The Frank Skinner Show - They Want Tears, Not Laughter

Episode Date: February 13, 2026

Frank and Emily are joined by Johnny White Really-Really! Frank has been to see Johnny's show and has a lot of messages about his emotional appearance on Michael McIntyre's Big Show. Emily has also embarrassed herself at the start of the record but it seems the men were oblivious! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It's Frank Off the radio, Frank O, it's the Frankskinner podcast, don't you know? We've been running round in the same old state, hoping help would come from above. Hello. Is everything okay? Yeah, I'm fine, thank you. This is Frank Off the Road. I'm joined by Emily Dean and Johnny White Really, Really is with us today. follow the podcast on excellent Instagram

you can email the podcast via Frank off the radio TavlonuK.com and now I turn to Adam our sound engineer for the WhatsApp jingle You can WhatsApp us on 7457-4-7-4-17-769 Yeah I like it being played remotely

I don't have I usually have a little pad where I can hit jingles They've taken that pad off you, haven't they? I've taken my pad away. It's like you're in the care home. Take the pad off him. Didn't Katie Price said I've taken my pad away when they took her house because she was bankrupt.

Oh, is that what happened? Mocky Mansion? What about when she said to me? Did she lose Mocky Mansion? She said before I leave the grounds, I think it's a walled mansion. Before I leave, I actually have a drone which I used to

survey the areas and see if there's any paparazzi and I said, and if there is none, you don't leave. Oh, Frank, I've slightly embarrassed myself

in front of Johnny already. I've got to say, I wouldn't have recognised the thing that fell out of your, was it your handbag? It fell out. Yeah, I wouldn't have recognised it. personally. Johnny may have.

No, I didn't have any idea. Should we tell people what it was? Please. I'm happy to be open about this. There's no point lying at this stage. What fell out of my handbag? And I just called it, because I could see, I thought Johnny may have spotted it.

That was the problem. And I thought, if I just leave it, I don't like the uncertainty. If I had to write, wrongly or rightly, if I had to write a list of men that I know would recognise what you might call a woman's thing. Johnny would be way back. Way, way back.

I felt you would, and this will become clear when I explain what it is, simply because I would describe you as hands-on. I live in a house of gore. You know, you couldn't not know about periods in our house. You're essentially in Amitaville, really. Yeah. So, but I would describe you as someone

who's unusually clued up on women's head. Well, we have no choice. Me and my son. We have no choice. Like the animals in the wall. Exactly. We have no choice. When I come here and I use the toilet,

I sort of think, well, so much wrong. What's wrong? I mean, I'm not using my urine to remove blood from the bowl. Oh, God. I'm sorry, but you know. Yeah, so am I.

So are we all. We all have our responsibilities at home. If it's not blood, it's contact lenses. Oh, God, I love having a go out. I know you do. If you leave one overnight, they get really good purchase. If they stick to the toilet bowl, then you have to try and, well, I suppose you're saying. You don't have to.

You acquire to try it. Oh, but when it goes, because there's going a bit blue when they dry out. They're like you. When you finally break its grip, that is a triumph. Sorry, anyway. Why is your toilet like the Winter Olympics? The rest of us should just use it for what it's there for. Anyway, I will tell you what.

fell out of my bag. Go on. It was the back of an adhesive strip of my HRT patch. Okay. Ah, H not H. I wouldn't. No, no.

If someone made me say H, I'd refuse to take it. It's my HRT patch, which is a combination, sometimes a blend of progesterone and estrogen. I think this is just estrogen only. A hundred milligrams. Weren't they characters in waiting for God? Do you know Beckett was a real ally?

It was very forward thinking. Yeah, I could. imagine that. I bet he'd have recognised it way ahead of Johnny White, really, really. But it fell out, this little back of the adhesive strip and I thought, I have two choices. I can lie pretend it hasn't happened and I thought, no, that's

not the Frank skin away. Frank likes honesty and I like to think he's influenced me. So I... And Johnny was, I think he was all right about it. How did you find it? I was interested to learn what it was. Really? Yeah. Well, it's just a small bit of clear plastic

but it was... And you kind of Yeah, it was... It looked like it could be used for somewhere else. I could imagine it used in craft. If you were making stuff in craft. It could be the window of a Victorian delivery van. It could be used in a doll's house. If it makes you feel any better,

I, in my late 30s, was dating a 20-year-old French waitress. Let me just think. No one's saying it was okay. I'm just telling you it happened. I walked into a cafe. I took out my handkerchief. She was already alarmed.

