The Frank Skinner Show - The Worst Break Up Line

Episode Date: January 23, 2026

This time Frank and Emily are joined by Sara Barron! Frank has felt very sophisticated this week and Sara has a new member of the family. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Adobe Acrobat Studio, your new foundation. Use PDF spaces to generate a presentation. Grab your docs, your permits, your moves. AI levels of your pitch gets it in a groove. Choose a template with your timeless cool. Next those two. Drive design, deliver, make it sing. AI builds the deck so you can build that thing.

Learn more at Adobe.com slash do that with Acrobat. It's Frank. Frank's going to podcast, don't you know? The moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie. That's a more. Lovely. This is Frank Off the Radio. I'm joined by Emily Dean and Sarah Barron is with us today.

You can follow the podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via Frank Off the Radio atavlonuK.com. On the WhatsApp front. Oh, 745747417-769. Welcome, Sarah. Thank you, Frank. How you doing? I'm doing all right.

I went to see, you'll like this, I think, Sarah's a comedian. I went to see Rob Orton the other night, live. How was it? Did you enjoy it? Oh, yeah, he's always great. It's a show called Cannes. Have you seen it? No, I haven't.

He sort of plays a character called Cannes, but it's still Rob Orton. Anyway, I don't know if you've ever seen him, Sarah, but he's very funny, but also he has made me cry as well on stage, which is a rare gift. And so he did this, and it was very moving and funny show, as his classic Orton. And as it ended, it was at Soho Theatre. And as I was leaving, I heard a woman say to her friend,

I love comedy with substance. Did she say it in front of you loud, though? I have never felt more ashamed in my life. I left there with my head hung down. You felt dirty. Oh, I felt. Tarnished. I might as well have had superficial tattooed across my forehead.

Imagine if she just said, don't you, Frank Skinner? Yeah. And I said, yeah. I do like comedy with substance. As you know, my fans won't allow me to introduce any, lest they should be alienated forever. There were substances mentioned in your comedy, certainly in the early days. Yeah.

It was so good, we were on the cusp of an ovation. The audience was? Yeah, which you don't often see in comedy clubs. I don't. No, I think I've seen it. Are you comfortable talking about how many you've had? I stood for you, Sir Frank. I've had them in theatres, but not in clubs.

I stood for you when, making it sound like I've done a sort of service. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but I stood for you at the Palladium. Yeah, but I think people do it more in theatres because you do it at the theatre for comedy. Well, we didn't quite get to the evasion because then Rob suddenly came back on and started going through his merchandise.

So it felt then we were applauding capitalism more than Rob. So that sort of killed it. I'd have given it a bit longer, let them get up and then come out. Can I ask a question about ovations? As the act, well, to both of you. Well, I don't know. The answer, continue.

But do you feel genuinely when it happens, even if you're sort of expecting it or it's happened before, do you get a real genuine sense of relation? Be honest, or is it kind of like, oh, they're just doing this because they feel they have to? I want to know what's going through the artist's mind at that point. The artist. I mean, I have walked out before, gone off, come back on and thought,

oh God, it's in a flat, I know they're leaving. And so you've got to be careful. I don't, I'll be honest, it's nice, but it's not like getting a laugh. Is it not? Are you kidding? I mean for laughs, not for people standing up. Really? One people standing up, I'll get the tube at about 5.30. Is that really how you feel?

Yeah. I don't, people applaud. Do you think? thanks but that's not why I'm here. When you had it, sir, what do you feel? First of all, I've never had a standing ovation. The closest I've come has been in a club and the set has gone really great

and a couple of people sort of stand up. And then I think what that is is it's about some intersection of the set going just, it was your night tonight, it just everything lined up for you combined with you said something that like touched a nerve

for them, but nothing in your performance let on that you knew you were touching a nerve. Okay. You see what I'm saying? Because if there's some part of you that's like, that's right, I'm dropping these truth bombs. Can you even handle how brave I'm being? Then I don't think people would do it because I'd be like, yeah. But there's something about if you're kind of throwing it away. Yes.

