The Frank Skinner Show - The Paddington Experience

Episode Date: November 24, 2025

Pierre is still away so Frank and Emily are joined by Steve Hall. Emily has had a mortifying experience in a petrol station and Frank has taken part in a documentary you wouldn't expect. Email us on [e-mail] or Whatsapp us on 07457 417 769 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It's Frank off the radio, featuring him and that posh radio, and the one with the French name, who from South Africa came, they're all here open brackets, array, close brackets, today. One-eat centuries get signed, man. This is Frank off the radio. I'm joined by Emily Dean, and Steve Hall. Stephen, as he used to be known, apparently. Follow the Follow the podcast

And no bots Follow the podcasts on X and Instagram You can email the podcast via Frank Off the radio at Avalonukk.com And for WhatsApp If you want to talk about sonnets or haiku It's a free verse or bullets If you've ever been given

Someone else is a World Trophy Then you should message 0745 Cigarette lighters in the audience. I know you still love me. Who says that? It's got that O.C. feel to it. Yes, it is very O.C.

He doesn't know. What is O.C? He doesn't know the O.C. What do you mean, Christian O'Connor used to be absolute? He called himself the OEC an homage to the OEC. So Orange County is the OEC. And it was a very overwrought post-dorough. Dawson's Creek drama in the 2000s?

Do you know Dawson's Creek? I know of it. Yeah, similar vibe. Yeah. But it was full of that kind of music. And didn't Katie Price come from Orange County? Did I tell her I got a thing of say every time I saw her, I'd say, if you've been away?

And she'd say, no, no, it's like a fact. I did it. She fell for it back three times. God bless her. Oh, I see what I did, I tell you what I did recently. Go on them. Catman. Oh, Catman.

Is that David Badeal? David Badele's cat documentary series. Is it out? No. Did you see a preview? Are you on it? I was interviewed. Having an allergic reaction.

Well, he said to me. Frank Skinner with his eyes puffed off and streaming. He said to me. Looking like the bride of Wildenstein. My management was also his management said, Frank will do it but he can't be with any cats because he's got a cat allergy

and he said I'll give him an antihistamine like I do when he comes around my house to watch football so when I got there God he's harsh isn't it He said it'd be There's nothing he won't do

For that Catman documentary He said it'd be quite good What would Catman do? He said I thought it'd be quite good If we saw the symptoms on camera Oh my God I said, no.

David? No, we're not going to do that. So I got health and safety now, Matt. So he sent his daughter Dolly off to get me some antihistamine. A great to love, Frank. The terrible thing is there was only one cat there, and it was called Roger. So, of course, I had to do the Roger the Cat joke. Oh, no.

Have you learnt nothing from the goat? No, it's obligatory, though. And also, if I don't say it out loud, it eats away at me. Yes, we have, some of us have a thing called self-control. Yes. Because you've seen, you've seen candid, intimate snapshots of David's life with his cats. Didn't he eat a meal that his cat had been eating beforehand? It wasn't. I was there.

His cat was, he had some past and the cat was eating off the top of it. And he just picked it up an hetty like that was fine. Yeah. With cats bit on it. I wouldn't eat after my dog, I have to say. Really? As much as I. Would you eat after your dog? Oh, yeah.

Oh, disgusting. I know, but you have a different relationship with animals, I think, to me. So, Stephen certainly does. Listen to the last podcast, and you'll get that reference. You may not like it, but you'll get it. So the premise of the programme, it feels very nice experience. I wonder what the premise is cat man. The cat kept his...

No, no, but the main premise is that there are a lot of dog programs on telly. Yes. But no cat programs. All right, David. All these people making dog content. I'm sick of it. Yeah, so like there's Tom and Jerry, but you know, they share the billing. It's like when Margaret Atwood and Bedeen Everisto shared the booker.

It's very unsatisfactory. Yeah, cats often are they also ran. Yeah. So we had a, I'm, you know, I'm a dog person, so we debated the various. Did he come up? He comes up with good arguments, David. Well, David, I mean, one thing I'd say, you know how people, you see people doing documentaries. Like they'll do a document.