I don't think she'd ever seen her handkerchief before. And then with it, something spanned into the air and hit the floor. And it was a suppository still in its packet. And I thought, oh, God. And I thought, at least she won't know what it is. And she laughed for, I would say, between eight and ten minutes. So there are worse things that can happen. I think I was once, and it was one of the few times in my life,

I don't make a habit of this, I can't afford to, but I was being sent on a press trip with David Gandhi, the model, to Croatia. Bar-Poo. The guy from Nabots on there. He's a doctor in Cabana pants man. He's given Franks and pants, hasn't he? He's a bit of a style-like kind of yours.

When I first saw you, I thought, oh, he's a Gandhi-eyed. He looks like a sort of CGI. man. There's pictures of him on the tube. He tors me on the way to work. He's a handsome man. He is very handsome. He sent me some... Some pants? He did send me some pants. Yeah, they were new as well.

But they are... I have to say, if you're listening, Ganders. Ganders? They are... Are they comfy? They're not in... They're falling into disrepair those pants now. What do you mean? Well, there are holes in them and stuff.

Well, you have had them about 20 years. I know, I know. I like to keep them as long as the age of that waitress. That's my target. Oh, Frank, come on. No, they're in a terrible. I would go so far as to say that I'm... They're in a terrible stay.

I'm drinking at the last pan's saloon. I'm going to tell Gandhi, and you might get some new ones. I'd love some more. But no, on this private jet, which is I say, I don't make a habit of. I couldn't afford to, so someone else was paying for this. And I was trying to sort of blend in and appear as affluent as. then, but then an oyster card fell out of my bag

and I could tell that everyone there it just fell onto the floor. No one there knew what an oyster card was. That was my sense. I was the only person I had to pretend it was a credit card, very exclusive. Oh, this is the oyster do you not have one? I was in Nobu once, which is quite a partial

Japanese? Is that when they do expensive steak and stuff? Well, we had... It's sushi and... I was with a group of people And one other person and I, we had a dozen oysters between us. And when the lady came at the end that she looked like a supermodel, the waitress, I offered to pay for those with the oyster card.

My oyster card is a joke. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Contempt. I find humour isn't a big currency at Nobu. No, nor amongst the beautiful. No, the beautiful hate that. They don't like that.

They don't get it. That's a simple. Why don't they like jokes? They don't know what they are? Don't they? No. Why would you need humour if you look really attractive? We need it.

Me and Johnny, we're fucking lost with that. You need it less. I need it a little bit, though. Me and Johnny didn't have humour. Really? Well, I don't want to think about it. It doesn't bear thinking about. Am I right, Johnny?

Where would you be without humour? I mean, I do think that very handsome men seem like it does something to their breath. They're like these funny little hermit priests. They're kind of giving you a gift when they talk to you. The normal parlance of humour and stuff sort of doesn't, it kind of bounces often because they don't really have to roll with it. No, they don't have to.

That's the point. It makes me think if I didn't have to, would I? That's what I think. You know, I have to make a bit of an effort with people. I mean, you know. Oh, you better start. So I went to a couple. comedy show on Saturday night.

What was it? It was Johnny White really, really, really live. What's it called, Johnny? The show's called AMPM. Yeah, okay. Sounds like some sort of black dancing club. Are you aware of the fact?

Do you know WG Grace was? I know young people don't know fucking anything. W.C. Fields. Now WG Grace was one of the great English cricketers. You must have to say, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he had two brothers and their initials, in those days, public school people used their initials were AM and PM Grace and they were known as morning and afternoon. Yeah.

