The Frank Skinner Show - Three Strangers on a Train

Episode Date: August 7, 2026

Frank is in Edinburgh for the month and is joined by comedian Vittorio Angelone and playwright Bryony Kimmings. Does this episode sound like three strangers meeting on a train? You be the judge! Frank’s been to see The Odyssey and Spider-Man: Brand New Day in 4DX 3D, Bryony’s found herself in a Maserati with four old ladies, and Vittorio’s being a "megastar." If you want to message the show, email us at [e-mail] or WhatsApp us on 07457 417 769 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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You're richer than you think. It's Frank off the risk. The Frank's going to podcast, don't you know? Look out the left, the captain said. That light down there is where we'll land. Not the other one. This is Frank off the radio. I'm joined by Brianne Kimmings and Vittorio Angeloone.

Follow the podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via Frank off the radio, Avalonukai.com. Meanwhile, on WhatsApp. Very gothic, this one. It's beautiful, but... Completely illegible. It's a terrible way to give someone a phone number. It's just imagine.

Imagine doing that in a nightclub. Do you like to meet? Can I see you again? Yes, certainly. Because of court, sort of Roman Catholic nightclubs I go to. It's a common place. Okay. It's 0745747417.

and seven six nine that's what the actual number is um Vittorio and Brianie I don't know you people we've met once have we have oh god oh no it's one of those terrible moment I've never met you no see okay she didn't pretend where did we meet Victoria James Taylor's birthday party but not the famous James Taylor avalon agent manager James Taylor okay yes are you at Avalon then not anymore Oh, God, what a terrible start. Great to be here. Skim over that. Are you still at Avalon?

I love Avalon. I love Avalon. I love Avalon. We're at the same management company, but some people just got to be too big for their boots. I would love to be on Taskmaster. I would just like you to know that I would still love to be on Taskmaster. Thank you Avalon for everything you did for me. Do you think anyone has ever left to boots and the staff have said they've got too big for their boots?

Sure. I hope so. I really hope so. Even the staff of boots. If it hasn't happened, they should be fucking ashamed of themselves. You should go and get a job there just so you can leave. It's too big a price to pay, frankly. So, Brian E, I was just in there.

It was, I had to phone my PA. I had to phone my PA to ask what kind of razor blades I use. Frank. I know. I know that. Surely you could think about yourself. You were too big for boots at that point. That is crazy.

You're the only one. You're the only person phoning your PA in the whole shop. I think that's probably true. Yeah. Look, at least I, you know, I'm upfront about these things. I knew sort of vaguely what they look like.

Metal and sharp. Yeah. That's my PA. But yeah, I've got a review, a review from the Metro of Victoria says will be a megastar. Yes, that was four years ago. It hasn't happened yet.

Oh, when it didn't say when. Hosted They're very careful these journalists Never put a date on anything Well, the newspaper I suppose Famously journalists always put the date on stuff But you're doing an improv show up here

I hate to I loath to call it an improv show Okay what do you call it An improvised stand-up show Okay Oh so off No but come on We know what the difference is I'm not up there going

Give me a location Oh no no Well, I'm doing an improvised stand-up show as well. Did you know that? Yes, absolutely. And I'm doing it with two other comedians. Why is everyone doing this now? What is this?

There's no work involved. Well, yes. Also, James Taylor at Avalon came to see my improvised stand-up show. James Taylor is all over this podcast like a rack. He came and saw it. He was sponsored by Joe's Stake. He came and saw the fringe and said, this is a great format. And then the very next year, Frank had a very similar.

Can I say, I'm just a hired hand. It's not my. idea. So if anyone stole it, don't look this way. I didn't, I didn't invent farting around on stage without any material. That's been a proud tradition of the Edinburgh fringe for many moons. No, but at least you're calling it. So that's on. I'm just saying this and you've got a stand-up show and also you're being interviewed. Yes, they've really, uh, uh, it knows, now has been phoning his PA to ask about his raise. I know, he's coming up to do an interview. An in conversation.

What do you mean? It's like a series of interviews, live interviews at the Edinburgh Friends. A series with you? No, no, no. I'm just one amongst a series that includes... I haven't been asked. It's a kind of illustrious list.