I can see that. But what I really doesn't make sense to me. Well, no, I'm going to take what you're saying at face value because I do. think you're being honest about it. When you've gotten a standing ovation, can any part of you see it? Are you able to go, oh, here's why it happened tonight? No, because one thing, on the last tour, for example, I realize that if you stay a bit longer with your bows, you can embarrass them to a standing ovation. So it starts to be, it's not about Mary anymore, it's about expertise. Well also, I mean, I'm known in my friendship group.

I start the ovation. Really, you're kidding me? I always do. And it's because of my family. I was brought up in the kind of family where my father would say, people have sung for their supper. You have to applaud.

And he would stand up and embarrass me and go, Bravo! And I'd get, oh my God, this is so embarrassing. But now I do it. I, that also helps me open my mind at the ripe old age of 46 because I've always been very judgmental about the kind of person who started.

I've said, I've been like, who are these fucking people who start standing ovations because where I thought it was coming from what you're saying Sarah it's coming from a place of like I was raised to show appreciation I always thought it was someone

who's like look at me I really understood this well there is a bit of that no there is a bit of that you're being like but it's also arts and crafts upbringing that's why people give the orchestra more applause than the singers in opera

because they're saying, yeah, I know people, they're off, they're in the shop window, but I know it really. Yeah, it's a show off move. Yeah, there's a lot of that stuff going on, I'm sure. But, you know, people. Oh, I got to see Rob Barton's show now. It was that good, huh? I saw Blackfoot Sue. Yes, it was brilliant.

I saw Blackfoot Sue, which is a band who were big for about 10 minutes. Who is she? I haven't seen her for a while. It's a band. She's still living in Birmingham. And I saw them at the town hall. And, you know, when you run to the front of the state, to literally be at the front of the stage.

I did that and no one came. No one else came with me. How embarrassing. And I was at the front of the stage. I was just becoming aware that I had a bit more elbow room than I anticipated. Oh my God. And I stayed for like a couple of songs and then there was a bit where. On your own?

I thought, yeah. Oh my gosh. A humiliating thing. So it justified me going back. But they didn't really. So I just turned around like I was a bit tired. How recent was this? Oh, this was like 1971.

Oh, okay. I wasn't sure if this was in your like public figure phase of your life, in which case can you imagine? No. I like how recent was this? How come you're not more humbled currently? Yeah, like, or no, I was thinking like, was someone, was anyone sat there going, hey, Frank Skinner just ran to the front of that?

No, that's Frank Skinner on his own. They were like, look at that person, just a regular person. Great. Yeah, exactly. But it's still embarrassing. I have to say that. Well, what's, it's nice to have you on, Sarah. What is new in your life?

There's a lot that's new in my life, so thank you for asking. Most significantly, I think, is the fact that my family has received a puppy. And not like a 14-week puppy, like it was like nine weeks when we got it. I love received. Received a puppy. Is it legal to have to know what, nine weeks? It must be legal, right? My husband investigates this stuff.

Emily knows. Is it illegal? On with the story. I think nine is some... It's borderline. Yeah. Nine is borderline? I think it...

Are you kidding? They're partly in liquid form at nine weeks. I mean, 16 is what I advise. Are you kidding? Anyway, I'm slightly winding you up, sir. I'm winding you off. You're not, but it is... Yeah.

Anyway, why did you want, but not in an untrue kind of a way? Oh, my God. But don't worry about it. Well, I mean, mine and Franks were a bit older. How old? Oh, mine was around. I think, I know if it was... I think it was about 14 weeks.

Yeah. People talk about 14 weeks. Me too. She will be 14 weeks and no week. And I... Yeah, well, I just keep it out the way. Keep it quiet? Yeah, if you see the police, put it in your hand.

Do you think the guy who gave us to her as shady? How could I possibly comment on that? Did he meet you on the motorway? I just... What's disturbing to me about this is not that I've potentially done something illegal, which I'm not thrilled by, but like I can... I don't mind that aspect. It's not a big thing illegal, is it?

