang,

and John Wayne on his own has a gun in each hand on his horse, and he screams, fill your hands, you son of a bitch. And then he sneezes. I've said that to a few men in my time. To be fair. And they always do. Oh, well. I mean, if you've asked.

We've struck a raunchy tone this early in the episode. Yeah, we are. Yeah, we can turn it around if we need to. Yeah, just read that letter from Ken Pepper. Ned Pepper. No, no, Ken Pepper. Not that, Pepper. Ken Pepper sent me a T-shirt with,

and our older listeners will know this, the Tipped and Slashers Monkey, which was a sort of non-exhibit at the Black Country Museum in the West Midlands. It was a, the Tipton Slashire was a bare knuckle fighter from the Black Country, and he had a monkey who he used to spa with. Okay.

In a crawl. Cricy. And then he knocked it down a stone. stairwell accidentally and killed it. Were they sparring at the top of a stone stairwell? Yeah, well there was one of join in the room they were in, yeah. There was no health and safety then? No.

No. It was it murdered essentially. No, it was at murder, it was accident. It was monkey slaughtered. You won't make it out to stick in Tickton. No. It's his word against the monkeys. Exactly.

Yeah, but the locals will all bat the slasher. I mean, it is the name that makes you sound quite guilty when you called the Tickton slasher. Yeah, if you don't want people to accuse you, have a new name. No, but if someone found piss in their garden, the Tipson Slashor would be in big trouble. If OJ. Simpson's middle name had been Slashor instead of Juice, I reckon he'd have gone down. Would you stop talking about Slashor and things? If he'd been called the Tipton Monkey Murder, that would have been a different story.

Wasn't Slash from the West Midlands? I say wasn't. We're still alive. Stoke. Stoke, right. Well, Slash the guitar. He's British. Yeah.

It's shocking stat, that, isn't it? I never knew that. Yes, he's from Stoke. Oh, that makes me like him even more. Actually, I've got an idea. What's Stoke? I've got an idea that Slash might have been born in America and then moved to Stoke when he was a small child.

The bright lights. We're going to take you somewhere better than this. We're going to go to Newcastle underline. You're going to love it there. Read that Ken Pepper letter. He loved it in New York, but he just couldn't find a kiln. Yeah. You ever have been to a Weatherspoons boy?

Will you read that Ken Pepper letter? Yes. So he sent me a picture of the Tipton Slashers Monkey and he said if you've had... Such to speak. He said if you'd had this guy on your parcel shelf, it wouldn't have been stolen. Cricie.

I think that's correct. I found a dead monkey in my garden. I just put it in the bin. There's a neighbour saying, I found ten of those all piled up in my garden. Some sort of monkey strangler on the streets of Highgate. Monkey, what's that? You know when they have those little clips

advertising the various film companies that are involved in making TV programs? Oh, yeah. You get little jingle things come on. You know what I'm talking about? I know exactly what you mean. There's one, is it monkey madness or something at the end of stranger things?

Where you see a monkey with a sword flying through the air as if to commit a horror. Like he's come back to avenge himself on the Tipton Slash. Exactly. In a sort of ironic fashion. Yeah. So listen, I've had a letter also from John Walsh.

Now, John Walsh is the guy that sends me occasionally enormous coffee table books based on films that you don't expect to have an enormous coffee table. Yeah. Book made about them, like Conan the Barbarian. Debbie does Dallas, that sort of thing. Not that one. That's the pop-op.

Anyway, I haven't heard Debbie Dostalus quoted for a lot. How old are you? I've got a great surgeon. You've certainly, you've got old, should we call it, tastes? No, but that is the... Debbie Daz Dallas is quite quaint by today's day, isn't it? In the ear of Bonnie Blue. It was in the porn film chair.

You know, we've got a chair for everything. There's like the drunken person chair. The porn film chair, if anyone mentioned porn, they'd say, yeah, Debbie does that. If he does that. White down first, that chair, Christ. Yeah. Anyway, he sent me a film.

He really sent it to you, Emily, because Emily's got a bit of a would but shouldn't on Henry the 8th. It's a bit of an obsession. I have a portrait of him in my bedroom. I visited Hampton Court several times. I've always been, I used to do portraits of him, pictures of him when I was younger.

