The Frank Skinner Show - Star Giver

Episode Date: October 27, 2025

Frank has been put in an embarrassing situation since his car has been stolen and Pierre has made a rod for his own back. There's also doormats, injured animals and headless horsemen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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It's Frank off the radio featuring him and that posh ladyo and the one with the French name who from South Africa came. They're all here open racketeer to rain. Those brackets today. And if one day I should become a dancer with a Spanish bum. So this is Frank. I think it's singer with a Spanish bum. Spanish bum?

Yeah, you know a Spanish bomb. No. I imagine like a matador. You know, matadors have got really tight, squeezable bodice. Oh, I thought you meant an itinerant gentleman. Oh, no, not that kind of. Spanish bum.

Yeah. You wouldn't want to, yeah, you don't want to be. I suppose you could be a singer with a singer with a. Spanish bomb. It was like a double act. Exactly. A melancholic double act. Yeah. I'd watch that.

Yeah. I used to do a thing about people who squat down and talked to the homeless instead of just giving them money and moving on. They wanted something in exchange. And I always used to say it was like, it was like, what was it no personal tragedy a duke box? They used them like, I put money in, I want a sad story. I'm not just giving you money

I know what you're spending on but I want the story Okay, so this is Frank Off the Radio I wouldn't have done that on the last leg No I'm joined by Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli Follow the podcast on X and Instagram

You can email the podcast via Frank Off the Radio at Avalonukk.com As for WhatsApp Oh 7457 417-7-6-9-0-7-45-7-4-1-7-6-9 You obviously can't see, but we line danced. I absolutely love that.

Good. That was... What makes me want to go and find myself? Someone whose name I should have looked at before I press the button. Yeah. But thank you. It makes me want gumbo. What does that mean?

Gumbow food? Yeah. A big sort of Cajun stew. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I think it's featured in the jambalaya, the Hank Williams song. Yeah, jambalias with rice

and gumbos just the stew. I'm thinking more of sort of George Bush with his cowboy boots underneath his suit. Oh, yeah. Pretending he's from Texas. Oh, it's a look I struggled with that I'm prepared to get on board

because I'm liking George Bush in his later year. When he just does paintings. Yeah. I used to think that George Bush. I used to think that George W Bush was a slightly out-of-control right-wing president. That's what I mean. Yeah, looking back.

He's a pretty settled, normal kind of a guy. This is what I mean. By comparison, I'm starting to really warn to him. He seems like a lovely woolly liberal. That's the advantage of having a really terrible emotional partner. I'm not, but I mean my wife. I mean, Alva, in the past. Yes, yeah, yeah.

It puts everything else. Everything else moves. You might look back at Mitt Romney, who everyone said was a sort of frothing Nazi. And you look back and it's basically a candle saying, slightly more health care. And you think, yeah, that's, yeah. What was it?

He said at the inauguration, didn't he say of Trump? He said, what the hell was that? What are the best lip-red thing? Maybe George Wierce he lent him It said something like That was fucking weird That was fucking weird Anyway

There's a part of me that hates American politics And in the midst of that I started to go a bit cold Okay Sorry guys I understand I just I know so many English people are utterly obsessed with American politics

But they don't like ours It's the same way that all the people Who are the most interested in the royals are American It's like a cultural exchange It's about it's different It seems a bit different. The other man's leadership is always greener. Different and similar at the same time.

So I was at an event. It was an operatic event. And a guy came up to me and he said, I really, really loved your warm-up at Shaftesbury Avenue. Now, it wasn't actually a warm-up gig. It was a proper gig. But I thought, I'll take my compliments where I can get there. I said, thank you very much.

He said, yeah. He was South African. Wasn't he? I realised it was Pierre. Oh, I see what he meant. Yeah, that's what he meant. The trouble is I've got into humble gratitude mode. Then I had to pretend that I was collecting this prize to hand over later.

Oh, you've done your full, you're right? Which I was, but even so. Like a collecting tin. Compliments for the support. Yeah. These people should be clearer. But he never mentioned my act at all, no. That's bad for.

That was the full extent of his. That's pretty harsh. I've got one fan in the operatic community. Yeah, good to know. Was it a singer or was it a sort of opera adjacent person? No, is it? Who are they when they're at home? I don't know, singers' managers?

The people who make all the pasta? It was a relation of an opera adjacent. When we're getting further from the opera core of this story? Sometimes as well. I'm just going to make him feel better than. Sometimes when we touch. No, that's never going to happen. Okay.

