The Frank Skinner Show - Three Pens

Episode Date: January 31, 2025

On today’s podcast Frank has new glasses which has some bespoke elements he’s excited to show the team. Frank has also been chastised by a podcast reader in this week’s Outside World. Send your emails to [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey Spotify, this is Javi. My biggest passion is music, and it's not just sounds and instruments. It's more than that to me. It's a world full of harmonies with chillers. From streaming to shopping, it's on Prime. Hey guys, you know what this playground could use? A wine country, huh? A redwood forest would be cool. Ski slopes! Wait! Did we just invent California? Discover why California is the ultimate playground at MissyCalifornia.com.

It's Frank off the radio, featuring him and that posh lady-o, and the one with the French name. From South Africa came, they're all here, open brackets, hooray! Close brackets today! Oh, this is Frank of the Radio. I'm joined by Emily Dean and Pierre Navelli. Follow the podcast on X and Instagram. I've started, I didn't take a deep enough breath at the beginning. You can email the podcast via frankoftheradiovalonUK.com. I'll tell you, there's a bit in, I think it's in Annie Hall, the Woody Allen films, it's a short time, we didn't know. We didn't know, sorry guys.

And there's a bit where someone in a film queue is talking about the American social critic Marshall McLuhan and he says Marshall McLuhan, what he meant was blah blah blah. And Woody Allen says to this guy, that's not what he meant at all. And the guy said, no, no, no, it is. And Woody Allen walks behind this poster and brings out the actual Marshall McLuhan and he says, no, no, he says to the guy, that's not what I meant at all, you've got it wrong mate. And Woody Allen says to camera, if only life was always this simple. I was just opening a packet of crisps pre-podcast and I just, sometimes when you get to my age, you have to accept there are things you can't open. And I just, I hadn't got the strength to pull it apart.

And some you shouldn't. Yeah. I just couldn't pull it apart. I realized it. It reminded me of the days of the ball worker. I don't know if you remember that, but it was another one of my build a great body schemes. Oh, after Milk Week. It was like, it's hard to explain what it looked like.

Hang on, was this not Mr Atlas? Was that a different one? No, no, this was separate. I decided that Charles Atlas had let me down with his dynamic tension system. So now I was going to get into equipment, so I bought a ball work out. They were very popular at the time, because you could squeeze them and pull them. Right. I find it so heartbreaking. What is

one? Well imagine it's got grip, it's a long, it looks like a bar of about a metal bar. Yeah. Of about three, four feet, no three feet say, but you can compress it because it's two metal bits. So you can squeeze it in like that. It's got wiry bits on the end so you can stretch it out like a twin crossbow. So there's like a spring inside that makes it hard to squeeze in? Yes. Okay. Anyway.

I mean, that sounds... That's what the crisp packet was like. I don't need elaborate equipment now. I can just open crisps in the morning. You handed it to like. I don't need elaborate equipment now, I can just open crisps in the morning. You handed it to Pierre. So I just couldn't hand it and I couldn't open it so I said, Pierre and I just chucked, I didn't say anything, I just chucked the crisps over and he opened them for me. And that was when I'd like to look to camera and say if only life was always like this. I think you at one point, which I loved, I think you referred

to him as Muscles. I did say, yeah, thanks Muscles, because at that point he literally represented my muscles that have basically dissolved. I'm wasted not following a career as a goon. Well you should see our muscles if you think yours are wasted. No, I'm wasted not as a goon. I'm trying to do all this comedy. I should just be a goon for someone. Oh, sure thing, boys. That kind of thing. Yeah, you tell them, boys. It was so good. Do you remember I had that idea that we did an Edinburgh show in which I was Dr. Frankenstein and he was my monster. The whole thing was a conversation with him

quite grudging about the fact that I'd made him and me talking about where various parts had come from. The problem is you've made him too bright. Yeah well that, in the actual book, in the book he's very eloquent, in the film he's like ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo You're suggesting I get my knowledge from the cartoon. Exactly. What is it? Frankenweenie? Frankenweenie, yeah. I've never seen Frankenweenie. Well, lucky you. You've only ever seen it.