Like I was asked to do a documentary. Is it called klezma music or klemsa? Yeah, klezma, yeah, yeah. Clasma is this, they said, we want you to host a, documentary about claims movie which is this very dewy and I said I think you've got the wrong one

but they said no we want you to do but I said I don't know anything about it I'm not really interested I don't want to do but a lot of people will just do a document you know that famous was it Willamina conk is that what she's called

as in Diane Morgan's character yeah yeah yeah you're looking at me like I'm speaking in Chinese it was Willamina the truth is Philomena Oh, it's miles away, that Willamina. How could you have possibly worked it out? Okay, calm down, it's all right.

Let's carry on with your story. She does a Shakespeare one when she begins by saying, I have been reading the poetry and plays of William Shakespeare ever since I knew I was going to do this programme. And you get a lot of that. But at least Dave is a prop. He is a cat man. He is.

He is a cat man. It's genuine. Smell it on him. Yeah. So did it lure you over to the cats? Not in the slightest. Did it not? Well, who can, I'm allergic to them.

Yeah. And I think they're very cruel. Do you? Oh, God, they are cruel. Do you think they're cruel? Yeah. There's no doubt the cats are cruel. Did you get to say any of this on the job?

Oh, my friend. You can't say there's no doubt that cats are cruel. No, the one example, I don't want to preempt what goes out on cat now. But he's cat. I was in bed when we lived. No, spoilers. Do you think you'll have merch, Frank? When we lived together.

I wouldn't be surprised. When we lived together, I was in my room one night, and I had, E! Oh. And I thought, Dave, I don't want to know. And when I went out, his cat had got a frog, and it had got its paw on the frog on the floor. And the frog was going, e-e-oh.

I didn't even know they made that noise. It's like their terror sound. Oh, that's so upsetting, isn't it? Whereas dogs just kill things. They don't tease them and talk. torture them for ages. Oh, really? You see, my Ray does torture his squirrel. I mean, he's got, he does do it with the cuddly toys. Oh, yeah, cuddly toys. We all do it with cuddly toys. I don't. My cat's got a few frogs and it is, until you know what that noise is, it sounds like the exorcist is happening in your house. I didn't know cats had a thing for frogs. They're in discriminant. They'll torture anything.

They will kill again. Who knew that cats were like that? Does Catman take a very sinister twist? This is not a big secret, the cruelty of cats. You know that song, Cruel for Cats, don't you? No, what I've always considered cats to be... The Cat has gone its four upon a frog in my whole way. It's going to thoroughly kill it, then they'd torture it away. Yeah, you know, cruel cats.

But isn't the point of David's documentary to challenge perceptions like Well, yeah, obviously he argued against it. But he couldn't really deny what factually happened in the house. Did you raise the frog incident? I raised the frog incident. I don't come. Trouble is I'm sort of undercut on the frog incident because I flushed the frog down the toilet

thinking I'd saved it. What do you mean? Well, they're amphibians. But they're not designed for the toilet. I thought it'll swim down to the nearest estuary. And there's plenty of food for it down there. Yeah. What do they eat?

Flies. There'll be plenty of flies. There's full as shit. I've never heard. God, it's like sending it to Sainsbury. Don't you love their amphibian? I mean, I can swim. Don't flush me down the toilet.

It seemed like a very obvious thing to do. I think this is a good... Has anyone ever dramatised the time the two of you shared a flat? Because again, it's got a sort of Netflix serial. Like it starts out light and then it slowly gets... It's more and more alarming. I see what we did. We, Dave did a show for Sky about an incident that we'd had.

So I had to play myself in about 1993. Was that the Magnus Park? No. It was. Record breaker. Yeah, record breakers thing. So I lived, I lived about a mile and a half away from the studio. So I said, don't say in the car.

I'll walk. But I had to wear some 90s type clothes and put my hair like it was. back in the 90s. I haven't been so fucking recognised for years. Oh, Frank, how are you doing? If ever I want to get, I'd just put an England shirt on and look fat. Many have tried, I have to say.

