The Frank Skinner Show - The Blu

Episode Date: July 11, 2025

This week Frank has been to the Sheffield Podcast Festival and has made a decision after watching PMQs. Also, Richard E. Grant, swapping bodies and a pre-licked egg. Whatsapp us on 07457 417 769 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Where's your playlist taking you? Down the highway? To the mountains? Or just into daydream mode while you're stuck in traffic? With over 4,000 hotels worldwide, Best Western is there to help you make the most of your getaway. Wherever that is. Because the only thing better than a great playlist... is a great trip.

Life's the trip. Make the most of it at Best Western. Book, direct, and save at bestwestern.com. This episode is brought to you by Intuit TurboTax Business. Introducing TurboTax Business, a brand new way to file your T2 with confidence. Maximize every credit and deduction for your business as you file with help from our experts. Whether you're running a food truck, a fitness studio, or a flower shop, TurboTax experts can help you

find write-offs you might miss and credits you never even heard about, ensuring you get the most from your return. Into a TurboTax business, new from TurboTax Canada. Some regional exclusions apply. Learn more at TurboTax.ca slash business tax. It's Fred off the radio, him and that posh lady-o and the one with the French name from South Africa came they're all here open brackets hooray close brackets today

um oh i've made my lips go tingly doing the trumpet thing. Like when, you know, sometimes if you have a raspberry or something, your lips go a bit tingly, like you've got an allergy. Oh yeah. Come with me. It sounds like you do have an allergy. Oh yeah. Everybody's here. You know when your throat gets all itchy and your face swells up when you eat mango. He's been eating those cheap 70s biscuits. Yeah, but I only really get it when they've been soaked in cat dander. Anyway, which is an African country on the west coast. Cat dander. This is Frank off the radio.

I'm joy- I just say African, makes the whole room tense up. I mean, I didn't say anything bad. It's alright. Pierre is African. Pierre's got a puppet. We're off the hook. Yeah, I think. Autism in Africa, we can say what we like because we've got Pierre in the room. Got the double A's.

Fingers out for a wee, we have to be very careful. This is Frank off the radio. I'll do it in a minute. I'm joined by Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. Follow the podcast on X and Instagram you can email the podcast via Frank off the radio at AvalonUK.com and you can WhatsApp us on hold it you can WhatsApp us on 7457 417 769 I missed the fall yeah that was quite a term. Yeah, I liked it. By the way, speaking of podcasts, you know we put out now about 17 podcasts a week.

We put two of these out and the poetry podcast starts again soon. Oh does it? And we've got Frank's radio days. They're going to put Frank's radio days, get this, out on Saturday mornings, which is when the radio show used to go. Oh God, it's a bit Norman Bates pretending his mom's still alive. No, she's fine. What do you mean? She's just been poorly. I love it because it's quite passive aggressive, which is very much my thing. It is a bit, yeah. It's very fashionable. Congratulations all involved in that decision.

Pass ag. Very fashionable nowadays. Oh yeah. You're very on pass ag to be honest. No, I'm more ag. Yeah, you're just ag. What are you? I'm in a good way though. Me? I think I'm a blank stone wall. I don't think there's ag or passeg. I think I merely exist like a sort of obelisk. Like an old bench. When you get angry you just go all Hercules. And then it's over. Like you throw a stone. Clean out a load of stables. Yeah.

To get over it. What do you do when you get angry? Get more pedantic. Oh, you don't... I guess. You don't smash people to pieces. No, no, but there's still time. I'm a waste. I'm a waste.

If I had that physique, man, I would be reeking fucking havoc. Frank, I'd be starting fights in empty rooms. I tell you man, people, they would really, if anyone put a bag on the seat on the train, they'd wake up two days later and they'd have to have it removed from their arse. What a waste. When I wear, because it's hot, I'm wearing like a tight fitting shirt, I notice if I wear anything snog with my physique, more people walk into me and generally trick. Why do you think that is? Because I'm obviously old and frail looking and most human beings, if you give them the

opportunity to bully and intimidate, they will take it with glee. I'm pitching that. You're saying that if you wear t-shirts, people bump into you less? If I wear something baggy, then they're not totally sure. I might just be like have a Bruce Lee type lean and muscular body. Whereas at the moment it's like the, you know, like I've just been exhumed. But you've just got a delicate silhouette. I have got a delicate silhouette.