You've never called on him at home. Frankenstein, agent of S.H.I.E.L.D., which is a comic book. What's that? He's very eloquent. He's part of a sort of a superhero group that involves aliens and things. He's got too much on his plate. He's not been in a superhero work. He's continued to work, whereas Dr Frankenstein has basically disappeared. He's struck off.

It's interesting, isn't it? He was the brains. Malpractice. He was the brains behind the outfit, but it hasn't worked out for him. No. Okay. He was the brains behind the outfit, but it hasn't worked out for him. Here's the thing, I'm reading a novel at the moment. Oh, fancy. I don't read that much fiction, but I'm reading a novel called Fathers and Sons by Ivan Turgenev. The reason I'm reading it is that a guy I knew in Birmingham recommended it to me and said it's the best novel ever written.

That was his. This was 45 years ago and I've just started reading it. Are you one of those people where if something's recommended it actually goes to the bottom of your list? No. You think I wouldn't be reading anything someone suggested. I'll make a mental note not to read this. I think I said to him I've got quite a lot of stuff to read at the moment, but I will definitely read it. You said to him I've got this bar you can push it and pull it. I've got a lot on. I didn't mention that the ball works. So what inspired you to pick it up again? Did you just come across it or did this person

get in touch? No, he didn't get in touch. If he got in touch I'm afraid it would be through a medium. So he never had the pleasure of my summary of the book. So now I'm taking recommendations from the dead. Anyway, it's brilliant. It's Russian, obviously. It is brilliant. But it made me think if I'd have lived in Russia at that time, I'd have been hopeless. Because everyone, like they say, well, I know what you mean, Ivanovich Levyvasilyev. And I think the trouble is you get to a certain age where if I did people's names that were

that long, I would have forgot what I was going to say to them. Do you know Frank, you're so right. It's always been my issue with Russian literature. Oh man. It's always like, so, Kristina Ivanovich, you sit here looking at me, I think, oh, I haven't got the time to be ashamed. It's like, you know, those people, I mean, I get this problem all the time anyway, but people are talking to me and I think of something interesting or witty or both and I think I'll tell them that but I better be polite, I better not interrupt,

I better let them finish and then they finish and then I think, well, I've been polite and now that moment's gone your loss. That's what I think. Anyway, it's good. Because it's drifted away. So you wouldn't have a career as a sort of snappy witty retort guy in Russia. No, it's no good. I say say I tell you what happens with you the day Vasily even if it's a bitch and he go or what was it and I'll go I don't know now Shouldn't have such a long name That does sound like Russian literature though. People just forget. Yes. Yeah, it's

People I don't really use I hardly use names at all when I'm talking to people. Well, you know, I got so shocked and horrified today because Pierre did something unacceptable, as I believe Super Nunny pronounces it. She did, yeah, unacceptable. You did something unacceptable today. I miss unacceptable. I think Mack and Cole said it as well. Really? Unacceptable, that's what you are. That would have been a lovely song wouldn't it? Unacceptable, that's what you are. It's about being cancelled.

So they sing as you delete all your social media. Yes, when you get cancelled from Twitter. I just think, great way of ending a relationship. But what's wrong? What have I done wrong? Unacceptable, that's what you are. We all know that no one has topped your way of ending a relationship. I'm not proud of that. Oh I think it's fabulous. No. I think it's funny enough that you got away with it, you know the one I mean. Well I only just had the technology to do it because I'd only just got a phone. We're not about the right one. No, I didn't know about technology. Oh. You referred to, it was to do with it being great having you on the show. No, that was it though because it was one of the first texts I ever sent. Oh, it was a text, okay. Yeah, and it was, I was dumping someone by text which is wrong, but I also did it in the form of a game show host. So I said

I better change her name for this I'll call her Susan. So I'm afraid we have to say goodbye to Susan she's been a great but she just doesn't walk away empty handed and then I listed the things I bought her during our relationship. Yeah. It's been great having you on the show I'm afraid that's all we've got time for. Yeah I mean I'm not proud of it but it was the novelty of the text. Did she laugh? Did she respond Susan? When I got back she'd left because we were sharing a flat at the time. Okay. She'd left and she'd left in a box by the door everything I'd bought her. I thought you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going

to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going

to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going to say you were going As I say that was a bad thing to do. Look I've got something new in my life. I noticed those. Those are nice.

