The Frank Skinner Show - Tea Alarm

Episode Date: April 14, 2025

David Baddiel is back with Frank and Emily. In this episode there's chat about Frank and David's Severance Club and questions about disposable pants. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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This is Frank off the radio. I'm joined by Emily Dean and David Baddiel is with us today I particularly like that fanfare Hooray! Very old style fanfare RKO news report Are there modern cotton-air-jop-to-date fanfests? Well no, there's sort of modern things that aren't fanfests anymore, they're jingles aren't they? People don't go for fanfests.

They finish a bit. Follow the podcast on X and Instagram, you can email the podcast via Frank off the radio at avilonuk.com. You can WhatsApp us on 07457417769, I'm sure you all know that off by heart. What's replaced the fanfare? Well, I think the Royal Family still have them. I think they still do them. Yeah, but they don't go, King Charles. This is a bit of Eddie is on material, so it's not my bit of material, but it's very, very funny where he does a whole

thing about why do they have those? Are they just essentially saying the Royal Family's on the way, here they are, here they come? That is essentially what they're for, which is correct. Yes, yes. I saw an audience with the Pope and he just came on and went and started... He didn't have any support? So, it's very well done. You would have thought a Cardinal or something. No, as he walked down the stairs there was a German umpire band that started playing and I don't know if he looked genuinely surprised by it. I also quite like the idea that you went to an audience with the Pope like we went to

an audience with Spike Milligan. I like the Pope was taking questions from celebrities in the audience. It looked like Jerry Hallowell in the audience. It was great, yeah. So what do you think about girl power? I like the idea that she'd have asked what do you think about Opus Dei? She'd have asked very Catholic specific questions. How long is an audience with the Pope?

I think LWT, it's what, 90 minutes? Directed by Michael Hurl? Oh dear. Yeah, the one I went to was a good couple of hours. Was it? A couple of hours you say? Wow. That's with an uncle and I think

he had a support act. Phone switched off, airplane mode. Phone switched off. I've got the photos to prove it. That was he was speaking in, no not Latin. Italian. He spoke in Italian yeah but it was translated. Did you get that to meet him because you're famous or does anyone get to it? How do you get tickets to the him because you're famous or does anyone get to it? How do you get tickets to the audience? He's an important Catholic man. Oh yeah. Frank Skinner. I was number 69 in Britain's most influential Catholics. There we go. Of course it had to be 69. Venerable Bede still number one. No. 20 years later. Who was number one? Who is Britain's top Catholic? It's got to be

DEC, Madison DEC. I don't know. I think it was a politician. Oh yeah, probably was. Anyway, the last podcast we did, we mentioned Bradley Walsh. Now I was on about Bradley Walsh does a TV documentary called something like what was it called the Egyptian Cosmic In which he goes to ancient Egypt Although he was in Doctor Who of course, it's called Bradley Walsh colon Egypt's cosmic code. I don't want to see Bradley Walsh's colon colon, Egypt's cosmic code. I don't want to see Bradley Walsh's colon. It should be Egypt's comic code with Bradley Walsh, which he finds jokes in the hieroglyphs.

Bradley Walsh colon what? Egypt's cosmic code. Wow. And what I particularly like is in the publicity shot Frank, he's got an Indiana Jones hat on. Of course he does. Because that's where they go, make him look like Indiana. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And one of those photographers' flak jackets. Oh really? So it's not completely Indiana? Well it is sort of a... It's a kind of mixed metaphor.

Yeah, a very mixed metaphor. Yeah. No, Indiana never wore a flak jacket. Well I was... Calm down. I was surfing, channel surfing. Oh, I thought you were actually surfing. I thought, well that's a new one. God, what happened?

