The Frank Skinner Show - The Treasures

Episode Date: March 14, 2025

This week Frank had a day out with a friend that did not go to plan and he celebrated Poppy's birthday. There's also the team's favourite urban myths and a pigeon fatality. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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than what you've been listening to. Because while your playlist screams, I need a vacation. My algorithm suggests book before March 30th. Remember, Sunwing, save more, do more. Book with your local travel advisor or at sunwing.ca. It's Fred off the radio Featuring him and that posh, and the one with the French name, from South Africa came.

They're all here, open brackets, hooray! Close brackets today. Well, this is Frank off the radio. I'm joined by Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. Follow the podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via frankofftheradio at avalonuk.com. You can WhatsApp us on 07457 417 769. I feel I should repeat it. What's that noise? Spreading all the light all around. Will you stop that? You can WhatsApp us on 07457 417 769. There you have it. I like your top today Frank, just to describe it. It's a zip-up top. It is. But you look like you're quite a successful sort of tech bro on a Sunday.

Oh. It looks like moneyed leisure wear. Okay, well that's, I think that's a good thing. No, it's a great thing. Speaking of money, I walked into... Hello. Hello. I walked into Spirit Land, the home of Frank off the radio, where we recorded it. And I had to

step into the road because there was a cherry picker operating next door with a man. I don't know what he was doing, something on the roof. And my first thought, I think I've been watching Elon Musk on the telly this morning on the news. My first thought was that'd be great for a, if you were a billionaire peeping Tom, the cherry picker would be perfect, wouldn't it? Just park outside your victim's house. You can go right up to the sill. On the third floor. Exactly. Oh man. Imagine the horror of that looking at. We had a pigeon at the window this morning.

Kath got very upset about it. Oh dear. You know when they fly. You know they fly into the window. Oh right. Not just on the sill. Yeah, they have no concept of glass pigeons. Apparently they see the trees reflected in it from certain angles.

Oh, so he's trying to fly into a tree. Yeah. Hence sometimes the tremendous pace with which they hit the wind. Yeah, well it was a real thump. Kath was upset. My view was, well, why was it coming into our private home in the first place? I called someone in that house out of compassion. An Englishman's home was his cast.

For all I know, it could have been a message. Could still be lying there with a crucial message from one of my older relatives. It's come all the way from Birmingham, that pigeon, where glass is at a premium. It has to be said because of the window tax is still in operation there to try and get some money back for the Bankrupt Council. Why are pigeons ranked the only birds that had fanciers? I know. You don't really get, I don't get sparrow fanciers.

Well they're not the only birds that have fanciers. It was in my cherry picker. It's too expensive to be an eagle fancier. Yeah, also I held an eagle once. You know when you see people in a fabulous medieval pose with the eagle on their wrists? You know who I'm thinking of? He's in this room, he's with the company already. If I think of a medieval man with a falcon or an eagle, I think Novelli.

Okay. Well, I've held an eagle. Why? And they weigh a ton. I mean, this thing, my arm was really... And also their pointy beak is about three inches from your eye. And you do think this, this, he could, you know, you know, when you hear about these like policemen in America who just suddenly lose it and start firing into the mall, an eagle could just think, oh, I'm having that. Yeah.

And yeah, it was an unpleasant experience. It was so heavy. And you can't hold it in two arms. They don't like it. Do you think it's possible to form sort of emotional bonds with eagles? Like you, you know, because some people do with birds of prey, don't they? We should actually ask the producer because this is very much her, the half's area. But can you, what I'm saying is, could you enjoy an eagle's company?

Well, I enjoyed that. I watched Britain's Got Talent at the weekend and this bloke came on with the gauntlet and said I've got an eagle in here and he's bloody got Simon Cowell to blow a whistle and you could hear from the back of the theatre coming from this thing and they were looking everyone's looking around for these eagle slightly terrified and then they fly in his mate who's in an eagle suit and the mate did some like Robby's jokes like what do you call an eagle with no hair bald eagle that kind of thing. It was the same joke he did about four times.

But it was a fabulous surprise anyway so I thought that was better than actually holding one of the monsters. Hang on that escalated quickly. Well they're killers by nature. Cold-blooded. Well they will go after your dog. I think my dog's too big now. I'd still wear a vest on it if I were a spiky vest.