Because... I think... Andy Burnham's on it. Is that why we're not on it? Andy Burnham is the night after me. I don't think he is anymore. Is it in the Comedy Festival? I think that was booked in months ago and he's no longer...

They can't be interviewing Andy Burnham. It's probably they've moved that one to Manchester. The stand comedy club. There's no way that's how... happening the night after me. Now, think of the security as well. Unbelievable. A bit more than for when Jimmy Clark comes off.

I was thinking, who is that? For ages, I was thinking, who is that? Who's Andy Burnham? Then I remember. It's a Prime Minister. I was trying to figure out. Is it a comic? I was thinking of Bowler.

It sounds like a comic. Yeah, and then I was like, it's not that big. Chill out. Oh, the Prime Minister. Yeah, that guy. I don't think he can really cancel it now. What, Burner? I don't think so.

He's booked in, he's paid his deposit. Yeah, exactly. But I'm a bit nervous about that and in conversation. Like, it's definitely an ego move to say yes to that. No, it's fine. It's good. I would love to chat about your work in front of an audience. Well, it says you're going to explain how you develop your material.

Is that what it says? Yeah, that's what it says on the blurb. Yeah. I should read these things. They asked me and I said I'd just steal my ideas via my management from Victoria, Angel O'Nay. I said. I should say Brianne. I've seen Brianne.

I remember seeing one of your shows in Edinburgh and thinking, God, how much did this cost? Oh. Because, you know, when I come up, I just stand on sound to the microphone. You had a fabulous set. I'm not really a stand-up. No, this was a theatrical event. I'm a theatre maker.

Yeah. That would make sense. Yeah. Have you ever tried stand-up? No. Don't say it like that. No, no. If I tried theatre, I wouldn't have gone, no, I didn't mean it.

I actually didn't mean it in a derogatory way. I mean, like, I find the thought of that very terrifying. Yeah. You know, having bits and bobs around that I can be like, look at that. Instead of, look at me. It's a much. Blurry line, though, isn't it? Yeah, I mean, I'm funny.

And you're doing two shows this week. Bogwitch. Bogwitch. And sex idiot. Sex idiot I'm doing at the end. Okay. Just a couple of times. Okay.

Just a couple of times. I've done a few sex idiots in my time. I'll be straight. I've done a few sex idiots. Those poor people. I have a name, them. I mean, we're talking, you know, thousands. Anyway, I don't know how many.

Can I just phone my PI for a figure? No, don't phone her for that. How many, um, sex. Do you have it on a bit of, it's on a bit of paper somewhere in the house. I've written down how many sex idiots I've had. So listen, I would never call them that. I think you did. No, I did them.

It was lightheartedly. I didn't come up with the phrase. Can I just say that? It's just a show. I went to the cinema last night. I'm at the biggest arts festival in the world. I thought, what shall I do with my evening? I'll go to the cinema.

When did you go and see? Odyssey. The Odyssey. The Odyssey. I went to see it last week in Dublin. Oh, yeah. Unreserved seating at the cinema in Dublin. What?

You just have to get there unbelievably early and like elbow people out of the way to get a nice seat. I had to sit in the front row when I watched it. That's too big. It was pretty amazing though actually. It was pretty, it was kind of actually really cool. It's kind of like watching an IMAX. Here, top tip, people on a budget. Yeah.

So on the front. See it in the front. Get down the front. It was so loud. It was so loud. Was yours loud? No, not very loud. Although it's quite a like.

Crap cinema. Yeah. Not crap. No, it's like trendy and like it's all a bit, you know. I think I watched it last night because when you're just sitting off on four weeks in Edinburgh, a story of a man who's been through trials and met monsters and he's desperate to get home. I thought it would be good for me. Yeah.

But I'd say something, it was so long the film and this is absolutely true that when the lights came on at the end, I looked down and there was an empty popcorn. carton at my feet and I thought oh god I forgot I had popcorn honestly I couldn't even remember whether it was sweet or salty it had been so long sure if that was the film it was it was standard so it wasn't a small one they don't let in cinemas nowadays they don't let you say small about popcorn size it's regular larger extra large and I go I know what this is yeah what is it one of them is the smallest. Oh, okay.