I'll just make him... Why, is the honesty too much? No, that's not... It has been for most of the people who've been my friends in the past. I think that'd be a great effort off. The honesty was too much. Exactly.

Sometimes when I had friends, the honesty was too much. I'm just going to make him feel better. And they fucked off. And I don't really. I really care. Good night, ladies. Thank you.

London. Heartwarming, the Guardian. Five stars. Yeah. Five stars in the Guardian. That'll be the day. Go on. I see the Guardian really praising things

and giving it three stars. Yeah. Do they? Why do they do that? Why so stingy Guardians with the Stars? I think there's a very nice people writing for the Guardian and some absolute bastards doing the stars. Yes.

In fact, there's not a star. There's not someone that's not their job. There is. There'll be an ex-comic. An ex-comic, failed, circuit comic, doing the stars. What's your job, Stargiver, Guardian? I have heard of some papers doing that where they'll say, we'll do the stars. You just write it.

We'll do it based on what you do. I preferred when Paul Ross would did the film at the News of the World, the film reviews. Oh, yeah. He would give a bottle of beer. I much preferred that. Four bottles of beer. Simpler time. Yeah, exactly.

He would rated in bottles of the film. bottles of beer. Yeah, bottles of beer. Like a ventriloquist tummy. That's quite straightforward. You know where you stand. It's strange. Now, I was going to say...

Well, David Badeal has got a dormant outside, obviously where a dormant is in his port, and it's got three stars on it. And every time I go there, I say, this is from the Guardian. I have to keep repeating it, of course. But the fact that David Badell has got three... I wouldn't have three stars outside my house. That's subliminal message.

He must have got it free. Why? It's a perfectly nice one if you're not. I just mean you got it free because that would be my incentive to hang on to it. If that was me. I'd think, well, I'm not going to buy a new one. I've got two dormets, but I keep them in my...

That's your mother-in-law you're talking about. In my personal space. And it's Captain America Shield doormat. And Pedro, Pedro, Petro. Pedro, Pedro, Ped. Do you know that song? What? Pedro, Pedro, Pedro.

You've got Pedro, Pedro, Ped. Pedro, Pedro. Have you heard it? Pedro. Did you have a... Pedro. What? It's a sort of a...

I don't know what animal. It's like a raccoon. Okay. And it's a meme, I think. Pedro, Pedro, Pedro, Pedro, Pedro. Is it from the Madagascar animated film? No, I don't know where... Is it anything to do with six, seven?

I don't know. It's history. How do you have a doormat of it? Is it a raccoon's face? It was bought for me. It's got... Pedro, Pedro, Pedro, Pedro, Ped, Redoni. Ped is worrying.

Pedro Pascal, I know. Yeah, it's not him. Oh, it's a shame. I'd be investing in that, all that. I think he'd be too sort of earnest. To agree to be on it. Yeah, I think he's quite earnest. He's got a very sort of nice face, approachable, looking, thoughtful-looking man.

So we feel bad to rub your filthy shoes all over his face. I can't forgive him for retaining his moustache for Reid Richards in the fantasy. Fantastic for that was wrong. You're a comic book purist. Well, I think, you know, read Ritches with a moustache. Someone's going to say, oh, yeah, he actually wore one in 1958 in one comic,

but I missed it. Carry on, darling. Oh, what were we talking about? That's my catchphrase. The opera adjacent. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. I was just going to say,

do you think the Pierre fan at the opera, there is an element of, oh, I don't want to go up to Frank and tell him I like his words. I'm just trying to make him feel a bit better. Yeah. I cannot tell you can relax that now. No, I don't think that.

I think that would be an odd way of dishing out praise, wouldn't it? The show was great. Till you came on. That's why he might as well have said that. Did he just leave? How did you leave things with it? Look, I had one the other night. You know my wife and my sister?

sister-in-law did a charity bike ride. Yes. So the other night was the prize, the check. Oh. There was a big check there. Oh, really? Yeah, I don't mean Robert Maxwell. I mean, like, a big check, you know, with the, you know what I'm going to buy a big check.

It's a massive, like, foam board check to hold off, which I always love. And there was a raffle. So Buzz came as well, because Buzz was excited about the. particularly the Iron Maiden Coolbox that you could with. Are we allowed to ask how much they raised in the end? I'll have to look at my phone to tell you because I took a photo of the big cheque. Do you know, I love the check, the outsized check presentation. I raised, this is all the heavy met at truance, not just my part, but they're 103,000.