New key. I'm frightened of water. Yeah, you can't even swim. That's really a development. That's why we had Carl the newspaper in the bath. I'm frightened of the water. You can't even swim. That's really a development. That's why we had coal and newspaper in the bath. I'm frightened of the water. Does just sit on it I think. That's kind of the same. Yeah, I ground the dirt off with the coal. So I saw it, I actually stumbled across Egypt's cosmic code with Bradley Wong and he was in this in the big museum in Cairo and he notices across the room you know the big Toot and Carmen gold mask, the famous one, that's always used on the pictures of you and he walks over

to that he's going oh wow oh wow I can't he said this is like a lifetime's dream come true Is it? For Bradley? That's a four hour flight! What's been holding you back? What are you paying to see? Also I see that Imagine Bradley thinking I'm desperate to see Tootin comes I'm damned if I'm

paying I'll wait till someone offers me a documentary One of the things about Tooten coming mask which always relates to something my childhood Which is I don't know if you had this in the Midlands in the 60s But it was a very common thing and I have talked about it on telly and stuff and in stand-up Which is that if you didn't believe something when I was a kid you would say Cheney Recon you would mime your cheer Cheney Recon Jimmy Hill Sometimes people would go to Tutenkham The long thing that you had yeah, they do that at Westminster and places like that though

I don't think we never had that you never had Cheney Recon never rate Yeah Like that though. I don't think so. No, we never had that you never had chinny Rick on never reach Yeah, I think it was a later thing because it was very social in my mind with Jimmy Hill being a commentator and not the head of the players union well, it's a Speaking of things that happened where I grew up. I Discovered I think Emily might have been talking about this that there is an internet phenomenon Mm-hmm in which people from the UK kidded Americans. Yes. Was it an alarm or a buzzer or something? It's called a tea alarm. Yeah. And so what they've done is it's kind of a it was a TikTok trend

basically where they pretended to Americans were fooling Americans that the UK has this tea alarm every day that goes off a certain time and everyone has to stop It wouldn't be like a clock It would be like Big Ben if they wanted to believe that. It would be an enormous bell being rung by the serfs Maybe David even a fanfare. Yeah fanfare. Yeah, and so people believe this in America Americans they will believe these things and that we at that point we do what we get out the China We and they tried to do that, you know, and they do it on daytime TV shows like this morning

then, decided to do a tea alarm and so anyway yeah. Oh I see they joined in. Now the reason what I thought about was I'd forgotten that when I was a kid growing up in the West Midlands, in the morning and in the and at lunchtime as they call it in the South, dinner time as they called it. Even in mornings you drink mornings. Exactly. Well that was the 80s. So you would told it was time to start work, it was time to have your lunch break and it was time to go home. Wow.

Mega loud. It was like a sort of call to prayer. Yeah. Like a call to labour. Call to labour. Hang on, you could hear this from your home. I mean it was massively loud. Everybody could hear it. I mean I have talked about this but but I tell you what it really reminded me of was the sound of my father having sex

But it really was a very similar noise because as I've said many times I grew up thinking there was a wounded walrus in my parents bedroom and that that noise really reminded me of it Okay, well this was also a call to labor He did vote Labour, generally. Oh, God. I think he called it the ball, but it's just an amazing thing. That is an amazing thing. It's such a suggestion that the whole community is on its way to the factory.

You know what it brings up is a very LS Lowry picture of his childhood. It's very Matt Stork men and Matt Stork cats and dogs. And by the way, why did, I'm going to say Ted and Ralph, but it's definitely not them, Brian and Michael, thank you. Why did Brian and Michael call it matched stalk men rather than matched stick? Yes, they did call it matched stalk. What are they doing? Is that a Northern thing? Why is it called the sunglass hut, that shop?

Oh, you've always been obsessed by that. That's true. Why is it called the sunglass hot that shop. Oh, you've always been obsessed by that Why is it? hot the Sunglass hats are just not Brad Bradley Walsh would discover well being Indiana Jones And he's finally got to the center of the sunglass hut and it's some kind of pyramid I would have said yeah the sun shines on and And you can sharpen, remember the theory that if you kept razor blades inside a small pyramid they would sharpen themselves.

I didn't know that theory. No, I've never heard that. Can I ask Emily a question? Someone will write in and explain how that works. Okay, can I ask Emily a question? She'll know about this and I don't know if Frank... As long as it doesn't involve your late father. No, no, it's related to what Frank's saying, which is the tea thing, which is... So I mentioned White Lotus on the last... You did? And there's a rumor going around at the moment that two of the actors in White Lotus, I probably

shouldn't say who they are, are having an affair and blah, blah, blah. Off-camera you mean? Off-camera, yeah. Yes. Anyway, I was looking at that. It was all very internet because it was all like, oh, he's unfollowed her. I was looking at that. They've unfollowed each other, blah, blah, blah. Off camera you mean? Off camera, yeah. Yes. Anyway, I was looking at that, it was all very Minternet because it was all like, oh he's unfollowed her. I was looking at that.