Yeah, I might do that just for a lark. Just to sort of have a little punk dog. I like it because I just like the old Compton Street aesthetic on Ray with the spiky vest. Why not? Is that what they do with dogs to keep eagles on them? Yeah, yeah. If you see those, they're like spiky that stops the birds of prey. Spiky collars as well. Yeah there must be hedgehogs must see those dogs go past and think and I've where's my nothing no royalties nothing just been a completely cultural appropriation of these very worst am I wearing a collar now it's actually my dog's birthday this week

oh how old Frank? Four. Lovely. I don't believe in dog years anymore. When I worked out the count, you know, she's always been seven dog years to one year. When you work it out, I don't think it quite, I don't think the maths is quite right. Poppy's not, I wouldn't say she's your average 28 year old. No, exactly. But she, I tell you what I did, what do you think of this? I know what Emily's gonna say. I'm just gonna ask Pierre first. I actually, without any prompting from my child and my partner, I was out in town, I can't remember what I was doing in town, but I went to Foyle's bookshop and bought a birthday card for my dog.

On what criteria, the basis of what criteria did you select the card? Did it smell of fuck shit? No, it had... Did it have blood on it or meat? It had Charlie Brown and Snoopy embracing... I'm actually crying. It was actually a thank you card. It had Charlie Brown and Snoopy embracing. I'm actually crying. It was actually a thank you card.

It said thank you and they were embracing and I wrote on the front of the card in lettering which fooled my family. They thought it was actually part of the printed card. So it said thank you dot dot dot. There they are hogging and I wrote underneath for being our dog. What has happened to me? For being our dog. I'm actually, you can see, I've actually got tears in my eyes. Well I've never bought a dog a birthday card. I don't know, I think it's old age and a sense

of being left alone at some point. No it's not Frank, it's because you've changed your relationship with dogs because when you, in your family you didn't have, it was more sort of you know strange lodger relationship you had with them. That they would come, they'd eat some food, they'd go out and see them all the way. Yeah and I like that yeah. Actually it's, my relationship with women has gone a very similar thing. Yeah well you might want to think about that. to be like larger, so now they're there all the time. I have to buy them a birthday card. The thing is with Kath, for her birthday, she doesn't get a sausage with four candles

in it, which is what Poppy got. Not a sausage with four candles in it. It's going to the two Ronnies. How did you balance the sausage? Did it not just roll over and create a fire hazard? No, because dogs' snack sausages tend to have a slight curvature which gives them... Inherent stability. You can get more purchase on them, yeah. Yeah, and also they were weighed down as the wax embraced the floor. There's a kind of despondency to your tone when you're talking about this, what I perceive to be a very joyous occasion. When I got up on the morning, on the telly Buzz had got this video which was Happy Birthday being barked.

So it goes, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, a list of the links to it. No, it's good. I don't know whether it's one dog who they've multi-tracked or whether they actually got a collection. Yeah, they acquired it. You've got to make an effort. I make an effort for Ray's. We watch Secret Life of Pets, which is his favourite, and then we make this special. Oh, he loves that film.

We put Poppy in the kennels once where they said, and can you bring some of her favorite DVDs so we can play them. Godfather part two. And I said to Kath, no we're not doing that. Osperatu's part. This bridge over the river Kwai. This far, no further, that's what I said. Big fan of Imaal Bergman, right?

Yes, yes, yes, yeah. You say that, but when I take Ray to the posh country dog hotel and they call up beforehand and they say, can I just check what music would Ray like for the journey down? I mean... And I, well you say, you might say, I mean, I respond very quickly, I say Lewis Capaldi or Chopin. Not Bach. He knows what he likes man. Okay well anyway I mean the way I see is it's like having a teddy bear there's no point having a teddy bear if you're not gonna speak to it occasionally and you know worry about it being a left alone in a cold room. Yeah. I used to

judge my partners if a woman can in a cold room. I used to judge my partners, if a woman can knock a nail through a teddy bear's face, I don't want her in my life. Yeah, and I know obviously... And it has basically come across those people all the time. Yeah, well I know on one level, you know, that it's just stuffing and stuff, but if you can do that, and then you could, I think ultimately with the right environment you could do it to a human being. Anyway, there you go.

Happy birthday Poppy. Yeah, exactly, happy birthday on that note. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. There's a bit in between the verses, there's a bit toppy. Can we go again? Arr, arr, arr. Sounded a bit poppy. Toppy.