So I'll just have a small one. It's not tall in when you get to Starbucks. Tall, Venty, Grand Day. That's so silly. I mean, it just doesn't. What's the, it's tall and then Grand Day is medium. I don't go into the overseas categories. You don't.

And then Venti because it's 20 fluid ounces. Thank God you're here. So did, can I ask? Did you understand what was going on in the film? Well, I've read the, the, uh, oh, sod off. Well, look, I'm sorry. Sorry. Well, I've read the Odyssey.

I've read the Odyssey. Cover to cover a few times. Not a few times. Hmm. So did you know what was going on? Did you know who everyone was? Yeah, Matt Damon. No, not that.

That's what Matt Damon. Charlize Theron? No, but who they were and what the sort of... Was that Louise Theron? Not Louise. Calypso. It's not her name. Charlize.

Calypso, yeah. That's the sister I was looking for. Louise and Shirember. Oh, that was Calypso. You've got the wrong. Because I was looking off the, I was thinking I've seen you in an advert and she was, wasn't she? She was in a big perfume advert. Yeah, she was very, it's really sexy.

I did struggle with Charley's the Ron in like a mythical thing. I struggled with the American accents as well, but there was just bits of it where I was like, you like, Charlie's Theron does have perfume, mad vibes and I did like, it just doesn't feel very ancient break. Also like, you just be like, I'll stay here thanks if you were with Shalise Loron. Well, it was just endless drugs. Back home. No crack. Or just, I mean, she might not be that funny, that's right. Endless drugs in Charlize Theron?

Yeah. It's not. Endless drugs? Oh yeah, she was giving him drugs. The lotus flowers. Yeah. Is that what it was. I liked Searcy.

It was their name Searcy, the Samantha Morton character. You liked her. Well, I liked the evil. I identified with her. Poisonous. It's quite hard to find a female character I identify within Christopher Leland's film. Okay. Do you do many poisoning?

I like to pull people's faces into different animals. pigs I wish I could do that Who would you do to do I know people who looks as if I've had a go I went to see You know it rained That was my thing

I got to Edinburgh And it rained And I went outside So nice Because I've been in London And I hadn't seen rain For what's it been Like two months or something

I went out Like when you see shots Of people in the Sahara Desert going out to give thanks. I actually went and stood in the rain. Yeah, the end of the film, Holes, and they're all just absolutely delighted with the darn poor. Do you know holes?

Yeah, we know holes in our family. That sounds really, that sounded sexual when I said that. Her family know holes very well. Yeah. I don't know why I said it like that. I think it's attached to my sex idiot's list. Stop it. I've seen the film Holes.

We like it in my family. I don't know that, Phil. Don't ever mention it again. Sorry. Based on a book by Louis Sakai. Don't know him? Young Shia LaBuff? Let's not keep talking about it.

No. Stop saying names of things, proper nouns I'm not familiar with. Shirela Buff. I've heard of Shire LaBuff, I think. My son read it at school, so we had to watch it quite a lot. Anyway, carry on. So, yeah, the closest I'd been to rain is I went to see Spider-Man brand new day on the film thing. And I went 4XD 3D.

Jesus. I've never done the 4D3D. It means I wore a very big jumper. No. Extra Jumer. Listen to this chair. I think it's, is it my own? Oh, is it yours?

Perhaps it was my spine. Is that what that is, 4X3D, that chair? No. There's a chair move about. The chair moves about it. You are rattled around and water comes down on you. No. No, thank you.

And also there's a bit where ninja, are winging these kung fu stars at Spider-Man and there's little things in the back of your seat that just whist past your ear so you can we, just get out. I thought they'd hired some of the cinema stuff

to be ninjas sort of running around. I wish they had. I don't like the sound of any of that. Imagine Doris the cleaner sound and I don't know if I can't even fucking wheeled a kung fu star. No, it was great. I felt like I'd been

I felt like I've been in the hands of Rofians when I left there. You've been roughed up. You know what I meant my age get ruffed up by hooded youths? It felt like that. But a comfy version of that. Yeah, exactly. And it's a brilliant.

It's the best film I've ever seen in my entire life. Really? Hang on, wait. Yeah. What? Your entire life. Yeah. What?

And that's when I say entire life. You've got to imagine an entire. That's like a lot. With about nine eyes in it. Such a long time. Yeah, it is. It's obvious you've never seen holes. No, I've never seen holes.