They've unfollowed each other blah blah blah. And then someone else said- What is Minternet? What is the Internet? It's not Minternet. Did you say Minternet? No. I thought that was something I had heard of.

I didn't say Minternet. It's not the- I want to know if you've heard of this, which Emily will have heard of, which relates to what we're saying, which is this began my little rabbit Hold this from seeing someone posting and saying I want the tea. Yes. I want the tea. I want the tea Yeah, give me the tea. Give me the tea. I want to hear the tea That is what does that mean spill the tea spill the tea that's taken over I learned that initially from Katherine Ryan because she would always text me and say come on girl. What's the tea?

Yeah, spill the tea. Yeah, it spill the tea. It means the gossip. Is it letter T? No, it's spelled T-E-N. That's why I brought it up, because it is an American internet thing, but they use tea like the thing that we have when the bell goes off. Right. So that's why you don't say what's the gossip or what's the skinny or you have to say what's the tea. But do you know why that is? What's the literal, why is tea being used in that way? I'm guessing it's to do with the Boston Tea Party.

Possibly. Goodnight. It's over already. I have no idea where that is. We can't. History. It's over, it's over. Tell them away.

So one thing I wanted to- I wonder if anyone ladled the water out of the bay after they'd tipped. And then tried to have tea with it. Yeah, well there was so much tea in that water. That's an interesting idea. And then had like really a lot of tea. And just imagine the scones you'd have to get from all over America. English people coming from all over America.

Of course there was still a lot there then. Well, what's the idea with the Boston Tea Party, now you've mentioned it, was that that was a kind of assault on Englishness because we were chucking the tea over the wall. Well, it was a tax, they had to pay tea tax. Yeah. And they didn't want to pay the tax. They didn't like it.

So instead of unloading it onto the boat. Why are you speaking like that? I don't know. Why are you speaking that weird way? I think I was trying to sort of patronise them or something in a silly way. Oh I see. But I like the idea that it was a kind of symbolic assault on Englishners, we're going to spill all this tea that they love, but then it gets reclaimed by the English because

they appear and they just ladle it out of the harbour and they have lovely cups of tea forever. Exactly, all sat around. This episode is sponsored by Shopify. Do you ever feel like you're missing out because it seems like everyone is either starting a side hustle or becoming their own boss and you know what they're hearing a lot? It's the sound of another sale on Shopify, the all-in-one commerce platform to start, run and grow your business. Shopify is the commerce platform revolutionising millions of businesses worldwide.

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and our tests it to last the equivalent of 20 years of use. That's the ultimate form of sustainability. I'm Nelson Fresco, President and CEO of Miele Canada. Until June 30th, every purchase of a Miele dishwasher or laundry machine supports the preservation and restoration of Canadian forests through the Miele Forest Initiative. Join us in making an impact today for a better tomorrow. Visit Miele.ca to learn more. I think you wanted to bring up something from the outside world Frank because I was about to bring up a new subject but I know you want to talk about the outside world. I worry sometimes that we don't include the listeners when we get carried away.

He does worry. I care. Okay. We do care about them. All right so do we need to mention them? Well there was this. Yeah, it's under control David. Okay.

It's fine, don't worry. We'll do the housekeeping. Okay, I've got my thing. I'm worried about that because I've got a thing I want to talk about but. Don't worry. We'll do the housekeeping. Okay. I've got my I'm worried about that I've got a thing I want to talk about but I don't worry that ages you worry quite a lot. Don't you know You do quite a bit This is from cam lovely name medieval maybe river in Cambridge. Yes Dear Frank Emily and David and she doesn't say that, does she? No. I believe it's a he, but anyway.

Okay. Frank mentioned going to see the classic Shakespeare jolly, Richard II. Hmm. Starring Thirst Trap, Jonathan Bailey. Are you familiar with Thirst Trap? Thirst Trap, yes. I'm familiar with it. I'd love to hear you explaining Thirst thirst trap. Take it away, David. Well, again, like tea, I'm not entirely sure of the literal meaning, but it just means hotty, doesn't it? It just means I fancy that person.