Wow. There's the big check. That's amazing. Who was the first big check holder, do you think? I know, who had the idea? Well, there's a big donation, but it won't show up in the newspaper, so we, you know. Wouldn't it be great if people really misjudge the big check? So people were getting backhand and say if you know how's the parliament

and someone was arriving with a massive big check. No, I thought, could be a good way to disguise a backhander. It's such a big check, people will assume it's to do with something nice. So we, so a guy came up to me at that. I saw you in South End. My wife hated you. Can I get you a drink? No.

Yeah. What's wrong with people? Oh, no. Some people have that urge, though, when they see a famous person to go up to them and pretend. I've seen it done the other way around. I was with some friends and some friends of friends.

And one of the friends of friends, I'm glad to say. No one in my circle would do this. Went up to a sort of fairly famous person who was in the bar and sort of chatted to them and admitted afterwards that they were like oh I'm sure they get praise all the time so I tried to be a bit above it I've heard that one before and you just think

but what the instinct is there? Even when I did get praise all the time it was never enough that's the message I want to put out to those people don't these people realise the whole will never be filled but he was so frank I took the drink as well oh frank you didn't yeah I thought some pay back for his wife hating me I think you let yourself down accepting the drink

And then I said, we should have a photo together and show the wife. He said, oh, yeah, that's a good idea. So we did that. I was glad to get back in the yaris. Back to the simple work of car repair. Exactly. Where people are more straightforward. Exactly.

People wear overalls and have dirty fingernails. Do you think he thought that you would think his wife disliking you was a compliment? You'd be like, ha-ha, yes, I'm glad to hear it. I don't know what he. People they'll realise, underneath it all, I'm quite a sensitive little soul. No, I genuinely think there is truth in what you said earlier. I think this does come from this sort of idea that I'll really, I'll leave a lasting impression. I'm going to go over to him.

Frank Skinner's, you know, he's got people crawling off his ass all the time. He doesn't know. No, that's crisps. They're only going up there to put crisps, though. For that reference, please listen to the last podcast. May I direct you to the... We won't tell you what it is. Yeah, if you did hear the last one, that's going to sound horrid.

So this is an incentive. That's going to sound like I've got Sorriosis of the Aynus. Frank. Really? Yeah, that's actually the name of my favourite band. I was going to say, it sounds a bit like a... It's a new planet. Sounds like an early Christian philosophy.

Of course, it was Sorriasis of the Anus who said, angels were not of God. It's very fine to animals. The Anus is a small village near Athens. Theriasis of Anus first pointed out that's A lot of his stuff has been lost

Aryan heresy All got burned And understandably His descendants have changed their name The Aryan heresy was based That it was all right to have an Aryan The Aryan heresy is the sort of book That every boy would have read in the 70s

Yes in one of the early waxing debates in the ancient world Now that's a That's got to be a five-star review on the tablet If nowhere else It's not going to get through to the people at the Guardian Oh This episode is brought to you by Peloton

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It's the epic return of Mayor of Kingstown. Warden? You know who I am. Starring Academy Award nominee Jeremy Renner. I swear in these walls. Emmy Award winner Eidie Falco. You're an ex-con who ran this place for years. And now, now you can't do that. And BAFTA award winner Lenny James.

You're about to have a plague of outsiders descend on your town. Let me tell you this. It's going to be consequences. Mayor of Kingstown, new season now streaming on Paramount Plus. So anyway, so we're suggesting that we think this man wasn't complimenting you. Fair enough. No, well, he never said whether he liked it or not. Okay.

But he was friendly. Yeah. Well, that's something. Yeah, exactly. In terms of my week, I think I might have made a rod for my own back, speaking of slightly biblical references. I've started a podcast about video games.

I like video games. Oh, have you? How many podcasts do you do? Now three. Says he giving him an opportunity to plug them. Oh, yeah. What are the other ones? I do Budpod with Glenmore,

and then the video games one is Glenn Moore and Sarah Keyworth. And then you do this? And then I do this. But the trouble is that video games were a hobby, but now I found myself in the bizarre position of having to say, I've got to play this video game for work. Oh, no. To my fiancé who has an actual job. Do you get some free games?