I'm very obsessed with him. Anyway, sort of like Shagmary a void, but it's divorce, beheaded or died. look I always say he always put a ring on it say what you want about that man Fair enough yeah Over to Frank from the studio

So that the axe man Got it in exactly the right place Yeah A good plastic surgeon for the marker pen But also it's useful to know Anna Cleaves came out of that better than anyone She lived along and because she was called ugly Moral of the story

Okay I read something recently that he didn't reject Anna of Cleaves Because of Ogdeness No he rejected her because of his pride was offended because she didn't recognise him when he left. You know he organised a big pride. It's like you on the scene. He didn't organise pride.

Read that letter. Well, actually, quickly, the weirdest place I've ever seen a portrait of Henry the 8th was in the breakfast bar of... I've not had the privilege yet. Do we want to tell Frank now? I've not yet filled my hands. Oh my gosh.

Yeah, perfect. Your words, not mine. Goodness me. I was at the breakfast bar. of a plate glass 1980s hotel in Wigan called the Britannia. They had a Henry? They had a reproduction portrait of Henry VIII above the conveyor belt toaster,

which I thought was the most bizarre. Oh, I love that. I'd say the one word you didn't really need in that was reproduction. It wasn't an original. The idea that the original whole bite. Oh yeah, they got a whole bite off of then. Anyway, read that letter. Can I read this?

So John Walsh says he's made a film. Be warned, it's not like of a... Henry the 8th films. I don't need to be warned. You don't need to have seen the first seven. I have seen numerous films. It is an independent micro-budget film

shot in two weeks on 35mm film. I was a conduct... No, I was a Kodak sponsored film student back in the day and they gave me film stock almost for free to make the film. What about that? So I'm going to check it out.

That's lovely. And I will look at it as well. I'll come onto yours. In an attempt to draw me in, he's pointed out, that there's three actors in it were all in Doctor Who. Oh. He knows the way to my heart, Walshie. I will come and watch it at yours, Frank,

because don't take this wrong way, but I suspect you've still got a DVD player. Of course. Okay, great. In fact, as he points out on this, that Frank will have one for his Doctor Who box. How embarrassing. Completely true.

Can I tell you? I've also got a VHS player for a similar reason. Oh, great, yeah. Debbie does Dallas on the VHS. Great thing about VHS, rewind. You can rewind to the second. Rewind on a DVD. Whoa, whoa! Whoa! No, no.

And also, rewinding... Gone back 20 minutes. Well, rewinding on the streamers, sometimes on ITV, it's 20-second increments. That's too long. No, it's mad. Can I just share something with you both that's happened, as my niece would say,

literally right now as we speak? No, this has happened fairly literally. That's the correct usage. It's happened very recently. I've had a direct message from a company that calls itself. Can you tell I'm already cynical about this missive? It calls itself in Globe magazine. Sort of cartography publication, I presume.

Well, I've never heard it. It's edited by the boy in the bubble. were Michael Jackson sang about. You know the boy in the bubble? Will you explain? Well, there was an illness. No, this was a documentary or film, Frank?

He lived in a big plastic bubble because he used to be a thing. He was allergic to everything. Well, they used to be known. The Eden Project. Yeah, one boy. It was. They were known as being allergic

to the 20th century. I used to the material about when the millennium came up, then suddenly they go, Actually, I feel great. But New Year's, the old langsine, the boys get out the bubble, saying, I'm fine, I don't need it anymore. Boy in the bubble, I think, was played by John Travolta.

Oh, well, anyway, Michael Jackson did a song called, didn't he? Or did he refer to Boy in the Bubble? It's one of his obsession. I'm talking to the boy in the bubble. Or you don't want Michael Jackson talking to the boy. As long as he's in a bubble, it's all right. Bubbles. That's why he was in.

They used to arrive in those bubbles. You're all over it. He's trying to get to him. Get out of that bubble. Oh, why? Describe the bubble as an absolute necessity if you're near him. It's like a dog at the mirror trying to get its own reflection. Do you want to hear about Enclove magazine?

They only can't. This is the chimpanzee. Then they want to roll home. Don't start on the monkeys again. Can we get back to In Globe magazine? I don't know what to do. We're reaching... Hi, Emily.

They've made it all personalised and chatty. We're reaching... Why isn't this... If anyone begins anything to me, hi, I never get as far as Frank. Really? Wow. He hates high. You hate high? What do you prefer?

Good day. Dear. Okay, dear, yeah. Felicitations. No, just my name, I don't mind. But the idea that I say hi, just Frank. Frank is fine. Yeah.

