The Frank Skinner Show - Speed Awareness

Episode Date: October 11, 2024

Welcome to Frank Off The Radio, the new podcast from Frank Skinner. Frank is reunited with his trusty co-hosts Pierre Novellie and Emily Dean. The team discuss Frank’s recent speed awareness course, the gift of time and they coin a new term ‘the neigh hole’. To contact the team email [e-mail] Frank Off The Radio is an Avalon Production Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I'm Dave, and saving with TD Insurance made me feel like I scored my own jingle. With over 30 ways to save, nobody seems like Dave. Save on home and auto like only you can at tdinurance.com slash ways to save. TD. Ready for you. Life and death were two very realistic coexisting possibilities in my life. I didn't even think I'd make it to like my 16th birthday, to be honest. I grew up being scared of who I was.

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And obviously it's subject to approval by you guys. Okay. You probably couldn't tell in that this is an oral thing that... Oh dear. Subject to approval. I didn't know it was that kind of podcast. Well, apparently we can do what we like. Yeah.

But I'm too hot for that stuff. Take it away. I mean, that you might not have heard the inverted converse on subject to approval. Anyway, this is what I'm thinking, right? Oh, I'll turn the paper over. So it goes, it's Frank off the radio, featuring him and that posh lady-o and the one with the French name who from South Africa came. They're all here, open brackets, hooray, close brackets, today.

Oh, come on. Obviously I'll do a slicker version for the next show. I definitely think you should keep the open and closed brackets open. I think that's important. And I think any Jedi stuff is good to kick off any podcast. So look at this, this is it now. I'm told there was an article in The Independent this week saying that Frank Skinner will find that being sacked by Absolute Radio is the

best thing that ever happened to him. Really? He obviously never met that barmaid in Wigan in 1987. Now that's what it's... It's such a horrible way to start the podcast. No, I know. The trouble is you can think too much about how to start the podcast and then get anxious and think They've already switched off by now, you know welcome back by the way anyone who were already fans of the show we did together and And also you two new people

So I read the I'm gonna this is Frank off the radio, I've got a laminated thing, this is what happens when you get older, they laminate anything that goes near you. I walked in this, we're at a place called, is it Spirit Land, Spirit World? Yeah, it's like Derek O'Cora owns it. Spirit Land, walking around the Spirit World, is it world or land? This is no, Spirit, Wield of Spirits, they should call it. Now why is this called land? This is no spirit world of spirits They should know why is this cool. This is called spirit land spirit land, okay So we're at the spirit land and we have to win full Native American outfits even to come in

It's got that feel to it. Oh, I came ghost This is Frank after I've oh, yeah walks in today and the manager guy came up to me and said, are you alright? And I said, do I look like some old bloke who's wondered in accidently? And he went, no, no, you've walked into a restaurant, I've just come to greet you. And I thought, that's a greeting! Are you alright? Are you unwell?

Well Frank, someone came up to me when I was walking up the street and said, what are you doing? Are you working behind the bar? Are you doing bar work? What, in the street? No, he thought I was doing bar work here. I was quite flattered. Anyway, read you a little bit. We should say we're in a little recording studio and there's like a very sort of cool, trendy bar with lots of sound stuff in it, sound equipment.

DJ, are those DJ decks over there? I suppose. You can see it through the window either way. Yeah. Anyway, this is Frank. I'm on to laminate now. I've gone from general chit chat. This is Frank of The Radio. I'm joined by Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. Follow the podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via frank of the Radio at AvalonUK.com. We can't give you the address for X and Instagram, so apparently it's been built at the moment. The whole thing's been basically rushed through.

Yeah. Just, I'm just making that point. A little bit of behind the scenes detail there. Yeah, well, it's good to... What about this? I was at the Cheltenham Festival at the weekend and a guy came up to me and said, I love your radio show. I never miss it.

No, he didn't. He did, honestly. I swear he did. What did you say? Well, what could... I didn't want... He was with his mom or what looked like his mom, unless it was some sort of rural connection. You didn't just grab his face and say, liar.