Anyway, it was fabulous. It was very, very funny indeed and very clever and we drove home. You and Johnny? No, I didn't even go back. Why not? Because, well, I'll tell you why. Let me go back a little. Okay.

I sat talking to two men. I sat behind two men because I'd been forced to sit quite close to the stage. And I always think, you don't want to see someone you know in your own stage. Could you see me, John? Because of the light, I couldn't actually see anyone. Though I thought, there's a bit where I mentioned the fall. And I thought, oh, when I say that, I'll somehow work out where you are. I did, I didn't feel anyone else got it at all.

But I couldn't really see anyone. I was sort of like, I'm glad. I'm glad. Not, I mean, I was laughing, don't get me wrong. But I think it's bad manners to be sitting somewhere where your visible is on set. Well, when I go and see you, I would all sit in the back. Yeah, people do. But this wasn't, you know, they said you have to go down there, move to the front.

It was, I'd be honest with you, your audience, I don't know, this is normal, they arrived fucking late. We were in the bar and we thought, oh shit, no one's coming. There's going to be four people at the audience, one of whom he knows. That'll be a nightmare. And then they just come as if they arrived in a big coach together. Did they? I've often wondered if, I mean, there's no way this is real, but I've got quite a sort of

I'm always let latecomers in. And somehow it feels like word has spread about the world that this is it. you can do this. So people, and my friend, I had some friends that arrived at eight, and I said, it started at 740,

but they were like, well, we just thought, you know, like gigs often start a bit late. 20 minutes? They used to come into music where it's like,

that's like a sort of a lie the time they start, and then they muck about for a bit and then go on. So yeah, yeah, I did notice that, but I might just start putting

just 20 minutes of, you know, even sort of more nonsense. You know what you need to do, you know the modern trend. You need to do 20 minutes of fucking crowd. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, don't get Frank on crowd. Try and guess people star signs. They like crowd work, don't they do? They love a bit of crowd, right. Can't imagine Johnny doing crowd. The only thing I do is occasionally try and guess people star signs. Oh, okay. One time when someone was talking, I asked him to stand up and then asked what his earliest memory was.

And then as soon as he started telling me, I just carried on my mark to ignore him. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's kind of what I imagined it might go. Anyway, I was sitting with, and then. These two men in front of me. Yeah. Nice men? Very nice men.

They said nice things about this podcast. They asked me if I'd got better because I was, I missed the last couple because I was. Can you imagine? That would have been like school when you're caught out lying when the teacher find. No, I think one look at me and they knew I hadn't been lying. And I think most people think now I'm on a Zempet rather than dysentery. But anyway, they were very nice in quite a detailed way about the podcast. Nice. But they'd still come to see Johnny.

Oh. And I said the microphone stand had been set like at about 12 feet. I didn't even know that they extended that high. And I said, why have they set the mic like that? They were all going, oh, God, he's going to have to come on. And it'll be that awkward moment when you've got to adjust the thing. I said it's just ridiculous. And then he walked out and he fitted him like a cloth.

I had no idea, but it looks ridiculously high. And then he just, as he got closer, I thought, no, no. No. Oh, it actually was correctly said. And that's why I didn't go back afterwards, because, Having watched that, I thought, oh, I don't want to go back and just might be crying in my neck upwards for 12, 15 minutes. Fuck him. I thought, I'll see him on Wednesday. Yeah, I didn't. I don't have his numbers, so I didn't text him or anything saying that was great. This troubles me a bit. I'm going to be really honest with you.

I'm telling him now, it was great. I love you. Thank you very much. Yeah, so he had how many days of wandering whether you liked it? I don't think he even. I did. Be really honest, Johnny. Did you think that maybe Frank didn't like it? And that's why he left. I was really honest.

I was worried briefly. Yeah. But then I thought, no, it's quite, it's like you might want to hang around in the bar bit and there's not really anywhere to say. I just kind of, yeah, I was hoping that you had liked it. So I'm pleased to hear that. You go to the benefit of the death. I appreciate that.

No, I genuinely liked it. I told it my friend. I took friends who knew not of Johnny White, really, really. And that's obviously always, you know, a risk. Yeah, yeah. Like, I once, speaking of the fall, I knew this woman and we weren't, there was nothing going on, but we were out walking around the town. There was nothing going on.