Yeah. It does feel, that feels quite abrupt, though, to me. I know, but as I always say, when they say hi, I'm not in. Glee. No. Right, yeah. So don't talk to me as if I'm sorry. He tolerates it with me.

I often just say, hi, darling, and he lets me get away with it. Hi, Emily. We're reaching out from In Globe magazine. We're delighted to share. So you're reaching up. We're reaching out. I thought that was a Friday and slip.

The magazine is from the centre of the earth. We're here in the molten core. What it's called? Inglow. Yeah. We're delighted to share. The editor is Arnie Sackman. Anyone?

We're delighted. It's the main character from Jules, Vern's, journey to the centre of the earth. Oh, okay. Great. What's so good of having people with fucking glasses on if they're not going to get the literary reference? Stop saying fucking in that rude way.

We're delighted to share that you've been shortlisted for our top 30 global, sorry, so ridiculous, global women leaders of excellence feature. Wow. Leader of who, a Shih Tzu? I don't lead anyone. I don't know. You've got a lead, so it makes perfect sense.

Yeah, maybe it's to do with the dog lead. Curated in honour of the upcoming International Women's Day. And I noticed... When is that? Oh, I don't know. 8th of March, isn't it? Is it? Yeah.

Women's Day, brackets, cats. Yeah. The only reason I know this is because in Russia they'd celebrate it, because it was a communist holiday international Women's Day originally. Was it? Because it was international working Women's Day. Yeah, my goodness. But then, bizarrely, it's sort of become political in the West,

whereas in Russia it's now kind of like Valentine's Day but also your mum. Oh, is it? It's actually quite sexist in Russia. It's very like, you get women's flowers. They're like it. Maybe a candle. I don't know, whatever they like. I can't like it.

Always nagging if you don't buy the flowers. You go to the three, you pick the daffodils, yeah. I quite like it. So anyway, celebrating remarkable women who lead with purpose, inspire change and create a lasting global impact. This goes on. We'd be honoured to spotlight this. Hold on, I haven't thought it, won't you?

Oh, God. We'd be honoured to spotlight. Who are the big leaders at the moment, women? Your top general dogs and cats. We would be honoured to spotlight your story and achievements. Can these men stop talking over one? I'm trying to finish about my international women's day. Can you just help me out?

Can you see the irony? Who are the women, like, you know, leaders? Do you mean like political leaders? Yeah. But what story? It's strange about this, Frank. It's got a female Prime Minister now, I think. Name?

No, I don't know her name. Do you know Angler was so useful for that reason? I know. We had her. Looking back, no, we didn't appreciate Thatcher. Yeah. What about Theresa? Liz Tross?

Liz Truss. There you go. I bet she's been there. And all of her bathrobes. Did she have a lot of bathrooms? Did you not remember this? I like, that sounds like an insult. Damn you and all of your bathrobes.

As a previous... That's what I said to the owner of Shampney. We used to know him, Frank, didn't we? We did. His own celebrity contact. Mr. Champney. So, guys... She got a bill for 12,000 pounds.

Who did? When she had to give up Chevening, when she stopped being... Oh, Lestrade. They sent her a bill for 12,000 pounds for soiled and damaged bath robes. Oh, that's disgusting. What was she up? Wow. That's something from the Oscar Wild trial.

What was she doing and with those bath roads? I don't know. Filty beast. Certainly not going to be in the top 30 women leaders with an attitude like that. She needed a tross. Anyway, carry on. If this resonates with you, please let us know the best email address to share the official feature details and next steps.

If this resonates with you. If this resonates, we'd be happy to send everything across and move forward. Warm regards, Team In Globe magazine. So I looked up Team In Globe magazine. Did it resonate? It's not looking... I thought I had a similar list. from the did you redo society?

No, really? If this resonates with you. I would say, Frank, I wouldn't describe this as fantastically kosher looking. Okay. So, I mean, I'm looking at the... Are they offering you a cover picture?

I don't know, I don't quite know what they're offering, but I think what happens, because I've looked at previous cover stars, Dr. Ignacio Bonanza. I'm sure he's very talented in whatever area he was. of the top global women. Exactly.

This global women magazine. We're going to give it to a woman for the first time. Kevin Woolridge, a digital transformation leader. Oh, see, I can't keep off anymore. Ken Pepper's going to be on there anymore. He got one of those. So my feeling is, and I'll be really honest, I do think there's something suspicious about this.