Not for a long day. Oh, Jesus. Oh, that could have been a question of me rising from poverty. That's true. Yeah. That's true. Never seen holes in my clothing. That's true about that. Brian, get your mind out of the government.

I can't. It's something I can't do. Unless I was one of those people who wear those ripped jeans to, you know, that sort of working class fancy dress that people see people in. So it was absolutely brilliant. I can't tell you how much I. I lost a bit of popcorn. Was it one of the ninjas?

thrown around. Did you like, did you actually like scream at like yelp and sort of screaming stuff, do you think? Well, I was shot because there was somewhere, it started during the trailers. I thought it would wait till the film and then the trailer came on and suddenly I was lurched back and I say popcorn went to, do they strap you in? No, no. Like a babysit. I mean, there ought to be an opera age. Let me on it, to be honest. I mean, I could have fallen to pieces. It was, it's quite violent. You really are chocked around. I don't mind the shaking in bits and bobs. What I struggle with is like the water filtration system at a cinema. What's that water?

Just don't think that water is going to be good. What's it called? Government water. See, that way you're worried, isn't that? Stagland water being seen. Do you know, government water? That was what Russell Brand described tap water. Government water.

I don't want any of that government water. So it was It was great It's the best thing And then I came out I came out of the cinema Yeah I'm going I had no idea

I think they just shook it out They did Out of the closet Tom Holland and shaking It just because so If you're unsure about your sexuality Get someone to give you a proper Hold you by the shoulders

And give you a bloody good shaking and you'll never... You'll soon find out one way or another. No, I was... When I got to Edinburgh, I stepped out of my flat for the first time to have a look around. And there was a guy, I guess he was about, I don't know, early 20s with like a skinhead cot.

And as he walked past me, he went... Ah! Really close to my face. And I thought this is kind of Edinburgh, 4XD, 3D. Really? I'd literally be in Edinburgh less than 90 minutes and he's so close to my face

I felt a bit of that that water that you're worried about yeah that's one to be concerned about this exactly the junkies in Edinburgh are fantastic I'm not saying he was a junkie I didn't meet the guy I would assume he was a junkie I had a t-shirt on that said Orden Auden Well, it's actually a guitar company, but it's also the name of a poet, W.H. Orden.

And I was thinking that he might be a Philip Larkin fan. He got a bit tribal. He didn't look the type. No, that's really strange. No, I had little round glasses on it. I mean, that's what he thought. He thought the invasion are starting, I suppose. That, you know, the festival is arriving.

Full circles, circular ones. Yeah. Himmler. I was thinking less Himmler more doubtfire similar more than fire that's a new joke yeah exactly it's about me coming out

you've got to break up in gently doubtfire is the sort of period when I'm in the pew pay so so yeah that happened I mean it upset me a little bit I had grocery in my hands as well, you know.

What was the shop? What were your bits and bobs? Oh, that's the trouble. I'd just come out of Mark. Yeah. I mean, I had all the signs. But now when I look, when I go out into my road, there's more and more festival people. And I think, yeah, soon I'll be shouting at you, mate.

Yeah. But I'll be going, art! Yeah. That'll put him off. Culture. Theatre. There's a big, you know, Hunter Square at the top of Blair Street in Edinburgh, throughout the friends there's like street performers there the whole time and I always try and stay for a day after

the end of the festival because the sort of homeless community of Edinburgh like re-take over Hunter Square after all the like jugglers leave and it becomes way more entertaining than it has been for the whole month of August. Yeah. I'm just like shouting at each other having arguments, philosophical debates. It's so much better. I'm sure it's not an Edinburgh International Festival Theatre piece. No, no, no, no. These people aren't funded by the arts council. I've got one My flat is very, very good for just watching people walking about It looks out onto a big, busy road

And there was a woman parked in the boss lane right by the bus stop She was still in there And I wasn't just guessing it was a woman Because it was about in caught This woman's car Those days are gone This woman's car was

I'm not allowed to say that anymore. It wasn't idiot, but yeah, no. No. And the bus driver, I mean, I think he could have got random, but he wasn't going to. So he was really blasting his horn. She wouldn't move. And the people at the stop were taking it in turns because they were wanting the bus to come to go around. They were really like, I couldn't hear what they were saying, but it looked pretty abusive through a window.