I wonder if it's a greyhound racing reference. No, so Frank, Thirsting... I remember I used to say, if anyone was very early in the pub, basically people with alcohol issues, they used to say, oh, he traps pretty fast, which is a good grayhound. But that's what first out of the traps must mean then, right? He's first out of the traps. I like the idea because it's very unlikely that a drunk grayhound would be first out of the traps. If he would just stay in the trap and go to sleep.

Remember, they weren't drunk at that stage. They were just thirsty. Right, okay, I see. But thirsty online, as you may know Essentially means also if someone is chasing off to likes or something like if you take a picture of yourself posing Oh, we see. It's like oh bit thirsty. Anyway, Richard the second Yeah, so Jonathan Bailey is a thirst trap in Richard the second. Yes ten years or so ago I was saying Dave I went to see Richard the second. So you just said anyway You did. The front row facing me because it's in the round there was only one

Gentleman on it and the rest were all women in their 20s. Okay, and when Jonathan Bailey came out there was saliva in the aisles Yeah Like a punk gig. My girlfriend at the time booked us to see Richard the Second in Stratford-upon-Avon. This time starring Doctor Who favourite David Tennant. And then Cam has put in caps, so you know he means business, for the very same reason. Okay. Also thirst trap. You got it. I see. She got us front seat tickets and at one point a younger David sat casually on the edge of the stage right in front of us bare feet Too large for OnlyFans

dangling like one of those cat toys with the feather ends whispering in the wind Teasing and playful. I think the letter's normally this long. No, but this is like a longer. This is like a letter to an old-style pornographic magazine. It's like a Reader's Boys letter. Well, we have to take your word for that. Well, he's about to finish. OK. I bet he is. Dave's thinking, why aren't I talking? I am thinking that a bit.

But yes, tell me the end of it. No. My ex had to restrain herself from grabbing his tippy-toe holders and gleefully told me this many of it. No. My ex had to restrain herself from grabbing his tippy toe holders and gleefully told me this many times after the show. Is this phenomena about the actor who plays the second Richard or the character and personality of Richard the second that is alluring to certain members of the audience? Right.

That question to either Frank Skinner or David Baddiel. Yeah. I'm guessing that if I played Richard the second, and don't tell me I'm too old, because you know, I'm not sure exactly when... I think you're ready for later, darling. Okay, but let's assume I could still manage... You're ready for Ibsen's grandfather. Please. Please, I haven't come in here to be insulted. Where do you normally go? But

I think that I don't know that necessarily that I would get the same saliva in the aisles. Well, I saw as Jonathan Bailey and David Tennant. I'm saying that as a self-deprecating thing. You were a lovely looking man. Many years ago I saw Richard II at Stratford with an actor called Anthony Howard. Oh yes, I know. Who was brilliant. I thought he was going to go on to be a big, you know, be in movies and stuff.

And then I didn't see him in, I saw him in Richard the Second and Richard the Third in the same season. Anyway, years later I watched Lord of the Rings and he wasn't in it, I didn't see him in it, but at the end I saw his name on the credits and he was Voice of the Ring. Voice of the Ring. Voice of the Ring? Remember the ring sometimes goes... Because the ring's big.

Is that what the ring says? Yeah, it says whispering. It's just whispering. No, they call it Anthony Howard to do that. I've obviously never watched this because I'm so uninterested in things like Lord of the Rings. I didn't know the ring was so uninterested. I didn't know that.

Can I just make a point here, which is about Shakespeare. You will? Okay. But so uninteresting I didn't know that can I just make a point here which is about Shakespeare. Are you okay? Which is we were talking earlier off camera off off microphone About all anxious about what no no it's fine. It's not a bad thing Spoiler about spoilers yeah, we were and we were because we might go on to talk about the fact that me and Frank are very Big fans of severance and Frank comes around to watch severance at my house when it was yeah, but what will miss the Snape as we call him Yes

Very very good Anyway, then we said which is true that if you talk about severance Anything really that's on telly at the moment publicly publicly, online or wherever, someone will say, oh I haven't watched it yet, no spoilers, no spoilers, and if you do say anything about it, you get absolutely hammered by the spoiler police. And Frank made this point, which is how long, how long before you are allowed to talk about it? And then I thought, yeah, I mean are you not allowed to give away the end of Richard II,

for example? And indeed, Shakespeare did it himself with all's well that ends well. What kind of spoiler is that? Completely ridiculous. Very true. Well, we want, sorry Frank. I read a column in the tablet this week, the Roman Catholic magazine. And the woman was saying that there is a, she said there's a character she's worried about naming the person.