No I didn't. I think I knew and he knew and that was enough. But it was, I suppose it was been nice. Well we've had a fabulous welcome back. Would you like to hear some of the lovely messages we've been getting? The trouble is if we do that I'm gonna have to play my post-bag song. Let's give it a go. It might be maybe to need a ukulele sort of cool down. What are those things at nightclubs where you go and relax? Chill out. Oh the chill out room. Yeah so ukulele chill out this is what I'm calling this. What did they do in the chill out? Were they coming down from the drugs? Come down tents, yeah. Oh, I don't know.

Let's not talk about the drugs. I had a terrible moment. I was in Aberystwyth and there was a guy just like walking, like spinning round, like he was some sort of carousel. Arms out? Arms out.

Arms out. And at first I thought he'd washed his face and was looking for a towel. But he had a friend with him who was clearly looking after him and I heard him say to a group of guys, oh yeah, sorry about this, he's in a very deep K-hole. Ah. Oh, no. No, not in Aberystwyth. Has he reached that far? Kettamint. Oh, did I'm thinking West. West?

Yeah. How long did they spend in the K-hole, Frank? Oh, I don't know. I've never been in the K-hole. I suppose if they've got horses in the countryside in Wales, they're going to have horse tranquilizer. Yeah. Is that what Kettamint is? That's what it is, Frank.

Veterinary tranquilizer, yeah. I think they give it to cats as well. I wouldn't take any of Ray's medicine. Not on your neck. I'm not going to take any of Ray's medicine. I'm not going to take any of Ray's medicine. I'm not going to take any of Ray's medicine. I'm not going to take any of Ray's medicine. I'm not going to take any of Ray's medicine. I'm not going to take any of Ray's medicine. I'm not going to take any of Ray's medicine. I'm not going to take any of Ray's medicine. horses in the countryside in Wales, they're gonna have horse tranquilizer. Yeah. Is that what Ketamine is?

That's what it is, right? Veterinary tranquilizer, yeah. I think they give it to cats as well. I wouldn't take any of Ray's medicine. Not on your Nelly. No. No, I don't think there's a come down tent for it. No, my dog has a thing called Dronsit, which I think is a worm thing.

It's a South African rugby player, isn't it? And you really... You know what, my dog... No, Drance it. Anyway, she won't eat it, so I literally have to do that thing of putting it down her throat. It's a horrible process. Oh dear. And very spitty. Okay.

It's a spitty thing. And she's too clever to be tricked by a cube of cheese or any of the usual. I've done all that. I've wrapped it in nice food and then she just eats the nice food off the edge. It's amazing how delicately dogs can eat when they want to. Eating a rounder pill and a cube of cheese. It's sort of impressive with no hands. No. She's got hands. I took her to South America for surgery.

This is one of those new trends of rich people's pets. I could only afford to take rate of Turkey for that operation. Fantastic smile. Not all millionaires, Frank. No, well, I thought, you know, you only do it once. The hand surgery on Docs, that's how I looked at it. You know, and if it's wrong, it's wrong a long time. That's what they said.

That was on the waiting room wall. In English and Spanish. In English and Spanish, yeah. I assume that's what it was in Spanish. So, yes, I think we talk about our week. I can't remember how we did the radio show. Yeah, it'll be fine. Yeah.

I, okay, I got Don for speeding on Tuesday. You did? I mean when I say done for speeding I received my notification. Was it a camera then or did a man stop you? I don't know. The frustrating thing is when people get done for speeding they're often like you know they're coming back from crazy parties. I was going to the Gore lecture at Westminster Abbey. I think you're probably the only person who's ever been stopped for speeding. Professor Catherine Pickstock's talk, Poetics of Life, which I didn't understand the word of.

I'm amazed the officer didn't, if you'd said that to the policeman I'm amazed. I said what don't they didn't leave you here fool quick go Giving birth, you know I'll drive follow. No, I just I didn't know I'd been done. I just I just received the documentation But the frustrating thing is in July I did a speed awareness course I know I was with the guy who's from the gang home frustrating thing is in July I did a speed awareness course. I know. I was with the guy who's from the gang home.