It's contract renewal man. I need to talk to you both about something, by the way, because I had a bit of a mortifying incident this week. It happened in a petrol station. I know you've had. had an incident in a petrol station. It wasn't a big one, but you had something a bit embarrassing with the mic, didn't you?

No, I was on mobile phone and there was a public address system. And I was trying to talk to somewhere. I can't hear. Some bloke's on the PI here. I didn't even know there was a PI in a garage. But I can't hear my... And he came out and said, so what's your phone off? You'll kill us all.

Which is so mortified. I think you're going to look back on that moment as a misty water-coloured memory when you hear what happened to me because I went to Barry Island I should say by the way that the idea was a spark you know when sparks come off your mobile phone

never happen never in the history of mobile off It's like when they tell you to turn the phone off in the plane isn't it I believe that's the idea is that if they allow one person to do it it could get complicated your phone because it will scramble the control I understand it more in place I had never heard of that being a thing

I had a bit of a debate with my tour manager about that. Because he said it's all rubbish, so he didn't turn his off. And I said, well, you might as well turn it off, though. Yeah. He said, no, it's this on. Was this on the play? Yeah. You know, we're 35,000 feet in the air.

I said, I think you should turn it off. He said, no, it doesn't do anything. I said, yeah, but you're not gaining. There's no reception up here. You might as well turn it. Obviously, I was thinking, what if he's wrong? And it got a bit tense between. That doesn't sound like you.

Frank, let me tell you about the petrol station. Go on. So I'm driving back from, I've been to Barry Island in Wales. I thought of Kath because I know she's a Gavin and Stacey fan. And there's, oh, she, Kath loves Gavin and Stacey. And there's all, they've gone to town in Barry on Gavin and Stacey. Oh, I haven't been since Gavin and Stacey. They've got at the cafe where they all go, there's, they've got that sort of fairground art of all the actors.

On the side, yeah. But anyway, it's a beautiful beach there. There used to be a... You know those laughing puppets that you get? There is one there. There's a... It's terrifying. It used to be, oh, ha!

There is one. Oh, I thought that was a... I thought it was a man. I walked past. The best teeth in Barry. Yeah, there was a... It's like a Zoltan. It was a laughing man.

It's terrifying. It's still there. They haven't lost that. Oh, good. Anyway, I was actually meeting Charlotte Church, who is fabulous, a daughter. Driving back, so long. drive, stop for petrol. I couldn't find one at the gig. What?

A laughing man. I had to go on to the front to get one who was in a glass case. Meet in Charlotte Church. She's terrific. I did a gig with her once. She's worked with Robin Ince a few times. She's fantastic. I was going to say, were you singing?

That would be a strange support to Charlotte Church. I interviewed Charlotte Church when she was 13. Did you? Did you like her, Frank? What was we called? What was she called? A Voice of an Angel. Voice of an Angel. P.A. Yezu.

I think I interviewed her three times in her teens. Yeah, she was great. She's lovely. Very nice. I really liked her. Anyway, we had a great time with her. Driving back, I was with my producer, Will. Ronnie Corbett, as Ronnie Corbett would say,

yours is my producer. Simon, in the life. My producer, Will. So we stopped to get petrol. And as I get out the car and I put the pump in, I hear a voice saying, Pump number two, pump number two, please close your car door immediately. I repeat, please close the car door immediately.

It sounded quite aggressive. Everyone's turning around panicking. I'm thinking, oh God. To my horror. Did you have a small log fire on the passenger seat? Because they don't like that. To my horror, I see that my door is slightly agile. So I think...

Why is that bad? I don't know the rules. I don't make them up, Frank. Do they think you're going to do a quick getaway and something? Maybe. I don't know. So I suddenly panicked and I shut it. And then I realised I looked up and I saw I was actually pumped number three. So it must have been someone else.