Can I tell you something? Just to help you make your decision. Please do. bars, who is my 13-year-old son, entered a competition online. He sent in a picture of our dog. And then he got an email back saying, your dog is one of our 12 best-looking dogs in Britain.

It's going to be on our dog of the year calendar. Only £28 from this thing. At least you didn't get that DM. Oh, my God, that's what it is. I mean, that was my instinct. And he still says to me, I wish we'd got that calendar. Really?

Wow. Am I going to be saying to you, I wish I'd been in the Inglow magazine, global leaders of the year? If you do find out, it's real, and you've turned down woman leader thing. All publicity is good publicity. That's what they say.

Yeah, but some of the last covers don't inspire me with... That's not what Greg Wallace. She looks like she's on the loo. That's a cover. I mean, I don't want to... But they don't seem... It doesn't seem very kosher, this whole operation seems.

She's very elderly, that lady. There's an elderly. A elderly woman. World, if you're leading. There's an elderly woman who... There's an elderly and constipated woman. A woman who looks like she's on the loop. It doesn't look like proper shoots,

and I've worked with the best, as you know. Yeah. So I don't... Listen, in Globe, thank you. But as an LA publicist once said to me, I think I am going to have to graciously decline. Mm-hmm. I love it when people add the word graciously or polite

into a sentence as though that isn't for you to decide. Do you have found that when there's like a something that says polite notice? And I'm like, well, no, polite is dependent on the notice itself. You can't just say it's polite. It could be a rude notice. Yeah. And they say that refusal may cause offence. Yeah.

You get that one as well. Usually on asking for credit at the shop. What the fuck does that in the 21st century? Yeah, Christ, can I get this on tick? It used to be. My mother used to go to the off-licence nearest and she'd say, Mr. Hannigan. And she'd say, Mr. Hannigan, could I cash a check for the weekend, though? Do you remember that, Frank?

Shops would give you, did your parents cash checks in the local shops? My parents didn't have checkbooks. Oh, I'm sorry. I love calling him Mr. Hannigan. Yeah, we called him Mr. Hanigan. That's a great deal. The formality. His sister ran the orphan.

Doffing your cat to the cost cutter man. Mr. Hannigan. It was a nice old school bottle shop. Yeah, good day to you, sir. So didn't they have chocolate? May I have a bottle of poppers from the top shelf and perhaps a Maxin magazine. If you would, if you'd be so kind. So I suppose, no.

Not everyone had checkbook, maybe. No. Of course they didn't have any fucking money. Okay, okay, I'm sorry. No money you couldn't carry. Sorry, I stated it quite boldly, but it is the facts of the matter. My mum used to pay all of her bills by cheque. Did you?

Right to the end, because she was like, well, because then you can send a check at the same time as you'd send a bank transfer, but then it takes some time to cash it and send the money's in your account for longer. And I'm like, but your money's in your current account, which doesn't earn any interest, so why do you care? But it was like, my mum used to work in a bank, and it was this weird, like, principal thing for her.

She wouldn't let them get a penny out of her. But it'd be mad because she'd be like posting all these checks in a hurry towards the end of a month and I was like, Mother, it's 20-20. This is mad. They had them Provident checks, which was a company called Provident that you got, they gave you checks that you could go and spend on like your Christmas spending. And then you had to pay back like 25% more than the price.

Oh, like the park. Christmas hatches or whatever. It's money lending with a bit of Christmas. of fancy paper involved rather than Mr. Botler who used to come to our house and just frighten people into paying him. Anyway, at a different time. That was before he started the search engine. Yeah, exactly. Frank, can we share? I didn't get that, but I said yes, exactly, and I already feel guilty for it. I was doing an Asked Jeeves reference.

Yeah. Yeah. I was a bottle. Do you remember Ars Jeeves? Of course. Sorry, there were quite a lot of moving parts there. I forgot he was a botler. He was. He was better known for other words. Quite a sort of primitively drawn butler, but a butler nevertheless. I think if it was a man's servant. A Batman, perhaps. Maybe a Batman. Yes.

Yeah. So I feel we should share some correspondence from our readers. Do you remember on a recent show, we were talking, Milo, about peas pudding. Are you familiar with peas pudding? I listened to this episode. Oh. And I sort of shared in your general confusion as to what exactly... I'd of course heard of it.

And I sort of knew it wasn't something that I would... Well, the spelling surprise is a lot of people. Because I've also heard it called kind of almost pronounce like piece pudding. Well, peas pudding is P-A-S-E though. It's not P's as in the plural of P. Yeah. It feels lentily when you eat it. And it used to go rock solid in the pan, I remember.