No, but you definitely... have done something. What is the reason? What is the reason for holding them back? I'm not sure. I think it's to do with, because it's seen as, I don't know what comfortable saying this,

animal cruelty, basically. To give them, because we could be abusive and they could be too tiny. Well, yeah. Too tiny to fight you off. That can't be here. No, it's because it's taking them away

from their mother at two younger stage, because you are essentially stealing them from the mother. I mean, this is the first thing I want to say is what are any of us doing with these dogs? that we've taken from their mothers. I was like, I almost had to take a sedative to be able to go and get this dog

and be like, well, that's its mom and its family. Who it will now never be seeing ever again? So that's messed up. I just think we're not, none of us, man's best friend, what are any of us do, respectfully, respectfully, what are any of us doing with dogs? Well, when I picked up our dog, the owner, the sort of runner of the, what do you call them, poppy factories?

Oh, trunk! Can we just say, in fact, we've got to make that clear. This was not a puppy factory you went to. They were lovely people. And they said, that's the last one to go, your one. He said, she'll be glad about that. He said her nipples are in a terrible state. Oh, that's disgusting.

How dare you say nipples in front of my child. This was supposed to be a special day for him, and now you've nippled it. You've said nipples in front of my son, you perfect. I also, I can't stop thinking about dog breeders as well. Like we bought it from this, you know, reputable and very good breeders. They're always in Hampshire and they always have a black leather couch. Oh, okay, so this guy was, I won't say too much, but he was not in Hampshire, but I think he did have a black leather couch.

I've always got a black leather couch. And this guy, I'm looking. Because they're dog's way on the furniture. Possibly. Possibly. Possibly. I think it's more about taste. Can I say that?

Taste? Okay. I think if you like a black leather couch, like maybe you get into dog breeding. And this is my point is that think about going like, what should I do to diversify my portfolio? You know what I want to do? I'm going to get two different types of dogs and I'm going to put them in a room and have them fuck each other.

That's actually a very crazy impulse to have. You don't think about a dog breeder as being insane. I like the idea of doing that for about two years before you think, you don't like me money in this. Well, I was told that was very silly of me to get Ray done because, you know, his offspring could have been quite valuable. So now I'm thinking I could have been a dog breeder. I could see that for you, but like in your 70s.

Okay, I'll hang on with it. I'm not seeing that now. Like, you're still, you're not there yet. I still, yes, I know what you mean. And also, I don't want to get the black leather sofa or indeed the matching leather cushions with a leather rosette on them. No, thank you. I'm not feeling it.

I don't notice any of this at my time. No. But I, you know, I don't, I know a bit about the story of you, meeting your love. I know less but a bit about the story of you meeting your puppy love. I didn't want a dog. Did Kath Force you?

No, no. I really, really wanted a dog for ages. The only reason we got a dog is because two of Kat's friends bought two dogs that were sisters. And there was a third sister. And that changed Kat's mind the idea of having three sisters together. Even though she didn't want a dog at all.

That was it. She didn't. And then the siblings thing. And I said, what difference was the sister make? Yeah. And she said, oh, I just think it'd be nice because my sister lives on the road and then there'd be like three dogs. I said, no, but you don't want to dog. You said you really don't want a dog. Three sisters, how does that change

the thing? She said, well, I think we should put a deposit on the other one. I said, this is so sudden, I want to give you 24 hours to think about, she said, I'll fucking sell it by then. So I put a thousand pounds deposit on the dog. Would you talk about how much the dog was? No.

Okay. Would you want to see a grown man cry? Wow. I get regularly asked that. I won't talk about that now, we'll get to it. It's a long story, but I get regularly asked that. Because your dog looks so fancy. How much is that dog?

Yeah, your dog looks. I said, what is this? How much is that doggy in the window? How rude? How much is that dog? I want people come up and say, that's a lovely dog. You know, thanks. what's its name?

Oh, he hates that. Why do you want to know that? Can I defend that? Now that I'm like in dog world and this puppy that I have is so, like, you know, she looks like, you know, a toy. She's so cute. So I'm getting levels of attention I've never

experienced and certainly didn't experience when I had a newborn. This is like a very different thing. And everyone wants to talk. Everyone wants to engage. And they will say, what's his name or what's her name? And then I'll go, oh, and what's, because it's usually someone else with a dog. And so then I will say, what it feels like some form of politeness

to be like oh and what's the dog I would never just drive up to you and be like hey nice dog what's his name but if your dog got to sniff in my dog and then we were involved in something I would never ask anyone's dog's name no you wouldn't so someone is planning on enticing it

is so suspicious Frank because people you know people generally are quite bad oh my God do you think so? Oh yeah I mean I agree with you, but I don't say

it was such, where you think so, I can't believe it, I agree with you. I agree with you. I agree with you and people are so bad. However, I'm picturing you, is it public information where you take your dog on a walk? North London. I'm not ashamed of where I'm saying North London. I'm picturing

him in the lovely part of London where he lives in a lovely park with other lovely people and their lovely dogs. And I think you're like mostly meeting nice I'm not meeting. I have ear plugs in and very much give the I don't want to talk to anyone about dogs.