I've got to eat all this ice cream or I'll be in trouble down at the ice cream factory. I think that's true, though. That's what when Oliver Hardy said to his doctor, I can't go on a diet. I'm the fat guy. Yeah. Yeah, it comes with certain responsibilities, I think. That's your comedic role. Can I just, we will be getting back to this.

What would you say you have to stick to to preserve the Frank Skinner brand? No, well, what I've done serious damage to the Frank Skinner brand is the reason. All the bloody books. One of the main reasons I do a poetry podcast. It means I can read poetry in the day and it doesn't feel like I should be doing work. Yes, I see. Because it is work. But poetry video games, you know.

It's all a similar. Yeah. Do you get them free the video games? We've been sent one free, which is good, yeah. Holds out on pouring in soon. Hopefully. Hopefully. But it does, it is a bizarre feeling to sort of be saying,

I have to do this for work, and it feels like a bit more homeworky when it's sort of my main hobby. You're an unlikely sort of gamer. Do you have one of those chairs? The whole thing, gamer. You have one of the leather football manager chairs. Not quite that, but I have...

Oh, I don't like that's quite. Well, it's not... Well, those chairs look like they're from... NASA. I don't have a NASA chair in my desk. Do you shoot, point a big gun at the screen? I've got NASA's. I look in an arcade. No, I've seen them pointing guns at screens. Is that what you do for video games? No, no, no.

Oh, I thought they pointed guns at the screen, Frank. In arcades? I thought that was video games. I've never played a video game, really. You must have played a video game. I hate them. I am. For me, playing a video game. Frank here makes me like the more.

It's like when I was, when I stayed in my, when I did Edinburgh a couple, the years ago, they'd given me a whiskey in a decanter, which came with the flat. Well, if I drink whiskey, I'll wake up on waist ground shouting. I used to be on television. But what I used to, I used every day take the top off and smelly. And if I had video games in the house, I know, how do you smell it? You're going to have to play it. And once I'm playing it, I just, from whenever.

I've done it, I've hours, I've just shot but I've been playing it for six hours and I, you know, I've played them, have you? Yeah, I can't have one in the house. I've never do anything else. I remember you saying you'd have experience the sweet, sweet addiction of gaming

with David Deal. Yeah, well we had one of those FIFA thing games, you know. And he bought it for his brothery, so we've better try it, make sure it works. We had to write a script that night. Did you just end up playing it all the time? So we had a at it, it was 3.20. I remember it still when we realised, hold it's 320 and we just played

it for like seven hours. You've got, you've got that demon in you. I said you've got to get that at the house. Yeah, it's the, I think I've got the demon. When they play the video games, do you get put nice clothes on and things? Hey? Well, I just think that's the thing. People shouldn't dress for the game. That's what I mean they don't like their suit on. Cosply would be brilliant. Yeah, but you don't put nice clothes. They just always wear like gaming clothes. Some of the Twitch streamers will dress up as characters from games. Twitch streamers. Do you know them, Frank? I'll tell them about Twitch streamer. It's like a sort of live version of YouTube where you watch people play video games in a kind of

e-sports way. So Frank, you watch that, you don't even play the game. No. You just watch the others playing. Like football? Yeah. Like football. Yeah. And you have a big argument about who's good at this or that or the big country if you want to play video games professionally South Korea. They make millions and millions and millions of pounds. They're big stars, the e-sports. Huge. They did in stadiums.

Yeah. Wow. That's quite cool. That must be... That makes more sense. I once went to live snooker. And this was in the days before my comedy career.

So I was in, like, row X. Yeah. And you couldn't see a fucking thing. It's just too dark. There's a green. You can see the light of the base. You could see nothing at all.

You could have been the first snooker at Indy with opera glasses. Exactly. It needed more than that. It needed some sort of super Jodrell Bank telescope. Or got to mention Jodrell Bank. Whoops. Yeah, so I can see the lure of it. But how does it work?

You just talk about whether they're any good or not on the video, on the podcast. We do some reviews and just general discussion of themes and stuff. There's more to talk about if you did grow up playing them. There's a sort of nostalgia aspect or what do you like, what do you not like? in the same way that you get podcasts that review films. So there was one I was drawn into, and I saw a review of it on a TV thing. And what I remember about it, it was very dark,

and it was not action-packed. It was people in rooms behind Venetian blinds. There was a general backdrop of children crying. Lots up, yeah. I mean, I thought, this is brilliant. It was really disturbing. Really? Yeah.