Well, Damien currently based in China, has got in touch with us. Don't tell me they've got it out there. Oh, I don't know. He says, back before I became a teacher, I used to be a government affairs person, which meant going to all the... A lot of them were in the 90s. Exactly. Successful pockets.

Yeah, I think John Prescott had a couple, didn't he? And John Major? Yeah, of course. Who's in the affair chair, by the way, would you say MP was? I don't know if John Prescott is. No. I would say John Major, definitely, because of the high profile nature. Would you say he's the most...

Well, that's too. That's a bog off. because you get two politicians. Yeah. Profumo, got to be a famous affair. Oh, yes. It was an affair in both senses. Yeah.

Cecil Parkinson's. What are about senses? Well, as in because it was called the Profumo affair, meaning the whole business of it. And an actual affair. But then it also was literally an affair. Oh, come on. I don't know if I'd call Profumo an affair.

Oh. Because I think that weren't the women being paid? Yes. Oh, do you not count? I thought you meant it wasn't worthy of being called an affair. Like it was some lower level scandal. No, no, I'm going economics. I don't think you can pay for an affair, can you?

Useful Intel Cath? Were they, though, not being paid by him? Were they not being paid by the Russians to sleep with him or something? So he could have thought it was an affair? An affair, though. I don't know. No, I don't think it's... An affair sounds to me like it's got some love in it.

Okay. Okay. I don't think there was any love in Profumo and Christine Keeler. No. Yeah. But David Miller, I'm going to have to allow him because that was an affair. Was there any love in it? Well, I mean, now you're asking a lot with love, really, with these Tory MPs.

And of course, Matt Hancock more recently. Oh, yes, but then you know what, Reader, he married her. Yeah. Yeah, that makes it all right. Yeah, yeah. He does. He was kind of the only Tory I liked. He sort of felt like he was like the dog of the dog of the...

group. He had the brain of a Labrador and you couldn't really hold him morally culpable because he was so stupid. And he was just doing things like I just love parkour. It's a great way to learn about your body. I just don't want a Labrador being in charge of a major pandemic. I definitely agree with that. If we learned anything from the pandemic. You know, they're lovely dog. But Labradors, no. Yeah. Shih Tzu's maybe. Do you want to know about Damien currently based in China? Of course. So we led on to this because Damien was a government affairs person. And he went to a lot of party conferences.

One of these found me in the sage gateshead, waiting in a line to get a sandwich between behind soon-to-be-chancellor George Osborne. He confirmed all my working-class resentment when after glancing at the menu, he turned to his lackey and said, ham and peas pudding, what exactly is peas pudding? I stood seething at his poshness and willfully. ignorant snobbery but said nothing. I was there to shmuse his ilk after all. Getting back to my stand, I resentfully spat,

this confirms everything I think about this people, anecdote, out to my boss, who was also offended, until she said, saying that, what is peas pudding? Anyway, it turned out neither of us actually had any idea. There's a lesson there, I'm sure, Damien in China. I like that, Damien, very self-war. But also, it turns out none of us really know what it is,

except for Frank. Well, I know it's lentily, and it goes dry in the past, So it's not sweet, piece pudding. No, it's not sweet. Oh, I thought it was treacle tart or something? Oh, no, no, no. Oh, God, it's so wrong. You know that thing that people use?

Is it called pimento? Yes. Palenta. Palenta. Palenta. It's a working class polenta. Okay. I bet the Gateshead Sage knows what it is.

Sounds like the Delphic Oracle, but for the North East. Exactly. Wait, Eamon, you got asked the Delphic Siege, that. Gun till Delphick Siege. And she'll tell you what's peas pudding. I'm going to see that... Will we win the beauty was? Maybe that's Chris Ramsey's name.

I come to the shop for tabs. I bumped into a gate, said, Sage. He said, a great cloud will fall on society. Does he talk about his sturt? I said, talk straight, man. She said Sunderland will fall. I love the Gateshead, save. I'm obsessed.

So much better than the Oracle. Yeah, beautiful. Who needs Delphi? Yeah, he's got to have a local one. Pablo's also got in touch regarding that. Right. Is it a cube esteem? Yeah.

He's in his blue period. Yeah. We can't really all out. He's treating women very poorly. Yeah. A regular addition to a Saveloid dip or a hamstotty, whatever that is. Hamstotty. Sounds like he plays left back for Stoke.