There was nothing going on, simple as that. Now I so think there was something going on. No, by then I'd reach the age where getting something going on felt like climbing a fucking mountain. You'd got off the pony. Yeah, I mean it's lovely. The runaway horse that you'd got off a runaway horse. I'm telling you guys, it's lovely when it stops. You think it isn't.

You think it's a desolate wasteland, but it isn't. It's a lovely lawn where you can frolic. So anyway, they had, I don't know if you're familiar, Johnny, with the album, 50,000 four fans can't be wrong. It's like the greatest hits. And they had it for like three quid in this shop. said to her, you really need to get that. It's an absolutely amazing album.

And I got a text from her later that said, listen to the four. I listened to some four. Were you joking? Oh. Cut a tough review of the four. Also, I like some four. I know, yeah.

In other words, not much, though. Like, maybe one track. Maybe not even a whole track. Frank, why is it called 50,000? and fall fans can't be wrong. Because there is an Elvis Presley album that's called something like five million Elvis fans. Oh I love that. That makes me love the fall because I had that t-shirt. I bought a t-shirt once to go. We accompanied Frank to a fall gig, didn't we. Do you remember that? Oh, God. There was some other full fans. Stuart Lee was there. And me and Daisy,

he used to work on this show, had gone a bit ironic. And we had ponytails, high ponytails, and lots of makeup and 50,000 fall fans. We were like four fans. We were like four fans. groupies, I don't think surely liked it. No, because I seem to remember you wore your belt over your t-shirt, which has got an 80s thing. To do. But that thing, I was genuinely, I mean, I don't know of your career, Johnny. And I thought, is it possible, though, that it could just be the four of us at the gig?

The first gig I ever did in Edinburgh, it was a midday. show. No one knew who I was. I was getting, I had two people turned up, no one turned up one day. My record was nine. That was in two weeks. Was that the one you saved up the money from? Yeah, yeah. But there was a clown

group on before me. Three Canadians, a woman and two men who did the whole thing in full clown over. And no one came to their show. When I arrived, they were on before me. They would be sitting like on the floor and stuff talking about how much

money they lost, but still in their fucking clown. It's really the most desolately sad thing. I know people say they're frightening clowns, but they can do frightening, but not like they do despairing. I agree. They do despairing with true, true cluck. I agree with you, I don't find them scary. I just find them, as you say, melancholic.

Yeah. Well, sometimes they're very, very funny. It's a clown called Tweedy, if you ever get to see Tweedy. Is he a relative of Cheryl's? He isn't, I don't think, but he is brilliantly funny. Nevertheless, they had two friends. This is the part I'm getting to. They lived in Bright.

I think they were Canadians, but they lived in Brighton. And they said, are we got two friends coming to the show tomorrow? So we can't charge them. They were losing a fortune. They said we can't charge them. And it was in the days, it was pre-mobile phone. So now you'd phone them and say, turn back! Don't make us to the show for two.

two people we know and no money, but they actually came and they had to do the show for their two friends. But it's not easier to do an Edinburgh show where nobody turns up. They really have done that. I've done Edinburgh shows where no one's turned on. But I mean for the whole run for these clown people. Oh, right. I like these clown people.

Like the cat people, these clown people. But yeah, I mean, when people talk about Edinburgh as if it's, you know, a fabulous cultural experience. but it's broken people. No, we used to go, when I was young and my dad was covering the Edinburgh Festival for the BBC, this would have been back in the early 80s, that's when I feel there were loads of,

sort of he take me to experimental theatre, of course he would, very inappropriate for children. And there was once we were like the only people in the audience. And there was a man, you know, and he had a fair point, but he was ahead of his time, but he was shouting about white privilege at us, and it was just us. Was he?

Yeah. He's ahead of his time? Well, he was ahead of his time in terms of people taking that on board, wasn't he? But I think it was just us, maybe another person. White privilege pioneer. He was. I said he was bill. That was his bill matter.