Thank you very much. Yes. Look. Is there a way that you have a signaling to people what you would want to talk about? I don't really want to talk to. He doesn't want to talk to anyone. You know, strange at danger. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He likes to be a lone wolf on those walks. I don't, you know, what am I going to talk to people about on the dog? Oh, God, Frank, you could just say hi, nice to meet you. I totally, I'm with you. You can't say that. I mean, for a start of, 50% of the people layer out the question. Why? I can't talk to a woman on Hampstead Heath.

You can't talk to a woman? Without my career being dangling by a threat. I think if she was sufficiently elderly, you could. No, even then, you know, there are men who like that kind of thing. Oh, my God. Apparently, she get a better breakfast. I've been tough. Oh, my God.

You think you can't talk to a woman? You're also allowed to smoke. So much nicer. You're allowed to have a post-coital cigarette. Can I ask you what your dog is called? And I'm sorry, Frank. I apologize in advance. Sorry, Frank.

Why? What is your dog called? Your name is Wednesday. Oh, I love that. Do you? Yeah, like Wednesday, Adam? Adams. Yeah, my son is, she's sort of supposed to be my son's dog, and he's going through like a goth period.

And he loved that Wednesday. He loves like Wednesday, Adam. I like that. Goth girls and the whole thing. And I would. You should go on my space. It's full of them. Is that?

Is that real? It's a real thing, but I don't know if it still exists. I don't know if it does anymore. I think it's coming back. But it used to be just goth girls. Yes. Really? And me.

Oh, God. Let's not go into that. Are we in like 2005 right now? Is that where we are? Yeah. I remember meeting the first time I met Michael McIntyre, he said, give me your number and I gave him my MySpace thing, and he contacted me through MySpace.

That's so funny. Why didn't you give him your number? I thought it was too cool. Stranger danger, that's what I'm saying. Oh my God. Yeah. I, the thing I'm finding the most uncomfortable about it. So, like, my husband is a real dog person and has been his whole life.

And my son is giving all signs of being, like, a real animal guy. And it's just, it makes me feel so far from myself. Like, even a friend of mine, I was talking to you last night, a friend of mine from New York. And they were, like, when you put photos up online of you and this dog, I'm like, I don't even know you. Who do you think you are? Being this, like, woman with the dog. I was like, I know. And so when I have to tell the dog, I love it, I feel, like, disgusted.

Why do you have to tell it that? Because it's like, we'll say, we're now this family of four. And so it'll be like, okay, bye, I love you. So, like, if I leave this morning and I'll say goodbye to myself, I'll be like, I love you, I hope you have a really nice day at school. I'll see you at this time, you know. Do you say that to the dog? If I'm saying goodbye to my husband and my son, I'll say like, I love you, I love you,

bye, guys. And then there's a dog there. They're like, and then I have to be like, I love you too, Wednesday. And my son and my husband are saying, I love you to the dog. They both like, I love you, I love you. And I'm like, I guess we're all going to tell the dog. We love it. And I'd be really upset if something happened to her.

But like, well, your dog will live longer if you do that. If what, if I tell her a lover? Dogs get dopamine hits if they're spoken to in a loving tone, particularly a women's tone. I like the idea if I love you Wednesday. You saying that on a Wednesday. I'd quite like to say that every day to the day. I love you Wednesday. Yeah, like Bibs.

You know, Bibs. It's Wednesday as we record. You know baby bibs when you get the days on? Yeah. I might start getting up in the morning and saying, I love you Tuesday. I love you Tuesday. Yeah. Just to get it on side, you know what I mean.

Beautiful, Frank. Yeah. That's very zan-so-I've always been very reticent with I love you. I'm not someone who can throw it around. Well, I think what I'm saying is I'm the same. That doesn't surprise me. And now I feel like I have to like throw it around to the dog. With Cass, my current wife, your current wife.