I've got some new spectacles. I'm assuming we know where these are from. Well they came from Qubits. Of course they did, you're obsessed. Of course they did. But they offered me a free pair. I don't know if I should say this publicly, but too late. And I thought I'd go, I normally go for little round, brown things. I don't know if I mean Maltesers, I mean Spectacles.

Where are you going with this? But this, I've gone for big black rectangular, horn rims. Well yes, you normally go for 12 angry men. Yeah. Meets sort of McCarthy. I've gone more body holly onto a 1959. I rather like them. 59.

Yeah. I think they suit your face. Thanks. Do the spectacles in cubits, do they have names sort of Ikea style? Is there a name for this set? Well these, these are bespoke. So I have, there are certain things. If you read, if you want to read that Emily, that read that leg as some people call them. Team legs. Stop taking them off me,

just read it. I can't read it. Why are you so possessive why you want to get them I'll read it it's like show it when you show someone something on your phone they want to hold the phone what's wrong with people just read it I couldn't see from there it said I couldn't have held it any closer I'd you'd have been wearing them okay I won't you need the glasses to already it says can you have one more try I don't touch them. What you need the glasses to, I'll read it. It says can you have one more try? I don't like, what do you want me to say? Handmade in King's Cross. Handmade in King's Cross it says, which is as is this podcast. Yes. But I went in and I'll be straightforward. I went to collect them. There was a colourful character behind the cat. And I tell you I knew he was

a colourful character. He had three pens hanging from his hair. Oh. Right. That sounds odd. I would have thought you were going to say they had a bright jacket. No. But this is something I've never encountered before. No, but he was nice. He said to me I asked him I said He said I'm a bit disappointed. You've gone for black glasses. I think One should bring color into the world and what about three pens? Yeah

I didn't mention the pens in case it just fallen asleep against a stationary cupboard pens in case he'd just fallen asleep against a station recovered. But he said, I think it's important in life to express joy and express higher feelings. And I said, you know, no one ever says stuff like this in Specsavers. And he says, well, I think we you know, we should always be exactly who we are and we should share who we are with other people. I said, this shop should be called Intraspecsafers. And he said, oh, that's my joke of the day. I'm going to write that down. Easy for him.

Yeah. Three pens hanging from his bloody head. His joke of the day. He doesn't quite understand the three pens. Well, it's always good to have a pen. And he hasn't got a breast pocket. So hang on. But why, I agree with him notionally.

But didn't he accept that perhaps the way you expressed your inner joy was through some black glasses and not some rainbow? I can't wear, you know, he wanted to big incise me. Yes, sort of Dame Edna glasses. Who was the guy who had the hammer? There was, oh I can't remember now, hang on. Timmy Mallett. Actually he didn't have a hammer did he? He was a hammer. Timmy Mallett. Yes he was a hammer. I think he had a mallet as well. He did. He didn't want to waste that surname. I've never been clear on what Timmy Mallett's job was. Well he was a children's TV presenter. He did a show called Whacker

Day. Yeah. Oh right. Bringing in the hammer. I know it it sounds weird but it worked. I know, it just prevents prostate cancer. He was, he was... Oh my god, Piax. Does it? Oh god, I won't bother with that test. If you and your friends want to carry on with your rabid anecdotes... Oh, sorry. He led me oos muscles.

Why didn't muscles make silly prostate jokes? Sorry boys. I know. Muscles make silly prostate jokes? Sorry boys. Muscles! Anyway, I've got something on, they said you can have any 20 character saying or sentence on the other. Oh, that's good. It's called arm now. So one is handmaiden King's cross.

So handmaiden King's cross, they all, because they is Handmaiden King's Cross. So they all, because they are Handmaiden King's Cross, so I decided to have on the other one, do you want to try this or shall I read it? No I'm frightened, you do it. It's Dance First, Think Later, which as you know is the slogan of Michael McIntyre's The Wheel. No, it's a Becky quote, not Rob. It's a Samuel Becky. Oh, is it a Samuel? Oh, okay. Well, it's probably a misquote because all the best quotes, they're never really effective. Yes, because he did say, what was the other one? Fail again, fail better is his, isn't it? I don't know. I believe he did. He said fail again, fail better. Well, now that line's more... And we take him very seriously.