And that's lovely. A buttoned up shirt with a collar suggests a man with a lifestyle that he wishes to protect. Whereas I think maybe on those days where you're dressed a bit more punk rock, I think, well, we can't mess with this guy. Yeah, maybe. There's room for all of us. We can't all be Doric Colum. I think in this outfit.

What a lovely Doric Colum you are. I think I went to school with Doric Colum. In this shirt, where could I be hiding a blade? I couldn't. Oh, God. I don't want to know. Should we pitch us a Freaky Friday thing to Netflix, where we swap bodies?

That would be great. It's not an unusual Freaky Friday, where it's like a mom and a daughter, but now it's just a guy who wants to beat people up and a guy who doesn't. That sounds like our third Edinburgh show. We have got Frankenstein. What was the one we had last week? Oh, it's Frankenstein. Was it some sort of Hercules based thing?

I think it was, I think you were playing as a blanket of the tennis player and I was playing your boyfriend. Oh, okay. That would get more awards and interest. I can't remember. It was a good idea as well. You know, write them down at my age. They've gone into the ether. I was watching PMQs. Oh, yes. And I have decided now that Keir Star was a great bloke. Why? And I'll tell you why. Because Nigel Farage...

Never knowingly not swimming against the tide. Nigel Farage got up to speak. That wasn't it. I didn't think, oh, it was this... Oh, yeah, Kirsten, I wasn't raised. Now, he said, you know, why are we putting up with this sort of... Why have we got a French state visit? You know, why are we... he didn't say what he should have said. I'll come to this. There's a word he should have used. I'll tell you this. I saw a thing in the telegraph this week that said, why are we kowtowing to the Islamic mob, said and I thought it's only ever people on the right who say cow towing isn't it? You never heard Jeremy Corbyn say cow towing. In the same way they often say brigade. Yes.

Do you remember Jim Davidson when I went to see him in Edinburgh Frank and he said oh dear we've got the PC brigade in tonight. Yeah, exactly. But also they say, you know, they say we'll go to hell in a handcart and stuff like that. Yeah. That's one of their favorites. And of course, free speech. Yeah. Yes. But anyway, so it used the word kowtow.

And I thought I hear people use that a lot on the right, but I don't totally. Are you aware of the details of it? I believe so. It's to prostrate yourself before the Emperor of China. Yeah, but what you literally do is you have to... Oh, I never knew that. Your forehead has to be on the ground. I mean, imagine the room I'd need. You'd need a sort of helipad. If me and Richard E. Grant turned up, they'd have to...

And let's not get started on Princess Marguerite II of Denmark. No, I mean they'd have to clear some... Runway. You and Richard E Grant could assassinate the Emperor who wouldn't think that you were going to get him if you bowed, but actually you'd crush him with your head. Me and Richard E Grant used to take it in turns to go to each other's houses and then project our favorite films onto the other one's forehead and watch it. It was lovely. Yeah.

And also, you'd have all bits on your forehead when you got up, wouldn't you? Gravel. Yeah. Yeah. Like when I went to the pub and the gaffer said to me, is your mate with you? And I said, no, no, he's at work. He said, he bloody isn't at work. He was in here earlier, drunk.

And I'd left him the night before at 2 a.m., standing on his lawn, just necking an entire bottle of Blue Nun. And he was a roofer, so he was working on the roof like five hours later. and he'd fallen off and uh sorry that feels like it should maybe be the headline of the story not with you it was a hard pass so he fell off the roof they took him to hospital but he didn't like needles so he ran off and went to the pond and sorry It's like you not wearing sunblock, you don't like needles.