My, Katz said to me, I don't think she'll mind me saying this. She told me she loved me. I didn't say it back for a... Oh my God. It was probably six or seven weeks. You just left hanging. What were those weeks like? Did it come up?

Was she like, hey, remember? I said that I love you. What are we doing now? I said, look, I... How early do you? was it in your relationship, but we're allowed to know that? No, it was, you know, we'd probably been together. Maybe a year? Maybe less than a year, but not much less.

And you hung on. And I said, look, I don't feel like I can convinced honestly say that. Wow, sir. Mortar Faccardo. And I said, I can only say that when I really am 100, you know. Oh, that was nice for her to go home with that thought. Do you know what?

But I love the clarity. What a man tells you, when he tells you that, is I might be hurting you right now but guess what you're always going to get from me is the truth because it won't be I love you no there's some safety in that have I see obviously she did get I love you

she did eventually have I ever told you the most intense breakup line I've ever heard go on it won't be as big as he is oh wait was it I love comedy with substance Frank has one of my favourite breakup lines but we don't have to mention that Frank no no but

What is it? I've heard this. You're looking awkward and a bit hot and flush. I can't remember which one. We don't have to refer to it. No, I don't care. It's to do with being on a torch at home. Oh, no, that was a, yeah, that was a whole written script. Yes.

Anyway, carry on. Okay, I was, like, deeply in love with this guy. I'm, like, 20 years old, and he's my first real love. And we, it's long distance, and we decide, what are we doing? This is so complicated. Let's take a couple weeks, no talking, and then see how we both feel. And in those two weeks, I realize, look, I'm 20. This has happened for me

sooner than I thought but when you know you know and this this is real. So we have our phone date scheduled and I'm ready to declare my love and he says may I talk first?

Oh go. Philly? I go, Sean. You say already I'm anxious I would never say that to that even now. May I turn first? I get it on this one. That's pretty.

As per our earlier conversation about alphas, that's why you're not the alpha. No, I'm not the alpha. He says, may I talk first? I say, okay, he goes, I've been thinking a lot about things. Oh. Well, you might as well, you're might as well, put the phone down at that point. Did you just say thank you for your service? I was just quite, he went, I really love you.

Oh. But. But I know I could love someone else more. Oh. And let me tell you what that was. Can you not applaud, please? You just applauded that. No applause, laughs only.

I bet it's a great line. It's a great line. Perhaps I'm guessing a little over-rehearsed. Yes. It sounds like he's taking it from a film. But it was the best gift he could have given because then, of course, a year and a half later and he was like, hey, I'm rethinking.

I'm like, no, no, no, you were very clear that day. And guess what? How old am I? I'm 46. So he's now like 53, still single. Oh, imagine. Imagine the joy. 53. Still looking for the perfect lady.

Still looking for the perfect lady. Any day now, she's going to show up. He's 53, but any day now. Gorgeous. You win again. Oh, well, don't you. I can hold a bridge and see you could tell the truth. You had to sit on that riverbank a long time for watch that body float by.

But they always do. They always do. Isn't it a great feeling when the body floats by? I can think of two I had recently. And you just watched it float. Oh, God. And so did others. This episode is supported by TV licensing.

Your TV license means you can watch a whole range of live TV channels, including BBC, ITV and Channel 4. Plus, you can catch up on any shows you've missed on IPlayer. As we're being supported by TV licensing, I think we should talk about what TV we've been watching. Yes, I'll tell you what I've been watching. David Bedele's Catman. I know you're familiar with this, Frank. We should say it's a three-part documentary about cats because David thinks there are too many dog-based formats around, none taken.

And it's actually a really lovely show. He goes to visit, I've just seen the first episode, he goes to meet various high-profile cats and their owners, Jonathan Ross, Ricky Jervais, and the legendary Frank Skinner popped up. Yes, I don't have a cat, can I say. I was offended that he suggested. that he and I co-owned a cat, which I would never own a cat.