There are... There was some dark secret behind this town. It might have been sign on hill. Yeah. I don't think it was called something like, we in the middle or, you know, something odd phrase. Oh, the, the, what remains of us or something like that. Oh, maybe.

Something like that. Maybe. There are a few really sort of artistic kind of plot-driven ones that are, yeah, you'll engage with on a slightly high level. And there are ones that are about exploding aliens. There are some gone ones. Oh, there's a lot of gun ones. Yeah.

Yeah. There's a lot of gun ones. A lot of gun ones. They also could. The other problem I've been having is that my fiancé, who I live with, is trying to steal a cat. Why? Very gradually, she's trying to steal a cat. A particular cat or any cat.

A particular cat, yeah. Because we've moved to the suburbs now and all the gardens, you know, the cats roam. Rome free. There used to be a thing that people always said when I was a kid that you couldn't take a cat out of your garden. Because they have, and they always said, this roving commission as if it was a legal term i've dated men like that yeah roving commission yeah i mean is that a real thing what does that mean what do they mean by that well that means a cat can go anywhere it likes in a way that a dog

calm in a way that a dog calm and you need to not interfere with its business and the rule used to be well they bury that they the rule used to be that if you if you hit a dog in your car, you had to report it to the police. If you took a cat, it was fine. That's true. I'm sure that they must have updated that. David Badell will be furious if that's still the case. He's Catman.

He is Catman, yeah. Isn't he doing a documentary on Cats? He's doing a documentary about Cat. Now that Paul Al Grady's gone, God bless him. Documentaries are what Catman do. Oh, so close. Fumbled the ball at the tri-line. Yeah.

So close. So the cat is, see, that's the thing that bothers me about cats, is that you can't have a codependent relationship with them because they will roam. Yeah. And I like to know where they are at all times. Imagine if Poppy was wandering into random... Well, I'm allergic to cats, so I don't have the option.

That's the problem, so am I. So it's a kind of slow-motion assassination attempt as well. Every now, then a cat will have been allowed in. Now, when I go to Dave's house to watch football, I have to take an anti-histamine before I leave the house. Really? He's got, I don't know how many cats. He's got about five?

He's like one of those mad old. women with long grey hair who have loads of cats. They're every... I mean, I've lost track of of what which cat is witch. Now, there seem to be... He's got raw... Oh, there's so many. So many.

Five or six. I can't... They're too mobile in a kind of 3D way. Like, dogs can roam around, but dogs can't get on the kitchen counter, you know? No. Not, you know, unless it's in a pretty extreme circumstance. No.

The idea that the cat has access to the same surfaces I do. There's a very narrow shelf under our telly where we put like birthday cards and stuff, but it's probably four inches deep. And the dog was barking at crofts on the telly with such hysteria that he jumped off and was standing on this tiny narrow shelf next to the teller.

I can see the static from the telly affected its fur. What do you think that Poppy was shouting? Show-offs. Yeah, exactly. Con artists. It's not all about you, you know. Attention seekers.

What's that song? Remember that song? It could have been made. Do you remember that? Yeah, yeah. I love the idea of poppy being sick ill with anger and jealousy. Yeah, fury. Have we heard from...

Sorry, are you still... We had West Highland Terrier growing up, and when there were dogs on the TV, he would go around the back to try and find them. Oh, wow. Yeah. Which is the smartest stupid thing you can do, I think. You know, I once asked my mom if she had any ambitions.

I was about 15. We were talking, kids talked about ambitions. And I said, Mom, what's your ambition? She said, well, I'd love to do. He says, you know, when the kettle's boiled, I'd love to pour it down the back of the television. That is your ambition. To make it explode.

To make it explode, yeah. Now that's mine. But it's a big sort of... It sounds like she had a lot of anger, she felt she felt. You couldn't express in your house. Almost, is it? But it was like a classic domestic crime, checking out tea and the telly one blast. But, ma'am, we were, that was a different world I lived in where that,

when I speak to people now, it's to get a Netflix series. I actually love your mother for that. I think that was an early feminist act. It probably was. The sort of thing I can picture Mary White House doing as part of a sort of stunt about filth on the television. Exactly. This is what should be done. I don't think my mum was worried about that. It was so brilliantly surreal. I love her for that.

Joe has got in touch. Joe's been catching up with the past few weeks. Sorry, did you finish your cat story? Well, I found some damning evidence in the recycling. What's in the recycling? An empty tin of tuna. Maybe she was eating at herself. The cats...

