The Frank Skinner Show - Sky Writing

Episode Date: June 2, 2025

This week Frank has felt edgy in a bookshop and had a pizza delivery mishap. There's also correspondence about Daunt Book's geographical sorting system and the adpoted comedian Frank was mistaken for. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It's Frank off the radio, featuring him and that posh lady-o, and the one with the French name, from South Africa came. They're all here, open brackets, hooray! Close brackets today! Hey! This is Frank off the radio. I'm joined by Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. Follow the podcast on X and Instagram. Dukes of Hazard Radio. You can email the podcast via frank457 417 769. That sounds like it's been by someone from the dukes. It's of a prospecting podcast.

Yeah. You're listening to GoldPod. Best places to find gold. Next week in the hills. Just arrived with the old mule. The old mule and the old microphone. We did a broadcast. I suppose We are panning for gold. Well, we are. In many ways. I was watching last week, I was watching the final day of the

Premier League season on Sky and they went to Old Trafford, to Manchester. And there's a thing that the bigger clubs do, which I really like, and they have banners up for players who played in the 40s and stuff like that. Bobby Charlton who played more recently than that, but there's one that says Bobby Charlton, born in Ashington, made in Manchester. And I like the fact they still, they recognise their history and their traditions.

And I was looking at these at Old Trafford and I thought, oh, I'm Brian Robson Bobby. And then I saw one that said, Glaciers, they are the American, Glers, colon, 20 years of theft and lies. Oh my God. A massive big banner. Really? It was on Sky TV. Were you inspired to write a song? Yes, I wonder if they could make it work to 30 years.

But wow, a big... They don't hold back. Imagine putting millions into a club and turning up and there's your family name. It's literally someone standing under your roof. Someone that was made that. I mean it was big. A really big banner. It's quite an interesting intersection in the football world, isn't it, between just

really sort of red-blooded love of a sport and then equally passionate kind of like macho quite frightening opinions on financial management. Well yeah I mean I think yeah because I really have no idea how West Bromwich Albion is wrong. I knew when we had like... You used to say well we're still owned by that bloke aren't we? Well I didn't like our Chinese billionaire who wasn't a billionaire. Like Donald Trump. But yeah, we should have brought in the tariffs. We were a local Indian family who bought the clump. Like, no, I think they weren't. What's the best banner?

Well, do you remember that banner, Frank? It became quite famous. It was someone standing there holding a banner. And they were quite serious. It was no joke. It just said, Big Ron's full-length leather, because he wore a leather jacket. But there was no joke, it was just a statement of fact that Big Ron always wore the full length leather. It's those blokes who actually hire a plane to fly over with a message on.

That's quite Simon Cowell isn't it? I mean who does that? Who thinks I'm really angry about the ownership of the club? Hello is that Dave's flying banners? Oh man. You've got to work on your anger management. You're bankrupting this family with your constantly hiring biplanes. Would the Red Arrows do that for the right price? No, they're military people. They do it for the king. The king was sufficiently... The king had beef. The king would write, monstrous carmuncle about some new building and the red arrows

would flood... I'd love that if he'd hired that to go to Paternoster Square. No, but you know when you see those things in photographs where people sky write, does that really happen? Very big for proposals, I believe. Oh write. Oh yeah, proposal. Does that really happen? Yeah, very big for proposals I believe. Oh gosh. Oh gosh. Yeah. What was yours? You didn't do that. You said should we do it? I said should we get married and then I got an enormous series of qualifiers from my partner. I've got to be honest I prefer that but that's just me. She'd have had to abort another plane with the word bat nine nose on it.

Anyway I want to look into skywriting. Yeah. Why? What on earth would you put up there? We can plug the podcast can't we? That's true. Yeah. How long does it last though? You don't want noise over David Bedil's house. Where would you have it? But this is a problem. How long does the advert last? It depends on the weather, I suppose. Yeah. It's throwing money at Viper.

It is, yeah. And also you have to be looking at it. Viping, of course, is a boom industry. You have to see it from the right angle. Obviously from a distance it would just look like clouds. Yeah. And the person it's for, I mean how many people just walk around looking in the air? Also how reliable is the writing? What if it was the incorrect message misspelled?