He was doing a slightly different speed awareness course in the room next door. No, I'll tell you what happened. I had to do a speed awareness course, which I think you've done, Emily. I did mine online, yeah. I did mine online as well. Okay, drum for us all. But I went

the night before my Speed Awareness course, England were playing football, so I went to David Baddiel's house to watch it with him and I took my antihistamine on arrival, he's got about eight cats. And we started talking in the half time interval. And I said, I've got a speed awareness course. He said, I've done one of those. He said, I was recognized immediately. I said, all right. And he said, because he said, you have a bit with, it's just you and the invigilator, if

that's the right word. I'm thinking examinations. He said, and he said to me, oh, I recognize you. He said, it's a bit, that's a bit difficult because it gets in the way of famous face and it's supposed to be like an anonymous thing. He said, I'll talk you in the corner. Because there's like a bunch of, it's like celebrity squares.

Yes. But it's not supposed to be a celebrity. Quite a disappointing celebrity square. Well it's more serious, it's like solemnity squares. Anyway, so he said, so he put me in the corner, he said, and then no one seemed to, he didn't refer to me at all, you know, and then at the end, at the end, he said, any questions? And someone said, can I take a photo of David Baddiel, right? So I thought it's a nice story, and it's nice to know, you know, that it's not going to

be a thing. So the next morning I went on and the guy, he came on the screen on his own, and he went to me, oh wow, that's amazing. And I said, what? He said, Frank Skin, I can't believe. He said, actually, you're not on the list. And I said, no, well, I use my birth name for discretion.

Crimes. Yeah, exactly. And then he talked to me for, honestly, they're all waiting. He talked to me for about seven or eight're all waiting, he talked to me for about seven or eight minutes about the football match the night before. And I thought, well, let me get this out of the way. So then we went into the speed awareness, it began by saying, right, we've got a very

special guest with us this morning. What? Fellow criminals. What? Yeah. fellow criminals. What? And I was in centre, you know what, you know Celebrity Square, centre square is, I mean, it's high esteem. But that makes it sound like you're there to help him teach them. Well, I mean, who was I? But you're not me also, can I just say? It would be the blind leading the blind.

He's turning this into a person... Can you look that up? He's turning this into some VIP celebrity appearance. You should be paid for this. You're paying them. I know it was awkward. I wasn't sure they all even knew me. So he said that. He said we got Frank Skinner here today. And then he said, and remember, no screenshots or recordings. That's very important. I thought, oh's great. And then he said, and remember, no screenshots or recordings, that's very

important. I thought, oh my God, this is, by the way, when I said, can you say blind then, I was talking to Daisy, the producer, who used to produce the radio show back in the eighties. And now she's back and it's lovely to see her. And I phoned her up this morning and she said, is everything all right? And I said, no, I've got COVID. I thought, I just wanted some importance to say. I'll tell you what I actually thought this, I'll come back to the speed awareness.

I honestly thought this, I thought, I love Daisy and it's great to have her back. And I'd like to get her a gift. It's too late now to get flowers and also there isn't really room in the studio. So I thought I'll give her the gift of me not having Covid. But in order to do that, I have to tell her I've got it first and then wait a bit and otherwise it's not really a gift. And I felt a great sense of relief you know. No I love that story about the gift you never bought Daisy. Yeah thanks.

It's sort of the the logic of an arsonist. Yes. Glad you said arsonist there. I wondered where that was going. So I want to be a hero but there aren't any fires. No. So as long as I set one and put it out then we're all good. You know.

No but I'll do it some. It does work. Sometimes people say what time it is. Well, they'll say what time is it usually. And I'll say, if it's like 20 past eight, I'll say, oh, it's 10 to 10. And they'll go, what? It's 10 to 10. And then I'll say, there you go.

I've given you the gift. Two hours of your life back. Yeah, what a gift, what greater gift than two hours of life. Frank, I don't ever want that gift. I don't like the gift. The time gift. Well, I won't do it to you then. Can you please take us back to the speed awareness course

where the instructor's just, ladies and gentlemen, Frank Skinner. Anyway, he'd call me Frank throughout, even though I was listed as Chris on the thing. Some of the things were, he'd say things like, very good Frank, for any answers. Frank's spot on there. I remember he said... You got special treatment!