Oh, okay. Anyway, I'm fessing up to that. I'm not proud of it. It's done now. The card's still up there. Stop feeling shame about compassion and love and empathy. Yeah, but then you buy like, we bought a cuddly seal for the dog, you know, like a sea lion,

as we used to call them. And the dog holds it and shakes it and shakes it, which is clearly- It's the wolf instinct. It's a killing instinct. It's how they kill rats. Yeah. They shake them. Well, I, someone would tell me they went to a dog fight in Birmingham and one dog did that. So when was this?

This is what was on the pigeon's leg. Someone called the police. Dog fight report. No, this was October, I think it was. And they'll be crying out for dogs to kill the rats in Birmingham soon because the refugees people are on strike. Anyway, they said he picked up the bigger dog, picked up the other dog and shook it like that. I think they're trying to sort of stun it. There were other details which I won't go into. Okay. But can I say we're anti dog fighting on Frank off

the radio in case anyone misinterpreted that episode? Officially. There will be no pro dogfighting adverts on this podcast. No, well. We'll have our word. Let's see what the monies like. Frank.

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I always think people think, I don't think I am his friend and then that's a bit awkward. But anyway, you know, in my radio days, I used to play a band regularly called the Lovely Eggs. I do remember. It's my favourite living band, I would say. And Holly from The Lovely Eggs came down to London. She sent me a fabulous Coronation Street compilation actually which I'd never seen before. People saying, where's the other one? She's gone down to London. London? And it's just people in various things going London? It's a work of absolute brilliance. So anyway, so I said what do you want to do? Because

she was doing Roundtable, what used to be Roscoe's Roundtable on Radio One, and it's now Hugh... Is it not Hugh Dennis? No. No. Hugh... I mean Welsh Hugh A. Hugh W. type. Oh yeah. Forgive me if you're listening. Yeah?

I'm old. It's not my station really. I don't know if you're allowed to have it on an old man's radio. Why do you know Hugh from The Stranglers? I think it is blocked. Okay. So, no it's not him. Cornwell. Oh yeah. So I said what do

you want to do? You got a day in London. I'll meet you off the train and she said, oh I'd love to go to the British Library. It's World Book Day. Let's go to the British Library. Now I don't know if you remember but I had a bit of a checkered history with the British Library because my nephew was a Samuel Peepes enthusiast when he was about seven. Went there and asked about Samuel Peepes and the guy said, oh you know about Samuel Peepes here? Right, when was he born? And really sort of made him feel a bit foolish, which to be fair, I did get an apology letter from the library about, nevertheless. So we got there and there was a massive poster for the Medieval Women exhibition.

Oh, something for you, Pierre. And I said... Are they single? Medieval women? Call me. Some of my earlier conquests... Bugle me. ...are literally medieval women. That's what our pitching was.

She did write. No, so I said, oh, really, I like, that's right up my street. She said it's up my street as well. I love, I love medieval history. I think she studied it. So it's a massive poster. Then we got closer. There was another big post.

We passed about four of these big posters. Now I always go in the shop first when I go to a museum or an art gallery. Oh, enter through the gift shop, throwing the whole thing on its head. Because in the gift shop, if you look at what's on the tea towels and the totes, that will tell you the things that you mustn't miss in that museum. There's nothing worse than getting in the shop and there's three details for something you hadn't even noticed and you think, oh, clearly I should have made an effort to see this. So I see as a sort of a little sort of info.

An answer sheet. Yeah, must see. So we went in there because Holly collects leather fringed bookmarks. I love the sound of this. Yeah, so we got one with, she got one with British Library on it. And then we went in and I met someone who I sort of knew from, who I'd met before from the British Library. I said, are we going to, we got very excited on the way in about the Medieval Women exhibition. He said, it ended on Sunday. This was Thursday. And I said, all the posters are up. He said, yeah, I know.

Oh, come on. And I, so- There was a way to fix this. Oh God, if only we had some sort of poster expert at the museum. I'm so glad you pointed this out to us. We'll look into it. They're what? I had a strong sense of well, as well, because they'd been so tardy with the posters. I just, don't you just think

that the exhibition was downstairs with the lights off, just sitting there? Yes. A sort of A4 printout. Catherine of Aragon was a lady from the past, and so she counts as one of ours. It looked brilliant. When we went in the gift shop, the first thing you saw was a big pile of medieval women catalogues. A big pile of medieval women? Strange collective. Yeah, that plague. It were a monster.