Well, fail again, fail better lines up with my idea of Samuel Beckett in my head. But I think... Dance like there's no tomorrow. Dance first, think later. I've seen written in neon in a brunch bar. Doesn't sound like Samuel Beckett at all. Dance like no one's watching, guys. I think it might be a...

I think it is essentially what he said. You know, people might have followed still. Frank, I'm going to be suspicious though if you get the next glasses and it says Rosé all day Samuel Johnson or something. Yes Yeah, they're just making it. No, it's my suggestion. Okay. Good. I saw it. I Just I it's about not worrying too much before you it's the opposite of look before you leave I basically leap before you look okay, okay, which I think is a good thing. Live, laugh, wait for Godot. That kind of thing. Yeah, a bit like that. This episode is brought to you by RBC Student Banking. Here's an RBC student offer that turns a feel-good moment into a feel-great moment.

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with your local travel advisor or at... Sunwing.ca. So what do you think? They're not quite... I really like them. I think they're quite serious journalism as well. The reason I wear glasses most of the time, not in my public appearances, because it's hard enough to be recognised as it is. But I think you're sort of saying I'm a gentle, bookish, non-threatening person. Do you know what I mean?

I'm trying to think, who would you say he reminds you of? What's his brittle vibe, his energy wearing those glasses? Is it Dennis Norton? It's a bit breakthrough in the Watergate case. Yes, this is what I think. There is something slightly Watergate. Okay, but non-threatening you'd think. I mean, obviously Shipman wore glasses. No, they're not Shipman. They're very... I think you were respected by Kennedy right up until the end.

And Shipman apparently is... Kennedy adored you. Don't get me wrong. They're quite a gentleman. There are even rumors of an affair with Jacking. Shipman's were only 0.025. Yeah, because that's a lovely fact. It was the weakest prescription he was ever involved with. Oh my God. Please.

Is that original? I don't say anything that isn't original. You should know that. No, but that's... You know him muscles. Well, that's going to be his name. You find people that do, you know, pretend they made up a joke and didn't is because they're not very good at making up jokes. Yeah, true. I was shocked at how normal that is for people. Because I've worked with you for so long, I assumed you couldn't do that, and then I saw people doing it willy-nilly.

There's a whole, it's not just jokes. I was taking a photograph on Hampstead Heath, and I thought, everyone's taking a photograph of the big cityscape over there, but I like the way it's big cityscape over there, but I like the way it's a bit foggy over there and those cranes are rising out of the industrial landscape. So I took this picture. Lovely. This woman said, let's have a look. Let's have a look at it.

What? This is what happens when you have a non-threatening glasses face. Yeah, exactly. So I held up my phone. she didn't try to grab it in fairness, and I showed it and she said, oh, that's great. It's a bit weird, can't I look? She said, I'm going to take that exact photo. Is that all right? What did you say?

I said, you're going to try? No, I didn't. I didn't. I just walked away. I didn't know. I don't know what to say when people say stuff like I'm having that. My respect for you has plummeted and then you'd walk off the hill. I had no respect for her. I didn't know the woman. And also just let's have a look. Let's see what you've...

Let's have a look. Yeah, exactly. Let's have a look. It's odd. It's like, you know, when you see people with an easel... I should have said that to her. You should have shown that to her. You should have shown her just that it was a selfie.

I'm still reeling that Pierre said is that original. I can't believe it. He's known me so long. I know, but I think there's a difference between claiming credit for a joke you haven't written and just saying a joke that exists in the world. No, I don't think he would say a joke. No, that's true. I don't think Frank would ever tell a joke that wasn't his.