I mean the finale, this particular episode she's on about went out ages ago. But she's saying there's a character who's pretending that they have been severed, their brain is sort of somewhere else. But in fact, they're totally aware of what's going on. And it was a real terrible moment when we realised we thought this was the person that we loved and cared about, but it turns out to be, you know, someone who's very manipulative. And then the whole crux of us saying this is, and this is how I feel now when I look at the Labour Party. What a fantastic metaphor. Yeah, fantastic. I mean actually on that note, Severance, Frank has described it there, is about the idea that you go to work and you sever your brain because you're depressed and so... Well, many reasons. Many reasons,

but basically you separate your work life and your home life completely. You become two people. And you don't know what's happening. You've got a sort of functional dementia there, and you have no memory of it when you're at home. And what I was wondering was, because I've never had a proper job, you see, I've only ever done this. No, no, you worked in a second hand bookshop for two days. Yes, that's true. Is that literally the only... have you ever done any... Well, I come to that because

I wanted to ask, we can't talk about that, but I wanted to ask Frank who has worked in a factory that he hated whether or not he would have taken the Severance chip at the time. I did take the Severance chip but it was called mild. That's basically what I did. I would come out and get so drunk in the evenings and at the weekends That's how my drink problem started that I'd forget that I work I I couldn't remember what it was like to be in that factory and what it felt like Because I literally would get to Sunday afternoon and I'd start to feel the anxiety in my shoulders. I'm back there tomorrow Yeah, that's very severance. So it is, I did, I used alcohol as a severance technique.

There's probably some jobs, in fact, that we've both done since then that we might have wanted to be severed for, I don't know, gag tag for you possibly. Oh no, I enjoy it. The Brits, Frank. The Brits you'd want to be severed for. I was actually severed for that. That was Leigh Mack hosting.

The thing about severance though, is that I would like to choose certain events. You can't do that, can you? It's a bit all or nothing with severance. You make a decision to be severed. No, no, no. Have you watched the whole thing? Yes, of course I have.

Well, in Lattlee, spoiler alert. Oh, I see what you mean. Okay. Yes. The Gemma who is being severed in many different ways, every single unpleasant event they're creating you can be severed for. But we shouldn't go too deep.. But we shouldn't go too deep. No, we won't go too deep.

What we should talk about though is that Frank, as we know from last week and as you may know if you just followed me and Frank in life, we live in the same road. And so what has happened recently is that we've had a sort of regular meet-up where Frank has come round to my house to watch Severance with me and my daughter who likes it. But there is a spin to this. And we've also got a WhatsApp group called Severance Watchers. Yes.

Oh Michael, that's adorable. On which I put a picture of my dad. Why is your dad on the picture? I think I put a picture of my dad because it was the first one that I found, but also because he had a type of severance because he had dementia, of course. So he was severed in his own way from the world. While we're here and talking about my dad, before he had dementia, he did do a thing that was extraordinary, which is when I lived with Frank, which I did for six years,

I became very used to the fact that he does a thing. Seventh. Was it seventh? Was it seventh? What an angry wife on the anniversary. I was actually severed for the last year. Anyway, it was too difficult. But he-

I thought you were severed very early on. Yeah, but he does a thing which you'll know about. I did a Jewish joke, but I think I got away with it. Oh, probably. I liked it. It's good. I approved it. Is it okay to laugh?

It's alright. It's been approved by the best din. The Jews will like that joke because they have to approve the mutzes. That you eat at Passover. How topical is that? Anyway, he does a thing, which he probably has done on this, but he has already done it when he started singing, he will get things in his head, bits of tunes, bits of weird speech, which in a, can I say this, slightly Tourette's way, he has to say all the time.