Anyway, so I said, well, what is there to do then? I said, is there a World Book Day? You said you could take down the post. Yeah, I've got a ladder. I said, is there any World Book Day things? And he said, we had some school kids in this morning, but that was this morning. Surely they're not for exhibition purposes either. No. So he said there's the treasures. Oh, that sounds very you. And the treasures I've been in before and it has things like original manuscripts from Dickens and stuff like that.

Is it called the treasures? I think it is called something like the treasures. Sounds a bit unprofessional. So we went in there, me and, by now I'm worrying because Holly has got like one day in London and medieval women, despite the posters, isn't going. There's no World Book Day events happening at the British Library. And then, so then we go into the treasures thing. First thing we look at, there's a case that says art and science and I

thought at last something for everybody so we went over to this case completely empty. Was it a philosophical statement? Yeah I don't think so. And then a woman says no no and I thought oh my god what's this and? And she said, don't lean, don't lean on that glass. And I just thought, why would I? I was leaning because I thought there must be something in here somewhere. Really like quite aggressive with me. And then there was- How embarrassing.

Don't lean on that glass, it's covering all the nothing. Yeah, exactly. And then we went, there was like a Beatles case. Which Beatles? You know, The Beatles. Right, okay. And there was like two things and then five things saying, currently not in exhibition. And I could see Holly was starting to droop.

And she eventually said to me, she pointed at another empty thing and said, that's just rubbish. And I said, I'm really sorry about this. It's, let's try the other building, which is called something like the center of knowledge. I thought that sounds great. It wasn't quite that place. And we went in and the man on the desk said, where are you going? And I said, well, we just sort of look in there. He said, that's the main building over there. And I said, well, what is this for? He said, that's the main building over there.

Oh my gosh, they think we're just stop oil or whatever. Treating you like Joseph Kay. Oh man. It's like you walked in on the British Library getting ready in the morning or something. Yeah. Just like you unfairly disturbed them in the middle of... Well I know it's a library. I know it's a library because Holly really wanted to see the reading room but you're

only allowed to look in through the door unless you've got like a ticket and stuff. Oh you could just lean on the door. I hear they're very laid back about it. Oh, no. Yeah, I thought of that pigeon this morning. I thought if that had happened to you at the British Library, you'd have been stunned and then told off. Now they've had something to put in the case. Yeah, exactly. Like dead pigeon, art and science.

Oh, but I just... You're in this dead pigeon. I just felt for her because she was so excited and also there was a thing that I did love that when we went to peek into the reading room there was a sign that said pencils only which really appealed to me. But yeah. I love the idea of them but I think they... it sounds like it's just falling slightly short on the customer service front. Well I understand. I looked it up

on the internet because I thought it can't always be this bad but there was people... I think someone used the word menacing about the staff. Yes. Really? And also said there was a lot of empty glass cases. But someone said, don't be too harsh, they've had quite a big cyber attack. Yes, I remember. Which means they can't put the posters down. No, because the computer used to do that. Exactly. All the, of course, all the robots are broken.

Incredible robots. I just felt bad for Holly. So a day in London was getting told off, looking at empty cases and having a hope built up and dashed. I feel like there's got to be a middle ground between whatever experience you had with a lot of empty cases and surliness and what inevitably happens when an institution misguidedly decides to be more appealing and they do it by ruining it in the other directions. They go from what you're describing to, hey everyone, the British

library is now on TikTok, do the library dance. This is as bad as before. It's when they get all cozy and chummy. I would rather have people dressed as Vikings welcoming me than people basically on the verge of smacking me across the face. Anyway, what gets your vote for the least welcoming national institution? I think we need to... The MOD maybe. You try and go in there. I hate it. I think we need to... The M.O.D. maybe. You try and go in there. Let's...

Old... old... Elon Musk just strolls into those institutions. No one stops him. Oh man. We should try and plan another nice day for Holly in London. There's the Edvard Munch exhibition, which I like the most. I don't know how often she comes down to...

London! You're going to London? They've got nothing in the cases There's nothing more depressing. You should see their idea of science and nature. All the robots are broken Have we heard from Outside world, outside world, oh, oh, the outside world. Oh, I love that shanty. Thanks. Yeah, we have.