He said, bring him in here. I said, I haven't seen him anyway. I found him eventually and he was very drunk but he'd still got like some quite large pieces of gravel in his forehead. Do you remember that character in The Young Ones who had like stones? It was like that but it was just stones. He had stones sticking in his head where he fell off the roof. Did he just accept that that's how he was now? He was a very hard man. But also it's fun that every pub he'd gone to they'd gone, I see no reason to mention

the rocks in this man's face. Nothing to see here. I thought he was like that all the time. It's like jewellery. I like the idea of him just accepting that was his life now. I don't think he knew about the rocks. I think he'd have... Don't be fooled by the rocks there I guess. Yeah I think he'd have pulled them out. I'm still... what's his name? They were set, they were beautifully set. What was his name? Like it got to H Samuel. But what, who was what's name?

What was his name, the friend? Shane. Oh, it's all making sense. So anyway, so he said, you know, why are we having the French here? They've done nothing for us, they're sending the boats over and all this Nigel Farage. And Keir Starmer said, this is not, he said, what he wants to do is put up two fingers

to our neighbors and then ask them to work with us. And I thought, oh, thank you, Keir, for acknowledging that it should be two fingers, the old traditional way of telling people to go away in Britain, not giving them the finger. And actually he's right because Nigel Farage will relate to that more. He translated it, he will relate to the two fingers. Well I don't know, maybe Nigel Farage thinks, you know, I'll try and be a bit more modern and go for the finger. A little tweed covered middle finger.

Who can say? And look, when he gives the finger it looks across at the little finger which surely has a pinky ring on it. What, Farage? Yeah. Anyway, that's what I saw. If Farage does have a pinky ring, he certainly bought it from H Samuel. Yeah, it's got a little pound sign engraved on it.

Hasn't he got a crest? It's a family crest. Oh, they always buy those. People who own toilet roll factories buy them. They make it up sometimes. Oh, do they? Yeah, it's disappointing. What you want is one that you can smush into wax to seal a document. That kind of crest. Oh yeah, that. You press it

in with your paint. But instead it's just, you know. I've got a, I've got a sealing thing that I got from Taskmaster. So you melt the wax and then it says TM. You could create your own sealed task envelopes. What I need is someone who's initials a TM. Do we know anyone? Do you know anyone? Theresa May. Oh lovely.

That would be lovely. You could sell it to her. And she probably does stamp her official documents. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Perhaps not anymore. I'm going to get one. Imagine doing it for autographs. Some kind of your autograph and you just melt wax onto their thing.

Yeah, but you don't just want to put FS. No. Do you remember? Because I got that from Frank Bruno once. What, FB? No, it was F yeah, F Bruno. Well, I started signing F Skinner at one point. I quite liked it.

I thought it was a bit, it's what I used to sign. When you had to sign the books at school, do you remember, it was like a form in the front. Anyway, listen, so I went to Sheffield at the weekend for a podcast festival, even though I wasn't doing a podcast, I was doing a radio show. You get any cutlery? That's why I always associate with Sheffield.

Yes. Well, I got a Sheffield goodie bag. Did you? I did. Did you not get one? No. Because Pierre was there as well. He can get the goodie.

Yeah, no. Was the bag full of razors? It was a bag full of Sheffield things. In fact, the first thing I took out was Simpkins Travel Suites. I thought they're making them age appropriate now, goodie bags. That's for the old guys, that one. And it's got that Henderson sauce that's famous from Sheffield. Henderson's relish. That'll be it. Yeah.

I don't know what it is. It's sort of Worcester sauce for northerness. Oh. At last. Yeah. So anyway, I got on the train to go to Sheffield and I was in first class, I'll be honest with you. And this bloke got on and he was an older guy, and he went,

Ugh! He says, you can never get a proper size suitcase in the luggage racks on a British train. Oh. And I thought, okay, I don't want to talk to this bloke for two hours, and he said, I've just been traveling in Europe, two countries. I thought, alright, Simon Reeve, that qualifies traveling in Europe. You know Simon Reeve, the ethnic scholar. Lovely man. Yes. He's on the longest gap year anyone's ever been on. He's charming, can I say. Doesn't he look like he lives on a gap year?