You're saving up for the wedding. Confronted. Yeah, exactly. We have to live like cartoon tramps for a bit. Just tins of tuna, hands with fingerless... gloves around a big bin on fire. Did you confront her? I said, you've been feeding the cat. What did she say?

What? I said, the tuna and the recycling. Wow. And she admitted she had fed the cat. It's good to know soon that you're prepared to go through the bins to find out what she's been up. Fortunately, the recycling sort of bag thing, I could see it on top. So did she fess up?

Yeah. No, one of the cats. So is it a neighbor's cat she's trying to entice into your life? I've asked around and it's from a sort of couple of streets away. So it's a known, that's a known quantity of this cat. My dog is, a known rover. My dog is as traditional anti-cat as any dog you could imagine. We were in Cheltenham and we were going somewhere.

So my mother-in-law said, oh, I know. There's someone I know who looks after, look after dogs. And then that woman couldn't do it, but she knew someone else. So we met this woman in the park with our dog. And she's just going to have her for like four hours. And she said, as she's walking away, she said, Oh, by the way, I've got a cat. Is that all right?

And we've met arrangements. So we said, yeah, that'll be all right. So when we met her, she was ashen face. She said, oh, my God. She said the cat's been on top of the wardrobe for the whole thing with your dog going absolutely ballistic. You didn't say in four hours you may not have a cat anymore. Well, she couldn't get on top of the wardrobe, thank goodness.

But, you know, dog's cats. It's not a well-kept secret. No. No. Joe. Oh, yes, Joe. She has, she's just catching up on the past few weeks of podcasts.

On the September the 9th episode, I'm loving this clarity and accuracy here. Frank disturbed his fellow presenters by brutally slaughtering a ladybird. Do you remember this, Frank? It went in my nose. It went in my nostril. Innocently emerged from his nostril.

Correct. I've got a nest in my brain. Joe says, This reminded me something my daughter told me only this week about an interesting patient that was admitted to the wildlife hospital where she's currently studying for a diploma in animal management. I love animal management. She got me an agent. Well, that's what the crofts people have.

Well, the dogs have to have management. They're celebrities now. Yeah, they have managers. This hospital does a huge amount of good work, caring for thousands of injured, sick and orphaned wild animals. Yeah, all right. Don't. The build-off is worth it. Okay.

And birds that people bring to them from miles around every year. They treat lots of deer, hedgehogs, foxes, etc. Is it that and birds? Isn't that classical? Yeah. Any discussion of animals? And birds are always a bit of an annex. And birds.

Yeah, never properly regarded as animals. No. Deers, hedgehogs, but foxes, badgers, swans. Yeah, we know what animals are. Okay. Will you stop giving Joe Agro? However, this week, someone brought in a housefly with a broken wing. Oh, come on.

This has to stop. Listen, it was duly processed and admitted. Oh, I know her. The leading fly surgeon. They could afford to Julie. The name's Julie. Oh, yes. It was duly processed and admitted as a patient.

Now, calm off it. Patient. She's full of shit and so was the patient. Right. Will you not speak about our readers like that? It must mainly be

window concussion flies are being seen for. Yeah, probably. Do you want any updates on the house fire? Cover the newspaper collision. Had a bit of fisty cups with a paper. No, no one has a newspaper.

People are sitting them with a tablet. Joe continues. It's currently in its own little enclosure in the ward. The ward. housefly ward with plenty of food. Is it a very sticky ward that hangs from the ceiling? Plenty of food. Is that from the other patients?

You don't want it when the spiders start getting in there. Apparently, it seems to be doing okay, although I'm not sure what the prognosis is. I'd be interested to hear what Frank thinks about this. Well, how long do they live if they're not injured? What is the lifespan of a housefly? Isn't that a famous statistic that it's so short? Isn't it three days or something? That's the Mayflower.

Oh, is it? Mayfly is 24 hours. I think. Housefly must be sort of a few weeks. Am I allowed to briefly Google this? Yeah, please. I'd love to know. Frank doesn't normally let it, but given that we don't know this, I've grown to love houseflies in recent years

because for my dog, houseflies are like having an Xbox. Do you know the average? She will play for hours like that. The cats of the sky, she calls them. Do you want to know how long they live? Go on. They live typically between 15 to 30 days. Oh, okay.

I mean, I'm sorry, it's hardly. worth a bed. Yeah. If it's on the ward, that's a waste of time. That's what people say about the elderly. Frank, 15 to 30 days. And they come with their own flies, usually. Oh, wow.