And she was really old in her own. But I like that they took it into house. Maybe she'd had like a moment. She was picking someone up or something and she wasn't going to move. Anyway, so I watched this. I then started to have that. Oh, hold on a minute. Is this street theater?

Oh, no. Is this Kimmings? Oh, no, don't say that. I just got, Kimmings again. No, that's not me. We've been fooled by Kimmings once again. Exactly. Yeah, it's one of those.

He's been fooled. Yeah. I promise I would know. never do that. She's pulled the wool over her eyes and called a set idiot. No, I'm fine. No, I'm fine. I don't want that idea.

Thank you. You can give that one to James Taylor. Three references to James Taylor. He'll absolutely hear this. What the thing about it, there's been more references to James Taylor, the agent. Yeah. The music legend. I always mix up with someone I can't remember.

Is it a different James? No, it's another singer who's basically exactly the same person. You know what I mean? A singer-songwriter. I don't want to besmirch somebody's name by suggesting them for that. It's not Bob Dylan, who is the only singer-songwriter? Harry Nilsson. Is he a singer-songwriter?

I don't know. The more I say singer-songwriter, the more I despise them. I wish people wouldn't be singer-songwriter. Why, that's so mean? Be one or be the other? Peck aside. Exactly. Peck aside.

Not a centrist nonsense. Jack of all trades. You think anyone ever said that to James Taylor in brackets, the musical one? Yes. Yeah. They might have said it to the agent. I don't know. I've always got on with him all right.

We met at his birthday. Yeah. Did we talk, though? Yeah, you, with unbelievable speed, told me how much you hit wheelie suitcases. Oh, did I? Did you have one? But somehow it came up so fast. Well, I wonder why that, I must have just had an experience.

Sorry, I'm just opening a can of beer. That sounds like that. It's water, yeah. Yeah. So, Brian, how long have you been in there to me? So I've been here for, oh my God, I've been here for ages, I think. I've got this really annoying thing where I've got a show, I had a show on Sunday and now I've not got one until Saturday.

We do you have a show on, that's July. Yeah, I know. It wasn't even in the festival officially, but it was my preview. because I'm at the Traverse, so it's a theatre sort of space and everyone has to have, it's brilliant because everyone gets two days of tech and stuff. But I just had the first show. I was gutted.

Are you technically, are you technically in the Edinburgh Festival rather than the Fringe? No, God, no, no, no. I'm in the fringe. Yeah, the Traverse does, it has a theatre. Sounds very official festival corporate to me. I think they're calling it Trav Fest.

Trav Fest. Yeah, so it's not Edinburgh Fringe, but I don't know why. Loads of Travevee. Travelers to know. Very disappointed. What? What do you mean? Oh, stop it.

No. So, but have you... I'm not talking about travellers of you, sorry. Is it a show you've done before? Why don't you think we should speak about them? I think they're a lovely community. Well, I'm part of the traveller community. Great.

So let's not get into it. You can't say that. You can't say that. Murdered. I don't think you can class as that if just because you're in Edinburgh. That's because you've got a train last week. I got a touring comedian. I got the train up, but I'm not going to climb that.

Okay, what did you ask me? Travelers in a way. I mean, I suppose we're all travellers in a way. We're all a little bit of, we're all a little bit traveller. Everyone's a little bit of a railway. Oh, God. Tell us. But I came from Chester.

I came via Chester. Via Chester. Yes, I did. Had a gig in Chester. Because I've been doing this show for a while. It's not a new show, although I had to edit it down. Bog witch. Bog witch, yeah.

Okay. That's what I'm here for. Bog witch. The show, you did the show. Yeah. Then you've had a week to just kick your heels. No, I've got my kid with me, I've got my Frank with me. My Frank, not you.

No. So we've just been, I got a little Frank. That's so nice. Yeah. There was a mini Frank. Wasn't a Frank side bottom? Right side bottom had a smaller Frank, didn't he? Yeah.

It wasn't called Mini Frank. It wasn't called Mini Frank. It was called Little Frank. A little small on his lap. Oh, I thought it was a, a, a. person. I might have made that up. It was definitely a smaller one of them.