Well, what I loved is you started it in a very off-brown way, and I loved this show because Frank said, look, I don't love cats. Oh my God, this show's called Cat Man, Frank. When I arrived on set, I said to the entire crew, I bet you will be putting this one on your CVs, which was that started the day well. Then Frank said, my other favourite bit of the whole show,

and I know I'm biased, but was Frank saying, look, addressing the audience, I don't want you to think David's desperate doing this. Well, I don't want them to think that. But anyway, even though I'm a dog obsessive, I did really enjoy it. And I would really recommend it. I loved it. Just because David's a genuine obsession, that shines through, doesn't it? No, it's a genuine obsession.

I'm going to give you my honest opinion. I'd like it better if there was no cats in it. I've been watching gladiators, which I love. Yeah, you love that, don't you? I love with Bradley and Barney. I like the fact that Barney's on it. And this is Bradley's son, we should say. Yeah, so he gets some of the old, you know, oh yeah, well, we know how he got the job.

But it reminds me when I used to live in Smethy. And in order to get a job on the bins, you needed an uncle who worked on the bins. And because it's in showbiz, people think it's bad. It's good enough for the bins. I just love all these really big, muscular people who've given... What I like especially, they have shots of them in their green room sitting around and they have a big, like, staged losses of temper. Like, Viper came off, and he's so angry, he kicked a yoga ball.

I mean, it's great. Mark Clattenberg is the referee. It was a former Premier League referee. I'm familiar. with all the incompetence that that suggests. I'm going to start watching it, Frank, largely for the Disney Rages. I enjoy that. Mark, the way that he says Gladiator's ready,

when he says ready, he has to say it at the side of his mouth, like he's doing it a bit sneakily, like he's not supposed to be saying ready, but he's going to risk it. But no, it's endless fun for all the family. Anyway, your TV license covers you for over 400 TV channels and everything on BBCI player on any device. For more information, visit tvl.co.com.uk slash pod. You know, can I tell one more follow-up on this story?

You can say now. Oh, sure. I was at a restaurant. So he's British. This was like, I studied abroad here as a student. So I was like, he's an Englishman. I love that you're still quite obsessed with this. I was still obsessed with him.

And he, I was at a restaurant in Northeast London, and his family showed up 25 years after I'd last seen him. And I was like, wait, that's that little girl who's now like 27. And she was four when I said, yeah. And I was like, I'm so sorry to bother you, but are you, are you Mr. So-and-so? And you went, yes. And I went, you're not going to remember me, but I dated your son 25 years ago. And I was like, basically, the guy's niece, who at the time was four and now was

27. She was like, you dated Uncle Dan? And I was like, yeah. And I was like, are you telling me you think he was punching? And she's like, yeah, he was. I was like, thank you, Leah. The subtext was nobody dates Uncle Dan. It was like, to her, he's like, you know, a sort of strange old guy. Oh my God, fabulous. Still single. Still single. Poor Uncle Dan. Who, if he's listening, we are still friendly and I wish him all the very best. But not in love. I was in a restaurant. I was in a restaurant recently and I arrived. It was like a country pub restaurant and I arrived and the woman was oh god how lovely to have you. Mr Skinner. I'll tell you thank you very much and it's always Mr. Skinner nowadays says I've got grey. Yeah. And she's very lovely and I was very friendly and then

she said well I ordered the food and I said what's the fruit salad is that fresh and she She said, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I said, okay, I'll have the fruit salad for the dessert. So when you've had the, oh, Mr. Skinner, it's so lovely, you know, to have you here as a guest, conversation. The, I'm returning my fruit salad. Oh, you're breaking the social contract. It is difficult. Yeah.

It was very difficult. And I went, I thought, I won't wait until I come over. I'll take it up to the bar so there's less witnesses. and I carried it up like I used to when we used to have a piss bucket in our bedroom as kids the way I used to carry that to the toilet What did you say? What was your opening gamut?

I said, look I'm returning to this fruit salad And she said, okay Was it the same woman? Yeah, she said what, what? I tried it, it seemed fine. I said, well, you know when you order still water and you get fizzy. I said, that's what happened with a fruit salad.

It's fizzing. Yeah, yeah. Or is it fizzy fruit? Yeah, you know, whizzing. Oh, I know the fizzy fruit. And she said to me, this was like December the 2nd. She said, well, it was fine at Christmas. What?