I think Estottie is a kind of a BAP, isn't it? Okay, yeah. Okay. I highly recommend sampling it the next time you're up Newcastle Way. So it's seen as a northeastern piece. Apparently so, yeah. This is starting to make sense, because my dad was from County Durham,

and he might have bought it down. Because we had some meals that none of my friends had, like Panhagatee. Panhaggety? Yeah. Sounds like a martial art. Yeah. No, I think that sounds very Dickens character, doesn't it?

Layer of potato, layer of bacon, layer of onion and then keep layer in until you reach the top of the bowl. Oh, okay, sort of like a cursed lasagna. I love that Sherlock Holmes tale. It's one of my favourites. The lasagna of the basketballs. Watson, this cursed lasagna. This Irishman, Pan Haggaty, has told me where it can be found.

Sort of offensively drawn, like, navvy character. They didn't know much of them. It was quite offensive. They didn't know. Pan-agate is like a dryad who lives in the Irish woods. Plays of pipe and surrounded by virgins. Oh, that's a shame.

That would be a nice part for me. Like Epstein's flautist. So Pablo is from the north of east of England. I like Pablo because he's very direct. He sort of said, look, I'm writing to you in relation to your dismissive reference. I don't think it was this. I think I was, but you know, what's new.

But, you know, we all have a role to play on this podcast. Absolutely, yeah. And Pablo does hail from the north-east of England. I'm not sure if he's familiar with the Gateshead Sage. No, but he should be. So, yeah, I think, are we cleared up on what that is now? I feel confident I could... The Gates-Said Sage?

No, he's pudding. If someone asks me to a dinner party, I could... I don't think I'm cleared up at all. I don't think at any point we've actually hit on what it is. I'm finding your honesty deeply. convenient. I've told you what it is. It's a protein stroke fibre.

Well, now you're selling it to the zone two, London Liberal. Yeah, exactly. It's a protein snack. I imagine. When I first met in London, I was mocked for eating beetroot as it being a very lower-end thing. And now it's quite, you see. Yeah, but you had a few things like that. He didn't know about steak, Tata.

It was so sweet. I know. Of course I didn't know. I know. My dad once said to me, he was like, it's a shame you don't like Beatroot. And I was like, why? And he goes, because it's very nice.

And I'm like, yeah, but I don't like it. So it's a subjective statement. He's like, no, but if you liked it, you'd get a lot of enjoyment out of it like I do. I then got into this kind of Socratic Alencus with him, but it doesn't make any conceptual sense because I can't get any enjoyment out of it because I don't like it. He's like, no, but it'd be better if you did.

And I'm like, but I do like some things. I'm not like an hedonic. Yeah. You see, my problem is I like, I really, Really, really like Beat True, but would I say that I get enjoyment out of it? It's a big thing. Yeah, but I don't know if you get enjoyment out of food per se. I don't think you're a foodie, as you've said.

I don't think you associate food with joy. You associate cybermen with joy, whereas food is just fuel to you. Do you understand? That is correct. Okay. Yeah. No, my dad had that kind of like food stocked out. Yeah.

What else from the outside world? Well, we've had a few. other thing? Can I say by Milo used about three words in quick succession then? I didn't know what any of them meant. I saw you struggling with... Should we cover them? Peacefitting style. Well usually I stopped people and asked but they

came in such a torrent. There was no gap. Well I tell you what he's very clever. You went to one of the Oxford Cambridgees. I've never been accused of coming in the torrent before. Cambridge. What did you do? Hold on you went to Cambridge and then you lived in Russia for three years. I wonder what you're

job is, have you been investigated by MI5? The thing of it, I've met spies and they're all very boring. People are always like, you'd make a great spy. I'm like, no, I wouldn't. I'm a huge gossip. Oh, yes, you can't be a gossip, can you? Yeah, I met a bunch of foreign office people from the British embassy when I was in Moscow, some of whom must have been spies. And they were all incredibly boring, and they spoke incredibly crap Russian.

I'm surprised it attracted all those gay men in the 60s if there's no gossip. What's happened? They were all gossiping. That was the problem. Oh, I see. Oh, they weren't. Have you seen what she's up to? Well, he's very, he's very drunk.

Oh, God, that could see his shoes. Yeah. So did you do Russian, did you do Russian at Cambridge or? No, I taught myself to speak it. I did classics. What? Duolingo. Yeah, no, pre-Diolingo.