You know, because you often do it when you get out of the car, you don't shut it properly. So I looked at pump number two, a nice elderly couple. I thought, well, it was their bad, not mine. I'm not going down for them. went in to pay and I just thought I'd allude to it because I felt quite honestly relieved I'd got away with it

I shouldn't have said anything but I couldn't help myself I said I'd like to pay I said it's pump three I said I've got to be honest when I heard you say please close the car door I said because I know they got in trouble

at pump number two I don't know why I was kind of gloating I just thought it's fun yeah yeah old cop on those senile losers I don't know why I said it

but I think I was just relieved to get away with it. I shouldn't have mentioned it, but I did. Sounds right. They've had a good in news. It was awful. And so she said, hang on, which is your car? I said, oh, it's the black one.

She said, that was you I was saying that too. I got the number wrong. I said, oh, right, but you did say pump number two. She said, no, I read the number on. She said, pump number two have done nothing wrong. Nothing wrong. But she herself had done something wrong. But also, how does she know they've done nothing wrong?

could be serial killers on the run. We don't know they've done nothing wrong. It was the way she defended. She said, pump number two have done nothing wrong. So it was a bit of a weird exchange. I realised it was my fault. I shouldn't have mentioned it. I still don't know why you can't have your door open.

Nor did I. But I was so embarrassed that it was getting a bit ugly this conversation. So I said, okay, well, I'll pay. I said, oh, well, I'm, you know, pump number two of the class, watts. I'm in trouble, okay, you know, like jokingly. She was a bit funny about it. a bit weird. So I said, okay, bought some sweets left. Get into the car.

My producer, Will, has gone absolutely, he's read with embarrassment. I said, what's going on? He said, Emily, she left her mic on. Your entire conversation was broadcast around the petrol forecast. Well, the old couple still there? Yes, the old couple. Pump number two were there. They had have been straining to hear it now.

Well, I'm hoping so, I mean, I've never been so embarrassed. I just, it just felt so violating. And had you, had you demeaned them? No, all I said was... You said, oh, Fred and Rose West on Pump 2. No, I hadn't said that. But I had sort of throwing them under the bus, hadn't I? I gloated.

It wasn't as bad as it could have been. They must... No, but to be fair, they will have loved it because you tried to drag them down and you lost. So they're probably telling that story now with glee. They gave us a bit of a look when I left. I did. But you know,

just felt violated. What if I didn't want my producer to know that I was buying contraceptives for example or whiskey or something? Or both. For him? We're going to tell him about don't tell him about the contraceptives

until he's had the whiskey. He's a lovely man. I hired a car once and I know when you first get in a hire car it's a complication. And I have just getting used to it and I had to reverse it off this thing and I was struggling a bit

getting it in reverse and working out with a mirror and I heard and I thought there was an old couple sitting in this car and I said come compass they just sat there

so I turn around again to try to reverse and I was fuck off fuck off I'm trying to fuck it And they were just looking at me in, like, in, like, shock. And anyway, they did it a third time.

I thought, if these weren't old people, I'd get out the car and knock their grey heads together. Oh, my God. So I said, fucking a pass. Fucking a pass. So anyway, they went past. And then I went to reverse. And the horn went again. And I realized it was my elbow.

It was my horn that was sounding. Oh, God. I wasn't as bad as that. But I did feel a bit, I suppose, uncomfortable with myself after I left that petrol station. It's not the worst incident I've heard going out on someone who didn't know the microphone. But this is true. As hot mics go, it could have been worse.

But I think what's difficult when there's... It's not fought me till I fart from the old days of the BBC. Really. But you know what? Leaming? No, no, no, no. You can't mention people. We can't name names.

But what I did fear about the incident was that it made me realize maybe the fact that I was being recorded. It was the idea of the idea of that being broadcast. But maybe when I don't know I'm being recorded, I'm not very nice person. Were you rewinding it? Was there any? The entire two hours, 20 minutes after that, that's all I thought about what I said, what people thought of me. You see, for me, as a Roman Catholic, this wouldn't be a problem

because I assume everything is going to be played back to me at some point. Maybe it's, yes, that's true, Frank. It's like CCTV, it's nothing new to us. You're permanently on the petrol football. Exactly. I had to do an interview on Radio 2 once with some of my colleagues, and we didn't know, we were in a studio in London. I love my colleagues.