And I thought, I'm not going to sit here now and talk about time with this woman. And it's the blows it deals to all living things. Hang on. You mean this was January the 2nd? January 2nd. Yeah, what's the December 2nd? Oh, sorry. I'm an old man.

No, but just for clarity, as this is, an episode of 24 hours in police custody, January the 2nd. So that's still a long time for fruit. That's basically a fruit salad a week after the... Yeah, it's too long. I think I'm going to say a week after it was on tinned. That's my theory. Do you think it was tinned? It's right.

Oh. Can I tell you the question I was going to ask and why it's maybe a bad question, as strange as that might sound? I was going to ask you how the rest of the meal was, but I think of you as sort of not a food person. No. No, he's not. He's not a food guy. So then maybe you're not even – in fact, he hates it when people are food people. You hate it?

Well, I don't know if I – No, you do. If he doesn't like – I tell you what he doesn't like – is when he says, what are your interests and people say, I like food. Well, that is annoying. line that. That is stupid. It's like people who know about coffee. Yeah, that's so disgusting. Fuck.

Figure out. Who wants to know? No one cares. No one cares if someone ever says they're a foodie. We're a little bit past that, but when it was a thing to be like I'm a foodie, I would be like... I have that a bit about wine as well. People that know about wine. Yeah. Here's what. Here's what. I love it. Even that.

Do they love it? Is it? I agree with that. But I do like when people know about wine if they don't talk about how they know that one. Yeah, so if they just order it elegantly. And it's like, oh, they know some stuff. That's very cool. Well, I... But don't bore me with your indignol. Don't bore you. Don't bore you. Don't bore you.

I had lunch at the Savoy. Hello. Oh, how's the 70s going? Pardon? How's the 70s going? Very well, thank you. I haven't heard any. Why did you go and get your hair cut at Vidalso soon afterwards?

So funny. No, I'll tell you where I went afterwards. And not many people have probably done this route. Oh. I walk straight from Lonnie. at the Savoy to Primark. You see, Sarah? Head down.

This is why we love him. Frank. This is him. This is you. This sums up. Rajad Kipling, walk with Kings, nor lose the common touch.

Yeah. Well, I was on a mission. I was on a mission. Primark have got a Stranger Things range at the moment. And do you like Stranger Things clothes? Well, I was getting them from my son who's got into Strangers. That's what I hope.

I was getting him a health. Hellfire Club, Fischer shirt. Hellfire Club, or as I call them, non-Catholics. Meanwhile, over at the Savoy. So at the Savoy, I did something, I ate something, which I hadn't had for years. And I remember the first time I had it, I thought to myself,

I am so fucking sophisticated. I never thought I'd reach this level of sophistication. I guess what it is. Go on, what is it? Steak, ta-ta. No, no. Shrimp cocktail? No.

Okay. Oysters. No. Oh. I'm going to tell you, it's bread dipped in olive oil and balsamic vinegar. Man. Wow. And you know what?

It still tastes fucking great. Nothing bad. Why I've wasted? Like, I'm probably eight or nine years of not eating. It's an absolute. Absolutely fantastic. And it wasn't, they didn't offer it. They brought bread.

And I thought, hold on. I think probably being in the Savoy reminded me of yesteryear. Do you think some of it as well as like because you don't drink? Like if I was set at the Savoy, I'd be like, oh, I'm going to get like a cocktail. And that's not a place your brain would go. And maybe you're like, I'm going to have the balsamic vinegar. The balsamic and the olive oil. Yeah.

You know what I like at the Savoy when they offer you. the various breads. It's not just a bread. Sometimes they have four different styles. Various breads. Well, I don't know the Savoy well enough to know their tropes. No, but if you're somewhere...

He only bought one bread. He bought marmite butter is what he bought. Yeah. Oh, that's good. Various breads. By then I was in oil. What did you have for mains? Am I allowed to ask?

What did I have for mains? I had a... It involved a Jerusalem. Artichoke. They're big at the moment, aren't they? Well, these weren't. What a tuber.

The meal, I thought, why dirty a plate? You could have put this on a dessert spoon for me. It was a tiny, it was lovely, but it was a tiny, tiny.