Not a sort of wooden bracelet. You know, we've all got a friend like this, I think, who was a student and just never stopped being a student, even after they left college or whatever. I interviewed him once and he was really doing some strong... Did he have the scarf? Of course he had the scarf and the photographer's flak jacket. And he was doing some real PR for sharks. He gets really upset when he thinks people are very down on sharks.

Oh, did he say that thing that donkeys kill more people in a year than sharks? That's what people always say. No, he didn't. But he said it's alligators we need to worry about, not sharks. What? Yeah. Anyway, I Gation if you're very posh and you travel around you have to pick a strange animal to suddenly care a lot about It's one of the rules. Yes, it has to be an animal that a normal person wouldn't like Brian. I'll tell you what Brian made tuberculosis written badges. Yeah posh people, they love a big cat, don't they?

Yeah. Do they? Oh yeah, they're all over the stately homes, the lions and tigers, Aspen Hall. But I think a lot of celebrities are thinking, look, I want to put activist on my ex profile, but why don't they care about anything? Why do they like to be activists? Because if you're not an activist now, it just means you don't care about anything. Oh, are you an activist?

No. So this bloke said to me... Two countries. Two countries in Europe. Belgium and France. And he said, and the luggage racks were excellent. Well, nice. Monsieur.

He said, and then you get here. And I thought, I went into glassy mode. So I just looked ahead with a glassy stick. So I thought, if I engage in any way with this bloke, I've got this for two hours now. You thought it was like a T-Rex in Jurassic Park. They see with movements, they still. Oh, don't mention them. My worst dinos were such short arms. Yeah, that's true. What a waste of pockets they are. That's why they don't wear trousers. So I remember thinking, look I might talk, I said to you I'm going to have it talking too much to a receptionist and stuff, But at least I don't moan.

No. And then I got to the hotel and I said, what time's breakfast? And they said, well, you need to book your breakfast slot ahead. And I said, why? And went totally into moaning old bloke mode. Why though? The great thing about a hotel breakfast is you wake up, sometimes you wake up early and you think, I'll eat now. Yeah. Go and eat now. You wake up a bit late, you think, I've still got 10 minutes. Grab a bit of... Were they doing that thing where you have to book a little half hour bursts? I think they just wanted, yeah, it was probably, and I went down there and of course there

was about four people in a restaurant that held about 200. Oh, that's always quite depressing. down there and of course there was about four people in a restaurant that held about 200. Oh that's always quite depressing. Did you just want to know how many eggs to put in the big wet tray? Well I had, I'll tell you what I had, I had cocoa pops and two hard boiled eggs. What? Yeah. That is an awful combo. I um...

Yeah but Frank's approach to dining, he's a bit like a fox. He's like a fox. If it's there, he'll have it. You'll literally see him walking down the street with a carcass hanging out of his mouth. Obviously. If it's there. I was going to make a fat beje out of it but I ran out of time. You're going to have a sort of cocoa scotch egg. Yeah, exactly. But if I go to a hotel and they've got Coco Pops, that's one decision made. I will not, not have Coco Pops. Really? At your time in life? The queen of the cereals.

What about the bacon, Frank? Oh no, I don't really care about the... I don't think even Kellogg's would call them the queen of the cereals. I think full English is a bit basic, isn't it? That's David Baddiel's favourite. Well there you go. Oh Frank. But did you have the Coco Pops or the eggs first?

I had the Coco Pops first. What? And then the eggs. This is a terrible... I I tell you what was complicated Do you like the chocolate milk or do you like to how do you? Do you like it when the milk goes do you intentionally make the milk go chocolatey? I will I eat them so fast they barely get time to color the milk to be honest I mean they are fantastic aren't they? No!