Misspelled? Yeah. What if it was a pilot pilot with really bad handwriting? Couldn't what if be terrible if the message was there hanging there and still down you couldn't read his handwriting? Will you marry me? No, you can't spell. Father Mark Mary, I hate this. Anyway.

Frank, the other day we were debating whether or not Daunt Books has exclusively in your area, Frank, a geographical sorting system or if it's something that Daunt Books does globally. Well, par example, the Daunt Books at the bottom of my road, when you walk in there's a bookcase that says South America and and over there there's one that says South West... I should say, I've seen this in the Marlabone branch. I assume this was because it was a dedicated travel specific bookshop. Apparently it's a dog thing.

I have always guessed that it started as a travel shop and they couldn't be bothered to change their claim. And then Tim Waterstone bought it. Yeah but literally in a bookcase that says South East Asia you will get novels, poetry, travel books all from that area. They're not classified by the type of book. I got sent a photo that was very thrilling for me because it was a photo someone had taken of my book in a Dawn book so now I'm wondering wondering if that was under a big banner labeled Autism Topia. No, it would be. South Africa. It could be under Africa. No one will ever find it.

The dust covered Isle of Man shelf at the back. Just me and a guide to water wheels. Does that mean yours is under Birmingham? Mine would have to be under Highgate. But it tends to be continental things, you know, continents rather than Birmingham. Well, we've heard from Neil in High Wycombe who says, hi, Frank, Emily and Pierre. I heard Frank scorn at the geographical organization of books at Daunt. I actually think this is the perfect way to order the shop. For instance, if you are going on holiday somewhere, you can just go to the section that relates to the country that you are visiting and select a book set in that country. Great for Frank's next beach holiday reads. That's the one time it works. Okay, what about all the cons?

Well, Neil says, it's also handy if you happen to be racist or prejudiced and want to avoid books from a certain place. I suppose so. I never think they're big readers, but maybe I'm wrong. No, they like the websites, don't they? I think they probably read mainly skywriting and banners. I'm afraid they do like the podcasts, Frank. Not us, can I say?

Yes, they do, but no, probably not us. Neil also feels our scorn should be a bit more reserved for, say, foils. He says, it makes a lot more sense than when foils used to categorize their books by publisher, or even more sense than some of the current categories you find in bookshops. And this is a good observation. Smart thinking or trending on TikTok. Oh, you're joking. Oh, that's so depressing.

Booktalk is huge. If you can get your book to pop off on Booktalk, all the children will read it. Stendhal, Stendhal, trending on TikTok. Wittgenstein is huge on Booktalk. So hot right now. The kids can't get enough of his linguistic theories. Yeah, but they're not all, they're not all books that you'd expect to be on TikTok. There are surprises, aren't there? That's true. Yeah, every now and then.

We should be glad there are books on TikTok. We are. And even a stop clock is right twice a day. Yeah. I went to the Waterstones at Piccadilly Circus in London. It's like a fortress. I love that story. And I got a 30 quid book voucher to spend for a 30 quid water stuff. Who did you get that from if you don't mind me asking? My personal assistant.

So keep the relatable stuff coming. Yeah, you asked me. I did. I could have lied. That's very sweet that she got you that. I got it from Bono. So I went That's very sweet that she got you that. I got it from Bono. I went to the poetry section, I thought I'll get myself some poetry, and there was a bloke who worked there who was doing, he's reordering or tidying the section and the way he did it, he'd get about eight books together and then slam them into the book. It was like, I don't know if you've ever sat in a pub where West Indians are playing dominoes but the domino comes from over

the head and bang! Slams down onto the table, that's why. And he was like that, he was, I wish I could simulate the noise. Boom! Boom, fall, fall, boom! The next six went in. Do you think it was passive aggressive? Was he angry or was it just, no? That's his poetry. I think he was just thought, you know, I work in a silly, effeminate bookshop, so I'm going to be a bit butch and overcompensate. Do you think maybe he's just an angry stacker and it makes no no bones to him if it's tinned food or he's in it for the snacking? I just,

I couldn't work out. He was so brutal. It was so loud. I would have said something. And I'm not really troubled by noise like you two are. But it actually drove me away. Like you two neurotics. It drove me away. It drove me away, honestly. I couldn't even think about the books with these constant banging going on. That's the perfect time for a, do you mind?