Do you know Frank side bottom? You're looking confused, Victoria. Not personally. Do you know who he is? Not really. It feels very English. I don't know what's going on. He wears it's not very English.

It's Manchester, which I think now is the official capital of Europe. You know who he is, though, with the big head? A big puppy and mashay round heads. I read about this in a John Ronson book. Yes. It was a film. It was a film. We're so old.

Oh, we are? I read about this in his true book. Can you believe it? And he's reading about him in a John Ronson book. Yes, I read about your friends in books where you go. I hope that mime came across. He held an imaginary book and blew its dusty pages. Well, I was on a train with Tony Wilson, Anthony H. Wilson.

Do you know who he is, Victoria? He was an important Manchester. Hasienda. There's a film about him. I know of the hacienda because there's a comedy night called the Lafayenda now. Oh, is that what you know about it? There used to be a comedy thing in Manchester in Withenshaw, which was hosted by a man called Agraman the Human Anagram.

Oh, that's nice. That's nice. But anyway, Tony Wilson said to me, just in the middle of nothing, that Frank Sidebottom was the greatest performance artist. to the 20th century. Okay. I'll take that. I think that's good. You didn't get it?

No, I'm the 21st century. Thanks. You didn't work in the 20th? No, I was a child. I was a teenager. There's a comedian doing a show this year at the Edinburgh Finch. She has a big paper mash.

Copy. It's a copy. But apparently it's really, really good. Sang fried bottom. You can't just, that's not like fashion. You can't just go around and be like, now I'll be the guy with the,

With the paper maschae. Well, it's Frank's sidebottom doesn't own paper mashet. Papier mashet? Are we Frenching or are we not French? I'm going papier. I'll just say paper mache. Just to be different. I don't know if, you know, if he died, is it okay to just take that head?

But wasn't there that weird film that was called Frank? And it had... Yeah, it's about him. But was it about him? Yes, it was about him. Oh, okay, fine. Frank died bottom. Oh, God.

Okay, listen, I came from Chester because I had a gig on the way. And when I was leaving, this is about my week because it was this week, when I was leaving, I was really, I'll get quite confused with how to get home and stuff because I'm a neurodivergent. So I was like, I couldn't figure out how to get home. And I was standing on the road. I must have been standing there for about an hour. Should I go and get a taxi? Should I, what should I do? And this car pulled up next to me.

And I just heard, Bogwitch, get in, like that. And I was like, oh no, who's this? and I looked and it was a Maserati right which you don't see them that often No they're a lesser spotted And it was really like beefy And I was like I don't think you should get into a car

It was a bit shyle buff Anyway and then And it was blacked out so I was like I didn't quite know what it was So I said no thank you But obviously they knew who I was Because they'd obviously seen the show Or they just got Bogwich vibes off you I might have been wearing a t-shirt that said Bogwitch

Actually sometimes I do wear the t-shirt Branding You wearing your own motor. Anyway, so I was like, who is it? You know, like, and the window went down of the passenger side, and there was an 80-year-old woman in the passenger seat with really blue rinsy hair. And I looked in and there was another 80-old woman, I'd say, driving. And then the back window came down.

There was two more 80-year-old women. So I was like, this is fine. Oh, it's a Maserati quattroporte. That's the only four-door Maserati. Yes. What? You're like a petrol head. No.

Okay. So I'm like, this is safe. Is this safe? Who cares? Is this safe? Yeah. Was it safe? Yeah.

So I got in. There was an 80-year-old woman driving. In the middle at the back. And they all... You were using them like air back. I was... Yeah, just squashed him. I'll be safe in here.

Then they all started talking to me at once. None of them sort of went, oh, I'll wait for the other one to stop talking. You know, like someone starts and then we'll sort of... A lot of cross-talk. It was just... It was just relentless talking. They dropped me at my hotel and that was it. Is this another Kimming's installation?

No, it was just insane. We've been fooled, Frank. One of them asked me if I had a cat, right? Do you like cats? And the whole show that they just watched, it was pretty much all about my cat. And then the other one said, are you, would you say that you were an environment?

And I think what they were trying to say, are you an environmentalist? But they just kept saying, do you think you're an environment? And I was just thinking what is going on? Oh, wow. It was nuts. They were, apart from the driver, all of them were so drunk.