Like before, the reason that we started, before we started recording today, I, in a sort of Johnny Cash voice, went, I shit myself today. And Dave says, I'm glad you still do that. Yeah, he does do that all the time. Although that particular thing, I'm slightly- No, but he'll do things like, he has a thing Dave, of doing like, he'll sing the Simpsons

theme and then say the name of a serial killer or something. Yes, no, no, he does this all the time. Instead of the Simpsons. He does this all the time. In fact, Frank once explained to me that the reason he likes the Fall is that he thought Fall lyrics were a bit like... I thought Marky Smith had the same thing. That Marky Smith would just say something over and over again.

What do you think it is, Frank? Why do you do it? I don't know, but I actually like the feel of those things on my lips Yeah, he can't help he has to say and after a while I would just tune it out because he would just be saying these things Yeah, I just know but when my dad came around which he would and he was friendly with Frank He would just respond to all of them. So I'd go, I shit myself to Danny and he'd go, oh sorry to do that Frank, I wonder what that smell was. Every time. Yeah, he would have to do a kind of Welsh comeback to every single thing Frank had been

saying for months. So that was annoying, I have to tell you. Although, can I just raise a tiny point again? Which is although I am pleased that Frank is still doing that the example is a slightly problematic one for me Because I think it has to be the past participle of shit is shat I'm very unhappy I've never used shat. I love the fact that shit is an irregular I think that is a love for I think that is a London thing. I think northerners were allowed to get away with that. I know we had a guy that we call Cockney Gerry who I think was from Leatherhead. I don't like the sound of it.

But it was Cockney to us and he used to say, laugh I almost shat. I remember that was and we used to think no that's wrong. I see, I like that. I like the sound of Cockney Jerry's jib. Yeah. He was an interesting, he used to do this thing, if anyone asked for what he saw as a bit of a wimpy drink. So we were at the bar talking, we had a couple of mates and this guy came in and said, could I just have, could I get orange juice

with just a bit of soda in the top? He says, sorry mate, we had a rub with him in lunchtime, completely got us out of him. And very rude. I wonder what happened to him. Guys, can I share something from the outside world? My money's on debt. He didn't copy Jerry's debt. I put money on it.

Yeah, probably. He's no longer with us. He's no longer with us. Can I share something briefly from the outside world? I promise it's shorter David. I'm a bit frightened Okay, we haven't finished talking about Frank around to watch Severance. I do apologise. Okay. No, back to you. Well, well just well I feel like I know I feel it's rude now to not let you finish. It's not please. It's so over polite. Oh, come on This is a bit after you clawed. Well when Frank comes around to watch Severance because I have four cats I mean all football or anything in my house. He now has to take an antihistamine

I provide him with an antihistamine because he's allergic to cats and they're everywhere Yeah, and it's always a voice I get quite bad. I do get quite No, no, it's four. Okay Oh, they move about seven is mad four is I think acceptable? Okay, and it's interesting because I don't, like Frank, don't drink anymore, but I don't drink because if I hadn't stopped drinking I would have ended up on waste ground and be dead at 30 like Frank, but just because I think I've been a bit allergic to alcohol. So occasionally I do drink and I take an antihistamine before I drink now.

In fact I did that on holiday. but I got with the seven pound wine Michael is about that. Yeah, actually one of them was three euros 99 So, would you like this? You did you think if you couldn't sleep you would sometimes go down to the kitchen at night and drink whiskey straight out the bottle? I would. There's one particular moment. Are you joking? No, no, there's one particular thing which is not a great, actually I do like this story,

it's a good showbiz story I think, which is when me and Rob Newman did Wembley Arena we I didn't look at any of the reviews most of which were terrible just because we weren't liked by the press and they were just we were a phenomenon but not liked by the press and I said to James Herring the Avalon PR person don't send me any of the press about Wembley Arena and he didn't like that because he had worked very hard in his mind. So he just did. And it was sitting there like an unexploded bomb, this enormous sheaf of papers in my bedroom.

And I didn't read it. And then one night I couldn't sleep, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't sleep. And I went upstairs and just did, just succumbed to the desire and read all these terrible, terrible reviews and then drunk myself to sleep. And I think in my mind that Frank found me the next day on the sofa covered in bad reviews. Did you? Yeah, with his dressing gown slightly un- Oh, not a jar.