Dave Edgar, white privilege pioneer. I think he was white as well, interestingly. Oh, yeah, yeah. I think it tends to, very tense with the people who get most upset about him. I want to hear about Johnny's. terrible gigs because they're always fun. Well, I did a gig when I was doing Edinburgh. I got a stag who came in.

There were only people that came in and they were a bit, they were like older, sort of, weren't like young men. And they'd obviously been drinking all day. And I thought, oh, they're going to be really rowdy, but they weren't rowdy. In fact, they were kind of, they just sat and then three of them fell asleep.

Like, started napping. And then the other ones just started chatting. And then they just sort of gave up. The gig just chatted to one of them for a bit. and they worked the mates up and then they went off back to the pub. Well, actually, that was, that snatched victory from the jaws of defeat

in a way because it wasn't totally awful. But, yeah, I have, my dad came to see the gig sat in the front row and didn't laugh. That's all. He did look at me the whole time. So that was, I always think. Did that help or did it make it work?

If any audience felt that, it looks at me, I regard that as a result. of sorts. I did my first level London gig, because obviously I started doing gigs in the West Midland. My first ever London gig was, I can't remember the name of the club,

but there was like 12 people in the audience. And it steadily unfolded. By the end of the night, we'd all been on. So we were all the ads. It was just, it was the green room was based in the

auditorium. And I kept looking and I thought, well, they don't look like they're going to, and then they would go up and do it. And in the end, it was just us watching each other. Can I ask a question? Good. When you have, and obviously, I don't know, Johnny, if you've experienced this, you've, you sort of implied you have, and I know you have frank, but when you get out and the room is smaller than you hoped for, like in those early years when you think, oh, there's only four people or... Do you mean that the amount of people is smaller or the actual... I mean the audience members. Do you, is it bad to acknowledge that?

Do you know what I mean? Is it bad for the comic to say, oh, there's only my mom, see my mom's turned up or whatever, or do you have to pretend you're performing at the Palladium all the time? I try to not, I don't ever want anyone to, I think the worst thing is to try and make them feel, well, I wouldn't want anyone to feel bad because if they've come in good faith,

they don't want them to feel as if, I'm like annoyed. Oh, yeah, or they've made a mistake. So I sort of tend to sort of go into it as if everything's normal. And indeed, I've actually, I did a gig in the Isle of White to four people, and that was in a massive room. And they all sat in the front.

And it was actually, that was a real good one. Why? Because they were really into it. They just all seemed funny that there was so only four of them. I don't know. That was one of my, that's one of my favorite gigs in Living Memory, I think, actually, weirdly. there you go so would you say the same

no if I get two empty seats in a 3,000 seat out I'll talk about that for the first 40 minutes with deep bitterness what do you think that says to usually if there's like

eight empty seats I'll rationalise it by sale I've got quite an old crowd they buy the tickets you know months in advance and they know they lock runs out Simple as that

But it was Can I say again It was a really good gig If you get the chance to see Johnny White really really You should go You made me a bit anxious You made me a bit anxious

You had a pint glass Did you have some alcohol in it? It looked like a pint You know my men have those big pints of beer Which cost As we discovered recently What are there about seven pounds? No please don't get me giggling

So get me giggling. But they, Johnny had this point and he kept having a sip, having a sip, which you know, you need to be lubricated when you're on stage. At least some of the shows I've been to. And...

Sorry, Johnny. And... But I had it in my... I don't know why, but I had it in my head. I'd sort of confused it. with an hourglass. I sort of thought

Johnny will finish this with the last throw of the dice. He'll finish it. But he actually finished it about eight minutes earlier and then was just, he didn't even put it down. He was carrying this empty glass.

The empty vessel. Fuck off, Johnny, you're ruining it. I should have... I could only look at the empty glass. Fuck off Johnny, you're ruining it. That's the point now. I should time it to the point. Or at least put it down.

Just so you know something about Frank. He likes to give him. you notes. This is one of his notes. I mean, will you take that on board? Would you consider that a good note? I always hold something. Yeah, my baby, I thought, yeah, okay, that's a good point.