I think if you show up to a vet hospital with a broken fly, you should be sent to a people hospital immediately for your brain. Well, I've had a broken fly before. I just see a safety pins. I mean, I do think a housefly is pushing it. Deer, yes, hedgehogs, yes. Swans, bring it on. Housefly, no, Frank.

We have to draw the line somewhere. There's a service you can text, I think, if you find a bird with a sort of broken wing or something or like a knackard pigeon, and you stand by it, and they sort of bicycle to you and pick it up and bicycle it to a pigeon hospital. Are we shot now and that a few weeks? Me and Kath on a walking holiday found a baby rabbit on the path

that didn't look very well. I can't bear it. We did that thing. We put it in shade. It was a really hot sunny day and then we thought we'd done enough. Like if I hear blood-curdling screams in the street at night, I'd just make a note of the time.

To help the police. Text your manager saying Netflix documentaries, do their counters, appearances. To help the police slash ensure my alibi. Frank also, John from Staines has got in touch. Hello, everyone. It was funny to hear Frank talk about red rum recently. You were talking about red rum.

I once worked at the International Casino in Brighton. I love the sound of that. We had a plaque on the wall in reception. That's a bit clubbing. Yeah, I was going to say, yeah. International for whom? Yeah, carry on. I'm a member of the International Casino in Brighton, actually.

We had a plaque on the wall in reception that noted that the casino had been opened by Red Rum in 1983. Wow. Two back legs. You can still see the shoe marks on the door. It was a smash and grab, wasn't it? In the five years I was there, I tried desperately to find a photo of the event as I genuinely wanted to see how he cut the ribbon. Sadly, no evidence was forthcoming, John from Staines.

I have to say, I mean, I knew horses were big celebrities in the 70s. In fact, we were only earlier today we were discussing. Justin Chirgar, Corbier, Aldaniti, etc. I didn't know that Red Rom was actually opening events. Well, I tell you, I did a corporate with Red Rom. So, yeah, he was big time. He got around. He did, yeah.

Yeah, but the fact that he, you did a corporate with him, he was opening it on his own, it sounds like. There was no celebrity accompanies. They couldn't afford me. Just went for the horse. There's no ribbon, just an apple. I am just because it's Halloween is nearby I went on a Halloween trail this week

and it's at a place called Kenwood in North London Kenwood House and they had a headless horseman it was really quite terrifying and not just it was riding round on a black the horse had a head that I think that'll be the godfather trial.

The head will come off the horse. The horse didn't have a head. It would look like a pommel horse from a gym. Exactly. So it was riding round this headless horseman, tall guy, very tall guy I saw, with a gauze t-shirt on. But it was really quite scary. And there was something I wanted to pass on to our readers.

If anyone's doing pumpkins, they did a thing with the, eyes of the pumpkin where they put a slight V in the top of it so it looked a bit like a cat's I'll put a picture up but it I've done I've cut loads of pumpkins over the years

for Halloween and I've never got one to look truly evil but I'm just telling you just put that V in the top and strike and there is... Do you put it over the eye hole of it? Well it looks it makes it look a bit like a cat there are you know as we've established intrinsically evil so is it like

the count from Sesame Street eyebrows else you're going for? I can't remember. I was a bit old for Sesame Street. I could read by then. You and your bloody books? Yeah, exactly. We learnt like from the teacher

rather than from pop the tree. So V holes above the eyes. I'm going to put the picture up as a guy. It's transformational. It makes a Jack O'Lantan, which I think is the Irish version. A Jack O'Lantin, it makes it from Smiley to absolutely terrified.

I might put a picture of the headless horseman as well while I'm at he. He won't be recognised. He didn't have re-box visible underneath the other. No, no, he'd gone the whole. He'd gone the whole. There was no head. It wasn't carried... No, often they'd carry the head.

Yeah. He didn't. No, he'd discarded the head. He was riding around looking for it. To be fair, there was a low bridge just up the road. He might have been arriving at her. It might have just been red rob at opening. The next episode of Frank Skinner's Radio Days is out on Wednesday. Our best bits are from 2010, and we're discussing books. We're embarrassed we've read.

Yeah, in Australia, every book. It's Frank off the radio. Frank off the radio. Frank off the radio. It's the Frank Skinner podcast, don't you know? Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via Frank Off the

Radio at Avalonuk.com.