I would have absolutely said something. Would you have addressed it directly or would you have been a bit pass act? No, I went up to some boys when I was... He was doing his job though. I don't care. I went up to some boys on Brighton Beach only the other day and I'd just been up to see Susie Roffel and these school children, French school children, were throwing pebbles. And I went and remonstrated with them. I said, please stop doing that immediately.

In French? No, I said it in English. Okay. Well, that was at least something for them to be working with. Arrête avec les pierres. Fais attention, c'est dangereux. C'est dangereux. I said, please stop doing that immediately, because I felt too angry.

I thought, why should I speak your language? Please stop doing that immediately. It's fantastic. And do you know what, Frank? They did. Did they? Well, I realized they had uniforms on. And then I saw the teacher later, and they were obviously thinking she can idea us.

I thought you were suggesting it was some sort of Napoleonic invasion. Stop that! Remember those Japanese soldiers in jungles in like 1961, still fighting World War Two? Still a couple of kids out there holding a candle to the Emperor. My point being though, that I would have once resisted that for fear of coming across as the old bag in the 1950s film. I keep it nice clean now so no one knows trouble in. I didn't care about being the old bag.

No, why not? I thought, you know what, I'm leaning into the old bag. Be the old, I've leaned into a few old bags in my time. Frank. Sorry, I thought we were all joining in sharing our experiences. No, as ever, no, you've got it wrong. I'm a bit edgy with booksellers generally. When I'm buying books, I want it to be, like I bought a book two weeks ago and there's some new sort of cheap penguin books coming

out that have got white covers. I don't know if you've seen them around. Yes I do. They're kind of designed I think to sort of go with people's interiors. Are they? Which troubles me slightly but anyway as you were. Really? Does people have white interiors? Oh yeah well there's a big trend as well for buying. Which troubles me slightly, but anyway, as you were. Erm, really? Do people have white interiors, do they? Oh yeah, well there's a big trend as well for buying... Kinder eggs. They do.

There's a big... They're banned now. C'est dangereux. Only in America. Yes. There is a new trend, isn't there, for buying books according to spine colour? Oh, don't even mention that. I've seen them on eBay and it says 18 red books and you can buy them because, oh man. Buying them by weight. To be fair it was communist China. Well maybe they meant they'd already been read. Maybe that's what they meant. Oh red

books! Well they've misspelted so they hadn't read with any great attention. Anyway, go on, white covers with a sort of slightly minimalist... So I bought one and the guy, I mean he was nice, he was nice, I said, oh I see you've discovered our white penguins. I thought Charles Darwin had come in and was standing behind me. And you've got beef with him. Yeah. And I just thought, I don't know. I don't want it to be spoken to about what I'm buying. Yes.

Oh, did you not? I don't like that. You don't wish to be observed in that moment. I bought a volume two of a Coleridge biography. And the guy said, oh, have you read the first one? Ow, no. Mind your own business. I really don't like it. Do you fill that with everything you buy or is it peculiar? No books. I regularly

go in one of those Oxfam book shops and I went in there once and the bloke says, you come in here a lot don't you, usually on a Tuesday. Does that put you off going in? And then he said, you're probably the only person that buys poetry books in here. I said, I don't want this to be happening. And then he said, of course you know the thing is you'll die and all these books will probably end up back in here. Oh, cheers. Wow! You'll die, it's never a great hope. No, I'm not saying I won't, but I mean I hold out a tiny hope. I don't like it as well because he's kind of profiling you a bit like that man who in that terrible miscarriage of justice, Frank, poetry loving neighbour, landlord.

Oh yes, exactly. There's a little bit of criminal profiling. The guy who the son thought was a murderer because he had over a thousand books, many of them poetry was the quote. Literally. Arrest him immediately. Based on that. He had a comb over as well, which I must admit swayed me a little. And he once died his head slightly blue. Did he? Yeah, but anyway, he was exonerated obviously now.