Am I right? Sorry, I'm too upset to even talk about it. Frank, you've got to move on. All the time we've spent together, he's learnt nothing about it. I've heard you say it's classic joke jokes. Yeah, but... We discuss classic jokes. I know, but I've up-fronted them. I haven't been trying it's classic joke jokes. Yeah, classic jokes. I know but I've Upfronted them. I haven't been trying to pretend they were mine

This awkward in probably 34 years I just I feel let down Frank why'd you have to make it a weird atmosphere? I also feel no people listen to go think oh, yeah, but that wasn't easy. Well Google it, Google it, see if you can find it guys. You'll probably see comedy clubs this weekend after this has gone out. I think a lot of comics listen to this with a notebook. Anyway, so enough of that. What else? Have we had an outsidey-wildy experience? We have, haven't we Pierre? We have. We've had, we've listened, we've heard from our readers, we've had some notes for you.

I mean after Jokegate, I don't know whether this is the right time to share this with you frankly. No, let's do it. I can't go any lower. In for a penny, in for a pound and you've got to pick a pocket or two. Lisa has got in touch. Lisa, this is just a request really, she suffers from misophonia and she's asked if, she's pointed out that sometimes she can hear tea being gulped. Yes. Is that bad? Well apparently they, yes. When they have headphones on they

can hear it. Okay. And she had two golfs. It's sort of HD sound experience. Yeah, I didn't know that was a thing apparently. I think it's nice that it makes it real. It's like when people are playing a guitar on a record and you're like... When they slide their fingers on it.

But you don't want it to be like... Oh I don't mind that, sorry Pierre. You don't want it to be like the arches though. Oh. Ah! Ah! That was a lovely... Lovely tea I'm drinking.

Oh, for God's sake, you know. Too much of a soundscape. I know, but... It's like BBC radio play. The idea that we can't drink tea on air because someone's got misophonia. I wonder if she's read the book on misophonia by the comedian Steve Hall's wife.

Good book. Well, she might well do now. Have you read it? I have. I've got a chapter in my book on Missifonia too. I have it selectively as well. I've got the audio book, but I added it up a bit too loud. Couldn't get through it.

I got a message from a Danish person on Instagram. One of mine. I'm just going to say that after every joke now. Frank, you've got to let this go. It's the sort of thing you're going to hang on to. Please, will you just accept? Do you apologize for that, Pierre? It's a compliment.

Oh, he's not apologized. Are we apologizing for gulping tea? Yeah, well, do you think we need to apologize for that? I mean, I'm sorry. I don't want to upset anyone. I'm a stealth drinker, but that's because I also have the same thing. Well look, I'm sorry, but you know what? Here's to you. Oh no. Oh. You have that kind of gulp dot wav, like the perfect sound effect for drinking that you'd use in like a cup too. Yeah, yeah, I do a lot of foley work Also, you should hear me trudge through snow you have actually got a great goal. I never knew that about you

Yeah, it's um, I would describe it as a Disney goal. Somebody else Yeah, I'd hear that in a cartoon if a cartoon character was having a drink. What's pop? That's how they would sound. Popeye win the spinach. Yeah. You're like Popeye the sailor man. Oh no, Lisa's walked into the ocean now. Lisa's no longer with us. You know at the end of A Star is Born, the original A Star is Born with Judy Garland and James Mason, he

walks because his wife's career gets better than his, which then at that time felt completely okay to feel that desolate. Well imagine, I mean imagine anyone having to cope with that. He just thought that was a normal ending. Yeah exactly. None of us went, wow, extraordinary, why did he do that was a normal ending. Yeah, exactly. None of us went, how extraordinary, why did he do that? We thought, well you would, wouldn't you? So he walks into the ocean, he just... Because she gets wet.

And they made the biggest mistake, he wasn't wearing a hat because in every walk into the ocean thing I've seen, their hat is floating on the water at the end, but he's not wearing one. So in the end, because his wife got more successful than him, he justifiably, of course, walks into the ocean to his death. And I watched it with my dad on the telly, and I remember the music, this dramatic music, swelled up. And my dad said, they should have had, my Barney lies over the Ocean. It's the ending song. Totally seriously. Oh no, he's killed himself. My Bonnie Lies Over The Ocean.

As if we're delighted as well. James Mason. I've had a message like this about my audiobook. What was the message? From a Danish person who said... They can talk with that crackling bacon thing you get. Constantly frying. Yeah, on old 78. They said...

Who's your favourite Dane? Favourite Dane? Oh, probably Hamlet. Who's the greatest Dane? Oh, lovely answer. I would have gone Dolph Lundgren. Is he Danish? But I think he's German now. Was he the one to put the thumb in the chip? He was Rocky. Was he German Frank? He wasn't Rocky. No he was in Rocky.