They remind me of every old girlfriend's mole I've nibbled on. Oh don't, that's absolutely disgusting. Yeah, and when it comes to the two hard-boiled eggs. Well, you've said enough, Fort Mrs. You've said enough. I've never eaten something chocolatey and thought, I could really go with egg now. I'd love some sulfurous. That's obviously people have thought that's a great combo. So my problem was, I forgot

about this, my dilemma was that you're a celebrity eating boiled eggs and cocoa pops in a public area. So I had the art, I shelled an egg. Sure. And then, of course in the modern sort of people, this was at the Radisson Blue. Oh. Have you ever heard of the Radisson Blue? Well I do know it's quite... No way! No? Just B.L.U. B.L.U. I think Radisson Blue guests think they're a cut above. Yes. Well, the problem with that is that the salt cellar was one of those that you had to turn it. Now, if you're eating a hard boiled egg, you really need three hands if you're going to do that because you've got one's holding the cellar, one's turning the thing. You know, what you want to do normally is drop the salt on the top of the egg oh I see what you mean yeah okay but did

you hang on is it you haven't split the egg open or anything oh no no I don't want to do that can't you put the egg on some sort of Olympic plinth well I put it in the cop and then I just all over it but the the table was covered in salt the grindy shells the grindy salt is more crystalline, isn't it? So it's sort of pinging off the egg shell. Well, it was sticking, so I licked the egg first. Sure, after the cocoa puffs. You lick the egg? You've got to lick the egg in case the salt doesn't cling.

No, you don't have to lick the egg. It's like a tequila shot. I'm going to eat it anyway. You bind into a lime afterwards? I'm going to eat the steak anyway. I don't lick it. I don't pick it up and lick it. Why did you lick it? So that the salt sticks to it. Oh pre-licking. Yeah pre-licking. I thought you said you got salt on it and then just lick the salt off like a deer. No, no. If I did that I'd do it on the back of my hand. He got the egg and he sat there in a public, I stress again, in a public place licking the egg.

Pre-licking the egg. So the salt stuck to it. And then this old guy went past and I thought, oh God, he looks like Michael Paley. And I thought, I'll tell him. And then I thought, no, there's probably people saying it all the time and someone come in and said to me you haven't seen Michael Palin? I have but I was covered in salt mate, what can you do? Michael Palin saw you licking the egg. Oh he didn't see me I don't think. He's been all over the world and that will still be for of the oddest things he's seen I think. Yeah, he throws Simon Reeve into a cop car.

Yes, yes. Has he? Two countries in Europe. I should have asked him about luggage racks for his next, there's an expert. I suppose someone deals with that for him. This episode is brought to you by DZONE. For the first time ever, the 32 best soccer clubs from across the world are coming together to decide who the undisputed champions of the world are in the FIFA Club World Cup. The world's best players, Messi, Holland, Kane and more are all taking part, and you

can watch every match for free on Dazon, starting on June 14th and running until July 13th. Sign up now at dazon.com slash fifa. That's D-A-Z-N dot com slash fifa. What's better than a well marbled ribeye sizzling on the barbecue? A well marbled ribeye sizzling on the barbecue that was carefully selected by an Instacart shopper and delivered to your door. A well marbled ribeye you ordered without even leaving the kiddie pool. Whatever groceries your summer calls for, Instacart has you covered. Download the Instacart app

and enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees, exclusions, and terms apply. Instacart, groceries that over deliver. So anyway, I happened to be doing a comedy show and I do a radio for comedy show and Pierre was one of the guests. We were both in Sheffield. Where did you stay? I stayed in the, a windowless easy hotel room, like a sort of sinister pod. When it's this easy, is there a Z in that easy? No, but it is orange like the flight. Oh, sorry, it's the same Courtney.

Oh, very much so. And as I entered my easy hotel, a shouting, barefooted woman smoking a spliff burst out of the automatic doors. Wow. Yes. How is Courtney love? You know when school plays, when someone has to play like Tiny Tim or Fagans Gang or whatever, they just kind of put charcoal on their face a bit to signify Victorian poverty.

It looked like this lady had done that. She had kind of smudges on her face. What did she say? What was her business? Victorian poverty. It looked like this lady had done that. She had kind of smudges on her face. What did she say? What was her business? I'm unsure what her business was. It didn't require shoes or socks, whatever it was. Did she ask if you wanted business? She was mainly just shouting in general as opposed to words. She might have gone in just for a paddle.