Yeah, because empty glasses is a bit dispiriting to look at it for anyone. Well, I do it. Generally, I do about an hour and a half. So I use a yard of ale when I'm on stage. With minutes marked on a scale. Just to keep me going, I look down and think, Oh, you know, 20 minutes. Do you use water bottle or glass?

Do you make this stage manager? I use glass because... I don't like bottle. It looks a bit tacky. When you get to my age, being unable to get the top of a water bottle is it makes people feel bleak. It's not a funny.

It's not like a fun, like a clown. Like Tweedy doing that would be hilarious. But not you. But with me, it's like, oh. You don't want to be like Scrooge on stage. Boy, boy, can you help me with this bottom? Well, I have handed, I always hand them to women, not to men, trying to prove it something.

And I'll say, can you undo this for me, you know? And then it comes back. Did you get one of those bits of stretchy plastic that you put over, like when you can't get a jar of, do you ever use those? Oh, I love those. Perhaps I could try your HRT. Do you know, I was just going to suggest that. I'll send you some in the post.

First class. Frank, may I share some outside world with you? Or have you still got more you like to tell us? No, no, I'm very happy to hear some outside world. I'm happy for that to take us home. Oh, lovely, take us home. Well, this does concern you because we've had, I'm going to use the word inundated.

We've been inundated. Okay. Which has negative connotations and this is purely positive. We've been inundated. It's cat's time of the month. Oh, my oh my. with listeners getting in touch who have been so

well so loved your appearance on Michael McIntyre's big show which I think might have gone out well it went out very recently I saw it myself I haven't seen it did you not watch yourself when it went out

that was the very peak of my recent illness so I couldn't you know when you're so ill you can't even read or watch 10 oh no nothing is pleasurable no Frank was on the segment, Johnny. Did you see this?

Is it with the guy from school? Well, yeah, it's called Remember Me. Yeah, I saw that, yeah. It was very moving. It was, wasn't it? Well, they bring up three people. I don't think of Johnny watching telly. No, I don't think you had a telly. No, is it a mobile phone you don't have? It was a mobile phone, but I do have one, though. He's got a phone.

Yeah, yeah, back in the game. Sitting on the floor in a swirl of Josting. What's your telly like? Is it not a flat screen? No. It is a flat screen, I think. He's got a flat screen, Frank. Yeah, I'm misjudged.

I didn't realize this guy was a sort of persona. I thought he was like this all the way through. I thought maybe he watched it through someone else's telly through a window. That's the sort of thing I can imagine him doing. Michael McIntyre used to do that, didn't he, on his show? Did he? Didn't he used to go looking in people's windows? And if they were watching his show, he would walk.

I mean, as part of the show, not if he was driving part. Evening activity. But this show, so this was on Michael McIntoarwe's big show, and Frank was in the section called Remember Me, which is my favourite section, I love that, because they bring people from your past. Kathy had been in touch with me, by the way, asking for inspiration.

Yeah, Kath did a lot of research. She did. As did, Buzz, my child, went through all our old family photos and said, who are all these women, these rough-looking women? Oh, my God. Do you never mind your own business? Your mom wasn't the first.

That's all you need to know. And none of them are with us any longer anyway. Some of them are still alive. Okay, okay. Okay. But Kathy had been in touch and some of the suggestions I made, I just wasn't sure how it would land with you. One of them fought in Vegas.

Anyway, carry on. American Civil War. Not the American Civil War. But some of them. Oh, man, she loved that fucking Gettysburg dress. Always going on about it, she was. But some of the people I put forward to Kath, I was just not convinced that it would be a sort of joyous reunion.

No, there was some. There was, for example, I said, what about the cab driver whose lunch he stole? I didn't steal it. He offered it me. Okay, this is exactly why I thought it might not be the right booking. But anyway, I think the choices were perfect. Oh, good. It was your old school friend who's called...