Yes. Was that guy even working there? Just wouldn't stop talking to you to go reaction It a resort to reminding you of the the guarantee of death. No, he was he was working there. It's I'm in Mark Bergman sponsored a book And then I carry it down the road I always carry it with the cover facing inwards unless someone was the road. I always carry it with the cover facing inwards, lest someone should say. Yes. I totally understand that. It's a private thing in the book.

I think there's an intimacy. And also, I don't really want to know your opinions on it. No. Yeah. It's also difficult to know what to say. As if you're in a shop and someone goes, oh, I see you've discovered our white penguins. Then you just go, yes. Yes, I have. I have. Yes. Will there be anything else? What I should have said, I was like, I don't want it now. You've said that.

You've touched it with your words, now it's dirty with your eyes. Exactly. It was white. Not anymore. It's tarnished. Can I give you a little tip? When dealing with unwanted comments like that, I find it very helpful to talk in the tone of voice I would use for my dog. It really unnerves people, Frank. So if he says, I see you've discovered our white penguins, I go, yes!

Yes! Good! I'm trying to remember how I talk to my... People never know how to react when you do it. Good boy! How do you talk to Poppy? I um... I once saw Emily live and she got dog owners on stage and got them to reproduce their voices they use for their dogs. It was very very funny indeed. When I come down in the morning I generally say, are you or are you not she who is known as the dog of dogs? That's how I begin my address.

Do you really say that before? Yeah. I don't know why, she's leaping up and down in excitement. Really? But the dog of dogs is a thing that's really stuck with me. I've heard you've been very sweetly affectionate with her. You do this whole thing. No, I've completely given in now. I love it. Sometimes you go, oh, Poppy. Yeah, I do. Yeah. And because she's female, can you say the B word for dogs? I'm comfortable with it and that's all that matters in this room.

Okay. Well, I've got 99 problems with poppy-oat-what. That's what I'd say. It means I can say, what a lovely little lady you are and stuff like that. I've never had a female dog before, so... That would have got rid of the book guy. What a lovely little lady you are. Oh, penguins. He would have gone, oh, I'm the only dog. I don't see any point in having a dog if you're not going to speak to them as if it's a human being. In fact, a better than average human being, a human being that gets all your references,

as in prayer. Yes. Well, some be, I find some men, they still like to talk to them in a slightly army way. You get those blokes. We used to live by a bloke, my dad used to go on about it. He'd be in the garden, he'd say, hey, get here, get here now! And then you're here, Bill, yeah, come in, come in darling. And he got up, that old man used to love it. Terrified of the wife, but the poor old dog. So listen, this is something I need to tell you before we go into readers letters and all that.

First of all we had friends around to watch a TV show. Lovely, which show? One of the realities. Was it, oh it's quite vague, can you be a bit more specific? I can't remember which one it was. Real Housewives of Beverly Hills? No, no nothing like that. I mean a specific? I can't remember which one it was. Real Housewives of Beverly Hills? No, no, nothing like that. I mean a big, I can't watch those things.

Well, come on. It was something like a, you know, Like a Britain's Got Talent. Was this recently? Fairly recently, yeah. Okay, it'll be Britain's Got Talent. And I said to Kath, I said, we need to feed them, obviously.

What time was it? It was like, you know, it was a Saturday evening. So she said we could go to Domino's. I said, where is that? And she said Domino's, everybody likes pizza. And I was envisaging a sort of a some NYC Italian restaurant with a photograph of Tony Benny with the manager on the wall. I said I don't know where it is. She said it's like the big pizza. I went hold on a minute, do you mean Domino's? She said, oh, is it Domino's? You're kidding.

I'm honestly, I said you are, that's exactly my thought. I thought it was a joke. She said, I honestly thought it was, I've always called it Domino's. Domino's? What? Has she called the game Domino's Domino's as well? I don't think she did.

I don't think she dissociated it too. She just thought it was a brand. The logo of Domino's is a domino. There's no other way to put it. She doesn't eat pizza. The pot thickens. Remember, this is the woman who bought you Ari-Andy Grandy. And GK Chesterton, instead of GK Barry.