It wasn't a jar. I don't think I was pleasuring myself to my bad reviews. No, I think it was just difficult walking in when you were slightly exposed. Right, okay. Exposed in every way. But I think I had a sort of blanket on me of sort of terrible press. By the way, can I tell you something I haven't told you about Severance? Okay.

Which is, and I must say I really enjoyed, in fact I enjoyed going around there to the point that I suggested to Dolly, Dave's daughter, that maybe we could watch the whole thing from episode one, continue our severance slob. I'd quite like to be severed so that I can watch Severance again. But when I, I don't know if anyone who doesn't know Severance, I'm not going to go into the details of the show, but one thing, I was a late adopter, so when I first discovered it, I ended up watching 14 episodes in 3 days. So the second series had already kicked off. But I'm sort of glad that happened, because people who watched it from the beginning there was a gap of over three years between the first series and the second series. And when we

watched the finale of the second series, which was brilliant, you know when a show really delivers like you want it to, it's so exciting, we were all quite up and excited about it after. And I left and it was probably Half past 11 or something and walked past to my house And I as I walked back in the dark on my own down the road. I remember thinking I Wonder if I'll be around for the next When Frank left he did actually say I'm a bit worried about and then I think he said Oh, well, you can watch it for me. Yeah

Oh, I've got this horrible This is so poignant, I'm crying Dave Dolly in an empty chair with a framed photo of me Oh don't, I'm actually crying Maybe one of the cats can sit there I'm bothered They usually do They can put some old DVDs of it on the wall. Oh, like the most terrible rash. I have a sauna in my house. Good for you. It's an old shed at

the side of my house, not one that Frank's dad has set light to. I know that was in the previous podcast, but they can go listen to it. And it's just a tiny little cupboard basically the side of the house and it's we have converted it to a sauna and I use it quite a lot. Was it hashtag gifted? No. Okay. No. Just asking. No I paid for it. Okay. You know I'm trying to spend my money. I know like in that hotel you went to a lot of trouble to point out when you went to Sixth Sense's spa you said can I say I'm posting this picture but it is in no way no money has changed anyhow. I did say that on Instagram because otherwise people will think it has and also obviously

I want them to give me the next one. I know of course and they went, David thank you so much for staying, your wellness experience is so important. They did say all that. So basically if you see a holiday photo of David Baddiel and he doesn't say that, okay you can put two and two together. But I do have a sauna in my own house. A small shed-like sauna.

But there is an issue with it. Come on. Which is... It's hard to be humble about your home sauna. I'm not being humble. It's more about nakedness. Because one goes in the sauna, particularly one's own sauna, one thinks I can go in naked, surely, to my own sauna.

One goes in the sauna, you've changed. I do in fact have some disposable sort of pants when the does such a thing well when it's very upset about them I saw those advertised I would assume that they were a sort of sauna they were a sauna themselves yeah that you put them on and then I was so sweet and steamed your private part I sort of like those things in the 70s where you wentw a switch and steamed your private part. Oh, yes. Sort of like those things in the 70s where you went into a box and it steamed you. Yes. On the Turkish bath, was it called?

Yeah. Are they like the fake tan pants? You know, when you get spray tan? Yeah, basically, yes. They're like disposable pants, but because of my general way of being, I have not disposed of them. What? I've just kept them.

Well, I keep them, and I keep them in the cupboard, and I put them on again. What? Because otherwise I have to order more disposable pads. Did I ever tell you the first time I went... Dirty old sauna pads. Dirty old sauna pads. Well, they're just a bit stiff. They're not dirty.

Anyway, a makeup lady said to me, you need to get a tan. You're looking really pale as the winter goes on. And I said, what do you mean get a tan. You're looking really pale as the winter goes on. And I said, what do you mean get a tan? This is before the fake tan craze. And she said, go to a sauna, the production will pay for it. Go to a fake tan, you mean? Go to a stand-up, no, not a fake tan. Oh, sauna. No, not a sauna, a place where you get a tan.