We didn't know that one of the other guests on the show who is in Cardiff. Neuroscientist who's called Dean Burnett, lovely man. He'd heard everything we'd said off air while we were getting ready for the interview. Had you said anything about? I said to him, friendly enough, I said, did we say anything about? He said, honestly, you just talked about how bad your diarrhea had been last week. Oh, God. But that, compared to what, but compared to anything else.

It's the most Steve or overheard conversation I've ever... But I would take that. When you don't know what they've heard, I would take that over any number of other possibilities. Yeah, I suppose so. I imagine you would. So I had a bit of a doubt. out at the weekend. I went to the Paddington Bear Experience.

Oh, I might go to that, Frank, because I love Paddy. Where is it? It's on them. No, I used to have a diary and I called it Dear Paddy. I wrote to him. I still got it. Yeah, go on. Changes Max and Paddy's wrote to know. And where is it, Frank Paddy's experience? Well, it's on the South Bank. Oh, I'm going to go. Well, I should say before you go, it was a mistake, really. No, because it's sort of aimed at small children. Really small.

I mean small, like, you know, six or seven. So was it not right for Buzz? So I took Boz's 13. God bless him, he tried to make the... We wore the ears. You're given three ears on the way in. Hang, he's into like Green Day. I know.

Yeah. And we both had Paddington ears. But we wore them. I said we have to keep them on all day. We wore them on the boss. Sainsbury's local. American candy. We still had the ears on.

So we did that. And so we got in and the woman gave us a wristband. And she said, you're on the purple train. Just remember that. There's a train. So I said to this bloke, I'm on the purple train. And he said, oh man, that's great. good? And I thought, right, if they think that's good, it's not going to be a comedy ride

this. So you get on a train. Frank judges people for appreciating his material. No, we get on the track. And there's lots of, the train doesn't move, but it's got video window, so it looks like it's moving. Oh, I quite like that. So, yeah, so we're sitting on the train, on purple train, purple train. And there's a guard who says welcome aboard to, there's a lot of actors. A lot of actors.

It just too reminds me of my parents' friends. I was doing bloody little last week. I'm on the train this week. So there was like a Mrs. Brad. I mean, they all, God bless them. They were all really giving it some. Because you know, with little kids, you've really got to give you.

And there was like Mrs. Brown we met, Mrs. Bird, the cleaning woman and a couple of explorers. And there was a terrible moment where we left when we left when there was another Mrs. Bird

and another explorer coming up the other way obviously from one of the other collard trains took a bit of explaining but no I always I do I kind of suffer I mean they were

really good they were really giving it and I could say if you've got small kids I would definitely take them because they loved you but me and Boz were sort of rye observers. And we did some of the... There's puzzles you have to do. We did that and stuff.

It's well done. It's not the sort of... No, well, Boz said like the house... He said the set. He's great. The way they've very... It's a lovely house, you know. Oh, have they done the Brown's house?

He did well, you know. I mean, he was a stowaway when he came in, you know. He's not in a hotel in Epping. He's in a lovely house in London. He went straight to one of the most expensive squares in London. Coming over here. Exactly. But they say Mrs. Bird says,

oh, no, you must come into the larder and help me find the marmalade or something like that. So we're going to this room, it's really dark. And quite, it was really felt like a hostage. And then she says, I'll just pop out for a moment and shuts the door. And I'm in there. There's me and Boz and like these parents and their kids. And I think this is a bit scary. Did you catch Mrs Byrd on the phone to her agent smoking a cigarette saying,

look, love, I've told you, I'm not doing this. It's bloody equity minimum. Have we heard back from Waterloo Road? What I thought is that... It's a confidence bit, but it's better than this. The Paddington Bear experience is next door to sea life. Oh. Which has been picketed recently.

Why cruelty to her? Well, they said it's... Actually, I have a quote from this, which I liked. It's from a Labour MP who said, it's on British to keep penguins trapped in a basement. What did he say about Fritzel? Nothing. When we had penguins, we just threw them in the coal shed.