And always insists on saying Mew Isley. That's good. And GK Chesterton instead of GK Barry. And always insists on saying Muaisley. That's good. That's a good bit. Anyway, so I said, okay, we'll get, that's what we'll do. We'll get Domino's. Domino's. No, I was very insistent.

Domino's. There was a bit of a debate. She wouldn't accept it at first. I'd have loved it if the man had answered the phone and go hello Domino's. Domino's speaking. So we opted for Domino's and our friends came around and one of our friends ordered the vegetarian supreme. Fancy. Which I think is quite um fancy which I think is quite yeah it's quite a grand title for a vegetarian thing they've changed haven't they vegetarians used to be a humble gentle folk yeah you know if you had a child you'd say if you get lost like a vegetarian or a woman if you see anyone in a restaurant having a salad, ask them for help.

They're very non-threatening. Now they've become supremacists with their vegetarian... vegetarian supreme. So I allowed it to be... I thought it was... I said it's a bit triumphalist for a vegetarian, isn't it? Didn't go that well. So we ordered that. We ordered about eight pizzas.

Did you? They even had those. Do you remember there was a period where they had those pasta things that had like chocolate cream eggs and they were cooked into them. Yes. Did you have that? So yeah, we had some of those. Did you enjoy it? Oh yeah, we had some of those as well. Did you enjoy it?

It was Saturday. Yeah. Anyway, they arrived, these things. Is that, oh, I thought you were referring to your friends. The pizzas from Domino's. Goddamn aliens. The vegetarian supreme was so healthy. Was it?

So scant in fat. Oh. And that when we opened the box it was completely empty. What? It was just, it said vegetarian supreme, but the box, there wasn't even a smear on it. No pizza had been in that box. You got an empty box. So an actual empty box was delivered. All the rest was there, but then there was, and

I just thought it was perfect. It was the vegetarian one. That's so funny. It was so scant in fact. It'd be an incredibly sarcastic thing for a restaurant to do. Yeah, I'm just making the vegetarian option now. The supreme. No, don't worry, it's coming. So Kat was absolutely furious.

So it's one of those things, it was, we were on Uber Eats and there's no Uber Deets for Uber Eats for someone you can call up and say so she went on and Was sending emails and was really angry and the other person says it's okay. I'll just have to say that Yeah, and you feel bad don't you? We feel bad and exactly and So it went on like that. I always thought, you know, I thought if we're going to turn a blind eye to illegal e-bikes, they can at least deliver the right to stop. But it didn't come. So Kath was phoning about it, I would say three weeks later.

Still phoning, I write phone calls. And at one point the person said, and we've looked at our records, we refunded this four weeks ago. Kath hadn't noticed. Yeah, but I have never in my life had an empty pizza box, or as Domino's call it, a double blank. Yeah.

That's quite surreal. It is? Yeah. And they were all stacked together. You wouldn't have guessed that one of them was empty. No. I had a moment with one of those app-based takeaway delivery things the other day where the guy handed me the sort of bag, pink bag, and as I sort of took possession of it, sort of hand to hand, like, you know, in the Sistine Chapel, as I took it, something had leaked

or had been improperly packed, and so the second I took it, it just burst. Oh, no. The entire order was just- You sure it wasn't your big autistic Hulk fist? That is so rude. But I didn't grab it from the underneath. He didn't go on about my big Hulk autistic fist. You had to cut that chapter. It's been covered in so many other slices. It's not like the Hulk. It's like a lovely South African.

Look, the bloke was carrying this bag. It was fine. It burst. What do you think happened? No, it was in his unsettling little silver bag until that point. Do you know what I hate? I hate it when the bike stops. You know when you can hear the little scooter outside? Oh yeah. I really resent when I hear my neighbors getting take away. Cluttering up my evening with your noise of your scooter, this rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr It's more rare that it's anyone on a bike. It makes a loudspeaker through the car speaker's phone call, and you can hear the ringing through their car. I've got that in the street. I don't think I've ever heard that. Why do you not hear things like that?