A spray tan? Yeah. No. Tanning bed, not a sauna. A place where you get a... A spray tan? Yeah. No. Tanning bed. Yeah, one of those things they used to do. And she said, don't stay in for more than 7 seconds, 7 minutes. Anyway, I thought, well, 7 minutes, nothing's happened. So I stayed in for about 11. Oh. I was completely naked. But you don't lie down. It's one where you stand up and basically

you dance to European disco music. Oh, okay. Anyway, so she said you have to go a second time to get the proper tan. So I'd burnt, what I'd done is I'd burnt what I can only describe as my helmet. Right, okay. The first time. I think I may have heard this but carry on. Yeah so when you go in they give you these gold things that you fold into cones and you put them in your eye sockets so that the the tanning thing doesn't damage your eyes. They're gold reflective You know those, don't they? The discs. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so the woman gave them to me and I said could I have three? Oh my god. I said I stood it looked like

C-3 with no clothes. I don't know what's worse, your helmet or your dirty old pants. There's a thing I need to just say that became more problematic with the sauna, which is we had the sauna built and I used the disposable pads. Sometimes I don't use the disposable pad. At night I think, look, it's in the corner of my house, I can go in nude. Are your family okay with you being naked? Well, I'm not, I can go round the corner, you know, just, and then I take off my clothes,

and then I'm naked in the sauna. I don't need to know. No, but this is what you do need to know. Oh, I don't. There's a shower outside the sauna, I come out, I shower, I am naked in the tiny corner at night, everything's fine, no one's gonna see, except I forgot, forgot quite recently that we've had a security light fitted So I was literally in my garden naked and suddenly the whole garden was lit up

And I thought oh fuck and I had to rush back inside the sauna because who knows who could have seen me from all over This all over the NW3 area. This sounds to me like a preemptive excuse for that moment when the police turn up. I've already talked about this on a podcast and explained that... That's true, it's definitely not indecent exposure. It was definitely your garden. I couldn't find my disposable pants. My disposable sauna pants. And then the police says, well, is that a kind of sauna that you wear?

Yeah. And the policeman said, hold on, what's this book over here? Oh my darling, oh my darling, oh my darling. That's the reference to the previous podcast. That's fine. People, I think they listen, it's not all enough. Will you please though, for the love of all that is decent throw out those dirty old sauna pants Okay, I have a few of them. They're all To me, I don't understand the concept of disposable Like in the sauna pants for it. Oh god. Why why do you have to throw them out?

Because it's just unhygienic to keep putting those things on they're not built from the same way I've got to tell you now, in our house, we've got several plastic knives and forks in our cutlery drawer, which we also put in the dishwasher. Do you? Yeah. Because why throw them away? Oh, it's not pants though, Frank, is it? These are designed for one use and one use only.

Not pants yet. But also, why A, are you doing that, you are a rich man, you don't have to reuse plastic knives and forks. Oh it says pants over here. Pants is fine. The example I always give is my dad used to say if you throw bread on the fire the devil will appear. I don't like to waste anything. I wonder what level of Satan appeared when he burnt three sheds. I wonder what level of Satan appeared when he burned three sheds. Satan and all his minions. John Milton said, oh what's happening? Legions. Goodness me. Anyway, look, we've come to the end. Dave, it's been an absolute joy having you on for these last two podcasts.

I've enjoyed it immensely. Thank you, Emily. Thank you, Frank. And it's been much easier for us because we didn't have to speak. LAUGHS So it's been a joy. Thanks, Dave. Thank you very much. Thank you, guys. Check's in the post. I haven't plugged anything. Oh, do you want to plug something?

I think the paperback of my family, the memoir, is out now. Which is absolutely brilliant. Everyone says it's really really funny, the reviewers and just people. Oh I just loved it. And no paperbacks even better because you know you don't, can't hurt yourself on it. Do you bang your head on hardbacks? I know those corners on hardbacks. There's a reason there's such a thing as an airport book. You know those ones like… Yeah, trade paperback. Yeah, because you could hijack an aeroplane with a hardback book.

I never knew that. I'd like to see that action movie. Would you? I wouldn't like to see if I was on that aeroplane. But yeah, it is a dangerous sharp thing. Maybe the American Folk Songbook. That was hardback, I know. Well there we go. Don't for heaven's sake take it on an airplane. Especially not one to America.

Guys, how long is this podcast now? It's probably finished now. No, we've got, this is the ending. Oh, okay. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. The new winter change is blowing. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. I'm not totally sure how it's going.

Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via frankofftheradio at avalonuk.com.