They were having, like, the best time. Wow. And they dropped me off, and then I sort of, like, just spun out the other end and was just, all right. And then they zoomed off again. That's a, I think that's a terrible prelude to the Edinburgh Fringe, because you've just been picked up in a Maserati after your show and driven home by, like, sort of a gaggle of 80-year-old women. And now at the end of the fringe are going to be kicked out by a bad clown at the end of every show.

Not to get the boss home. Someone's going to shake a bucket of me and I'll have to take a hundred flyers before I get home. It was insane. It was amazing. Wow. See, if I got into that car, I'd be anticipating a sex fest at my age.

Oh, my God, it'd be like being Hugh Hefner. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah. But if Hugh Heffler had gone for his own age group for a change. That would be very wholesome if there was sort of a new Hugh Heffler. Do you think Hugh Hefler ever thought, you know what, I might try some people my own age. It's sort of a bacchanal of pensioners?

Yeah. Is that the collective noun? The bacchanal is sort of a big sex party. I know what a back in a lot. We both know what that is. We both know what that is. All right, my. Don't let the accent fool you.

I would never judge someone by my accent, lest they do it to me. Well, that is. It was wild. And I thought, I'm really, I'm really desperate to make sure that that's my life when I'm 18. But had they seen your show?

A driver. Well, it was one of the 80-year-olds, a driver. Yeah. Okay. I thought they had it. like a chauffeur. It was another 80-year-old driving. They were just going white.

They'd been to see my show. Then they'd gone to Heather Spoons. They got hammered and they picked me up after they'd gone back to the pub because I've been outside for so long time. Was the driver lady steaming? No, of course she wasn't. She said that. Did you stop listening halfway through this story?

I got overwhelmed by all of it. It's a lot. I know. And that sort of thing never happens to me. So I was like, oh, that's a good thing to tell. I don't know that's a thing. Never happened. Yeah.

I wouldn't say. Hard to believe, but that sort of thing never happens to me. Four old ladies in a Maserati. You didn't find a fiver on the street. Yeah, exactly. I don't, yeah, true. Wow, it sounds like the opening to a gag doesn't it? There's four old ladies in a Maserati.

Oh, man. That's great, though. I, nothing that exciting as, as I did see, I saw a woman on a bicycle. Do you ever see things and think I wish, I've been so little in my life and I've never been the person I really want to be. Why?

I saw someone on a bike and she was riding one-handed with a surfboard under her other arm. And I thought, I once had bicycle lessons and I stopped going when the man said next week we're going on the road. I didn't go and go. You didn't go for your proficiency test. I didn't fancy that.

And then, and also I can only swim in my depths. Oh. And this was a woman on a bite, one-handed with a surfboard. All the things I can't do. All of your dreams. The practicality of that is off. How, like, she would easily stack on that, I think. You'd fall.

Surfboard or body board? No, it looked like a proper, it was. Where is she going in Scotland? See. Well, she was, this was in Edinburgh. I don't know where she was. Portabella. Oh, do you think.

You've been fooled again by Brian. She'll be stopped. Yeah. It's actually a pro. Beach Boys, which. Brian, he got a script out of her pocket and go see. Surfboard. Honestly.

Kimmins is everywhere. I just can't trust reality anymore. Yeah, it's true. Me and my performance are. You are an environment. I have an environment. You're in my environment now. Yeah, it's true.

I thought you were. in mind but I feel I've never felt smaller I've never felt more like a surfboard under an arm oh imagine being that cool an uncle of name used to

oh I thought it was cool Was she hot? No I mean I'm sorry I mean I mean obviously I didn't even look I was looking at the surfboard

The surfboard was gorgeous I do get that's a good older I do find I'm looking at people's dogs even like a very attractive women if they've got a dog I just look at the dog because you feel awkward or because no because I like dogs more than I like attractive women nowadays you've hurt me so many times in the past I'll come to think of it so of dogs anyway I think we'll end this one now it's been exactly what I thought it would be three strangers talking on a train three strangers on a train yeah okay but we'll be back

next week. Thanks guys. Thank you. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. A new winter change is blowing. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. I'm not totally sure how it's going. Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode.

And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via Frank. rank off the radio at avalonuka.com.