I had to fly across, I had to go sort of off road across quite a lot of China to get to where the food began. I mean, I could barely reach it from the edge of the plate. Good. What I needed was

one of those Tom Cruise suspension set up so I could be lowered down to the middle of the plate and reach the food. What was the occasion for going to the Savoy? It was the Christmas launch. Sure. We don't need to know. It didn't happen Christmas. What happens between adults is

so it's a late Christmas lunch. Okay. The Jerusalem Arta-Church? We had the same fruit salad. The Jerusalem artichoke is always slightly disappointed. I completely disagree. I didn't see a Jerusalem. It was like shavings of a Jerusalem artichoke. I think it is a vegetable that sings.

I just think you've got to give up. The artichoke underwhelms. The Jerusalem artichoke delivers, but you have to have enough of it. Okay. It's what you always want to. chestnut to be. I thought a lot about this. I used to work at a restaurant that served Jerusalem artichokes. I could go on. I don't even know what one. I presumed it was like, you know.

Tuber. Is he? Okay. But it was just shaving. Well, I don't think you had the best Jerusalem artichokes. You didn't have the goose from... A so-saoy. What you're talking about? I don't know what to tell you. Now you're sounding really 70s. That's so what a 70s man would say at an argument. I was at the fucking Savoy. And then afterwards, we went to tramps for cocktail. Afterwards, we went to Primark. Through some cigarettes out of the window. We know. Yeah, so I got him a Hawkins, Tigers.

Did the other person pay at the Savoy? Oh, that's a question. I can't ask that question. Okay. Yes. Okay. Yeah, it was a family. The waiter said, we're having a Christmas dinner.

Oh. And he said, I said, I know it's a bit, or someone said, I know it's a bit, I don't really talk to them that much. Oh. And he, someone said, I know it's a bit weird, and he said, when their family is together, it is always Christmas. Oh. And I thought, yeah.

I thought, yeah, it is generally quite tense. You're right. There's a lot of drinking and it's tense. I agree with that. But why bring it up now? Oh, my gosh. But what a poet. Yeah, what a poet.

He was very nice chap. Frank, what about when we went to Fortnam Emotions, when absolutely let us go. And they gave us that tea. Let us go is that I never asked. And they gave us that tea and they gave us vouchers for a tea. And Frank's first thing he shouted really loudly was, you know we're paying with vouchers.

Yeah. It's always good to establish that from the beginning. Yeah, but there are discrete ways of doing it, Frank. Anyway, I've moved on. No, it's, I was once invited for a free meal at this restaurant for two. So I turned up. And it was supposed to be a taste to me. And they said, we don't do the taste of menu on a Tuesdays.

They said, but we can sort of concoct one for you. Oh, God. I'll say, okay, but let me make this absolutely clear. It's still free. Kath was physically under the table with embarrassment. And so I cannot believe you said that. I said, if I'd have eaten this meal, we'd have eaten this meal, and then they'd have said it wasn't free,

you'd have seen what embarrassment could be. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I back you 100% on that. We love that stuff. Let's get it out the way early and get it done. Nothing, I love making like middle class English people uncomfortable, but by being direct with money. It's my, it'd be like, before we get into any of this,

what kind of cost? What do you think in here, numbers wise? Straight in. I know. Yes, thank you so much. But I was told this would be free. Is that correct? I mean, I'm, I hate pussyfooting around.

Well, I wasn't going to eat there. No, you didn't want to pay. The food was great. And because it was free and Kat doesn't really eat dessert, I ate six desserts that night. And I was delirious. Absolutely embarrassing. I was.

I couldn't, my vision went. I was like a man in a fucking, I was like I was under water. Oh my God. But it was free and, you know, one has obligations. It was lovely food. So dignified. I want to know where that was.

I think I have a guess. Was it in Soho? That is my favourite cuisine, by the way. Free? Free. Free. Oh, he loves free. I love free. I see where it was.

It was opposite the London Palladium. Okay. I know it well. Not well, but I'm familiar with it. I don't know if that's the ending where we're after. Oh, I do apologize. No, I'm enjoying staring. I walk past London Plaed by Marlady.

Come up with another one. Okay. No, I was sticking with that. It's a Frank Skinner, podcast. A new winter change is blowing. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. I'm not totally sure how it's going. Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via Frank Off the Radio at avalonuK.com.