No, we didn't. So I thought maybe this is, you know, the animal rights people. Then they started showing fabulous things on the wall. It's very well done. It was just too young. You'd get a mince pie on the way here. Oh, there should be marmalade on the road. Well, there's lots of talk about marmalade day.

But they don't give it to you. And I said to Bos will definitely get marmalade. And I think they had marmalade sandwiches of six quid or something. Yeah. I mean, don't quote me on that, but that's what I think is. So does Paddington himself, is he wandering around along with Mr. Well, no, there's one bit when you're on the train, you just see his hat the other side of a window and he's talking, which I, like, it was like, it was like, like a cell door peephole.

Is that, are they not allowed to show the image? No, I was starting to think they're not doing this without Paddington, are they calling it the Paddington Bears? But it sounds like they did. But when we got into the last room, there was an animatronic Paddington. Oh, I find that bit depressing.

It can be a bit scary. It's a small world. It's a world of left. They're just slightly off the pace. They're just a little bit slow to talk. But it was a lovely Paddington But the voice I said to Buzz

I can't work out why I'm frightened And he said it's because the voice Isn't emanating from Paddington It's like being on a garage four call Where Paddington's in the shop I'm telling you are Is it Five Nights at Freddy's That's a horror film featuring that kind of animat

Oh is it? And also he left Because the way we got split up We only had one little kid then in our party. When there was lots of them, they're all very confident. But he left some gaps animatronic Paddington. You're the people who found my suitcase? Oh, good.

Oh, no. Somebody had to say yes. Oh, no, Paddington's a bit neuro-spicing. Oh, no, I wanted to go back. Can't make eye contact. But worse. But the worst. But the worst of all thing.

and I didn't even know I'd done this but we left and boss was going oh God I'm so embarrassed what's happened he said when we met the other Paddington outside who was like a man in a suit Paddington he said I had my photo talked with him there was paparazzi there

Popattington yeah so I met a bloat there as a photographer who I've, you know, I've met at many premieres and stuff with both looked at each other in a bit of my contract, I wouldn't be renewed.

But he said, no, he said, but you did the photo and then you went, okay, see her, and you walked off, he said, and you left Paddington hanging with a high five. Oh, no. Oh, no, Paddington. I felt bad about that. So if you're listening, Pavington.

I once did, I used to work on these kids schemes working with underprivileged children in Camberwell. And so we would take, we would be given a budge and we take them around London for the weekend. And we took them to the London dungeon, thinking that it would be this great... Just off the road from panic. And it's brilliant, but they would have lots of that kind of actor being trying to be sinister and... But sinister, but the right side of sinister for... So kids could enjoy it.

But because these kids were proper street tough, I remember one was dressed as sort of a kind of a Dracula-esque figure. And he went to this child, be quiet. And the kid replied, but, wait, don't you tell me to be quiet. I'll get my dad on you. And it was this. You were with the young Bruce Forsy. Do you tell me? Step to me.

Don't. Don't step to me. And it was terrifying. It was all kicking off. What was that impression? Step to me. That was a thing that kid, so that was one of the things the kid was saying with the kid was going, don't step to me. So was he kind of squaring up to the guy?

As in don't, if you take a step, like, don't step to me as in like, as if you're going to have a fight. You take one foot. Is that a saying, don't step to me. Well, I guess it is. Steve saying it is. I mean I heard a child say it. I don't know how popular it is.

Does it mean like step up to the plate? That's what Tom Cruise said once. Is it? Yeah, he said it to Jonathan Ross once. No, but that's a baseball too. No, but he wasn't, oh, what is it? Because Jonathan was having a sleepover in the Science Museum and Jonathan had told Tom Cruise, he's happy for me to tell this story, I think,

that there was a dad there and he said it was a bit weird because he had a sort of dressing gown and he was just lying there all spayed out. And Tom Cruise said, did you step up to him? I would have stepped up to the plate. I would have stepped up to that guy. So just step up to the plate mean challenge him then. Well, step up to the plate is when you go out to bat. Right. So take him on kind of thing.