I think she was a guest there. I think if you make a hotel that cheap, then everyone will stay. You're not getting the likes of Palin in the breakfast buffet area. No, not like we do at the Blue. What there is instead of any kind of restaurant is the reception, a coffee vending machine and a crisps vending machine. That's it. That's all you need. Yeah.

Oh, I like a... I've never seen a crisp vending machine. What? No, I don't think I've ever come across that. You must have seen crisps in a vending machine. Yeah, but not solely, not a vending machine devoted solely to crisps. That seems unusual. I think it was. I was fleeting.

Already salted, of course. That's why, because they've invested in those twisty salt sellers in real life. Frank preparing to give them a good lick before they come out the back. They're on a loser. Licking the egg. Licking the actual egg. I'll tell you something else happened to me. You know when people, when you're an older person you say something and younger people

don't know what you're talking about. Oh all the time I get this. You know that. And you can use the tell, you know, if I'm gonna start talking about round the horn, I don't expect young people to know what that is. Or we should say Faye, lovely Faye, who is our close friend. I wouldn't say she was my close friend. Well she is my close friend and of the producers. My career to think about. Oh, Frank. He's a colleague, former colleague. Do you remember when Faye said, didn't know who Gazza was? And I thought that was interesting that he hadn't crossed over.

Yeah, but- To this generation. But I'm still occasionally surprised. So there was a comedian on the show called Finley Christie, you know, he's very funny. I don't know what age he is, but he's a young guy. I think of him as young. Yeah, okay. Well, if you think of him as young, I see him basically in liquid form. But he, somebody Lucy Porter mentioned the phrase dirty weekend and he said, what's that? And that shocked me. Would you know what a dirty weekend

was? I would, but it's not a phrase anyone uses. No, but it feels to me like something you could work out. Yeah. Call me crazy, but I can infer. Yeah. But he was shocked by it. He's Gen Z though. They just get locked in their house. But I don't know, that's another 10,000 radio, four listeners lost to reform. Thinking I can't live in this world.

The young people now aren't even banging on the weekend. No, it's not. No, it is. Basically, Gen Z don't really know the concept of a weekend. They're a bit like Dame Maggie Smith in Downton Abbey. What pray is a weekend? Because they don't have the nine to five concept. So maybe he doesn't know what a weekend is. It's working from home, I suppose. Maybe. I know, but a dirty weekend. I mean, I know it's a sexual thing, but it's still a British tradition, wouldn't you say?

Well, it depends where you are in Britain, I suppose. Although I miss this as a trend, I still know what hands and feet in a court jog means. I don't know what that is. I don't either. Well, that used to be a popular sexual position. Oh, God. Why did you take it down these roads? Because we were talking, yeah. Imagine, you know when you see an old circus elephant standing on a stool?

Yeah. With the feet all close together. Yes, yeah. What is like that? Oh my God. I don't see the logistical advantage of this position. You don't? No.

Picture it. I am. Is it not just bending over? It's bending over, but I mean it's easy to adjust. You just roll them around the room. I'm pretending I'm not here, just FYI. And I'm saying I also enjoyed it when Pierre's question about the sexual position was what is the logistical advantage of this position? Is that what he's saying in the bedroom? It's a bit like, but you know when you move a mic stand around on its circular base? Yes.

Well it's like that. Oh Frank, will you stop it? Move it around. You know what about circular bases and microphones? Anyway, maybe we should go to the outside world. I'm still, I'm still. You know, get court jogs now, of course, what with the metrics. Yeah, there's no one's, no one's.

That's not really my takeaway from that. Okay. No one's saying adopt the position of hands and feet in a litre strainer. Right, no one's adopting any positions of any hands and feet and instead we're going to get out of this, I'm reversing out of this cul-de-sac and I'm taking us into a much prettier ... Frank! A much prettier boulevard. Good.