I can hear it from 10 miles away. It's awful. Does nothing bother you about hearing things? Well, I just live in quite a... There's always people, because I live near to Hampstead Heath, there's always people drunk at 3 a.m. shouting and stuff like that. David doesn't drink anymore. But you know, if people go in the summer they just go and party on there all night. Yes, Frank gave it a brilliant impression once, because why do I always hear people outside and how do they go back? You sometimes just go, ehh.

So there's always a bloke at three in the morning. What I always do is if I,, I always make a mental note of the time. So I think if someone's being killed, at least I'll be able to put a sort of timeframe in it for the police. You'll be on the Netflix series. Yeah. But I never think I better go out there and make sure these people aren't hurting each

other. I never think that. Talking to an American comedian who'd made the mistake of, he came over to London to do some shows and he made the mistake of thinking, I'll stay in Soho. That's nice and central. And obviously he's staying in some building where it's illegal for it to have anything other than single pane glass. And it's just back clubs and... Bless his heart.

It's a very naive move. But he said, he said, you guys are loud at night. And I thought we are. I don't think you get as much in other countries. I don't think it's new. There was a bloke, I think in the 17th century, a French writer who described London as one long shout. I know what he means. Yeah.

Yeah, but I've just got so used to it now. I quite like the idea of these people around. I think it sort of keeps the ghosts away. Oh, you can't stop going on about these ghosts again. The ghosts would appear if it wasn't for a sort of bellowing his head. Exactly. Exactly. No, I don't like going to that area. Too many inebriated characters around. Exactly.

Even the gals are frightened. They've got to start a fight with me. And they'll probably just sit there. One of them is sick through me. Not a very threatening looking type around the Soho area tonight. And I didn't even have my condoms. Oh, do you know this creepy ghost stuff is very unsettling for me. But there's something in the English or British character that requires bellowing. Two or three a.m. Well, it may require alcohol first that requires bellowing. Two or three a.m. bellowing.

They require alcohol first and then bellowing. Oh yeah. Yeah, did you ever meet my family? I mean, that was my childhood, hearing actors bellowing for six hours whilst talking about, whilst drinking red wine and talking about Doctor Who. No offence, Frank. Well, I had a bloke going up the street one night and he was going, WAAAAAAAHHHHH! And there was like a dragging sound, like he was pushing something along. You know when you queue at an airport, you push your, this is pre-wheels,

you push your luggage around with your foot, it was like he was doing that. So tacky when people do that. But the way my room is, I can't really get, I have to stand on a chair to look through the window. I couldn't be bothered to do that. But it sounded like he was transporting a corpse. A corpse. He was still...

Why else be moaning? He was still angry at the person who he's murdered. Yeah. Oh, now you're in my way! So angry, he was taking it home to kill him some more. Oh God. Probably taking it home for butchering. Yeah.

Yeah. It's not worth carrying it, is it? No. You're not going to do him any more harm. And you're just happily sleeping on, letting this pass. He sounded terrifying, that guy. Yeah, there's a real sort of like, sounds of the jungle kind of threatening to some of the bellowing.

Yeah, exactly. I mean, that was like an animal-like scream. Should we end on some sort of correspondence to get me out of this? Scream loop. To get me out of this... Scream loop. To get you out of this episode of 24 hours in police custody. Exactly. Which we appear to have strangely wandered in with. What about Anora from London?

Good name. Who says, Hi Frank and team, I was listening to a recent episode in which Frank was mistaken for an adopted comedian. Could the accuser have been mixing Frank up with Dara O'Briain? Because his most recent show is about accidentally gaslighting a man into thinking he was his biological father. That's an aura from London. This must have been a bullp though because she said, I've just read your autobiography I was adopted as well. Maybe Dara O'Briain has one. Dara O'Briain, Stuart Lee. The only reason I shared this is because I'm really proud of the way I pronounced Dara O'Briain's name correctly. Do you have names like that when you think yeah I got it right? Oh yeah I remember I still have this in my head forever because I did a student comedy

show when I was at university and one of the acts had one of the sort of 17 syllable names you sometimes get from Sri Lanka. Oh yeah. Oh did you do it right? I nailed it. Fantastic. Oh and I was rehearsing it much more than any material. So it could have been a mix-up.