You should see my hornpipe. No, you're all right, as I believe Ringo Starr once said when someone asked him for an autograph. He did, yeah. Regarding expressing your frustrations, this might be useful knowledge for you, Frank. This is from John. Says, on the most recent episode, I listened to Emily complain about the name ChatGPT

being a bit too much like ChatGBNews. That's the impression made. Here in officially bilingual Canada, much has been made of the fact that ChatGPT sounds the same as ChatJPT or Cat I have farted. Oh, so it's not. So ChatJPT or cat I have farted oh so chat je pété cat I have farted okay um if you pronounce it it gets even worse if you uh if you pronounce the t character name in that so cat and then like a color line yeah and then so the cats it's the cat's dialogue yes oh no you're saying it to a cat oh cat i farted okay no i'm like frank i see it as the cat's dialogue. Yes. Oh, you were saying it to a cat. Oh, cat, I farted.

OK. No, I'm like Frank. I see it as the cat making a statement. Like a little script instruction. I'm all for talking to pets, as we've established. But I don't usually use got to talk. So obviously, you say. You work clean with animals, don't you?

Yeah, exactly. They're very sensitive. They are. If you say obviously shat is cat. Yeah. Do you think if you pronounce the T shat then it gets worse because that's the French vulgar slang for ladybots. So it becomes an even more obscene sentence, chat dbt. Do you think chat dbt knew what they were doing? What does the gbt stand for? Pure? Generative something? We don't, thanks for that. Or at least...

Who needs Wikipedia? Look, you gave us the equivalent of what I want to call a British library answer. Yes, the case is empty. We knocked and the cupboard was bare. But regarding swearing, I don't know if you... you may already know this, Frank. You will be delighted or appalled to learn that French-Canadian swearing is just listing things on the communion table. Is it?

Yes. And the sweariness is amplified by the number of things you add to the list. So the most sweary thing you could say would be, hoste de Christe colisse tabernacle, host of Christ, chalice and tabernacle. Oh, see, I don't like it. No, well that's, chalice and tabernacle. Oh, see, I don't like it. No, well, that's, that really is sweet. Yeah. If you're the lowest level I know from talking to a French Canadian is just to say tabernacle

to yourself. Tabernacle, tabernacle. You might find a way to affix the Virgin to the list if you were extremely badly. That's too much. Well, yeah, this is it. So I went to a church in Montreal, speaking of the French Canadians, and it had the heart of a saint who was of Montreal. And he, they'd take, it had been stolen and held to ransom the heart. And when it was replaced, when they brought it back, the theory was that it had got bigger and that the thieves hadn't realized it should

be refrigerated and it had gone a bit off, so they'd had to use the pig's heart to bring back. And I remember think being quite, oh, this is awful. And I have read only this week, I read a very similar story about a completely different context. I think it was the head of Thomas Heart, or the heart of Thomas Hardy, that was eaten by a dog or something is the story, so they had to... Right to the birthday party. Yeah, exactly. What a special dog it was. Four candles.

Jammed into the heart of Thomas Hardie. Yeah. Oh, marvelous. Oh, Mark. What a treat that would be. It's literary dog. So yeah, it seems to be a classic. Theme.

What do they call it? Urban myth. The heart replaced by some animal heart due to. Frank, what's your favourite urban myth? My favourite urban myth I think is the head banging on the top of the car. Do you know that one? No, I just know the toothbrush one. Couple break down in countryside, man goes off to get help and then a girlfriend hears thomping on the top of the car wondering what it is. So she gets out the car and there's another man banging her boyfriend's severed head on the roof.

What? Have you ever heard that one? No. What? That must be a Birmingham one. It feels like you're missing some steps there. No, I think that was it. I think if I watched that film I'd go, they've cut something from the middle.