Called the Outside World. Okay, lovely. Okay. I'll give you a jingle. Thank you. What was that noise? Well, I don't really have one. Sound like Miss Hammersham when there's a knock at the door. I'm not sure if I have one for outside world but I'll come up with something. Or we could just make one up. Here's one.

Now you've taken us back into our lovely territory. That was Sweep from the Suttie and Sweep shall fall in down a lift shaft. This is from Oggy. Oh, Oi. Which is Oggy, Hazel Grove, Stockport. Okay. I don't know if that's it, they've just been very specific, Oggy, about the address, the postcode. Could be a name, Ozzie Hagel Grove.

Oh, yes. Oh, yeah. Okay. Quite a 70s name, Hazel. Don't get women called that anymore. Hazel Grove is, was that the bloke who used to write lots of, what was the bloke called? Something like Ronnie Hazel Grove. Ronnie Hazelhurst. Oh Hazelhurst. The Crossroads theme. I don't think he did. No he didn't write it.

I think that was Tony Hatch and Jackie Trent. You're absolutely right. In case you don't know Crossroads Kids, it was the sitcom set in the West Midlands and it got a lot of bad reviews. One which stuck in my mind was that it was like pornography without the set. You're right, he was a famous musical director for the BBC and did lots of things. Anyway, Oggy says, Dear Frank, Emily and Pierre, re-celebrity discus. Oh yes, we were saying. We couldn't think of a household name discus player, a discus thrower. So Oggy's come up with one, you'll have to help me with the pronunciation here. Is it acastus or acostus? I don't know how you'd say that but apparently Acastus was in Jason and the Argonauts in 1963. Do you

remember that film Frank? I do that's Ray Harryhausen. Well Ogie says Acastus sits in the Celebrity Discus throwing chair as a result of this film. No he's a character. But was it, there was a time when they started casting athletes and that in films. Well, there were some we maybe won't discuss because I'm afraid they became famous for far more nefarious things afterwards. Did they? I don't know about that.

Yes, I think you do. But I can't think of who that, Johnny Weismuller who played Tarzan was a he was a swimmer I think or a diver but he was a diver Jason Statham was a diver. Correct. Was he? Yes. Jason Statham. Absolutely was. Trust me don't give me that look. No I'm not skeptical I just doesn't fit with his life now at all. You see I think of him more as a diver. Oh sure. I think of him more as a diver quite honestly. Really? Yeah. No I don't really I'm not skeptical. It just doesn't fit with his life now at all. You see, I think of him more as a diver. Oh sure. I think of him more as a diver, quite honestly.

Really? Yeah. No, I don't really. I'm just saying that to try and be clever. I think of him as a man who drives cars while wearing suits. And Bombardier Billy Wells, who was a boxer, he was the man who used to topless hit the gong at the beginning of rank films. Right, he was in great shape. Obsessed with shape at the moment. Anyway, Oggie continues, so, Acastus cunningly beat Hercules with a cheeky underarm lady throw so he could join the Argnorts. Oh, I remember that.

Praise not redacted. I don't remember a cast... You're right. No, I just had something in my throat, but it's fine. I don't remember a cast sort of taking off or discus throwing becoming fashionable as a result of that film though. What does he mean by underarm as well? I couldn't quite figure that out when I read it. I thought all discus throwing was underarm.

Like that, right? Something like that? It comes from behind you though, doesn't it? You're doing the spin? Is it always underarm it? No I'm not sure about that. I think anyway at least Augie's come up with someone. Don't get me wrong, I mean I've never heard of him and none of us have heard of him. That reminds me of when that old university friend of mine, and he introduced me to his son, he said, this is Emily, we're always talking about Emily, you know all about Emily and you've met her before.

And he said, no, and I've never even heard of you. Just to really make me feel worse. I kind of loved him, that child. He knew what he was doing. And it was very wounding. I felt like I was going to cry. And how old was this child? He was about seven. He knew age of reason. Oh, not 23. Oh, he knew then. I've never even heard. He didn't need to add that. He could have just

said, oh no, I don't remember meeting you. I've never even heard of you. But people do love telling you. I will. Yes. Someone will come up to me and say, oh, Frank, this is Susan. She's never heard of you. Yeah. I've never heard of her. Why tell me that?