So step to me in the sense of you put one foot forward, I'm going to interpret that as a threat. Right. And I will deliver you the thrashing you deserve. Yeah, I mean, it's not a thing I would have said to Paddington. Poor Paddington. I know. I find that I've got to be honest. I think I love the idea of Paddington.

No, but can I say emphasise? If you're a parent with little kids, I would go to the... of Paddington Bear experience. It's not right for you. I just got the age wrong. I think the thing I struggle with is just the actors, bless them. It's just the pathos sometimes for them. You know, I find that I struggle with.

There's lots of jobbing stand-ups. When they were first on the circuit, there'd be a lot of them doing Madam Two songs. Don't they work at London Dungeon and things when they start out? Yeah, well, like those frog tours. I've known people doing that. I don't know. My rise was so meteoric.

Right, David Batell. I missed the opportunity. opportunity to do that. Like David Badell, he never, didn't he? He'd never worked. He worked two days in a second-hand bookshop in between Cambridge Footlights and being a professional comedian. My struggle by David Bidiel. Yeah. It's actually a leaflet. Well, you've got it out the way earlier because some of the stuff you told me about the factory, having to chuck the glass down. Oh yeah, but that's not. I mean, I did do some leafleting, you know, which I had to dress. I dressed up as a sort of Arab in Stafford Town Centre. We didn't know. Can I just say we didn't know?

We didn't know. There was no makeup. It was just the outfit. What were you selling? What were you leaving? What was there? Hang on. What was the outfit, Frank?

Oh, it wasn't like Ali Barber. No, it was, you know, it was a proper like the shakes sort of a fake shake. Yeah, I was a fake shake. Yeah. Is the fake shake no longer with us? Oh, I don't know. Was there only one fake shape? I mean, he was discreet.

I imagine it was like skippy. I imagine there was five of them in a sack in the back of a land over. Yeah, don't you remember Mazir Mahmoud? I just remember him being called the fake show. There was Mazir Mahmoud who would say our reporter made our excuses and left. That was always Mazir Mahmoud's sign off.

Oh, okay. Yeah, I think he was fake. But he wasn't that fake if he was called Massey. He started to become too famous. It was a cultural... No. They're knockoff, were their fake fake shakes? Yeah, can I, snide fake shakes?

Can I just say, what happened with Mazir Mahmoud is he became too famous to continue in his role as fake shake? Because everyone knew, it was a sort of allergy thing. Everyone knew who he was. Well, I was in Africa when, in the desert when there was an actual sandstorm, which is quite scary. The sky goes deep, deep orange. And when the sand comes, what? surprise is it's difficulty in breathing. Really?

And because this is swirling sands and I saw this like Lawrence of Arabia, this tall Arab figure all in white robes and he'd pulled them across his face so that he could breathe through the material and not breathe in the sand. And I thought, God, well, this bloke could be used to would be able to give me some advice.

And when he pulled the thing away, it was Terry Neal, the Arsenal and Northern Ireland centre half. I should say this was on a comic relief trip. We didn't just accidentally meet in the desert. Oh, that's hilarious. But it looked fantastic because, you know, I had sent to halves and all that's good.

His daughter was at my school, actually. Is that right? Athletic brunch, that family. Can you imagine? It was just, of course, she was good at netball. He couldn't work me out because we played football together. And he couldn't work out that anyone could be as bad. matters.

You know how good footballers they can't work out well to it. Athletes don't get it, do they? No, it's like people, you know, think that Purple Train, Purple Train is a fantastic joke. Yeah, but Frank, come on. He was generous and he laughed at it. And then you judge people for liking your things.

I know. I'm a bad man. Mohammed Harley once said. Anyway, Steve, it's always a joy to have you on the show. You've survived. is another one. Well done, Steve.

And well done for getting that elephant out the room. The next episode of Frank Skinner's Radio Days is out on Wednesday. Do you know what that is? I do. You've reached 2011, I believe. We have reached 2011. Well done.

And in it, I have an idea for a fitness DVD. Oh, my God. Did they have DVDs in 2011? Maybe that should say VHS. of the radio, Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio, it's the Frankskinner podcast, don't you know. Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via Frank off the radio at Avalonuk.com.