Wasn't he the hitchhiker guy? No Dolph Lundgren was... no no no that's Dieter someone else. Dolph Lundgren was the villain from when Rocky punched the Soviet Union. Not the hitchhiker or whatever it is. Hitcher. Yeah that's not him. That's not him. Do you remember that? Yes I do.

That he sort of picks people up and then people pick him up and then he kills them. But someone he leaves motorway services and somebody picks up their chips and there's a thumb in it. And that wasn't Dolph Lundgren. No. I don't think so. Well, I'll get it by Harrow's. This person is definitely in the autism gang with me and said, there's two places, maybe

three in your audio book where you do a very good job of drinking silently, but I can hear the slight echo as the cup approaches or leaves your mouth at the start or the end of some sentences. It's impossible. That is sensitivity. I used to do this Learn German course and Learn French I did as well with this guy called ... He's got a thumb in my chin. He's called Michel Thomas. Oh yes, I've had his dogs like that. and learn French I did as well with this guy called... Is that your son or your main chit?

He's called Michel Thomas Oh yes, I've got your dog's leg dad I remember he used to say Je vais, I'm on my way Je vais But he does a lot of Was that his male partner? He's like a

He's like a dog on a sofa. He does that. Oh no. He did a lot. I mean I think it was his dentures. Burn every copy. May I give you two pieces of information? Javay! I'm on my way! Come on. Rutger Hauer. Is that who it was? I do sound a bit like I'm, it's the end of your round on Celebrity Mastermind. Rookahauer was the one you passed on of course. He was the hitcher. It's so much easier of course when you're not on the chair. And Dolf Lundgren is Swedish. Is he?

Rookahauer also star of Hobo with a Shotgun, a very silly film. Oh that sounds lovely for children. Yeah. with a shotgun a very silly oh that sounds lovely for children mmm yeah I think I remember seeing a video called homo with a shotgun fabulous gay love story both barrels if I remember oh my god these are different times of course can I share this with you we We've also had a correctioni. Can I say she's holding up a hypodermic needle. We've had a...

I never share needles. No. We've had a correctioni from Bill Richards. This was, I felt the reason I'm pointing... I wonder if I've still got the old correctioni. Oh yes. It was our worst ever jingle if you remember. Was it? Yeah, it was terrible. I don't remember you saying that before. got the old Correccioni. It was our worst ever jingle if you remember.

Was it? Yeah it was terrible. I don't remember you saying that before. I have got the jingle board but now we're not on radio. I mean do people use jingles on podcasts? They do. Do they? They tend to be inserted after the fact though.

What sort of jingles do they have? Well they have better ones than this. Correccioni, Correccioni, yole, yole, crowd singing. You know what I hate is my feeble attempt to join in. Do you try and join in? Yeah I do, it's awful. Oh I miss that. Let's see all that again. Here we go. Oh yes you did. That is feeble. It's pathetic. You know what it is, it's very person in the backseat of the car trying to join in with the front passenger conversation. What?

I've humiliated myself in that. We had some children round our house at the weekend and there was a young girl who was into Billie Eilish and I said, do you like Lady in Red? And the mom said, that's Christa Burgess. I said, no, they act lady in red, but it's actually girl in red. Oh, such an old man's mistake. Billy eyelash. Billy Irish. I like that. Billy, good old Billy Irish. Diddley diddley diddley. Yeah. The hit song, Bad, Badfella. I'm sorry I would get that if I knew the title of any.

He doesn't know it. Bad Guy, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. There you go. See I'm sometimes aware. You do know when you hear it. Do do do do do do.

Do you know that? I know the Pink Pony Club of what she called? Thingy Roan? Strange, strange boats. What she called? Chapel Roan. Listen, do you want to hear this correction from Bill Richards? Hold on, I'm just getting me pop knowledge out the way. Oh, I didn't know this was still going on. Okay, continue you two. No, that's it, I've done it. Oh, okay. Bill Richards has got in touch as has Janet Davis and Daniel Adams.