Leave me to make cocoa pops and eggs. Exactly. Can't you see I'm busy? And did you get people saying, yeah, that absolutely right. I never listened to your show, Frank. I just, people are self-rightened to being impressed in this country. Yes. Yeah.

Like I said to me, my wife's a massive fan of yours, I sort of think you're sort of alright. Yeah, but I didn't need your end of the bargain. No. I get that at home. We've got Mrs B, actually Fiona. You're the cup book woman. Mrs B from Bath. Right, okay.

She's often in touch, Mrs B from Bath. But before we get to Mrs B from Bath, Fiona Munn, just on the subject of string vests, my late dad used to have sets of string vests and he referred to them as his shreddies. Are you familiar with that description? He particularly, yeah, because he had the pants as well as the vests themselves. I have heard that term. My dad referred to his pants as his cocoa pops. Not really.

Where he put his eggs. Oh please. Oh my god. Order! I don't think we've got time left. Not really. Where he put his eggs. Oh please. Oh my god. Order. I don't think we've got time to share Mrs B. Oh go on Mrs B, it's fine. Read your suggestion.

Mrs B sounds like someone from Beatrix Potter doesn't it? Yeah. Like a small bee in a bonnet. I like Mrs B. Which is where bees like to be of course. She also sounds a bit like the cook in sort of upstairs, downstairs. Yeah, exactly. Read your suggestion Frank that chefs could create yeast and make rolls from their talc

based body paste. Do you remember this suggestion? No, that you're bringing up, yes. This put me in mind of an exhibition I went to. I'd have killed for that at the Blue. So I'm calling it the Blue like people actually call it that. I'd never heard of it before the weekend, Radisson blue. Really? What does it mean?

It's just like, it's a form of Radisson. But is blue, B-L-U, is that how the French spell blue? Absolutely not, B-L-E-U they call it. So what is B-L-U then? It's someone in the marketing department at Radisson who said, hey, well, let's make it a bit more contemporary. Yeah, it's the color blue for people who are in a rush. Yeah.

Think of all the time you save. I think it's a bit trendier. If you take the E off, lose the E. Is it saying that we don't have any E's? You're not allowed to have E's at the hotel. Oh, Frank, of course it's not saying that. Well, he was at the E's hotel, he said. LAUGHTER

Put it together. If you put your your trip together you'll finally make a word of some sort blue be hell you I went in there for power can we finish this is be so anyway and she went to an exhibition at the V&N London on the subject of future food. Scientists have collected body bacteria from celebrities and actually used it to make cheese from the likes of Professor Green, Alex James from Blur, oh he's always around when cheese is involved, and Suggs from Madness. The bacteria was collected from celebrity armpits, noses, toes and belly buttons and the resultant cheese was on show

proving that nothing is celebrity proof these days. Well I couldn't eat anything without a Sox from Madness because I'm an alcoholic. Oh, right. That would just start me off again. If they asked you, if they approached you to make cheese, which bacteria, the bacteria from which part of your body would you like to donate to the V&A? How can you ask me that? Well, I'm afraid it's there hanging in the air. I think... It's like your bacteria.

I think... I went to my carotidist recently and he said, what you been up to? I said I went on an archaeological dig. He said, oh, that's interesting interesting and then he was just taking my sock off and he said oh god what you done to your toe now I said well it was like like a white patch so I just cut it out with the scissors and he said oh right that's one way of dealing with it he said what did you find I said it was like white gon Ganges stuff. He said, no I mean on the archaeological dig. Oh man, life's so confusing. Anyway, listen, before we slide away, we've got a guest next show. On occasion we have a guest and we've got Harriet Kemsley who was on other things, Last One Laughing and stuff and I actually did a podcast panel with her recently. She was very very funny.

Yes, she's fabulous. So, look forward to that. It's Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio. It's the Frank Skinner podcast, don't you know? Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via frankofftheradioatavalonuk.com.