He did classics. Oh, we love classics. He did the gate said sage. Well, they should have. That was sort of Roman Britain stuff. Did you? Did you? Did you know Russian?

Had you done it when you were school then? No, so one of my best mates at Cambridge, still one of my best mates, is a Russian guy. And I went a couple of times with him sort of on holiday. And then I kind of taught myself a bit of Russian before I went. And then I was good enough at it that I was like, I reckon I can get this fluent if I go there for a year. You didn't have any lessons.

You must have read a book or something. Oh, yeah. But the thing is I'd spent like three years doing incredibly in-depth ancient languages at Cambridge. So I was pretty confident on how to figure out a language. because it's sort of like Russian compared to ancient Greeks I suppose if you've done Greek you've done it all If you did classics

It's no longer Greek to me No I love that I'd buy that book Yeah Although it was If you did classics at Cambridge You must have been taught by Mary Beard Were you?

I was yeah How did you know that Frank Does she just been there Well she teaches classics at Cambridge But for that long I didn't know she's always been there I can't She doesn't move around

I feel like I can't I can't tell my Mary Beard story as well Oh, that's a shame. Yeah, yeah. We did have one mad lecturer, though, called Robin Osborne, who always used to wear, because there was some obscure rule that you couldn't wear green and red shoes at King's College,

where he was a fellow, and he used to wear one green shoe and one red shoe. Oh. Always. And then he would always kind of, it would elongate every single word. And he's kind of always like this. And then occasionally some particularly difficult...

Oh, God, it sounds like Mariah Carey. Yeah, it was sort of like an old English. English, Mariah Carey. I remember him once tackling the ancient Greek name Niaira, and it was like, Niaira. Yeah, it was quite, yeah, it was undulating. Yeah, it sounds like, you know when you're trying to get the right frequency on an old radio? Well, maybe next, you see, Mariloh, I like, you had a few words.

Frank, I will say this. He will always own it. If he doesn't know a word, I've heard you do that. Yeah, but they've gone now. I know one that you looked baffled by. No, I had, there was three. It was anahedonic. Anhedonic.

Anhedonic. What does that mean? Greek. Yeah, someone who doesn't experience pleasure. I know that just because it's a term that's used in therapy sometimes. Right, yeah, yeah. So like, head on air is the Greek for pleasure. And then A-R-R-R-A-R-R-S.

Oh, it's like hedonism? Not. Yeah, yeah, exactly, yeah. Love it. I'm learning so much. Yeah. I went to a comedian show once with my director. I won't say who it was, but he's a very,

I went to Oxford-type comedian. I know him already. And my director was sort of fan. We both agree. He's a many-headed beast. And the show, the show wasn't his best. But there was a bit in it where he said some like foreign language tang. And then he said, that's Latin in quite a smug way.

And I leaned over to her and I went, it's Greek. And I'm like, if you're going to do it, you've got to get it right. If you're going to be that smug. If you're going to do it, do it right, as George Michael said. Yeah, exactly. George Michael wouldn't make that mistake. Andrew originally, maybe. Georgeos, York would not make that mistake.

He absolutely would not. You're just Michalis. Can I just say as an addendum to this that Milo said I wouldn't be, I couldn't be a spy because I like gossiping too much. And then I asked them about Mary Beard and he said, I can't tell my Mary Beard stories. I'll tell you after the show.

Your witness. Oh, God's sake. Spy. Well, the FSB are trying to get my Marybeard material out. of me. What is she doing over there? We need to know. The researching Roman women.

We need to know what the British are discovering about the sexual habits of women in ancient Rome. Oh, dear. So, um... Come on. Come on. The next episode of Frank Skinner's radio days is out on Wednesday. So don't worry about what...

It's the old days. Well, you're going to explain what the radio was to me. No, just days. You don't need that. You're a spy. You know very well. Some people used to listen to you back in a day. Yeah.

And no message from Milo, the golden leopard, will walk through a red forest. That's from Plutarch, I believe. We're still in, is that Mickey Mouse's dog? So we're still in 2012, this is on Frank Skinner's radio days, and this time we're talking about stealing leftover chips, something to look forward to. Yeah, dipping them in your peas pudding. Yeah, it worked. It's the Frank Skinner podcast.

A new winter change is blowing. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. I'm not totally sure how it's going. Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via Frank off the radio at avalonuK.com.