And there's a bit where he said to me, what would you say was the speed limit on this road, Frank?" And I said, well, it's a built-up area, so I think that makes it 30 miles an hour. He says, Frank, I know where you're coming from with the built-up area thing. He said, it's not actually relevant, but it is a phrase bounded around a lot when people are talking about speed limits. I'm totally, totally with where you're coming from and he's trying to get a five-ten, I was wrong, he just couldn't get it, he couldn't do Celebrity wrong, he just couldn't do it. So anyway it was it was not what I was expecting. If I was one of the others I'd have been really resentful. I bet when I got it wrong he said that's absolutely incorrect. No, I know. Typical of the sort of unknown speed-hungry crook that we get on here.

Now, he said that we were all only just over the limit. He said, you're only resentful saying, well, I was on it. Because I was doing 24 miles an hour in a 20 mile an hour thing. And he said, I know you're all thinking, well, that's ridiculous, he said, but if you were well over, you wouldn't even be, you go straight to the three points. So you know, this is like a sin bin. Oh, I see. And one of the things he said was, if you get done again in the next three years, there'll be no speed awareness course. So I've just lost three points or got three points. It's weird that you get points. Yeah you should

start with some points. Start with 12 points. You can understand why people are driving very fast. They think, oh I got three points. They've heard all these football managers on the telly talking about, well we got three points and that's what matters. It was worth more because I was speeding away. Yeah, and then they have to reverse their whole logic process. Were you tempted at all? We said help people a bit more.

It would feel more precious, wouldn't it, if you've only got two points left? Yeah, exactly. And now you're clinging on to those points. Frank, did you feel tempted at all during the Speed Awareness course to do a bit? Were you doing any comedy? No, I didn't. I might have. I don't think I did any actual comedy because as you say, I sense resentment already.

And probably people thinking, oh, he drives his own car. But no, I didn't. Okay. I didn't do that. And at the end, he said, you know, that's it, guys. Thanks very much. And it's all been very, I hope't. Okay. I didn't do that. And at the end he said, you know, that's it guys, thanks very much and it's all been very, I hope you found it interesting. Again Frank, it's been a great pleasure. Oh my God, you're kidding.

There's your gentleman. I felt I should have left. Thanks, Skinner. Yeah, it was a bit like that. But oh God, I wasn't expecting that at all. Do you think if you don't drive your own car, but you sort of make your chauffeur speed, and the speed awareness course in the little webcam, there'd be a sort of a guy in a suit and tie

with a little chauffeur's hat, and then behind him on the webcam as well, the person who hires him. I see. If I tell my, you know when you get in a car, in a film, and say, like, get me to the airport fast as you can, who gets the points then?

It's got to be the driver. Well, the passenger or the driver. It's going to be the driver. It's always the driver's responsibility. I know having done a number of speed awareness calls. The last one, Frank, you may recall, I learnt the phrase, smidsy, because the instructor said, are you this type of driver? We've all seen him phrase smidsy because the instructor said are you this type of driver we've all seen him smidsy sorry mate I didn't see you

be smidsy don't be smidsy yeah that's good I think yeah smidsy does sound like a liability in the past yeah it does. Don't let Smidze buy around. He thinks it's funny to buy shots at 7pm. Yeah. So, yes, so I've, yeah, I'll keep you posted on the points stuff. Oh please do. I don't think it's gonna, I don't think it's gonna work out. it's gonna work out. At Pennzoil we have one job, pioneering a motor oil so advanced, you don't have to think about your motor oil. Instead, you can think about how your engine sounds, how your stomach feels as the RPMs build, how your wheels hug the curves, and how with the Pennzoil Platinum Up to 15-year,

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and maybe we should do some letters after this. I got a little song here burning a hole in my pocket. I like the slightly pathetic sound of two strings. Well that's because my lyrics were sitting on the strings, thus muting them. Okay, go on. So I found up, I was in the car with Omar Khan. Omar Khan! It's actually a good alternative to the Christian, oh my god. I think it's good to embrace all the world religions. Mongolian swearing, Omar Khan. Exactly.