It's not a film, it's an urban myth. I think if I watched that film I'd go they've cut something from the middle My equivalent of that is all I'm afraid we scrubbed the toilet with the toothbrush while you're away Oh, yeah that one. My favorite is the dead dog in the suitcase. Oh Someone dog sitting Someone in London dog sitting for a friend and the dog, you know dies Well, they're friends on holiday and they think I'll get a replacement but I need to take the dog to the vet first for you know yeah and so they put it in a suitcase and they go on the tube and someone offers to carry it up the stairs for them and they go thank you because it's so heavy as big dog and they just steal the person just steals a suitcase. Okay, yeah, there's a they won't be happy when they open it the other version of that is Your mom dies on holiday and you wrap her in carpet and put her on the roof rack And when you come out the services someone stole in the car The myths seem to revolve heavily around the roofs of cars

Cars with this exotic, dangerous place. The magic carpet. The roof of a car, the very pinnacle of fear and strangeness. Do you remember when our Nora was dating someone who had a car? Yeah. And he was literally treated like a sultan in the old street. He bought... what looking back was a rusty old mini parked outside We all went out to look at it. They all came out to look at the car. Yeah. I love that

Can I just share this from Dr. Phil in Germany? Hmm who describes himself as long-term slash first time? Okay, get it. Apropos the recent description of the excremental showers experienced when driving a husky dog sled team. Oh yes. Which by the way, I can confirm to be true from personal exhilarating but noxious experience. Okay. Pierre suggested that a windshield would help. Good call Pierre, but actually you need a dashboard. Come with me back to 19th century London. We're in our fine clothes, heading to the Opera in our horse-drawn carriage, but we are running late and you ask the driver to dash. The result is a catastrophe with our fine clothes ruined by the excrement being kicked up from the street by the horses hooves. With the invention of the

internal combustion engine, the instruments for speed and fuel were simply inserted into the dashboard and you still have that dashboard in your car a hundred years later. Sadly not routinely fitted to dog sleds. No, well the dog sled I don't think there's never, have they ever motorized the sled? Well his point I think. Remove the dogs? Some sort of iron carriage rank? I know it sounds farfetched. Obviously I need a roof on it. Where is the killer going to bang my boyfriends head? Now what we were talking about is that the dogs when they when they poo they don't stop running they just poo and it flies back and it goes on the reins and it goes everywhere. That was quite a revelation to me I had no

idea it was so shitty. When I first heard it it was it was shocking yeah. Just I'll tell you what worried me about it is I remember when I first heard it, it was shocking. Yeah. I'll tell you what worried me about it. Do you remember when I stayed in a hotel and they said when I got to reception, this guy said to me, oh, your dog pooed in the corridor. I said, no, she didn't. He said, yeah.

He said, I took a photo of it and sent it to my girlfriend, Frank Skinner's dog's poo. I said, it got a photo of it and sent it to my girlfriend, Frank Skinner's dogs poo, as they got a caption on it. I said, she didn't poo, I was with her. They have to stop when they poo. Then months later, I learned about the dog sled and thought maybe she did just walk through it. Yeah.

Maybe just a slight turn of the bottle can it take gone? Just like the great escape and they're sort of just like you know when women walk past a garment Hanging on her on a rail and just have a tiny touch of the fabric Well, there is a name that Frank in the fashion industry I think in retail they'll refer to people as, oh they're just a sleeve puller. Oh, okay. That means they have no intention of buying. Well, my dog maybe just did that, just that little...

A sleeve puller. A sleeve puller. I don't know if she actually pulled her anal sleeve. I think it might have been a more, a smoother exit than that. Is Poppy, can I ask quickly, is Poppy quite selective about where she goes? Because Raelle can spend 25 minutes browsing. No. Oh, okay.

She doesn't go in the house, but she'll go anywhere else. After that, once she's out the door, all bets are off. Still, at least you got to talk to that incredibly normal man. Which man? And texting pictures of shit to his friends with captions on. Not even my shit. If it had been my shit, that wouldn't make sense. He's a celebrity shit, but a celebrity's dog shit.

Rackets, allegedly. Yeah. Just think, oh, I've got to block this number. Yeah, I think I've got to block this number. Yeah, exactly the woman at the The woman at breakfast and said, oh my god, it's great having you in the look at look maize. It's Alan Carr So because we do look very similar me and Alan Carr separated at birth with an axe But Alan Karmin separated at birth with an axe. But yeah, if you saw him on top of a car banging my head, you wouldn't know which was the neck and which was the wrist. But it sounds similar.

But anyway, I tried to pretend it was his dog. Yeah. But anyway, I tried to pretend it was his dog, to sort of round off the whole thing, but they weren't. The photo with caption had already gone out. This man's a sinister newsletter. Ah, the girlfriend. How we'd try so hard to impress those we love. It's the Frank Skinner Podcast. The new winter change is blowing.

It's the Frank Skinner Podcast. I'm not totally sure how it's going. Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via frankofftheradioatavalonuk.com.