Geoffrey Rowley. Very good, Frank. Don't ask me any other names. No, I won't. But what people have been writing in about is that, for example, well, I'm going to share some of these with Jordan. Hi, all, at the risk of setting Frank off again, can I just say how lovely it was to see him on Michael McIntosh's show this week

being reunited with Kathy, the doctor who delivered Buzz. If they'd brought on another guest who launched into hopelessly devoted I think it might have actually finished him off. I would say the main response I had text from, I got text from people who I had nerd from for years. But it was all about that they'd cried.

Yeah, I cried. That's not what I fucking want from an audience. Oh, no. What a horrible, horrible response. That's what they want now on telly. They want tears, not laughing. Why can't you just accept people love this moment? moment. It was a nice thing. Don't ruin it.

There was a time. Gilbert Harding was a presenter. I know Gilbert Harding. Gilbert Harding cried on face to face. It was fucking headline news. Man cries on television. Imagine if that was a headline now. You could have a newspaper that was just about people crying on television. And now I've joined the pack.

Is one way of looking at it? That's one way I looking at it. Or you could say, isn't it lovely? Alternatively. That this moved people. People, but you know, it's up to you. You do you, okay? We are also getting, look, this one.

I know comedy never really works on television. But I would. You made some funny jokes. Yeah, but they seem to have been swamped by my teeth. You're unbelievable. We're all lining up to say we loved that. It moved us. I don't know what got in, you see.

I mean, my family. My favorite joke was when I went into the Royal Box. Oh, here we go. The audience looked up at me and I said, I'm getting the feeling that they don't, they actually don't remember me. And that got a big laugh? Oh, that did get it.

Yes. Oh, good. That's good. You never know when there's another comedian in the edit. It might take the laugh. Oh, my God. Frank. Well, I'm not going to share any more of these.

I'm more of a threat than you might think. I shouldn't be at my age, but I am. Triple threat, you are. Yeah, well, I don't know what the triple is. Can I say this might, you won't like this because it's not about you being funny, but they are all saying you're funny. Okay.

However, there's a lot of comments on how attractive you looked. For example, can I just say, Saw Frank on the M&B big show, Great Teeth Frank. Really liked your teeth. No, that's irony. No, this wasn't. No, I mean, I can imagine a sort of an angle

or a light in where I looked out of, but not my teeth. You didn't look that bad at all. And in fact... My teeth are a bit of... In case you haven't seen, they're a bit sort of long John Silver. It's what I imagine his teeth work. I've told you about this. What your teeth are is real and authentic.

Yeah, well, they are that. In an age where, and they're the only teeth I know. Well, actually, you don't have turkey teeth, Johnny, do you? No. Okay. And I like you for that. Johnny's teeth are a happy medium, as I used to call. Well, what does that make yours?

What was he called Russell? Russell Grant was a happy medium. Derek Okora was an unhappy medium. I don't know if he was unhappy. Oh, was he happy? I mean, I think... He's in a better place now. I think the acquiring of money for old rope

could make people very happy. Yeah, Johnny's teeth, I think, are a happy medium between mine and, let's say, I don't know, who's got very white teeth? Rylum. Rylon. Who sits in the teeth chair? We always talk about this. I always think Jimmy Carr.

Yes. Yeah, he's got him. The extreme examples. If you think white teeth, who do you say? I think, Ryland, you think Jimmy, both there. Oh, and Yergen Klopp. Oh, yeah. In the Trevago adverts.

That wasn't ideal. He went in early. Never a good idea. Well, he had the hair transplant as well. He's almost, there's none of him left, really. He's like the ship of Perseus. He fills the emotional space filled by the original Yergen Klop. All the parts have been replaced over the years.

I mean, you didn't get that in the David Pleat years, did you? He wouldn't have had his teeth done. No, no. If you watch Doctor, like I watched Doctor Who from the 60s. What's their teeth like? The teeth are fucking, I mean, William Hartnard's teeth. You know how the Queen Mother's looked like they'd been carved out of wood? They're like that.

And you know what? I love them for it, but I always think, oh, their breath must be. terribly. Yeah, it does look like they've painted iodine like they look brown. They're not that they're being French polish. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. A new winter change is blowing.

It's the Frank Skinner podcast. I'm not totally sure how it's going. Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via Frank Off the Radio at avalonuK.com.