Omar Khan, I can't believe it. I was with Omar, oh my God, oh my God. I was with them, oh my God. And we phoned Pierre to congratulate, because he was about to start his tour and we just wanted to send him our best wishes, because normally he'd be in the backseat. Oh, you're a couple now. Well you know it's nice to be nice. Yeah.

And so he said to me, we're talking about people in Cheltenham generally and I said I met someone who lives, can I tell the story, lives in the same road as your girlfriend's parents. Yeah. Is it alright so far? I think so. And they live, shall I name the road or not? No. Okay, I won't name the road, but it's one of the posher roads in Cheltenham and Cheltenham's posher north.

Apart from the K-hole areas. And there's probably a lot of horses there, you could probably get your Kay. Yeah. Yeah, special Kay, I think they're probably calling. Are you doing a reed for the Kay House? Oh yeah, that is... Sponsored by Kettement this week. This podcast is quite... no it's not.

Remember, drive Kettement! So anyway, I said I met a woman who lives in the same road and I said, oh perhaps you know Pierre's girlfriend's parents? And she said, what's their name? I said, I don't know that. But I know they're members of the tennis club. And she said, oh, everybody's members of the tennis club in that road. And so Pierre said to me, yeah, it is very Tennessee.

And then he said, it's Tennessee Williams. And then I said, is that what Serena Williams was called at school? Tennessee Williams. That's good. I think we were both very pleased that we've arrived at it together. I mean, I think I put the icing on, but you made a very nice fruitcake. That's generous. Yeah.

Venus, I think, I know that could have also been Tennessee Williams, but I think they had plenty of rhymes for their musical teasing of Venus. Yeah. Serena of Venus. Yeah. Serena's harder. Yeah, exactly. And that very sort of laid back, yeah, do what you want. Follow your heart, kids, dad. Oh, yeah, he was.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was very inspired by the subterranean homesick blues video of Bob Dylan, which is him holding up the lyrics to the songs and then throwing them away. Do you remember, is it Richard Williams? The father of the Williams sisters. He used to hold up handwritten signs like he'd been to the darts a lot or something. He used to say things like stay focused and I hate her. Yeah yeah people complained about it. He was in friends and family. Yeah.

And he used to hold, he used to have all these handwritten signs. Yeah. I love the idea that you've, you know, you've been making your kid play tennis from when they were like four and now they're 17 and they're starting to break into like big time tournaments and you think that they still need to be reminded to stay focused. Yeah. Sorry, I had that slip my mind, Dad. Sorry. Somewhere in between you turning me into a sort of tennis playing terminator.

The most shouted thing at any sports event is, come on. Who needs to be reminded of that? What do you mean? Can you imagine? Come on, in what respect? What's their turn? Come on, Tim. In what way?

What have you seen? Exactly, how is he supposed to come on in any way? Do more tennis. Yeah, well that's the sort of thing you should get. Over the net, Tim. Anyway. Frank, can I just say Omar was also, he got some publicity in the Cambrian News this week. Did you see this? Oh yeah, we were in Southampton which

would cover the, I think it's Cambrian. Oh is it Cambrian? I think it is. You know that Paul Robeson song? I'd like to come over into Cambrian. That was set in Hampshire. They called Omar, they said we had a wonderful, they gave an official quote and there was a photograph of you and a member of the congregation, Alison Swanson. Is this how you're familiar? And in fact, Sean, one of our readers, sent this to me because they've captured, it says, Alison Swanson pictured alongside Frank Spencer. Oh, yeah, I knew, I knew that beret was a mistake. And then they said, it said, we had a wonderful fun morning in his and his manager, Omar's company. It's my manager now. He's my tour manager, to be fair.

Yeah, there was a lot of revelations in that article. No, it was lovely. You know, we liked to do churches and things. So I went to a church that was associated with a favorite poet of mine. Oh, hi-tee-tie-tee. OK, have we got some outside world stuff? Yeah.