Yeah I once introduced Joe Wilkinson as Jack Whitehall. You did? I was just thinking JW, JW, JW. And not only that, but the audience applauded. And then he came on and there was a bit, oh, has Jack Whitehall been on a desert island? Has Jack Whitehall gone through sort of an India LSD sort of Beatles phase? And I remember Joe Wilkinson looked at me and said, it's Joe Wilkinson. Like I hadn't realised by that point. I was terrible. I felt awful.

He's such a nice man. Yeah, I didn't do it on purpose. I get brought on a lot with some sort of Italian flair that's not really there. Oh, do you? Yeah, the novelie. Ah, because if they've never... Next time I introduce Joe Wilkinson, I'll go, just push him, drag him on with my foot to the microphone.

That'd be quite a good sort of Becketian stand-up show. The MC just screams and pushes the next act on, regardless of if they're ready. I'd love that. Sort of Grim Reaper relay. Did you read out what they'd said. I'd love that. It's sort of a Grim Reaper relay. Did you read out what they'd said? I can't remember. Yes, it was a piece of information suggesting. Oh yes, so it could be Dara O'Briain. Possibly it was Dara O'Briain. I've never heard you mixed up with him. Stephen Tomkinson, yes. Yes. Graham Norton, yes. Never Dara O'Brien. Yeah. I was in Soho on St. Patrick's Day and I saw Dara O'Brien march past. You know we're still on air, don't you? Yeah.

Okay. With a ghost. I saw him march past holding a Guinness and wearing a bowler hat and I thought, there, that's what you want to see. Wow. St. Patrick's Day. An Irish celebrity having a Guinness wearing a sort of formal hat. Yes. Yes it is when it's nice I saw Alan Carr in Old Compton Street and I said hello and he went where else? We'll have to do more I'm not giving him the last laugh. Okay. Can we say, to put that into context, that is partly because Buzz once said Alan Carr was Frank.

His favourite comedian. Yep. Ever? Is that? I don't know if it's ever. He hasn't finished liking comedians yet. I've got a quick... He's a funny comedian, I don't object to that. We've got a... it's not exactly a correction, but do you remember you were talking about your top from Pretty Green?

Yes. Liam sold Pretty Green. We just need you to know that. So Liam is no longer involved. In 2019, the brand, this is from 828, the brand was acquired by JD Sports. Oh, I don't like that. I wonder why you've got a massive mug that I use for tea, like a pint mug that's JD Sports. I did a zoom with someone and I had a drink and he said, I don't know, suddenly I really feel like I want to go and shop at JD Sports. That's steadily dawned on me what

he was getting at. I got this big branded new mob. It's a bit GB News. Was acquired by JD Sports after falling into administration, I'm afraid, Pretty Green. And it became insolvent. Subsequently, Fraser's group acquired Pretty Green from JD Sports. So Liam apparently is no longer involved in it. But you've still got your free merch.

Look, I like this stuff. Hashtag gifted. Look I like the stuff. Hashtag gifted. That's from 828. Okay. Well we'll end on that then. It's a bit of a strange one to end on. Well done JD Sport. I'm buying pretty good. Better luck next time Liam Gallagher. What he needs is another big project this year, which will make him a lot of money,

but I can't think of anything he might have in the pipeline. Ideally something that would destroy accommodation for the Edinburgh Fringe. Yeah? No, I don't know. Beats me. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. The new winter change is blowing. It's the Frank Skinner podcast.

I'm not totally sure how it's going to be. I'm not sure how it's going to be. I'm not sure how it's going to be. I'm not sure how it's going to be. I'm not sure how it's going to be. I'm not sure how it's going to be. I'm not sure how it's going to be. I'm not sure how it's going to be. I'm not sure how it's going to be. I'm not sure how it's going to be. I'm not sure how it's going to be. A new winter change is blowing. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. I'm not totally sure how it's going.

Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via frankofftheradio at avalonuk.com.