Oh, we've done some at back. They all sound made up, but they're real people. No, they sound good. Yes, it sounds like they sound like the names of someone writing a play for the first time. Yeah. They would call characters things like Bill Richards, Bill Richards. Janet Davis.

Yeah. Because they're frightened to do anything. Henry William. There was a Chris Collins in Coronation Street, it was named after me. And he was from West Bromwich the character. Was he a good... Sorry. Chris Collins being my birth name. And my mother's. Was he? What? Chris Collins. You never told me that before. I've told you a lot of times. Oh God.

Christina Collins. Was it at least a nice character or did it have a terrible end? No, no, he was a nice mechanic kind of a guy. Anyway, do you want to hear what Bill Richards, Janet Davis and Daniel Adams from the Play for Today have said? Praise-redacted and extradited, long-time listeners. I don't know quite what, does that mean cut out? Yeah, I guess it so left the building.

Second-time writer finishing a book on the deadline whilst the library is closing and returning it just on time. I like that Bill Hadfield Richards has set the scene for us. Yes, we were talking about things, strange things that make you proud. Yes, exactly. But the issue that Bill and Janet and Daniel have had is dorking. We talked about dorking. Dorking halls is in Surrey, not Hertfordshire. Apparently we said it was in Hertfordshire. The last time I was there, I was seeing Return of the King. Lord of the Rings, Charles III. So yeah, I do apologize to everyone for saying it was in Hertfordshire. I have a speech impediment and it just turns out that sorry seems to be the

hardest word. It's so sad. It's sad, so sad. It's a sad sad situation. You alright? What? I always say to the way he said, absurd. What about, tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak somewhere in this town. I bet it's at the jail. That's the first place I've checked. Oh, I love the thin lizard. Oh, is that lovely Phil? Thin list. Do you remember the thin list? We've talked about this on the old days, but not on this podcast. I love in the boys are back in town, which is all, if the boys want to fight you better let them. It's really like these menacing group have arrived in town.

Freddie now will be dressed to kill. Oh my God. Down at Dino's Bar and Grill. Oh, sorry about that. We're gonna go for a meal. These troublesome hoodlums have come into town. Yeah, let's have a drink. Oh actually, I wouldn't mind a... Get some...

Yeah, maybe a masacra. Get some calamari. Not a Dino, it's gonna have to be Italian. Also, when you say dressed to kill kill what sort of outfits are you planning? Yeah exactly, overalls. Yeah just sitting and asking if you can have wedges instead of fries. I wonder what Dino's Bar and Grill, that might have been a real place in Birmingham Frank. I think he left. Are they from the Birmingham area? Well Phil Linnett who was... Leslie Crowther's son-in-law. Yeah eventually. He was born in the same hospital as me, Howlam Hospital in West Bromwich. Shut up, I didn't,

did you know that? But he grew up in Ireland. Oh did he? Okay. I mean they were an Irish band. Right. I went to the Irish Hard Rock Cafe, I think it was Dublin. Yeah. Were you with me? I can't remember. Yeah, me, you and Oman. There was a lot of Thin Lizzy. Yeah, lots of Irish band stuff. Rory Gallagher and stuff like that. They had, there's mainly Thin Lizzy and then sort of Bono's hair gel. And someone I didn't know was Irish, but I... Someone like the Cranberries? Yeah.

Are they Irish? The Cores. Surely you knew they were Irish. Someone like the Cranberries? Yes. Are they Irish? The Cores, surely you knew they were Irish. I knew the Cores were Irish, obviously. I listened to them on Apple Music. Oh my God. Come on, that's clever. There are people at home who...

It's so good. Is that your joke? There are people listening to this. Or did you? That is my joke. Or did you? There are people listening to this. That is my joke. There are people at home who if they live to a hundred will never come up with a joke that good and yet they've just gone, oh, like a big groan to that one. Yeah. If I lock them in a room with a pencil and paper for fifty years,

what's the chance of that shipment joke coming up? Zero. Anyway, we're all different. We've all got things we can and can't do. I can't park. You definitely can't. I'd rather be funny. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. The new winter change is blowing. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. I'm not totally sure how it's

going. Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode and if you want to get in touch you can email the podcast via frankofftheradio at avalonuk.com