OK. Okay, have we got some outside world stuff? Yep. Okay. I've got to turn me a bit of paper. It's, I wrote these this morning. Give me a break. Really? Postbag off the radio, where people write down things that they've saidioed Then send them into us

So we've got something to discuss Discuss Cos podcasts can be short Of content and any worthwhile thought. Yeah, again, it'll polish up. It'll polish up. So that leads us into Postbag Off the Radio. Well, we should say, have you said the email address you have that they can send it to? What do you mean, frankofftheradioatavalonuk.com?

Beautifully done. I want to kick off with a missive from an anonymous judge. Okay. I mean, I love that we've got a judge getting in touch with us. An actual judge? An actual judge. One of his majesties. I don't know what it says about him. He's not a bad judge.

So here we go. I listened to you from day one on Absolute. There's a little bit of praise here, but don't worry because I think she more than makes up for it. Oh, it's a lady judge. It's a lady judge. God punish me for thinking it was a man automatically. And an older man as well. Frank, you are superb and make me feel much better about my oversized head.

There are few people in the modern media who properly tackle the issues we face. You highlighted the problem we have with hats and that Christmas cracker crowns are the only style that suits us. When I first became a criminal barrister and had to have my horse hair wig fitted at the country's leading horse... Don't forget... The K-hole! We've got a judge, so we mentioned the K-hole with the judge.

And had to have my horse hair wig fitted at... What about the K-hole is the Na-hole. Just to bring it... So you sound, you're advertising it but you're pretending you're going for the horses. That would be the name of the nightclub for horses. Yeah, exactly, the nail hole. You're going to see it tonight at the nail hole? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's another word for their mouth. Shut your nail hole. Never look a gift horse in the nail hole. They're very negative horses. No, no, no. Terrible teeth as well. They're very negative horses. Terrible teeth as well. They've got those slightly Turkish teeth. You know you see on the reality shows, they look a bit fake. Didn't they get their teeth? I wouldn't know what to think if I saw a horse's teeth and they were perfectly white.

Anyway, let's get back to the country. Rob Beckett's horse. I'd watch that show. Yeah, exactly. I'd watch that show. Yeah, exactly. It'd be perfect. Good one for night riding. It's like having a headlight. That was to signify the end of another horse section. Yeah. We've been committed to doing those he's paid every time he does one of those. So where were we? The anonymous judge was having a horse hair wig fitted, at this point she was a criminal barrister, at the

country's leading horse hair wig provider on Chancery Lane. Who knew that there was such a thing? Should we have a group outing? Apparently they're very expensive. Really? Yeah 600 quid I've heard. Well you know all the legal people. He's got these people in his legal... Are they literally horse hair? Is that just... Yeah, they have to be.

They're all regulation. You need some sort of special dispensation to have a plastic one if you're allergic or something. I don't want a plastic one. I wouldn't be represented by someone with a plastic... Smithies, Barristers, Chambers. Barrister wigs are us. I wouldn't be represented by someone with a plastic. Smithy's, Barrister's chambers. Barrister wigs our ass. I'm not going there. Anyway, the oleaginous service I was looking forward to was rather dampened by their less than supportive reaction to my massive head

measurement. She then ends with, again I'm going to allow this praise because I would describe it as somewhat ambiguous praise. Okay. Emily, she calls me an inspiration but then she says, your world view is vicious, funny and when appropriate, generous. And what I love is it's like a judge summing up. Pierre, Pierre you are new. Thank you, my lady.

But Frank is happy to listen when you speak, which is unusual and the greatest of recommendations. It is like a sentencing, I love that. Yes, yeah. How about that you bet you'd be missed from an anonymous judge. What I liked is that you're vicious, but you're, was it forgiving? Your worldview is vicious, funny, and when appropriate, generous. Yeah, it suggests that you're vicious when it's not appropriate, doesn't it? That vicious is more of a blank... General state of affairs.

A sort of a general backwash to the scene is viciousness. I can't deny it. It does suggest that. And Pierre, you are new. I am new. Thank you, milady Yeah, we're all new now, of course. Yes reborn It's that we've gone to a new you know, and you go to a new school At least we've all moved together not like when I changed school and I was the only kid Yeah, I know but there's some times passed since then so it's okay. Frank there has a lot of time

We've also had what happened to the slight business Because it was it was booming when I was at school because we all wrote on you Now Maybe they could contact us Frank off the radio. Yeah, I'm on UK calm whatever happened to the slate business We've been ironic sending an email AvalonUK.com, whatever happened to the slate business? Yeah, exactly. It's been ironic sending an email asking that. It's real salt in the wound. They can see they're shooting themselves in the foot.

We've got all the big contracts, catamon, slate. Everyone's queuing up to advertise. These are early days of getting the advertisers. My manager said, look, we'll start in the gay hole, in the slight hole. Work our way out. Exactly. The Slayton gay hole. Before you know where we are, it'll be vimto.

The great heights. We've also had loads of messages on Instagram. We had Mark Jeffries has says, fetch the leather. Are you sure? He's not related to the judge? So they're a really famous judge called Judge Jeffries. There's Judge Jules, the DJ. Now, Judge Jeffries I think was the hanging judge. Oh dear. He didn't have much work just messed about in the white room. Most sociable. Yeah, No, I think George Deffries will look up his figures

for the next episode, but I think he hanged a lot. That'll be a lovely evening answer for me. Yeah, I feel bad I'm not up on George Deffries' death count. His hanging stats. Yeah, exactly. Well, we've had Albert Pierpoint, is it? Albert Pierpoint, yeah. He was Britain's last hangman, was he? Yeah. His granddaughter was one of our regulars. Something like one of his, is it four bears? Which way does it go? Descendants. Yeah, one of his descendants. So maybe one of, if any of the Jeffreys family are listening, we welcome all. Yeah, I think he's pre-peer point I think. Yeah.

So anyway, Mark. Look at you posting on the George Jefferies. Hanging Stance. Angle. News updates as they happen. Exactly. Mark Jefferies has got in touch. Fetch the leather crown.

The King has returned. Hooray. I should say to any people who are new that the only hat I look good in is one of those paper ones out of Christmas crackers. I said on the radio what I need is, because they're very flimsy, particularly at the seam they're likely to go. I said what I should do is get a leather one. And one of our readers actually made me a leather Christmas crown, which I wear every Christmas. It's yellow.

I think it's probably gold, but very hard to get that on a hide. You needed a monk to sort of illuminate it with gold foil. Yeah, but where are we going to find a monk in this godforsaken country? Again, text us on frankofftheradio.avalonuk.com. Where am I going to find a monk in this godforsaken country? You know when you really need a monk? This is our third read. We're also monks.

Ketterman, slate, mon third read. We've also got... Slaite, monastic life. We got all the big contracts. It's more of a recruitment thing for the... We've also had Lawrence... Lawrence Lawrence. That isn't real, is he? Well, I don't know.

I always used to listen in the bath. Finally, I can have another bath. Two a week is pushing it though. That's very good. Because we will of course be releasing two of these Frank. Yeah, I don't know why we're doing that, but I was told that the way to do a podcast is to not do an hour. But to do, do, do, do, do, do, do, da, da, da, da is all I want to say to you, is to split it down the middle. Yeah. I think you just get like more hits and that will draw in the advertisers. More of the monks will

keep coming. That's what I'm told. Yeah. I think, well I'm hoping we can spread it out to maybe the deacons even, you know, a bit towards the non-clericals. That's it, the laity. Imagine that, advertising to the laity. Yeah, well, you've said it out loud, I don't like it. I should think, I'd imagine the k-hole is mainly inhabited by the laity. Yeah, yeah. But who knows? They live lonely lives. We've all been driven into chasms in our darker moments. We've had, sorry Frank. Sorry, I was going to end the show there. Oh dear. I had one I was going to share but I was going to finish with one email but you know we could. We we can leave it to the next that's the great thing about it we'll be back before you know it yeah um so yeah shall i i'm just going to play some like just random music what do you think why not just don't get too close

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